Johnny Suh Angst - Tumblr Posts

JOHNNY SUH (서영호) — FRIENDS

(DRABBLE) ✧.* MINORS DNI (18+)

JOHNNY SUH was completely, utterly lost. he was lost in it, in you, in the sensation of you. he was lost in the way you milked him dry, giving him the perfect view of your tits bouncing in his face as you pressed your palms against the wall in front of you , leaning forward with your back arched as you met his pace with swift, harsh bounces with a cigarette in your mouth. he was lost in the way you moaned his name, begging him to go harder, faster before whispering sweet nothings into his ear to push him off the edge. “tearing my pussy open, fuck,” you purred, your breath hot against his ear as the tip of your tongue danced alongside his earlobe, voice muffled with the filter between your lips. “fuck me so good, gonna make me squirt all over this dick.”

he was absolutely lost in it, letting himself absorb the sheer filth of it all. he allowed himself those few minutes of escape, of temporary pleasure. his hands groped the flesh of your tits, squeezing the soft skin and probing at your sensitive nipples. his mind was a mess as his hands slid down your waist before stopping at your hips, cupping your ass. he leaned forward to take your tit into his mouth, letting the other one collide with his cheek as he sucked around your nipple. his hands spanked the soft of your ass, his thumb coming down to probe at your tight, sensitive asshole. he’d never fully push it in, he’d just keep it there long enough to hear you moan some more, to feel you clench around nothing but his fingernail.

“you’re so pretty,” the praise would always come through before johnny could stop himself, the words leaving a bitter aftertaste as they passed his lips. he hated himself for speaking his thoughts aloud, even if it wasn’t intentional. he hated himself even more when you didn’t respond, flashing him a mere smile in response. you were too lost in what he had to offer, your cunt clenching around his dick as you leaned forward to press your lips to his. you placed a single kiss to his lips, enough to give him a taste of the smoke. you pulled away to press the filter to his lips, watching with hungry eyes as he took a long drag.

it was his favorite part, kissing you. it felt more intimate than the sex itself. he didn’t hesitate to kiss you back, he’d always give in one way or another. his lips clashed with yours, melting against them as he cupped your cheek. he exhaled, blowing the smoke into your mouth as his tongue traced your bottom lip. you kissed him with desire, hunger, all the while he kissed you as if you were fragile, like you were on the verge of breaking. “your dick’s so fucking big, ’m close,” you whined, breaking the kiss to press your forehead against his.

he was just as close, thrusting upwards to match your speed. he practically felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as you tightened around his dick, your thighs slick with your juices and spread to give him the perfect view of your cunt swallowing him whole. you were greedy, but you were tempting, so he let you have him. he wanted more than what you were offering him, but he knew his chances were less than slim. he had broken up with his girlfriend and it left him heartbroken, in need of a distraction to fill the void. after a few bottles of beer and hours of consoling him, you had agreed to numb some of his pain, as friends. you had been fucking constantly, as friends. you were giving him everything he wanted, yet he wanted none of it. he had broken the first rule, and he wanted all of you. he hated himself for ever suggesting the entire ordeal, being friends with benefits. he didn’t want to be your friend, and he didn’t want these benefits anymore. he just wanted you.

“cum inside me,” you exhaled, your hair plastered to your forehead with sweat. you had never looked more tempting, riding his dick with a cigarette limp between your lips, tits shaking with every thrust he had to offer. “know you want to, johnny.” of course he wanted to, who wouldn’t? he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you in once more as his balls slapped against your ass, the angle allowing him to hit all the right spots.

he groaned in your ear, the sound of his raspy voice shooting straight through your core as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten. you could practically feel him coming up your ribcage as he held you close, pounding into your pussy with all his might. the cigarette trembled between your fingers and, soon enough, you found yourself tossing it aside, your limbs too numb to hold onto anything but the weight of your lust. at first, you felt bad, knowing you were just using each other. you wanted to be more than his sanctuary, than his friend, but it was too late for that. you forced yourself to comply, and eventually, you let yourself enjoy it.

“i’m gonna—” johnny cut himself off with a grunt, his fingers wrapping around the flesh of your hips as he lifted himself once more, filling your pussy to the brim with a loud moan. he let go, his cock throbbing with your walls clenching around it as he came inside you, shooting thick ropes of sticky white into you. it felt too good, all of it. he loved how warm you were, how tight you felt, how he always felt like he was breaking you with nothing but the size of his cock.

you moaned at the feeling of his hot cum seeping into your cunt, the scent of smoke lingering in his mouth as you kissed him once more. then, you felt yourself fall apart. you came just as hard, your vision going blurry as you clenched around his softening cock, pussy tightening around it as it spasmed some more, as if to tell you that you had milked it dry once again. you fell apart as you leaned back onto your elbows, spreading your legs farther apart to give johnny one last peek. he saw it, the way his cock slipped out of you and pushed against your slit, oozing with cum he didn’t even know he had in him. he watched the way your cunt throbbed, some of his seed spilling out as you did so. his cock felt hot against your naked thigh, threatening to harden a second time.

the opportunity was cut short as you stood up, swinging you bare legs off the bed. “going so fast?” johnny didn’t mean for it to sound as desperate as it did, truly. he watched as you approached your desk, taking another cigarette from the box and pressing it to your lips. you looked too good to be true—your makeup was smeared with tears, your hair slick with sweat, your lips plump and swollen, every curve of your naked body mingling with the light that filtered through the curtains. you turned to face him with a smile, crossing your legs despite being on display for him once more.

“got a date scheduled,” your tone was casual, as if you were oblivious to the ache that flared up in his stomach as your words cut through the silence. you were, in fact, very oblivious. more smoked passed your lips as you flashed him a smile, tucking the filter back into your mouth as you slid your panties back on. “we can go again tonight if i come back.”

if you came back. it was almost like you wanted him to suffer, but you didn't. it was nobody’s fault but his own. the thought of another man having you in any way that came to mind made him sick to his stomach, but there was nothing he could do about it. you were just friends, after all. so, he forced himself to lean back, crossing his arms behind his head as he forced a smile. “i hope you have a great time,” he lied. everything about it was a lie, after all. you smiled, your gaze alive with light as you looked at him like he was all you had. he was. after all, he was your best friend.

✧.*

JOHNNY SUH (서영호) — FRIENDS (2)

(EXTENDED) ✧.* MINORS DNI (18+)

the studio was filled to the brim with creativity, the kind only found in a university art class on a thursday afternoon. it was flooded with students, each absorbed in their own world. the faint smell of oil paints mingled with the earthy scent of wet clay, the low hum of charcoal pencils scratching against paper, and the occasional mutterings of frustration or triumph filled the space. easels were scattered about like skeletons, their frames supporting unfinished works that glistened under the soft light streaming from the high windows. sunlight slanted lazily across the floor, illuminating particles of dust in the air.

the professor, known for her lax attitude, had long stopped bothering with punctuality. she’d drift in whenever the mood struck, her students used to the freedom that came with it. some of them thrived in this lack of structure, diligently working on their projects—focused, hunched over their creations as though they were the only things in the universe. some sketched silently, the sharp scratch of pencil against paper a soothing background noise. others sculpted, fingers molding and shaping clay into forms that seemed to breathe. and then there was you.

you sat in the center of it all, doing absolutely nothing, arms crossed over your chest as you reclined back in your chair with a deep sigh. your eyes scanned the room, half-lidded with boredom, before your gaze inevitably dropped to your phone, face-up on the table like a reflection of your current mood. “holy shit,” you muttered to no one in particular, grabbing your phone and pressing it to your forehead. the cool glass made brief contact with your skin before you heaved another sigh, eyes fluttering shut in frustration. you peeked through one eye only to see some of your foundation now smudged onto the screen. perfect.

“what is it now?” joohyun’s voice piped up, soft yet amused, from across the table. she exchanged a quick glance with seulgi, who was already trying—unsuccessfully—to hide a knowing smirk behind her sketchbook. you waved your phone in the air, leaning back with exaggerated exasperation. “this asshole,” you grumbled, your words dripping with disdain. “he's the one who suggested a hotel instead of a motel, and now he wants me to chip in? like, i won the jackass lottery or something.”

seulgi’s lips finally parted into a grin, the kind of smile that made you feel even more ridiculous for being upset in the first place. she loved this, basking in the drama of your misadventures. you kicked your legs out under the table, letting them dangle as you vented, before dropping your phone with a soft clatter and burying your face in your arms. “who is it this time?” she asked, her voice brimming with barely-contained laughter. “the guy from that app? the one from yesterday?”

you lifted your head just enough to shoot her a look. you’d stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago—no more prince charming, no perfect ending. you were fine with it, honestly. you didn’t need romance; you just needed a little fun. “yeah,” you admitted, leaning back in your chair. “and i wouldn’t even be this pissed if he actually had any game. but it wasn’t even worth spending the night with him.”

joohyun reached over, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. her touch was gentle, sympathetic, as if she knew how many times you’d been through this cycle. you pressed your eyes shut, a shiver running through you as last night’s blurry details flickered across your mind. the cringe settled deep in your bones. “i’m so done,” you sighed once again, this time quieter, almost to yourself.

seulgi was already giggling, and joohyun was fighting back a grin of her own. you sat back up, hands hitting the table with a light thud as you tried to shake off the lingering embarrassment. “smoke break, guys?” seulgi shook her head, holding up two fingers that she’d been doodling on earlier. “can’t. quitting,” she replied in a higher, almost mocking pitch. “seulgi’s on a no-nic diet for the next three days.”

you shot her a look, feigning disgust as you pushed her hand away. “you psycho. what’s in three days?” she linked arms with joohyun, flipping her hair dramatically as if she were some movie star. “a blind date,” she sang, “and i can’t be shaking on the date, so i’m preparing.”

you rolled your eyes. “another blind date? you’re addicted to men, i swear.” the words were barely out of your mouth when you realized the irony of your statement. seulgi didn’t miss a beat, waving you off with a smug grin. “look who’s talking, miss i-fell-for-the-hotel,” she quipped, dragging joohyun away with a playful skip in her step.

you sighed, muttering under your breath, “point taken.” for a moment, you considered staying right where you were, hiding away in your bubble of frustration and second-hand embarrassment. but that wasn’t your style. instead, you pushed yourself forward, sliding across the floor in your chair until you reached the person you really needed to talk to.

“hey, loser,” you called out, your eyes locked on johnny’s figure as he worked. he was hunched over his sculpture, completely absorbed, his hands moving with precision as he molded the clay. his ears were covered with large headphones, barricading him from the outside world, oblivious to your approach. you watched him for a second longer, taking in the concentration etched into his features. workaholic, lunatic, or maybe a bit of both. he’d been your best friend for years now, and somehow, even through all your ridiculousness, he stuck around. you weren’t sure why, but you were grateful.

with a glance you hoped was nonchalant, you swung your boot gently into the back of his knee, not hard enough to topple him over but enough to get his attention. johnny’s head jerked up, his expression morphing from confusion to mild annoyance as he pulled his headphones down around his neck. “what do you want?” he sighed, his voice heavy with the weight of someone who had dealt with you a thousand times over.

you sighed dramatically, mimicking his tone as you flopped back into your chair. “seul and joo left, and now i have no one to smoke with.” you ran a hand through your hair, flipping it over your shoulder with unnecessary flair. “what if i go alone and get kidnapped? what’s my mom gonna do?”

johnny rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he were fighting off a smile. “i should just let you get kidnapped, you psycho,” he muttered, but there was no real venom behind his words. “let’s go.” that was all you needed. you shoved your chair back, springing to your feet with a grin, tapping johnny’s back playfully with your fists as he stood. he tried his best to hide the small smile tugging at his lips, but you knew him too well.

the hallway leading out of the studio was quiet, save for the occasional shuffle of footsteps and muffled voices from the rooms you passed. the door clicked softly as johnny pushed it open, letting a stream of late afternoon sunlight flood the corridor. you followed him out, the warmth hitting your skin in sharp contrast to the cool air of the studio. outside, the sky was a pale wash of blues and pinks, the first signs of evening beginning to settle over the campus.

you trailed after him, the soles of your boots echoing faintly against the worn stone stairs that spiraled down to the terrace below. the steps were chipped in places, the edges softened by years of students rushing up and down them, eager for a break, a moment to breathe. you descended with him at a leisurely pace, taking your time as you passed patches of ivy creeping up the sides of the building, the green leaves glistening under the fading sunlight.

as you reached the terrace, a familiar scene greeted you. a few other students were already there, lounging against the stone walls or perched on the benches, cigarettes hanging loosely from their lips, smoke curling lazily into the air. laughter and conversation floated around in a low hum, blending with the distant sound of traffic from the streets beyond the campus. it was a scene you had witnessed countless times—a place where people drifted between classes, seeking a moment of reprieve from whatever deadlines or frustrations weighed on their minds.

you plopped down onto the nearest bench with a sigh, the wood creaking beneath you as you shrugged off your jacket. your hand slid into the inner pocket, fingers curling around the familiar pack of cigarettes. with a quick flick of your wrist, you pulled one out and brought it to your lips, feeling the slight resistance as the filter pressed against your skin.

johnny remained silent as he walked to the edge of the terrace, arms folded across his chest as he leaned against the low metal fence. his gaze wandered over the campus below, where students meandered through the courtyard, their shadows long against the golden light. he looked like he was taking in the view, but you knew better. his eyes flickered back toward you, watching in that subtle, amused way he always did. there was something comforting about it—how he never had to say much, how his presence alone was enough.

you struck a match, the flame dancing momentarily before you lit your cigarette. you inhaled deeply, feeling the smoke curl in your lungs before you released it into the air, the cloud of it rising like a small puff of frustration. you smoked like it was the only thing anchoring you, like you could pull something solid from it if you just inhaled deeply enough. johnny’s soft scoff reached your ears, and you glanced over to see him shaking his head. “you’re a real addict, you know that?” his tone was teasing, but his gaze was sharp, the corner of his mouth twitching in a half-smile. still, he accepted the cigarette you offered him, taking it with a look that played at being indifferent but didn’t quite hide the fondness underneath.

“heard last night didn’t go so well,” he remarked, flicking the lighter and inhaling a slow drag before passing it back. you scrunched up your face, the memory hitting you all over again like a wave of distaste. “don’t even get me started. that son of a bitch,” you trailed off, slapping your palm against your forehead as if you could physically erase the entire night from your mind. you took another deep drag from your cigarette, letting the smoke soothe your nerves, though it did little to remove the embarrassment lodged deep in your chest.

johnny’s eyes lingered on you with that amused expression, the one that said he knew exactly how bad your night had been even before you said it. he leaned against the bench behind you, close enough that you could feel the slight brush of his shoulder as he hovered. you could sense his curiosity, see the way his gaze kept flicking toward the phone you had now opened in your lap.

“god, i hate it when they have tattoos like this,” you muttered, swiping left on the latest guy to show up on your screen. the tattoo in question—a lion etched awkwardly across the guy’s chest—made you gag in disgust as you dismissed him with a swipe, your fingers moving swiftly as if the mere sight of it offended your sensibilities. johnny shifted beside you, a small frown tugging at the corners of his lips. “pretty cheesy,” he murmured, taking another drag, the smoke curling around him in a soft cloud. he couldn’t help his hand from subconsciously patting down the tattoo that rested on his shoulder and extended above his pec. it was the same one he did his best to hide under baggy clothes, as he had gotten it done not too long ago. it was safe to say that your words stung.

you set your phone down on your lap, turning to meet his gaze with a look that was half-amused, half-exasperated. “come to think of it,” you started, the smirk creeping back onto your lips, “the guy from last night had a huge tattoo. wanna know what it said?” johnny shot you a look—half curiosity, half dread—but there was no real stopping you once you got started. he sighed, leaning in slightly, even though you both knew he didn’t really want to hear whatever it was you were about to say.

“‘i will never die,’” you recited with mock gravitas, your voice low as you mimicked the guy's words. johnny blinked, waiting for the punchline. you paused, savoring the moment before adding, “how? false advertising. that dick of his just kept dying and dying—” before you could finish, his hand shot out, pressing firmly over your mouth, his palm warm against your lips. you saw the way his eyes widened, the faint blush creeping up his neck, and you couldn’t help the smile that curled beneath his hand, though you were certain he could feel it.

“shut up,” he muttered, his voice tinged with disbelief as he glanced around, making sure no one else had overheard your scandalous recounting. his hand lingered for a moment longer before he pulled it away, exasperation written all over his face. “you’re insane.” you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you as you watched him shake his head. he was used to your antics by now, used to your endless rants about the ridiculous men you met and the even more ridiculous situations you found yourself in. it was part of his job, as your best friend, to listen to it all. as a man, though? he had heard more than he ever wanted to.

the glow of the vanity light cast a soft, golden hue over your apartment’s small, cluttered room. your reflection stared back at you, lips pursed in concentration as you applied the final touches to your look. the lipstick glided smoothly over your lips, completing the look you were known for on nights like these. you loved going out. there was something about the noise, the energy, the feeling of being alive among people, that kept you from ever staying in. the silence of your apartment, the stillness that came when you weren’t surrounded by the pulse of music or the buzz of conversation, felt suffocating.

you leaned in closer to the mirror, adjusting the curve of your eyeliner just so, exhaling softly as the familiar weight of anticipation settled in your chest. a night out was like a ritual—one you had mastered with the precision of someone who knew exactly who they were in those fleeting moments of freedom. the dress you wore tonight—a vibrant shade of red that hugged your body in all the right places—was daring, just as you liked it. your fingers absentmindedly smoothed the fabric, adjusting it one last time before your gaze drifted to your phone on the edge of the vanity.

its screen lit up with a soft glow, catching your attention as the group chat with seulgi and joohyun exploded with messages. seulgi was in full panic mode, flooding the chat with questions about outfits, makeup, and shoes, her usual pre-night-out anxiety in full swing. you smirked, your first instinct to fire back something to simmer her down, but your fingers hovered over her name for a moment before sliding over to johnny’s contact instead.

(y/n) 𖹭

where r we meeting up? (6:24 pm)

you didn’t have to wait long. the reply came in almost immediately, and the corner of your lips twitched in amusement as you read it.

chicago by trina vega

im literally in front of ur house? hurry up (6:24 pm)

you blinked, caught off guard. you glanced back at the time. had you really spent that long getting ready? it hadn’t felt like it, but time had a funny way of slipping away when you were perfecting your look. to be fair, johnny hadn’t exactly mentioned he’d be coming to pick you up. but then again, he always did, so you should’ve known. you let out a breath, casting one last look in the mirror before swapping out your denim jacket for the leather one that hung from the back of your chair. the familiar scent of worn leather greeted you as you shrugged it over your shoulders, its weight a comfortable presence against the soft fabric of your dress.

with one last glance around the room, you flicked off the lights and stepped outside, the evening air cool as it wrapped around you. much to your approval, johnny was exactly where he said he’d be, leaning casually against his motorcycle, the streetlights casting a faint glow over his figure. his lips quirked into a teasing smile as he raised a hand in greeting, eyes glinting with that ever-present, mocking amusement.

“so pretty,” you murmured, but your gaze had already slipped past him, landing squarely on his motorcycle. you couldn’t help the way your eyes softened as you admired it, the sleek, polished surface gleaming under the dim lights. for a second, his expression brightened, the compliment washing over him, but the light in his eyes dimmed just as fast as he realized it wasn’t for him. he let out an exaggerated sigh, his posture relaxing as he pushed off from the bike and reached for the spare helmet. “you should totally sell her to me,” you said, your tone playful but laced with just enough seriousness that johnny couldn’t quite tell if you were joking or not.

he scoffed, shaking his head as he passed you the helmet, his fingers brushing against yours for just a second. “you should totally change my name in your contacts,” he retorted, mimicking your playful tone as he mounted the bike with practiced ease. your lips curled into a smile as you swung your leg over the seat, the leather of your jacket creaking slightly as you inched closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. the warmth of his body radiated through his jacket, a comforting presence against your chest. you leaned in, your breath ghosting against the back of his neck as you murmured, “not a chance.”

the proximity, the casual intimacy of the gesture, was so common between the two of you, but you knew exactly the effect it had. you could feel the way johnny tensed slightly beneath your touch, could practically hear the gears grinding in his head. it was always like this—a careful dance between familiarity and something unspoken, something neither of you dared to acknowledge. he didn’t say a word, but the way his hands gripped the handlebars a little tighter was answer enough. he started the engine with a low rumble, the vibrations of the bike thrumming through your legs as you held onto him, your arms tightening instinctively around his waist. you rested your cheek against his back, a small smirk tugging at your lips as the bike roared to life beneath you.

the neon lights of the bar flickered above as johnny parked his bike, the low hum of the engine fading into the steady pulse of the city nightlife. you swung your leg over and hopped off, the heels of your boots clicking against the pavement. as you straightened your dress, a teasing grin spread across your lips when you noticed johnny’s outfit. “hey, you totally copied me,” you said, pointing at the black leather jacket he was wearing, almost identical to yours. your eyes glinted with playful accusation, lips tugging into a smirk.

he scoffed, his response casual as he pulled off your helmet and tucked it back onto the bike. “i’m older than you, loser. you’re definitely the copycat here,” he retorted, giving you a sideways glance. his voice was light, but there was a warmth to the banter, the kind of ease that came with knowing someone far too well. you waved him off with an exaggerated flick of your hand. “details, details,” you mumbled, already skipping ahead to the entrance of the bar, your boots clicking in a hurried rhythm. the thrill of the night ahead quickened your steps, an excitement bubbling in your chest that you couldn’t quite suppress.

johnny trailed behind, slower, more measured, but his eyes followed you with the same fond amusement they always did. you pushed open the heavy door, the familiar warmth and noise of the bar spilling out to greet you. the rich, smoky scent mingled with the low thrum of music, immediately washing over you like a comforting embrace. as you stepped inside, you were met with a chorus of cheers and loud greetings from the group already seated at the far end of the room. seulgi’s voice rang out first, her words blending with the din of laughter. “now we can get the night started!”

johnny gave a small smirk behind you, pulling out a chair between him and joohyun as you made your way over to the table. you took your seat, relishing the way the eyes of your friends danced with anticipation. this was your space, your people, and for a moment, everything outside these walls felt distant, irrelevant. one of the younger guys from your department, jaehee, leaned forward, his eyebrows raised in mock curiosity as he studied you and johnny. “oh, what’s this?” he asked, his gaze darting between the two of you. “you two have the same jacket, you almost look like a couple.”

his words earned a few playful jeers from the others, a chorus of knowing smirks and teasing grins circling the table. johnny stayed silent, his expression unreadable as he ran a finger along the rim of his empty glass, eyes trained elsewhere. but you scoffed in disbelief, waving the comment off with a laugh.

“as your senior, i’m offended,” you clicked your tongue, feigning hurt. “and here i was, considering paying for your drink.” your mock indignation drew a few chuckles from the table, though jaehee immediately clasped his hands together in a dramatic display of asking for forgiveness. johnny, however, seemed distant. you glanced his way, expecting a witty remark or at least some acknowledgment of the teasing, but his jaw remained tight, his focus locked on the empty glass before him. something was off, but you couldn’t quite place what it was.

the next half hour dissolved into a whirlwind of drinks and laughter, the room spinning with the lightheaded haze that came with each clink of the glasses. your cheeks flushed, the warmth of alcohol coursing through your veins as you joined in the cheers and toasts. but even in your tipsy state, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was bothering johnny. he sat there, quiet, his usual sharp remarks dulled by whatever was clouding his mood.

mark, one of johnny’s closer friends, leaned over, his grin wide and tipsy as he slurred out an idea. “let’s play a drinking game,” he announced, the table erupting in agreement. but just as quickly, johnny shook his head, pushing away from the table slightly. “i’m out,” he said simply, his voice firm but not aggressive.

you turned to him, frowning at his sudden withdrawal from the fun. “what’s your problem tonight, dude?” the alcohol gave your words an edge they might not have had otherwise, the confusion morphing into irritation. johnny didn’t meet your gaze, just shook his head again, his fingers tapping restlessly on the table. that only deepened your frown, your displeasure clear as you leaned back in your chair. before you could push further, mark chimed in with a laugh, slapping johnny’s shoulder. “he needs to get laid,” he grinned, his voice thick with alcohol-induced confidence. “give him a hand, (y/n).”

you sneered, your hand trembling slightly as you raised the now-empty bottle toward mark, words tumbling from your lips in a mixture of amusement and frustration. “only after i kick your ass,” you shot back, your tone playful but sharp. before you could do anything further, johnny swiftly reached over, plucking the bottle from your grasp and placing it back down on the table with a decisive clink. his expression remained neutral, though there was something firm in the way he moved, like he was pulling you back from a ledge you didn’t even realize you were on.

you stuck your tongue out at him, your way of telling him he was being no fun, but he just shrugged, his eyes betraying none of the thoughts swirling behind them. he was always like this—stubborn, distant when something bothered him. and you knew him well enough to recognize that something was eating at him tonight, even if he wouldn’t say what.

nonetheless, the room buzzed with excitement as the game kicked off, the energy of the group infectious. “shake your hands and take your shots, the game of death chose you!” came the enthusiastic chorus of voices around the table. even johnny joined in, his voice blending with the others, a smirk pulling at his lips despite the slight edge lingering in his mood. his tolerance for alcohol was impressive, but now, with a few drinks down, even he had loosened up enough to fully engage in the fun.

fingers were pointed, accusations flew across the table, and the countdown began. one, two—then, the inevitable happened. mark, poor mark, let out a dramatic cry of defeat, his head dropping to the table as if he had just lost everything. you clasped your hands together in delight, a wicked grin on your face as johnny leaned back with a chuckle, enjoying the spectacle. the entire table erupted in laughter, the kind that echoed through the room, bubbling up from deep within the belly.

“hat off, asshole,” johnny cooed, tugging at the brim of mark's cap, his grin growing wider as he let out a long-suffering sigh, as if preparing himself for some unspeakable punishment. with exaggerated slowness, mark removed his cap, his face twisted in mock despair. “here, here,” you chimed in, leaning forward with a glint in your eye, pulling the hair tie off your wrist. “he gets the hair tie. you reap what you sow, loser.”

mark sighed again, his eyes fluttering shut as you lazily tied his hair into a messy shape resembling a palm tree, earning another round of giggles from the table. it was all ridiculous, but that’s what made it fun. everyone loved a good humiliation as long as it wasn’t their turn to face the table’s judgment. johnny watched in silence, though he couldn’t quite shake the flicker of irritation that crept into his chest as he saw you leaning into mark, the casual way your hands brushed through his hair. he tried to push the feeling aside, taking a long sip from his glass, but it lingered. a part of him wasn’t entertained—at least not by that.

still, the game carried on. johnny refocused, pulling himself out of his own head as he gave Mark a mischievous nudge. "go up to the table across from us," he ordered, his voice low and amused, "ask those girls if you can dance for them." mark rose from his seat with a dramatic groan, stumbling slightly as he approached the two girls sitting at a nearby table. the group watched with rapt attention, stifling their laughter as he awkwardly tried to charm them into his dance. even johnny cracked a grin, though that strange feeling still lurked at the edges of his thoughts, especially when his gaze drifted back to you.

by the time mark returned, his face red and buried in his hands from embarrassment, you were already reclaiming your hair tie with a triumphant smirk. the laughter around the table began to die down, but the game’s energy lingered in the air, thick and buzzing. you poured yourself another drink, your hand surprisingly steady given the number of glasses you’d already downed, and casually poured one for Johnny too. he accepted it with a nod, his fingers brushing yours as he took the glass.

then, jaehee leaned forward, a sly grin creeping onto his face as he cupped his hands around his mouth to get everyone’s attention. “listen up, listen up,” he announced, his voice dropping as if he was about to share some forbidden secret. everyone leaned in, intrigued, their curiosity piqued. you tilted your head, your glass hovering near your lips as you waited for his revelation.

“who did the deed in the student council room last year?” he asked, eyes glinting with mischief. his words were met with a collective gasp from the table, everyone recalling the scandalous rumor that had circulated last year. you couldn’t help but chuckle, shooting johnny a knowing look across the table. you were the first to find out back then, and johnny was the first person you’d told. the memory of it brought a grin to your face.

“quit playing detective,” you slurred, pretending to be serious as you waved a hand dismissively. “you're barking up the wrong tree.” but your words only fanned the flames of anticipation, everyone now eagerly awaiting the revelation. jaehee leaned in closer, much too close for comfort, and johnny shot him a look, his voice low and dangerous. “get the fuck off me,” he muttered, nudging him back.

but jaehee persisted, his eyes gleaming with excitement. “come on, who did it?” you rolled your eyes, but couldn’t resist the temptation of feeding into the suspense. leaning in even closer, your voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, “really? none of you know?” a chorus of shaking heads followed, and you sighed theatrically before giving in. “it was jaehyun and a freshman.”

the table erupted in shock, gasps and exclamations flying in every direction as everyone turned to one another, exchanging stunned looks. johnny shot you a look too, one eyebrow raised, though there was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes that mirrored your own.

“no wonder you're called (y/n) live,” seulgi teased, raising her glass. “breaking news!” the nickname caught on quickly as the group toasted to your latest piece of gossip. the next hour blurred by in a haze of laughter and drinks, the thrill of your revelation keeping the energy high. it wasn’t until you tried to stand that you realized just how much you had indulged. the world tilted dangerously as you wobbled on your feet, your legs giving out beneath you as you crashed back down into your seat.

“(y/n)? are you okay?” mark asked, concern crossing his features as he leaned forward. but you waved him off with a lazy hand, your vision spinning as you tried to compose yourself. johnny was up in an instant, moving toward you like it was second nature. his hand found your arm, steadying you as you clutched the fabric of his jacket for balance. he leaned down, his voice quiet and close to your ear.

“want me to take you back home?” he asked, his tone soft, protective in a way that wasn’t overbearing but just enough to offer comfort. you shook your head, pushing yourself up again. everyone around the table seemed to be waiting for your answer, the night hanging in the balance.

“the next stop is seulgi’s house,” you slurred, but your voice regained strength as you straightened up, determination flashing across your face. “for the afterparty.” and just like that, the room exploded into cheers once more, the promise of more drinks and more fun driving the night forward, even as johnny cast one last glance your way, concern still lingering in the set of his jaw.

you weren't aware of much, floating somewhere between bliss and tipsy oblivion as johnny carried you on his back. his hands held firmly around your legs, adjusting every few steps to keep his grip tight as you lazily draped your arms over his shoulders. one of your hands held a cigarette, burning slowly in the dim night air. you brought it to your lips, taking a slow drag, feeling the familiar warmth slip through your veins. “do you really have to do that now?” his voice was low, exasperated, as he huffed under your weight, his breath curling into the cool evening.

you grinned lazily, bringing the cigarette up to his lips without a word. he paused, looking ahead for a moment, then gave in and took a drag for himself. you watched the smoke billow from his mouth, your eyes half-lidded as you murmured, “you're welcome,” before nestling your head against his back. you felt his body shift, and though he rolled his eyes, he said nothing, just adjusted his hold on you and kept walking.

seulgi and joohyun were ahead, arms locked, sharing one of those knowing glances you were too hazy to catch. mark, trailing behind them, couldn’t resist inserting himself between the two, throwing his arms around their shoulders as if he belonged there. “is there really nothing going on between them?” he whispered harshly, nodding toward you and johnny. seulgi exchanged another look with joohyun, both stifling giggles. mark persisted, wide-eyed and curious. “what? stop looking at each other. i wanna know, tell me.”

joohyun shook her head with a grin, but seulgi saved in. “she swears there isn’t, but,” she trailed off, leaving the sentence hanging in the air. “but what? what?” mark whined, quickening his pace as the girls sped up, their giggles floating back toward him.

when you finally reached seulgi’s apartment, the atmosphere shifted. there were more drinks, and everyone seemed determined to keep the night alive. bottles of soju passed from hand to hand, and as soon as one reached you, you eagerly reached out, ready to claim it as your own. before you could even feel the cool glass in your palm, though, it was snatched away.

you turned, your expression scrunching into a playful scowl as johnny twisted the bottle in his hand, lifting it to his lips before glancing down at you. “do you wanna die?” you asked sweetly, though the edge of irritation was unmistakable. he scoffed, taking a swig and meeting your gaze with a smirk. “don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

you pretended to think about it, your lips curving into a mischievous smile before you reached up and yanked the bottle back, catching him off guard. “thanks for your concern, dad, much love.” you took a long sip, the burn of the alcohol feeling almost comforting as it slid down your throat. johnny rolled his eyes again, but you didn’t miss the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he trailed behind you.

“we’re gonna step out to smoke,” you announced to the group, weaving your way through the circle of friends. jaehee and mark followed without hesitation, eager to join in. as the four of you headed toward the small balcony, you slapped johnny’s back playfully, still fighting for the bottle he was now keeping just out of reach. the night air felt crisp against your skin, a refreshing contrast to the warmth buzzing in your veins. you could still walk, but you weren’t exactly steady.

johnny plopped down on the outdoor sofa, and you followed, letting yourself collapse beside him. without thinking, you shifted, dropping your head onto his lap with a satisfied sigh. he tensed immediately, the sudden weight of you pressing into him clearly catching him off guard. you could feel his hesitation, the way his body stiffened as if unsure how to handle it, but when your eyes met his, something flickered in his expression—something unreadable.

he gulped, but before he could say anything, you seized the opportunity, snatching the bottle from his hand once more. you took a quick sip, then handed it back to him with a grin. “thanks,” you murmured, your voice soft, and for a moment, the world around you seemed to blur, leaving only the two of you in the hazy glow of the night.

meanwhile, jaehee paced around the balcony, his voice rising with a familiar complaint. “guys, you guys,” he slurred, throwing his arms dramatically. “joohyun is so pretty up close. oh, god.”

mark let out a laugh, almost too loud for the quiet night. “we get it already. so tell her,” you snapped, exasperated. “we can’t stand your fawning anymore. grow a pair, get rejected, and move on.” jaehee sighed, his body folding in on itself as he slumped forward, his head in his hands. his unrequited crush was a burden to everyone around him, a fact that seemed to grow more evident with every passing drink.

johnny chuckled quietly beside you, pulling out his vape and taking a long drag. you turned to him, your eyes narrowing as you eyed the device in his hand. “i wanna try,” you demanded, your curiosity piqued. “where’ve you been hiding this?” without missing a beat, he blew a cloud of fruity smoke directly in your face, his lips quirking in amusement. “there you go,” he said, his voice teasing. “like it?”

you scrunched your nose, glaring at him playfully before snatching the vape from his hand. you pressed yourself into him, your body fitting too easily against his as you brought the vape to your lips. he was visibly tense, though he tried to hide it, his eyes flickering between your face and the ground as if he couldn’t decide where to look. mark couldn’t help but notice. “how are you not hot, dude? take your jacket off,” he commented, blowing smoke from his own vape as he gestured toward johnny.

you turned to johnny, your brow furrowing in mock concern. “yeah, take it off. what are you, cold-blooded?” johnny hesitated for a beat, but eventually gave in. with a sigh, he peeled off his leather jacket, revealing the edge of a tattoo peeking out from under his shirt. the second the ink caught the light, both you and mark gasped in unison, your eyes wide with surprise.

“dude, when’d you get tatted?” mark asked, his voice full of awe. you were just as shocked, your fingers instinctively reaching out to trace the visible lines of the tattoo. johnny barely reacted to mark’s question, his attention focused solely on you as your fingertips brushed against his skin. the contact was subtle, but it sent a shiver down his spine, one that you could almost feel beneath your touch.

“you hate it?” he asked, his voice quieter than usual, almost unsure. you shook your head slowly, still tracing the ink with a delicate touch. your fingers tugged at his shirt slightly, exposing a bit more of the design along his collarbone. “it looks really good, actually,” you murmured, your voice soft and sincere. for the first time that night, johnny smiled—an unguarded, genuine smile that seemed to reach all the way to his eyes.

the next day hit you like a truck. your body felt leaden, your mind trapped in a fog that refused to clear. the hangover clung to you, a dull ache that pulsed behind your eyes with every breath, every movement. sleep had been fleeting, and recovery—nonexistent. but there was no time to linger in your misery; it was the day of the flea market, one of the biggest events of the semester. food stalls, fundraisers, and most importantly, the pride of your department—an exhibit of heartfelt student creations—were all on the agenda.

you dragged yourself into the classroom, still feeling half-dead, only to be greeted by your professor’s knowing smile. she stood at the front, arms crossed, watching you with a teasing glint in her eye. “it smells like you’ve had a long night,” she quipped, her tone dripping with amusement. “of preparing for the market, i assume.” you let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of your neck as you nodded. “obviously,” you said, feigning confidence. “we should consider selling soju, actually.”

your professor clicked her tongue, shaking her head slightly before turning her attention back to the review of preparations. you stifled a sigh, already feeling the weight of exhaustion pressing down on you. the hours that followed were a blur of frantic activity—setting up displays, arranging materials, checking every last detail. it wasn’t that there was an overwhelming amount to do, but the lack of help made it feel like you were tackling a mountain alone. every task felt heavier than it should’ve, your body screaming for rest with each passing minute.

by the time everything came together, you were beyond worn out. the thought of quitting, of abandoning it all, floated through your mind more than once. “i should just drop out,” you muttered under your breath, half-serious. “yup, that’s it.” you shook your head, trying to focus as you thought about your next move. the event hadn’t even started, and you needed a break, badly. a trip to the convenience store seemed like the only thing that could save you at this point.

slipping away from the scene, you made your way to the nearest store, the cool air a temporary reprieve from the heat and noise of the market preparations. you grabbed a few essentials—food, snacks, and, of course, alcohol. your hand hovered over a couple of cans of beer, and without a second thought, you tossed them into your basket. it wasn’t even the late afternoon, but who was keeping track? the fluorescent lights of the store buzzed quietly as you stood in line, your mind somewhere else entirely.

when you finally stepped out of the store, bags in hand, the market had transformed in your absence. the stalls were set up, bustling with energy as vendors finished last-minute preparations. the smell of grilled meat and fried snacks filled the air, mixing with the hum of chatter as students and visitors began to trickle in. you walked slowly, taking in the scene as you made your way back. bright banners fluttered in the breeze, colorful displays lining the path, but your attention was pulled elsewhere.

your gaze landed on your group, specifically johnny, standing at the center of it all, laughing with that familiar, easy smile. he stood taller than the rest, always the anchor of the group, but it wasn’t just his height that drew your eyes today. something else caught your attention—the two girls standing in front of him, both smiling brightly, flirting in a way that made your stomach twist uncomfortably.

this was nothing new. johnny had always been popular, his laid-back demeanor and quiet charm drawing people in. but today, something felt different. it wasn’t just their presence that bothered you. it was the way your chest tightened at the sight of him, his jacket off for the first time in a long while, his tattoo partially exposed. the ink was dark against his skin, catching the light as the girls leaned in, clearly captivated.

you scoffed, pulling the bag higher onto your shoulder as you watched the scene unfold. one of the girls made a move—too bold for her own good—and you could see the subtle shift in johnny’s expression, the moment he let her down easy, polite but distant. they exchanged eye rolls before walking away, defeated, and you couldn’t help but smirk. “what a show,” you teased as you approached him, your tone light but pointed. “you’re quite the catch now that you’re inked up.”

johnny rolled his eyes, though a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he made room for you beside him. “what’s in the bag? what’d you get me?” he asked, his voice casual, though there was an edge of curiosity beneath it. you grinned, pulling out two cans of beer and holding them up triumphantly. his eyes widened for a second before he groaned, pushing your hands back toward the bag.

“shit, put that away,” he muttered, his tone a mix of exasperation and amusement. “you psycho. all you do is drink.” you let out a dramatic sigh, slipping the cans back into the bag. “you’re no fun,” you pouted, kicking your legs up and resting them across his lap. his body tensed under the sudden contact, though you didn’t notice, too distracted by the scene unfolding in front of you.

your eyes landed on jaehyun, dressed in traditional japanese clothing by one of the food stalls, his hands pressed together in a namaste gesture as he spoke to a customer. you burst out laughing, unable to keep it in.

“what the hell is he doing? namaste,” you mocked, mimicking the gesture as you stifled another laugh. “i should start using that.” johnny chuckled beside you, pressing his palms together in imitation. “what would you ever use it for?” he asked through his laughter.

you turned to him, still laughing, but your breath caught when your eyes met his. there was something in the way he looked at you, something that made the world feel smaller, quieter. the noise of the market faded into the background, leaving only the two of you in that moment. it didn’t last long, just a brief flicker of something unspoken. but it was long enough for you to feel your heart skip, a sudden jolt you couldn’t explain. and for the first time in a long while, you wondered why being around johnny made you feel this way. because you knew—it wasn’t just about the tattoo.

just as you pulled out the can of beer you’d been craving all afternoon, a familiar figure appeared out of the corner of your eye. your professor, her sharp eyes sweeping the market, walked toward you with a faint smile playing on her lips. she settled herself on the steps above, overlooking the both of you. you straightened up slightly, exchanging quick, sheepish glances with johnny as you greeted her. “well, well,” she said, folding her hands neatly in her lap, “enjoying the festivities?”

you both nodded, doing your best to appear composed despite the weariness clinging to you like a second skin. the professor’s gaze drifted across the market, her eyes landing on jaehyun, who was still stationed at his stall, gracefully bowing to another customer, his outfit swaying lightly in the breeze. “jeong jaehyun, right?” she asked, her voice cutting through the soft hum of the crowd. you both nodded in unison. “that’s him,” you confirmed.

a small smile tugged at her lips. “i remember him. he’s good at what he does.” neither of you responded immediately, unsure if there was more to the statement. you exchanged a glance with johnny, who, true to form, remained silent, staring at the ground as though it held the answers to all of life’s questions.

then, the professor turned her attention fully to the two of you, her eyes glinting with a curiosity you hadn’t anticipated. her tone softened, almost as though she was asking something of little consequence. “are you two dating?” the question hung in the air, far heavier than it should have been. you barely had time to react before johnny tensed beside you, his gaze fixed stubbornly on the floor. he said nothing. the silence stretched, becoming more uncomfortable by the second.

you broke it with a laugh, the kind of laugh that bubbled up naturally, as if the whole notion were ridiculous. “absolutely not. never ever ever ever,” you said, chuckling through your words. but the professor didn’t seem convinced. she raised a brow, her smile growing ever so slightly. “why not? kids like you always end up getting together.”

her words felt oddly deliberate, and you could sense johnny beside you wishing for the conversation to be over. anything to stop your amused laughter and the strange, lingering feeling the question left behind. you shook your head, still grinning. “we’re the exception, don’t worry,” you assured her, your tone light, though you noticed johnny shift slightly beside you, as though the whole conversation had put him on edge.

the professor let out a soft hum of acknowledgment, clearly unconvinced but willing to drop it for now. she rose to her feet, brushing off her skirt with a practiced motion. “i’ll be off then,” she said, glancing at both of you. “don’t cause any trouble—and make sure to clean up after.” you both nodded in response, watching her walk away, the air still thick with the weight of her question. the moment she was out of sight, you leaned back against johnny’s shoulder with a dramatic sigh, your legs still draped over his lap as you fished another beer out of the bag.

without missing a beat, you cracked the can open with a satisfied exhale, but before you could even take a sip, Johnny’s hand shot out, snatching it from you with ease. you let out a whine of protest. “no, no,” he teased, raising the can to his lips as he took a swig. “i’m sorry, we don’t serve alcohol here.” you glared at him, snatching the can back with a huff. “let me live,” you groaned, bringing the can to your lips and finally taking a sip, savoring the cold bitterness as it slid down your throat.

johnny shook his head in disbelief, his lips twitching with amusement. “is all you do drink?” he asked, his voice laced with mock exasperation. “aren’t you gonna drink at the after-party tonight anyway?” you waved him off with a dismissive hand, not in the mood for his nagging. “you nag me more than my mom does. it’s heartbreaking,” you said dramatically, your gaze wandering up to the sky, watching the soft hues of the evening begin to deepen.

johnny rolled his eyes, though there was a hint of fondness in the gesture. “whatever, dude. just know i’m not gonna carry your ass back home.” you chuckled softly, closing your eyes for a moment as the weight of the day finally started to catch up to you. you knew how these nights went—the drinking, the laughter, the inevitable crash. and yet, you couldn’t help but grin as you leaned further into him, completely unbothered.

johnny wished, more than anything, that he had signed some kind of contract earlier that day—one that would have absolved him of the responsibility of carrying your drunk, disorderly self. this had happened so many times before, but this time felt different. you had gone too far. again.

the night had stretched long past its welcome, the bars closing one by one, until the last stragglers stumbled out into the streets. most of the group had already gone home, leaving johnny with the burden of getting you on your feet. you sat slumped on the curb, outside the entrance of the bar, refusing to move. strangers walked by, some giving curious glances, but most too busy with their own drunken states to notice.

johnny stood a few feet away, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, staring at you with a mix of amusement and exasperation. you were making a scene, but you didn’t care. you never cared when you reached this point. “hey, let's go. come on,” he said, his voice laced with tired patience as he approached. “everyone’s gone already.” he nudged your shoulder lightly with his foot, but all you did was groan in response.

when it became clear that words weren’t going to work, he crouched down behind you, his body close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off him. his hands rested on your shoulders, and you could smell the faint trace of cologne lingering in the fabric of his jacket. it was a smell you had grown accustomed to, yet tonight, with the alcohol swimming in your veins, it seemed stronger, more distracting.

“i’m gonna leave without you, you need to get a hold of yourself,” he muttered, though he knew it was a hollow threat. johnny wasn’t going to leave you behind. he never did. you didn’t respond, too caught up in the sensation of his presence behind you—his breath warm against the back of your neck, his hands steady and sure. the world was a blur, but somehow, the closeness of him was the one thing that cut through the haze. you tilted your head back against his arm, your eyes half-lidded as you looked up at him.

“do you know what time it is? we gotta go, man,” he said again, his voice breaking the silence that had settled between you. but you didn’t answer. you just stared at him, catching the flicker of nerves in his eyes as he held your gaze. for a second, he seemed caught off guard, the usually calm and collected johnny looking at you as if he didn’t know what to do next. then, without thinking—because thinking was far beyond you now—your finger flew up to press against his lips, silencing whatever words were about to tumble out of his mouth.

“just shut up,” you slurred, your finger still resting gently against his lips. his eyes widened in shock, his whole body freezing as the world around him seemed to stop. he stared at you, stunned, his mind racing to catch up to what was happening. your words hung heavy in the air, their weight sinking into his chest. “i never noticed before,” you mumbled, your voice low and slurred, “but you’re handsome up close.”

that was it. the world tilted slightly, the alcohol and the intimacy of the moment crashing together in his head like waves against the shore. johnny’s heart was pounding in his chest, each beat louder than the last, his skin burning from the heat of the situation, from the way your finger still lingered against his lips. your finger slowly fell away, but the space it left behind was almost unbearable. before he could fully process it, before he could even think of what to do, you grabbed the back of his head, your fingers threading through his hair as you pulled him down. and then, your lips were on his.

the kiss was messy, uncoordinated, a clash of warmth and alcohol-fueled impulsiveness. johnny’s brain screamed at him to react, to pull away, but his body refused to listen. he was too stunned to do anything but sit there, eyes wide, breath caught in his throat, as you pressed into him, your lips soft against his. it was a sensation he hadn’t expected—hadn’t even allowed himself to imagine. when you finally pulled away, leaving a cold void between you, your eyes met his, heavy-lidded and searching. for a moment, neither of you moved, the tension between you thick and electric.

then, as if the shock had worn off, johnny’s hand reached out, pulling you back in. this time, he wasn’t frozen. his lips found yours again, and this time, they moved in sync with yours, each movement slow and deliberate. it was nothing like the first kiss—this one was softer, deeper. johnny’s hand cradled the back of your head as he kissed you again, his mind no longer racing, no longer trying to make sense of what was happening. all he knew was the taste of your lips, the warmth of your skin, and the way the world seemed to shrink down to just the two of you, sitting on a curb in the middle of the night.

he was completely, utterly lost. he was lost in it, in you, in the sensation of you. he was lost in the way you milked him dry, giving him the perfect view of your tits bouncing in his face as you pressed your palms against the wall in front of you, leaning forward with your back arched as you met his pace with swift, harsh bounces with a cigarette in your mouth. he was lost in the way you moaned his name, begging him to go harder, faster before whispering sweet nothings into his ear to push him off the edge. “tearing my pussy open, fuck,” you purred, your breath hot against his ear as the tip of your tongue danced alongside his earlobe, voice muffled with the filter between your lips. “fuck me so good, gonna make me squirt all over this dick.”

he was absolutely lost in it, letting himself absorb the sheer filth of it all. he allowed himself those few minutes of escape, of temporary pleasure. his hands groped the flesh of your tits, squeezing the soft skin and probing at your sensitive nipples. his mind was a mess as his hands slid down your waist before stopping at your hips, cupping your ass. he leaned forward to take your tit into his mouth, letting the other one collide with his cheek as he sucked around your nipple. his hands spanked the soft of your ass, his thumb coming down to probe at your tight, sensitive asshole. he’d never fully push it in, he’d just keep it there long enough to hear you moan some more, to feel you clench around nothing but his fingernail.

“you’re so pretty,” the praise would always come through before johnny could stop himself, the words leaving a bitter aftertaste as they passed his lips. he hated himself for speaking his thoughts aloud, even if it wasn’t intentional. he hated himself even more when you didn’t respond, flashing him a mere smile in response. you were too lost in what he had to offer, your cunt clenching around his dick as you leaned forward to press your lips to his. you placed a single kiss to his lips, enough to give him a taste of the smoke. you pulled away to press the filter to his lips, watching with hungry eyes as he took a long drag.

his favorite part seemed to be kissing you. it felt more intimate than the sex itself. he didn’t hesitate to kiss you back, he knew he’d give in one way or another. his lips clashed with yours, melting against them as he cupped your cheek. he exhaled, blowing the smoke into your mouth as his tongue traced your bottom lip. you kissed him with desire, hunger, all the while he kissed you as if you were fragile, like you were on the verge of breaking. “your dick’s so fucking big, ’m close,” you whined, breaking the kiss to press your forehead against his.

he was just as close, thrusting upwards to match your speed. he practically felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as you tightened around his dick, your thighs slick with your juices and spread to give him the perfect view of your cunt swallowing him whole. you were greedy, but you were tempting, so he let you have him. he wanted more than what you were offering him, but he knew his chances were less than slim. the two of you had allowed yourselves to break the first rule of friendship between men and women, and he had no interest in knowing what would happen the next morning. in fact, he wasn’t even thinking about it. the alcohol had absorbed his mind so nicely that he was unable to focus on anything but you, you and you.

“cum inside me,” you exhaled, your hair plastered to your forehead with sweat. you had never looked more tempting, riding his dick with a cigarette limp between your lips, tits shaking with every thrust he had to offer. “know you want to, johnny.” of course he wanted to, who wouldn’t? he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you in once more as his balls slapped against your ass, the angle allowing him to hit all the right spots.

your best friend groaned in your ear, the sound of his raspy voice shooting straight through your core as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten. you could practically feel him coming up your ribcage as he held you close, pounding into your pussy with all his might. the cigarette trembled between your fingers and, soon enough, you found yourself tossing it aside, your limbs too numb to hold onto anything but the weight of your lust. you tried to reassure yourself that this was no different fro. your usual activities, that it wouldn’t strain your friendship. you wanted to believe it wouldn’t make things weird.

“i’m gonna—” johnny cut himself off with a grunt, his fingers wrapping around the flesh of your hips as he lifted himself once more, filling your pussy to the brim with a loud moan. he let go, his cock throbbing with your walls clenching around it as he came inside you, shooting thick ropes of sticky white into you. it felt too good, all of it. he loved how warm you were, how tight you felt, how he felt like he was breaking you with nothing but the size of his cock. the way you bit down on his tatted shoulder only confirmed his thought.

you moaned at the feeling of his hot cum seeping into your cunt, the scent of smoke lingering in his mouth as you kissed him once more. then, you felt yourself fall apart. you came just as hard, your vision going blurry as you clenched around his softening cock, pussy tightening around it as it spasmed some more, as if to tell you that you had milked it dry once again. you fell apart as you leaned back onto your elbows, spreading your legs farther apart to give johnny one last peek. he saw it, the way his cock slipped out of you and pushed against your slit, oozing with cum he didn’t even know he had in him. he watched the way your cunt throbbed, some of his seed spilling out as you did so. his cock felt hot against your naked thigh, threatening to harden a second time. the opportunity never came, unfortunately, as the exhaustion had a way of overpowering the two of you.

the morning unfolded in a muted haze, each moment stretching out painfully as you navigated through the aftermath of the night before. the air felt heavy, and every sound seemed amplified in the silence of your room. you stood in the shower, the hot water cascading over you, but all it did was intensify the flood of thoughts racing through your mind. “how could you have slept with him?” you cursed yourself repeatedly, the echo of your own voice drowned by the rush of water. “of all people—your best friend. you’ve really fucked this one up.”

you scrubbed at your skin as if trying to wash away the shame and confusion that clung to you, but it was no use. the image of johnny’s euphoric expression, the warmth of his breath against your lips, and the weight of his body pressing into yours lingered like an unwanted tattoo etched in your mind. you knew he must have hated you for what had happened; there was no other explanation.

you paced back and forth in your room, drying your hair with one hand while the other fiddled with your towel. “he’s definitely gonna end our friendship,” you muttered, the words tasting bitter on your tongue. “can’t let that happen. i won’t.” determination flooded your veins, pushing back the rising tide of despair. you had to face him. you couldn’t let this ruin everything you had built together.

finally, after what felt like an eternity of agonizing over every possible outcome, you stepped back into the shared space. the sunlight streamed in through the window, illuminating the room in a soft glow, but the beauty of it all was lost on you. johnny was sitting in front of the mirror, hands clasped in his lap, his gaze locked on his reflection. what had he done?

the sight of him sent a pang of regret through your chest, and before you could gather your thoughts, you tripped over the edge of the doorframe, stumbling into the room. a loud clatter echoed through the quiet, and you hissed in pain as you hit the floor. “are you okay?” his voice cut through the silence, concern lacing his tone as he turned to face you.

“oh, yeah. i’m good,” you replied, forcing a nervous laugh as you pushed yourself back to your feet, trying to brush off the embarrassment. but his serious demeanor sent a wave of unease through you. “could we talk for a bit?” his tone was soft yet edged with an underlying tension, and you nodded quietly.

the silence stretched uncomfortably, wrapping around you like a thick fog. you let out a nervous laugh, desperate to break the ice. “woah, i must have alcohol-related dementia, dude,” you said, feigning concern as you tapped your head. “i don’t remember anything, so maybe—” but he cut you off, his voice now colder, sharper. “what? it was all a mistake?”

you froze, the gravity of his words sinking in. you couldn’t let this ruin everything. “yeah, we both made a mistake. we were drunk, right?” your voice was steady, but doubt crept in as you saw something shift in his expression—something dark, something that made you wish you could take back your words. he pulled his shirt over his head, an action so mundane that it sent your heart racing with a different kind of confusion. “since we made a mistake, nothing has to change between us. don’t you think?” the question hung in the air, but he offered no response.

“i'm leaving,” he finally said, his tone abrupt, the finality of it sending a chill through you. you had never seen him like this—so distant, so cold, and the sight of it felt like a knife twisting in your gut. “wait!” you called out, desperation spilling into your voice, but it was too late. he stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him with a resounding thud that echoed in the stillness of the room.

you stared at the closed door, your heart sinking. “shit, dammit. what have i done?” you muttered, the words barely above a whisper as you leaned your head against the wall, the coolness of it doing little to ease the warmth creeping to your cheeks. the panic set in, swirling in your chest like a storm. you were totally, utterly screwed.

the warm, fragrant steam wafting from the bowl of hangover soup enveloped you as you sat in the cozy little restaurant, seeking solace in its rich, comforting broth. each spoonful felt like a balm for your weary soul, a temporary reprieve from the relentless pounding in your head. you stared into the bowl, your mind drifting through the hazy remnants of the previous night, replaying every moment like a film stuck on repeat. just as you began to find some peace within the familiar flavors, the tranquility shattered with the entrance of a familiar figure.

“jeong jaehyun?” you scoffed, catching a glimpse of him as he strolled by, all confidence and charm, his laughter echoing softly as he greeted someone on the other side of the room. you couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself, “namaste,” you mumbled, amused by the ridiculousness of it all. yet, as you continued eating, your smile faded, quickly replaced by the weight of your earlier encounter with johnny.

you returned to your soup, lost in your thoughts, when another figure captured your attention. this time, the atmosphere shifted as johnny strolled in, his expression unreadable. your heart raced as he plopped down across from you, and you nearly choked on your soup. for a moment, neither of you spoke. the silence stretched, thick and tense, as if the air itself was waiting with bated breath. then, finally, he broke it. “last night wasn’t a mistake for me,” he admitted, his voice steady but tinged with something deeper, something that sent a jolt through you.

you blinked, disbelief washing over your features. “and things won’t be the same for me, not anymore,” he continued, and your stomach twisted as you processed his words. “i don’t think i can just pretend it didn’t happen.” your eyes fluttered shut, and you exhaled an exasperated sigh. couldn’t he see how complicated this was? you had been careful, guarded—emotions were messy, and you didn’t want to get caught in the web of your own heart. “so, what’s gonna happen now?” you asked, setting your spoon down with a clink that echoed in the stillness between you.

“i don’t think i can be your friend now,” he stated, and with each word, you felt the reality of the situation sink in like a heavy stone. your eyes widened in realization, shock flooding through you. “i want you to be my girlfriend,” he said, his voice steady but vulnerable, as if he were laying bare his soul on the table between you.

stunned, you stared at him, mouth slightly agape. “you want us to date just because we slept together once?” you scoffed, incredulity bubbling to the surface. “do you even like me?” his silence was a heavy weight, pressing down on both of you. yes, johnny so desperately wanted to say, yes. but he knew better than to voice it; the fear of rejection loomed larger than his desire to confess.

“see, you can’t even answer that,” you said, your tone softening as the initial shock began to subside, replaced by something heavier—an aching uncertainty. he sighed, his shoulders slumping as if the weight of the world rested upon them. “okay,” he conceded, voice quiet but resolute. “if that’s how you feel, i’ll take care of my feelings.” the finality of his words hung in the air like a thread, ready to snap. but without another glance, he stood up, his chair scraping against the floor with a painful sound.

“what? wait!” you called out, desperation coloring your voice. you wanted to know what was next, where this left you both. but your plea echoed unanswered, only drawing the attention of the nearby diners, their curious gazes flicking toward the two of you. johnny didn’t stop; he was already gone, leaving you alone amidst the clamor of the restaurant. you had opened pandora’s box the moment you kissed him, and now, everything was unraveling.

the hangover that had clung to you since morning seemed to dissolve as the news of jaehyun treating the group to pizza settled in. your appetite, long dormant, returned in full force, and despite the swirling confusion in your mind, the thought of warm, cheesy pizza made your stomach growl. but with that bit of good news came an unwelcome thread of tension—your thoughts immediately jumped to jaehyun, and the secret you’d let slip a few nights before. had someone told him? did he know?

by the time you and the others arrived at the restaurant, the question still haunted you, but you masked it with a neutral smile as you slid into the seat next to jaehyun. he gave you a polite smile, the kind that was effortlessly charming but hard to read. “hey, haven’t seen you in a while,” he greeted, his tone light but pointed.

“yeah, could say the same,” you responded, a nervous smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. the memory of last night’s slip-up echoed in your mind, but before either of you could dive deeper into the conversation, joohyun and seulgi appeared at the table, their presence cutting through the awkwardness. “thanks again, jae,” seulgi chimed, and jaehyun just nodded in his easygoing way. you almost felt a sense of relief, but it was fleeting.

mark and jaehee showed up shortly after, their energy infectiously bright as they took their seats. you turned to greet them, but the moment you did, your heart stopped. johnny was walking with them, and the second you caught sight of him, everything inside you froze. instinctively, you whipped back around, heart pounding in your chest as you tried to compose yourself. but it was impossible to ignore the magnetic pull of his presence; your eyes found his across the table, and suddenly, everything else faded into the background. it was silent and unbearably awkward. the look in his eyes was unreadable, but you couldn’t seem to tear yourself away.

“is it just me or did it just get cold in here?” mark asked with a shiver, his innocent comment cutting through the palpable tension. “you’re totally right, i felt a chill,” jaehee added, throwing a knowing glance around the table. jaehyun shot a quick look between you and johnny, but before he could say anything, the pizza arrived, mercifully shifting the mood. the mixed array of seafood, vegetables, and meat was laid out before you, and you seized the opportunity to break the moment, reaching for a slice—though all you did was pluck a piece of shrimp from it, trying to distract yourself.

“you liar, you said you were on a diet,” joohyun teased, breaking the tension with a playful grin. you waved the shrimp in her face with a smile of your own. “obviously, that’s why i’m only going for the shrimp,” you quipped, trying to ease the growing discomfort in your chest. but just as you thought you might be able to relax, jaehyun’s voice pulled your attention.

“a diet? why, are you seeing someone?” his question was innocent enough, but it hit you square in the chest, your heart sinking as you forced out a laugh. “as if,” you replied, the smile slipping from your face as you caught a glimpse of johnny across the table. “you guys know me better than that.” the words barely left your lips when you noticed the way johnny’s expression fell. his face shifted, and for a brief moment, something in you ached at the sight. but before you could dwell on it, mark, oblivious to the growing tension, slapped his chest dramatically as if struck by a revelation.

“now that we’re talking about it,” he began, addressing johnny with a grin. “how would you like to go on a blind date?” a blind date? you nearly choked on the words as they hit you, your surprise mirrored by johnny’s reaction. it was written all over your face as you watched his expression shift, his attention now fully on mark. “with who?” he asked, his voice calm, but you could sense the curiosity laced within it.

mark leaned in, his smile broadening as he wrapped an arm around johnny’s shoulders. “with my friend. she saw a picture of us and is interested in meeting you.” he sounded excited, unaware of the tightening knot forming in your chest. you noticed Joohyun casting a knowing glance your way, her smirk unmistakable. and though you tried to brush it off, the sting was there, sharp and cutting. johnny seemed genuinely intrigued, and for reasons you couldn’t quite explain, it made something inside you twist painfully. the urge to speak up was overwhelming.

“tell your friend,” you interrupted, your voice steady but betraying your inner turmoil, “that seeing any guy just because she’s lonely won’t end well for her. lonely people will still be lonely even if they date.” the second the words slipped out, you regretted them. the entire table fell silent, all eyes turning toward you, even johnny’s. the weight of your own statement hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. his gaze, cool and unwavering, pierced through you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look away. his next words were measured, deliberate, as if meant just for you.

“tell your friend,” he began, his voice low, eyes still locked on yours, “that i’m more than interested.” the table erupted into cheers, mark and jaehee clapping in excitement, but you couldn’t bring yourself to join them. the bitter taste of jealousy lingered in your mouth, and though you had no right to feel this way, the emotions churned violently within you. you should’ve been happy for him, for his chance to move on. but as you sat there, staring at him, all you could think about was the shift that had occurred between you. and worse, the possibility that you had lost him for good.

you had sworn you’d keep your mind off johnny tonight, but as the hours dragged on, your resolve crumbled. the stupid dating app you relied on felt more pointless than ever, but it was the only distraction you had. someone named doyoung had caught your attention—well, enough to pull you through another empty evening. his messages were blunt, devoid of charm, but that suited you fine tonight. you didn’t have the energy for anything more. you didn’t want to feel.

“so, should we have a drink first?” his voice barely registered, and frankly, you weren’t even sure his name was doyoung. you were already too tired to care. “or should we just get a place to fuck?” the crudeness of his words slid over you like rainwater. you barely flinched. “i don’t know, whatever you want,” you replied, your tone flat, uninterested. everything around you felt muted, dull. the walk to the bar had been just as cold as your mood, and the cool night air did nothing to clear your head.

you didn’t catch most of what doyoung said next, his voice dissolving into the background as your attention shifted. it wasn’t the open bar that caught your eye—it was the people inside. or rather, him. johnny. and he wasn’t alone.

your heart plummeted at the sight of him, seated at a table with a girl who was undeniably pretty. too pretty. you knew exactly who she was—the blind date mark had set up, the girl who had shown interest in johnny. she was laughing at something he said, leaning in closer, her eyes wide and animated, and the worst part? the smile on johnny’s face. that smile, the one you thought was reserved for moments only the two of you shared. the sight of it on his face while he sat next to her made your stomach churn.

“you know what? let’s drink here,” you blurted out, cutting doyoung off mid-sentence, not even giving him time to process the change in plans. before he could say anything, you grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him toward the entrance, your steps quick and impulsive. embarrassment threatened to flood your chest, but you shoved it aside. how could you care about something like that when johnny was right there with someone else?

you pushed your way through the door, the air inside warm compared to the biting cold of the night. the bar was lit, cozy in a way that didn’t match the knot of tension building in your gut. without hesitating, you yanked out a chair and sat down at the table right beside johnny and his date. you could feel doyoung lingering behind you, confused but compliant, sitting down awkwardly.

the girl didn’t seem to notice, too wrapped up in whatever she was saying to johnny, but he noticed. the moment he saw you, his body tensed, his hand pausing mid-motion, nearly causing him to choke on his drink. you caught the subtle widening of his eyes, the faltering of his smile, and it made your pulse race. “are you alright?” the girl asked him, concerned, and to your horror, she gently reached over to wipe his mouth with a napkin. you felt something in you snap. the intimacy of the gesture, the way she doted on him so casually, it made your blood simmer with a slow burn you couldn’t ignore.

johnny mumbled, “yeah, i’m fine,” but his eyes never left yours. there was a tension there, something hanging heavy in the space between you, and for a moment, the rest of the world seemed to blur out of focus. doyoung was saying something next to you, but you couldn’t hear him. all you could do was watch johnny, and he watched you right back. the girl turned back to her drink, oblivious to the silent exchange happening between you and her date. you couldn’t stand it any longer. the weight of it all—his new date, the memory of the night you shared, the way he still looked at you like nothing had changed, yet everything had—it was unbearable.

“on second thought,” you said, standing up abruptly, “let’s drink somewhere else.” your voice came out harsher than you intended, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. the words were sharp, and the moment was suffocating. doyoung didn’t argue. he didn’t have to. the look on johnny’s face told you everything you needed to know—and the look you gave him in return? it spoke volumes. but neither of you said a word. Instead, you turned on your heel and walked out, the cold air hitting your face as you left the bar behind, but the tension from inside followed.

you didn’t even sleep with doyoung that night. not that you ever intended to, not really. the weight of everything had sunk too deep in your bones, leaving you tired and restless at the same time. you lied, telling him you had a headache, watching as disappointment briefly flashed across his face before he nodded. the night fizzled out into nothing, and though you managed to fall asleep, it was fitful, and the morning came too soon.

when you woke, the weight of last night still clung to you like a second skin. the frustration hadn’t faded; it had only settled deeper. you dragged yourself through your routine, still fed up, still over it all, and that mood followed you to your classes. normally, you’d exchange greetings or at least acknowledge the smiles thrown your way, but today you couldn’t be bothered. you brushed past them, head down, the clamor of the hallways nothing but a blur of voices.

in the classroom, you practically collapsed into your chair with a heavy sigh, dropping your bag beside you. you closed your eyes, hoping for just a moment of peace. “hey, what’s up with you?” jaehee’s familiar voice cut through your thoughts. he flicked a strand of your hair with a teasing smile, always too perceptive for his own good. “don’t even,” you groaned, swatting his hand away lazily. “too early for your bullshit.”

he chuckled, but before he could say anything more, mark burst into the room, his excitement radiating from him like a shot of caffeine. “guys, guys, guys! this is so big,” he practically shouted, breathless as he skidded to a halt by your desk. his energy was contagious, but you were too far gone to care.

you tried to focus on his words, but it was impossible, especially when johnny followed right behind him. his presence drew your attention like a magnet, even if you wanted to ignore it. he strolled in casually, but when his eyes met yours, they immediately flickered away, his head dropping low as if he didn’t want to be seen. it stung, more than you cared to admit, and you scoffed under your breath. jaehee was already leaning forward, eager for whatever mark had to say. “what? what now?” he asked, practically vibrating with curiosity.

mark pulled up a chair, sliding into the space between you and jaehee, his eyes darting around like he was about to reveal some top-secret information. “jaehyun totally knows we know his big secret,” he whispered, glancing dramatically between you and jaehee. you barely listened, your attention still on johnny. he wasn’t looking at you anymore, but you felt the tension hanging in the air between you like a tightrope about to snap. every little gesture, every glance was loud in its silence.

jaehee let out an exaggerated sigh, completely absorbed in the gossip. “his sex scandal is the best thing i’ve heard all year,” he said with a satisfied grin, turning to you with his hands pressed together the same way jaehyun had. “namaste, (y/n).” you just rolled your eyes, too exhausted to even respond. the scandal, jaehyun, all of it seemed so trivial now compared to the mess you’d tangled yourself in.

before you could even think of something to say, johnny’s voice sliced through the conversation like ice. “sorry to interrupt your gossip circle, but we should hurry up with the art venue.” jaehee and mark murmured in agreement, but you weren’t finished. your frustration boiled over, and before you could stop yourself, you scoffed aloud. “must be in a big hurry to go on a date.”

you hadn’t meant for it to be heard. you thought it was a mutter, a private sting of bitterness for your own ears only. but no. the second the words left your mouth, you knew you’d made a mistake. the room went still, and you felt johnny’s gaze snap to you. his look was hard, challenging, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly as if daring you to say more. “yeah, how’d you know?” his voice was sharp, almost condescending, the words cutting through the tension like a blade.

the sarcasm stung, and you couldn’t help yourself. “asshole,” you muttered under your breath, just loud enough for him to hear, before standing abruptly, slinging your bag over your shoulder. you didn’t bother waiting for a response, didn’t care to see the reactions from mark or jaehee. you just needed to get out of there. you stormed out, the noise of the room already behind you, but their voices still echoed in your mind. you knew they’d talk about it. you knew they’d wonder what had gotten into you, what had caused the sharpness between you and johnny. but you didn’t care. you were done listening, done pretending.

walking down the street during your break, the weight of the morning still clung to you. the frustration, the sleeplessness—it all pressed down, leaving you exasperated, thirsty, and just done with everything. you passed cafes and restaurants, each one tempting you with the promise of air-conditioning and iced drinks. but it wasn’t until you spotted a small café, its glass window gleaming in the afternoon light, that something finally caught your eye.

it wasn’t the café itself or the ice cream shop connected to it that made you stop mid-step. no, it was the familiar figure inside that pulled you to a halt, your heart sinking instantly. “johnny?” you murmured under your breath, squinting as if that would somehow change the reality of what you were seeing.

you took a step closer to the window, hoping, praying even, that maybe you were mistaken. but of course, you weren’t. it was him. and, of course, he wasn’t alone. that same girl was sitting across from him, leaning in close as they talked, laughing and eating ice cream together like it was the most normal thing in the world.

a bitter laugh escaped you, low and incredulous. “no fucking way,” you whispered to yourself, eyes narrowing. the sight of johnny, with her, at a café, chatting and laughing, was already enough to twist a knot of irritation in your chest. but it wasn’t just that. no, it was what he was holding in his hand that made the blood rush to your ears.

you couldn’t believe it. the ice cream in his hand, the one he was eating so casually, was the exact flavor that had once united the two of you in disgust. mint chocolate. that flavor. you had talked about it with him, joked about how it tasted like toothpaste, how neither of you could stand it. and now, there he was, happily eating it with her, like none of that mattered anymore. “that son of a bitch,” you muttered, the disbelief turning quickly to anger. you could feel your heart pounding, a bitter taste creeping up your throat. you remembered the day like it had just happened.

it was a few months back, during a group hangout. seulgi had been ordering ice cream for everyone, scrolling through the options on her phone. when johnny walked in, you asked him what flavor he wanted. he slid into the seat beside you as seulgi mentioned getting mint chocolate as her third scoop. both you and johnny had shot her the same look of disgust, so perfectly in sync that seulgi had paused, confused. “what?” she asked, looking between the two of you.

“that’s disgusting,” you had said, your voice filled with mock horror. “yeah, you like eating toothpaste or something?” johnny had added, his face twisted in the same playful revulsion. you both shared a knowing look then, a moment of perfect camaraderie as you dapped each other up, leaving seulgi baffled. it had been one of those little moments that cemented your connection, a silly joke that felt like yours alone.

and now, that same connection felt like it was slipping through your fingers. there he was, eating her ice cream, laughing with her. the same johnny who had once called mint chocolate “toothpaste” now sat across from someone else, seemingly oblivious to everything you had shared. you didn’t want to watch anymore. you had seen enough. you had felt enough. with a bitter scoff, you turned away from the window, your heart pounding with something that felt all too much like betrayal. you didn’t know why it hurt so much—it was just ice cream, just a stupid flavor. but it wasn’t, not really. it was the principle of it, the small betrayal of something that had once made sense between you two, now shattered.

you had pushed yourself over the edge. the drinks had blurred into each other, one after the next, until all you could think about was johnny—his touch, his warmth, the way his smile used to light up his entire face. the memory of him tugged at your mind, shifting from simple thoughts to something more intimate: the scent of his skin, the taste of his kiss, the way his eyes used to lock with yours, as if telling you something without saying a word. you remembered the look he gave you, the one that seemed to say “i love you,” and how you had let it all slip away so easily.

that was why you were now slumped over outside the bar, unable to pull yourself together, the world spinning wildly around you. your body felt heavy, sluggish, and somewhere in the background, you heard mark’s voice, too enthusiastic for the state you were in. “should we go for more drinks?” he asked, but his suggestion was met with disapproval. “we gotta get (y/n) up,” jaehee responded, his voice dripping with concern. everyone seemed to be murmuring in agreement, encouraging you, nudging you to pull yourself together. but you couldn’t. not when johnny consumed your every thought.

while you struggled to stay coherent, johnny was at home, leaning against the railing of his balcony, a can of beer in his hand. the night air was cool, refreshing, but it did nothing to clear the turmoil in his mind. he drank in silence, each sip a reminder of you—of how complicated things had gotten, of how much you confused him, and yet, how much he still cared. his phone buzzed, the screen lighting up with mark’s name. he sighed, half-hoping it would be you on the other end.

“what is it?” johnny answered, the weariness in his voice clear. “yo, you know where (y/n) lives, don’t you? tell me her address,” mark slurred, the telltale signs of alcohol heavy in his voice.

“what do you need it for?” johnny asked, his concern sharpening. “she’s totally wasted, so i’m gonna call her a taxi,” mark explained, and johnny felt his entire body tense. in an instant, the fog of his own buzz dissipated. “i’ll be right there,” he cut in before mark could say anything else. “don’t call a cab. i’ll take care of her.” the call ended abruptly, leaving mark no time to argue.

johnny arrived shortly after in a cab of his own, pulling up just outside the bar. he could hear jaehee muttering something about how expensive the ride must have been, but johnny ignored it, his focus entirely on you. you, sitting on the curb, your hair a mess, your face flushed from too much alcohol, your shoulders slouched in defeat. “go home,” he told the others, his voice firm. “i’ll take care of her.” though hesitant, they eventually nodded, leaving you two alone in the quiet of the night.

“(y/n),” he said softly, nudging your boot with his foot. “come on, get up.” it took a moment, but something in his voice must have registered with you. with a deep, weary sigh, you pushed your hair out of your face and sat up. your gaze met his, and the world around you seemed to slow down. without a word, johnny slipped off his jacket, draping it over your lap. as you glanced at his tattoo, still visible under the dim streetlight, you felt a lump rise in your throat.

he crouched down in front of you and turned his back. “come on, get on,” he gestured, offering to carry you. but you didn’t move. you couldn’t. the second you tried, the tears began to fall, slipping down your cheeks faster than you could stop them. johnny turned immediately, eyes wide with panic. “what? are you crying?” his voice was almost gentle, but you couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“how could you do something like that to me, you asshole?” you cried, your words broken by sobs. johnny froze for a second before reaching out to wipe away your tears, but you pushed his hand away, shaking your head. “no, don’t touch me. i don’t wanna be anywhere near a liar like you,” you sniffled, your voice thick with pain.

johnny sighed heavily, clearly exhausted. "what did i do? you're too drunk to make sense right now." he turned his back to you again, insisting, “just get on my back.”

but instead, you swatted him, hard, making him wince in pain. "you're an ass," you cried out, your voice wavering with hurt. “what’s wrong with you?” he asked, rubbing his back.

“you said you hated mint chocolate,” you finally cracked, your voice a mess of frustration and tears. “all this time, i thought you hated it, but i guess you like her enough to like it, you asshole.” johnny blinked, clearly taken aback. “what?”

“and you said you wanted to go out with me,” you continued, choking on your sobs. “get lost. i refuse to talk to a guy who likes mint chocolate.” you covered your ears with your hands, trying to block him out. johnny crouched closer, his face softening as your sobs began to quiet.

“i didn’t eat it because of her,” he finally explained, his voice low. “i tried it because i heard it was good for insomnia. do you know how much trouble sleeping i’ve had because of you?” you were still stubborn, still fighting the truth. “that's bullshit. why would that be because of me?” you demanded.

his eyes softened even more as he met your gaze. “because,” he said quietly, “i can’t stop thinking about you.” for the first time in what felt like forever, you locked eyes with him, and everything else melted away. in his eyes, you saw everything—his confusion, his frustration, his longing. and in yours, he saw your hurt, your vulnerability, and everything you had been holding back. “you loser,” you sniffled, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. “how could you be hitting on me right now?”

and then, despite everything, he smiled. that same smile you remembered, the one that made your heart skip a beat. “come here,” he murmured, his hand reaching for your hair, pulling you gently toward him. you didn’t resist. the second his lips touched yours, everything else faded. you let him kiss you, and you kissed him back. the warmth of his mouth on yours was intoxicating, soft and slow, as if neither of you wanted the moment to end. when the kiss finally broke, johnny exhaled, his forehead resting against yours.

“don’t even think about,” he whispered, his breath warm against your skin, “calling this a mistake.” you nodded, still catching your breath. how could you? even as you felt the world spinning around you, even while you saw stars, you knew this was no mistake.

✧

a/n: this was so unserious lol i love nevertheless

END TO START - LEE TAEYONG X READER

Navi - M.list

Pairing: Soulmate!Johnny x Soulmate! reader, Taeyong x reader. ( Ft Mark, Jungwoo, Ten, Jaehyun, Taeil, Yuta. Mentions Jaemin once.)

Genre: Heavy angst my guys, soulmates au, neo frat au, university au, fluff, Hanahaki Soulmate trope.

Synopsis: Taeyong had been perfectly happy to sit back and watch you and Johnny be together. However, when he starts to notice certain behaviors that are all too familiar, he finds himself unable to watch you slowly die. Just because Johnny may not love you anymore... doesn't mean Taeyong doesn't love you either.

wc: 4.9k

Warnings: Heavy angst, Blood, Mentions of death, suffering, choking, johnny is unfaithful, it's a Hanahaki au so they basically cough up dead and thorned flowers. It's not a graphic description but there are descriptions of pain too, mentions of weight loss due to being unwell, Unrequited love, hurt, Taeyong's been in love with the reader since before her and Johnny got together, heavy rejection, soulmate rejection ( Just because i have written this does NOT mean that i think any one of the nct members would cheat or act thi way. this is pure FICTION.) Please let me know if i have missed any warnings

Note: Hi! I have a few fics in the works but I'm worried I wont get them done for Halloween. So, I am blessing you with this heart-breaking fic. I wanted to release this fic early as a thank you for all your love on Operation Rizz! Now, this is the same frat universe as all my other NCT fics. they can all be read as stand alone though, so don't worry! Any feedback is once again appreciated. I do not own the concept of Hanahaki.

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Soulmates were supposed to be someone's everything—the one person who was meant specifically for them. Someone you can lean on and cherish, who would dote and adore you. Someone to dish out as much love to you as you unto them. To stay by your side and grow old together. However, some people are already at that stage when they meet their destined person. There was also the worry of some people not having a soulmate. Legend says that only the blessed are gifted with such. 

Gifted? Yes. To many, the Soulmate system is a curse - depending on what type you are assigned to. Tattoos? Easy. Mind reading? Okay a little more difficult. Red string? That practically takes you straight to them.  Eternal life? Near impossible! You could spend many years with someone you thought was a soulmate only to see a wrinkle and realize you aren’t made for each other at all. Seeing things in black and white only to suddenly be overwhelmed with color at a music festival and not know who the hell you’d bumped into in that massive crowd that could possibly be your soulmate. Not everyone even had a soulmate, they could be with whoever they wanted without consequences. 

But there was one type in particular that nobody wanted. Hanahaki. Named after the fictional Japanese Hanahaki Disease. It comes from the Japanese words Hana - meaning flower and Hakimasu - quite literally meaning, to throw up. 

In a soulmate's case, when they first meet each other a seed is awakened. It grows thorned roses - the flowers of love - cradling the person’s heart and twining around inside their lungs. For the most part, other than the occasional flutter and heartburn, it goes unnoticeable. So long as the soulmate reciprocates the feelings of love. But, should one soulmate start to fall out of love? The other will suffer terribly. The flowers will die, the spikey stems squeezing at the organs they were once gently caressing with love. Crushing in their anguish.

Of course, unlike the other soulmate types, there are two ways out of Hanahaki... Let the weight of the unreciprocated love drag on painfully until you die, or convince your health insurance to accept the cost of the operation to remove the offending plants. However, by the time one realizes they are soulmates, it is likely that the bond has already been unreciprocated. 

Taeyong knew this. He knew this because it happened to him. He had once been on the receiving end of the agonizing scratch of dead rose stems climbing up his throat in a mess of blood and wilted petals. Taeyong had nearly died. He recognized the signs clearly and that was the reason he was so shocked to see them in who he did. 

Johnny’s soulmate.

Taeyong first took notice when you walked through the door of the club. A celebration night to celebrate the frat’s anniversary alongside Taeyong’s new choreographer position in the dance studio he works in. Your face had a slightly paler tone and although you were doing a good job at keeping your breathing even… Taeyong recognized the telltale signs of a wince when you took the air in too harshly. 

But when he saw Johnny approach you and press a loving kiss to your forehead, he scolded himself for thinking such things. Taeyong knew something was up though, your smile didn’t meet your eyes and when you congratulated him with a hug, he swore he could feel your body tremble. 

He tried not to worry too much throughout the night but when he saw Johnny by the bar, his charming smile dazzled at some sorority girls that had been invited… Taeyong wondered where you’d gone. The disappointment within him only grew when he watched his best friend and frat brother go home with one of them. 

So, maybe his suspicions were correct. A few weeks passed and he’d not seen a glimpse of you, Johnny hadn’t even uttered your name. The rapper hadn’t had time to sit him down and ask him about the incident. Until now. 

Taeyong dabbed the sweat from his brow with the neckline of his shirt, swiping his water bottle from the floor. He shuffled toward his friend, watching as he grinned at his phone as he typed. He was talking to someone and Taeyong only hoped it was you. That you’d both mended things to stop it getting worse. The thought of it all being a misunderstanding had a relieved smile spreading across his face as he settled on the floor next to Johnny. 

“You texting ____? Tell her I said Hey.” Taeyong said, twisting the cap off his drink to take a swig. Taeyong was almost taken aback at the irritated flash that crossed Johnny’s expression at the mention of your name. 

If Taeyong wasn’t so observant, he would have missed it. Johnny shook his head, swiftly locking his phone when his leader went to peer over his shoulder. “It’s not. It’s Yuki.” 

Taeyong’s eyebrows scrunched, posture freezing for a moment. “The sorority girl you went home with?” He tried to keep his tone level. Memories of the same thing happening to himself reoccur in his mind. “What about ____?” The question hung awkwardly in the air, Johnny staring at Taeyong as if he’d asked something ridiculous. 

“What about her?” He shrugged. “Just because I do stupid things, doesn't mean I don’t love her. She’s my soulmate.” He paused, an almost defeated sigh sagging at his shoulders. “The only one I got.” 

Taeyong took notice of the slight bitterness in his words. Almost as if he didn’t realize that he did it. “Do you?” 

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck, his mouth opening but no words coming out. Once again, a defeated shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah… yes.” He cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I’m sure we’d of noticed by now if I hadn’t.”  Johnny left no room for debate, standing up with a clap of his hands to suggest they continue their lacrosse practice.

You knew. You knew Johnny’s feelings for you were dwindling. You were reminded every time you coughed. Reminded by the way your breath left you in an agonizing squeeze when Johnny would kiss your forehead.  

But, even though you knew… it didn’t make you love him any less. You knew what he got up to when your nights weren't spent together. You didn’t do a thing, didn’t bring it up. You almost tried to ignore it. You loved Johnny. You always would. And, as long as you continued to love him, he wouldn’t have the same fate as you. You would never wish this pain on him even if he was the cause. 

You wished you’d heeded Mark’s seemingly lighthearted warning at the beginning of your relationship. ‘He’s one of my closest friends but he doesn’t always do the right thing, just… please be careful.’ Mark had said one evening. You hadn’t truly understood why he had said it, nor did you get to question him before Johnny had slid his arm around your middle. 

You understood perfectly now. Especially as a sharp tickle wheezed in the back of your throat, your eyes discreetly scanning the new text message from your seat at the very back row of English lit class. ‘Can we rain check date night again? Coach is being a hardass and wants us to stay late.’ For the third week running, the same excuse. Sure, you’d seen Johnny. But Thursday was always date night. Something you’d both stuck to like glue once before. 

Pain twisted in your chest, your breath rough. You brought the sleeve of your hoodie to your mouth, attempting a discreet cough. It didn’t do anything for you, the feeling like you’d swallowed razorblades. The world felt like it was spinning for a moment and you had to close your eyes and count to ten to steady it again. 

One look at your sleeve had you frowning. The next stage had started. You’d read about this. Discoloured petals. You’d only coughed up one but one was enough for you to be sure. With one last attempt at clearing your throat, you brushed the blackened petal to the ground. 

Taeyong shared this class with you. Whilst he didn’t often sit next to you, he was mostly always on the same row. Not many people occupied the back row and so, when he heard the muffled hack come from your direction he had looked over, shoulders tensing as he watched you. 

He approached you at the end of class, watching your sluggish movements as you shoved your laptop back into your bag. “____, Are you alright?” He asked softly, noting the sheen of sickly sweat coasting your forehead. 

Lips pressed firmly together, you nodded. You were certain if you opened your mouth you'd start coughing and choking again but you didn’t want to be rude. “I’m fine.” Bad idea. “Sorry, Yong, I gotta go-” Taeyong had never heard your voice so scratchy and coarse. He had also never seen you flee so quickly before he could even open his mouth, your notepad falling from your unzipped bag as you vanished before his eyes. 

As he knelt down to collect it from the ground, his fingers made contact with a velvety, withered texture. 

A blackened rose petal. 

 The next time Taeyong saw you, you were much worse than he could have imagined. He had only turned up at your apartment because he assumed Johnny had left his phone at your place. He couldn’t really understand the rushed words of ‘Shit! I left my phone at her place, I’m already late!’ When Taeyong offered to go and get it, he naturally thought of your place. 

So when you answered the door, he was standing frozen at the sight of you. Your eyes had bags under them that would put JFK airport to shame. Your complexion was grey, lips cracked and dry. Taeyong could definitely see you’d lost some weight too, your knitted sweater nearly slipping off one shoulder. His gaze caught onto the marks along your neck, long red streaks almost looking like you had been clawing at it in your agony. Your winced call of his name kicked his brain into gear. 

“Now isn’t a good ti-” His hands flew out to rub and pat your back as your words were interrupted. 

Taeyong’s heart broke as he watched you struggle. You couldn’t get your breath, your face turning red from the strenuosity. Taeyong backed you into your apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. He sat you on your couch, disappearing from view for a moment.

You didn’t even take note of what exactly was being thrust under your nose, only that it would catch what your body rejected. One of his hands held the bucket, the other sweeping your hair away from your face. It was all too familiar for him. Except for Taeyong, he had done it alone. 

“It’s okay, ____” He hushed, palm flattened over your back to rub comforting circles. “Breath through your nose and count to ten. It helps.” 

You did as such, shoulders relaxing as the air finally seeped into your lungs. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, sighing at the crimson residue that was becoming all too familiar. You opened your mouth to speak, only to be gently hushed once more. 

“It’s okay, it’ll hurt too much if you talk.” He set the bucket down on the side table. “You should get yourself some grapeseed oil. A teaspoon a day should at least prevent the attacks so often.” Taeyong didn’t look at you as he spoke, his hands busying themselves with opening the small drawer to your coffee table in search of tissues. 

“You mean this?” You rasped, pulling the small droplet bottle from your pocket, and setting it down on the surface before you. Taeyong’s eyebrows creased. 

It was the exact same bottle he was sure he had. Though, catching sight of the label on the bottle he knew it was his bottle. ‘Taeyong’  scribbled messily on the labeled sticker. He looked at you expectantly. 

“Johnny gave it to me.” Just uttering his name sent a pang of hurt through you, a wave of emotion rippling from your jaw to the tips of your toes. 

Taeyong understood immediately, a deep sigh resonating as he nodded once. “He knows then.” To which you nodded, eyes fixed on your lap. 

He had never seen you cry, and he would hate to admit it but your eyes looked pretty when you did. It was as if the glaze of tears enhanced the colors of your iris. “He doesn’t know it’s this bad. He thinks the tickle has just started.” 

“____, you’re dying and you’re telling me Johnny hasn’t noticed yet?” To say that Taeyong was in disbelief was an understatement. The new knowledge that Johnny knew now had floored him. 

Why? Because Johnny hadn’t once let it show. Taeyong had been around the guy all week and he was still the happy comedic genius he always was. Not a hint of anything bothering him. 

“Yong, It’s okay. I..” You drew your knees up to your chest, patting the spot next to you for him. “I’ve come to terms with it.” 

“Come to terms with it?!” He spluttered. “____, you are in your twenties! You can’t be okay with dying in your twenties.” His hand raked through his hair, eyes blinking rapidly like he couldn't come to terms with how calm you looked right now. 

Taeyong could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest, his gaze hardening as he addressed you once more. “You know he’s been seeing her too, don’t you?”

You were silent, shame eating at your subconscious. “If I ignore it then he won’t have to be like this too.” 

Taeyong sprung up to his feet. “Wake up! He’s out there living his life with no regrets and you’re the one to suffer? I can’t…” He shook his head, shoving his clenched fists into his pockets. “I’m sorry, I just-” With one last shake of his head, Taeyong left you there. The slam of your front door announcing his absence.

Johnny remembered the conversation between the two of you very clearly. He was convinced he still loved you a lot. Just not in the way you need. At first, he thought it was doubt, but as time went on he started to notice the dry tickly cough and the abundance of petals scattered in your trash. He was sure it wasn’t harmful yet, certain that he still held the love in his heart for you. 

Johnny didn’t love Yuki. She was fun. She was different. She wasn’t you. He could spend time with her without any strings attached. It was freeing, knowing he wasn't destined to be with her no matter what. 

He felt guilt at first. He didn’t like lying to you, but it was for his own selfish gain that he did. Johnny had seen Taeyong go through the pain and near death of a soulmate falling out of love, he didn’t want that for himself. Johnny had too much to live for, as arrogant and self-centred as that sounded. 

 He remembered what you said when he gave you the vial of grapeseed oil, how your shaky hands had placed over his own. How you told him it was okay, it wasn’t his fault. But Johnny couldn’t help but think it was. Johnny tried so hard to make himself love you still. Your words of comfort swirled in his mind and kept him up at night. ‘Nobody can help who they do and don’t love. Feelings change, People don’t’ You’d said to him.

Johnny felt ashamed. Being unfaithful to you whilst you still loved him with every ounce of your soul. Deep down, Johnny knew you only had two options he just hoped you made a decision before it was too late. 

Taeyong had been seen by barely anyone all week. It was as if he was attending his classes and then picking up every extra shift or odd job imaginable. The Neos were even more shocked when Mark slapped a flier down on the dining table ping pong table in front of some of the brothers. A for sale flier, advertising their frat leader’s motorcycle. The very same one that he cherished and spent a fortune to modify. 

“Do you think he’s in debt?” Jungwoo frowned, setting his beer on the table. 

That question alone earned a chortled laugh. “Woo, we’re in university. We’re all in debt.” Yuta clapped him on the back. “But, on a serious note, He’s been acting super weird lately.” 

Everyone launched into debate, trying to determine why Taeyong would be selling his pride and joy so suddenly. Conversation ceased when the front door opened and the man in question shuffled into the open-plan living space with an exhausted wave. 

“Ty, are you actually selling the bandit?” The question came from Taeil, Neo frat’s oldest member. 

Taeyong moved through the living area, taking a seat at one of the beanbags littered around the table. “Already sold it.” He bobbed his head in a nod. 

It earned him many concerned looks. “Are you in trouble or something? Are you trying to cover the water bill from when Mark broke the faucet?” 

“No, Jae. I’m not in trouble. It’s not for me.”  He reassured, his voice dying down quietly. “It’s for ____.” 

Everyone stopped. Mark locked his phone, Yuta stopped chipping at his nail polish, and Taeil nearly spat out his beer. Jaehyun and Jungwoo were already staring at him. 

“Why?”

Taeyong took a deep breath, anticipating the question.It didn’t take long for him to catch them up to speed.  “You haven’t noticed? I can’t watch her die. Even if she’s come to terms with it.” 

“She’s not been to class for a few weeks. Professor Choi just straight-up skips over her name now. I’m guessing they know.” Jaehyun hummed. 

“Hm, Jaemin said he saw her last week on his midnight ramen run.” Mark recalled, “Said she looked like something out of living dead.” 

“Mark,” Taeyong gave him a warning look. The younger just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m going to book the operation for her. She doesn’t know. I just need the deposit. After that, it’s monthly payments. I can scrape enough together for the monthly just fine.” He looked pained. “Whenever I see her, it’s like I’m watching myself go through it again.” 

One by one, Jaehyun, Mark, Jungwoo, Yuta, and Taeil offered their help. 

The six of them didn’t make it known what their plans were but soon enough, after Taeyong had put what he had already saved with what the others offered, it was enough. He rocked up to the private medical center, cash in an envelope that was tucked neatly within the inside pocket of his jacket. 

Taeyong was pleasantly surprised that he was allowed to schedule and pay the deposit on your behalf. Acting on best interest. The receptionist did stress that you needed to fill in the form and sign consent upon arrival but Taeyong was more pleased that he was giving you a chance at life. That there was a possibility that you could carry on.

What he didn’t expect, was your immediate refusal when he brought the leaflet and forms over to your apartment the following morning. The smile dropped from his face as you tried to hide away from him.  ‘He could die.’ You’d cried at him. And whilst it had been proven he wouldn't, you were convinced. 

“He won’t, ____.” Taeyong begged. “Please, you can’t just accept this.” The bed dipped as he sat on the edge. The many times he had visited you now, you had always been. The last time you got up to open the door, Taeyong honestly worried that you would pass away right there on the doorstep. He took your spare key after that. 

Taeyong’s gentle fingers lifted the damp wash cloth from the bowl at your bedside, running the cool material over your brow and cheeks. A light smile twitched at the corner of your lips, the sensation easing your fever, only a little but it was better than before. He knew he wasn’t going to get many more words from you this evening. You’d exhausted yourself already for the evening. Taeyong was just content enough to sit here and care for you. 

Honestly, before it was known that you were Johnny’s soulmate, Taeyong had hoped you’d notice him. He had often found himself wishing that it wouldn’t last so he could at least have a shot with you. His hopes were crushed when Johnny had run through the fraternity declaring you were both soulmates. Taeyong had made peace with the idea that maybe he was meant to be alone, satisfied just by seeing you whenever Johnny brought you over to hang out. 

He never wished for this, though. 

Tenderest of touches brushed your hair away from where it had clung to your forehead. Taeyong clicking on the standing fan in an attempt to offer you some cool relief. “Trust me, ____.” He whispered, voice brittle. “I went through this.” His confession had your right eye cracking open. 

“Back in the first year,” Taeyong recalled. “Watching you and Johnny go through this… it’s like a mirror. I nearly died,” He picked up your hand, engulfing it in both of his own. “I refused the operation until it was nearly too late. For the same reason, actually.” 

Your fingers twitched in his own, your index finger hooking around his thumb to offer comfort. You have suspected Taeyong had some close experience with this. Especially in the way he always seemed to understand your pain, the sad gazes, and his drive to help you. You had never expected that he would be the one in your position though. The meer thought had tears welling up in your eyes. You seemed to cry a lot around the man these days. 

“He didn’t die though. Apparently, he just… coughed up the root.” He lifted your hand, the ghosting feeling of his lips against your knuckles. “I promise you, Johnny won’t die… At least think about it.” To which you nodded in agreement. 

Taeyong made you soup, your favorite kind. You weren’t even sure how he knew it was your favorite but he did. He parted from you with a lingering kiss to your hairline. Just like every night. This form of unrequited love seemed to of hurt him more than his last. 

He’d left the forms and leaflets on the empty bed space by your feet.

You’d asked Taeyong not to come over for the last four days. As worried as he was, he had to respect your wishes. You didn’t want him to see your sudden decline as you entered the last stage of the rejection. Meaning, that Johnny had almost fallen completely out of love with you now. 

You were expecting it, Taeyong too. You and Johnny had broken things off the last time you saw each other. Both of you doing so without even having to clarify the matter. He was free. Almost. 

Taeyong had been stressed all week, even his frat brothers had given him a wide berth. Many put it down to the lacrosse game the pending evening. Only a select few really knew that it was because today was the same day Taeyong had scheduled for your surgery. 

He hadn’t known it was the same day as the game, Jungwoo uttering the words with caution the day before. Taeyong swore to himself that he thought he booked it for next week. He didn’t even know if you were going to accept it… Any time he brought it up you tended to change the subject. 

How Taeyong managed to even pass the ball with steady swings amazed even himself, his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. He had nearly skipped the game in favor of being with you, but he knew he couldn’t.  The game had gone smoothly, they were winning by one. In fact, Johnny had to take the penalty shot. 

The whole field waited on bated breath, all eyes on Johnny as he just stood there, his expression morphed in such a way that Taeyong exchanged a look with Jaehyun.

“Seo! Take the damn shot already!” The coach didn’t even get through his ending word before Johnny’s form curled over, knees slamming into the ground. 

Taeyong rushed over as his friend tore off his helmet and spat his mouthguard to the ground. He would worry about that later. Taeyong slid to his knees beside Johnny, his own helmet crashing to the ground out of his grip. 

Johnny had never felt such pain. His airways were burning. The sensation in his chest felt like all the oxygen was being torn from him. The team crowded around him, blocking anyone else's view of the scene.  A choked cough left his throat, a shout of agony following after. Petals. Blood. Stems.  The flower was unwinding itself, pulling at the roots from within his chest and lungs. 

The team managed to maneuver Johnny back to the locker rooms, it took four of them to carry him but soon the male was slumped against the tiles of the showers. Taeyong was beside him once again. “Cough it up Johnny, you’ll do more damage if you don’t.” He tugged Johnny’s arm to sit him forward, his fist thumping down in the center of his back. “Johnny, come on!” 

To say Taeyong was relieved when Johnny finally started coughing again was an understatement. “You gotta carry it on, it’ll hurt but I’ve got you.” He pleaded over the sound of his friend’s cries and chokes. 

Johnny doesn’t know how long he continuously coughed for. All he knew was the last one to shake through his body finally offered him release, Taeyong tugging him away from the mangled mix of plant and blood only to rip him, Johnny, from his shock-induced state by shoving him under the freezing cold shower stream - kit and all. 

A big, clear breath left him. 

“What the fuck, John?” Ten peaked his head around the corner, having raced in after the team to check on his best friend. 

“Dude, that's your flower.” Mark grimaced, crouched down next to the offending object. 

The announcement made Johnny’s spine straighten, and Taeyong hung his head. “What does it mean?” Johnny shakily stood, pressing the button to stop the stream of cold water. 

It was fascinating how Johnny already felt better. He felt no pull in his chest, no weakness even after the whole ordeal. He felt new. But if he felt like this… then what had happened to you? The realization of what had happened weighed heavy on his guilt. 

He turned to address the sort of traumatized, faces around him but it wasn’t him that spoke up. It was Taeyong. “It means I need to find ____.” 

Taeyong had raced past his teammates and into the locker room without any further explanation. His phone cramped between his ear and shoulder as he tugged on his sweats at record speed. “C’mon, Petal. Pick up.” He swore to himself, only removing the device from his ear to throw on a t-shirt from his locker. It was a term of endearment he had taken to calling you of late, though quite often when you were too dazed to notice. 

He ignored the looks of confusion from his friends. Well, from those other than Mark and Jaehyun. From the look on Johnny’s face, he was still piecing things together. Taeyong didn’t have time for that, snatching the keys for the beat-up Honda he had gotten recently and sprinting from the room. 

Taeyong continued to call you on the way to your apartment. He had just hoped you’d gotten yourself to the appointment. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing you like this. He found himself afraid to enter your building, scared of what he may find. His head thumped against the steering wheel, eyes burning with unshed tears. You had to be okay. 

His phone buzzed, body jumped when he saw your name flash on the screen. He swiped to answer, bringing it up to his ear with a relieved sigh. “____.” He listened to your breathing for a split second, registering the steady beeps in the background. 

“Is he alive?” Your tone was filled with urgency but your voice was clearer than Taeyong had heard in weeks. It had a relieved laugh bubbling from his chest, salty droplets cascading down his cheeks and leaving his tear ducts with the tension in him. 

“He’s fine.” He sniffled, rubbing at his face. “ Petal, you’re okay. I tho-” You interrupted him with a soothing call of his name. 

“You were right.” He listened to you pause, the sounds of you sipping through a straw present in the receiver. “There are things I do have to live for.” You spoke quietly. “The first one being myself.” 

He hummed in agreement, starting up the car again. “Yeah? I’ll be there soon and you can tell me all about the second, Petal.” He was rewarded with a breathy laugh. “What?”

“Petal.” You murmured, Taeyong could hear the slumber lingering back into your tone. 

“Get some rest. I’ll be there soon.” He was about to pull the phone away from his ear when you quietly called his name again. 

“Yes?” He hummed, clicking the hands-free and setting the phone into the holder on the dash. 

“Can I tell you my second reason?” 

“What’s that, Petal?” He smiled softly to himself. 

“It’s you.”

©Acescavern - I do not give permission for my works to be copied, translated or reposted

END TO START - LEE TAEYONG X READER

Navi - M.list

Pairing: Soulmate!Johnny x Soulmate! reader, Taeyong x reader. ( Ft Mark, Jungwoo, Ten, Jaehyun, Taeil, Yuta. Mentions Jaemin once.)

Genre: Heavy angst my guys, soulmates au, neo frat au, university au, fluff, Hanahaki Soulmate trope.

Synopsis: Taeyong had been perfectly happy to sit back and watch you and Johnny be together. However, when he starts to notice certain behaviors that are all too familiar, he finds himself unable to watch you slowly die. Just because Johnny may not love you anymore... doesn't mean Taeyong doesn't love you either.

wc: 4.9k

Warnings: Heavy angst, Blood, Mentions of death, suffering, choking, johnny is unfaithful, it's a Hanahaki au so they basically cough up dead and thorned flowers. It's not a graphic description but there are descriptions of pain too, mentions of weight loss due to being unwell, Unrequited love, hurt, Taeyong's been in love with the reader since before her and Johnny got together, heavy rejection, soulmate rejection ( Just because i have written this does NOT mean that i think any one of the nct members would cheat or act thi way. this is pure FICTION.) Please let me know if i have missed any warnings

Note: Hi! I have a few fics in the works but I'm worried I wont get them done for Halloween. So, I am blessing you with this heart-breaking fic. I wanted to release this fic early as a thank you for all your love on Operation Rizz! Now, this is the same frat universe as all my other NCT fics. they can all be read as stand alone though, so don't worry! Any feedback is once again appreciated. I do not own the concept of Hanahaki.

Likes and reblogs are appreciated

Soulmates were supposed to be someone's everything—the one person who was meant specifically for them. Someone you can lean on and cherish, who would dote and adore you. Someone to dish out as much love to you as you unto them. To stay by your side and grow old together. However, some people are already at that stage when they meet their destined person. There was also the worry of some people not having a soulmate. Legend says that only the blessed are gifted with such. 

Gifted? Yes. To many, the Soulmate system is a curse - depending on what type you are assigned to. Tattoos? Easy. Mind reading? Okay a little more difficult. Red string? That practically takes you straight to them.  Eternal life? Near impossible! You could spend many years with someone you thought was a soulmate only to see a wrinkle and realize you aren’t made for each other at all. Seeing things in black and white only to suddenly be overwhelmed with color at a music festival and not know who the hell you’d bumped into in that massive crowd that could possibly be your soulmate. Not everyone even had a soulmate, they could be with whoever they wanted without consequences. 

But there was one type in particular that nobody wanted. Hanahaki. Named after the fictional Japanese Hanahaki Disease. It comes from the Japanese words Hana - meaning flower and Hakimasu - quite literally meaning, to throw up. 

In a soulmate's case, when they first meet each other a seed is awakened. It grows thorned roses - the flowers of love - cradling the person’s heart and twining around inside their lungs. For the most part, other than the occasional flutter and heartburn, it goes unnoticeable. So long as the soulmate reciprocates the feelings of love. But, should one soulmate start to fall out of love? The other will suffer terribly. The flowers will die, the spikey stems squeezing at the organs they were once gently caressing with love. Crushing in their anguish.

Of course, unlike the other soulmate types, there are two ways out of Hanahaki... Let the weight of the unreciprocated love drag on painfully until you die, or convince your health insurance to accept the cost of the operation to remove the offending plants. However, by the time one realizes they are soulmates, it is likely that the bond has already been unreciprocated. 

Taeyong knew this. He knew this because it happened to him. He had once been on the receiving end of the agonizing scratch of dead rose stems climbing up his throat in a mess of blood and wilted petals. Taeyong had nearly died. He recognized the signs clearly and that was the reason he was so shocked to see them in who he did. 

Johnny’s soulmate.

Taeyong first took notice when you walked through the door of the club. A celebration night to celebrate the frat’s anniversary alongside Taeyong’s new choreographer position in the dance studio he works in. Your face had a slightly paler tone and although you were doing a good job at keeping your breathing even… Taeyong recognized the telltale signs of a wince when you took the air in too harshly. 

But when he saw Johnny approach you and press a loving kiss to your forehead, he scolded himself for thinking such things. Taeyong knew something was up though, your smile didn’t meet your eyes and when you congratulated him with a hug, he swore he could feel your body tremble. 

He tried not to worry too much throughout the night but when he saw Johnny by the bar, his charming smile dazzled at some sorority girls that had been invited… Taeyong wondered where you’d gone. The disappointment within him only grew when he watched his best friend and frat brother go home with one of them. 

So, maybe his suspicions were correct. A few weeks passed and he’d not seen a glimpse of you, Johnny hadn’t even uttered your name. The rapper hadn’t had time to sit him down and ask him about the incident. Until now. 

Taeyong dabbed the sweat from his brow with the neckline of his shirt, swiping his water bottle from the floor. He shuffled toward his friend, watching as he grinned at his phone as he typed. He was talking to someone and Taeyong only hoped it was you. That you’d both mended things to stop it getting worse. The thought of it all being a misunderstanding had a relieved smile spreading across his face as he settled on the floor next to Johnny. 

“You texting ____? Tell her I said Hey.” Taeyong said, twisting the cap off his drink to take a swig. Taeyong was almost taken aback at the irritated flash that crossed Johnny’s expression at the mention of your name. 

If Taeyong wasn’t so observant, he would have missed it. Johnny shook his head, swiftly locking his phone when his leader went to peer over his shoulder. “It’s not. It’s Yuki.” 

Taeyong’s eyebrows scrunched, posture freezing for a moment. “The sorority girl you went home with?” He tried to keep his tone level. Memories of the same thing happening to himself reoccur in his mind. “What about ____?” The question hung awkwardly in the air, Johnny staring at Taeyong as if he’d asked something ridiculous. 

“What about her?” He shrugged. “Just because I do stupid things, doesn't mean I don’t love her. She’s my soulmate.” He paused, an almost defeated sigh sagging at his shoulders. “The only one I got.” 

Taeyong took notice of the slight bitterness in his words. Almost as if he didn’t realize that he did it. “Do you?” 

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck, his mouth opening but no words coming out. Once again, a defeated shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah… yes.” He cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I’m sure we’d of noticed by now if I hadn’t.”  Johnny left no room for debate, standing up with a clap of his hands to suggest they continue their lacrosse practice.

You knew. You knew Johnny’s feelings for you were dwindling. You were reminded every time you coughed. Reminded by the way your breath left you in an agonizing squeeze when Johnny would kiss your forehead.  

But, even though you knew… it didn’t make you love him any less. You knew what he got up to when your nights weren't spent together. You didn’t do a thing, didn’t bring it up. You almost tried to ignore it. You loved Johnny. You always would. And, as long as you continued to love him, he wouldn’t have the same fate as you. You would never wish this pain on him even if he was the cause. 

You wished you’d heeded Mark’s seemingly lighthearted warning at the beginning of your relationship. ‘He’s one of my closest friends but he doesn’t always do the right thing, just… please be careful.’ Mark had said one evening. You hadn’t truly understood why he had said it, nor did you get to question him before Johnny had slid his arm around your middle. 

You understood perfectly now. Especially as a sharp tickle wheezed in the back of your throat, your eyes discreetly scanning the new text message from your seat at the very back row of English lit class. ‘Can we rain check date night again? Coach is being a hardass and wants us to stay late.’ For the third week running, the same excuse. Sure, you’d seen Johnny. But Thursday was always date night. Something you’d both stuck to like glue once before. 

Pain twisted in your chest, your breath rough. You brought the sleeve of your hoodie to your mouth, attempting a discreet cough. It didn’t do anything for you, the feeling like you’d swallowed razorblades. The world felt like it was spinning for a moment and you had to close your eyes and count to ten to steady it again. 

One look at your sleeve had you frowning. The next stage had started. You’d read about this. Discoloured petals. You’d only coughed up one but one was enough for you to be sure. With one last attempt at clearing your throat, you brushed the blackened petal to the ground. 

Taeyong shared this class with you. Whilst he didn’t often sit next to you, he was mostly always on the same row. Not many people occupied the back row and so, when he heard the muffled hack come from your direction he had looked over, shoulders tensing as he watched you. 

He approached you at the end of class, watching your sluggish movements as you shoved your laptop back into your bag. “____, Are you alright?” He asked softly, noting the sheen of sickly sweat coasting your forehead. 

Lips pressed firmly together, you nodded. You were certain if you opened your mouth you'd start coughing and choking again but you didn’t want to be rude. “I’m fine.” Bad idea. “Sorry, Yong, I gotta go-” Taeyong had never heard your voice so scratchy and coarse. He had also never seen you flee so quickly before he could even open his mouth, your notepad falling from your unzipped bag as you vanished before his eyes. 

As he knelt down to collect it from the ground, his fingers made contact with a velvety, withered texture. 

A blackened rose petal. 

 The next time Taeyong saw you, you were much worse than he could have imagined. He had only turned up at your apartment because he assumed Johnny had left his phone at your place. He couldn’t really understand the rushed words of ‘Shit! I left my phone at her place, I’m already late!’ When Taeyong offered to go and get it, he naturally thought of your place. 

So when you answered the door, he was standing frozen at the sight of you. Your eyes had bags under them that would put JFK airport to shame. Your complexion was grey, lips cracked and dry. Taeyong could definitely see you’d lost some weight too, your knitted sweater nearly slipping off one shoulder. His gaze caught onto the marks along your neck, long red streaks almost looking like you had been clawing at it in your agony. Your winced call of his name kicked his brain into gear. 

“Now isn’t a good ti-” His hands flew out to rub and pat your back as your words were interrupted. 

Taeyong’s heart broke as he watched you struggle. You couldn’t get your breath, your face turning red from the strenuosity. Taeyong backed you into your apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. He sat you on your couch, disappearing from view for a moment.

You didn’t even take note of what exactly was being thrust under your nose, only that it would catch what your body rejected. One of his hands held the bucket, the other sweeping your hair away from your face. It was all too familiar for him. Except for Taeyong, he had done it alone. 

“It’s okay, ____” He hushed, palm flattened over your back to rub comforting circles. “Breath through your nose and count to ten. It helps.” 

You did as such, shoulders relaxing as the air finally seeped into your lungs. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, sighing at the crimson residue that was becoming all too familiar. You opened your mouth to speak, only to be gently hushed once more. 

“It’s okay, it’ll hurt too much if you talk.” He set the bucket down on the side table. “You should get yourself some grapeseed oil. A teaspoon a day should at least prevent the attacks so often.” Taeyong didn’t look at you as he spoke, his hands busying themselves with opening the small drawer to your coffee table in search of tissues. 

“You mean this?” You rasped, pulling the small droplet bottle from your pocket, and setting it down on the surface before you. Taeyong’s eyebrows creased. 

It was the exact same bottle he was sure he had. Though, catching sight of the label on the bottle he knew it was his bottle. ‘Taeyong’  scribbled messily on the labeled sticker. He looked at you expectantly. 

“Johnny gave it to me.” Just uttering his name sent a pang of hurt through you, a wave of emotion rippling from your jaw to the tips of your toes. 

Taeyong understood immediately, a deep sigh resonating as he nodded once. “He knows then.” To which you nodded, eyes fixed on your lap. 

He had never seen you cry, and he would hate to admit it but your eyes looked pretty when you did. It was as if the glaze of tears enhanced the colors of your iris. “He doesn’t know it’s this bad. He thinks the tickle has just started.” 

“____, you’re dying and you’re telling me Johnny hasn’t noticed yet?” To say that Taeyong was in disbelief was an understatement. The new knowledge that Johnny knew now had floored him. 

Why? Because Johnny hadn’t once let it show. Taeyong had been around the guy all week and he was still the happy comedic genius he always was. Not a hint of anything bothering him. 

“Yong, It’s okay. I..” You drew your knees up to your chest, patting the spot next to you for him. “I’ve come to terms with it.” 

“Come to terms with it?!” He spluttered. “____, you are in your twenties! You can’t be okay with dying in your twenties.” His hand raked through his hair, eyes blinking rapidly like he couldn't come to terms with how calm you looked right now. 

Taeyong could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest, his gaze hardening as he addressed you once more. “You know he’s been seeing her too, don’t you?”

You were silent, shame eating at your subconscious. “If I ignore it then he won’t have to be like this too.” 

Taeyong sprung up to his feet. “Wake up! He’s out there living his life with no regrets and you’re the one to suffer? I can’t…” He shook his head, shoving his clenched fists into his pockets. “I’m sorry, I just-” With one last shake of his head, Taeyong left you there. The slam of your front door announcing his absence.

Johnny remembered the conversation between the two of you very clearly. He was convinced he still loved you a lot. Just not in the way you need. At first, he thought it was doubt, but as time went on he started to notice the dry tickly cough and the abundance of petals scattered in your trash. He was sure it wasn’t harmful yet, certain that he still held the love in his heart for you. 

Johnny didn’t love Yuki. She was fun. She was different. She wasn’t you. He could spend time with her without any strings attached. It was freeing, knowing he wasn't destined to be with her no matter what. 

He felt guilt at first. He didn’t like lying to you, but it was for his own selfish gain that he did. Johnny had seen Taeyong go through the pain and near death of a soulmate falling out of love, he didn’t want that for himself. Johnny had too much to live for, as arrogant and self-centred as that sounded. 

 He remembered what you said when he gave you the vial of grapeseed oil, how your shaky hands had placed over his own. How you told him it was okay, it wasn’t his fault. But Johnny couldn’t help but think it was. Johnny tried so hard to make himself love you still. Your words of comfort swirled in his mind and kept him up at night. ‘Nobody can help who they do and don’t love. Feelings change, People don’t’ You’d said to him.

Johnny felt ashamed. Being unfaithful to you whilst you still loved him with every ounce of your soul. Deep down, Johnny knew you only had two options he just hoped you made a decision before it was too late. 

Taeyong had been seen by barely anyone all week. It was as if he was attending his classes and then picking up every extra shift or odd job imaginable. The Neos were even more shocked when Mark slapped a flier down on the dining table ping pong table in front of some of the brothers. A for sale flier, advertising their frat leader’s motorcycle. The very same one that he cherished and spent a fortune to modify. 

“Do you think he’s in debt?” Jungwoo frowned, setting his beer on the table. 

That question alone earned a chortled laugh. “Woo, we’re in university. We’re all in debt.” Yuta clapped him on the back. “But, on a serious note, He’s been acting super weird lately.” 

Everyone launched into debate, trying to determine why Taeyong would be selling his pride and joy so suddenly. Conversation ceased when the front door opened and the man in question shuffled into the open-plan living space with an exhausted wave. 

“Ty, are you actually selling the bandit?” The question came from Taeil, Neo frat’s oldest member. 

Taeyong moved through the living area, taking a seat at one of the beanbags littered around the table. “Already sold it.” He bobbed his head in a nod. 

It earned him many concerned looks. “Are you in trouble or something? Are you trying to cover the water bill from when Mark broke the faucet?” 

“No, Jae. I’m not in trouble. It’s not for me.”  He reassured, his voice dying down quietly. “It’s for ____.” 

Everyone stopped. Mark locked his phone, Yuta stopped chipping at his nail polish, and Taeil nearly spat out his beer. Jaehyun and Jungwoo were already staring at him. 

“Why?”

Taeyong took a deep breath, anticipating the question.It didn’t take long for him to catch them up to speed.  “You haven’t noticed? I can’t watch her die. Even if she’s come to terms with it.” 

“She’s not been to class for a few weeks. Professor Choi just straight-up skips over her name now. I’m guessing they know.” Jaehyun hummed. 

“Hm, Jaemin said he saw her last week on his midnight ramen run.” Mark recalled, “Said she looked like something out of living dead.” 

“Mark,” Taeyong gave him a warning look. The younger just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m going to book the operation for her. She doesn’t know. I just need the deposit. After that, it’s monthly payments. I can scrape enough together for the monthly just fine.” He looked pained. “Whenever I see her, it’s like I’m watching myself go through it again.” 

One by one, Jaehyun, Mark, Jungwoo, Yuta, and Taeil offered their help. 

The six of them didn’t make it known what their plans were but soon enough, after Taeyong had put what he had already saved with what the others offered, it was enough. He rocked up to the private medical center, cash in an envelope that was tucked neatly within the inside pocket of his jacket. 

Taeyong was pleasantly surprised that he was allowed to schedule and pay the deposit on your behalf. Acting on best interest. The receptionist did stress that you needed to fill in the form and sign consent upon arrival but Taeyong was more pleased that he was giving you a chance at life. That there was a possibility that you could carry on.

What he didn’t expect, was your immediate refusal when he brought the leaflet and forms over to your apartment the following morning. The smile dropped from his face as you tried to hide away from him.  ‘He could die.’ You’d cried at him. And whilst it had been proven he wouldn't, you were convinced. 

“He won’t, ____.” Taeyong begged. “Please, you can’t just accept this.” The bed dipped as he sat on the edge. The many times he had visited you now, you had always been. The last time you got up to open the door, Taeyong honestly worried that you would pass away right there on the doorstep. He took your spare key after that. 

Taeyong’s gentle fingers lifted the damp wash cloth from the bowl at your bedside, running the cool material over your brow and cheeks. A light smile twitched at the corner of your lips, the sensation easing your fever, only a little but it was better than before. He knew he wasn’t going to get many more words from you this evening. You’d exhausted yourself already for the evening. Taeyong was just content enough to sit here and care for you. 

Honestly, before it was known that you were Johnny’s soulmate, Taeyong had hoped you’d notice him. He had often found himself wishing that it wouldn’t last so he could at least have a shot with you. His hopes were crushed when Johnny had run through the fraternity declaring you were both soulmates. Taeyong had made peace with the idea that maybe he was meant to be alone, satisfied just by seeing you whenever Johnny brought you over to hang out. 

He never wished for this, though. 

Tenderest of touches brushed your hair away from where it had clung to your forehead. Taeyong clicking on the standing fan in an attempt to offer you some cool relief. “Trust me, ____.” He whispered, voice brittle. “I went through this.” His confession had your right eye cracking open. 

“Back in the first year,” Taeyong recalled. “Watching you and Johnny go through this… it’s like a mirror. I nearly died,” He picked up your hand, engulfing it in both of his own. “I refused the operation until it was nearly too late. For the same reason, actually.” 

Your fingers twitched in his own, your index finger hooking around his thumb to offer comfort. You have suspected Taeyong had some close experience with this. Especially in the way he always seemed to understand your pain, the sad gazes, and his drive to help you. You had never expected that he would be the one in your position though. The meer thought had tears welling up in your eyes. You seemed to cry a lot around the man these days. 

“He didn’t die though. Apparently, he just… coughed up the root.” He lifted your hand, the ghosting feeling of his lips against your knuckles. “I promise you, Johnny won’t die… At least think about it.” To which you nodded in agreement. 

Taeyong made you soup, your favorite kind. You weren’t even sure how he knew it was your favorite but he did. He parted from you with a lingering kiss to your hairline. Just like every night. This form of unrequited love seemed to of hurt him more than his last. 

He’d left the forms and leaflets on the empty bed space by your feet.

You’d asked Taeyong not to come over for the last four days. As worried as he was, he had to respect your wishes. You didn’t want him to see your sudden decline as you entered the last stage of the rejection. Meaning, that Johnny had almost fallen completely out of love with you now. 

You were expecting it, Taeyong too. You and Johnny had broken things off the last time you saw each other. Both of you doing so without even having to clarify the matter. He was free. Almost. 

Taeyong had been stressed all week, even his frat brothers had given him a wide berth. Many put it down to the lacrosse game the pending evening. Only a select few really knew that it was because today was the same day Taeyong had scheduled for your surgery. 

He hadn’t known it was the same day as the game, Jungwoo uttering the words with caution the day before. Taeyong swore to himself that he thought he booked it for next week. He didn’t even know if you were going to accept it… Any time he brought it up you tended to change the subject. 

How Taeyong managed to even pass the ball with steady swings amazed even himself, his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. He had nearly skipped the game in favor of being with you, but he knew he couldn’t.  The game had gone smoothly, they were winning by one. In fact, Johnny had to take the penalty shot. 

The whole field waited on bated breath, all eyes on Johnny as he just stood there, his expression morphed in such a way that Taeyong exchanged a look with Jaehyun.

“Seo! Take the damn shot already!” The coach didn’t even get through his ending word before Johnny’s form curled over, knees slamming into the ground. 

Taeyong rushed over as his friend tore off his helmet and spat his mouthguard to the ground. He would worry about that later. Taeyong slid to his knees beside Johnny, his own helmet crashing to the ground out of his grip. 

Johnny had never felt such pain. His airways were burning. The sensation in his chest felt like all the oxygen was being torn from him. The team crowded around him, blocking anyone else's view of the scene.  A choked cough left his throat, a shout of agony following after. Petals. Blood. Stems.  The flower was unwinding itself, pulling at the roots from within his chest and lungs. 

The team managed to maneuver Johnny back to the locker rooms, it took four of them to carry him but soon the male was slumped against the tiles of the showers. Taeyong was beside him once again. “Cough it up Johnny, you’ll do more damage if you don’t.” He tugged Johnny’s arm to sit him forward, his fist thumping down in the center of his back. “Johnny, come on!” 

To say Taeyong was relieved when Johnny finally started coughing again was an understatement. “You gotta carry it on, it’ll hurt but I’ve got you.” He pleaded over the sound of his friend’s cries and chokes. 

Johnny doesn’t know how long he continuously coughed for. All he knew was the last one to shake through his body finally offered him release, Taeyong tugging him away from the mangled mix of plant and blood only to rip him, Johnny, from his shock-induced state by shoving him under the freezing cold shower stream - kit and all. 

A big, clear breath left him. 

“What the fuck, John?” Ten peaked his head around the corner, having raced in after the team to check on his best friend. 

“Dude, that's your flower.” Mark grimaced, crouched down next to the offending object. 

The announcement made Johnny’s spine straighten, and Taeyong hung his head. “What does it mean?” Johnny shakily stood, pressing the button to stop the stream of cold water. 

It was fascinating how Johnny already felt better. He felt no pull in his chest, no weakness even after the whole ordeal. He felt new. But if he felt like this… then what had happened to you? The realization of what had happened weighed heavy on his guilt. 

He turned to address the sort of traumatized, faces around him but it wasn’t him that spoke up. It was Taeyong. “It means I need to find ____.” 

Taeyong had raced past his teammates and into the locker room without any further explanation. His phone cramped between his ear and shoulder as he tugged on his sweats at record speed. “C’mon, Petal. Pick up.” He swore to himself, only removing the device from his ear to throw on a t-shirt from his locker. It was a term of endearment he had taken to calling you of late, though quite often when you were too dazed to notice. 

He ignored the looks of confusion from his friends. Well, from those other than Mark and Jaehyun. From the look on Johnny’s face, he was still piecing things together. Taeyong didn’t have time for that, snatching the keys for the beat-up Honda he had gotten recently and sprinting from the room. 

Taeyong continued to call you on the way to your apartment. He had just hoped you’d gotten yourself to the appointment. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing you like this. He found himself afraid to enter your building, scared of what he may find. His head thumped against the steering wheel, eyes burning with unshed tears. You had to be okay. 

His phone buzzed, body jumped when he saw your name flash on the screen. He swiped to answer, bringing it up to his ear with a relieved sigh. “____.” He listened to your breathing for a split second, registering the steady beeps in the background. 

“Is he alive?” Your tone was filled with urgency but your voice was clearer than Taeyong had heard in weeks. It had a relieved laugh bubbling from his chest, salty droplets cascading down his cheeks and leaving his tear ducts with the tension in him. 

“He’s fine.” He sniffled, rubbing at his face. “ Petal, you’re okay. I tho-” You interrupted him with a soothing call of his name. 

“You were right.” He listened to you pause, the sounds of you sipping through a straw present in the receiver. “There are things I do have to live for.” You spoke quietly. “The first one being myself.” 

He hummed in agreement, starting up the car again. “Yeah? I’ll be there soon and you can tell me all about the second, Petal.” He was rewarded with a breathy laugh. “What?”

“Petal.” You murmured, Taeyong could hear the slumber lingering back into your tone. 

“Get some rest. I’ll be there soon.” He was about to pull the phone away from his ear when you quietly called his name again. 

“Yes?” He hummed, clicking the hands-free and setting the phone into the holder on the dash. 

“Can I tell you my second reason?” 

“What’s that, Petal?” He smiled softly to himself. 

“It’s you.”

©Acescavern - I do not give permission for my works to be copied, translated or reposted

END TO START - LEE TAEYONG X READER

Navi - M.list

Pairing: Soulmate!Johnny x Soulmate! reader, Taeyong x reader. ( Ft Mark, Jungwoo, Ten, Jaehyun, Taeil, Yuta. Mentions Jaemin once.)

Genre: Heavy angst my guys, soulmates au, neo frat au, university au, fluff, Hanahaki Soulmate trope.

Synopsis: Taeyong had been perfectly happy to sit back and watch you and Johnny be together. However, when he starts to notice certain behaviors that are all too familiar, he finds himself unable to watch you slowly die. Just because Johnny may not love you anymore... doesn't mean Taeyong doesn't love you either.

wc: 4.9k

Warnings: Heavy angst, Blood, Mentions of death, suffering, choking, johnny is unfaithful, it's a Hanahaki au so they basically cough up dead and thorned flowers. It's not a graphic description but there are descriptions of pain too, mentions of weight loss due to being unwell, Unrequited love, hurt, Taeyong's been in love with the reader since before her and Johnny got together, heavy rejection, soulmate rejection ( Just because i have written this does NOT mean that i think any one of the nct members would cheat or act thi way. this is pure FICTION.) Please let me know if i have missed any warnings

Note: Hi! I have a few fics in the works but I'm worried I wont get them done for Halloween. So, I am blessing you with this heart-breaking fic. I wanted to release this fic early as a thank you for all your love on Operation Rizz! Now, this is the same frat universe as all my other NCT fics. they can all be read as stand alone though, so don't worry! Any feedback is once again appreciated. I do not own the concept of Hanahaki.

Likes and reblogs are appreciated

Soulmates were supposed to be someone's everything—the one person who was meant specifically for them. Someone you can lean on and cherish, who would dote and adore you. Someone to dish out as much love to you as you unto them. To stay by your side and grow old together. However, some people are already at that stage when they meet their destined person. There was also the worry of some people not having a soulmate. Legend says that only the blessed are gifted with such. 

Gifted? Yes. To many, the Soulmate system is a curse - depending on what type you are assigned to. Tattoos? Easy. Mind reading? Okay a little more difficult. Red string? That practically takes you straight to them.  Eternal life? Near impossible! You could spend many years with someone you thought was a soulmate only to see a wrinkle and realize you aren’t made for each other at all. Seeing things in black and white only to suddenly be overwhelmed with color at a music festival and not know who the hell you’d bumped into in that massive crowd that could possibly be your soulmate. Not everyone even had a soulmate, they could be with whoever they wanted without consequences. 

But there was one type in particular that nobody wanted. Hanahaki. Named after the fictional Japanese Hanahaki Disease. It comes from the Japanese words Hana - meaning flower and Hakimasu - quite literally meaning, to throw up. 

In a soulmate's case, when they first meet each other a seed is awakened. It grows thorned roses - the flowers of love - cradling the person’s heart and twining around inside their lungs. For the most part, other than the occasional flutter and heartburn, it goes unnoticeable. So long as the soulmate reciprocates the feelings of love. But, should one soulmate start to fall out of love? The other will suffer terribly. The flowers will die, the spikey stems squeezing at the organs they were once gently caressing with love. Crushing in their anguish.

Of course, unlike the other soulmate types, there are two ways out of Hanahaki... Let the weight of the unreciprocated love drag on painfully until you die, or convince your health insurance to accept the cost of the operation to remove the offending plants. However, by the time one realizes they are soulmates, it is likely that the bond has already been unreciprocated. 

Taeyong knew this. He knew this because it happened to him. He had once been on the receiving end of the agonizing scratch of dead rose stems climbing up his throat in a mess of blood and wilted petals. Taeyong had nearly died. He recognized the signs clearly and that was the reason he was so shocked to see them in who he did. 

Johnny’s soulmate.

Taeyong first took notice when you walked through the door of the club. A celebration night to celebrate the frat’s anniversary alongside Taeyong’s new choreographer position in the dance studio he works in. Your face had a slightly paler tone and although you were doing a good job at keeping your breathing even… Taeyong recognized the telltale signs of a wince when you took the air in too harshly. 

But when he saw Johnny approach you and press a loving kiss to your forehead, he scolded himself for thinking such things. Taeyong knew something was up though, your smile didn’t meet your eyes and when you congratulated him with a hug, he swore he could feel your body tremble. 

He tried not to worry too much throughout the night but when he saw Johnny by the bar, his charming smile dazzled at some sorority girls that had been invited… Taeyong wondered where you’d gone. The disappointment within him only grew when he watched his best friend and frat brother go home with one of them. 

So, maybe his suspicions were correct. A few weeks passed and he’d not seen a glimpse of you, Johnny hadn’t even uttered your name. The rapper hadn’t had time to sit him down and ask him about the incident. Until now. 

Taeyong dabbed the sweat from his brow with the neckline of his shirt, swiping his water bottle from the floor. He shuffled toward his friend, watching as he grinned at his phone as he typed. He was talking to someone and Taeyong only hoped it was you. That you’d both mended things to stop it getting worse. The thought of it all being a misunderstanding had a relieved smile spreading across his face as he settled on the floor next to Johnny. 

“You texting ____? Tell her I said Hey.” Taeyong said, twisting the cap off his drink to take a swig. Taeyong was almost taken aback at the irritated flash that crossed Johnny’s expression at the mention of your name. 

If Taeyong wasn’t so observant, he would have missed it. Johnny shook his head, swiftly locking his phone when his leader went to peer over his shoulder. “It’s not. It’s Yuki.” 

Taeyong’s eyebrows scrunched, posture freezing for a moment. “The sorority girl you went home with?” He tried to keep his tone level. Memories of the same thing happening to himself reoccur in his mind. “What about ____?” The question hung awkwardly in the air, Johnny staring at Taeyong as if he’d asked something ridiculous. 

“What about her?” He shrugged. “Just because I do stupid things, doesn't mean I don’t love her. She’s my soulmate.” He paused, an almost defeated sigh sagging at his shoulders. “The only one I got.” 

Taeyong took notice of the slight bitterness in his words. Almost as if he didn’t realize that he did it. “Do you?” 

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck, his mouth opening but no words coming out. Once again, a defeated shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah… yes.” He cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I’m sure we’d of noticed by now if I hadn’t.”  Johnny left no room for debate, standing up with a clap of his hands to suggest they continue their lacrosse practice.

You knew. You knew Johnny’s feelings for you were dwindling. You were reminded every time you coughed. Reminded by the way your breath left you in an agonizing squeeze when Johnny would kiss your forehead.  

But, even though you knew… it didn’t make you love him any less. You knew what he got up to when your nights weren't spent together. You didn’t do a thing, didn’t bring it up. You almost tried to ignore it. You loved Johnny. You always would. And, as long as you continued to love him, he wouldn’t have the same fate as you. You would never wish this pain on him even if he was the cause. 

You wished you’d heeded Mark’s seemingly lighthearted warning at the beginning of your relationship. ‘He’s one of my closest friends but he doesn’t always do the right thing, just… please be careful.’ Mark had said one evening. You hadn’t truly understood why he had said it, nor did you get to question him before Johnny had slid his arm around your middle. 

You understood perfectly now. Especially as a sharp tickle wheezed in the back of your throat, your eyes discreetly scanning the new text message from your seat at the very back row of English lit class. ‘Can we rain check date night again? Coach is being a hardass and wants us to stay late.’ For the third week running, the same excuse. Sure, you’d seen Johnny. But Thursday was always date night. Something you’d both stuck to like glue once before. 

Pain twisted in your chest, your breath rough. You brought the sleeve of your hoodie to your mouth, attempting a discreet cough. It didn’t do anything for you, the feeling like you’d swallowed razorblades. The world felt like it was spinning for a moment and you had to close your eyes and count to ten to steady it again. 

One look at your sleeve had you frowning. The next stage had started. You’d read about this. Discoloured petals. You’d only coughed up one but one was enough for you to be sure. With one last attempt at clearing your throat, you brushed the blackened petal to the ground. 

Taeyong shared this class with you. Whilst he didn’t often sit next to you, he was mostly always on the same row. Not many people occupied the back row and so, when he heard the muffled hack come from your direction he had looked over, shoulders tensing as he watched you. 

He approached you at the end of class, watching your sluggish movements as you shoved your laptop back into your bag. “____, Are you alright?” He asked softly, noting the sheen of sickly sweat coasting your forehead. 

Lips pressed firmly together, you nodded. You were certain if you opened your mouth you'd start coughing and choking again but you didn’t want to be rude. “I’m fine.” Bad idea. “Sorry, Yong, I gotta go-” Taeyong had never heard your voice so scratchy and coarse. He had also never seen you flee so quickly before he could even open his mouth, your notepad falling from your unzipped bag as you vanished before his eyes. 

As he knelt down to collect it from the ground, his fingers made contact with a velvety, withered texture. 

A blackened rose petal. 

 The next time Taeyong saw you, you were much worse than he could have imagined. He had only turned up at your apartment because he assumed Johnny had left his phone at your place. He couldn’t really understand the rushed words of ‘Shit! I left my phone at her place, I’m already late!’ When Taeyong offered to go and get it, he naturally thought of your place. 

So when you answered the door, he was standing frozen at the sight of you. Your eyes had bags under them that would put JFK airport to shame. Your complexion was grey, lips cracked and dry. Taeyong could definitely see you’d lost some weight too, your knitted sweater nearly slipping off one shoulder. His gaze caught onto the marks along your neck, long red streaks almost looking like you had been clawing at it in your agony. Your winced call of his name kicked his brain into gear. 

“Now isn’t a good ti-” His hands flew out to rub and pat your back as your words were interrupted. 

Taeyong’s heart broke as he watched you struggle. You couldn’t get your breath, your face turning red from the strenuosity. Taeyong backed you into your apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. He sat you on your couch, disappearing from view for a moment.

You didn’t even take note of what exactly was being thrust under your nose, only that it would catch what your body rejected. One of his hands held the bucket, the other sweeping your hair away from your face. It was all too familiar for him. Except for Taeyong, he had done it alone. 

“It’s okay, ____” He hushed, palm flattened over your back to rub comforting circles. “Breath through your nose and count to ten. It helps.” 

You did as such, shoulders relaxing as the air finally seeped into your lungs. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, sighing at the crimson residue that was becoming all too familiar. You opened your mouth to speak, only to be gently hushed once more. 

“It’s okay, it’ll hurt too much if you talk.” He set the bucket down on the side table. “You should get yourself some grapeseed oil. A teaspoon a day should at least prevent the attacks so often.” Taeyong didn’t look at you as he spoke, his hands busying themselves with opening the small drawer to your coffee table in search of tissues. 

“You mean this?” You rasped, pulling the small droplet bottle from your pocket, and setting it down on the surface before you. Taeyong’s eyebrows creased. 

It was the exact same bottle he was sure he had. Though, catching sight of the label on the bottle he knew it was his bottle. ‘Taeyong’  scribbled messily on the labeled sticker. He looked at you expectantly. 

“Johnny gave it to me.” Just uttering his name sent a pang of hurt through you, a wave of emotion rippling from your jaw to the tips of your toes. 

Taeyong understood immediately, a deep sigh resonating as he nodded once. “He knows then.” To which you nodded, eyes fixed on your lap. 

He had never seen you cry, and he would hate to admit it but your eyes looked pretty when you did. It was as if the glaze of tears enhanced the colors of your iris. “He doesn’t know it’s this bad. He thinks the tickle has just started.” 

“____, you’re dying and you’re telling me Johnny hasn’t noticed yet?” To say that Taeyong was in disbelief was an understatement. The new knowledge that Johnny knew now had floored him. 

Why? Because Johnny hadn’t once let it show. Taeyong had been around the guy all week and he was still the happy comedic genius he always was. Not a hint of anything bothering him. 

“Yong, It’s okay. I..” You drew your knees up to your chest, patting the spot next to you for him. “I’ve come to terms with it.” 

“Come to terms with it?!” He spluttered. “____, you are in your twenties! You can’t be okay with dying in your twenties.” His hand raked through his hair, eyes blinking rapidly like he couldn't come to terms with how calm you looked right now. 

Taeyong could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest, his gaze hardening as he addressed you once more. “You know he’s been seeing her too, don’t you?”

You were silent, shame eating at your subconscious. “If I ignore it then he won’t have to be like this too.” 

Taeyong sprung up to his feet. “Wake up! He’s out there living his life with no regrets and you’re the one to suffer? I can’t…” He shook his head, shoving his clenched fists into his pockets. “I’m sorry, I just-” With one last shake of his head, Taeyong left you there. The slam of your front door announcing his absence.

Johnny remembered the conversation between the two of you very clearly. He was convinced he still loved you a lot. Just not in the way you need. At first, he thought it was doubt, but as time went on he started to notice the dry tickly cough and the abundance of petals scattered in your trash. He was sure it wasn’t harmful yet, certain that he still held the love in his heart for you. 

Johnny didn’t love Yuki. She was fun. She was different. She wasn’t you. He could spend time with her without any strings attached. It was freeing, knowing he wasn't destined to be with her no matter what. 

He felt guilt at first. He didn’t like lying to you, but it was for his own selfish gain that he did. Johnny had seen Taeyong go through the pain and near death of a soulmate falling out of love, he didn’t want that for himself. Johnny had too much to live for, as arrogant and self-centred as that sounded. 

 He remembered what you said when he gave you the vial of grapeseed oil, how your shaky hands had placed over his own. How you told him it was okay, it wasn’t his fault. But Johnny couldn’t help but think it was. Johnny tried so hard to make himself love you still. Your words of comfort swirled in his mind and kept him up at night. ‘Nobody can help who they do and don’t love. Feelings change, People don’t’ You’d said to him.

Johnny felt ashamed. Being unfaithful to you whilst you still loved him with every ounce of your soul. Deep down, Johnny knew you only had two options he just hoped you made a decision before it was too late. 

Taeyong had been seen by barely anyone all week. It was as if he was attending his classes and then picking up every extra shift or odd job imaginable. The Neos were even more shocked when Mark slapped a flier down on the dining table ping pong table in front of some of the brothers. A for sale flier, advertising their frat leader’s motorcycle. The very same one that he cherished and spent a fortune to modify. 

“Do you think he’s in debt?” Jungwoo frowned, setting his beer on the table. 

That question alone earned a chortled laugh. “Woo, we’re in university. We’re all in debt.” Yuta clapped him on the back. “But, on a serious note, He’s been acting super weird lately.” 

Everyone launched into debate, trying to determine why Taeyong would be selling his pride and joy so suddenly. Conversation ceased when the front door opened and the man in question shuffled into the open-plan living space with an exhausted wave. 

“Ty, are you actually selling the bandit?” The question came from Taeil, Neo frat’s oldest member. 

Taeyong moved through the living area, taking a seat at one of the beanbags littered around the table. “Already sold it.” He bobbed his head in a nod. 

It earned him many concerned looks. “Are you in trouble or something? Are you trying to cover the water bill from when Mark broke the faucet?” 

“No, Jae. I’m not in trouble. It’s not for me.”  He reassured, his voice dying down quietly. “It’s for ____.” 

Everyone stopped. Mark locked his phone, Yuta stopped chipping at his nail polish, and Taeil nearly spat out his beer. Jaehyun and Jungwoo were already staring at him. 

“Why?”

Taeyong took a deep breath, anticipating the question.It didn’t take long for him to catch them up to speed.  “You haven’t noticed? I can’t watch her die. Even if she’s come to terms with it.” 

“She’s not been to class for a few weeks. Professor Choi just straight-up skips over her name now. I’m guessing they know.” Jaehyun hummed. 

“Hm, Jaemin said he saw her last week on his midnight ramen run.” Mark recalled, “Said she looked like something out of living dead.” 

“Mark,” Taeyong gave him a warning look. The younger just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m going to book the operation for her. She doesn’t know. I just need the deposit. After that, it’s monthly payments. I can scrape enough together for the monthly just fine.” He looked pained. “Whenever I see her, it’s like I’m watching myself go through it again.” 

One by one, Jaehyun, Mark, Jungwoo, Yuta, and Taeil offered their help. 

The six of them didn’t make it known what their plans were but soon enough, after Taeyong had put what he had already saved with what the others offered, it was enough. He rocked up to the private medical center, cash in an envelope that was tucked neatly within the inside pocket of his jacket. 

Taeyong was pleasantly surprised that he was allowed to schedule and pay the deposit on your behalf. Acting on best interest. The receptionist did stress that you needed to fill in the form and sign consent upon arrival but Taeyong was more pleased that he was giving you a chance at life. That there was a possibility that you could carry on.

What he didn’t expect, was your immediate refusal when he brought the leaflet and forms over to your apartment the following morning. The smile dropped from his face as you tried to hide away from him.  ‘He could die.’ You’d cried at him. And whilst it had been proven he wouldn't, you were convinced. 

“He won’t, ____.” Taeyong begged. “Please, you can’t just accept this.” The bed dipped as he sat on the edge. The many times he had visited you now, you had always been. The last time you got up to open the door, Taeyong honestly worried that you would pass away right there on the doorstep. He took your spare key after that. 

Taeyong’s gentle fingers lifted the damp wash cloth from the bowl at your bedside, running the cool material over your brow and cheeks. A light smile twitched at the corner of your lips, the sensation easing your fever, only a little but it was better than before. He knew he wasn’t going to get many more words from you this evening. You’d exhausted yourself already for the evening. Taeyong was just content enough to sit here and care for you. 

Honestly, before it was known that you were Johnny’s soulmate, Taeyong had hoped you’d notice him. He had often found himself wishing that it wouldn’t last so he could at least have a shot with you. His hopes were crushed when Johnny had run through the fraternity declaring you were both soulmates. Taeyong had made peace with the idea that maybe he was meant to be alone, satisfied just by seeing you whenever Johnny brought you over to hang out. 

He never wished for this, though. 

Tenderest of touches brushed your hair away from where it had clung to your forehead. Taeyong clicking on the standing fan in an attempt to offer you some cool relief. “Trust me, ____.” He whispered, voice brittle. “I went through this.” His confession had your right eye cracking open. 

“Back in the first year,” Taeyong recalled. “Watching you and Johnny go through this… it’s like a mirror. I nearly died,” He picked up your hand, engulfing it in both of his own. “I refused the operation until it was nearly too late. For the same reason, actually.” 

Your fingers twitched in his own, your index finger hooking around his thumb to offer comfort. You have suspected Taeyong had some close experience with this. Especially in the way he always seemed to understand your pain, the sad gazes, and his drive to help you. You had never expected that he would be the one in your position though. The meer thought had tears welling up in your eyes. You seemed to cry a lot around the man these days. 

“He didn’t die though. Apparently, he just… coughed up the root.” He lifted your hand, the ghosting feeling of his lips against your knuckles. “I promise you, Johnny won’t die… At least think about it.” To which you nodded in agreement. 

Taeyong made you soup, your favorite kind. You weren’t even sure how he knew it was your favorite but he did. He parted from you with a lingering kiss to your hairline. Just like every night. This form of unrequited love seemed to of hurt him more than his last. 

He’d left the forms and leaflets on the empty bed space by your feet.

You’d asked Taeyong not to come over for the last four days. As worried as he was, he had to respect your wishes. You didn’t want him to see your sudden decline as you entered the last stage of the rejection. Meaning, that Johnny had almost fallen completely out of love with you now. 

You were expecting it, Taeyong too. You and Johnny had broken things off the last time you saw each other. Both of you doing so without even having to clarify the matter. He was free. Almost. 

Taeyong had been stressed all week, even his frat brothers had given him a wide berth. Many put it down to the lacrosse game the pending evening. Only a select few really knew that it was because today was the same day Taeyong had scheduled for your surgery. 

He hadn’t known it was the same day as the game, Jungwoo uttering the words with caution the day before. Taeyong swore to himself that he thought he booked it for next week. He didn’t even know if you were going to accept it… Any time he brought it up you tended to change the subject. 

How Taeyong managed to even pass the ball with steady swings amazed even himself, his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. He had nearly skipped the game in favor of being with you, but he knew he couldn’t.  The game had gone smoothly, they were winning by one. In fact, Johnny had to take the penalty shot. 

The whole field waited on bated breath, all eyes on Johnny as he just stood there, his expression morphed in such a way that Taeyong exchanged a look with Jaehyun.

“Seo! Take the damn shot already!” The coach didn’t even get through his ending word before Johnny’s form curled over, knees slamming into the ground. 

Taeyong rushed over as his friend tore off his helmet and spat his mouthguard to the ground. He would worry about that later. Taeyong slid to his knees beside Johnny, his own helmet crashing to the ground out of his grip. 

Johnny had never felt such pain. His airways were burning. The sensation in his chest felt like all the oxygen was being torn from him. The team crowded around him, blocking anyone else's view of the scene.  A choked cough left his throat, a shout of agony following after. Petals. Blood. Stems.  The flower was unwinding itself, pulling at the roots from within his chest and lungs. 

The team managed to maneuver Johnny back to the locker rooms, it took four of them to carry him but soon the male was slumped against the tiles of the showers. Taeyong was beside him once again. “Cough it up Johnny, you’ll do more damage if you don’t.” He tugged Johnny’s arm to sit him forward, his fist thumping down in the center of his back. “Johnny, come on!” 

To say Taeyong was relieved when Johnny finally started coughing again was an understatement. “You gotta carry it on, it’ll hurt but I’ve got you.” He pleaded over the sound of his friend’s cries and chokes. 

Johnny doesn’t know how long he continuously coughed for. All he knew was the last one to shake through his body finally offered him release, Taeyong tugging him away from the mangled mix of plant and blood only to rip him, Johnny, from his shock-induced state by shoving him under the freezing cold shower stream - kit and all. 

A big, clear breath left him. 

“What the fuck, John?” Ten peaked his head around the corner, having raced in after the team to check on his best friend. 

“Dude, that's your flower.” Mark grimaced, crouched down next to the offending object. 

The announcement made Johnny’s spine straighten, and Taeyong hung his head. “What does it mean?” Johnny shakily stood, pressing the button to stop the stream of cold water. 

It was fascinating how Johnny already felt better. He felt no pull in his chest, no weakness even after the whole ordeal. He felt new. But if he felt like this… then what had happened to you? The realization of what had happened weighed heavy on his guilt. 

He turned to address the sort of traumatized, faces around him but it wasn’t him that spoke up. It was Taeyong. “It means I need to find ____.” 

Taeyong had raced past his teammates and into the locker room without any further explanation. His phone cramped between his ear and shoulder as he tugged on his sweats at record speed. “C’mon, Petal. Pick up.” He swore to himself, only removing the device from his ear to throw on a t-shirt from his locker. It was a term of endearment he had taken to calling you of late, though quite often when you were too dazed to notice. 

He ignored the looks of confusion from his friends. Well, from those other than Mark and Jaehyun. From the look on Johnny’s face, he was still piecing things together. Taeyong didn’t have time for that, snatching the keys for the beat-up Honda he had gotten recently and sprinting from the room. 

Taeyong continued to call you on the way to your apartment. He had just hoped you’d gotten yourself to the appointment. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing you like this. He found himself afraid to enter your building, scared of what he may find. His head thumped against the steering wheel, eyes burning with unshed tears. You had to be okay. 

His phone buzzed, body jumped when he saw your name flash on the screen. He swiped to answer, bringing it up to his ear with a relieved sigh. “____.” He listened to your breathing for a split second, registering the steady beeps in the background. 

“Is he alive?” Your tone was filled with urgency but your voice was clearer than Taeyong had heard in weeks. It had a relieved laugh bubbling from his chest, salty droplets cascading down his cheeks and leaving his tear ducts with the tension in him. 

“He’s fine.” He sniffled, rubbing at his face. “ Petal, you’re okay. I tho-” You interrupted him with a soothing call of his name. 

“You were right.” He listened to you pause, the sounds of you sipping through a straw present in the receiver. “There are things I do have to live for.” You spoke quietly. “The first one being myself.” 

He hummed in agreement, starting up the car again. “Yeah? I’ll be there soon and you can tell me all about the second, Petal.” He was rewarded with a breathy laugh. “What?”

“Petal.” You murmured, Taeyong could hear the slumber lingering back into your tone. 

“Get some rest. I’ll be there soon.” He was about to pull the phone away from his ear when you quietly called his name again. 

“Yes?” He hummed, clicking the hands-free and setting the phone into the holder on the dash. 

“Can I tell you my second reason?” 

“What’s that, Petal?” He smiled softly to himself. 

“It’s you.”

©Acescavern - I do not give permission for my works to be copied, translated or reposted

END TO START - LEE TAEYONG X READER

Navi - M.list

Pairing: Soulmate!Johnny x Soulmate! reader, Taeyong x reader. ( Ft Mark, Jungwoo, Ten, Jaehyun, Taeil, Yuta. Mentions Jaemin once.)

Genre: Heavy angst my guys, soulmates au, neo frat au, university au, fluff, Hanahaki Soulmate trope.

Synopsis: Taeyong had been perfectly happy to sit back and watch you and Johnny be together. However, when he starts to notice certain behaviors that are all too familiar, he finds himself unable to watch you slowly die. Just because Johnny may not love you anymore... doesn't mean Taeyong doesn't love you either.

wc: 4.9k

Warnings: Heavy angst, Blood, Mentions of death, suffering, choking, johnny is unfaithful, it's a Hanahaki au so they basically cough up dead and thorned flowers. It's not a graphic description but there are descriptions of pain too, mentions of weight loss due to being unwell, Unrequited love, hurt, Taeyong's been in love with the reader since before her and Johnny got together, heavy rejection, soulmate rejection ( Just because i have written this does NOT mean that i think any one of the nct members would cheat or act thi way. this is pure FICTION.) Please let me know if i have missed any warnings

Note: Hi! I have a few fics in the works but I'm worried I wont get them done for Halloween. So, I am blessing you with this heart-breaking fic. I wanted to release this fic early as a thank you for all your love on Operation Rizz! Now, this is the same frat universe as all my other NCT fics. they can all be read as stand alone though, so don't worry! Any feedback is once again appreciated. I do not own the concept of Hanahaki.

Likes and reblogs are appreciated

Soulmates were supposed to be someone's everything—the one person who was meant specifically for them. Someone you can lean on and cherish, who would dote and adore you. Someone to dish out as much love to you as you unto them. To stay by your side and grow old together. However, some people are already at that stage when they meet their destined person. There was also the worry of some people not having a soulmate. Legend says that only the blessed are gifted with such. 

Gifted? Yes. To many, the Soulmate system is a curse - depending on what type you are assigned to. Tattoos? Easy. Mind reading? Okay a little more difficult. Red string? That practically takes you straight to them.  Eternal life? Near impossible! You could spend many years with someone you thought was a soulmate only to see a wrinkle and realize you aren’t made for each other at all. Seeing things in black and white only to suddenly be overwhelmed with color at a music festival and not know who the hell you’d bumped into in that massive crowd that could possibly be your soulmate. Not everyone even had a soulmate, they could be with whoever they wanted without consequences. 

But there was one type in particular that nobody wanted. Hanahaki. Named after the fictional Japanese Hanahaki Disease. It comes from the Japanese words Hana - meaning flower and Hakimasu - quite literally meaning, to throw up. 

In a soulmate's case, when they first meet each other a seed is awakened. It grows thorned roses - the flowers of love - cradling the person’s heart and twining around inside their lungs. For the most part, other than the occasional flutter and heartburn, it goes unnoticeable. So long as the soulmate reciprocates the feelings of love. But, should one soulmate start to fall out of love? The other will suffer terribly. The flowers will die, the spikey stems squeezing at the organs they were once gently caressing with love. Crushing in their anguish.

Of course, unlike the other soulmate types, there are two ways out of Hanahaki... Let the weight of the unreciprocated love drag on painfully until you die, or convince your health insurance to accept the cost of the operation to remove the offending plants. However, by the time one realizes they are soulmates, it is likely that the bond has already been unreciprocated. 

Taeyong knew this. He knew this because it happened to him. He had once been on the receiving end of the agonizing scratch of dead rose stems climbing up his throat in a mess of blood and wilted petals. Taeyong had nearly died. He recognized the signs clearly and that was the reason he was so shocked to see them in who he did. 

Johnny’s soulmate.

Taeyong first took notice when you walked through the door of the club. A celebration night to celebrate the frat’s anniversary alongside Taeyong’s new choreographer position in the dance studio he works in. Your face had a slightly paler tone and although you were doing a good job at keeping your breathing even… Taeyong recognized the telltale signs of a wince when you took the air in too harshly. 

But when he saw Johnny approach you and press a loving kiss to your forehead, he scolded himself for thinking such things. Taeyong knew something was up though, your smile didn’t meet your eyes and when you congratulated him with a hug, he swore he could feel your body tremble. 

He tried not to worry too much throughout the night but when he saw Johnny by the bar, his charming smile dazzled at some sorority girls that had been invited… Taeyong wondered where you’d gone. The disappointment within him only grew when he watched his best friend and frat brother go home with one of them. 

So, maybe his suspicions were correct. A few weeks passed and he’d not seen a glimpse of you, Johnny hadn’t even uttered your name. The rapper hadn’t had time to sit him down and ask him about the incident. Until now. 

Taeyong dabbed the sweat from his brow with the neckline of his shirt, swiping his water bottle from the floor. He shuffled toward his friend, watching as he grinned at his phone as he typed. He was talking to someone and Taeyong only hoped it was you. That you’d both mended things to stop it getting worse. The thought of it all being a misunderstanding had a relieved smile spreading across his face as he settled on the floor next to Johnny. 

“You texting ____? Tell her I said Hey.” Taeyong said, twisting the cap off his drink to take a swig. Taeyong was almost taken aback at the irritated flash that crossed Johnny’s expression at the mention of your name. 

If Taeyong wasn’t so observant, he would have missed it. Johnny shook his head, swiftly locking his phone when his leader went to peer over his shoulder. “It’s not. It’s Yuki.” 

Taeyong’s eyebrows scrunched, posture freezing for a moment. “The sorority girl you went home with?” He tried to keep his tone level. Memories of the same thing happening to himself reoccur in his mind. “What about ____?” The question hung awkwardly in the air, Johnny staring at Taeyong as if he’d asked something ridiculous. 

“What about her?” He shrugged. “Just because I do stupid things, doesn't mean I don’t love her. She’s my soulmate.” He paused, an almost defeated sigh sagging at his shoulders. “The only one I got.” 

Taeyong took notice of the slight bitterness in his words. Almost as if he didn’t realize that he did it. “Do you?” 

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck, his mouth opening but no words coming out. Once again, a defeated shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah… yes.” He cleared his throat as his voice broke. “I’m sure we’d of noticed by now if I hadn’t.”  Johnny left no room for debate, standing up with a clap of his hands to suggest they continue their lacrosse practice.

You knew. You knew Johnny’s feelings for you were dwindling. You were reminded every time you coughed. Reminded by the way your breath left you in an agonizing squeeze when Johnny would kiss your forehead.  

But, even though you knew… it didn’t make you love him any less. You knew what he got up to when your nights weren't spent together. You didn’t do a thing, didn’t bring it up. You almost tried to ignore it. You loved Johnny. You always would. And, as long as you continued to love him, he wouldn’t have the same fate as you. You would never wish this pain on him even if he was the cause. 

You wished you’d heeded Mark’s seemingly lighthearted warning at the beginning of your relationship. ‘He’s one of my closest friends but he doesn’t always do the right thing, just… please be careful.’ Mark had said one evening. You hadn’t truly understood why he had said it, nor did you get to question him before Johnny had slid his arm around your middle. 

You understood perfectly now. Especially as a sharp tickle wheezed in the back of your throat, your eyes discreetly scanning the new text message from your seat at the very back row of English lit class. ‘Can we rain check date night again? Coach is being a hardass and wants us to stay late.’ For the third week running, the same excuse. Sure, you’d seen Johnny. But Thursday was always date night. Something you’d both stuck to like glue once before. 

Pain twisted in your chest, your breath rough. You brought the sleeve of your hoodie to your mouth, attempting a discreet cough. It didn’t do anything for you, the feeling like you’d swallowed razorblades. The world felt like it was spinning for a moment and you had to close your eyes and count to ten to steady it again. 

One look at your sleeve had you frowning. The next stage had started. You’d read about this. Discoloured petals. You’d only coughed up one but one was enough for you to be sure. With one last attempt at clearing your throat, you brushed the blackened petal to the ground. 

Taeyong shared this class with you. Whilst he didn’t often sit next to you, he was mostly always on the same row. Not many people occupied the back row and so, when he heard the muffled hack come from your direction he had looked over, shoulders tensing as he watched you. 

He approached you at the end of class, watching your sluggish movements as you shoved your laptop back into your bag. “____, Are you alright?” He asked softly, noting the sheen of sickly sweat coasting your forehead. 

Lips pressed firmly together, you nodded. You were certain if you opened your mouth you'd start coughing and choking again but you didn’t want to be rude. “I’m fine.” Bad idea. “Sorry, Yong, I gotta go-” Taeyong had never heard your voice so scratchy and coarse. He had also never seen you flee so quickly before he could even open his mouth, your notepad falling from your unzipped bag as you vanished before his eyes. 

As he knelt down to collect it from the ground, his fingers made contact with a velvety, withered texture. 

A blackened rose petal. 

 The next time Taeyong saw you, you were much worse than he could have imagined. He had only turned up at your apartment because he assumed Johnny had left his phone at your place. He couldn’t really understand the rushed words of ‘Shit! I left my phone at her place, I’m already late!’ When Taeyong offered to go and get it, he naturally thought of your place. 

So when you answered the door, he was standing frozen at the sight of you. Your eyes had bags under them that would put JFK airport to shame. Your complexion was grey, lips cracked and dry. Taeyong could definitely see you’d lost some weight too, your knitted sweater nearly slipping off one shoulder. His gaze caught onto the marks along your neck, long red streaks almost looking like you had been clawing at it in your agony. Your winced call of his name kicked his brain into gear. 

“Now isn’t a good ti-” His hands flew out to rub and pat your back as your words were interrupted. 

Taeyong’s heart broke as he watched you struggle. You couldn’t get your breath, your face turning red from the strenuosity. Taeyong backed you into your apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. He sat you on your couch, disappearing from view for a moment.

You didn’t even take note of what exactly was being thrust under your nose, only that it would catch what your body rejected. One of his hands held the bucket, the other sweeping your hair away from your face. It was all too familiar for him. Except for Taeyong, he had done it alone. 

“It’s okay, ____” He hushed, palm flattened over your back to rub comforting circles. “Breath through your nose and count to ten. It helps.” 

You did as such, shoulders relaxing as the air finally seeped into your lungs. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, sighing at the crimson residue that was becoming all too familiar. You opened your mouth to speak, only to be gently hushed once more. 

“It’s okay, it’ll hurt too much if you talk.” He set the bucket down on the side table. “You should get yourself some grapeseed oil. A teaspoon a day should at least prevent the attacks so often.” Taeyong didn’t look at you as he spoke, his hands busying themselves with opening the small drawer to your coffee table in search of tissues. 

“You mean this?” You rasped, pulling the small droplet bottle from your pocket, and setting it down on the surface before you. Taeyong’s eyebrows creased. 

It was the exact same bottle he was sure he had. Though, catching sight of the label on the bottle he knew it was his bottle. ‘Taeyong’  scribbled messily on the labeled sticker. He looked at you expectantly. 

“Johnny gave it to me.” Just uttering his name sent a pang of hurt through you, a wave of emotion rippling from your jaw to the tips of your toes. 

Taeyong understood immediately, a deep sigh resonating as he nodded once. “He knows then.” To which you nodded, eyes fixed on your lap. 

He had never seen you cry, and he would hate to admit it but your eyes looked pretty when you did. It was as if the glaze of tears enhanced the colors of your iris. “He doesn’t know it’s this bad. He thinks the tickle has just started.” 

“____, you’re dying and you’re telling me Johnny hasn’t noticed yet?” To say that Taeyong was in disbelief was an understatement. The new knowledge that Johnny knew now had floored him. 

Why? Because Johnny hadn’t once let it show. Taeyong had been around the guy all week and he was still the happy comedic genius he always was. Not a hint of anything bothering him. 

“Yong, It’s okay. I..” You drew your knees up to your chest, patting the spot next to you for him. “I’ve come to terms with it.” 

“Come to terms with it?!” He spluttered. “____, you are in your twenties! You can’t be okay with dying in your twenties.” His hand raked through his hair, eyes blinking rapidly like he couldn't come to terms with how calm you looked right now. 

Taeyong could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest, his gaze hardening as he addressed you once more. “You know he’s been seeing her too, don’t you?”

You were silent, shame eating at your subconscious. “If I ignore it then he won’t have to be like this too.” 

Taeyong sprung up to his feet. “Wake up! He’s out there living his life with no regrets and you’re the one to suffer? I can’t…” He shook his head, shoving his clenched fists into his pockets. “I’m sorry, I just-” With one last shake of his head, Taeyong left you there. The slam of your front door announcing his absence.

Johnny remembered the conversation between the two of you very clearly. He was convinced he still loved you a lot. Just not in the way you need. At first, he thought it was doubt, but as time went on he started to notice the dry tickly cough and the abundance of petals scattered in your trash. He was sure it wasn’t harmful yet, certain that he still held the love in his heart for you. 

Johnny didn’t love Yuki. She was fun. She was different. She wasn’t you. He could spend time with her without any strings attached. It was freeing, knowing he wasn't destined to be with her no matter what. 

He felt guilt at first. He didn’t like lying to you, but it was for his own selfish gain that he did. Johnny had seen Taeyong go through the pain and near death of a soulmate falling out of love, he didn’t want that for himself. Johnny had too much to live for, as arrogant and self-centred as that sounded. 

 He remembered what you said when he gave you the vial of grapeseed oil, how your shaky hands had placed over his own. How you told him it was okay, it wasn’t his fault. But Johnny couldn’t help but think it was. Johnny tried so hard to make himself love you still. Your words of comfort swirled in his mind and kept him up at night. ‘Nobody can help who they do and don’t love. Feelings change, People don’t’ You’d said to him.

Johnny felt ashamed. Being unfaithful to you whilst you still loved him with every ounce of your soul. Deep down, Johnny knew you only had two options he just hoped you made a decision before it was too late. 

Taeyong had been seen by barely anyone all week. It was as if he was attending his classes and then picking up every extra shift or odd job imaginable. The Neos were even more shocked when Mark slapped a flier down on the dining table ping pong table in front of some of the brothers. A for sale flier, advertising their frat leader’s motorcycle. The very same one that he cherished and spent a fortune to modify. 

“Do you think he’s in debt?” Jungwoo frowned, setting his beer on the table. 

That question alone earned a chortled laugh. “Woo, we’re in university. We’re all in debt.” Yuta clapped him on the back. “But, on a serious note, He’s been acting super weird lately.” 

Everyone launched into debate, trying to determine why Taeyong would be selling his pride and joy so suddenly. Conversation ceased when the front door opened and the man in question shuffled into the open-plan living space with an exhausted wave. 

“Ty, are you actually selling the bandit?” The question came from Taeil, Neo frat’s oldest member. 

Taeyong moved through the living area, taking a seat at one of the beanbags littered around the table. “Already sold it.” He bobbed his head in a nod. 

It earned him many concerned looks. “Are you in trouble or something? Are you trying to cover the water bill from when Mark broke the faucet?” 

“No, Jae. I’m not in trouble. It’s not for me.”  He reassured, his voice dying down quietly. “It’s for ____.” 

Everyone stopped. Mark locked his phone, Yuta stopped chipping at his nail polish, and Taeil nearly spat out his beer. Jaehyun and Jungwoo were already staring at him. 

“Why?”

Taeyong took a deep breath, anticipating the question.It didn’t take long for him to catch them up to speed.  “You haven’t noticed? I can’t watch her die. Even if she’s come to terms with it.” 

“She’s not been to class for a few weeks. Professor Choi just straight-up skips over her name now. I’m guessing they know.” Jaehyun hummed. 

“Hm, Jaemin said he saw her last week on his midnight ramen run.” Mark recalled, “Said she looked like something out of living dead.” 

“Mark,” Taeyong gave him a warning look. The younger just shrugged his shoulders. “I’m going to book the operation for her. She doesn’t know. I just need the deposit. After that, it’s monthly payments. I can scrape enough together for the monthly just fine.” He looked pained. “Whenever I see her, it’s like I’m watching myself go through it again.” 

One by one, Jaehyun, Mark, Jungwoo, Yuta, and Taeil offered their help. 

The six of them didn’t make it known what their plans were but soon enough, after Taeyong had put what he had already saved with what the others offered, it was enough. He rocked up to the private medical center, cash in an envelope that was tucked neatly within the inside pocket of his jacket. 

Taeyong was pleasantly surprised that he was allowed to schedule and pay the deposit on your behalf. Acting on best interest. The receptionist did stress that you needed to fill in the form and sign consent upon arrival but Taeyong was more pleased that he was giving you a chance at life. That there was a possibility that you could carry on.

What he didn’t expect, was your immediate refusal when he brought the leaflet and forms over to your apartment the following morning. The smile dropped from his face as you tried to hide away from him.  ‘He could die.’ You’d cried at him. And whilst it had been proven he wouldn't, you were convinced. 

“He won’t, ____.” Taeyong begged. “Please, you can’t just accept this.” The bed dipped as he sat on the edge. The many times he had visited you now, you had always been. The last time you got up to open the door, Taeyong honestly worried that you would pass away right there on the doorstep. He took your spare key after that. 

Taeyong’s gentle fingers lifted the damp wash cloth from the bowl at your bedside, running the cool material over your brow and cheeks. A light smile twitched at the corner of your lips, the sensation easing your fever, only a little but it was better than before. He knew he wasn’t going to get many more words from you this evening. You’d exhausted yourself already for the evening. Taeyong was just content enough to sit here and care for you. 

Honestly, before it was known that you were Johnny’s soulmate, Taeyong had hoped you’d notice him. He had often found himself wishing that it wouldn’t last so he could at least have a shot with you. His hopes were crushed when Johnny had run through the fraternity declaring you were both soulmates. Taeyong had made peace with the idea that maybe he was meant to be alone, satisfied just by seeing you whenever Johnny brought you over to hang out. 

He never wished for this, though. 

Tenderest of touches brushed your hair away from where it had clung to your forehead. Taeyong clicking on the standing fan in an attempt to offer you some cool relief. “Trust me, ____.” He whispered, voice brittle. “I went through this.” His confession had your right eye cracking open. 

“Back in the first year,” Taeyong recalled. “Watching you and Johnny go through this… it’s like a mirror. I nearly died,” He picked up your hand, engulfing it in both of his own. “I refused the operation until it was nearly too late. For the same reason, actually.” 

Your fingers twitched in his own, your index finger hooking around his thumb to offer comfort. You have suspected Taeyong had some close experience with this. Especially in the way he always seemed to understand your pain, the sad gazes, and his drive to help you. You had never expected that he would be the one in your position though. The meer thought had tears welling up in your eyes. You seemed to cry a lot around the man these days. 

“He didn’t die though. Apparently, he just… coughed up the root.” He lifted your hand, the ghosting feeling of his lips against your knuckles. “I promise you, Johnny won’t die… At least think about it.” To which you nodded in agreement. 

Taeyong made you soup, your favorite kind. You weren’t even sure how he knew it was your favorite but he did. He parted from you with a lingering kiss to your hairline. Just like every night. This form of unrequited love seemed to of hurt him more than his last. 

He’d left the forms and leaflets on the empty bed space by your feet.

You’d asked Taeyong not to come over for the last four days. As worried as he was, he had to respect your wishes. You didn’t want him to see your sudden decline as you entered the last stage of the rejection. Meaning, that Johnny had almost fallen completely out of love with you now. 

You were expecting it, Taeyong too. You and Johnny had broken things off the last time you saw each other. Both of you doing so without even having to clarify the matter. He was free. Almost. 

Taeyong had been stressed all week, even his frat brothers had given him a wide berth. Many put it down to the lacrosse game the pending evening. Only a select few really knew that it was because today was the same day Taeyong had scheduled for your surgery. 

He hadn’t known it was the same day as the game, Jungwoo uttering the words with caution the day before. Taeyong swore to himself that he thought he booked it for next week. He didn’t even know if you were going to accept it… Any time he brought it up you tended to change the subject. 

How Taeyong managed to even pass the ball with steady swings amazed even himself, his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. He had nearly skipped the game in favor of being with you, but he knew he couldn’t.  The game had gone smoothly, they were winning by one. In fact, Johnny had to take the penalty shot. 

The whole field waited on bated breath, all eyes on Johnny as he just stood there, his expression morphed in such a way that Taeyong exchanged a look with Jaehyun.

“Seo! Take the damn shot already!” The coach didn’t even get through his ending word before Johnny’s form curled over, knees slamming into the ground. 

Taeyong rushed over as his friend tore off his helmet and spat his mouthguard to the ground. He would worry about that later. Taeyong slid to his knees beside Johnny, his own helmet crashing to the ground out of his grip. 

Johnny had never felt such pain. His airways were burning. The sensation in his chest felt like all the oxygen was being torn from him. The team crowded around him, blocking anyone else's view of the scene.  A choked cough left his throat, a shout of agony following after. Petals. Blood. Stems.  The flower was unwinding itself, pulling at the roots from within his chest and lungs. 

The team managed to maneuver Johnny back to the locker rooms, it took four of them to carry him but soon the male was slumped against the tiles of the showers. Taeyong was beside him once again. “Cough it up Johnny, you’ll do more damage if you don’t.” He tugged Johnny’s arm to sit him forward, his fist thumping down in the center of his back. “Johnny, come on!” 

To say Taeyong was relieved when Johnny finally started coughing again was an understatement. “You gotta carry it on, it’ll hurt but I’ve got you.” He pleaded over the sound of his friend’s cries and chokes. 

Johnny doesn’t know how long he continuously coughed for. All he knew was the last one to shake through his body finally offered him release, Taeyong tugging him away from the mangled mix of plant and blood only to rip him, Johnny, from his shock-induced state by shoving him under the freezing cold shower stream - kit and all. 

A big, clear breath left him. 

“What the fuck, John?” Ten peaked his head around the corner, having raced in after the team to check on his best friend. 

“Dude, that's your flower.” Mark grimaced, crouched down next to the offending object. 

The announcement made Johnny’s spine straighten, and Taeyong hung his head. “What does it mean?” Johnny shakily stood, pressing the button to stop the stream of cold water. 

It was fascinating how Johnny already felt better. He felt no pull in his chest, no weakness even after the whole ordeal. He felt new. But if he felt like this… then what had happened to you? The realization of what had happened weighed heavy on his guilt. 

He turned to address the sort of traumatized, faces around him but it wasn’t him that spoke up. It was Taeyong. “It means I need to find ____.” 

Taeyong had raced past his teammates and into the locker room without any further explanation. His phone cramped between his ear and shoulder as he tugged on his sweats at record speed. “C’mon, Petal. Pick up.” He swore to himself, only removing the device from his ear to throw on a t-shirt from his locker. It was a term of endearment he had taken to calling you of late, though quite often when you were too dazed to notice. 

He ignored the looks of confusion from his friends. Well, from those other than Mark and Jaehyun. From the look on Johnny’s face, he was still piecing things together. Taeyong didn’t have time for that, snatching the keys for the beat-up Honda he had gotten recently and sprinting from the room. 

Taeyong continued to call you on the way to your apartment. He had just hoped you’d gotten yourself to the appointment. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing you like this. He found himself afraid to enter your building, scared of what he may find. His head thumped against the steering wheel, eyes burning with unshed tears. You had to be okay. 

His phone buzzed, body jumped when he saw your name flash on the screen. He swiped to answer, bringing it up to his ear with a relieved sigh. “____.” He listened to your breathing for a split second, registering the steady beeps in the background. 

“Is he alive?” Your tone was filled with urgency but your voice was clearer than Taeyong had heard in weeks. It had a relieved laugh bubbling from his chest, salty droplets cascading down his cheeks and leaving his tear ducts with the tension in him. 

“He’s fine.” He sniffled, rubbing at his face. “ Petal, you’re okay. I tho-” You interrupted him with a soothing call of his name. 

“You were right.” He listened to you pause, the sounds of you sipping through a straw present in the receiver. “There are things I do have to live for.” You spoke quietly. “The first one being myself.” 

He hummed in agreement, starting up the car again. “Yeah? I’ll be there soon and you can tell me all about the second, Petal.” He was rewarded with a breathy laugh. “What?”

“Petal.” You murmured, Taeyong could hear the slumber lingering back into your tone. 

“Get some rest. I’ll be there soon.” He was about to pull the phone away from his ear when you quietly called his name again. 

“Yes?” He hummed, clicking the hands-free and setting the phone into the holder on the dash. 

“Can I tell you my second reason?” 

“What’s that, Petal?” He smiled softly to himself. 

“It’s you.”

©Acescavern - I do not give permission for my works to be copied, translated or reposted

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA screaming. 🫦🫦

HELLO NEIGHBOR . JOHNNY SUH

tw/cw ༝ 0.5k wc, smooth talker johnny, usage of pet names (sweetheart, baby), suggestive, he is so flirty it has me giggling and kicking my feet, making out. if you would like to make me happy just send me johnny fics & pics <333

neighbor! johnny that can be found, hanging out in the front yard, lengthy body glistening in the sun with shades over his eyes, resting on a beach chair with mark and yuta. he watches a moving truck enter the private community, parking in the driveway of the home directly next to his. curiosity peaked, it was a surprise to find you, a rather young looking individual, in a community filled with older ones, moving all your boxes into the house yourself.

neighbor! johnny who shares no hesitance in providing assistance, introducing himself. how could a cute little thing such as yourself be doing this all alone? with a flash of his smile, and a few words, johnny’s charm took its effect. he’s still got it. he’s such a good talker. every hour you spent putting your belongings inside, he’s engaging in conversation, making you laugh and wonder why are guys like this so rare to find? it’s the bare minimum, you tell yourself, forcing your heart and mind to ignore any rushed feelings that might arise for this man.

“what’s your name, sweetheart?” he grins, leaning against the frame of your door. the sun has set, yuta has left, mark had gone inside and all your belongings were safely stored.

he listens carefully, watching your lips move, repeating the name to himself a few times, “well, y/n, i wanna come over tomorrow to help with the rest of this, is that okay?”

neighbor! johnny that keeps his promise of coming over the next day, heading to you as soon as he got off work. you don’t question the absence of mark and yuta, secretly yearning for some time alone. he’ll get you a bottle of liquor he stole from work as a first souvenir for your home, encouraging that you have some together.

“wanna taste?” he’ll joke (not rlly), seething as he swallows and pointing to his lips. they’re lightly coated in the alcohol, resembling a gloss. only making them look more tempting to taste. yes, you think. you want to so so badly but fight every voice that tells you to do so and bite down on your bottom lip, shaking your head with a laugh.

neighbor! johnny who encourages you to succumb to your urges, trapping you in the corner of your kitchen. your back is pressed against the counter, breath rate on the rise as you could feel his body heat surround your space. it’s criminal how good he smells.

“come on, just a taste,” he’ll grin. stop. don’t make that face, “i promise i won’t bite, baby.” fuck it.

neighbor! johnny that finally gets to mold his lips against yours, one hand finding loose placement around your neck whilst the other digs under your shirt, squeezing desperately at the skin. it’s funny, really. how quick you’ve got him ready to touch you in ways that no other person has and how quick you’re whining under his lanky frame, making him wonder how long its been since someone has had you like this. his lips nibble up the skin of your jaw, reaching the sensitive skin of your ear, “let’s take this back to my place.”

© choiwonder ༝ do not copy, translate, modify or repost any of my work on any platform, or claim it as your own.

He was addictive

Johnny x reader

Summary: You felt like you have loved Johnny since forever. But why would he like you back? So you opted to simply stay friends with him.

Warnings: mentions of drugs

Genre: Angst

Word count: 1k (1047 words)

A/N: I suggest you listen to  “ High Enough - K.Flay (RAC Remix) // slowed.” as i got a lot of inspiration from it!

~~~~~~~~~~            

The car the two of you were in slowed down and eventually came to a stop. You glanced at him and back at the beautiful scenery in front of you. In all honestly, you couldn’t decide who was more beautiful. Him or the scenery.  

You both opened the car doors, leaving them open so that the music you played could be heard outside too. You were alone there, so it’s not like you would disturb anyone else. The sweet ambience of the music paired with the sound of the wind and nature made you relax, as you leaned on the windshield, Johnny didn’t mimic your actions, which gave you the chance to stare at his back.

You had admitted it to yourself long ago. You liked him. No, scratch that, you loved him. But how could you not? Literally everyone liked him for obvious reasons. He is so kind, so fun to be around, so understanding. As his longtime friend, you got to know him even better than what others did and you obviously fell deeper for him.

What he thought was awkward, cringy or a flaw was the thing you adored the most about him. You loved how he acted around people he doesn’t know well, you loved how he wasn’t afraid to show who he really is when he was around his closest friends, you loved how he wasn’t afraid to show vulnerability when he was around you. You loved every side of him.

He was sweet and caring to everyone, but it still made you feel a certain type of way when he acted like that to you. You have experienced so many things with Johnny, he has seen you at your best and your worst. You have seen him at his best and worst too. But other than you, he had other close friends too, who have also seen all his sides.

But how does he always make you feel unique? It’s the way he pays his undivided attention to you when you speak. It’s the way he holds you close when you feel broken. It’s the way he smiles at you, the way he laughs at your jokes.

You’re not sure when you fell for him, but it feels like it had always been like this. Being away from him always made you sad. It didn’t simply make you sad, it hurt you. Johnny was like a drug to you. No actual drug could make you feel so high, as when you were around him. He was addictive and you couldn’t help but constantly want to be around him.

People have needs and have to fulfill them. Just like the need for food, people search for the best product that will fulfill it. If they can’t afford the best one, they turn to lower quality products that could at least fulfill a part of their needs. Similarly, you tried dating other people. But they were all low quality products. You will never feel fully satisfied unless you get the highest quality product. To you, Johnny was the highest quality product.

You could never see anyone other than him. To you, it was only him, him, him. He was always your priority. Over almost anyone else and if someone made you choose between him and another important to you person, you’d split yourself into two just to make sure you were there for the both of them. You just can’t put anyone over Johnny.

You were his priority too. One of his priorities at least. He would try to split himself in order to be there for you too. But… knowing that you’d still forgive him if he didn’t choose you, you’d probably tell him prioritize others over you. Prioritize those he was more afraid of losing. Because he wasn’t afraid of losing you. It’s not that he took you for granted, it’s just that he knew how much you cared for him.

But if he knew, wouldn’t he have realized that you had feelings for him by now? You don’t know if he chooses to ignore them for the sake of your friendship or because he is oblivious, but you believe that it was most likely that he ignored them. He probably knew that if he brought it up, it would ruin the dynamics of your friendship.

Because, let’s be honest, Johnny could never see you the way you see him. He is too perfect and you’re too average. So you decided it’s better to have him in your life as a friend than not have him at all and get rejected.

“Did you ever hear a thing of what I said?” Johnny joked and you finally stopped daydreaming. “No, I’m sorry I was deep in thought.” You said shaking your head.

“I figured,” he chuckled and took a good look at you, who was staring at the scenery in front of you.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” he said and you waved a hand dismissively. “It’s nothing, what were you talking about?”

“No no, missy, we are gonna talk about this. Seriously, what’s on your mind?”

You sighed. You can’t tell him. You can’t tell him that all that has been in your mind was him. That it was you hoping you’d ever get to kiss his pretty pink lips. That you’ll one day be able to taste them. You can’t tell him that you’ve been thinking of the two of you together, him not seeing anyone other than you just like how you do for him.

Oh, how you wished you were the water bottle he held in his hand, slowly raising to his lips. When he offered you some, you refused, but then cursed at yourself for missing a chance of an indirect kiss. But it’s not like you two never share bottles, so you’ll have this chance again in the future.

You opt for the easy way out, telling him you’re just stressed about a few responsibilities you had to take care of, but that it will go away and that he has no reason to worry. He doesn’t seem to believe you, but he lets it go for the moment and you go back to your daydreaming as soon as he turns his gaze away from you.

Do I Wanna Know?

This is the first Johnny and Essie fic that I’ve written officially, and I was greatly challenged by my first audience who happens to be my childhood best friend to do this. According to the postscript of my draft, this was quite taxing to write. 

I wasn’t that in love with Johnny yet when I wrote this last year, hence that reaction. But it’s a whole new different story now. How can I not fall in love with him looking at me like that in the GIF?!

I hope you enjoy this dramatic piece, and then we’ll get to the point where they finally get together with the help of their other best friend. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

–––

Summary: Best friends Johnny and OC (or are they still?) become awkward with each other when he confesses his love to her. Despite their situation, they manage to talk to avoid conflict with their other best friend, since they don’t want to ruin their friendship with him. 

POV: 2nd person. I switch between this and 3rd person a lot. 

Word count: 1,300 + words

Genre: Romance, Angst, Hurt 

Warning: You get to meet other idols in this fic too and another OC who I hinted at in my Preface post. I hope you like their presence here! 

Recommended listening: Of course, ‘Do I Wanna Know?’ by the Arctic Monkeys (which Johnny has also mentioned in NNN), and ‘In My Place’ by Coldplay (which is Johnny’s favorite band). In short, both songs are highly recommended by the man! 

–––

It has been two weeks since you and Johnny talked.

You weren’t used to not messaging or calling him daily, but what happened between the two of you was something you haven’t fully processed yet.

He admitted that he likes you more than just a friend. And if you were just completely honest with yourself, you know that you like him in that same way too.

You looked at the phone in your hand, its screen still black. No one was messaging or calling you. When you and Johnny were talking, your screen was bright and alive with his presence.

He often called to share whatever he was doing so he wouldn’t lose his English speaking ability. On the other hand, you called him usually in the wee hours of the morning so the stray dogs that litter the streets won't distract you. You were glad that he always picked up the phone when you needed him the most, but now you can’t say the same.

You sighed, looking around the apartment for something to do. Nini and Jongin were out at a charity event, probably painting newly-built houses in an impoverished community. Taemin was busy as always with his dancing, and Mark was out of town. Who can you bother today? You searched your phone for your contacts until it landed on Key’s name.

Of course, Kibum. The fabulous brother that you and Johnny never had. But now that you and Johnny aren’t on speaking terms (still), how can you invite Key to hang out? He knows that you function well as a trio, and it feels incomplete without one or the other. You were afraid to call Key, for he might be out with his other friends or – the ultimate top 10 anime betrayal – he’s with Johnny.

As you exited the contacts on your phone, it rang. You didn’t answer it first since you wanted to listen to the ringtone he assigned his number to. The first verses of ‘Do I Wanna Know?’ by the Arctic Monkeys sent shivers to your spine, as you thought of Johnny doing those things to you.

Oh God, he might be on to something then when he set this on my phone ages ago, you thought. Maybe that was the time he realized his feelings for you, while you still hid yours deep in the recesses of your heart.

When the song reached the chorus, you finally answered.

“Hello, Johnny?”

“Hey, Essie,” he mumbled. You could imagine him slumped against a wall, one of his hands deep in his hoodie’s pocket.

“What can I do for you?” You tried to sound casual, but it didn’t come across that way. You felt you were on the verge of tears.

“Hey, I know this is hard…not just for you, but also for me but…do you mind if I drop by your house tonight? So we can talk?” His voice mirrored yours, and you couldn’t help but bite your lip on how painful it is to hear him like this.

“Sure, Johnny, please do,” was all you can say before he hung up. The tears have already spilled on your face, and you had to stifle your scream on a pillow to let it all out.

///

He brought your favorite food: kimchi and ice cream. You were speechless, not expecting that he’ll bring anything to his visit tonight. He spoiled you a lot, whether that’s getting you food or giving you random gifts that he thinks you’ll like. You had to remind yourself that things weren’t what they were, and maybe he did this out of respect or etiquette.

You didn’t know where to start once the both of you settled on your respective seats – you on the couch and him on the bean bag across you. “So, what do you want to talk about first?” You asked, arms clutching the pillow you cried onto tighter.

“Well...you know we’re La Fabuleux Escouade with Kibum. And he doesn’t know what I did…to you. And I don’t know how we can retain our dynamic…” He was fiddling with his thumbs while he said this, looking away from your stare.

You found it amusing that the two of you were on the same wavelength, as you were already thinking about how you can bring this up to Kibum.

“I know what you mean, but what if we…pretend that nothing happened?” You suggested, not really thinking it through. You know that you don’t want that – you want the two of you to be more than okay, and Key will be there for you guys through sickness and health.

You saw him flinch at your answer but then composed himself as it was his turn to look at you. “Nothing…happened? Just like that?” His quavering voice made you nervous that he might do something he will regret.

“I don’t know, Johnny! What do you think we should do?” You didn’t hide the frustration in your voice anymore.

“Haven’t you thought about it? The words I said? The possibility of us?” Johnny was now standing in front of you, tears about to fall from his face.

“I really don’t know, Johnny! We already have such a good friendship!” You were now standing as well, glaring at his face.

“You know we can take it further! A good friendship leads to a good relationship, haven’t you heard that?” He was looking down on you, his expression a mix of anger and hurt.

You stopped glaring and let your shoulders droop, eyes now looking at the carpeted floor.

“I really don’t know if I’m ready to take that next step, Johnny,” you whispered. “I’m scared that we might never be the same again…”

There was a moment of silence for both of you to process your feelings. You thought he was going to hit you or leave, but he did neither. What he did was something you’d expect him to do: he pulled you close to him and wiped your tears.

“We can try, Essie…please?” He asked, lowering his head so that your foreheads can touch. You shut your eyes at this intimate contact, and it was as if the whole apartment could hear your heart beating.

“Can you give me a bit more time?” You broke off from his hug, gently placing his arms beside him. You gave him a small smile, this time firm with your words.

Maybe that’s it. I’m not yet ready, but I can be with him if I want to at my own time.

“How long shall I wait?” He grabbed your hands to him, squeezing it gently. It seemed he couldn’t get enough of you after he embraced you, as his hands always found its way around you.

“That I can’t say, but it won’t be long? Just…not now. I need more time to think,” you let go of his hands, pushing them back to his side harshly this time. You couldn’t look at him, for fear that you won’t like what you’ll see in his eyes.

You felt that you were leading him on, but at the same time, you were sure that you can start something with him, maybe someday.

“Okay, Essie, if that’s what you say. I’ll wait,” he murmured. You remained standing at your spot, eyes never leaving the floor. You only heard his footsteps, until you couldn’t anymore.

He left you without saying anything. You had to understand why he did that, and maybe you did. If you were in his position, you’ll feel hurt as well.

Now that you were able to process your emotions a bit, the hard part comes when the three of you would get together eventually.

The two of you are an awkward mess, and Kibum has to set things straight, or else LBF is no more.

–––

FIN

Cool Off (Part I)

I’m back with a depressing piece that has two parts. Why am I doing this to you, guys? 

I have already saved this in my drafts before I went off Tumblr, hence the decision to push through with it first. 

Don’t worry; I’ll balance it out with more uplifting stories. I’ve done it before, right?

I hope you enjoy despite the possible heavy feeling you might get from this. Poor Johnny, that’s all I can say. But he looks hot in this GIF, so consider this as the calm before the storm. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: We already know the major challenge that Johnny and Essie had in their relationship, but what if one of them decided that maybe they need a cool off? This is my take on that, with one of them becoming miserable with the other’s decision and disappearance. 

POV: This was written before the lockdown last March and edited just recently, so it’s a 3rd person piece. 

Word count: 1,300 words 

–––

It was not easy for Johnny to come to the conclusion that Essie wanted. 

“I think it’s for the best,” she whispered, letting go of her hand that was in Johnny’s grip. “We need a break. We have hurt each other in the same way, and we need to think about everything.”

“Isn’t talking about it enough?” he asked with tears in his eyes. “I mean, we have a psychiatrist that we can talk to as well. Or we can get a couple counselor or whatever.” 

“That will be part of the process, but John, I think we should go our separate ways for a while.” Her tone was firm yet gentle, but it registered more like the former for him. 

“But you might leave me for good.” It took him a lot to say that statement, which was evident with his shaky voice. 

“But you did leave me. You entertained an ex-girlfriend and got flirty with her,” Essie’s tone was becoming more serious, and it was scaring him.

“But baby, you cheated on me with my best friend. And I bet you fucked,” he retaliated as he wiped the tears that continued to fall from his eyes. 

“I’m sure you did the same,” she sounded completely cold now. “Why don’t you understand where I’m coming from?” 

“I’m trying, but we can do this together, you know?” Johnny ran his hands through his hair to calm himself, but it did nothing to what he was feeling. 

There was a moment of silence between the (soon-to-be ex-) couple before Essie stood up. “I’m going to pack some of my belongings and return here in a month or two. Please don’t do anything to my stuff. I will let you know when I’ll be back. If you don’t hear anything from me, then that should tell you something.” 

She stormed to her bedroom and slammed the door with such force that made Johnny clutch on his chest. 

This hurt him too much. He really did not want to get back on what Essie did, but there was an opportunity for her to feel what he felt when she cheated on him with Jaehyun. 

However, he wasn’t expecting her reaction to it. She was indifferent and started to distance herself from him again. When he confronted her, she thought that having an indefinite break would help them to think about their actions. 

“Why is it that you’re the one who’s angry at the situation?” He said while facing Essie’s door, tears still streaming down his face. “Even if I wanted to get mad for what you did, I can’t force myself to do so. I don’t know what would happen if I let my rage control me. All I can process is hurt, baby.” 

He didn’t mind if he heard her. The door was still closed but opened when he retreated to his room to cry himself to sleep. 

///

It has been a month, two weeks, and three days that Essie left their apartment. Johnny was trying his best to act his usual cheery self, but all his friends can see his struggle. 

“You don’t have to force yourself to be happy if you aren’t, hyung,” Doyoung said, patting his shoulder. The younger guy, along with Mark and Ten, comforted him after their dinner. They noticed that he was on the verge of tears when he heard one of her favorite songs at the restaurant. 

“But this is too much, man,” the tears spilled again, which Johnny wiped immediately, “I still haven’t heard anything from her. And I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to Jay now.” 

“I can’t believe she would do this,” Ten muttered, rubbing circles on Johnny’s back. “But just let it all out, hyung. I think she had a point that you both needed space.” 

“Maybe it’s time for you to think how you’ve been treating her too,” Mark piped in, who focused his gaze on his shoes.

“I have been nothing but the best boyfriend, Mark Lee,” Johnny snapped, glaring at the younger guy. “I don’t know why she would do this to me when really, we could just talk it out.” 

“Maybe both of you need to reflect on your thoughts and actions first before you talk it out?” Doyoung suggested, one hand rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 

“Yeah, maybe that’s that,” Mark said again, “Maybe that’s where she’s coming from. Collect all your thoughts first before you talk it out. Maybe one of you can say things that you’d regret if you don’t calm yourselves.”

“Think about that, hyung,” Ten whispered, whose hand now squeezed Johnny’s forearm. 

“All I can think about is her. Every time I close my eyes, I see her beautiful face. I wonder where she is right now. Is she staying with Nini or with another friend? I wonder if she’s doing okay. I hope whoever she’s staying with treats her well. I wonder if she’s eating well too. I wonder if she’s not hurting herself. Oh God, I hope she doesn’t. I can’t imagine her bleeding on the floor again,” Johnny was babbling, which his friends let him. 

They stayed the whole night until they were able to calm him down. When they tucked him into bed, the three guys hung out at the couch to share their thoughts on the situation. 

“It’s depressing to see him like that,” Doyoung said quietly, who was now fiddling with his thumbs. “I agree,” Ten said, looking at Johnny’s bedroom door forlornly. 

“I know, but both parties have their faults,” Mark started, “Essie noona confided in me about her affair, and to be honest, I was at a loss on what to do. I never expected her to do that.” 

The other two gasped, looking at each other in shock. “The nerve of that girl!” Ten held onto his chest as he tried his best to calm down. “Wow, I never thought that she would get into an affair, and with Jaehyun too,” Doyoung grumbled, focusing his gaze on the floor. 

“It was a lot to take in, guys,” the youngest of them all continued, “and it was heartbreaking to see them cry a lot. Oh God, I hope I’ll never have another encounter like that.” He looked at the ceiling to help clear his mind from the vivid images he recalled – the blood on her blanket, Johnny’s eyes all red and puffy from crying, and the smoke ring he blew right into his face as he questioned his motives.

“I hope so too, Mark,” Doyoung whispered, patting his friend’s thigh. “But not all relationships are perfect indeed. Let’s take their story as a lesson and hope that we’ll not do this to our partners.”

Ten gave him a thumbs-up before standing up. “Let’s call it a night, shall we?” The other guys nodded and went to their designated rooms – Mark was going to share his with the Thai hyphenate while Doyoung will sleep in Essie’s former bedroom. 

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to sleep here?” The black-haired guy pointed his thumb to the pink door. “Yeah, it’s okay. Any of our rooms become a guest room when one of us is out for a while,” Mark said matter-of-factly. 

“And if Johnny says you sleep there, then you do. Unless…” Ten flashed Doyoung a cheeky smile, which made the older guy flip the bird on him. “Real mature there, Chittaphon!” He hissed, sticking his tongue out in annoyance. 

“Guys, stop. It’s late, and we want Johnny hyung to have a good night’s sleep.” Mark’s statement made his two companions shut up and went straight to their rooms. 

If only they knew that despite being surrounded by his favorite stuffed toys, Johnny couldn’t sleep with Essie still on his mind.

–––

FIN

Cool Off (Part II)

After the giggles come the tears again, and here is the second and final installment of this brief series. 

Expect a lot of depressing music here too, so if you’re up for those, I hope you’ll like my recommendations. 

Here's a photo of a young Johnny playing in front of the piano as a fitting teaser.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: Read Johnny cope with Essie’s short-lived disappearance as he sings the most heartbreaking songs that she loves. 

POV: Keeping it up with 3rd person. 

Word count: 943 words 

Warning: There’s nothing that you haven’t read yet in other stories, but Italics are for thoughts and lyrics. Mostly the latter though, because I went ham with that one. 

Recommended listening: The titles of the songs are mentioned in the story, so I’ll add them at the end of the story for your listening. Feel free to suggest songs of the same caliber – I would appreciate it so much! 

–––

Since Essie hasn’t returned from her self-imposed exile, Johnny has been on his piano a lot. He usually played depressing hits late at night, probably during times when he couldn’t fall asleep due to the situation. Although Mark hears him play from the comfort of his room, this time he was able to catch his hyung hunched over the keyboard in the living room as he sang his heart out to ‘The Songwriter’ by Father John Misty.

What would it sound like if you were the songwriter

And you made your living off of me?

It was heartbreaking to see Johnny struggle with his performance, whether he was aware that someone was watching him or not. Mark bit his lip as he watched his housemate from a dark corner, crossing his arms repeatedly until he felt comfortable with his position.

Goodbye little songbird, now you’re free

Don’t forget I’m the only fan of yours who has the sense to ever leave you be

How could do this to me?

That last line broke the older guy as he stopped playing and cried for what seemed like an eternity. Mark was glued to his spot, trying not to cry with his hyung.

Never has he seen Johnny so broken over someone, and he wished that Essie would come back soon. However, even if she does come back, it would either be to resume the relationship or cut it off completely. He hoped that it was the former because Johnny will never be the same again.

What would it sound like if you were the songwriter

And loving me was your unsung masterpiece?

The six-footer stood up after finishing the song and returned to his room. It was Mark’s cue to return as well, and he found it hard to sleep after hearing that soul-crushing song.

It got more depressing after that – Johnny sang ‘Without You’ by Tobias Jesso Jr. at three in the morning, which the younger guy remembered was the most straightforward depressing song Essie ever heard. Maybe that’s why he’s playing it, he thought while he lay on his bed.

Why can’t you just love me?

Should I move on or should I wait?

And how’d you get so high above me?

I reach higher every day

But nothing changes

No, it all just stays the same

Mark heard his hyung’s voice break when the chorus came, and he couldn’t help but cover his ears a bit out of secondhand embarrassment and hurt.

I can hardly breathe without you

There is no future I want to see without you

I just don’t know who I would be without you

There is nothing out there for me without you

Without you

Once Johnny was done playing, his crying was the next sound that permeated the whole apartment.

The last song that Mark heard from his hyung before Essie returned was ‘The Ultracheese’ by the Arctic Monkeys, which he knew the couple adored. The band was one of the things that brought them closer, and it was during their concert that Johnny realized he was in love with Essie.

The song was not as depressing as the previous ones, but it still sounded painful as the older guy sang with all his hurt.  

Still got pictures of friends on the wall

I suppose we aren’t really friends anymore

Maybe I shouldn’t ever have called that thing friendly at all

This time, Johnny was able to compose himself and not let his emotions get to the best of his singing. Mark closed his eyes to savor his hyung’s rendition since it was not always he heard him cover a song like this.

Oh, the dawn won’t stop weighing a tonne

I’ve done some things that I shouldn’t have done

But I haven’t stopped loving you once

The croon at the end made the song more melancholic than it is, and the sole audience made his presence known by clapping loudly.

Johnny whipped his head to look at Mark, who was silently crying as he continued to clap. “That was amazing, hyung,” he said, slowly approaching the performer.

“Thanks, dude,” Johnny whispered, looking away from the younger guy. “I miss her so much. I wish she’ll come back now.”

“She will. You’ve just got to be patient.”

“It’s been almost two months, Mark Lee. I’m worried that she has moved on with another person. She should let me know if we’re going to continue this or not, you know?”

Johnny’s voice was starting to break again, and Mark went to his side to comfort him.

“I’m sure she will. Maybe she’ll be back tonight. I can feel it.”

His words proved to be true as the girl returned a bit past after midnight, reeking of cigarette smoke.

Mark was speechless as she popped into his room first and asked him what had happened since then.

“Noona, I’m happy you’re back and all, but please don’t cause any more trouble to your relationship with Johnny hyung by talking to me first,” he said, hoping that his honesty will not be taken against him.

“I’m sorry, Marky. But I wanted to return with a surprise. Is he asleep now?”

He took a deep breath first before responding. “Please, noona. You can surprise him now if you want. I’m sure he would be happier if he was the person you talked to.”

“Sheesh, no need to be grumpy with me, Mark,” she chuckled. “And I’m sorry again for this. Okay then, I might as well surprise him now. Thank you.” With that, she went to Johnny’s room, and they made up for lost time with tears and snuggles.

–––

FIN

Studies on Tension (Part II)

The follow-up to this piece is now here, and of course, I can’t resist a fierce-looking (or in other words, intimidating) Johnny GIF to start it off. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: Aside from what has been mentioned, this is also a piece that I wrote inspired by the prompt list created by @neoculturedrabbles​.

POV: 3rd person here. 

Word count: 950 words 

–––

Prompt #4: I had a dream we were dating.

Johnny spotted Essie lying on the couch still in her work clothes. She was scrolling through her phone while hugging a throw pillow, oblivious to anyone who might see her. 

He had just finished cooking, and he didn’t notice the arrival of his housemate. Sometimes, Essie liked to be sneaky to both him and Mark and surprise them with her presence without saying a word.

“Hey, Essie,” he started, slowly approaching her. He wasn’t sure if she was in a good mood or no,t but it pays to be cautious when she had just arrived from work. She can get quite snappy when asked the wrong questions. 

“Hey, John,” she said, not looking up from her phone. She was intent on reading whatever was on the screen and barely moved from her position at all.

“I just cooked dinner. Would you like to eat now?” He crouched down to her level, tilting her phone a bit so she could see his face. She blinked in return, and she sat up a moment later. 

“What did you cook?” She straightened her skirt and wiggled her legs a bit before standing up. “Our favorite: Mexican food. Come see it for yourself,” This time, he led her to the dining table by holding her wrist.

She had no violent reaction to this – in fact, she looked at the back of his head with an inscrutable expression. 

Essie remembered the dream she had recently, and what he did was giving her déjà vu. It was as if a part of that dream replayed tonight as he held her wrist to lead her somewhere.

When she saw he cooked burritos and quesadillas, she sighed contentedly. “Aw, Johnny! You have just satisfied my Mexican food craving with this!” 

“That’s great to hear! Shall we dig in?” He gestured for her to sit in her usual seat, which she did and dug in with gusto to the dishes he prepared. 

While they ate, he found her silence a bit disturbing. Usually, they conversed about everything while eating dinner. It was one of his favorite parts of the day since they get to air out their concerns, discuss current events, and just get to know each other better. 

They have been best friends for over a year now, and they have been housemates for more than six months. It wouldn’t hurt if their relationship becomes closer than that, right? 

“You know, Youngho…I had a dream we were dating,” Essie said after an awkward moment of silence.

“Oh? What did we do there?” This got Johnny’s interest as he almost bumped his body into the table to be closer to her. 

“Nothing much, it’s almost the same as the things we do regularly. However, there was one instance that you held my wrist and led me to places you wanted us to see. It reminded me of what you did earlier, to be honest…” Her voice faltered at the end, and he saw that she attempted to hide her flushed face from him with her shoulder. 

“Okay... I mean, I do that to you regularly? Sometimes, I even hold your hand when I want you to see some things, and you move like the slowpoke that you are,” that got him a glare, “but what else did you dream about us…dating?”

It took Essie a while to answer, as she chewed her lip on how best to continue her story. 

“Well, that’s it. Just the way you held my wrist reminded me of that.”

“Didn’t we kiss there? Or even hug? I do hug you almost every day, but how about kissing? Wait, I do kiss you, but not in that sense, though!” Johnny became a blubbering mess, and the girl sitting across him covered her red face with her hands. 

“Oh dear, he made a big deal out of it. I should’ve kept my mouth shut,” she grumbled, peeking at him through the spaces in between her fingers. He was still babbling about what he does as her best friend.

“Come to think of it, the things I do for you border on what a boyfriend can do for his partner.” His realization made Essie groan. 

“So, what does that mean then?” She asked eventually, her face once again covered by her clammy hands.

“I don’t know, should we try dating? I mean, if you’re up to it?” 

It was incredible at how Johnny stayed calm and collected while asking questions that can make or break a moment. 

“Are you serious?” The girl’s voice bordered on hysterics, which she downplayed by coughing afterward.

“If you are, then sure. After all, isn’t that the next course of action when a girl and a boy became best friends with each other?” 

Essie looked at his face and saw that he was indeed serious with his words. “Please forget I talked about this,” she mumbled, eating the rest of her burrito with her head bowed. 

Although their conversation about her dream ended awkwardly, Johnny felt a mixture of hurt and disappointment that his best friend didn’t think of leveling up their relationship. 

He wouldn’t mind dating her since they know so much about each other already, but if she doesn’t feel the same, he felt like a fool for suggesting that they get together. 

Why do girl-boy friendships can be so complicated? Why is there a likely possibility that they fall for each other? There are three outcomes from that scenario – first, they can remain friends; second, they can become a couple; and third, their friendship is no more.

He hoped that they don’t end up as the last option.

––

FIN

Sugar and Fluff (Volume 3)

This is not the usual edition of this series, as this focuses more on the tension between Johnny and Essie before becoming a couple. 

The stories are still sweet and fluffy, but at the same time, it isn’t. Anyway, here’s Johnny rocking the keyboard as a hint on what to expect for today’s post. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: I think I’ve already said what you need to know, but I’d like to move what I usually mention at the Warning header that italics are for thoughts and italic and bold are for lyrics.  Both videos of the song mentioned will be embedded below for your listening pleasure. You can also click the link of the song in the second part if you’re not into the video, but why would you miss one of the cutest MVs of all time? Just kidding, guys. 

POV: 2nd person for both 

Word count: 1,800+ words 

–––

I. Because Johnny playing the piano will always be iconic

There were times you missed playing the piano.

You and Nini used to go home late from school because you took piano lessons. However, you weren’t able to move past the first grade as you eventually found it difficult to play. Reading notes past beyond the staff and figuring out how to play half notes made you lose your interest since it took you time to figure it out on the keys. Nini was able to finish the program and could still play a complicated piece if asked to.

Now that you were living with Johnny and Mark (who was unfortunately abroad again), you were delighted to see that he had a piano at his place. Not only does he have the classical instrument, but he also has an organ in the corner of his bedroom.

One time, you asked him to play after a long day at work. “Play some for me, Johnny,” you asked, tapping the side of the instrument.

He was lounging on the sofa, watching a video on his phone. “Come again, baby?” He said, briefly looking up at you. “Can you play the piano for me?” You sat down beside him and even leaned toward his face to show how much you wanted it.

“Hey, what’s up?” He sat up straight and examined your face. You don’t usually ask him to play the piano unless you were not feeling well or you needed added stimuli for sleep.

“I don’t feel so well,” you whispered, looking away from him. “Why? What happened?” You heard him come closer to you, the fabric of his pants and the sofa cover rustling together.

“I’m not comfortable telling yet,” you responded as he held your hands. “Okay baby, I’ll wait for that,” he squeezed your hands first, “but now I’ve got to fulfill your request.”

He went to the piano and you watched him prepare, wiggling his fingers first before he placed them over ebony and ivory keys.

When you heard the iconic introduction of Alicia Keys’s ‘If I Ain’t Got You’, you stifled a sob.

It brought back memories of your childhood playing the piano – after all, she was the person who inspired you to play.

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't got you baby

If I ain't got you baby

He sang, which made you more emotional. It has been a while since you heard him sing again. You went to his side and sang along with him.

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain't got you, yeah

You looked at each other as you finished the chorus, then gave each other the most genuine smiles you could muster.

It was a beautiful moment that both of you would treasure – you even mentioned it during your wedding speech!

Even though you know you don't have a great singing voice, you did your best to give justice to the song. You believed that you harmonized well with Johnny, who was giving more than his best self to execute the song.

If I ain’t got you with me, baby

So nothing in this whole world don’t mean a thing

If I ain’t got you with me, baby

As the song ended, Johnny looked at you expectantly. “That…was good, right?” He asked carefully and a little out of breath since he used more of his singing voice today.

You nodded, flashing him a grin. “Yeah, that was great. Can’t believe we harmonized so well,” you said, taking a seat beside him on the stool.

He laughed at your comment and looped an arm around your waist. “I hope that made you feel better,” he whispered, his mouth too close to your ears and neck.

Shivers went down your spine with his words, but you didn’t let him make you weak. You leaned forward and whispered back, “Yes, it did. Thank you, Johnny.”

His other arm snaked around you, and now you were enveloped in his embrace. You settled your head on his shoulder, and he did the same.

“You know I’m always here for you, right?” He murmured against your ear, making you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Yes, I know. And I’m so grateful for that.” You had to pull away a bit to look at his face, and he made a kissing face.

You know you wanted to kiss him back, but you know that you shouldn’t. You nuzzled his neck in response, which made him giggle. “Not there!” He whined as he squeezed your sides. You yelped when he pinched too hard and attempted to bite his shoulder.

You were in a playful mood after getting your emotional side out of your system, which Johnny shared as well.

You moved your tickling game at the couch wherein you laughed, cried, kicked, and bit each other. Once both of you were tired, you stared into each other’s eyes while you embraced.

“I missed moments like this,” Johnny started, one of his hands now stroking your hair.

“Same here,” you replied, one of your hands cupping his face.

You two were so close that people thought you were dating. You had to correct people that you aren’t – you told them that you were so comfortable with him that you can be really intimate with him at times. You didn’t know if he said the same thing to other people though.

There were instances that your closeness made you feel things – you just wanted to kiss him, cradle him in your arms, or even do it with him. You had to fight it because you were not sure if he felt the same.

You wanted to say something, but the words left your mouth. You looked at him lovingly, wishing that something will come out of your intimacy. He sensed your longing and pecked you on the lips.

It was very brief that you weren’t able to process it. You blinked when he pulled away, making him giggle at your reaction. “Aw, you’re so cute Essie,” he said, pinching your nose. You glared at him in return, and he soothed the part he pinched.

“I love you,” he said, his face glowing with warmth.

The words came out of your mouth without any hesitation: “I love you too.”

Those three words may seem romantic, but they can still mean differently – either they mean he loves you more than you think or he loves you just as his best friend.

You wondered what he meant by that.

\\\

II. Inspired by my favorite Regina Spektor song

When Essie realized she was in love with Johnny Suh, she knew she was screwed.

She had a lot of guy friends who were close to her, but they did not reach the level she had with the Chicago native.

They were quite intimate – they had skinship similar to that of a couple. People often thought that they were dating, which they either pretended to be (at times to fend off creeps) or dismissed.

Sometimes, she had to hold herself back from touching him. She knew other people would make comments behind their back about the way she massaged his hand when she was bored, or when her hand absentmindedly ran across his chest down to his waist when she was comforting him.

But that was how they were. In return, Johnny liked to hug her and bury his face in the crook of her neck, as if he was kissing it. There were instances that he did – just a simple peck. That wasn’t romantic, right?

However, these gestures were getting to her. The topics they were discussing lately were about relationships and what they would like to see in their ideal partner.

Essie noticed that he was taking notes. When she talked about how she would love it if her dream guy would get her tickets to any one of her favorite performers at a show abroad and watch it with her, he made it happen a week later.

He dragged her to the airport at 3 a.m. on a Thursday so they could fly to Peru and watch Franz Ferdinand later in the evening. They spent two days and three nights, resulting in a memo from her office when she got back. It was a surprise that made her feel loved and terrified at the same time.

Whenever people did something for her, she appreciated it. Truly, madly, and deeply, like the song goes. But she was terrified at how her heart beat loudly against her chest when he held her hand, gripped it tightly, and looked at her straight in the eyes as he led her closer to the stage of the concert they were watching.

“Aren’t I a step ahead of your ideal partner?” He said while the strumming of an electric guitar echoed in the open night.

She cocked her head at him, gesturing him to repeat what he said. He laughed in response and patted her shoulder. “Never mind,” he mouthed as he continued to hold her hand.

In fact, she heard him loud and clear. But she didn’t expect his words. She was rendered speechless by it.  

As she currently watched Johnny furiously typing away on his phone at the other end of the sofa, she reevaluated her feelings for the nth time.

They were living together for the past three months, along with their friend Mark. Her apartment, which she shared with Nini, was under repair. It was her part of the house that needed repairs, making Nini stay behind and watch over the process.

Essie was lucky that Johnny immediately offered his apartment, which had another spare room. When she moved in, she was shocked that he made it a replica of her room. She found it creepy at first but then grew to love it each day. It was sweet, very sweet, of Johnny Suh to do this.

He has always been sweet, if not smooth, for the duration of their friendship.

His actions must tell her something by now, right? But no, she could also be the densest person in the world.

“Hey, baby. Are you okay?” Johnny broke her reverie, glancing at her worried face before going back to his phone.

“Yeah…I am,” she responded slowly, her eyes looking for something to distract herself with (other than him, duh). “I’m just…at a loss.”

“What do you mean?” This got his attention as he shoved his phone in his pocket, moving closer to her at the other end of the couch.

“I…I don’t know what to do,” Essie whispered, looking at her palms this time.  

“Hey, what’s up, really?” She could feel the warmth of his body near her, and she closed her eyes when he wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her toward his chest.

“Johnny…” she mumbled, burying her neck on her shoulder. Her left arm hooked around his waist while her right gripped the fabric of her dress tightly.

“Baby…” Those words were enough to make her weep.

Why must you make me feel this way?

–––

FIN

Down

We all have these moments when we’re not ourselves – we feel lost, uninspired, bothered, and plenty of others. Those are not good feelings to have, but we feel them from time to time. 

Since idols are humans like us, they do have these moments too. However, they don’t put it on display and try their best to appear as positive role models all the time. 

But what if? Yes, we’re getting there, but not to the extreme. I hope you’ll enjoy this short contemplative piece. 

Here’s a blonde Johnny looking adorable and wistful at the same time in this GIF. I’m sure you guys have watched this Awsaz episode already! Have you?

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: Johnny has a sudden moment of sadness, and Essie does her best to cheer him up. Did she succeed, or did she make him feel bad? Yes, I like asking questions a lot. 

POV: 3rd person 

Word count: 703 words to be exact

–––

Although his bandmates found it usual for Johnny to stare into space, Essie felt unsettled by it.

On one warm afternoon, the girl found him doing it while he sat still on their sofa. It was just the two of them at home, with Mark busy recording at the studio. He won’t be back until late in the evening, or worse, until the wee hours of the morning.

Essie just woke up from her afternoon nap and saw her lover staring into space on the sofa. Both of his hands were placed on his knees, and he sat with his back straight. He looked like a statue out of a museum.

“Love?” She whispered, approaching him cautiously.

When he didn’t answer, she took it as a cue to sit on the couch. “Love,” she repeated, moving closer to him slowly.

“Yes, babe?” He finally answered, his eyes still focused on whatever it is he’s staring at.

“What’s wrong?” This time, Essie was just a breath away from his face.

He looked at her, and there it was – tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. “I feel sad, to be honest,” he started softly, gently taking her hands with his. “I feel like I’m not doing enough.”

Her eyes widened at his statement, and she gripped his hands tightly. “Hey, don’t think of that. You’re enough. What you’re doing is enough. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Despite the efforts my bandmates and I are making, it feels like we could never satisfy our fans,” he started rubbing the tops of her hands as he looked away from her.

“Hey,” Essie grabbed his face with one hand and tilted it toward her. “Your efforts are enough. You have done a lot for everyone. But remember, we can’t please everybody. Fans can be really toxic, and it’s for you guys to rise above it. I know all of us want to make everyone happy, but unfortunately, some people don’t see it that way…” It was her turn to look away, but that didn’t last long as she composed herself easily. “Crap, that wasn’t helpful at all, was it?”

Johnny chuckled at her statement and pulled her into his lap. “Thanks, baby, what you said is enough too,” he kissed her left temple, “and I’m grateful to have a partner who knows how to cheer up her loved ones,” he kissed her right temple this time. “I hope I get out of this funk soon…”

“You will be,” she said confidently, twisting her body so she could face him. “You’re Johnny Suh. You are a strong, confident, and passionate man. You are also the most handsome man I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and becoming my boyfriend. You are everything to me, and of course, your parents,” that got giggles from both of them, “and don’t forget that I love you from the bottom of my heart.”

“Awww, my baby is so sweet!” He cooed, his hands now rubbing circles on her back. “I love you too, Miss Jessica Park.” They shared a passionate kiss that made them forget about their problems and the concept of time.

It had been a while since both of them got intimate, after their quick rendezvouses and Essie’s trip to her home country. The girl was aware and admitted to Johnny that she had distanced herself even if he continued to do his best to repair their relationship. Good thing that his hard work paid off and their relationship has restarted in the best way possible.

“Damn baby,” were the first things Johnny said after they pulled apart from kissing. “Damn indeed,” Essie whispered, her hands massaging his shoulder blades. “Yeah, that’s the spot, keep going…” he purred, his breath tickling the crook of her neck.

Once he felt more at ease with her massage, he positioned her to sit next to him. “Thank you, my baby princess,” he said, his hands slipping into the spaces in between hers.

“Anything for you, my dear Youngho,” she said in a singsong manner, eliciting giggles from them both. “It’s now my turn to pamper you, and you better not make complaints on how I’m going to show you my love.”

–––

FIN