[10:48 PM]

[10:48 PM]

seconds after a short text, johnny is already at your side.

you’re already sobbing when he pulls you into his arms. you close your eyes and sob even harder as he cups your face in his hands so gently that you barely feel it. you look into his soft brown eyes, unstoppable tears streaming down your flushed cheeks.

“oh dear,” he murmurs as he pulls you closer and lets your tears wet his light blue hoodie. “who hurt you?” his face is overwhelmed by concern for you and he strokes your swollen cheek with one hand. 

you don’t respond but clench onto the fabric by his waist tighter as you burrow inside what seems like a perfect paradise, safe and separated from the rest of the world. you’re shaking and sobbing and everything in-between, and johnny wraps his strong arms around you quietly.

“i-i can’t do this,” you say, your voice cracking as you speak the words. you’re looking at him, into his eyes that almost seem to reflect the hurt you feel. 

he listens.

you tangle your fingers with his, using all four clasped hands to wipe your tears. “i need to run away so bad.”

“i’d love to take you with me,” he breathes, “but you know i can’t.”

you would smile, but you can’t. “i know.” you know too well. you lean back into his chest as he leans his head on yours, and wrap your arms around his waist firmly - as if he’s a lifeline. “i know.” 

johnny presses a kiss to your head and gently pats your back as you continue to sob, each choked cry shattering his heart even more.

!!!!

hi friends, i know i’ve been posting a lot of personal stuff recently and i really didn’t want to make this post but i don’t know what else to do.

my mom tested positive for the coronavirus and i haven’t heard anything about her condition since around early yesterday morning. my parents are still in korea so it’s just me and my sister at home but i’ve almost completely run out of money (i literally only have $10 in my account) for food / other necessities. i’m still sick so neither of my bosses have scheduled me for work and although my university has closed its campuses, my landlord hasn’t suspended my rent so most of my money has been going to my apartment + my utility bills on top of my parents’ utility bill + my sister’s athletic fees. i know that the easiest thing would be to ask for money from my parents but i really, really don’t want to add to everything that they’re already dealing with.

if you have a dollar or two you could donate, that would be so, so, so inexplicably appreciated like you don’t understand how much you would be helping us out. if you are able to donate, please feel free request a fic from me! i will write it asap and send it to you! if you aren’t able to, that’s completely okay too! i don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything. instead, if you could reblog and spread the word, that would be just as helpful!  

tldr: my parents are still out of the country because of covid-19 and my sister and i are running out of money for food / other necessities. if you are able to donate, send me a fic request and i’ll write it for you!

my paypal is paypal.me/seosoojin. again, please please please do not donate if you don’t have money to spare. focus on you and your needs first. this pandemic is tearing my world apart and i don’t want it to do the same to yours.

thank you guys so much. i know i’ve been posting a lot about my personal life and i promise i won’t post anything more after this. i’ve read all of your kind messages and i’ll get around to answering them after i figure everything out! i love you guys! please stay safe!

[2:45pm]

it’s a lazy afternoon - one haechan hasn’t had for years since his first debut. you and haechan sit facing each other on the floor of your parents’ art studio, the coldness of the marble somewhat muffled by the newspaper you sit on. you are painting sunflowers on each other’s hands; your sunflowers stem from the roots on the wrist of his left hand and bloom near his fingers, while his sunflowers messily graze upon the entirety of your left hand. you laugh because they kind of look like burnt scrambled eggs, and haechan laughs because your laugh is so damn cute (but also because he thinks so, too). he then playfully attempts to flirt seductively, calling you his flower with a wink, a lip bite, and that look - to which you can’t stop laughing uncontrollably, but press a messily placed kiss to his cheek because he’s just so adorable. haechan’s eyes light up as he peppers your face with kisses, making you giggle as you entangle your fingers in his damaged hair in a joking attempt to pry him away. you can’t remember the time you’d laughed this much - or felt this happy. but haechan always seems to do that to you.

the afternoon sunlight smiles upon the both of you from the large, circular window behind you. the golden light kisses haechan’s eyes into a deep shade of sweet honey, and you know you’d love to be even a scrambled-egg-looking sunflower if it meant that you would be able to look at your sun forever.

[8:42 pm]

long distance bf!ten has never been the type to celebrate his birthday, but when you surprise him at his front door at almost a quarter to nine, his eyes brighten up like someone who had been surprised with the best birthday party of his life.

he laughs as he lifts you up in uncontainable joy, and you squeal at the sudden elevation, laughing with him as you wrap your arms around his neck. ten looks even more handsome in the moonlight, his eyes curving like two stunning crescent moons and his pearly white smile absolutely kissable. so you kiss him - a short peck to his lips as an attempt to encapsulate all the love you wanted to shower him with. he’s pleasantly surprised again - especially as he hasn’t seen you in person for so long - and giggles as he carries you inside for a longer kiss and a midnight snack.

you wish the night would last forever. you wish that you didn’t have to go back home early in the morning for work; you wish that you could go on dates with ten more than a few times a year; you wish that the love of your life didn’t live six hours away from you.

you wish you could stay wrapped in ten’s arms forever, talking on the sofa of his living room, an island of laughter and warmth in the silent city enveloped by darkness, staring into his eyes and feeling like the only two people in the world.

but you can’t, so you press another kiss to ten’s lovable lips as you whisper happy birthday.

[10:32 pm]

husband!jaehyun listens intently as you explain why you don’t want children. it’s a conversation you knew had to happen sooner or later, but it still stings to see something in jaehyun’s eyes flicker out. you apologize, feeling slightly guilty. jaehyun shakes his head and tells you you shouldn’t be sorry; it’s your body and he supports whatever you choose to do with it. he kisses your forehead with a smile that carves dimples into his cheeks.

you were wrong when you thought you couldn’t love him any more than you already did.

NCT 127 enneagram types

warning: this is kind of long but i researched so much about enneagrams for this :)

++ i love these boys with all my heart. this is just how i see them as personality types (strengths, psyche, and flaws)

one: the perfectionist

JAEHYUN - 1w2 (but i want to say 1w3) i think jae is a one or a three, but i placed him in one because his perfect image is what he wants to actually become and project to others. jaehyun has most of the qualities of a one: a big perfectionist, responsible, honest, and improvement-oriented. he probably self-condemns when he doesn’t achieve the results he wants, and works to become the perfect image of himself. he holds himself to a very high standard, and most likely holds others to relatively high standards as well, especially if they affect his way to perfection. i think he tends to hold his anger in through silent resentment. jaehyun has a dominant two-wing. he’s aware of the needs of others and strives to fulfill them in the hopes that they’ll need him in their lives. he seeks love and affection. 

++ i really want to say he has a three-wing, though a 1w3 isn’t a thing, since he’s high-achieving, image-conscious, competitive (comparing with others), and enthusiastic.

DOYOUNG - 1w9 doyoung is a member who’s hard to read but i think he’s a 1w9. as a one, doyoung is also a perfectionist, but may be a bit less of a perfectionist than jaehyun. he is honest, responsible, and improvement-oriented. he makes very practical decisions, and tends to follow his head instead of his heart, weighing the pros and cons of each choice. he probably thinks back on past mistakes and continuously regrets them, working hard to not make the same mistake again. doyoung is very aware of how others perceive him; he desires love and admiration from others. what makes doyoung and jaehyun really different, though, are their corresponding wings. doyoung’s nine-wing allows him to be more rational than jaehyun, who may think more emotionally/subjectively. (doyoung definitely places importance in his emotions, though, especially as they play a great role in his singing capabilities.) doyoung would also undertake greater costs to stay at harmony with others than jaehyun.

two: the helper

JUNGWOO - 2w3 wow! a BIG BIG two. jungwoo loves taking on the role as caretaker. he mostly acts on his emotions but also considers the practicality of his actions in regards to how they will affect other people’s well-being. he seeks acceptance and accomplishment, like taeyong (3w2), but the difference is that jungwoo seeks accomplishment in relationships with others (forms of love). jungwoo is easily adaptable and understands what people want in relationships. he fears that if people are not dependent on him for his care and love, he will become worthless (pride that he is indispensable in relationships). setting boundaries might be hard for him, and he may feel that he is not loved for himself but for what he does for others sometimes. he’s really good at being affectionate and encouraging others, and is well-liked.

three: the performer

TAEYONG - 3w2 (i had research on him bc i’m a three) i’m almost completely positive taeyong is a three; i’m a three (w2 also hehe) myself and i definitely see him as one too. he’s image-conscious, a high achiever, driven, organized, and overworked. he speaks enthusiastically and encourages himself and others to succeed - an important quality as a leader. earning recognition and social networking seem important to him. taeyong is good at naturally sensing who holds the “power” in a room. he is probably more impressive and charismatic when on stage or talking to a large group of people than he is one-on-one. to be completely honest, taeyong is not a natural leader but a person who has developed his leadership qualities in order to reach the success he craves. i think taeyong also has a big two wing; he strives to be loved by others (it’s important that everyone likes him).

four: the romantic

[no one - probably because fours are really introverted and don’t tend to become celebrities.]

five: the observer

MARK - 5w6 mark is a five. mark is a bit of an introvert, might be stingy at times (i also just remembered doyoung said he never saw mark’s wallet before the sudden bag reveal vlog LMAO ily mark), and likes to process things. he has an intellectual side to him and wants to master his interest (music). as a five, mark is really uncomfortable with touch. (tbh as soon as richard rohr (the author) said fives don’t like touch, i was like, “mARk!) he places importance in privacy and freedom, but he also feels isolated because of it. he seeks a balance between his private life and social life. understanding and expressing his emotions might be a challenge to him. as a person with a 6 wing, mark is loyal and loves the people he defines as “his community.” mark is subconsciously cautious of people, though, and it takes time for him to open up. he worries a lot - too much, sometimes. rules are important to him, and he likes making agreements. [edit may 2020: i now strongly suspect he might also be a 1]

six: the loyal skeptic

WINWIN - 6w5 wow i had such a hard time figuring winwin out that i said i didn’t know his enneagram type in my first post but now i think he’s obviously a 6w5. he might also be a 5w6, but he seems to give me more of a six vibe than a five vibe. as a six, sicheng desires support and guidance from the people he trusts. it is hard to get sicheng to emotionally open up - i think that with his shy side as a five and his distrustful side as a six, winwin might be the most difficult member to truly get close to in all of nct. i think that nct 127 - besides the language barrier - is a healthy environment for winwin because nct 127 absolutely adores him. winwin is arguably the bias of every member in nct 127, from yuta (who is not afraid to tell winwin that he is absolute love) to mark (who is slightly shy about expressing it but loves winwin so much). winwin’s lovable energy is his natural disposition, but i also think that he subconsciously maintains it beacuse of his desire as a six to be accepted and supported by others. through his lovable energy, winwin is able to feel stable and reassured in his social networks, thereby eliminating all of winwin’s potential social insecurity inside the group. as a six with a five wing, winwin obviously does not love being touched, kissed, or hugged most of the time. he is a bit introverted, and is the type to become completely immersed in a subject he’s interested in (ex. his dancing); he wants to master it completely. winwin also values his privacy.

YUTA - 6w7 okay so: yuta is really confusing though he’s also one of my favorites. i had a hard ass time trying to figure him out, and i edited this post in february 2020 to move him from 8 to 6. yuta seems to be emotionally distant from others to an extent - due to a classic 6 fear that he’ll lose security or be hurt if he easily opens up emotionally. he is loyal and very expressive to the people he trusts and knows won’t hurt him, though (ex. winwin, sicheng, wayv’s ‘97 baby... ). maybe he likes winwin so much because he sees his six side in winwin (but in a slightly different way). i used to think he was a bit of a three because he places great importance on how people see him (ex. his written goal in nct life was to become a man who everyone would see as accomplished), and because he hold bit of arrogance in the image he desires as a “masculine” man. now i think those are his classic six desires to fight against his insecurity and to be supported through his “masculine” image, though. his seven wing seems to show in the way that he does love to socialize with people, though, especially the ones he actually trusts (as a six), and in the way that he naturally brings energy to groups. 

seven: the epicure

(LMAO i had to)

HAECHAN - 7w6 haechan is a seven. he’s positive, extroverted, spontaneous, fun-loving, and always seeking an adventure. he’s a quick thinker - which contributes to his funny, clever comments. he reads people very well, like taeyong. i think the difference between a seven and a three’s social networking, though, is that while a seven enjoys social networking in itself, a three enjoys it because it can help them reach success. haechan fears “missing out” on events, is not too efficient in dealing with the “bad” side of things (denies pain), and is a bit impatient and impulsive. he may get bored of things quickly. he wants to have fun in life with others. haechan seems to have a dominant 6 wing; he’s very loyal to the people he considers important in his life. he questions rules, but also follows the ones he believes in. as a 7w6, he does doubt the intentions of the ones he is not very close with and seeks safety and comfort.

nine: the mediator

JOHNNY - 9w8 (johnny took me literally 3 minutes, what a king) AN 9w8 ALL THE WAY! i really hope no one disagrees with me on this one. johnny is an amazing people-person (9), and a natural leader (8) who doesn’t feel the necessity to lead. (basically, he has the qualities of a leader but he would rather help harmonize with others than aggressively lead.) he speaks assertively (as a w8) but with regard for other opinions, maybe in the form of adding an “i think so” or a laugh at the end. he’s not too concerned with regulations unless it impacts relationships with others or he thinks they are fair. fairness is very important to him - a classic quality in an 8. he can be extremely stubborn if he genuinely believes in his point, and assertively does his best to defend the person he believes is “right” in an argument while trying to come to an agreement. johnny wants to be at peace with himself and others, and is afraid of being separated from the world. maybe he is a bit ambivalent inside. i think people who are 8w9 and 9w8 are very interesting because the types 8 (assertive leader) and 9 (neutral harmonizer) almost contradict each other. johnny is the perfect balance, a natural leader in the shadows who loves to create harmony.

TAEIL - 9w1 (taeil actually didn’t take me that long, ily taeil) taeil definitely seems like a nine to me. he seeks harmony and avoids conflict with others. he’s accepting, fair, and seems a bit dispersed (not in a bad way). he doesn’t seem to like when someone comes off too strong. he probably has occasional eruptions but usually avoids anger through passive aggression. taeil is also such a 9w1. he strives for perfection in what he does, is honest, and is responsible. he places importance in feeling connected to others (but also values his private life).