I Wish That I Was Good Enough

I Wish That I Was Good Enough

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Warnings - Season 15 spoilers, episode 3 spoilers - please don’t read if you haven’t watched episode 3, I really don’t want to be the reason that it has been spoiled for you! Angst.

Requested - anon - please do one were the reader comforts cas and goes off with him after that mess of an episode!!  Please

Hunting with the Winchesters had never been easy, there was always a next big threat but somehow the lot of you had managed. Right now as you sat in the car on the way back to the bunker, the tension thick and uncomfortable, you wondered how you were going to survive. Sure Rowena had sacrificed herself but you knew it wouldn’t be that easy, something big was yet to come. Tears filled your eyes as you thought of Rowena but you quickly blinked them away, this wasn’t the time for tears, you could cry when you were alone.

Sam was sat quietly, staring out of the window, Dean’s hands were turning white as he gripped the wheel angrily, Castiel sat next to you alternating between looking at Sam in concern and Dean in sadness. Without drawing too much attention to yourself you reached over and grabbed Castiel’s hand in yours, you knew Dean blamed him but you also trusted that Castiel did what he had to do and knowing that he had killed Belphegor, who was wearing Jack’s corpse taking away the slight hope Jack would come back, well that had you believing in Castiel’s decision even more. 

The drive back to the bunker dragged but eventually you were all climbing out of the car and separating from the entrance. You watched as Castiel and Sam wandered off down the hall, parting ways quickly. Dean stood slightly in front of you, concern written clearly on his features as his eyes followed his little brother. He let out a sigh before following Sam, leaving you to stand alone. You decided that you’d find Castiel, Dean was comforting Sam so that was covered but Castiel needed somebody too.

-

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-

“I killed him.” Castiel told you before you had a chance to speak. 

“Yeah I know but I don’t think you would’ve done it unless you had to.” You told him honestly, you still didn’t know exactly what had gone down but you believed what you said.

“He was going to consume every soul, take over Hell, Earth, everything. I couldn’t- Y/N, I couldn’t let him. I’m sorry about Rowena, truly I am, but-” Castiel’s voice was heavy with emotion causing you to frown and step into the room, you sat next to him and took his hand in yours.

“Things always go wrong, nothing goes to plan, not with the Winchesters. But we improvise and we make it work. I’m sorry about Rowena too, she was my friend and I’ll miss her everyday but she made that decision. And Belphegor, he was a demon, he was always going to betray us. You can’t beat yourself up over this Cas.” With a sigh, Castiel turned to you looking utterly broken and you quickly wrapped him in a tight hug. He let you hug him, taking comfort in the tight hold you had on him as he hugged you back before letting go after only a few moments. 

“I should go and speak to Dean.” He informed you as he pulled away from you.

“You think that’s a good idea, Cas? Why not let him cool off?” You tried but knew it was useless, Castiel wouldn’t feel any better until he at least explained himself to Dean.

“No, no, I should go now. Thank you Y/N.” With that he left the room and you couldn’t help but frown in worry at his retreating figure.

-

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-

“Something went wrong, you know this, something always goes wrong.” You heard Castiel tell Dean, you weren’t intentionally eavesdropping but you didn’t want to enter the room now either.

“Yeah why does that something always seem to be you?” You heard Dean ask and barely managed to conceal the gasp that left your lips. That was a low blow and Dean had to know it. You could just about see Cas and watched the emotions he was feeling play out on his face, your heart broke for him.

The silence between them was uncomfortable and you just about managed to stop yourself from going into the room to defuse the situation, as messy and cruel as it was they needed to get everything out there. The feelings Dean was carrying around towards Castiel were interfering with everything.

“You used to trust me,” your heart sank further as you listen to Castiel, “give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. Well, I don't think there's anything left to say.”

“Where you going?” Dean asked and you leaned in wanting to know that exact thing.

“Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. Y/N has you both. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

Your eyes filled with tears as you heard Castiel, he considered you family and believing that none of you cared for him, that you were just using him broke your heart. Dean, Sam and you all cared deeply for Castiel no matter what Dean made him believe. Watching Castiel walk out of the door was one of the hardest things you’d witnessed, this coming from a hunter who had seen a whole lot of bad, terrifying, heart wrenching things.

Dean’s eyes were watery when you stepped into the room. He looked up and frowned when he saw the tears sliding down your face with no show of stopping. 

“Y/N.” He started, reaching out to gently grab your arm but you shoved him away. 

“How dare you! You know Castiel would do anything for the Winchester’s, sure he’s fucked up in the past and I’m sorry about your mom, OK, but the way you treated him-” Here you cut yourself off, reaching up to angrily rub the tears from your cheeks before turning away and following the same route Castiel had just taken.

“Hey, where- Y/N, where are you going?” He asked, face hardening as to not portray anything he was feeling though the red around his eyes stood out.

“I’m going with Castiel.” You told him, your tone harsh. 

“Y/N!” Dean called but you were quick to leave the bunker, not even bothering to pack a bag. You had to find Castiel.

Luckily he was still outside the bunker, looking paler and more tired than you’d seen him. Quickly you made you way over to him and wrapped him in another hug, he jolted slightly in your arms, not expecting anyone to have followed him out.

“What are you doing out here?” Castiel asked, voice thick with emotion.

“I heard you and Dean. He had no right to treat you like that Cas-”

“He has every right, he blames me for Mary. Nothing I can do will make that right with him.” He told you, cutting you off. 

“Cas-” You tried but he just shook his head.

“You should go back inside, I will be leaving but I am glad to have seen you one last time.” The sadness was so prominent in his voice causing you to frown and squeeze him tighter.

“I’m not leaving you Castiel, so you either come back inside with me or we both leave. It’s your choice.” You told him, leaving absolutely no room for argument.

“Y/N, I couldn’t ask you to-”

“You’re not asking me to do anything Cas, I want to be with you.” You told him, trying desperately to convey your sincerity. You loved the Winchester boys, they were family to you but so was Castiel and he was right, they had each other, it was the way it was suppose to be. Sam and Dean Winchester running the family business, no Castiel, no Y/N. That’s the way the story was supposed to be.

“I cannot go back.” Cas told you causing you to nod and pull away.

“Well then angel, let’s go on our own adventure.” You smiled weakly at him and held your hand out, the smile becoming more genuine as he took your hand in his.

“Where to?” Castiel asked you with his own sad smile.

“Anywhere.” You grinned at him.

You knew that the fight God himself had started was far from over but if the world was going to end then you were going to live life to the fullest and make damn well sure that Castiel did the same. In the life you all lived you couldn’t have regrets, knowing any day would be the last. Castiel squeezed your hand and with that the two of you started a new adventure, one neither of you had ever had before.

Heart to Heart

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Requested - Dean Winchester x reader with the prompts 19 - “The truth is being with you scares me. But not being with you…terrifies me” and 23 - “Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you.” 

Y/N had been hunting with the Winchester’s for a long time, you’d met them whilst you were hunting a nest of vampires and ended up making quite a team. Once they had found out what the vampires had done to your family they opened their home up to you, you had happily accepted the invitation and since then had grown close to them. Whilst you liked both men you had been drawn to Dean more, you went to him when you were scared, when you couldn’t sleep due to nightmares from your past. You shared the bed with him more times than not when the three, sometimes four depending on if Castiel joined, travelled. You knew you were falling for the taller man but also knew nothing could come from it, this life wasn’t for people who thought they could have a slice of happiness, getting to close to someone got you and them hurt but still you couldn’t help soaking up all the hugs, the touches, the lingering glances between Dean and you.

Even with the apocalypse world situation nothing had changed between you and Dean, you were still friends, the best of friends, and nothing more. You joked and flirted, everyone could tell there was something there but you knew Dean was just joking, no matter how much Sam tried to convince you otherwise.

The bunker was currently fuller than usual, Rowena here helping with opening the gate to the apocalypse world, Gabriel recovering and helping were he could, Castiel, Sam and Dean were getting ready to go to the other side. You, however, sat staring at Dean with an angry glare. He had banned you from going, said it was too dangerous which was true but what wasn’t dangerous in this life? You knew when you joined the boys your life would be dangerous, that every action would have a consequence but you wanted to help! You were going to the apocalypse world with or without Dean’s permission, just let him try and stop you.

“Listen, I’m not apologising for protecting you-“ Dean began but was quickly cut off by you protesting, “I don’t need protection Dean Winchester, I’m a big girl and I’m perfectly capable of protecting myself!” Kneeling in front of you Dean sighed before continuing, “I know you can but you haven’t dealt with a threat this big before, Hell, we don’t even know what we’re walking into. You- I won’t let you go in there. I need you too damn much.” You looked at him for a long moment. As much as you wanted the words to mean something, and in any other situation they would, you couldn’t listen to them at the moment. You needed to go with them, help them!

“I’m going with you whether you like it or not.” Your voice was firm as you stood from your chair, pushing past him. He barely stayed balanced in his squatting position before he stood up and went to follow you, only to be stopped by Sam who put his hand on Dean's shoulder and shook his head slightly.

“She’s right, the clock may run out on us.” You heard as you tuned back into the conversation. You knew Castiel and Rowena were right, you hadn’t been to the other world but from what you’d been told it was big and the chance of finding Mary and Jack was, well it was slim.

Looking up you saw Gabriel enter the room, holding a vial of his grace. As Rowena held it up you frowned a confused expression making its way onto yours, and everyone else’s face. With an uneasy look towards Castiel, Rowena used the small amount of grace to finish the spell. As the angels grabbed their blades and Sam and Dean grabbed their bags, you leant against the door frame, your own bag hidden in your room a few doors down.

“I need you to trust me.” Dean said as he came over to you, a hand reaching up to cup your cheek, it took all your strength not to lean into his touch. “I’m not benching you to be an ass, I’m trying to protect you. Hell, I don’t even want Sammy in there. I can’t have both of you in there, I’m sorry Y/N. I really am.”

“You don’t need to be worried about protecting me in there Dean! Sure I haven’t fought archangels like you have but I’ve fought enough creatures to the point where you should know I can handle my own shit. Stop looking at me like a child who told you they want to be an astronaut, I can actually do this.” You were angry, you had been with the Winchester’s for a few years now. Had been through thick and thin with them and still when the biggest fight was here Dean didn’t trust you. You turned and walked out of the room, the older Winchester following you right out.

“I trust you, Y/N, you know I do!” Dean said causing you to scoff, he paused to glare at you before continuing. “Is it that hard to believe I care about you too much?”

“Whatever. Just go, I don’t even care. I’ll just follow your orders and stay here!” He went to respond, looking just as frustrated as you felt, but was cut off by Sam shouting him into the room.

“Y/N, before I go, in case something happens you have to know,” here he paused for a few long moments, “I - I do trust you.” It could have been the many emotions you were feeling but you swore you saw regret in his eyes, like he was telling the truth but not the whole truth. You shrugged it off, rolling your eyes at his retreating figure before following him into the room again.

You all watched as Rowena completed the spell, the portal appeared before collapsing, all you heads titling with it. The group in front of you began arguing about Gabriel’s grace before Castiel started explaining how they needed archangel grace.

“We need Lucifer.” His voice was firm, there was no arguing with the statement, though that didn’t stop them. Your eyes darted towards Sam and then Rowena, feeling sympathy for them both but knowing Castiel was right. Gabriel wasn’t healed and the gate needed to be opened as soon as possible.

-

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Sam, Dean and Castiel excused themselves to go and discuss things in the kitchen. You left for your bedroom not completely understanding what needed discussing, as much as Sam had reason to despise Lucifer he was the only way that the door to the apocalypse world could be opened.

For the amount of time you had spent with Sam and Dean, you hadn’t had the chance to meet Lucifer. They kept you as far away from him as humanly possible. They had told you what he had done to Cas, to Sam but you weren’t scared of him, well not as much as you probably should’ve been. It sort of made sense, Lucifer wanting to destroy the world his Father made after being put in the cage. That didn’t mean you agreed with what Lucifer had done, just that you could sort of see his side.

The apocalypse world was going to be dangerous, you knew that much. Dean was worried about going in there and that should have been enough to scare you but you couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. You’d lost one family and you refused to sit around and do nothing while this family was in danger.

There was a knock on your door and you looked up to see Castiel leaning against the frame. “Dean wanted to come but I didn’t think you’d want to see him right now.” He said causing you to smile. “Rowena and Gabriel have gone to collect Lucifer. I’d expect them back shortly.”

You nodded at Castiel and told him you’d be out soon before closing the door and double checking your bag. You had guns, extra bullets, a knife, flashlights and your angel blade which you stole from Dean a year or so ago. You planned to go through to the apocalypse world after Sam, Dean, Gabriel and Cas had had time to move. Rowena wouldn’t let you go without a fight but if Lucifer was there then maybe she wouldn’t be as focused on you.

-

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By the time you walked back into the library, Rowena was grinding the ingredients for the spell again and a man you’d never met before was knelt on the ground. Lucifer, that was Lucifer. He had just started the regain consciousness when you quietly walked in.

“Oh hey Sam,” he smirked before taking in the rest of the room, “oh look at that, all the people I love to torture in the same room.” Then his eyes locked with yours and you raised an eyebrow. “Expect you, whose she? New pet?” He was cut off as Rowena placed the bowl of ingredients under him and he put the pieces together. Your eyes widened as Castiel stepped forward and slit the archangels throat, grace pooling from the wound.

Sam told Lucifer of his plan before Rowena performed the spell again, this time the door was bright and wide and Sam’s plan of draining Lucifer seemed like it would actually work, seemed like something would finally go right for them.

“...Then, when we get back, then we’ll kill you.” Sam said, pointing his figure at the archangel. The unbothered, almost bored, “cool” Lucifer let out made you snort quietly; never piss off a Winchester.

Whilst Sam checked in with Rowena, Dean made his way over to you. “Listen I know you’re still made at me but I need you to know this before I go,” He took a deep breath, moments passed before he looked at you again, ““Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you. If I don’t make it back, I just- I need you to know that, ok?”

Before you could reply Gabriel was asking the group if they were ready and before you knew it each of them passed through the doorway, Dean throwing you one last look over his shoulder. Well now you absolutely needed to go to the apocalypse world, not only to help Jack and Mary but if something happened to Dean, not that you didn’t doubt he’d find a way back from the dead, he wouldn’t know you felt the same about him.

Sometimes you really hated the hunter’s life.

-

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-

You sat watching Lucifer stare down at the bowl filled with his grace. He looked slightly defeated before turning his attention to Rowena, beginning to pick at her. You raised your eyebrow as you listened to him, “sort of old-fashioned rightness to it, if you think about it. The men going off to face the trials and glories of war. Woman staying home in the kitchen, where she belongs.” You felt your own fists clench and you had to close your eyes to resist the urge to get up and punch the archangel. As you watched him smile innocently at Rowena you had to give credit to her, she knew how to handle the Devil.

Once he saw he wasn’t getting a reaction out of Rowena he turned to you, smirking when he saw he was already getting a reaction out of you. Rowena placed a hand on your knee, just out of sight of Lucifer, and you took a deep breath knowing you couldn’t let him get to you.

“What about you then? Never tortured you before. Dean Winchester seems fond of you, is that how your relationship works? Dean goes off doing the real work, the man's work and you, what, you stay here like a good little girlfriend? Ready to stitch up his wounds and fetch him drinks all day? Is that it?” You felt Rowena’s grip on you tighten as your jaw clenched painfully. “Oh no that’s not it. You wanted to go, didn’t you? But Dean doesn’t think you’re strong enough, does he?” You focused your attention back on the book in front of you, trying your best not to show Lucifer he was getting to you. He kept prodding but you wouldn’t budge, Rowena’s grip on you helping hold you down.

Again, the lack of reaction caused Lucifer to pause before he started singing obnoxiously. You and Rowena shared a look of exasperation, both ready to be done with the archangel and if you didn’t need him he’d be dead already. You watched Rowena place her hand on her head and hoped the group in the apocalypse world would be quick for her sake, you couldn’t wait until you went across.

-

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-

“I told her I loved her, man. I finally confessed and we get dragged into this world before she could say anything, Hell even a rejection would be better than nothing.” Dean sighed, Sam looked at him in sympathy knowing just how long his older brother had been trying to work up the courage to tell Y/N how he felt. It was moments like this were he wished Dean and him could just live a normal life, let Dean be happy for once.

“Let’s just make it through this and then you’ll see her. Trust me, she’s just as crazy about you as you are about her.” Dean didn’t look convinced but shrugged his shoulders; trying to focus on this world and not on his world.

The subject changed onto Dean’s worry about Sam, how he seemed different in this world but that quickly got interrupted by a woman’s scream. Gabriel tried to dissuade them from intervening but saving people was their job.

-

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-

Lucifer’s singing carried on before he changed the topic on his last encounter with Rowena. You could see he was getting to her and took this as your chance. Quietly you slipped out of the room, a strong sense of guilt and sympathy for the witch but you knew you had to leave. You grabbed your bag and headed back to the doorway to the apocalypses, pausing before entering the room as you heard Rowena snap. You heard her tell Lucifer that Jack was on the other side, a bad feeling settling in your stomach as you snuck passed and into the doorway.

“Ow!” You cried as you fell face first through the crack. You looked around and felt a chill run up your back, this world was worse than what Sam and Dean had said. You pulled the angel blade from your bag, stuffing it tightly in your boot before pulling the gun out. You looked around, trying to figure out which way to go before you shot around, gun pointed up as you heard something behind you.

“What are you doing here?” You raised an eyebrow as Lucifer questioned you.

“I could ask you the same thing!” You bit back, lowering your gun and pulling the blade from your boot, “you’re meant to be keeping that open!” You yell, pointing to the door.

“Yes, well, change of plans. Apparently my son is in this world and I want him back,” he said before pausing, looking you up and down before smirking, “and you’re going to help me.”

-

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-

It was official, you hated Lucifer.

He’d managed to track down which way the Winchester’s and Angels had gone before grabbing your arm and pulling you along. Though he had forced you to take a detour in which he found some of Michael’s angels and drained them off their grace. To think Dean was worried about you coming to this world because of the creatures in it, no, know you had your own personal guard; the bloody Devil himself. The sooner you found him, the better. Not only did you want to be as far away from Lucifer as possible, you also needed to warn them that the gate would close sooner than anticipated thanks to the Devil.

-

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Lucifer ended up pushing you through a door and into a dark tunnel, thankfully you’d brought your flashlight, using it to try and see where you were. Lucifer and you walked down the cave, cobwebs littering the place as you looked around.

“Keep going.” Lucifer growled like you could possibly go anywhere but forward. On the way you passed multiple beheaded vampires and reached for your regular blade, shoving the gun in your jeans.

“Scared?” Lucifer asked with a smirk. “Not even a little, come on.” You replied with an eye roll, turning the corner. You came onto a space with a few different passages, turning to look at Lucifer. As much as you hated the archangel, he was proving useful in knowing where to go.

“This way.” He said before leading you up one of the dark passages. You gripped your blade tighter, feeling uneasy as you looked around. You could definitely hear growling and from the sounds of it you were getting closer.

Lucifer reached out and grabbed your arm causing you to try and pull away, try being the key word considering his grasp was too strong to break. “Keep quiet.” He said before you ended up in another room, a hand shooting to your head. God you hated when angels did that. Opening your eyes you let out a gasp as you saw Sam laying dead on the floor. You looked to Lucifer who paid you no attention before your focus was back on Sam, who sat up and inhaled deeply.

“Hey Sammy.” You watched as Lucifer took joy in bringing Sam back, knowing he had an advantage over him. Lucifer launched into another of his annoying speeches as Sam tried to comprehend the situation as you stood in the shadows, trying to get over the fact that Sam had died, again.

“The rift. Rowena. Y/N.” You watched as Sam realised the implications of Lucifer being here and not back at the bunker.

Lucifer walked over to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder. “Relax, this one’s safe. I’ve been guarding her the whole time.” He told Sam with an innocent grin. “Rowena’s ok. I was going to kill her but instead she blasted me here but that’s okay because apparently, apparently, my son is here!”

Sam’s eyes flashed to you as Lucifer continued talking. He picked up his bag, ready to leave before Lucifer showed him the vampires he was keeping at bay. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Lucifer was going to Jack and hopefully by this point Jack would be with Dean, Cas and Gabriel. You just hoped Sam came with you, it really was the only way out of here. You watched as Lucifer went to snap his fingers, ready to let the hoard of vampires in.

“What do you want!?” Sam shouted angrily, face showing his emotions clearly. A relationship with his son, that’s what Lucifer claimed to want. Castiel had informed you all of the power this nephilim would hold and how with that power, Lucifer really was unstoppable.

“You’re going to help me. I don’t think he’ll give me a chance unless I come bearing gifts. That’s where you come in, her too but she’s not as important. Hell I could kill you now and it wouldn’t affect my plans.” He said to you, his grip on you tightening. Your eyes darted to Sam’s, betraying the panic you were feeling.

He turned his attention back to Sam, his grip on you not easing. “Apocalypse world, Michaels armies, you really think you and your family can handle that stuff alone. You need me.” Lucifer told him and as much as you hated to admit it, the more archangels you had on your side the better.

“And what if I say no?” Your whole body went cold as Sam said that. You understood him not wanting to work with Lucifer but right now there wasn’t a choice. He’d never get away from the vampires without the help of the archangel. Sam just had to play along long enough to get back to the group.

“All right, let me just make this really really easy, easy enough for even you to understand Sammy. I’m getting to Jack, one way or another. The only question is, you coming?”

-

-

-

Lucifer kept an arm on you as he pushed Sam forward, letting the group see him first before his dramatic appearance. You hadn’t known the man very long, a day at most, but you hated him. You saw the confusion on Castiel’s face, the smile that spread across Jack’s face and squeezed your eyes shut. Nothing could go right for them, could it?

Once Lucifer could see Sam held everyone’s attention, he pulled you around with him causing the general gaze to shift from Sam to you two. You could see Dean’s face clearly and regretted ever stepping through that doorway.

“Hello, son.” Lucifer smirked. You turned to glare up at Lucifer as he dragged you over to stand near Cas, Gabriel and Jack. You could see the innocent act coming out again as Jack looked at his father.

“How did you get in here?” Castiel asked, his eyes flickering to you in question. You shook your head.

“Oh, she didn’t let me go, no, no, I managed that all on my own. In fact, she came in before me.” You closed your eyes again, looking down at the floor as Lucifer spoke.

Dean stepped forward once Lucifer began to talk to Jack, not allowing the archangel anywhere near him. Lucifer began talking, something he was good at, getting into people’s minds. You could see Jack's face, angry but curious. Once Jack flashed out, Dean began to shout at Lucifer.

After Lucifer had been restrained with handcuffs, Dean’s pulled you away from him and the group.

“What the hell, Y/N!? What were you thinking? First I tell you don’t come in here and then you what? You team up with Lucifer? God, he could have killed you!” Dean shouted angrily, fingers running through short hair.

“I- I know, ok, I know he could have killed me,” your hand went up to your neck where he held you, “I know. I came in here and he was still restrained. I was here for less than two minutes when he came in! I don’t know what happened. I’m not working with Lucifer, Dean I had to, I couldn’t let you come here. If something happened, God Sam died! I saw him dead, that could have been you too! And you wouldn’t have known that I, that I,” You let out a sob as tears fell down your face, it wasn’t often you cried but after everything that had happened you couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down your face.

“Ok, Ok, c’mere,” Dean said as he pulled you in for a hug. “I’m not mad, it’s just I cannot lose you, Y/N/N. God, it bad enough Sam died in here, if I’d lost both of you I couldn’t, I don’t know what I’d do. I didn’t think these would be the circumstances when I confessed but the truth is,” he began, pulling away to wipe at your eyes, making sure you were looking at him before he continued, “being with you scares me. But not being with you…terrifies me.”

“I love you too. I have for so long but in our life, it’s hard to care about someone this much, yet alone love them. But I want that, with you Dean. I really do.” Your tears had started to slow as Dean wiped them before leaning in and kissing you softly. It was sweeter than what you imagined but considering the circumstances, it was exactly what you both needed. It didn’t last long, Dean pulled away and rested his head on your forehead. “I swear when we get back to our world, I’m not letting you go. I’m gonna treat you right.” He wrapped his arm around you before placing a kiss on your head.

There was still a lot to figure about, both with your relationship and the current situation. 31 hours wasn’t a lot of time but if anyone could figure out a way, it was the Winchesters.

-

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-

You sat in the bunker, glass in hand as you took in the sight. The bunker was flooded with people from the apocalypse world, Rowena had managed to get everyone back safely, everyone but Gabriel and Lucifer. Your heart ached for Gabriel, all that time on the run, the time spent being tortured by Asmodeus, it would have been nice for him to stay, live his life instead of running. You watched with a fond smile as Sam spoke to Rowena, hopefully the youngest Winchester would let himself have a slice of happiness. Sam moved to stand by Dean and Cas talking quietly before Dean’s gaze moved to you, before he could move to you apocalypse world Bobby took a minute to toast Sam and Dean.

“Hey. There’s a diner not too far away. How’d you guys feel about burgers?” Mary asked the group, Jack, Sam, Cas, Dean and you. After everyone approved you all headed to the garage. It was a tight squeeze in the back but you and Dean rode up front, hands intertwined tightly together. Looking behind you,  you saw Sam looking between you with a grin on his face. Sometimes, in moments like this, you could pretend things were normal, like you hadn’t just been in an entirely different universe. Like you were allowed to be happy. You rested your head on Dean’s shoulder and he placed a kiss upon your head before turning his attention back to the road.

Maybe you couldn’t have that white picket fence, apple pie life but looking around the Impala you realised, maybe you don’t need that to be happy and have a family. As long as you were together, you were happy even fighting side by side chopping off vampires heads and killing other worldly angels. Being with Dean, being happy with Dean, scared you. But not being with him...terrifies you.

Keep Me Closer (Part One)

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Warnings - Mentions of death (minor characters)

Pairings - Pre Sam Winchester x Reader

Requested - @may85 ~  Hey Hun! Can I get 11 and 14 with Sam Winchester please? 👻

Prompts - 11 - “Hey, keep your eyes on me.” Is it behind me? “Just, just look at me, yeah, everything’s going to be OK.” & 14 “So we’re dealing with a (supernatural creature), great, just great!”

It started with one death, the death of Amelia Smith, she’d been your roommate and had been bullied terribly. You hadn’t helped much but you still felt the overwhelming guilt when you had read she had killed herself.

Since then the people who bullied her had started going missing and then turning up dead, looking like they’d been severely tortured beforehand. You couldn’t help but think it was more than just a creepy coincidence but you couldn’t think of reasonable explanation for the deaths.

There were at least seven main bullies, so far three of them had turned up dead. After reading reports that were being released to the public it seemed that the girls went missing for three days before showing it, it was one of the many consistencies in all the deaths. Each victim had had her tongue cut off and significant blood loss.

It was safe to say you were ready to flee town.

-

-

-

“New case Sammy, not sure what we’re dealing with yet but it’s definitely our type of gig.” Dean said as he walked into the motel they were staying at.

“Oh yeah?” Sam asked, not looking up from his laptop.

“Yeah, so people have been going missing, so far all college girls, for three days and showing up dead with no tongue and their intestines twisted into knots.” Here Sam looked up with a disgusted look causing Dean to nod in agreement. “They’ve also got stab wounds. So you ready to head out?”

“Yeah sure. Hey, where’s the case?” Sam questioned as he closed the laptop and began packing up his belongings, Dean following in suit.

“Stanford University.” Dean told him with a grin. Sam’s eyes widened and he looked like he was going to protest but Dean was quick to interrupt. “It’ll be alright Sammy, no demons, should be an easy case. In and out.”

-

-

-

Something was definitely happening at Stanford. Another girl had gone missing, it was the second day since she’d been reported gone and the police were no closer to finding her than they were the other girls, meaning the fourth girl was probably going to show up dead tomorrow.

A knock on your door made you stop working on the project you had due in next week. Even though everything seemed to be going to hell you still needed the grades and couldn’t let this affect your life.

“Hi there, I’m Agent Mercury, he’s Agent Taylor, FBI,  we’re here to ask you some questions about a Miss Amelia Smith. Do you have a moment?” The smaller of the two spoke but you ignored him in favour of looking at the taller.

“Agent Taylor, huh?” You asked, voice full of humour. “Gotta say I preferred Winchester.” You saw the confusion on ‘Agent Mercury’s’ face whereas Sam looked at you with a wide smile, albeit a bit shocked.

“Y/N?” He asked, stepping past his friend and over to you. You instantly wrapped him in a hug, not realising until now how much you’d missed your friend. Sure you had kept in contact with one another after he left but it wasn’t the same. He pulled out of the hug and before he could talk you began to question him.

“What’re you doing here? What’s with the fake FBI act? Are you staying? Did you hear about the killings?” Sam placed a hand on your shoulder and shushed you with a grin.

“Let’s go inside and talk yeah? By the way, that’s my brother Dean.” He told you before entering your room fully and taking a seat at your desk chair. You gestured for his brother to come in too and he took a seat on the edge of your bed.

“So what’s going on?” You asked Sam.

“Well, we think we can help with the investigation they’re doing on Amelia, hence the fake FBI act. Can you tell us anything at all about the deaths?” You couldn’t help but be a bit shocked that former law student, who managed to get a full scholarship to Stanford, Sam Winchester was now breaking many laws by pretending to be the FBI but didn’t question it for now, it could wait.

“Well Amelia was my roommate. We knew each other for about a year, she was in my class, the criminal law one. Um, there’s one thing I noticed, the girls that have been going missing and then showing up dead used to bully her a lot. I knew about it, hard not to when you were living with her but I didn’t do anything about it. I tried to be there for her but she was too far gone and then one day she killed herself, few days after that the deaths started happening.” You watched as Sam and Dean looked at each other, wordlessly conversing and understanding everything the other said. Dean shrugged and turned to you.

“Thank you, Y/N, you’ve been very helpful. C’mon Sam, we gotta go.” Dean said as he stood up and headed to the door.

“Wait, you’re just leaving?” You asked looking at Sam.

“We’re in town for a few days but then, yeah, we’ll probably head out.” He told you with a slight frown, making no move to leave your room.

“What happened to you? I know Jess died and I know you couldn’t stand to be here, hell I get that but what happened after that? You’re going around pretending to be the FBI! That’s not the Sam Winchester I knew!” You snapped, wanting answers from your friend.

“I can’t tell you because it’s better you don’t know and you wouldn’t believe me anyway.” He told you cryptically.

“Seriously, that’s all I get. Come on Sam, tell me what you’ve been doing since you left.” You were frustrated, you cared about him and knew him when he was happy and ready to get through law school, ready to have a life.

“I can’t!” He snapped at you.

“Why?” You snapped back, aware his brother had stepped forward to attempt to defuse the situation.

“Because if I tell you, you’ll end up like Jessica!” Sam yelled, his breathing heavy and his eyes misted over. You quickly became quiet, reaching out to hold his hand.

“Sam, you gottta tell me what you’re doing. I’m worried about you.” You pleaded with him softly.

“I can’t, I’m sorry but I can’t.” With that he stood up and left the room causing you to look down with a sad, defeated look.

-

-

-

“You ok?” Dean asked after a long period of silence, they had left the flat you were at and found at motel before beginning their research.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sam lied knowing it was pointless because Dean could see through him.

“Yeah, stupid question. Let’s just finish this case and get the hell out of here.” He said, holding his beer bottle up to Sam.

“I’ll drink to that.” With a clink of the bottles the boys gulped down their drinks.

Sam scrolled through pages of lore before coming across one that sounded promising. He read over the article a few times before mentioning it to Dean but it was all there, the cutting of the tongue, knotted intestines, puncture wounds.

“I think I found what we’re dealing with.” He announced, causing Dean to look up and close his laptop slightly, “It sounds like it’s a Kanaima.”

“A kana-what?” Dean asked, eyebrows knitted together as he tried to remember if he’d read about it in dad’s journal.

“A Kanaima. The lore says Kanaima are avenging spirits or humans possessed by said spirits. Kanaima are shape-shifters and can appear in a variety of forms.  Kanaima attack and kill their victims in retaliation for some injustice. In order to accomplish their goal, Kanaima will possess the bodies of animals or people. In such possessed form the host becomes enraged, wild, and will violently attack it’s victims. Kanaima are not above harming or killing the friends, family, and loved-ones of it’s victim. They live in the forests and become feral. An interesting aspect of the Kanaima is that it seeks the painful suffering of it’s victim and will not kill its victim outright. Instead, the Kanaima works it so that the victim dies a painful death three days after it’s attack. During this process the Kanaima slashes the tongue of its victim so that he/she cannot speak of what is occurring. Victims of the Kanaima often die from having their intestines twisted up into knots. The Kanaima must perform a strange ritual that includes the ingesting of the victims blood on the third night after the death of the victim. The ritual includes the stabbing of the corpse with a special staff or stick of wood and then licking-off the blood or fluids clinging to the stick when it is pulled from the body.”

““So we’re dealing with a Kanaima, great, just great! Does it say how to kill it?” Dean asked, taking another swig of his drink.

“Um, defences against a Kanaima are…unknown.” Sam finished with a sigh.

“I’ll call Bobby to start researching and we can go hunt ourselves a Kanaima.”

-

-

-

Taking a short cut through the woods was probably one of the worst ideas you’d had. Everything looked so much more threatening when one was alone in the woods after sun down and every noise made you jump. Though you knew you were alone you couldn’t help but feel like you were being watched and it sent a shiver up your shine.

You were so close to the forests exit when something grabbed you from behind, you let out a piercing scream before a large hand placed itself over your mouth, effectively cutting off your scream.

“Relax, it’s me.” The hand on your shoulder turned you around and you came face to face with Sam, glaring at him instantly.

“Dude! Who grabs somebody in the woods!” You fumed, turning you glare onto his brother who was still laughing from your fright.

“Sorry but what are you doing in the woods alone!? People are going missing and you’re just-” Sam cut himself off when a loud scream could be heard. He took one look at Dean and the pair were instantly running towards the source.

“Stay there!” Sam yelled over his shoulder and, yeah, like hell you were just going to stay here alone. The safer option would be to stick with the two people who seemed to have some clue of what was going on.

You quickly caught up with them but the three of you came to a halt when you saw a women with greasy, untamed hair, ripped clothing and dirt on her skin. Your eyes left her and you saw the fourth missing girl, blood trickling from her mouth causing you to assume the scream was from her tongue being cut out.

“Oh my God.” You muttered, face turning dangerously pale. Sam and Dean whipped around to face you with angry eyes.

“What part of stay there didn’t you get?” Dean snapped before look back at the two women. Sam was looking at you with concern but you couldn’t look away from the scene in front of you. The dirty women hadn’t noticed you yet and neither had the fourth missing girl.

“Did Bobby get back to you yet?” Sam asked urgently.

“Yeah, I got it here.” Dean replied unzipping his bag and pulling out two silver knives dipped in what looked like blood, the thought made you grimace.

“One stab to the heart, one to the head.” Dean told him as he passed Sam the knife.

“You take the head, I’ll get the heart and you,” he said turning to you, “please stay there.” You nodded at him, not daring to speak in fear on what could happen.

You watched as Sam and Dean crept forward and the woman let out and screech that was definitely not human before fleeing past them. They began to look around frantically before Dean’s gaze froze on you.

“Sam.” Dean’s voice was croaky as he got Sam’s attention, Sam immediately looked towards you his own eyes widening.

“Hey, keep your eyes on me.” Sam told you, his voice shaking as he looked sickly pale.

“Is it behind me?” You asked frightfully. Sam gulped before answering.

“Just, just look at me, yeah, everything’s going to be OK.” Behind you the Kanaima had pulled out the bow and arrow the lore had mentioned and was getting ready to shoot it at you before Dean snuck up behind it just in time to stab the knife through the Kanaima’s head and quickly through the heart.

Sam’s whole body physically relaxed as he let out a sigh of relief which told you everything you needed to know, you were safe.

“Oh my God.” You muttered again and Sam took a few steps forward before wrapping his arms around your shaking body.

“It’s ok, you’re ok, it’s ok, you’re good.” Sam muttered into your hair, gripping you tightly as though you would disappear. You appreciated the tight grip he had on you, needing the support right now.

-

-

-

Dean had called in the police and the three of you fled the scene before the showed up. The three of you were now sat in the boys motel room, a hot drink in each of your hands.

“So you’re telling me that monsters and all that Supernatural stuff really exists?” You asked sceptically.

“Yeah. Jessica was killed by the same demon that killed our mom and ever since I left Stanford we’ve been saving people, hunting things, the family business.” He told you with a slight laugh, you saw the smile Dean had on his face, a sad smile, as he looked at his brother.

“That’s insane!” You exclaimed, “I mean, demons, ghosts, Kanaima’s. Are vampires real? What about werewolves?” You questioned rapidly causing Sam to laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, vampires, demons, they’re all real.” He told you with a grin.

“So you’re going to be gone soon? Back on the road?” You asked, the relaxed atmosphere becoming more serious.

“Yeah I am. This is my life now and, yeah, it’s not always great but I love it.” He told you sincerely before continuing, “but I promise I’ll come down here more often and visit, I didn’t realise just how much I missed you until I came back.” You smiled softly at him before telling him you missed him too and he better come back.

-

-

-

Saying goodbye to Sam was harder than you’d thought it’d be. The boys dropped you back off at Stanford, Sam getting out of the car with you and walking you to the doors of the building.

“This isn’t goodbye you know, I’ll see you around Agent Taylor.” You told him with a smirk.

“Oh trust me, I’m counting on it, Miss Y/L/N.” He replied before his eyes turned sad.

“Hey, none of that. You have my number, you know where I live. Just, just make sure you keep your promise and come visit, yeah? And don’t leave it until there’s a few deaths, visit whenever you want.” You told him seriously and he nodded at you.

“I will, I promise I’ll be back. See you soon,Y/N.” He said as he wrapped you in a tight hug and placed a kiss on you head. You waved him off as he walked back to the Impala, a small smile threatening to break into a grin played on your face.

“See you soon, Sam Winchester.”

Hey i love your writing. Can I request the Amber song prompt please? I apologise for the details haha but can I request it with Jared & adopted daughter reader, Gen & adopted daughter reader, Jensen & reader, Danneel & reader and if you can fit it in somewhere Rob Benedict & reader. Can the reader write the song? I'd like to have the reader to be in the care system and jared and gen foster her. Either she sings the song to them or they hear it without her wanting to, up to you. thank you somuch!

I’ll Stay

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Prompts - Amber song prompt - I’ll Stay - Isabela Moner

Jared and Gen adopt the reader and she struggles to accept that they really want her. 

-

You’d recently been fostered. That was a miracle in itself considering you were a teenager and nobody, usually, wanted to foster and then adopted them. The couple, Jared and Genevieve Padalecki, had wanted an older kid and decided you would be a welcome fit in their home.

-

-

-

There was another couple visiting today, they were coming in to foster a kid. You sat in your room, knowing you weren’t needed downstairs, you weren’t going to be fostered so what was the point. With that mindset it was a shock when somebody knocked on your open door. Looking up you saw a man, a tall man with long brown hair, leaning against the peeling door frame. You felt like you recognised him from somewhere but couldn’t quite place it.

“Hey um, I’m Jared.” He told you with a smile. His overall presence made you relax but you still raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Y/N. Why are you up here?”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. Actually, I-uh, I only came up here to use the bathroom. How come you’re up here? We got told everyone would be downstairs so me and my wife could meet them.” You felt yourself growing more confused, why would he want you down there?

“Yeah, well, trust me after all my times in different homes I’ve learnt that people only want babies and little kids. Once you hit your teenage years you’re pretty much stuck here ‘til you can leave on your own.” You watched him take in the information, a frown playing on his face as he did.

“Actually me and my wife, Gen, we’re here to adopt an older kid. We already have three kids of our own, we’ve got Tom whose 7, Shep whose 5 and Odette whose 2. Gen’s always wanted a big family, me too actually, but we got told we couldn’t have more kids.” The fact he already had a family didn’t surprise you too much, a lot of couples had their own kids, it was the fact he wanted an older kid that shocked you, especially considering all he kids were considerably young.

“Sorry to hear that.” You told him, gaining a small smile, “but I gotta ask, why an older kid? You’re eldest is seven so why’d you want older?”

“Well with my job I travel around a lot. Whilst we have help from family and friends it would add to the stress if we brought another baby or toddler into the mix, it wouldn’t be very fair to them I guess. A teenager would better understand the situation of me not being around as often as Gen is, I guess. Our kids get it, they know what I do but a new addition, well, it would be difficult to adjust especially since most of the kids, older and young, have a complicated history.” You took in what he was saying, it made sense.

“What’s your job then?” You asked, he gave you a questioning look before answering.

“I’m, uh, I’m an actor. Right now I’m on a show called Supernatural.” Never hearing of the show you just shrugged at him, it was cool that he was an actor. You’d probably seen his picture on social media or something.

“So, Y/N, let’s get to know each other.”

-

-

-

It had been a long process of course, everything had to be arranged, you had to spend nights at their house and go on day trips with the couple and their three children. It was nice but as you lay in your new bed you couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

You’d been in the care system pretty much your whole life, families had fostered you and given you right back. The disappointment and sadness you’d felt each time faded into nothing, you’d learnt not to care too much, knowing that the only way you were getting out of the system was when you turned the legal age.

However, Gen and Jared were adamant in trying to convince you that you were wanted here, how they wouldn’t bring someone into their family, to meet their children, if they weren’t serious. You liked the Padalecki’s, you really did, and you knew that was the worst thing because when they sent you back, and they would, it would hurt the most.

Eventually you gave up on tossing and turning, instead you grabbed the new phone they’d recently gifted you and checked the time, 02:32 AM. Usually when you couldn’t sleep you went out for a walk, probably not the safest idea for a young girl to be alone at this time of night but it helped clear your mind. When you were at the group home you would usually go to the hill top, it was secluded, hard to find and perfect for just sitting and contemplating everything.

You hadn’t had a chance to explore your new home town in Austin, Texas, before the family had took you in you’d never even been to Texas. Now was as good a time as any to explore though, you thought. Genevieve had showed you the alarm system that they had, luckily you knew the code so you wouldn’t wake anyone up. Getting out of bed you grabbed a bag and threw your notebook, pen, phone and headphones in before throwing a jacket on too.

Sneaking out of the house was easy, hell you had mastered how to do that by the time you were twelve. The neighbourhood you were in was nice, rich but homely you would say. The Padalecki’s home had been a shock to you, considering you only knew apartments, group homes and peeling houses. You looked around and picked a direction before heading down the road, what better way to explore, and if you got lost at least you had your phone.

You’d been walking for a while before you came across a forest, walking even further until you found a lake. It was beautiful and you quickly found some large rocks to sit on. Checking your phone you realised you been walking for way longer than you thought considering it was 3:30 in the morning, that was around an hour since you’d left the house.

Sitting there, you took in the scenery before pulling out your notebook. In it contained a bit of everything, entries of your days, how you were feeling, a few drawings and some songs you’d wrote. You weren’t a song writer by any means but it was helpful, easier to express your emotions. Some were quite good whilst other were scribbled out completely. It was something that you’d read online, some crap about how it would help you deal with your emotions and you guessed, though you’d never admit it, it did help. You grabbed a pen before opening the book to a blank page and began writing.

‘My feet are sore from walking all night long.No direction when there’s no where to go.’

The Padalecki’s keep saying how their house was your home too and whilst they seemed completely sincere about that, you couldn’t let yourself feel like it was your home, like they cared about you.

‘Empty picture frames of times all gone

Lonely echoes of the stories we‘ve told

If you put on my shoes walk a mile or two

‘til your eyes open wider than they used to.’

You bit the end of your pen, willing the tears in your eyes to go away as you closed the book. Turns out writing about this situation was harder than you’d thought it would be. You wanted to let yourself be happy but how could you when nothing ever went your way.

-

- Time skip - 1 week -

-

You were being taken to the Ackles house today for a BBQ, the whole family was going and you were going to meet Jensen, Danneel and their kids for the first time. They’d wanted to meet you earlier but Jared said they were letting you get settled in a bit first. You’d heard great things about them from Jared and Gen and if you were being honest you had Googled both families and seen clips of them on YouTube along with people like Misha Collins, Richard Speight Jr and Rob Benedict who all seemed pretty cool too.

You had began, secretly, watching the show and had to admit you really liked it, how you hadn’t watched it before was a mystery to you considering it was in the realm of shows you liked.

Before you knew it you were being pulled into a hug by Danneel, she squeezed you tightly and you froze for a moment. You had never really been affectionate with people, another side effect of being in the system for so long, you either became touch starved or just got used to not being held. A small paused passed before you wrapped your arms around her too, it was awkward but nice. You were greeted the same way by Jensen too, a warm hug and a tight squeeze, again it was awkward but you quite liked it. You met the twins who were adorable as was their eldest, JJ.

For most of the afternoon you drifted towards Danneel, who seemed more than happy to let you sit with her and get to know you. She asked you about your life growing up, you asked her about her family, living here in Texas, she asked you about the states you’d been to. Danneel even invited you to join her and Genevieve to get your nails done sometime when the boys were away, you tried to decline, not wanting to intrude on her day with Gen but she insisted, as did Gen when she found out.

When Danneel went to check the twins Jensen came and occupied the seat his wife had just left.

“How you doing?” He asked, looking at you with a soft smile and concern in his eyes. You nodded a few times before speaking.

“I’m OK.” You told him, only for him to raise his brow at you, “seriously I’m OK. I mean sure it’s a bit overwhelming at times but still that’s to be expected.”

“You know,” Jensen started, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he did, “they spent a year doing them courses to be able to foster and adopt, they spent just about the same amount of time trying to find someone they really liked. I know them and, trust me, they don’t ever wanna give you back. They want you to be a part of their family. I know it’s overwhelming but give it time and you’ll see there’s nothing to be worried about.”

-

- Time skip - 6 months -

-

You laughed as Jared stuffed the remains of his burger into his mouth causing him to grin at you. Rolling your eyes, you pressed the napkin into his hand and made him wipe his face. Jared and Jensen were leaving soon, heading to Vancouver to film for their show, which you had finished watching and wanted to know what happened next.

Life had been pretty good. Sometimes you still got overwhelmed, sometimes you had moments when you were sure they were going to make you go back to the group home, back into the system, but they were always there to reassure you that you were stuck with them.

Jared had decided that he would take you out for the day, just you and him. You’d felt guilty at first, not wanting him to miss out on spending time with his family before he left but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. As you sat opposite him in a cute little diner, you were glad you’d gone out with him.

“You know,” You began as you laughter faded, tone full of amusement still, “I finished watching your show.” You watched as his eyes lit up, could see the pride and passion he had for the show even after all the years he’d spent on it.

“You did? I didn’t even know you’d started watching it! Did you like it?”

“I thought I’d watch it considering it’s such a huge part of yours and Jensen’s life. You know, I actually really enjoyed it. Gotta say though, think Dean’s my favourite.” You laughed loudly at his overly dramatic reaction before continuing. “OK maybe not Dean, maybe, oh I don’t know…Gabriel?”

“Now listen here you, Sam Winchester is the best! If he’s not your favourite then I don’t think you watched the right show.”

Today Jared had taken out to the arcades that weren’t too far a drive from where you guys lived. You’d both spent hours trying to beat each other before deciding to call it a draw, though for the record you totally beat him. There was also a crazy golf course that he’d taken you to, which you didn’t beat him at but still had fun joking around with him.  

Both Jared and Genevieve took you out individually to get to know you one on one. Like recently you and Gen had gone hiking once she found out you loved nature and the scenic views, you hadn’t told them of your spot near the lake, you liked the privacy it offered you and you still snuck out to write or just be alone. As well as that she had taken you to the spa, Danneel also came along, and you all got spa treatments and your nails done.

You had also gone out with the kids, you’d took the boys to see the newest films they wanted to see and took Odette and the boys to the park, sometimes joined by both Jared and Gen. All together you had gone to the zoo, farms, the arcades, ice skating and more. It was nice to see the family do so much together, a bit strange for you at first considering you’d never had anything like this but now you looked forward to making more memories.

Jensen had become a large part in your life. He was there when you needed to talk about them overwhelming feelings that you didn’t want to burden Gen and Jared with. You knew they wouldn’t mind and wouldn’t take it as a personal attack on them but for some reason it was easier with Jensen. He took you out to get food as you talked over everything that was bothering you. You also hung out with him when there was nothing wrong, just a few days back you and Jensen had taken JJ out whilst Danneel had the twins.

Having Jared and Jensen leave for Vancouver would be strange. You’d gotten so used to them being around, become dependent on them in a way you hadn’t been with anyone ever, that it was a bit daunting.

The fans knew about you, between the two families there were a lot of pictures featuring you on their Instagram’s. They had asked you before hand obviously, not wanting to evade your privacy if you weren’t comfortable with it but you were.

Jared and you kept joking around whilst you ate your desserts. You were still scared but you felt more comfortable now.

-

- Time skip 1 year + 6 months -

-

You’d been with Genevieve and Jared for about two years now. You loved them and the kids so much, they were your family. You’d finally accepted it and for the first time in years you were happy, you had parental figures who loved you, aunts and uncles who you adored and siblings, nieces and nephews who were your world.

Jared was home for a few days before he was flying off to another convention, this one you had been invited too. Genevieve was coming too, her parents offering to watch the kids so she could. In the time you had been with Gen and Jared, you’d been to the set of Supernatural and meet a lot of the cast including, Misha, Alexander, Richard, Ruth, Mark (Sheppard and Pellegrino) and Rob plus a few more.

You’d become close to them all. You took an extra liking to Rob Benedict, feeling comfortable around him since you met him. Something about him calmed you down completely even though he himself was a ball of nervous energy, though you’d seen him on stage, only in videos, and could hardly believe it was the same man. Rob had took you to explore Vancouver, taking you on hikes and for dinner. You shared a lot with Rob and ended up telling him that you liked to write songs yourself, he had been persistent that you show him something and it had taken weeks before you showed him the song you’d been working on since you moved into your home.

“You have to perform this at the convention!” Rob had told you, he was grinning brightly as he looked from the book to you.

Your cheeks flushed as you replied, “I- I can’t perform that! It’s, well I, seriously I can’t!”

“You can, Y/N. They’ll both be there and they’ll love it. I promise, I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it’d turn out good for you. At least think about it.”

And you had. You had thought about it. Rob said you could perform it during the concert he put on, knowing Jared and Gen, plus the rest of the Supernatural cast, would be there. You had politely declined each time.

You sat at the airport in the early hours of the morning, eyes drooping closed as you felt the tiredness weighing down on you. Why you had to take such an early flight you’d never know but here you were. Your eyes stayed closed but you jolted slightly as an arm wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you against a warm body, Jared your mind supplied. You smiled as you cuddled closer to him, feeling him press a kiss against your forehead before continuing his conversation with Jensen and Gen a bit more quietly.

You didn’t sleep, just rested your eyes until Jared shook you and told you the plane was ready. Before you had to switch your phone off you wrote a text, hesitating to send it. You looked up at Jared, who still had an arm around you, then to Gen who smiled softly at you, you quickly returned it before clicking send on the text.

‘I’ll do it.’

-

-

-

You’d finally arrived at your hotel and having slept on the plane you know felt wide awake as you walked in ahead of Gen, Jensen and Jared. You were instantly greeted by Rob Benedict who walked up to you with a smug grin on his face causing you to roll your eyes as you stepped into his arms.

“Knew you’d do it.” He whispered, amusement clear in his tone.

“Shut up.” You laughed as you pushed him away, causing him to do the same.

After everyone had their bags put away they decided that they were going out for a few drinks. You were welcomed by everyone but decided you’d stay in the hotel room and just relax for a bit, as well as going over the song Rob was making you perform.

“We can stay in with you if you want?” Gen asked but you just shook your head.

“Go out and have fun. I’ll be fine, honestly I’m just gonna put Netflix on and go to bed.” After convincing Gen, then Jared, that you’d be ok they left and you were alone.

You sat on the bed with the notebook in your lap. Tomorrow you’d perform one of the most personal songs you had ever written in front of a crowd of strangers as well as your friends and family. To say you were terrified would be an understatement but Rob had promised you that he’d be with you the entire time and so would the guys from the band who you’d met and got along with great. It help ease your nerves a bit.

‘My feet are sore from walking all night long

No direction when there’s nowhere to go

Empty picture frames of times all gone

Lonely echoes of the stories we’ve told

If you put on my shoes walk a mile or two‘til your eyes open wider than they used to

Then I will meet you there where the air is clear

Pinky swear I’ll meet you there.’

-

-

-

The day was here. You had woken up feeling sick, Gen and Jared fussed over you. You stayed in the room as Jared went to do his meet and greets and panels and whilst Gen went with him she came back to the hotel room to check on you throughout the day.

Rob had been texting with you in an attempt to calm you down, it had worked and by time everyone was getting ready for the concert you were feeling more like yourself. Gen and Jared fussed but you assured them you were feeling better and they let you come.

Now you stood to the side with Jared, Gen and Matt Cohen, who you’d only met today but absolutely adored. Matt had an arm around you as you all watched Jensen and Rob sing on stage together. Once they’d finished Rob began to speak.

“So many of you are going to know my next guest but some may not. She’s never performed in front of anyone so give her your full support. She wrote this song herself and she’s a bit nervous. Everyone please welcome Y/F/N Y/L/N!” Jared and Gen turned to look at you in surprise but you didn’t look at them. You felt Matt give your shoulders a squeeze before he gently pushed you forward. The crowd cheered as Rob took your hand in his and handed you the mic.

“You’ll be fine. I’m right here. Don’t look at them if you don’t want to.” You nodded as you looked at him. Rob gestured for the band to start playing.

“My feet are sore from walking all night long

No direction when there’s nowhere to go

Empty picture frames of times all gone

Lonely echoes of the stories we‘ve told

If you put on my shoes walk a mile or two‘til your eyes open wider than they used to

Then I will meet you there where the air is clear

Pinky swear I’ll meet you there

And I’ll stay, with you I see new colors

And I’ll stay, today until forever

And I’ll stay, with you I see new colors

My eyes are open wider today until forever

I’ll stay with you

Familiar faces as we chase the moon

Fall in love and I’ll come crying to you

Through the changes and the Earth’s bad moods

I’ll lay my troubled bones on you

If you put on my shoes walk a mile or two

‘til your eyes open wider than they used to

Then I will meet you there where the air is clear

Pinky swear I’ll meet you there

And I’ll stay, with you I see new colors

And I’ll stay, today until forever

And I’ll stay, with you I see new colors

My eyes are open wider today until forever

I’ll stay with you

(Ah, ah aaah, aaaah)

I’ll stay with you

(Ah, ah aaah, aaaah)

And I’ll stay, with you I see new colors

And I’ll stay, today until forever

And I’ll stay, with you I see new colors

My eyes are open wider today until forever

(Ah, ah aaah, aaaah)

I’ll stay with you

(Ah, ah aaah, aaaah)

Oooh woah woah woah

My eyes are open wider

Tonight 

When I’m a hundred two , and I can’t sing to you

Close your eyes, memorize how I used to”

Your eyes had closed as you sung but you opened them once you heard the cheering from the Supernatural fans, letting out a huge sigh of relief. The meaning of the song was obvious to anyone who knew the circumstances, you’d finally finished it when you’d accepted that Gen and Jared were going to keep you, when you realised they love you and you loved them, when you recognised that you were their family and they were yours. To you the song was perfect for expressing that to them because finding the words had been hard.

You thanked everyone and Rob pulled you in for a hug before you left the stage. Gen had tears falling down her face, Jared was no better. Your own eyes filled with tears at the sight but before you could say anything Jared pulled you against him into a tight hug, bringing Gen in as he did. The three of you stayed there for a long while, just holding each other as a family.

“You know we were gonna ask if we could adopt you officially but we weren’t sure how you felt.” Jared told you with a wet chuckle, “but now I think it’s safe to say that you’ll allow us to adopt you?” He asked causing you to look up at him, even more tears streaming down your face at the news.

“Yes, yes, I’m totally ok with you guys adopting me. God, I love you guys so much!” You told them. You felt Gen rub her hand up and down your back as Jared kissed your head.

“We love you too, Y/F/N Padalecki.”

I know my value, anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter

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Warnings - Self harm, suicide attempt, self hate, depression 

Requested - anon ~ I know there is a load of prompts in here but I was wondering if you could do Jensen & daughter reader w/ Jared & niece reader. Basically the fandom is sending Jensen’s daughter a lot of hate about whatever you want and she ends up self harming and one day she just decides she’s done and cuts herself too deeply, but then Jared calls her and she talks to him whilst she’s dying or smth. Then in the hospital Danneel’s with her until Jared and Jensen come from vancouver. Happy ending.  

Reader saying 12 and 32 to Jared whilst she’s bleeding out or smth. Then reader saying can we stay like this for a little while?”’ to Jensen “you’re not a burden” to the reader. Can I request Danneel & reader as well. IDK if I can request my own prompts so if not then they don’t really matter but I’d appreciate it. Sorry I sent so many asks it wouldn’t let me fit it in one box:/xxxx

Jensen’s daughter, Y/N Ackles, is receiving a lot of hate messages on social media that over time cause her to become depressed. What happens when she’s pushed over the edge?

It was an odd feeling to feel like you were a stranger in your own home, to feel like you didn’t really fit in. It was nobody’s fault, nobody in the house treated you any differently to how they treated each other but you couldn’t help but feel like a burden. 

Your dad was around as much as he could be with his job, you knew how much he loved being an actor, going to the conventions and whatnot. Danneel treated you just how she treated her own biological children, sure she spent more time with them but that was only natural considering they were so much younger than you. The kids obviously didn’t see you as anything other than big sister Y/N.

It wasn’t any of them that made you feel like you weren’t properly apart of the family, no it was the constant stream of hate messages you received on the daily. People telling you that your dad, Jensen, didn’t love you and that you were a burden on his perfect family with Danneel and the kids. It was the messages that told you that you were worth nothing and that your family wouldn’t miss you if you were gone. 

It was just strangers online but it affected you in such a serious way. You were able to block it out to begin with but over recent years it had really affected your confidence and the way viewed yourself. You started thinking that maybe all those people were right, maybe you weren’t good enough, maybe your dad would be better without you. 

Over time you had started to become more withdrawn, hiding away in your bedroom and distancing yourself from your friends and family. Slowly at first but eventually Danneel began to worry and she called Jensen one night.

“Have you spoken to Y/N recently?” She had asked him once the younger kids had gone to bed and she had the privacy to talk seriously.

“Um, yeah I spoke to her this morning for a bit. She didn’t seem too chatty though.” Jensen’s response only made Danneel worry more for you and she decided, after discussing it with Jensen, that it’d be best to try and talk to you and involve you in things. 

-

-

-

Most nights were spent in your room, Twitter open on your phone with a new stream of mentions telling you how you weren’t good enough. You knew looking at the messages would only hurt you more but for some reason you couldn’t not look.

Some time not too long ago you had taken to hurting yourself. It made you feel a bit better, like you were finally getting what you deserved for being such a burden on your dad and his family. At first you’d cried as you cut yourself but eventually it was like a comfort, you craved it and with every new hate message the cuts got deeper and the what if’s left your mind. 

You grabbed one of the blades you had hidden away and pulled your pants down, it was too risky to do it on your arms. You let the blade sit in your hands, moving it from palm to palm as you took in some of the messages, these people hadn’t met you and they knew you didn’t deserve to live. Why would you? You were a burden to Jensen and Danneel. Strangers knew it, you knew it, Jensen and Danneel probably thought it.

With that you guided the blade over to your thigh, pressed deeply and cut at the flesh. It hurt, of course it hurt, but it eased the mental pain just a little so it was worth it. It was less than you deserved but it’d have to do.

-

-

-

It had been a few months and little had changed other than the fact that your mood had significantly lowered, your thighs were littered with new and old cuts, the hate messages continued and you hated yourself. You had no idea what you’d done to deserve this but your mentality to all the hate was bad, you had accepted it and believed what everyone was saying. 

One afternoon when things were really bad and Danneel had taken the kids to Genevieve’s, you sat in your room with bleeding thighs and tears streaming down your face. You didn’t want to do this anymore. You were ruining your dad’s life, Danneel and the kids hated you and nobody else on the planet seemed to cared if you lived or died and honestly neither did you.

Without much thought you brought the blade away from your thigh and sunk it into the unharmed flesh of both your wrists, slicing deeply at the skin with a wince of pain.

Of course it was that moment your phone rung and Uncle Jared’s name was flashing up on FaceTime. One last phone call you thought to yourself with a humorless laugh.

“Hey Y/N.” Jared’s voice was filled with concern. He had seen the messages that had been wrote about you in the past few days and after a little digging he’d come across far too many hate messages aimed at you. 

“Uncle Jared.” Your voice was breathy, like it was taking all your energy to talk. You weren’t holding the phone either, Jared was currently looking at your ceiling. You didn’t think you had the energy to hold the phone and with the mix of tears and blood it was probably for the better.

“Y/N/N, sweet heart, is everything alright?” The concern in Jared’s voice doubled, something in his stomach turned as a bad feeling washed over him. His eyes scanned the set looking for Jensen but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

“Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you?” You asked him, eyes clenched shut as you focused on him and not the immense pain you were feeling. Your voice sounded distant even to you but you weren’t worried.

“Y/N, what are you talking about? Of course the world wouldn’t be better off! Misha, get Jensen now! Hey, Y/N, stay on the phone with me, yeah, keep talking to me.” He stayed on the call but clicked off the FaceTime so he was able to text Gen and tell her to get Danneel in the house. Something bad was happening and he was worried sick.

“M’sorry, I…I can barely keep my eyes open.” You told him sadly.

It wasn’t long until you felt yourself feeling weak, tired, sick and lightheaded. You let out a small whine as your head spun, making you feel dizzy. Your vision blurred dramatically and you were glad you were sat down. All it took was a few slow blinks before your world turned dark and the last thing you heard was Uncle Jared calling you name worriedly.

-

-

-

Pain. 

All you could feel was pain.

You were awake but didn’t open your eyes. Confusion was another strong feeling and it took a few moments before the events that had occurred caught up with you. You remember talking to your Uncle Jared, telling him that you wanted to die or something along those lines, remembered him talking to Misha and calling for your dad whilst trying to make you stay on the phone. Remembered cutting into your wrists without a care in the world, without caring if you would survive.

Clearly you had survived though. Even without opening your eyes you knew you were in a hospital, the smell that every hospital seemed to have and the consistent beeping of a monitor were a dead give away. 

You felt someone holding your hand and could hear soft sniffles coming from the person. You knew you had to open your eyes, had to face the reality and the consequences of what you had done but now, when you knew you had to speak about it, the reason behind it seemed silly. To you it was a big deal but you figured your dad and Danneel would brush over it by just telling you they cared.

Reluctantly you forced your eyes open and saw Danneel sat in an uncomfortable looking chair next to your bed, dried tears remained on her cheeks, as she clutched your hand tightly in hers.

“Danneel?” You asked, throat dry and croaky before you let out a fit of coughs. In seconds she was up and pouring you a glass of water, helping you guide it to your mouth and held it steady as you gulped it down greedily.

“How are you feeling?” She asked once you were finished and she’d sat back in the seat.

You honestly didn’t think you were capable of answering that question right now so you opted to just shrug your shoulders and avoid eye contact.

“Yeah, that was a stupid question, huh?” She asked rhetorically before continuing, “so your dad and uncle are on their way home. Jensen texted me right before they got on the plane so they should be landing within the next half hour.” 

You nodded at her though you couldn’t help but feel guilty that both Jared and Jensen were flying home because of you, cutting into their busy filming schedule. 

“The kids?” You managed to ask, wincing at the pain in your throat.

“They’re fine, they don’t know what happened yet. Gen offered to watch them as soon as we got Jared’s text.” She informed you and you couldn’t help but raise your eyebrow questioningly at the last part.

“Uncle Jared called you and once he started speaking to you, well, he said he had a bad feeling and asked Gen to get me to go home and check on you. Thank God I did, any later and-” Here she cut herself off as her eyes filled with tears, you looked down and began to play with your bed sheets as the guilty feeling grew within you.

“Oh sorry, this probably isn’t helping you. Anyway the kids are fine.” She finished, drying her eyes quickly.

-

-

-

It was another hour or so before Jensen walked into the hospital room, immediately making his way over to you. As he embraced you tightly you saw Danneel leaving the room and caught a glimpse of your uncle Jared. 

“Baby girl, what’s going on in that head of yours, hey?” Your dad asked softly and that was all it took before you broke down in his arms. Tears fell down your face as you finally let out everything you were feeling. Jensen held you tightly, letting go only to climb into bed with you before clutching you tightly to his chest and letting you cry.

“That’s it baby, let it out. Good girl, that’s it. So good.” He continued to whisper random words of encouragement to you, soothing you marginally.

It took a while but eventually the tears began to fade and you had calmed yourself down enough to talk.

“I’m sorry.” You choked out causing him to tense up.

“Don’t say that baby girl, don’t you ever apologise. I’m sorry. I should’ve been there. I knew something wasn’t right and I didn’t do anything. God, I nearly lost you.” You looked up at him and saw his own eyes were filled with tears, some having spilled when you yourself were crying. 

“S’not your fault daddy. I hid it, didn’t want help. Thought it was better this way. With me gone I wouldn’t be a burden to you or Dani.”

“What? You thin- Y/N Ackles, you’re not a burden. You’re my whole world, you, Danneel, Zepp, Arrow, JJ. My whole world. I’d be lost if I lost any one of you!” The passion and sincerity in his voice made you pause. “Don’t listen to people online, I know it’s easier said than done, trust me I know baby, but they don’t know us. We love you, Y/N/N, so damn much!”

Your eyes filled with tears again but they weren’t completely sad. You had this overwhelming sadness clouding over you, your head was telling you Jensen was lying but a part of you knew that was just because of the mentality you had adopted over the past few years. Nothing was going to get better instantly but something needed to change.

A few tears fell down your face as you cuddled further into Jensen’s chest, arm slung over his stomach and asked “can we stay like this for a little while?” 

He kissed your head, telling you of course you could. 

That night you fell asleep feeling some sort of hope for the future.

-

-

-

Three years.

That’s how long it had taken you to get better.

It was a long, hard, challenging, emotionally draining road but you had come out of it so much better. You’d deleted social media, realising that it was so toxic and you didn’t need that in your life. You’d given up going out of your way to search things about yourself and it had helped so much.

Jensen was home more now that seasons were shorter so he could spend more time with the family, a family you were very much a part of. 

Right now you were sat in Jensen’s bed, smushed between him and JJ, whilst Danneel had her arms full with the twins. A Disney movie was playing on the TV, JJ and you singing along loudly and overdramatically causing you all to laugh. You turned your head in time to see Jensen looking at you with soft eyes and a fond smile.

“What?” You asked quietly causing his smile to grow.

“Nothing, it’s nice to see you this happy again, that’s all.” You couldn’t help the proud grin that made its way onto your face at his words. 

It had taken so much time, a few different therapists and a whole lot of breakdowns but you were finally genuinely happy and confident with yourself and your emotions. You knew that your family cared about you and you wouldn’t let people’s opinions drag you down any longer. 

“Nice to be this happy again.” You told him honestly and laughed as he dragged you closer to him and pressed a kiss on your head.

“I love you so damn much, baby girl.” Jensen told you softly.

“I love you too daddy.”

Nurse Parker Makes Everything Better

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Warnings - Sick!Reader

Request - Hi, I just tested positive for strep throat and am absolutely miserable so could I get a Peter Parker imagine where he’s caring for his sick s/o? Love your work btw!! :)

You coughed weakly as your throat burned in pain, you hated being ill, it wasn't even the type of illness were you could just be sick and feel better, no, the doctors had confirmed that you had strep throat. So you could do nothing but sit it out and hope that it passed quickly. 

Your bedroom door opened slightly causing you to look away from the show that was playing in time to see Peter stick his head around cautiously. You smiled weakly at him and gestured for him to come into the room. 

Peter Parker had been your boyfriend for nearly two years now, you'd been friends for even longer, and he was the best boyfriend. Always so kind, caring and thoughtful. He'd been looking after you as soon as you found out what was wrong and made being sick just a little bit more bearable. 

Once he came into the room you saw he had a bowl of soup for you causing your face to scrunch up.

“I know it hurts but it’s going to help get you better.” He told you helping you sit up. Once the tray was in your lap he ran his fingers through your hair, you could only imagine what it looked like considering your temperature couldn’t decide if you were freezing or sweating.

You managed to eat the soup, wincing as pain flared in you throat a few times. Peter never left your side, a hand on you at all times, making sure you were comfortable, moving blankets when you got too hot, moving the tray to the side when you were done.

“Everything hurts.” You croaked out, resting your head against his chest as he settled next to you. Peter made a noise of sympathy, rubbing a hand up and down your arm comfortingly whilst pressing a kiss against your head.

“I wish there was more I could do, baby.” 

“Pete, you’ve done more than enough.” Your voice was just above a whisper. He smiled down softly at you as you shifted to get comfortable. 

Just as you were about to drift off to sleep Peter shifted and moved to get out of the bed, causing you to look  up with a pout. 

“Sorry baby, but you gotta take your medicine.” You flopped back onto the bed, resisting the urge to groan in order to not hurt your throat any further.

Taking your medicine caused the burning pain in your throat to come back at full force. You whimpered tiredly as Peter gave you a cold glass of water to wash it down with. Your eyes stung at the pain as Peter climbed back into bed with you, arms wrapping around you tightly. 

“Try and have a sleep.” He whispered into your hair, kissing it as he did, you buried your face in his chest, nodding against him. His fingers began to play with you hair, untangling any knots that had formed as a result of your bed rest.  You could only hope that until you were better Nurse Parker was here to make the pain better.