Moxxillie - Tumblr Posts
THE (SEMI)-OFFICIAL RULES OF I.M.P
Blitz, Moxxie, Millie, Loona
Moxxie and Millie are only allowed to be disgustingly gross and shove their bullshit monogamy in everyone else’s face when Blitz is NOT AROUND.
If Loona’s having a… bad day… it’s better for everyone to just leave her alone.
Asmodeous and Fizzarolli- you are allowed to visit with 24-hour prior warning. If you really must bring sex toys with you, the maximum is 3. Any more go in the trash. I do not care that you are literally the sin of lust, it gives our clients ideas.
When Blitz hits the ‘deranged client’ or ‘horny client’ emergency buttons, BACKUP BETTER BE IN THERE WITHIN 15 SECONDS.
When Blitz hits the ‘Stolas’ emergency backup, no backup is required immediately but either alcohol or extremely strong coffee must be provided ASAP.
Blitz, no laughing at the homeless before 9am. (I’M YOUR BOSS MOXXIE YOU DON’T MAKE THE RULES).
BLITZ, NO LAUGHING AT THE HOMELESS BEFORE 9AM. (......okay, Millie).
No fucking in the closet. (Unless it’s between the three of us, M&M… )(This is rather… unprofessional, sir).
NO LETTING VIA STEAL THE GRIMOIRE JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE HAVING TEEN MELODRAMA. (Dad, I am literally not a teenager anymore).
LOONY NO PARTIES WITH TEX (OR ANY OTHER HOT PEOPLE) PAST MIDNIGHT. (Again, I’m an adult now, and there is nothing between Tex and I, and why the fuck are you putting this in the company rules??)
No drinking Blitz’s coffee.
If Blitz says a sentence with no innuendos, euphemisms or swears, that means it’s serious.
Respect Moxxie’s… Virgo-esque tendencies. We can’t all wear our sun signs as wonderfully as me. (SIR, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???)
Don’t piss off Millie. She has an ax.
No STALKING your EMPLOYEES on their WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
No BREAKING INTO PEOPLE’S FRIDGES.
No BOOTY CALLS during COMPANY MEETINGS.
“CONVERSATIONS” LEADS TO HIV. (DAD!!!)
Blitz is not a day hooker.
Fizzarolli, you cannot burn up all your cease and desist orders in our grill. (The grill is for IMP’s cease and desist orders only).
NO BRINGING UP STOLAS.
I am running out of notes to name these lol. More Incorrect quotes if you couldn't tell
Stolas, holding out a cookie for Blitz: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you! Blitz: *Ugly crying* Stolas, holding out another cookie for Stella: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you! Stella, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?! --- Blitz: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking. --- Moxxie: But seriously, what is the real plan here that has to do with not fucking around? Blitz: There is no plan that does not involve fucking around. But we will make sure all of our fucking around will be applied in a constructive direction. --- Millie: Do you feel any better? Moxxie: I feel much better now that you here with me. Blitz walks in Moxxie: I feel half better. --- Loona: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? IMP client: Bees? Loona: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! IMP client: Wait- Blitz approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly --- Moxxie: I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself. Moxxie: Picks up Blitz Moxxie: I’ve only befriended Blitz for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then my self. --- Blitz: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos. Millie: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Moxxie: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos? Blitz: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day. --- Stolas: Blitz is playing hard to get. Stolas: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of. --- Loona: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed the van? Blitz: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Stolas, deer!" Loona: …And what did Stolas do? Blitz: …He said "Yes, Honey?"