Queer Experience - Tumblr Posts

This pride month please remember to include and respect non-white members of the community. We have a very difficult experience, as many of us are ostracized strongly in both of our communities. Listen to non white queer experiences, look out for micro-aggressions in queer spaces, and most of all, please just act normal towards us and include us as part of the community. Non white queers are the reason that we as a community have much of the culture and even rights that we enjoy today. Just want to call attention to this.

So, I'm a boy.. kinda.

I used to not think much about it. I'm a boy.

I was born a boy, I grew up a boy, so I've been a boy. But.. there are days where I don't.. boy. I boy most days and when I'm tired, I default to boy. And I don't mind being a boy, I'm fine with it. But there are days I don't wanna boy. I wanna.. be me. Not boy me, just.

Just me. I like my days when I put on jeans and an unassuming t-shirt, add on a cool jacket and just go about my day. But now that I've had more freedom to explore things.. I find myself wanting to just not boy sometimes. Sometimes, I wanna paint my nails or try on make-up. Why not? Thinking back, I've always wanted to try different clothes, jackets on the women section of the mall or shirts with cute colorful styles. I wanna try on dresses, see how they make me feel. I wanna try on different shoes and try different crop tops.. I wanna let my hair grow long, 'till I can maybe put it up in a messy bun from time to time. So yeah, I'm a boy. Except when I'm just... not.

The thing about being pan...

It's that it's not so easy to realize you're pan. I'm sure other bi or pan people might also feel as such, but I'll speak from my perspective. I grew up just.. liking people? Loving their different aesthetics and styles. Loving the different personalities and how they interact with each other. Loving how they can get so excited about small thing. And loving to figure out how everyone is so different from each other. I can only say so in retrospective, obviously. Back then, I just.. liked my friends and liked seeing people from afar. Not really knowing what any of those feelings meant. Sweet, light feelings, but not quite knowing how to categorize them. But.. I went with the narrative of "I do like girls and I just would like to look like those boys." That's what was normal, after all. But even then, around 11 or 12 y/o I knew I was lying to myself.

Eventually, I fugured I did like other boys. But that I did like other girls. And that I did like people, whether or not they were boys or girls. I could've said I was bi, and it wouldn't be wrong.

But there's something about being pansexual that just feels right!

Quick little update to.. trying on gender, I guess.

I just used press on nails and somehow ended putting all of them backwards... I feel stupid now.

I do hate "normal"

I've always hated expectations. The norm. It's always about what other people want you to do, want you to be.

I can understand that there's a need for "normal" in society. Biologically, our brains just group up similar concepts together to better manage all of it. So it intrinsically dislikes what goes out of the norm, what's different.

But it sucks especially when you're what's different. Or don't do what people expect of you, don't dress how they expect you to dress, don't talk or walk or act in the ways they want. If anything, I want to say that I'm never gonna be normal. There are days where I'll be more different, days where I'll be less different, but.. not normal. And if anything, people shouldn't expect you to be whatever you're not. They'll have to deal if they don't like it. But I like different. There's something quite beautiful in different. And everyone is different in a way. Not "special", just different. Unique.

And that's beautiful!

Weird gender joy thing: I used scented body wash for the first time today and I literally was so happy. I didn't realize something so small could make me so happy, cause it smelled of wild berry and it made me feel so giddy I smelled like something more "fruity."

Demiboy ramblings

It's a weird thing to be born as a guy, then discover you're like not all that much of a guy. I find it there are days where I wanna be so androgynous, other days I wanna be fem and wear skirts and shit. But like still most days I'll be just a boy. The thing is I kinda went on a rampage last week where I'd wear fem outfits whenever I could, cause I was in full on "honeymoon phase" if you will. I was so happy to discover this new part of me that I just leaned on it. But that's the thing, I do have days where I'm more "boy." And I think I realized that that's ok. That doesn't make me less of a demiboy for having days where I wanna just put on a shirt and jeans. Where I don't wanna deal with my hair or paint my nails. Like, most days I'll be ok with wichever, but it's kinda important to just.. listen to yourself. You know what you want in the end, you know what you like. And even if it switches a bit from day to day, it doesn't make you less queer for it. ... Idk, just be you! That's all I had to say.

The mere fact that I haven't been wearing eyeliner until yesterday is a freaking staple of bullshit gender norms. I swear, I tried starting with a more masc look and I can't even deal with how good I look.

Can't stop staring at the mirror and I've never been one to like my face to begin with. What is this? Witchcraft?!? Can I have more of that please XD!?

Gender is very much an experience. And I mean that with the most wearying sigh I can muster XD.

But yeah, your feelings about your gender are valid. I did discover way later in life I was a demiboy. And it does feel like I'm a guy most times, then some days I'm not wanting to be a guy. Then some days, I kinda wanna be a boy in very much femme clothes. But I never really wanna be a man, cause that's just not me at all.

My point is, gender is weird. But I think that's the point OF gender. It's supposed to be us who define our gender, not our gender who define us. So I'm sure you'll get to discover what you're comfortable with in time, as long as you give yourself room to explore. And have fun with it! Cause that's important too 💙

Ive been meaning to post this for a while, so uh.. ye.

Ok before i start, its stoopid o clock and im incapable of wording rn, so bear with me.

I am very much confusion.

Um

So im questioning the possibility of being a demigirl?

Im afab and up until maybe a year ago, have felt pretty comfortable as a girl. Then i started feeling more nonbinary-ish but also female, but i was convinced i was just overreacting. I thought i was just subconsciously making it up for attention (idk how else to describe it, but hope dat makin sense). I was just tryna squish all those feelings down bcuz i was sure they weren't real. I didn't realise it was a thing, to be both non binary and female, and i felt just so invalid.

Then the other day me and my friend were talkin abt her new oc, and she said they were a demigirl. I asked wat dat was and she explained to the best of her knowledge. I just stood there open mouthed and while i didnt say anything, i was screaming inside.

WAIT WTF THATS BEEN AN OPTION THIS WHOLE TIME. WHAT. THE. FUCK. WHAAAAT.

That night i did sum research and i thought i was definitely a demigirl. The feeling comes and goes tho, and sometimes i feel more nonbinary, but for the most part i feel much more female. I still feel like im probably a demigirl, but im just kinda confused.

Idk why i made this post, ig i just needed to tell someone, cuz im not ready to tell anyone irl (partly cuz i still dont trust my own feelings) (i mean wut i said. theres sum weird shit goin on in my head lol)

I guess i also wondered if theres maybe sum demigirl/boy (or anyone rly) out there, to just tell me that my feelings are valid (or that theyre complete bullshit, if thats the case).

And if youre homophobic/transphobic/just dont agree with the concept of demigirls/boys, then i dont need your input. Its really not helpful.

Anyway, uhh ye. Bye ig.

Fuck i needa get sum sleep—

OMG GURL, SAME!!

Cause for me, I don't wanna feel like a man. I get icky when people call me that. But I'm very much ok with being a boy, just a guy. And some days I don't wanna be either, just gender-no XD.

But I still very much look cis, and I don't mind people calling me he. But def feels weird sometimes. Still, I find it's just easier on my own mental health to just let it go, let me be whatever flavor of queer I wanna be and just enjoy for me. Do what I want, dress how I want, be what I wanna.

Hope you get that too. Have a wonderfully queer day 💙

Do other AFAB demigirls or AMAB demiboys feel like they’re not “queer enough” relating to their gender?

I’ve been kinda struggling w this. I KNOW I’m nonbinary, and I KNOW that I don’t have to prove my identity to anyone, but it feels like I’m not allowed to say that I’m not cis/nonbinary bc I still present feminine and don’t have to deal with nearly as many of the struggles GNC people (cis or not) or transmasc/transfem people do.

Funny since I do experience some dysphoria in things like being called a ‘woman’, but being called a girl colloquially or being referred to with she/her pronouns don’t bother me. I experience no chest dysphoria, but do feel some bottom dysphoria.

TLDR: nonbinary gender complicated

They empathize but they don't quite understand how frustrating it is 😔