Sorry If This Is Incoherent - Tumblr Posts
nora going from writing an ace-spec main to a (probably allosexual) bi main, and the difference is so chef's kiss. they're both disasters don't get me wrong, but jean having attraction in his inner monologue even with the trauma he's been through implies to me that neil's demisexuality has absolutely nothing to do with his trauma. hilarious in retrospect because, if i remember correctly, neil in his inner monologue basically blames his lack of sexual attraction on his mother's abuse the few times he kissed girls when he was on the run, but he doesn't have a single sexual thought until andrew lets him in on his feelings in book three,,, meanwhile jean's out here actively fighting his bisexuality like his life depends on it (he thinks it does) (he'll learn it doesn't eventually)
hi good evening its about 11pm and im having thoughts about sinclair again so im typing them out
i think a lot of people see demian as like... the good ending/ultimate goal for sinclair, and while he is in a lot of ways, i dont think that's ultimately his role. i think there's a certain disconnect between demian and sinclair that needs to be acknowledged before either of them can really reach each other.
im pretty sure we all know about kromer's themes of nurture, with how much she wants to raise sinclair and mold him into her ideal, but i think we should talk about demian's themes of nature/absence. if kromer is an ever present figure, then demian is the opposite. he's pretty much completely absent from sinclair's story. in fact, it could be argued that there would be little loss if demian was entirely removed from sinclair's flashbacks, despite his significance to sinclair. demian wants to see sinclair blossom in his pure, unaltered state, but he fails to account for the fact that there truly is no "unaltered" state of a being. demian was one of sinclair's closest friends, and one of the people he relied upon the most, and when sinclair arguably needed him the most, he completely vanished.
i think it's because of demian's absence that dante is so important. fundamentally, sinclair's relationships between kromer and demian are unbalanced. he sees both of them as above himself on some subconscious level. however dante, someone who he was able to connect with on a more even level, does not have such an unbalanced relationship with sinclair. while yes, dante is his manager, it's still apparent that their relationship is more of a balanced one, as both are able to take and receive criticism from each other. unlike demian and kromer, dante maintains balance between nurture and nature with sinclair, comforting him while he is down, but not controlling his actions when he's up.
before sinclair and demian can truly connect with each other, a major shift needs to happen in their relationship. otherwise, sinclair will still see himself as below demian and demian will still disconnect himself from sinclair. in general, there is some form of disconnect demian has with reality. this is not to say that he's naive or prejudiced, but rather that he's definitely not as omnipotent as he comes across. much like sinclair, there is still plenty for him to learn as well. people don't just stop growing when they become adults, there is still plenty of change and movement left inside of them, just like any other plant or animal.
What do you guys do when y'all are getting diagnosed? I'm thinking of getting a diagnosis because I'm curious about my mental health and if I have a mental disorder
Like what questions do they ask you?
Do they even ask questions?
Do they ask questions about childhood? I'm asking because I can't remember shil
What do they do after they ask the questions?
What do I do after the diagnosis?
Do they examine me?
Can I choose the person to diagnose me? I'm more comfortable around women (no hate on males)
Is it only me and the person diagnosing me in the room? Or can my parents come in the room?
Is the room comfortable?
Are there chairs?
How long does it take?
Do they announce the diagnosis to me? Or does it need time?
Is it possible to get misdiagnosed?
Can I ask them questions?
Is it a test or is it oral?
Do I need to bring a pen or pencil? What color of pen though?
Are they loud? I don't like when people yell or have a very deep aggressive voice (no hate to those who have a deep voice) because they kinda scare me
Is there a time limit?
Do they give you a lollipop after? This is a joke (I hope they do though)
I'm asking so I could be ready for any outcome but I might cry out of nervousness or laugh
And also so I could know what to answer rather than going "yes no maybe probably I think no yes! Wait no!" And cry in the inside when I told them the wrong answer
repeat it with me :
ROMANCE-AVERSE AND ROMANCE-REPULSED AROMANTICS ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THEIR AVERSION/REPULSION!
ROMANCE-INDIFFERENT AROMANTICS ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO CARE ABOUT ROMANCE!
ROMANCE-FAVOURABLE AND ROMANCE-AMBIVALENT AROMANTICS ARE NOT LESS AROMANTIC FOR ENJOYING ROMANCE IN SOME WAYS!
FEMALE AROMANTICS ARE NOT 'QUIRKY' PICK-MES OR OLD MAIDS!
MALE AROMANTICS ARE NOT INCELS OR MISOGYNISTS!
NON-BINARY AROMANTICS ARE VALID AND SHOULD BE SUPORTED AND ARE NOT FADDISH!
ALLOSEXUAL AROMANTICS ARE NOT WHORES OR PROSTITUTES FOR HAVING SEXUAL ATTRACTION AND NOT ROMANTIC ATTRACTION!
ASEXUAL AROMANTICS ARE NOT INCOMPLETE OR MISSING SOMETHING!
AROMANTICS DON'T OWE YOU A RELATIONSHIP!
AROMANTICS DON'T OWE YOU LOVE OF ANY KIND!
hi. i dont go here but I wanna talk.
imagine being Josef Newgarden, 13 and after trying a few sports and not being too good at any, you starting karting, you immediately pick up four titles. you love it. you travel to europe and become the first american to get a Formula Ford Festival title. Europe is harsh to you and in 2011 you return back to america. Something about the home soil fuels you and you win an Indy lights championship. you get into indycar the next year.
meanwhile, across the world in New Zealand, Scott Mclaughlin becomes the youngest driver to win a Supercars race. He breaks the record for most wins in a single season. He's dominant, simple. He's just like you in every way possible. Little do you know, your future best friend is watching you become Penske Perfect. He's watching and rooting for you from an ocean over.
In 2021, Scott comes over from Supercars. You werent ever too close to anyone on the grid- but you two click. You were so used to keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, that you let him in.
in 2021, you have a best friend. you both know that being teammates and friends won't work for long. you both can bet on it long before it happens. in 2022 you create a youtube channel and start making little videos with Scott. People like you guys, they think you're funny. You're not just Josef Newgarden, 2x Indycar champion and Penske driver, but also you're 1/2 of Bus Bros. This is the closest you've ever been with a teammate on this level. It's an emotional dynamic. It carries on into 2023 with a little less passion. Heartbreak in inevitable. Some days you wanna make sure he's okay, other days you hope he suffers. You wanna break his leg- quick and aggressively, he wants to beat your skull in. You'll film a Bus Bros episode that weekend and pretend you didn't openly say that in an interview. You mindlessly believe it will be resolved, that you two can fix it when it falls apart. Scott is a realist, saying you're a limited duo. You're both too egotistical to believe you're wrong is what he says.
2023 wraps up and it's your worst season finish. What happened to Penske perfection? You were bigger than the whole sky, a demon on ovals. You were everything Penske represented. Scott's making you soft. What happened to your perfection that people said was impossible? Scott is not only your best friend, but your teammate. And he's starting to win. He's the friend you held as close as your enemies until you realized he was just like them. Coming into the 2024 season, you unfollow everyone. Rumors are spiraling and you end Bus Bros, quietly taking down the merch site. Scott refuses to answer questions besides saying to ask you about it.
It's the streets of St. Pete, Penske has an illegal car- you all know about it. You and Scott get a 1-2. Podiums are publicity, everyone has their eyes on you. Be as cordial as you can, you'll crop him out of your photos later on instagram.
The cooldown room is more tense, Scott refuses to sit by you. The cars illegal, they figure it out in Long Beach. The St. Pete 1-2 gets stripped away from you. Scott sees things level and you're hungry only for another win, to be seen as the winner you once were. The Barber press conference is an embarrassment for you, you're spilling your guts on a white table while cameras flash. Scott admits to it and takes subtle digs at you in an interview. (x,x)
Scott takes pole position at the 500. Scott leads the most laps. But you won. Your hunger motivated you and here it is, the proof you're better. You lost your best friend for it. you're the first back to back Indy 500 race winner since 2001-2002. People are calling you the villain. This is how it ends. Scott makes fun of you during your speech, "I still love you my bus bro." And thats how it ends. You're still cropping eachother out of posts. You seldomly talk. It's not over though, and it never will be.
Oh and Will Power is there.