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I Wish That I Was Good Enough

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Warnings - Season 15 spoilers, episode 3 spoilers - please don’t read if you haven’t watched episode 3, I really don’t want to be the reason that it has been spoiled for you! Angst.

Requested - anon - please do one were the reader comforts cas and goes off with him after that mess of an episode!!  Please

Hunting with the Winchesters had never been easy, there was always a next big threat but somehow the lot of you had managed. Right now as you sat in the car on the way back to the bunker, the tension thick and uncomfortable, you wondered how you were going to survive. Sure Rowena had sacrificed herself but you knew it wouldn’t be that easy, something big was yet to come. Tears filled your eyes as you thought of Rowena but you quickly blinked them away, this wasn’t the time for tears, you could cry when you were alone.

Sam was sat quietly, staring out of the window, Dean’s hands were turning white as he gripped the wheel angrily, Castiel sat next to you alternating between looking at Sam in concern and Dean in sadness. Without drawing too much attention to yourself you reached over and grabbed Castiel’s hand in yours, you knew Dean blamed him but you also trusted that Castiel did what he had to do and knowing that he had killed Belphegor, who was wearing Jack’s corpse taking away the slight hope Jack would come back, well that had you believing in Castiel’s decision even more. 

The drive back to the bunker dragged but eventually you were all climbing out of the car and separating from the entrance. You watched as Castiel and Sam wandered off down the hall, parting ways quickly. Dean stood slightly in front of you, concern written clearly on his features as his eyes followed his little brother. He let out a sigh before following Sam, leaving you to stand alone. You decided that you’d find Castiel, Dean was comforting Sam so that was covered but Castiel needed somebody too.

-

-

-

“I killed him.” Castiel told you before you had a chance to speak. 

“Yeah I know but I don’t think you would’ve done it unless you had to.” You told him honestly, you still didn’t know exactly what had gone down but you believed what you said.

“He was going to consume every soul, take over Hell, Earth, everything. I couldn’t- Y/N, I couldn’t let him. I’m sorry about Rowena, truly I am, but-” Castiel’s voice was heavy with emotion causing you to frown and step into the room, you sat next to him and took his hand in yours.

“Things always go wrong, nothing goes to plan, not with the Winchesters. But we improvise and we make it work. I’m sorry about Rowena too, she was my friend and I’ll miss her everyday but she made that decision. And Belphegor, he was a demon, he was always going to betray us. You can’t beat yourself up over this Cas.” With a sigh, Castiel turned to you looking utterly broken and you quickly wrapped him in a tight hug. He let you hug him, taking comfort in the tight hold you had on him as he hugged you back before letting go after only a few moments. 

“I should go and speak to Dean.” He informed you as he pulled away from you.

“You think that’s a good idea, Cas? Why not let him cool off?” You tried but knew it was useless, Castiel wouldn’t feel any better until he at least explained himself to Dean.

“No, no, I should go now. Thank you Y/N.” With that he left the room and you couldn’t help but frown in worry at his retreating figure.

-

-

-

“Something went wrong, you know this, something always goes wrong.” You heard Castiel tell Dean, you weren’t intentionally eavesdropping but you didn’t want to enter the room now either.

“Yeah why does that something always seem to be you?” You heard Dean ask and barely managed to conceal the gasp that left your lips. That was a low blow and Dean had to know it. You could just about see Cas and watched the emotions he was feeling play out on his face, your heart broke for him.

The silence between them was uncomfortable and you just about managed to stop yourself from going into the room to defuse the situation, as messy and cruel as it was they needed to get everything out there. The feelings Dean was carrying around towards Castiel were interfering with everything.

“You used to trust me,” your heart sank further as you listen to Castiel, “give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. Well, I don't think there's anything left to say.”

“Where you going?” Dean asked and you leaned in wanting to know that exact thing.

“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. Y/N has you both. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

Your eyes filled with tears as you heard Castiel, he considered you family and believing that none of you cared for him, that you were just using him broke your heart. Dean, Sam and you all cared deeply for Castiel no matter what Dean made him believe. Watching Castiel walk out of the door was one of the hardest things you’d witnessed, this coming from a hunter who had seen a whole lot of bad, terrifying, heart wrenching things.

Dean’s eyes were watery when you stepped into the room. He looked up and frowned when he saw the tears sliding down your face with no show of stopping. 

“Y/N.” He started, reaching out to gently grab your arm but you shoved him away. 

“How dare you! You know Castiel would do anything for the Winchester’s, sure he’s fucked up in the past and I’m sorry about your mom, OK, but the way you treated him-” Here you cut yourself off, reaching up to angrily rub the tears from your cheeks before turning away and following the same route Castiel had just taken.

“Hey, where- Y/N, where are you going?” He asked, face hardening as to not portray anything he was feeling though the red around his eyes stood out.

“I’m going with Castiel.” You told him, your tone harsh. 

“Y/N!” Dean called but you were quick to leave the bunker, not even bothering to pack a bag. You had to find Castiel.

Luckily he was still outside the bunker, looking paler and more tired than you’d seen him. Quickly you made you way over to him and wrapped him in another hug, he jolted slightly in your arms, not expecting anyone to have followed him out.

“What are you doing out here?” Castiel asked, voice thick with emotion.

“I heard you and Dean. He had no right to treat you like that Cas-”

“He has every right, he blames me for Mary. Nothing I can do will make that right with him.” He told you, cutting you off. 

“Cas-” You tried but he just shook his head.

“You should go back inside, I will be leaving but I am glad to have seen you one last time.” The sadness was so prominent in his voice causing you to frown and squeeze him tighter.

“I’m not leaving you Castiel, so you either come back inside with me or we both leave. It’s your choice.” You told him, leaving absolutely no room for argument.

“Y/N, I couldn’t ask you to-”

“You’re not asking me to do anything Cas, I want to be with you.” You told him, trying desperately to convey your sincerity. You loved the Winchester boys, they were family to you but so was Castiel and he was right, they had each other, it was the way it was suppose to be. Sam and Dean Winchester running the family business, no Castiel, no Y/N. That’s the way the story was supposed to be.

“I cannot go back.” Cas told you causing you to nod and pull away.

“Well then angel, let’s go on our own adventure.” You smiled weakly at him and held your hand out, the smile becoming more genuine as he took your hand in his.

“Where to?” Castiel asked you with his own sad smile.

“Anywhere.” You grinned at him.

You knew that the fight God himself had started was far from over but if the world was going to end then you were going to live life to the fullest and make damn well sure that Castiel did the same. In the life you all lived you couldn’t have regrets, knowing any day would be the last. Castiel squeezed your hand and with that the two of you started a new adventure, one neither of you had ever had before.

Somehow Supernatural

Chapter 4: Something New in the New

Summary: Casey gets threatened with death, but gets to leave with Crowley, so it's fine.

Tags: teen!oc, gn!oc, superpowered!oc, Winchesters being assholes, Castiel being the voice of reason, Dean pissing himself, demon dogs, crying

Sam told me to sit down on the couch and not move. Of course, I didn’t move. He was shoving a fucking angel blade in my face. He looked so angry, and his anger didn’t simmer when he saw my scared shitless face. It didn’t even simmer when Dean and Castiel came into the room.

“They're a monster, Dean,” Sam told his brother right as he entered the room. Dean didn’t look angry. He just looked disappointed.

The older brother sighed, “Guess I really do have to kill them.”

“No!” Castiel and Crowley yelled out.

I would have protested too, but I was so fucking scared. It’s no fun being on the bad side of the Winchesters. For the first time since this whole thing started, I really just wanted to go home. The only thing that was scary back at home was grades. No one was trying to kill me there.

“What do you mean no?” Sam’s head snapped to Castiel, “This is what we agreed on.”

“You can’t kill them,” Castiel moved so his body was blocking mine, “I won’t let you.”

“Neither will I, by the way,” Crowley stepped up next to Cas, “They’re special. They're not just some low-level demon that I’ll allow you to kill off.”

“So, they’re a demon?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know,” Crowly responded honestly.

Well, that was really reassuring. The fucking King of Hell couldn’t figure out what I was, the Winchester brothers wanted to kill me, and I was freaking out. It was too fucking early for the shit.

“They are not a demon,” Castiel finally decided to say something, “They are not a monster. They are, however, something very powerful-”

“More of a reason to kill them!”

“Do not interrupt me, Dean,” Dean looked taken aback, but stayed quiet, “They may be powerful, but they don’t know how to use this power. They are as harmful as a paper cut. They are also a child. You will not kill someone that is innocent just because they have powers that they weren’t aware of.”

“You’re telling me they didn’t know!” It was Sam this time that yelled.

Castiel stayed calm, “No, they didn’t know. Look how scared they are.”

The angel moved over slightly so the brothers could get a good look at me. I don’t remember when it happened, but tears were now on my face. I was trying to make myself as small as possible as if that would keep me safe, and, again, I had no idea what was going on. They could probably see it in my eyes.

Castiel was now fully back in front of me and I was grateful. Not to sound like a broken record, but I was so fucking scared. I looked over to Crowley and saw he was already looking at me. If I wasn’t hallucinating, it looked like the demon felt bad.

“...so we’re not going to kill them,” Castiel was still talking, “We can take them somewhere else, but we’re not killing them.”

I heard huffs of agreement before Castiel moved from in front of me. I saw Sam and it looked like he felt pretty guilty for almost shanking me. He couldn’t meet my eyes. Dean just stared at me like he was expecting me to do something bad any second.

Crowley didn’t move from his spot in front of me. I didn’t mind, but I think others had something to say about it.

“Why are you still standing there?” Dean asked. His eyes were accusatory.

“The dog is in front of me,” Crowley stated casually.

“What dog? There’s no dog, Crowley.”

“Oh, squirrel,” the demon smirked, “It’s a demon dog,” Dean took a huge step back and almost tripped on his own feet, “You of all people should know that they’re invisible.”

“Why…” Dean's face looked as white as a sheet, “Why is there a demon dog in the bunker?”

“Casey asked.”

Dean’s eyes snapped to me. Really? Did Crowley really have to throw me under the bus like that? Right after they agreed not to kill me? Dean looked too scared to be mad, but he still tried. 

“I was curious,” I mumbled.

“J-just get it out of here!” Dean squeaked.

I frowned. One of those big frowns that looks cartoonish.

“Crowley?” I started.

“Yes, child?”

“Could you please make Steven leave?”

“Steven?” Crowley lifted his eyebrow in amusement.

“Yes, Steven. Steven the demon dog. The right-hand man of the King of Hell himself,” I snorted and then started laughing hysterically. I started laughing so hard that more tears ran down my cheeks. Not because of fear this time, but because I named a fucking real-life demon dog Steven.

“Casey is in shock,” Castiel stated.

“Yeah…” Sam muttered guiltily. 

Crowley took out his whistle after staring at me like I was crazy and blew. I felt fur brush across my ankles before the demon said that the demon dog was gone. 

“Now,” Crowley said, “I think it would be best if I took them.”

Sam and Dean looked like they were about to protest, but Crowley gave them the ‘talk to the hand’.

“From what I saw, you can’t keep them safe. If anything, you two idiots would be the ones to kill them, and I will not let that happen. So,” Crowley wiped nonexistent lint from his suit jacket, “They should come with me.”

“Cas?” the old brother asked the angel.

“For now,” Castiel took a breath, “I agree with Crowley.”

“Great! Now go get your stuff, child.” Crowley waved his hand in the general direction of the bedrooms. The thing is, I’d never been to my room before. Remember? I slept on the fucking couch.

“I, um, don’t know where my room is,” I twiddled my thumbs.

“Right, these pigs made you sleep on the couch,” the King of Hell sneered.

“We didn’t-”

“I found them asleep on the couch. You made them sleep on the couch,” Crowley snapped.

“I will lead you to your room. You can get your clothes,” Castiel offered.

There was no chance in hell that I was gonna get more clothes like the ones I had on. I would rather sever my fingers with a plastic knife before wearing these rags. Seriously, who picked these abominations?

“If clothes are all I need to get from there… I think I’m good,” the angel tilted his head in confusion, “The clothes probably look like shit or they’re flannel. I’m not wearing either of those. I have pride.”

Sam and Dean looked offended, but I didn’t really care.

“Crowley can get me clothes that don’t make me wanna wash my eyes with bleach,” I turned to the demon in question, “Right?”

He sighed, “I can.”

“Great! Then, I’m ready to go!”

“Alright, child. Out the door then.”

“You drove?” I was surprised. I thought he was gonna teleport me out of here or I was gonna find out that he had wings. Plus, I had cars in my own world. Riding in one now is so fucking lame when there’s supernatural shit that can help you travel.

Crowley scoffed, “Of course not.”

Crowley and I were at the top of the stairs when I decided to acknowledge the men - and angel - I was leaving behind. I wasn’t very fond of Sam or Dean right now, but Castiel probably saved my ass today. He saw something in me that made him want to spare me. Something that he didn’t see in whoever occupied this body before.

I turned and smiled, “Thanks, Castiel. Hope to see you soon.”

The last thing I saw before the door closed was Dean and Sam looking like guilty little fuckers. They were enough dumb to think that after voting to kill me that they were gonna get a goodbye. 

AN: We're getting to the good part.

Somehow Supernatural

Chapter 5: Witch Women Run The World

Summary: Casey meets Rowena.

Tags: oc!character, teen!oc, superpowered!oc, gn!oc, pretty witch, mother/son relationship (between Crowley and Rowena)

A/N: This chapter is pretty short cause I can't drag things out for the life of me. I'm working on it, I swear.

Crowley wasn’t lying. He didn’t drive here, someone else drove him. I mean, if I was the ruler of Hell, I wouldn’t drive myself around either… but as the ruler of a badass realm, couldn’t he have gotten something cooler than a car? 

I would usually just ask, but I decided against it. He may have been nice to me so far, but I don’t wanna piss him off. He’s still a demon and could most definitely beat my ass. I am not up for that smoke.

“So… where are we going?” I was sat in the left-side seat in the back of Crowley’s car. Crowley was sitting right next to me.

“I don’t know if you can handle Hell yet,” I sat up straighter in my seat, “So we’re going somewhere that I own, but it’s on Earth.”

I was kinda disappointed that he thought I couldn’t handle Hell. I had seen his throne room plenty of times while watching the show. I had even seen the dungeons. Being there in real life couldn’t be that different. Plus, I wanted to see Rowena. She hung out in Hell by the time Sam and Dean lived in the bunker, right?

“Um…” I started. I wanted to ask the King of Hell about his mother, but I wasn’t sure how he’d react. I mean, they didn’t have the best track record.

“Spit it out, child,” Crowley commented nonchalantly.

“I - um… am I gonna get to meet Rowena?”

Crowley’s head snapped to mine, “How do you know my mother?” He asked suspiciously.

“Well,” Again, I didn’t feel like it was the safest option to tell people about how they were in a show that I binged so, I responded with, “I’m just a big fan of hers.”

Crowley didn’t look fully convinced, but he let it drop. I was glad. I’m not all that good with confrontation, so I probably would have let the truth spill if he kept pestering me.

We didn’t talk for the rest of the ride. I just stared out of the window and sometimes took a look in the rearview mirror to see whoever was driving. Obviously, it was a demon. I’m assuming he was low-ranked. Every time we locked eyes, he would make his eyes turn black. I don’t know if he thought he was scary or what. It was kind of embarrassing on his part.

It had been about an hour car ride before we finally came to a stop. I was itching to get out. The excitement of riding in the same car as the ruler of Hell had worn off by the 25-minute mark. I never liked riding in cars much because, in my original body, I was pretty tall so it was always uncomfortable. In the body I had now, I could stretch out and stuff but, my ass was so fucking boney. I couldn’t feel it and it was starting to be really uncomfy.

So, yeah, I’m glad we finally made it to our destination.

Which was a… warehouse? Really, Crowley? So original. It was pretty big and it didn't look that run down. There were a few people - sorry demons - walking around. Not sure what they were doing, but they looked busy.

“Child,” Crowley called back to me. I was looking around like a kid in a candy store, so I didn’t notice that Crowley had walked halfway to the warehouse doors.

I ran to keep up.

Running hurt my knees which hurt my heart. How could this body not allow me to run without any pain? I loved running. Running was my thing. The only sport my parents put me in that I actually liked. I was good at it. 

Welp, at least I had magic or some shit.

Two demons opened the door for Crowley and me. I felt like I was the King of Hell. 

I looked around the expansive interior of the building. It didn’t look like a warehouse at all. It looked like a crappy ballroom… which was a compliment. The floors were splintery wood, the walls were a tan color, the windows were draped with red floor-to-ceiling curtains, and there was a throne. The throne sat a couple of steps up from the rest of the room, and it looked like it was already occupied.

I turned to see Crowley’s face. He looked mildly annoyed.

“Mother, get out of my chair,” he huffed.

At his words, a short redhead stood from the throne. She was wearing a flowing emerald green dress that had intricate patterns sewn in made of jewels. Her fire-red hair was in a half-up-half-down hairstyle which did wonders for her jawline. She looked magical, and she was.

“Holy fucking shit on a brick,” I mouthed breathlessly. 

“Such a foul mouth for such a small little thing,” Rowena chuckled at me.

Not being able to stop myself I said, “Says you.”

I clamped my mouth shut thinking I messed up big time and that I was gonna die from a painful hex, but the witch just smiled. 

“Such a fierce soul,” She placed her hand on her hip, “I like it.”

Oh my god. Oh my god! Oh my god! Rowena, the most beautiful and most powerful witch in existence, just said she liked me. Me! I am most definitely moving up in the world.

“Mother, this child has powers,” Crowley gestured to me like I was on display, “They have the potential to be as strong as you. They just need a teacher.”

Crowley wants his mother to teach me? 

“I’m assuming you want me to teach them?” Rowena asks with a raised eyebrow.

It didn’t seem like she was too on board with the idea. I know in the show she usually does things only if they benefit her, and making another person who is just as strong as her doesn’t really seem like a benefit. I mean, I know that I would never ever ever try to attack someone like Rowena, but she just met me. She’ll probably say no.

“Hmm, I don’t see why not.”

I started jumping around like I was on an invisible pogo stick. Or like a frog. I wasn’t really trying to imitate anything; I was just excited. I can’t believe I would be getting trained by Rowena to hone my magic skills. Magic skills. I never thought I would have magic, but here I am. Having magic. Jumping around in one of Crowley’s hideouts. 

…embarrassing myself in front of the most powerful witch in the world.

I stopped jumping, “Thank you for the opportunity, ma’am.”

“Ma’am?” Rowena put a hand to her chest, “I’m not that old-”

“Yes, you are,” mumbled Crowley.

“Shut your mouth, boy.” From the glare that Rowena was giving him, Crowley shut up quick, “As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, you can just call me Rowena.”

I gave the witch a smile, “Okay, Rowena.”

With that, Rowena turned to her son, “Are we heading to Hell now?”

“That’s not a good idea Mother-”

“They can handle it just fine. Right?”

I wasn’t sure what I could handle. I didn’t know if I was gonna die from shock or melt to ash, but one thing is for sure: I was gonna take the risk. Who doesn’t want to get a trailer of the place they’re going to go when they die?

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I announced. I started to steel myself for what was to come.

“...alright,” Crowley finally conceded.

With a snap of his fingers, we were off.

A/N: TO HELL! Nothing bad will happen... right??

Characters who should be canonically bi or would have been better if they were bi

Dean Winchester (and I mean like a solid confirmation)

Sam Winchester (I mean him and Brady definently had something [but no incest please])

Percy Jackson

Piper Maclaine

Melchior Gabor (or honestly most of the sa characters)

Sokka

Suki

Barry Allen

Harry Potter (or honestly anybody there)

Katniss Everdeen (hear me out you guys)

Jake Paralta

Chandler Bing

Phoebe Buffay

Leslie Knope

Anyone from the office tbh

Feel free to add more

Honestly I forgot how much I loved sam especially in the early seasons. He was just really sweet badass at the same time. He deserved better too.

Also can we talk about the gender envy I got from that boy

Yet another major political event happening around the same time dean winchester is confirmed bi

Pretty boy both a sword, Pretty girl with a sword... what more could a bisexual ask for?

Prince Philip died yesterday.... we should have known

Sam winchester is honestly such a good charachter to write for. Growing up possibly queer in a oppressive family? Check. Religous trauma? Check. Born to die trope? Check. Going againt your destiny trope? Check. Endured enough trauma goes 100 people but still a kind hearted person? Check.