Johnny Au - Tumblr Posts

He was addictive

Johnny x reader

Summary: You felt like you have loved Johnny since forever. But why would he like you back? So you opted to simply stay friends with him.

Warnings: mentions of drugs

Genre: Angst

Word count: 1k (1047 words)

A/N: I suggest you listen to  “ High Enough - K.Flay (RAC Remix) // slowed.” as i got a lot of inspiration from it!

~~~~~~~~~~            

The car the two of you were in slowed down and eventually came to a stop. You glanced at him and back at the beautiful scenery in front of you. In all honestly, you couldn’t decide who was more beautiful. Him or the scenery.  

You both opened the car doors, leaving them open so that the music you played could be heard outside too. You were alone there, so it’s not like you would disturb anyone else. The sweet ambience of the music paired with the sound of the wind and nature made you relax, as you leaned on the windshield, Johnny didn’t mimic your actions, which gave you the chance to stare at his back.

You had admitted it to yourself long ago. You liked him. No, scratch that, you loved him. But how could you not? Literally everyone liked him for obvious reasons. He is so kind, so fun to be around, so understanding. As his longtime friend, you got to know him even better than what others did and you obviously fell deeper for him.

What he thought was awkward, cringy or a flaw was the thing you adored the most about him. You loved how he acted around people he doesn’t know well, you loved how he wasn’t afraid to show who he really is when he was around his closest friends, you loved how he wasn’t afraid to show vulnerability when he was around you. You loved every side of him.

He was sweet and caring to everyone, but it still made you feel a certain type of way when he acted like that to you. You have experienced so many things with Johnny, he has seen you at your best and your worst. You have seen him at his best and worst too. But other than you, he had other close friends too, who have also seen all his sides.

But how does he always make you feel unique? It’s the way he pays his undivided attention to you when you speak. It’s the way he holds you close when you feel broken. It’s the way he smiles at you, the way he laughs at your jokes.

You’re not sure when you fell for him, but it feels like it had always been like this. Being away from him always made you sad. It didn’t simply make you sad, it hurt you. Johnny was like a drug to you. No actual drug could make you feel so high, as when you were around him. He was addictive and you couldn’t help but constantly want to be around him.

People have needs and have to fulfill them. Just like the need for food, people search for the best product that will fulfill it. If they can’t afford the best one, they turn to lower quality products that could at least fulfill a part of their needs. Similarly, you tried dating other people. But they were all low quality products. You will never feel fully satisfied unless you get the highest quality product. To you, Johnny was the highest quality product.

You could never see anyone other than him. To you, it was only him, him, him. He was always your priority. Over almost anyone else and if someone made you choose between him and another important to you person, you’d split yourself into two just to make sure you were there for the both of them. You just can’t put anyone over Johnny.

You were his priority too. One of his priorities at least. He would try to split himself in order to be there for you too. But… knowing that you’d still forgive him if he didn’t choose you, you’d probably tell him prioritize others over you. Prioritize those he was more afraid of losing. Because he wasn’t afraid of losing you. It’s not that he took you for granted, it’s just that he knew how much you cared for him.

But if he knew, wouldn’t he have realized that you had feelings for him by now? You don’t know if he chooses to ignore them for the sake of your friendship or because he is oblivious, but you believe that it was most likely that he ignored them. He probably knew that if he brought it up, it would ruin the dynamics of your friendship.

Because, let’s be honest, Johnny could never see you the way you see him. He is too perfect and you’re too average. So you decided it’s better to have him in your life as a friend than not have him at all and get rejected.

“Did you ever hear a thing of what I said?” Johnny joked and you finally stopped daydreaming. “No, I’m sorry I was deep in thought.” You said shaking your head.

“I figured,” he chuckled and took a good look at you, who was staring at the scenery in front of you.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” he said and you waved a hand dismissively. “It’s nothing, what were you talking about?”

“No no, missy, we are gonna talk about this. Seriously, what’s on your mind?”

You sighed. You can’t tell him. You can’t tell him that all that has been in your mind was him. That it was you hoping you’d ever get to kiss his pretty pink lips. That you’ll one day be able to taste them. You can’t tell him that you’ve been thinking of the two of you together, him not seeing anyone other than you just like how you do for him.

Oh, how you wished you were the water bottle he held in his hand, slowly raising to his lips. When he offered you some, you refused, but then cursed at yourself for missing a chance of an indirect kiss. But it’s not like you two never share bottles, so you’ll have this chance again in the future.

You opt for the easy way out, telling him you’re just stressed about a few responsibilities you had to take care of, but that it will go away and that he has no reason to worry. He doesn’t seem to believe you, but he lets it go for the moment and you go back to your daydreaming as soon as he turns his gaze away from you.

A Tale of Two Valentines (Part II)

There’s not much to say, really. I just love Johnny Suh, and the scenarios my mind comes up with in imagining him as my partner. 

If only we could end up together, like most of us dream of with our biases. 

This is one of my favorite photos that he shared on his Bubble lately, which I tweaked a bit.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: This is the sequel to the first post, wherein Johnny and Essie struggle on what to do for Valentine’s Day now that they are a couple. 

POV: 3rd person as this is part of my pre-quarantine writing from this year. 

Word count: 780 words flat.

Warning: If you squint, there’s some suggestive behavior here. Well, they are a couple anyway. They can do what they please, right? 

–––

It has been a year since Johnny dragged Essie out of her previous apartment to hang out with him on Valentine’s Day. They weren’t together yet, but people thought that they were.

They decided to be a pretend couple on that day, but who were they fooling? They were in love with each other, and it was a matter of time before they got together for real.

Now that they are officially a couple, the two were lost on what to do for their partner the next day. “I feel like Valentine’s Day is every day when I’m with you,” Essie said while holding a half-empty glass of wine.

Even if she came back from a night out with her girlfriends – her usual Galentine’s Day celebration – she was still up for more drinks.

“That’s sweet of you, baby,” Johnny cooed, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her cheek. Both were at the kitchen as they shared a bottle of wine to end the night. “I think the same too.”

“So, what are we going to do then? Tomorrow’s the day,” the girl handed her glass to her partner, who accepted it and drank the rest. “What do you want to do?” He answered after licking his lips clean.

“I don’t even know what to do, to be honest. I just want to be with you,” Essie replied, her turn to wrap her arms around her boyfriend. “It doesn’t matter if we go out or not, I’m content just being with you tomorrow.”

Johnny placed the empty glass of wine on the counter and carried his girlfriend bridal-style toward the sofa. “You read my mind, but still baby! I want this to be special. After all, this is our first Valentine’s Day as a couple,” he said when they settled comfortably on the couch. Essie was sitting on his lap with her arms hooked around his neck while his arms were linked on her waist.

“Let’s do the usual, and maybe we can spice it up with something?” she suggested, slowly removing herself from his lap. “What do you mean spice it up?” He raised an eyebrow at her as if doubting her statement. She got his sentiment and rolled her eyes. “My God, John! You’re already thinking of that?”

“And I’m sure you are as well,” he wiggled his eyebrows this time, eliciting laughter from his girlfriend.

“We’re both horny bastards anyway,” she said, thwacking him on the shoulder. “But no, I don’t mean it that way. Maybe we can spice it up in terms of doing something we don’t usually do?”

“That’s nice, but if we decide to do something unusual, those places might be booked already. Let’s just do the usual and end it with a workout.”

Essie groaned at his suggestion and thwacked him again. “I’d rather have sex than go to the gym, love.”

Johnny laughed at her response, which made him put her back on his lap again. “Hey, what do you have against the gym? It’s a great place to work out!” He pecked her cheek and squeezed her sides delightfully.

“But I don’t like it there! I hate all those equipment,” she grumbled, looking away from his taunting face. “I’d rather work out with little to no stuff at all.”

“If that’s what you say, baby,” he pinched her cheeks and peppered her with kisses afterward. Essie was defeated, but at the same time she loved it – it has been a while since Johnny tackled her with his love.

“I missed this baby,” he whined, kissing her forehead. He was on top of her, but he made sure that she wasn’t squished underneath his weight. “Me too,” she said, pecking him on the lips. “I know I haven’t been a great girlfriend as of late, and I’m sorry about that.”

“Hey, we have our down moments. I understand that,” Johnny removed himself on top of Essie, “and I’m glad that I have these moments with you again. I hope we’ll have them more often,” he helped her get up on the couch and squeezed her hand afterward.

“That I can promise you, love. I hope there’ll be less down moments too,” she kissed him on the cheeks this time, which he reciprocated. “I love you so much, John Suh.”

“And I love you more than that, Jessica Park.”

“No, I love you to infinity and beyond! Beat that, lover boy!”

It was his turn to roll his eyes, but his sarcasm didn’t last long. He laughed at her competitiveness and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine, you beat me, Buzz Lightyear. Let’s go to sleep now, shall we?"

–––

FIN

The Dream Synopsis

Sometimes, you write with a goal in mind, and then it ends up in a way you didn’t expect it to. Does anyone have a similar, if not the same, experience? 

Let me know through the comments! 

Anyway, here’s Johnny looking like he stepped out of my dream in this GIF. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: This was supposed to be a sweet and fluffy Johnny and Essie piece, but then I don’t know why I had to include hurt and angsty Mark into the mix.

POV: 3rd person here. 

Word count: 1,300 + words 

Warning: I never go all the way yet with Johnny and Essie, but this is the closest thing we’ll get to them getting it on for now. 

Recommended listening: I’m going to include the song that shares the same title below. If you must know, and if it isn’t obvious enough with the previous song recommendations, I’m a big Alex Turner fan.

–––

It was during their off-days that Johnny cherished his time with Essie the most.

He loved lazy weekend afternoons, with the curtains gently moving because of the cool breeze. He and Essie would be on the couch, listening to a curated playlist either one of them made or a record of their choosing. Jaehyun gifted them a record player like his, which delighted the girl.

They usually talked about anything and everything while they were on the sofa. Most of the time, Essie would be lying on top of Johnny’s lap, raising her arms in the air to illustrate her point. Sometimes, he would lean his head against her shoulder and then bury his face in her chest when he wanted to cuddle further.

Their hands were always over and around each other, making them a giggly, tangled mess. They would be more so when they had drinks on the coffee table – coffee for Johnny and beer for Essie. They loved how each other tasted when they kissed. Essie became more tolerant of bitter tastes while Johnny became desensitized to the stench of alcohol.

In one of those ideal moments, he talked to her about his recent dream. “I was playing the piano at an empty theater, wearing the usual velvet suits they make us wear. And I was told that it was a full house,” his eyes never left her face as he shared his story.

“Maybe the organizer was a ghost, and a bunch of dead people were there watching your performance,” she replied after a moment, a smile forming on her face.

“Isn’t that creepy, baby? I mean, what the heck? Why would I dream of dead people?” He sat up, shaking his head a little. He ran his hands through his hair, which seemed to help him compose himself.

Essie watched him fuss about his hair still with the same dopey smile on her face. The little things he did always made her heart feel warm and fuzzy, as cheesy as it sounds. She was extremely lucky to call him hers, which she hoped he felt the same way.

The guy didn’t notice the look of adoration on his girlfriend’s face as he cleared his throat, staring into the space ahead. “Sorry, baby, am I boring you with my story? It must be torture when I talk about my dreams…” he mumbled, tucking his head into his chin with shame.

“No, not at all! I find it fascinating, really.” The girl shifted from her position and moved closer to him. “Talking about dreams is interesting. You can interpret them in a million ways.”

When he noticed that her eyes twinkled even in the dim light of the living room, he couldn’t help but pull her closer to him and kiss her.

She responded to his action with no hesitation, hooking her arms around his neck immediately. They forgot about their world around them as they kissed.

However, they forgot that they still had a housemate who can come in whatever time he pleases.

As the couple made out with gusto, Mark Lee entered their apartment and dropped his bag on the floor. The thud it made didn’t bother Johnny and Essie, as the couple was intent on sucking each other’s faces until they were tired.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t time yet for them to stop. Essie started moaning as Johnny’s hands went down her bottom, cupping it with all his might. It made the guy grunt at how sexy that sounded, and both exchanged small (and dirty) nothings to each other.

Mark couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He wanted to sneak into his room as quietly as possible but he couldn’t keep his eyes away from the couple.

Deep inside, he felt a bit of hurt resurface. He liked Essie more than a noona. He admitted his feelings to her before, yet she politely declined him.

“Maybe it’s not the time yet, Marky. Maybe in another lifetime. But just so you know, I love you as a friend and as the little brother I never had,” those were her famous words that took him some time to recuperate from, and now the pain was back momentarily.

As he was rooted in spot watching his hyung and noona about to get it on, something inside him snapped. He walked away as silently as he could, his eyes downcast. He would watch some funny videos on YouTube to help him erase this image.

But Mark being Mark, he stubbed his toe on the dining table. “Shit,” he hissed in pain, slowly reaching his hand to soothe his toe.

The sound he made got the attention of the couple who were now looking at him.

“Oh, Mark,” Johnny started, gently prying Essie off him. “I thought you’d be back tomorrow morning.”

“Uh, flight was early. Decided to come home immediately. I missed my bed.” The young guy’s answers were clipped despite sounding like his usual self. Essie picked up on this and frowned.

“Sorry you had to see that, Marky…” she said softly, now standing up.

“No, it’s fine. You’re a couple now anyways. Making out is something couples do all the time,” he chuckled before he stepped out of the dining room completely.

Silence hung in the air for a moment until Johnny coughed. “Wow, that was a bit awkward,” he started, looking at his girlfriend.

Essie sighed, plopping back on the couch. “I know. I think he’s not yet over, you know…”

It was the guy’s turn to sigh. “I think so too, baby. But give it time. He’ll be over it.”

“You think so?” She looked up at him in worry, her eyes turning glassy with tears.

“Yeah, I do,” he sat closer to her, “and I don’t want to lose him too. He’s both the little brother we never had.”

“I find it a bit unfair that many people are affected with our relationship, and in a not-so-good way,” Essie huffed, wiping the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes.

“I know, baby. But that’s just the way it is, I guess?” Johnny leaned back on the couch, “You can’t win them all. We’re both good-looking people who click so well. And we’re friendly to everyone. We can’t help but make people fall for us.” This got the girl chuckling, who was now leaning back on the sofa as well.

“I never expected that I’ll be liked this much,” she said softly, her eyes looking at the space in front of her. It was a realization that never seemed to sink into her mind, considering how plain and normal she looked.

“Well, baby, you are wrong about that. Turns out that you’re almost everyone’s type,” he eyed her from head to toe, earning a thwack on his shoulder.

“Don’t say that!” She looked away to cover her reddening face. “I don’t know. I am flattered, but at the same time, I don’t deserve this.”

“Aw, come on!” Johnny tilted her face to look at him, and his heart ached when he saw tears coming out of her warm face. “You deserve all the love, my darling. But you can’t give it to everyone, especially if you’re looking for a partner. And I’m the happiest person to be the recipient of that special kind of love.”

Essie broke down into tears, which Johnny kissed away from her face.

“I love you, Essie Park. Please know that. Nothing can change that.”

Although his words came to her, she was at a loss on what to say. She was overwhelmed with her realization and his confession.

“Oh, John…” she mumbled, burying her face on his chest.

He held her in his arms as she wept, but his mind was thinking if she loved him as much as he did.

–––

FIN

[10:48 PM]

seconds after a short text, johnny is already at your side.

you’re already sobbing when he pulls you into his arms. you close your eyes and sob even harder as he cups your face in his hands so gently that you barely feel it. you look into his soft brown eyes, unstoppable tears streaming down your flushed cheeks.

“oh dear,” he murmurs as he pulls you closer and lets your tears wet his light blue hoodie. “who hurt you?” his face is overwhelmed by concern for you and he strokes your swollen cheek with one hand. 

you don’t respond but clench onto the fabric by his waist tighter as you burrow inside what seems like a perfect paradise, safe and separated from the rest of the world. you’re shaking and sobbing and everything in-between, and johnny wraps his strong arms around you quietly.

“i-i can’t do this,” you say, your voice cracking as you speak the words. you’re looking at him, into his eyes that almost seem to reflect the hurt you feel. 

he listens.

you tangle your fingers with his, using all four clasped hands to wipe your tears. “i need to run away so bad.”

“i’d love to take you with me,” he breathes, “but you know i can’t.”

you would smile, but you can’t. “i know.” you know too well. you lean back into his chest as he leans his head on yours, and wrap your arms around his waist firmly - as if he’s a lifeline. “i know.” 

johnny presses a kiss to your head and gently pats your back as you continue to sob, each choked cry shattering his heart even more.

[10:47 pm]

“kiss me like you love me,” you breathe as you lean into johnny, his warm breath brushing over your lips as his hands gently take hold on your waist.

johnny’s eyes seem to kiss your eyes just as passionately as his lips kiss your lips - until your eyelids flutter shut under his insatiable dark brown gaze. his hands have made their way up your torso and are entangled in your hair, his long fingers softly holding your head as he leans down to meet his lips with yours. johnny’s mind pleads with him to savor this moment with slow, tender kisses upon your lips, but his heart races so fast that he can barely think.

johnny has been dreaming about this very moment since sophomore year of high school: the year he realized he did love his best friend. he had dreamt about this very moment every time you tucked your hair behind your ear; every time your mutual friends teased the two of you for bickering like an old married couple; every time you introduced johnny to your new boyfriend with a cute giggle and a peck johnny always wished was for himself; every time you wore his oversized light blue hoodie for heartbreak sleepovers, wrapped in his arms and crying over a movie and your breakup as he ran his hands over your hair comfortingly.

johnny has dreamt about this moment so often that he doesn’t understand how you can tell him to kiss you like he loves you - how you can be so oblivious to the fact that he’s loved you and your endearing, pink-cheeked smile for years on end.

johnny swallows back the three words clawing at his throat - begging to be let free just to be shattered into pieces - as he pulls you closer. “kiss me like you love me,” he repeats in a breath, and hopes you didn’t hear his voice cracking ever so slightly.

never have i ever - pt.1

warnings: cursing, drinking, brief mentions of sex in dialogue, fluff??, angst (nothing explicit)

word count: 2k

summary: you play never have i ever with four friends - jaehyun, who sulks because he’s just thrown a party for a boy who doesn’t seem to have any interest in him; doyoung, who has an alcohol tolerance as (surprisingly) strong as his tendency to tease johnny; johnny, your best friend since high school who apparently wants to kiss someone in the room; and mark, the sweet boy who blushes when you smile at him.

pairings: college!best friend!johnny x reader x college!mark -> choose your own adventure! (two parts total)

---

you feel so giddily drunk that you can ignore how the bass of the loud music downstairs thumps against your eardrums. johnny has an arm wrapped around your shoulder, sitting on the mini couch as you lean back into him. both of you are clearly drunk and clearly too big for the small sofa, his side squished beneath your back and your legs entangled. johnny mumbles something inaudible and you nod, your mind too clouded to ask your best friend to repeat what he’d said. your attention is more focused on the game between you, johnny, and the three boys in the friend group he’d inserted you into five months ago. you’d known all of them since high school, but hadn’t really talked until the five of you happened to go to the same college. you start to think you regret not befriending them sooner, but immediately scratch out the thought when you remember the time you’d seen freshman jaehyun eat his booger during class.

“never have i ever hosted a big ass party just to stay in my room,” mark giggles from the rug, snapping you from your own thoughts. mark hasn’t had much alcohol tonight, but his cheeks are bright pink and he already seems slightly drunk. “drink up, jaehyun.”

“you can’t do that,” jaehyun protests, glaring at his friend. “this game is stupid.” he jokingly kicks mark’s leg from his spot on the rug next to mark.

“you wouldn’t be playing this stupid game if you were still downstairs trying to impress that boy you threw this party for,” doyoung grins. he’s laying on his stomach on jaehyun’s bed, his red cup set on the floor. “what was his name? taehoon?”

“taeyong,” jaehyun corrects, his ears reddening. he rolls his eyes. “and i didn’t throw the party for him.”

“whatever you say,” doyoung laughs as jaehyun throws the pillow he’s hugging at him. “come on, mark. do another one.”

“never have i ever had sex in a car,” mark blurts, and giggles when jaehyun drinks again. “shit, really? you don’t even have a car.”

"wasn’t mine,” jaehyun mumbles. it’s barely audible, but johnny certainly hears - and notices the way jaehyun looks at him warily.

“shit, don’t tell me it’s mine,” johnny says, his eyes widening.

“ ‘m sorry,” jaehyun groans, and johnny throws his now-empty cup at jaehyun. jaehyun lets it hit him on the shoulder out of guilt, silently refilling it and setting it next to the sofa.

"that’s so fucking gross,” johnny wrinkles his nose. “i’m never lending you my car keys again.”

“it’s not like you didn’t do the same thing on jaehyun’s bed,” you giggle. johnny gasps and practically shoves you off the sofa as you laugh, clinging onto his shoulder to stay on.

“are you serious?” jaehyun’s mouth drops open. “dude!”

doyoung slowly climbs off jaehyun’s bed, taking his seat next to jaehyun on the rug. 

“sorry,” johnny bites his lip, cringing as he remembers. “it was, like, years ago. let’s call it even?” he offers, and jaehyun’s about to say something but he shuts his mouth and nods instead. johnny glares at you and slaps your back for good measure, to which you yelp and glare back at your best friend. “never have i ever not had my first kiss,” he smirks.

“is that even allowed?” mark furrows his eyebrows.

“i don’t give a fuck if i don’t have to drink,” jaehyun shrugs. doyoung nods, tracing his finger over the rim of his cup absentmindedly.

“i hate you so fucking much,” you mumble into johnny’s ear as you sip from your cup. 

johnny grins.

“holy shit, are you for real?” jaehyun blurts. “i thought you dated jungwoo in high school.”

you wrinkle your nose at the mention of your high school ex of three years. “he was sweet, though we never really did anything more than hold hands and kiss each other’s cheeks. he said he was being careful, but i don’t think he actually ever liked me.”

“pretty sure he’s gay,” doyoung quips in. his eyes dart around the room as everyone turns to him, confused. “what? i thought everyone knew.”

“i mean, that explains a lot,” you sigh. johnny chuckles.

“you know, i could help with, um, that,” mark says playfully, but the way his cheeks blush darker pink gives evidence to the fact that he’s not really joking.

“i’d like it,” you joke, to which mark’s cheeks flush an even brighter red. you shift to a more comfortable position as you feel johnny tense up beneath you. “never have i ever had a wet dream about a celebrity.”

no one drinks.

you shrug. “worth a try.”

doyoung’s eyes flash with amusement at an idea that pops to his mind. “what about - never have i ever had a wet dream about one of my friends.”

johnny shoots doyoung a murderous look, to which the latter teasingly returns an innocent smile. he leans over to grab his cup next to jaehyun, who has already drank from his cup. 

“seriously?” you say, furrowing your eyebrows as johnny ignores you. “who was it?” you can’t imagine which of your mutual friends it might be - or maybe it isn’t one of your mutual friends.

“i’m not telling,” he grumbles, “i’m never telling doyoung anything again.”

“don’t be petty, john,” jaehyun cooes, but it sounds more like a drawl with the amount of alcohol he’s been consuming. “it happens to the best of us.”

“doesn’t happen to me,” doyoung hums playfully and winks at you before passing the beer so that jaehyun and mark can refill their cups. you don’t notice that mark had emptied his cup until he fans his extremely red face with a cough.

it’s jaehyun’s turn. jaehyun taps his fingers against his cup in thought before he practically laughs at his own idea. “never have i - never have i ever thought of kissing someone in this room,” jaehyun stifles drunk giggles as doyoung grins, as if he knows something the others don’t.

you blush, knowing what jaehyun had intended from the previous questions. you and mark simultaneously drink from your cups, cheeks flaming.

“i think you have to drink too, jae,” doyoung smiles, and jaehyun’s brows cross in thought before he nods.

“shit, you’re right,” jaehyun laughs. “johnny, you too, come on.”

johnny looks like he would break jaehyun’s precious game console if he’d been given the chance. he groans. “i don’t know why i agreed to this game.”

jaehyun giggles. “i love you,” he mockingly bats his eyelashes up at his friend.

“no,” johnny deadpans, throwing his empty cup at him again. jaehyun catches it this time with another giggle, doing the favor of filling it up to compensate for leaking his secret.

“you never told me you were bi,” you say, feeling slightly left out of the joke. johnny had never mentioned being attracted to a boy, much less mentioned being attracted to jaehyun. you’d thought you were johnny’s best friend, but maybe he didn’t trust you with everything. “when did you and jaehyun kiss?”

jaehyun chokes on his drink, sputtering as his eyes meet yours. “what? we didn’t-” he coughs, and clears his throat. jaehyun suppresses another drunk giggle as a realization comes to mind. “we didn’t.”

“just shut up,” johnny rolls his eyes. “you’re so fucking dumb.” you pout in mock hurt. johnny ignores it, glaring at jaehyun and doyoung. “and seriously, you guys. drop it.”

doyoung purses his lips to contain his laughter, and jaehyun giggles. you’re rather confused at the silent interaction between the three boys - and mark is too, from the confused look in his eyes. 

you feel slightly nauseous. perhaps it’s partly because of the alcohol, but you suspect it’s because of the idea that you seem to know much less about johnny than two people he’d only befriended a few years ago. 

you tap your fingers against the arm of the sofa, subconsciously shifting a bit away from johnny. it’s a wary habit of yours that johnny immediately notices.

“it’s nothing, (y/n), i promise,” he sighs. “i... i need a break.” johnny gets up from his seat, dislodging you in the process. your eyebrows knit together in confusion when johnny leaves the room, the door slamming behind him as if to release his repressed frustration.

“shit, he’s mad,” jaehyun mutters, “did we go too far?”

doyoung nods, getting up from his spot on the rug. “we should go talk to him.” he eyes you and mark before nodding at jaehyun to follow him. “let’s go.”

the door shuts behind jaehyun and doyoung, and you and mark make eye contact in both confusion and nervousness. you stare at mark and he stares at you for what seems like an eternity but is probably only a moment - and the two of you break out into giggles at the awkward situation. 

"that was kinda crazy,” you say with a grin. you’re still worried about johnny, but the lighter mood seems to replace the tension buzzing in the room. “i honestly don’t know what’s happening.”

mark nods, humming in agreement. “i feel like i’m missing out on something. i didn’t know the three of them were that close, you know?”

“right?” you say, heart racing at the fact that mark agreed. “it feels like- like i don’t really know anything about johnny.”

mark suddenly takes an interest in the blue zig-zags of jaehyun’s carpet, tracing the patterns with his finger. “um,” he starts, “are you and johnny um - i mean, do you, like,” he gulps. your eyes dart from his fingers to his face, perplexed. “do you like johnny?”

your mouth forms an ‘o’ shape as you wave your hands. “no!” you exclaim, louder than you mean to. you cringe. “i mean, no. we’re just friends - best friends since high school.” you frown. “at least i think so.”

“good,” mark blurts, and blushes immediately as a smile carves its way on your face. “i-i mean, that’s good.”

you think it’s cute - or rather, you think he’s cute. it’s not as if you’d been completely oblivious to the way mark snuck glances at you in the library during group study sessions, or the way mark would always remember your favorite strawberry drink without asking whenever he brought food, or the way his cheeks blushed whenever you told him he looked cute today. if you had a type, it would probably be adorable, bright, giggly mark lee - not tall, handsome, sensible johnny suh. wait, what?

you shake the thought from your mind, smiling at mark. “why do you ask?” you say. you both know the answer already, and the words hang between you in jaehyun’s dimly-lit bedroom, waiting to be plucked out of thin air.

“do you want to go out for coffee sometime?” mark smiles, the corners of his pretty pink lips pursing into his cheeks. it’s a shy smile that accompanies wide, sparkling eyes that look up at you from the rug in anticipation. “this time, not as, well, friends.”

“yes,” you say - it comes out as more of a breath than a statement, and it makes you wonder if you mirror the same anticipation in mark’s eyes. “i’d love to.”

the door suddenly bangs open, and both of you whip your heads to see johnny stumbling from the doorway - as if he’d been leaning on it. he quickly regains his balance, but is frozen in place, eyes flickering between you and mark. “i,” johnny starts. he can’t seem to continue. the loud music that had been muffled by the door is now beating in your ears, only adding to your prior headache.

“h-have you been there for...?” you lick your lips, which suddenly feel parched. 

johnny clears his throat. “no,” he says, but can’t look you in the eyes, staring at the floor instead. 

you know he’s lying - how could you not, after all the years you’d known him? but why would he lie? your mind nags you, and you push the thought to the back of your mind. johnny obviously doesn’t feel comfortable telling you about whatever’s happening to him. your eyes sting, and you swallow thickly to prevent yourself from crying. 

“i need a breath,” you mutter, getting up from the sofa to make your way down jaehyun’s stairs. you think you see something like regret in johnny’s dark brown eyes, but you’re so upset that you intentionally shove past him on your way out the door and storm outside. 

it’s dark and cold. jaehyun’s house is rather big - especially compared to the dorms most students live in - and rather far from any of the dorms. the chilly night air brushes up against your cheeks, and you don’t feel the strength to walk back to your dorm in the endless darkness right now. you groan and make your way to the side of jaehyun’s house, right next to a window in the living room that provides a dim light on the asphalt ground. your legs buckle as you lean against the wall besides the window, head between your legs as you try to calm your headache. you want to scream - and cry - and laugh. “shit,” you blurt, finally, and almost laugh at the word.

“hey,” a quiet voice interrupts your thoughts, a soothing breeze in midst of the storm. “let’s go, i’ll walk you home.”

it’s time to choose.

who is the person who follows you outside? is it

mark: the cute boy who blushes when you smile at him but has successfully asked you out on a coffee date?

or

johnny: your best friend who has been acting strange recently but who still holds a special place in your heart?

voting has ended! part 2 here

never have i ever - pt. 2 (johnny)

part one here, read for leadup :)

warnings: cursing, nerf gun??

word count: 2.8 k

[you chose:]

johnny, your best friend who has been acting strange recently but who still holds a special place in your heart.

“hey,” a quiet voice interrupts your thoughts, a soothing breeze in midst of the storm. “let’s go, i’ll walk you home.”

you raise your head to see johnny, who smiles softly when he meets your eyes. you swallow thickly again, really not wanting to cry. “johnny, i just need a few minutes alone,” you tell him, placing your head back on your folded legs. 

johnny sighs, and shuffling noises make you look up to come directly face-to-face with your best friend. “boo?” he offers. johnny’s crouching on the asphalt ground across from you. 

you let out a small smile and short breath at his joking attempt to scare you, and johnny returns your smile.

you know you’re being dramatic - johnny obviously has many friends besides you, and you can’t expect to be his closest friend forever. he’ll have secrets that he keeps from you and not from other friends.

but johnny knows everything about you, from the smallest things that can brighten your day to your deepest secret that digs its way up your throat and tries to suffocate you every now and then. johnny’s always there for you when you cry, whether it’s over the phone or him running down the street to your dorm to calm you as you shake. he’s been there since high school, and you’d like to think you’d been there for him, too.

you know johnny could do so much better than a shitty best friend like you with nothing much to offer. you need him more than he needs you, and perhaps that’s why you feel terrified at the prospect that maybe you’re not johnny’s best friend anymore. a tear drips down your cheek at the realization, and you quickly reach up to wipe it, hoping johnny didn’t see.

johnny sucks in a breath. he definitely saw. “is it something i did?” he says softly. you shake your head. his jaw clenches, “did-did something happen with mark?”

“no!” you say, a little too fast for the second time tonight. johnny raises an eyebrow. “no, really. he didn’t make me sad or anything. he made me happy, actually.” did he? you think he did, at least.

johnny stares at the asphalt. “that’s good. why are you upset, then?”

“i’m just being overdramatic,” you shrug, and fib, “i’m on my period.”

johnny almost rolls his eyes. “don’t lie about your period, you had it last week.” 

you flush, suddenly remembering that you’d asked johnny to bring you some pads in an emergency last week. “shit, i did.” you grin sheepishly. “well, maybe it’s a post-period mood swing? it’s nothing, don’t worry.”

“your emotions aren’t irrelevant,” johnny says. you’re silent. he stands, brushing his jeans off. “come on, let’s get ice cream for your post-period mood swing,” he jokes and holds a hand out for you to take.

you smile and grab his hand, pulling yourself up. “only if you pay.”

johnny laughs, a deep, soothing, happy sound that rings through the empty street. “i’ll pay if you get there first.” johnny starts off running, and your eyes widen.

“hey!” you whisper-shout, cautious not to wake any of the neighbors who are still sleeping through the bass of the music vibrating through jaehyun’s walls. you run after your best friend, who’s already gotten a head start down the street. as you grab onto the back of johnny’s jean jacket and lightly yank him back - johnny laughing and latching his hands around your waist to prevent you from running ahead - you feel like you’re the two high school juniors who snuck out of their houses at ten for boba again.

you and johnny eventually run out of breath, and johnny promises to pay for ice cream since neither of you can run another block. he keeps his promise, paying for your rainbow sherbet and his chocolate ice cream cone at the counter. 

“out with your girlfriend?” asks the cashier, a middle-aged man who smiles at the two of you like you’re his own children.

you expect johnny to tell him you’re not dating, but johnny simply smiles at the cashier. “thank you for the ice cream.” 

you frown in confusion as you trail after johnny, who’s walking ahead of you. “why didn’t you tell him?” you say when you catch up.

“tell him what?” johnny says. maybe it’s your imagination, but his cheeks seem redder than usual - it’s probably the cold air nipping at his skin.

“you know what,” you say, your eyes narrowed.

johnny blushes. “i don’t know,” he says bluntly. when you open your mouth again, he suddenly points to a few blocks ahead. “look, the carnival’s here already!”

it’s a small pop-up, traveling carnival with questionable rides and almost certainly rigged games that comes to the town every year at about this time for a week. a few students and many kids attend the carnival like a religious ceremony. you haven’t been to the carnival with johnny, but you also haven’t seen johnny ever this excited about something like the carnival before - you strongly suspect he’s just trying to distract you from whatever you were going to say. you oblige him, though, as he pulls your hand like a puppy on a leash.

“let’s go, hm?” he says when you’re by the entrance, and you’re reminded of a large puppy as he looks at you with those wide pleading eyes. 

you laugh. “okay, let’s go.”

johnny beams and leads you inside. “i’ve never been here.”

you’re not quite sure why johnny’s not letting go of your hand even after you’re inside, but you tell yourself it’s the alcohol getting to him. “i came here with mina last year,” you say, remembering how your friend almost strangled a booth manager when he said her prize was ‘unavailable at the moment.’ you can’t seem to tell johnny with his enthusiastic expression that it sucked, though. “it was cool.” you aren’t completely lying; you did have a good time with mina.

“i haven’t been to a carnival since i was twelve,” johnny smiles, cheerfully swinging your interlocked hands as you walk together. you feel like you’re dating johnny for a second - johnny with his pretty smile and his gentle hands and his soft voice. butterflies swirl inside your stomach at the thought of dating your best friend.

“really?” you say, swallowing your emotions down for the umpteenth time that night. “who’d you go with?”

“i think it was my dad,” johnny says after thought. as you look at him, you can’t help but think he looks handsome even under the dim red and yellow lights of the carnival. “do you have something you want to do?”

you shrug. “i’m not particularly good at anything.”

“me neither,” johnny grins. “wanna try that?” he juts his chin out to a shooting booth. 

“that’s so cliché,” you wrinkle your nose playfully. “you choose a shooting booth out of all of these?”

“come on,” johnny laughs and pulls at your hand. “you have to give me a chance to impress you at something.”

you know he’s joking, but you can’t help but blush as he tugs you along. the booth manager - an extremely bored-looking man in his late twenties - mutters something about stupid couples. “five dollars per ten shots,” he gestures to a target with gold, red, and blue rings that is placed a few meters behind him. “blue is a keychain, red is a plushie, and gold is a jumbo doll.”

it’s expensive, the target is almost impossibly minuscule, and the game is probably rigged. “maybe we should do something else,” you tell johnny, who pouts with earnest eyes that seem to beg please. you purse your lips. “fine, but don’t blame me if you lose all your money.”

johnny grins, handing the man a five dollar bill. “you know, i was lying when i said i’m not particularly good at anything.” he’s rather arrogant as he holds the toy shotgun with one hand - even going as far to wink at you before his first shot. he misses the target completely.

you giggle. “you’re right. you’re particularly bad at this.”

johnny pouts once more, grinning. “i’ll do better next time.” the next eight shots don’t hit anywhere near the target either, though, and he groans. “this has to be rigged.”

“let me try,” you say, curious. you aim the toy gun and pull the trigger as the nerf dart shoots out, the recoil pushing you back slightly. 

“oh, shit,” johnny says, his eyes sparkling as he wraps you in a big quick hug in his excitement. “that was awesome!”

you’re confused until you look over johnny’s shoulder to see that your nerf dart had landed on the edge of the blue ring. “oh, shit!” you say, a bit dumbfounded. “i got it!”

“pick one,” the booth manager passively pushes a rather dusty box of keychains towards you and johnny. 

johnny peers over your shoulder as you turn towards the box - an assortment of colorful, cheap-looking plastic keychains. you’re just happy you got the target, though. “wanna choose, johnny?” you coo at the tall boy as if he’s a child.

johnny blushes. “what?”

“pick one,” you say, pulling him closer to the box by his hand. “it’s your money anyways.”

“you won it,” johnny says. “pick one for me. it’ll mean more, then.”

your heart skips. had johnny’s dark eyes always been so pretty, his voice always been so pleasant, his hand in yours always been so large and soft? it must be the carnival lights and the endless night sky making you insanely sentimental. you shake yourself from your thoughts as johnny smiles at you in eager anticipation, turning your eyes towards the keychains. “hm,” you hum as you trace your fingers over the plastic keychains. “what about this one?” you hold up a keychain with a plastic teddy bear attached to it. something about it reminds you of johnny - it might be because johnny’s always there for a hug whenever you need him, or it might simply be because johnny’s sweater under his jacket is the same shade of brown as the keychain.

johnny grins. “cute.”

your heart skips again. “g-good,” you stumble over your words, trying to repair the mistake with a confident smile at the booth manager. “thanks.”

the man rolls his eyes and pushes the keychain box back into its original spot. you and johnny take that as a cue to leave. johnny tucks the keychain into his pocket as the two of you stroll through the carnival, eyeing other sketchy booths. johnny asks if you want to go on one of the thriller rides - your eyes widen as you shake your head, telling him you think you read a news article about someone who broke a bone on one of them. johnny ruffles your hair - to which you glare at him - and tells you he’s very skeptical.

“i don’t think we’ve ever been to an amusement park together,” you say as johnny reaches for the cotton candy the two of you are sharing. you’re sitting on a stone bench as you watch one of the rides swing dangerously high. 

“we haven’t,” johnny munches on the cotton candy, humming absentmindedly as his eyes follow the bright lights of the swinging ride. you can hear the muffled screams of people on the ride from far away. “i don’t think there were any amusement parks near our neighborhood in high school.”

“i feel like almost every time we intentionally see each other, it’s in a classroom, one of our dorms, or at a café,” you smile, a sweet aftertaste of the cotton candy on your tongue. you lick your lips. “we should do something else, maybe invite some of our other high school friends to do something together.”

“that would be fun,” johnny smiles, remembering the high school friend group the two of you used to be close with. “i miss them.” you nod in agreement, taking another bite of cotton candy. “by the way, are you really going out with mark for coffee?”

your tongue suddenly feels bitter, as if you already feel the taste of coffee on the tip of your tongue. “i told him i was,” you say. “i think he might like me?” it’s more of a question than a statement. 

johnny’s staring at the ride, but his eyes seem to be unfocused. “do you like him?”

you don’t know how to respond. it’s true that you appreciate the cute boy’s lovable blush and caring demeanor, and it’s true that he’s objectively attractive with his masculine cheekbones and wide eyes - but you’re not quite sure if you actually like mark. “i don’t know,” you say honestly. “but i want to see if it works out.”

“i-i don’t want you to go,” johnny says.

you blink, head whipping towards johnny. “what?” you’re not sure if you heard that right.

johnny bites his lip, still staring at the ride as if he’s afraid of looking you in the eyes. “i don’t want you to go.” 

it feels like the butterflies you’d swallowed down are making their way back up your throat. “i- what?” you feel utterly stupid, but you can’t seem to comprehend what’s happening. he’s silent. “johnny?”

johnny finally turns towards you, his eyes meeting your own. his breath hitches, but he chokes the words out. “i like you, you know,”

no, you definitely didn’t know. the words are at the tip of your tongue, but you bite them back because they don’t seem quite appropriate. besides, you don’t think your brain would let you say anything coherent right now with your heart jumping out of your chest.

johnny’s heart races with adrenaline. maybe it’s the spur of the moment, the dim red and yellow carnival lights, and the endless night that drives him crazy at this moment - or maybe it’s just the cheap alcohol at jaehyun’s place finally getting to his head. “i like you a lot.” his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips and back, and he can’t help but notice your shocked expression. “fuck, i can’t believe you didn’t know.” he laughs, running a hand through his hair. “i thought it was really obvious - and jaehyun and doyoung kept throwing those really obvious signals.”

you almost sputter. “t-that was about me?” you say, your face heating up as you remember the questions jaehyun and doyoung had asked during the game.

“oh - i shouldn’t have said that,” johnny mutters, his own cheeks a scarlet red as he remembers the questions they’d asked. he ruffles his hair again. “now it’s gonna be really awkward, isn’t it?”

you giggle, but a thousand thoughts storm your mind and a million butterflies storm your stomach. 

“let’s get home,” johnny smiles. this time, you know it’s not the dim carnival lights or the infinite night that makes your heart skip. you nod. 

the two of you walk home in comfortable silence, johnny coming to terms with an answer you never gave and you letting your thoughts run wild inside your head. you’ve always known johnny was handsome, sensible, caring. as you think about johnny’s pretty smile, johnny’s gentle hands, and johnny’s gentle voice, you realize that every time he’d wrap you in a hug, you’d stop crying; every time he looked upset, you’d be bothered for the rest of your own day; and every time he smiled at you, your heart would skip a beat. you realize that if you had a type, it would be tall, handsome, sensible johnny with his pretty smile, endearing bear hugs, and a heart even larger than himself - and you do have a type.

johnny’s steps slow as the two of you arrive at your dorm - johnny’s dorm is a few more blocks down. “goodnight,” johnny says, showing you his pretty smile another time. his eyes dart from your eyes to the sidewalk nervously, as if you might tell him you don’t want to be best friends anymore. 

“johnny,” you start, and his eyes meet yours again. you can see a mixture of regret and anticipation in them, but you choose to ignore it because the butterflies are already threatening to burst out of your stomach. you’ve never been good with words, no matter how simple they need to be. you take a deep breath before tugging johnny down by the collar of his jean jacket and pressing a kiss to his lips. johnny tastes like cotton candy and his soft hair that brushes against your forehead smells like the same lavender shampoo he’s used ever since you can remember. as you pull apart, you wonder if your face is as flustered as johnny’s is.

“i,” johnny says, the smile you adore spreading across his face along with the blush. “i- you like me?”

“i like you,” you repeat, finally finding the words you’d been looking for. you beam. “i like you, johnny.”

johnny laughs, and it’s the happiest laugh you’ve ever heard escape your best friend’s lips. his hands wrap around your waist as he lifts and spins you quickly, and you squeal in surprise. he laughs again, pressing another soft cotton candy kiss to your lips. “i like you, (y/n).”