Sequoia - Tumblr Posts
Chosen by Loneliness
I have a mother and a father near by. With the holiday just passing I had family here and it reminded me of what I never will have. I don't know when it happened, if I break down into the psychiatrist part of myself I suppose it's the fact that I loved and lost at such a young age and now what I have just doesn't fill the empty places in my heart. There's too little interaction, too little connection. I feel so disconnected to those right in front of me and so connected to strangers I've met on tumblr, ones I've read in a book, saw in a movie or television show, and most of all ones I've created in my own writing if a story. It might sound darn crazy, but loneliness isn't something that comes from just one thing, one year or one person. I think it's also the people around them, not spreading blame, I just think it is so important for ones to love beyond the words, and beyond the present and how was your day. Even more important to notice those who shouldn't be around. Evil, darkness can take the strongest down to their knees.
I wish....I wish I had that. I wish I had some sort of confidence in those I love as they will always be there. And on occasion I get to have them near by. But no one understands me and the majority of the time I'm invisible to them. It's terrible as I know they love me with their hearts. But they don't know ME, I hate it. As I want them to. I have hoped it would one day change and at times I still believe it will happen. But the ache in my chest, it gets worse every day. I'm used to it being there, and I walk around making sure anyone I meet will never notice. Humans, we're such great actors, we never really show who we are to others. It drives me crazy. I don't know what I will ever do with this feeling, if I'll ever feel happy and content with how things are, or if I'll meet the great people on tumblr or anyone who can see and understand and connect to what I do...
Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)
I am so tired of not having control, being led by someone else's gravity pull. Will I ever live life for me?
- Sequoia Red
I ask myself questions pretending I’m someone else so it feels like someone cares enough to wonder why I write what I write. I’d say things like ‘I wrote such characters with trust worthiness because everyone I have ever trusted betrayed me and it hurt so badly I was sure I’d die sooner than I should. …’
- Sequoia Red - taken from [I’ve Tried. It Hurts.]
Almost done inking, close to carving, loosely based on one of my favorite redwoods on our mountain.