K.E - Tumblr Posts
Shut up they love each other:
It isn’t painful, the icy blue tide dragging her down and it should be. The Thames bubbles and rushes down her throat, her ribs heave and spasm in their search for oxygen. She’s drowning, bleeding too if the crimson shadow trail is anything to go by. But in the absence of physical feeling, comes this clarity: she is free, and there is a hand reaching out for her. The two very things she’s always wanted since the day she was plucked from that orphanage are here and so maybe, maybe this is peace. Villanelle closes her eyes from the sting of the water, the wounds, and the piercing eyes of Eve’s that are so desperate.
At that last sight, Villanelle’s snap back open, locking onto the woman still groping for her, terrified, on the brink, and Villanelle dismisses any world where she could be at peace when Eve is in trouble as bullshit. It’s always been Eve, and Villanelle’s still breathing so she has to try to stay. But she. Can’t. Move. Another bullet slices through flesh and bone – internal organs become external and that’s…that has to be enough. Her eyes slip shut, and with them one last glimpse at Eve still so determined, Villanelle slips down and –
—
It is with the realization that Eve has truly lost everything that she screams, it’s deep, agonizing, and feral, and goes on and on. It has no purpose — she isn’t intending for anything anymore…is barely treading water purely out of habit. Wouldn’t duck if a spatter of bullet fire rained down. Perhaps that makes her ungrateful, refusing to make an effort. Refusing to try and survive after such a huge sacrifice. But Villanelle never apoligized for anything, and existing is a stupid, cumbersome burden so Eve refuses to apologize to her for this. Especially since…what would be the point of that now? So she screams, letting the world know exactly where she is, below a huge damned boat hosting an oblivious wedding party and the two grooms above, likely dancing under soft fairy strung lighting and holding each other and…diving into the very river that’s vast enough that she could’ve been left in peace.
One of the grooms, the ugly one, scoops Eve up under the armpits and all she can think to say to their urgent questions is “She’s gone.” Words so simple and small, so starkly different from her thunderous cry from moments earlier, that the wind could’ve carried them off before they reached another person. But the handsome man, face soaked, must hear her because he shakes his head resolutely, squares his shoulders, and dives under.
I had this idea where the married couple helps out. Let me know if it’s worth continuing? If so, I’ll finish it.
I’ve been writing a bunch lately, especially after that Killing Eve ending. I’m looking for someone who would be interested in reading and giving honest, critical feedback? Either a beta or a one-off. Currently KE is on the brain but I also write Wildmoore and Supercorp.
FOREVER YOU DEVOTED BELIEVER
It was a cool autumn, and Xie Lain had just woke up from his sleep. He was quite possibly the most beautiful person you had ever laid eyes upon; his hair long and the pretty hazel brown you ever did see and his eyes were as rich as the soil. He turns to see that the man that he fell asleep besides was gone.
"San Lang?" he called out, as he put on his white robe and opened the door.
"Yes?, Gege?" a young man replied.
Hua cheng had long black hair up in a side ponytail, and he wore red western style clothing. Xie looks out to see the young man working on the yard and says,
"San Lang , we’ve talked about this! You cant do the chores all the time, you need sleep." Xie Lain said, with frustration in his voice.
"Of course, my bad gege" the young man smirked.
Xie Lain sighs and puts his long hair up.
"What am i going to do with you?" Xie pokes Hua playfully.
"Love me~" Hua teases back.
Hua and Xie have been living together for a while. Xie lain had decided to come down from the Heaven Realm for a bit to get worshippers! Hua cheng has been deeply in love with Xie lain for over 800 years now, and he has been accompanying Xie lain for a few years now. See, Hua cheng is one of the most powerful ghost kings in the under realm, not even the heavens officals mess with him! Of course, Xie lain being the exception.
"Oh shush, last time you said something like that you asked me to marry you as a joke." Xie lain says, rolling his eyes.
"Ow! Gege you scandle, your words wound me.." Hua playfully replies, but deep down, he really was serious about wanting to marry Xie lain. He has always looked up to him. Xie had saved Hua’s life when he was young boy, and Xie was the prince. Xie lain had gave Hua cheng a reason to live, and he was determined to repay the kindness and give Xie lain all his love. And so, he become Xie lains devoted believer.
But that was just the beginning.
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a little short tgcf short one shot I wrote
i give you enjoy this little bit of hualain
jodie comer and sandra oh gave us one of the best onscreen kisses ever
Ok, so
Can I just say I fricken adore Kedamono? Thank you @ask-positive-bendy-bab for mentioning Popee I’m so glad you mentioned it I have a new favorite show XD
the first week
my alarm had rung at 6:15, i must have looked out of the window, had seen the fresh snow and decided to continue sleeping. it was for an early morning bike ride that i was so excited the evening before. the snow making that rather impossible.
finally, i woke up at 10, getting ready rather slowly but excited for the “date” i had planned. it was with d., a transman i had chatted well with on bumble. i asked him to go to this bin sale and the thrift shop i had recently discovered. at exactly 11am i stood in the line in front of the store but could not see him anywhere. the doors were opened, people excitedly rushed inside. i decided to wait for him, not being able to reach him my phone having no internet. i waited for 15 minutes in the snow, it was akward everybody who went inside looked at me weirdly.
at some point i myself was too excited to go and did not want to wait in the cold anymore. it was unfortunate, i was looking forward much. i think i have never gotten stood up like this, but i didn’t want this to destroy the experience for me, it might also just have been a misunderstanding. it was fun indeed, i was sweating quickly. when digging through the bins next to all the others, mostly ladies, i at some random point got the ick. why am i looking for cloths that i dont even need, just because they are cheap? i would have to carry all of it back to my home country. i eventually found some pieces that were somewhat cute and i wanted to take with me. if i didnt fill it to the top the few pieces i liked would have been rather expensive, the bag costing 13 dollars. it got me questioning this useless consumption a bti. but not too much as to have stopped myself from contiuing. i wanted to have had this experience for once, just for the sake of it.
around noon i was done, i had my bag of cloths for about 11 euros, but now hunger in my stomach. i went around the corner with the intention to go to the one café/bakery that gets closest to european bakeries. on my way there I had observed two guys coming out of this bagel shop. i had gone there in summer when looking for a coffee place, so i didn’t end up ordering. One of those students was saying “god how i love this place” to the other. this was enough to convince me to finally give it a shot being a huge bagel addict.
I waited in line and was guided by this overly friendly and open guy who was prepared for people like me whose “first time” it was ordering there. I am always inspired by this friendly way of american service, they just make you feel good. It feels like an episode of truman show, everybody has little chit chats with another, you get to know some people without even trying to. some find it shallow or annoying. but why does every transactional relationship need to be harsh, fast and unpersonal?
holding my warm bagel in one hand, the thrifted bag in the other i walked towards the café finally. it felt homey, welcoming and warm. i stood behind in line this tall elegant boy. when he ordered i directly realised he was from my country, one can just always tell. we had eye contact, he turned around twice as if just by looking at me he could also tell. i orderd my cappucino, surprinsgly they spelled my name corectly, the only free spot was the one right in front of him and who seems to be his girlfriend. definitely both of them are students, he studies music, probably a director to be. he is being rather obnoxuious about the fact that he is working on some sheet music, penetrantly gesturing the tempi and emphsasis just in this moment. well, why am i always in other people’s business?!
i drank my cappunico, tried to call b., i only reached his answer machine, then called my mother to check up on several things amongst which was the health of my horse (i had a very bad dream about her recently), but everything was fine. i had also made that call to signal the boy that i could speak his language. increasing the tension that had already been between us before, i just love playing those idiotic games with strangers - i am just horrible. i wanted to check my mails, but soon realised that i had forgotten that they don’t have wifi here, which was the reason i stopped going here in summer. luckily i had a book with me i had bought in that fancy book palace at our last weekend’s trip. it is called “against white feminism”, i read chapter 4 listening to music trying to not be annoyed by this boy.
always being hyper aware of my sorroundings and being able to remember faces quickly i realised that one boy i had encountered in the dorm was here, as well as: hl. whose class i had attended last thursday for the first time. she is a famous political theorist. she is sitting opposite to me at the same table. she is just amazing, dressed in a pink cardigan, on her phone that has a pink case, a baguette on the table and a big book on political economy. she is all i ever want to be. i just love this city and the fact you encounter those famous professors casually like this. of course, they are humans as well, but incredibly knowledgable, educated ans passionate.
she is calling somebody on the phone now and i will keep pretentiously reading this actually amazing book. hoping she will recognize me in class on tuesday.
...
it is the next day, sunday. i am sitting in the same café. i definitely was not productive yesterday, but enjoyed my time for sure. on my way home i decided to stop for another café i really like, spent some time there, was able to answer some people, since they finally had wifi for once, and had arranged to meet for a walk with is., whom i knew from bumble. i quickly dropped of the thrifted bag at home and decided to bike to the place we would meet. we had a nice chat and headed towards the brewery i had never been to, even though it turned out to be just next to the ngo i had done my internship at last september. still not owning a lock, i. let me put my bike in his house’s backyard. he lives in a very nice new english colonial style house, the whole upstairs area is his. his landlord is a famous philosopher who of course is also a professor at this university. he wasn’t home though, but in los angeles for the weekend. i. will also go there sometime in march and had actually invited me to join him, he will go there for a talk he holds and then stay with his friend k., whom i had already met two times as well. i. had set k. who used to be his suitemate in dartmouth up with m., another friend of his. i. likes to “play chess with people” as he calls it. he told me this is what it’s all about. well, i am the last person to judge this way of thinking, since i am more or less doing the same - with satisfactory outcomes.
so i. and me went to the brewery, we had a good chat about having opinions, current debate culture and polarisation. i. was always in touch with people through his smart watch, which i find rather annoying, but like that he planned to go to one of the three legendary pizzerias that i have not been before. we walked there, put our name on the waiting list and went to an establishment that was somewhat of a tavern. i. always invited me to drinks and food, he always proposed what to do when and generally was well in control and organized. even though i am not particularly sexually attracted to him, this quality makes him very attractive actually. through his friend m. who knows somebody that works in the pizzeria we were able to get notified when our table was free. i didn’t even realize we were going to meet m. and k. again. but apparently m. owns a house very close by and wanted to join eventually. not having eaten much that day so far, i was already rather drunk from one beer and one gin&tonic. and i was totally not in the mood for having to meet m. again. i had met her for the first time in this exclusive club on thursday when she was actually celebrating her birthday that i spontaneously joined and felt like i crushed it.
those few hours that thursday evening felt like a feaver dream of an elite university experience, any clichè that one could imagine was true. for entering this establishment you had to be a club member, i. who took me with him knew many people hanging out there. in fact b. was there at the same time as us, i spotted him when he left. once a month he has to take part in this talk, and atferwards all the researchers and professors have dinner there for which they get access to the exclusive&private upstairs area. anyways, i. and me first had a beer together and talked about many things but mostly the state of current american and european society. i. is 25, did his undergrad in art history and archeology and is now doing his phd in political science. once you have a somewhat unique name it is extremly easy to be researchable in this institution. i had looked up his research interest when deciding whether to swipe right on him. and it did look very interesting to me. i. is also the definition of a rich kid, he grew up all around the world attending private international and boarding schools, he is related to a prince in his country and just casually told me yesterday how he had lunch with benjamin netanyahu not long before october 7th - of course this does not really impress me but it rather disgusts me how he keeps needing to boast about his influential friends. i allow it to disgust me but it also encourages me more to make use of him, why not?
so first we were alone, then he made us join m's birthday dinner. i got sat next to this girl who grew up in the same country as me, she used to be a pro golfer but now studies agriculture at this institution. sitting between her and i. i was facing ma.'s father ra. i directly realised how knowledgable, well informed and mannered he was. he tried to interview and test me in certain fields of knowledge, which i promptly understood. i played his game and as far as i can tell we had fun. what a man! he used to be an investment banker and at some point lecturer at this university, leaving legacy for his daughter.
i wish my parents were like hers. they obviously are not dumb, had a succesfull business once themselves, allowing me to have a great and luxurious childhood on a private stud farm amongst our 10 horses and 10 sports cars until i was 5 years old. at some point and for some reason that i still cannot grasp their business failed, they lost a case in court and we lost our luxury life. i will write about my childhood and how we dealt with those consequences another time, but this background makes me be rather familiar with people like i., r. and m. and the girl and their way being rich, conservative, well educated and even from aristocratic backgrounds. i like to believe i can easily fit in, they would never guess what city i spend me later childhood in, what my mother chose to earn money with for the family from that point on, what friends i had. psychoanalysing myself this certainly is the reason for always feeling like i don't belong to either the rich&educated or the poor&uneducated (of course not everyone is part of either one of those groups, but oftentimes it does apply).
so we had dinner on thursday, met for a walk yesterday, had dinner then and afterwards hung out at i.'s house listenting to music and talking about how academic culture is different in the us and europe. i stayed at i.'s place until 2am but did decide to go home, even though he had a spacey guest bed. i am looking forward to meeting him again. even though he is incredibly priviledged and blinded by that completely (he asked me why i not simply decided to attend this uni being unhappy about certain features and dynamics of academic life in my country and he just wouldn't understand why that was a naive question of him to ask...).
i am in touch with several other guys on bumble, one of which is f. a postdoc in law like my ex. a cool dude living in this wonderful neighbourhood that i like so much. i guess we'll meet sooner or later. another one being ha. someone who describes himself as a mad scientist and who seems to be somewhat insecure and weird or js., who reminds me of ian curtis, who is not a doctoral student or postdoc but working for the uni in the medical field, having attended one of the "little threes". let's see what next week brings! for now i should head home to clean the room i had for my own over the weekend b. having been "camping" (renting an airbnb cottage) with his friends in another state of new england. he'll return soon and i wanna do laundry, have the food i had taken with me from brunching at my favourite dining all at noon today and having to send some mails.