CreativeWriting - Tumblr Posts

Wish I could just step out side, run a few steps, and take flight with the birds. Even a seagulll. I'd blend in with the seagulls. - Sequoia Red

Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

Rough past few weeks...all it took was a few good people I met, 'the script' album and a great email in my inbox....like they say it's the little things.

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

The universe hates me...just down right hates my guts.

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

It would be nice if one person, just one could be reliable. Trustworthy.

-Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

I always believed that God would keep me alive, protect me as long as I stood by what I believed. But over the years I've become more spiritual than religious. I always thought i'd die because of a drunk driver. But never something completely out my control. It's almost as though I am being punished for something I'm aware that I have done. It even sounds absurd when I say it...black mold, made by the earth is inside of me and it's attached to my insides making me so sick. My doctor doesn't even know what to do. What do you do when, you find out your so sick because of the black mold growing in your house. You need to move right? Of course but I'm broke and when I tell family they just don't care. I'm stuck, waiting as I die silently and slowly...where's the self help books for that?

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

If you have a bestfriend, hug him or her...as mine has been dead for eight years and that's all I want to do.

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

If I had a second chance I would scream...yell at the top of my lungs for you not to leave me behind, maybe it would have saved you, or kept you alive just a little bit longer.

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

Life 1): Lost sight of so many things today...

There's no instruction manual that comes with life on what to do in each scenario.

Tonight I'm wishing there was. If anyone asks me why I search in books for great characters...it's because on days like these I wish I knew them. So then my life wouldn't feel so empty. I'd have someone to look to, ask...to just bounce my thoughts off of. Now I know how it important that is and whenever my friends need that I'm there. But that's just it, they call when they need some things. Which is rare. They're occupied by their boyfriends, other friends, their lives.

I can remember having so many friends. Few were great, but I knew a lot of faces. And now. It's all gone and I wish I could say I was the problem, that I'm antisocial or prefer to be alone (although lately loneliness I find comforting but only because it's what I know). But as time passed, everyone just left. It's weird as I remember people telling me about this happening to them, and I thought a lot of things but never the fact that people just forget you. They don't place the same value on you. I'm invisible. Making new friends right...if only. Maybe if there were people thrown in the vicinity of me like in highschool.

Just thinking of all the things that just disappear, slide through my fingers...turn to dust in the air....

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

I know I'm constantly doing everything wrong. Must you constantly remind me?

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

I hate when a dream feels so real & I believe every inch of it, then I wake up and all i can think is, why would my own mind do that to me?

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

I find it strange that I have practically nothing and people still continue to come at me full force and take the little that I have.

- - Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red) - This year is just as rough as the last.

I hate how lost I feel...always invisible.

I can't tell left from right or up from down today...just drowning.

I wish I didn't feel this way. I have things I should be doing, I know it. Family is coming down this weekend and I'm not happy about it. I'm dreading the weekend. Dreading it.

Sitting here listening to sad music lol...I've never done that before.

Just feeling like I fail at everything and nothing will change...I hate it. I used to always believe everything will workout and I know as soon as this feeling passes, I'll probably believe it again. I just wish I could stop believing and I'd be living it. Talking about where I used to be, how things once were.

- Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

I don't understand. People can hurt you so easily without even pondering your pain, or if its right or wrong. They'd leave you in the middle of the highway dodging cars and never look back. I don't get it. I suppose that's a good thing.

Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

Chosen by Loneliness

I have a mother and a father near by. With the holiday just passing I had family here and it reminded me of what I never will have. I don't know when it happened, if I break down into the psychiatrist part of myself I suppose it's the fact that I loved and lost at such a young age and now what I have just doesn't fill the empty places in my heart. There's too little interaction, too little connection. I feel so disconnected to those right in front of me and so connected to strangers I've met on tumblr, ones I've read in a book, saw in a movie or television show, and most of all ones I've created in my own writing if a story. It might sound darn crazy, but loneliness isn't something that comes from just one thing, one year or one person. I think it's also the people around them, not spreading blame, I just think it is so important for ones to love beyond the words, and beyond the present and how was your day. Even more important to notice those who shouldn't be around. Evil, darkness can take the strongest down to their knees.

I wish....I wish I had that. I wish I had some sort of confidence in those I love as they will always be there. And on occasion I get to have them near by. But no one understands me and the majority of the time I'm invisible to them. It's terrible as I know they love me with their hearts. But they don't know ME, I hate it. As I want them to.  I have hoped it would one day change and at times I still believe it will happen. But the ache in my chest, it gets worse every day. I'm used to it being there, and I walk around making sure anyone I meet will never notice. Humans, we're such great actors, we never really show who we are to others. It drives me crazy. I don't know what I will ever do with this feeling, if I'll ever feel happy and content with how things are, or if I'll meet the great people on tumblr or anyone who can see and understand and connect to what I do...

Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

All I keep thinking is I hope I can fix this. I didn't mean to screw it up. I hope you don't give up on me just yet.

Sequoia Red (via Sequoia Red)

I know it sounds lame. Or perhaps too honest… I need you in my life.

Sequoia Red

I hate how I feel today. And it's for the exact same reasons. My family. The only people in my life break my heart, my spirit, and tear at my self-esteem...on top of that the strangers who enter my life and try to do the same. But my spirit has survived still. My heart may be full of nails, but it is still passionate.

 - Sequoia Red (http://www.sequoiared.tumblr.com

I want to tell someone and all I have is you. But I can't tell you and it hurts knowing I don't trust you. And I can't trust anyone else. It makes me feel segregated. Alone. It makes my heart feel divided.

- Sequoia Red

You're not...

Everyone believes that I'll be here forever. Living with them. Never leaving their side, as a weight for them to forever carry. When I moan in pain stating my frustrations my parents say nothing to comfort me. They just tell me what they need from me..fill this out for me, check this, get this.

My sister says they don't treat me like i"m sick because I don't act sick I don't complain. So I tried complaining out loud whenever I felt terrible discomfort, which is difficult.  For my survival I need that brave face. But I tried.

Yet the truth is, they don't hear it. I complained whenever I feel pain so they know it and they still don't comfort me, even when I ask them to. And I don't know why I stayed in a place where I am not even sure if they have eyes that can see me. Part of me wonders if I'd be sick at all if I had just left the moment i knew I was invisible...

- Sequoia R.

I want to be the 'me' I dream of.

I don't care if it's bad english..

- Sequoia Red