There's A Difference - Tumblr Posts
yk what? im kinda out of ideas, give me ideas for sfm renders
guys i think we forza ferraried to close to the sun this weekend
Bro, he keeps asking you to go to Gusu with him.
Take the hint you moron and go with him.
Ok I always thought the "I am ---" trilogy and the Clé trilogy were two separate things but I've also always been confused by "I am YOU," the featured track from the final "I am ---" album. Like, it's sweet and all, and it makes a little sense (the line "I see myself in you" really clears things up for that one tbh), but it's never really felt like a resolution.
If I think about it, though, the Clé trilogy seems to be another identity-finding journey that centers on separating your identity from others. I don't mean, like, uniqueness, but rather not relying on others for your sense of identity. If I'm right, then Clé is actually a continuation of the "I am ---" albums.
However, the I am WHO album kind of doesn't fit very well here, because the main featured track is "My Pace," which is about not paying attention to like. peer pressure and stuff and doing the things you want to how you want to do them instead without comparing yourself to others. That kind of feels like it fits better with the whole separating self from others thing Clé has going on.
I vaguely remember hearing that the other song they were considering making the main track for I am WHO was "Awkward Silence," which, don't get me wrong, I LOVE that song, but it does not fit the vibe of the album so I'm kind of glad they did not do that, but it's also about not feeling pressured in social situations.
I guess you could say "My Pace" and "Awkward Silence" fit the progression of the "I am ---" albums, in a way, because they're starting to realize who they are, but I feel like they're too far ahead for having a whole 'nother album left. To be honest, I've always thought "Question" fits the vibes the best.
Anyways, I have a sort of theory for how the progression goes and ties together between these 6 albums:
I am NOT - hold on a minute who do I really want to be? what do I want in life? are the things I want really the things people tell me I should/do?
Representative songs: "NOT!" "Awaken"
I am WHO - if I'm not who everyone says I am, then who am I? (starts discovering self a bit)
Representative songs: "WHO?" "Question"
I am YOU - forming a good relationship (of any kind; could be significant other, friend, parent, whatever), or perhaps returning to one. it could be like a new relationship they're very happy with or it could be reaching an understanding with the people they rejected in I am NOT. part of their identity comes from this relationship. a large part of their identity, actually, probably, because like. it's. I am you. uh yeah
Representative songs: "YOU." "I am YOU" "Hero's Soup"
Clé 1: MIROH - whoah guys I'm pretty rad amirite
Representative songs: "MIROH" "Victory Song" "Boxer"
Clé 2: Yellow Wood - wait actually something is wrong? life is not as easy as I thought (kind of like that)
Representative songs: "Side Effects" "TMT" (not gonna count any of the mixtapes bc they're really more like singles that just happened to be released in this album)
Clé: LEVANTER - I defined myself too much by my relationship with this person (maybe the person from I am YOU) and lost sight of what I wanted for myself, so when they left me (possibly in Clé 2) I no longer knew what I to do. However, I now realize this and can take hold of my desires for myself.
Representative songs: "STOP" "Levanter" (most of the other songs carry similar 'I'm gonna do what I want now' sentiments, however, they do not include the same ideas about breaking free as "Levanter" and "STOP," while it also does not in words, the fact that it is pretty close to being the same song as "Road Not Taken" from Clé 2 but with mostly different lyrics indicates a connection to the unsureness of that album with a sense of moving on from it)
From the resolution of the Clé albums, most of their albums follow a trend of confidence, like that in Clé: MIROH except they haven't gone back to an uncertain theme afterward. Not every song is so confident, but there were confident songs in the beginning, so why shouldn't it be the other way around?. Case in point: "Grow Up," from I am NOT didn't start with confidence, but it ended with it, and there's also "YAYAYA" from the album from even before their debut. In TOP, which, yes, is now like 3 years old or something (I'm really behind on their newer albums so idk what most of the songs are but I am literally actively working on it right at this moment) and was for an anime, there's "SLUMP," which was written/composed/arranged by Han and Chan so it definitely fully counts, and it's fully super not confident. Nevertheless, the fact that I knew all the songs up through, like, THUNDEROUS, and still had a really hard time thinking of less confident stuff means there's definitely a trend of confidence since the resolution of the clé albums.
chemistry is cool go check it out
heres some designs for atoms I made! There are a lot more that I am willing to share, they're just badly drawn and made for my eyes only so I'll post more of them laterrr :)
if I could eat twix candy every day for every single meal I think I would live the most fulfilled life literally ever in the history of fulfilled lives
New discourse:
Are you a left ovary baby or a right ovary baby?
It's getting better . . . right?
A (very) brief look into how Damian’s life with the League was.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ao3 // Wattpad
previous II next
I'm confused (Part 3)
Damian wanted to spend the whole afternoon in the shower. He wanted to forget everything.
He needed a break.
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions for him. Everything was so confusing.
It was too much.
Although his brothers were becoming more tolerant towards him. It still felt forced.
And to make it worse, things were only getting worse at school.
Today was a good example of that.
His peers usually ridiculed him in private. Somewhere they couldn’t get caught.
They’ve never mocked him in such a public space before. Especially not a public space where adults could return at any time.
It was different.
Damian hates how he allows his mind to wonder how the outcome might’ve been different. If the librarian walked in on what they were doing to Damian, would she have tried to stop it?
Or would she just turn a blind eye?
He hoped that it wasn’t the latter. The librarian was one of the only adults in the facility that Damian could somewhat tolerate.
Out of nowhere, he felt the water become hotter and cursed.
It felt like he was back in the League and they were throwing lava at him again. He was supposed to learn two lessons during that exercise.
One: Learn how to withstand the heat.
If Damian could survive being pelted with lava, he could survive or at least tolerate any high temperature.
And if he got gravely injured or didn’t survive during the lesson? Well, there’s a reason that they had the Lazarus pit.
Any burns or scars that Damian had would dissolve. As if they never existed. It was the one thing he liked about the pit.
Without it, Damian’s whole body would be littered with scars. From the intense training sessions, he’s gone through to the punishments that he has suffered from. Scars were something that he was accustomed to.
Two: Learn how to dodge
If he didn’t want his skin to burnt because of the lava, then he better evade the numerous attacks. It didn’t matter if Damian got hit: there was a sequence on how they launched it. And they wouldn’t stop until all the gallons of lava were empty.
All the injuries that Damian received during that training session might’ve brought him a lot of pain, but it worked.
In the end, Damian believes that the torment that he had gone through was worth it because he had acquired something from it.
He could only hope that it would be the same here.
—————————————————————
Getting out of the shower was harder than Damian thought it would be. He had quickly gotten used to the boiling drops that crashed onto his skin and instantly accepted the pain.
He deserved it after all.
After a few minutes of staring at his sunken reflection, he forced himself to go back to his room.
He didn’t expect to see his siblings lounging around like they owned the place.
Damian hesitated, not knowing what to do.
“Do you guys require my assistance?”
All three heads immediately turned towards him and Grayson’s smile brightened.
“Hey baby-bat.” he greeted, “Any plans today?”
Why do they keep asking that? What do they want from me?
Damian slowly nodded, “Actually,” he lied. “I do.”
The dark-headed trio glanced at each other and Todd raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure?”
No
“Yes.”
He wants to stay home.
“So you aren’t lying?”
He is.
Damian forced a scowl on his face, “No, I’m not.”
The older bat kept pushing, “Are you positive?”
Damian kept a straight face, trying not to let his annoyance show. “Definitely,” he walked forward avoiding the spots where his brothers resided, and crossed his arms. “You guys can leave now.”
Drake walked towards him and Damian had to force himself not to flinch.
Please don’t punish me. I didn’t do anything wrong.
“So you wouldn’t mind telling us what your plans are?”
Damian raised an eyebrow, “I don’t need to tell you anything. It’s none of your business.”
Why can’t they just leave me alone?
“We just want to get to know you better, baby-bat.” Grayson gently assured. “You’ve been here for around a year and we barely know you.”
Damian tutted, “And who’s fault is that exactly?”
His. It was his fault.
Damian knew that it was his fault that no one wanted to get to know him. He was the unwanted one. The one no one expected.
He was an Al Ghul.
A murderer.
He has so much blood in between his fingers and he hasn’t even reached the age of eighteen.
Drake scoffed, “You didn’t exactly make it easy for us to get to know you.”
Of course, he’s right. Drake is always right.
“And am I supposed to care about that?” Damian retorted, “I don’t need plebeians like you to understand me. People like you aren’t-”
“Damian.” Grayson’s stern voice cut through the room like a whip. “Enough.”
“But he was- I didn’t-“ Damian’s voice sounded pitiful in his ears. “Drake was the one who started it.”
The teen scowled at him, narrowing his eyes at Damian. “Why am I not surprised that you’re shifting the blame to me?”
“I’m not shifting the blame towards anyone!” Damian screamed in frustration, trying to get his brothers to understand. “I'm telling the truth!”
The emotions that trashed inside of him for weeks have finally begun to still. As if even they’ve grown tired of trying to figure everything out.
Nothing made sense anymore.
One moment, his brother would act like how his mother would describe a family. Caring, loyal, and loving.
Then the next, they would remind Damian of how the League treated him. Cold, worthless, and unworthy.
Weren’t they supposed to be the good guys?
“What’s going on here?”
Damian turned and saw his father’s muscular frame towering over the door. The tone of his voice was calm, but Damian could see how his blue eyes seemed to rage, demanding for answers.
Damian forced his face to become neutral as he tried to explain the situation. “Father, I was ju-”
“You know, the usual.” Drake interrupted him, “The demon child acting like a brat, throwing his weight around like he owns the place.”
“I was not-”
“Damian.” his father’s voice was coated in the familiar intonation that Damian could never recognize. Was it disgust? Annoyance? Anger? A mix of all? “We’ve talked about this.”
No, they haven’t.
His father barely acknowledged Damian unless he was reporting a mission, or if he did something wrong. Sadly, it was mostly the latter.
If it wasn’t for all the training that Damian’s received, he would’ve flinched from the way his father looked at him. His gaze was filled with disgust. As if Damian was nothing but a piece of gum stuck in his shoe that he couldn’t remove.
As if he was a burden.
But isn’t that what he was?
His father gave him a final glance, “I’m benching you from being Robin until we get this attitude of yours under control.”
He heard someone mutter an “If that’s even possible.”
When Damian heard his father’s footsteps become inaudible, he forced his head up.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Grayson dragging Drake out of Damian’s room. When their eyes met, the oldest Wayne only sighed before shaking his head at Damian.
He knew Grayson well enough to know what his I-am-very-disappointed-in-you looked like.
“You should apologize.”
“What?”
“Apologize,” Todd slowly repeated, as if he was talking to a child. “You should apologize to Tim.”
“Why would I need to apologize for something that wasn’t my fault.”
Todd shut his eyes and clenched his fists before walking past Damian, muttering to himself.
“I knew we shouldn’t-”
“-bothered to try.”
“-deserved everything that happened-”
That was the last thing Damian heard before he heard his door slam shut.
Suddenly, the events of the night have finally plummeted itself towards Damian’s head.
No more Robin.
Damian felt his chest tighten and his heart seemed to race at speeds that could rival the Flash. Everything around began to spin and he couldn’t help but let out a small, frightened breath.
What was wrong with him?
His feet seemed to tremble and he fell on the floor. The room began to heat up.
The sun was against him. It was like all it wanted to do was burn Damian’s skin until there was nothing left.
Was he sweating?
Damian was definitely sweating. Why was he sweating? It’s the middle of Winter.
He couldn’t breathe.
Is he going to die?
He didn’t even get a chance to prove himself to his father.
Though, his mind couldn’t help but contemplate the possible scenarios of when they find him in the middle of his room, dead.
Would his father cry? Or would he just be relieved? Relieved at the fact that he didn’t have to watch over Damian anymore. Would they be happy that the Wayne family was finally back to being normal? Now that the smudge of brown was gone from their picture-perfect portrait.
“Calm down.” He heard a calming voice mutter, “Deep breaths.”
“Ummi?” Damian’s voice sounded muffled as his vision began to fade into the darkness, “Are you taking me home?”
A silhouette bent down to give Damian an embrace.
He didn’t feel anything but he still heard his ummi’s voice. “Deep breaths,” she repeated.
Damian forced himself to focus on the light as he followed the instructions. He couldn’t fail his ummi. She was the only one who ever loved him for him.
In
Out
His head began to ease up. The pain was slowly going away.
In
Out
He could feel his legs, it no longer felt like a mountain was on top of them.
In
Out
His vision slowly cleared up. He could see shapes begin to form as the light steadily took over the darkness.
He was going to be okay.
“Ummi?” his voice cracked.
There wasn’t anyone there.
He felt tears form on the corner of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.
If he cried, it meant that Damian was weak. That he was useless. And he wasn’t.
Right?
His brothers probably hate him again because of his stupid little outburst. He was so stupid.
His father banned him from being Robin, so he probably won’t be able to see his teammates for the time being.
Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut?
He was all alone again.
He didn’t have enough energy to move to his bed, so he hugged his knees closer to his chest as he tried his hardest to keep his tears at bay.
Everything was back to normal.
Note:
(Damian’s emotions have been building up for quite a while now. He’s confused and frustrated. A dangerous combination for someone who wasn’t allowed to express how he felt throughout the beginning of his life.
And from my experience, it’s the smallest things that just make a person break. So when Damian was blamed for something that wasn’t his fault, he just lashed out.
Sorry for the lack of updates from the past two weeks. School sucks. It’s like my teachers barely give me any work throughout the school year just so they could dump everything in May.
Hopefully, this chapter didn’t disappoint you guys too badly. And if it did, give me some nice constructive criticism in the comments. I love reading them, no matter how harsh.)
It's getting better . . . right?
A (very) brief look into how Damian’s life with the League was.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ao3 // Wattpad
previous II next
I'm confused (Part 3)
Damian wanted to spend the whole afternoon in the shower. He wanted to forget everything.
He needed a break.
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions for him. Everything was so confusing.
It was too much.
Although his brothers were becoming more tolerant towards him. It still felt forced.
And to make it worse, things were only getting worse at school.
Today was a good example of that.
His peers usually ridiculed him in private. Somewhere they couldn’t get caught.
They’ve never mocked him in such a public space before. Especially not a public space where adults could return at any time.
It was different.
Damian hates how he allows his mind to wonder how the outcome might’ve been different. If the librarian walked in on what they were doing to Damian, would she have tried to stop it?
Or would she just turn a blind eye?
He hoped that it wasn’t the latter. The librarian was one of the only adults in the facility that Damian could somewhat tolerate.
Out of nowhere, he felt the water become hotter and cursed.
It felt like he was back in the League and they were throwing lava at him again. He was supposed to learn two lessons during that exercise.
One: Learn how to withstand the heat.
If Damian could survive being pelted with lava, he could survive or at least tolerate any high temperature.
And if he got gravely injured or didn’t survive during the lesson? Well, there’s a reason that they had the Lazarus pit.
Any burns or scars that Damian had would dissolve. As if they never existed. It was the one thing he liked about the pit.
Without it, Damian’s whole body would be littered with scars. From the intense training sessions, he’s gone through to the punishments that he has suffered from. Scars were something that he was accustomed to.
Two: Learn how to dodge
If he didn’t want his skin to burnt because of the lava, then he better evade the numerous attacks. It didn’t matter if Damian got hit: there was a sequence on how they launched it. And they wouldn’t stop until all the gallons of lava were empty.
All the injuries that Damian received during that training session might’ve brought him a lot of pain, but it worked.
In the end, Damian believes that the torment that he had gone through was worth it because he had acquired something from it.
He could only hope that it would be the same here.
—————————————————————
Getting out of the shower was harder than Damian thought it would be. He had quickly gotten used to the boiling drops that crashed onto his skin and instantly accepted the pain.
He deserved it after all.
After a few minutes of staring at his sunken reflection, he forced himself to go back to his room.
He didn’t expect to see his siblings lounging around like they owned the place.
Damian hesitated, not knowing what to do.
“Do you guys require my assistance?”
All three heads immediately turned towards him and Grayson’s smile brightened.
“Hey baby-bat.” he greeted, “Any plans today?”
Why do they keep asking that? What do they want from me?
Damian slowly nodded, “Actually,” he lied. “I do.”
The dark-headed trio glanced at each other and Todd raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure?”
No
“Yes.”
He wants to stay home.
“So you aren’t lying?”
He is.
Damian forced a scowl on his face, “No, I’m not.”
The older bat kept pushing, “Are you positive?”
Damian kept a straight face, trying not to let his annoyance show. “Definitely,” he walked forward avoiding the spots where his brothers resided, and crossed his arms. “You guys can leave now.”
Drake walked towards him and Damian had to force himself not to flinch.
Please don’t punish me. I didn’t do anything wrong.
“So you wouldn’t mind telling us what your plans are?”
Damian raised an eyebrow, “I don’t need to tell you anything. It’s none of your business.”
Why can’t they just leave me alone?
“We just want to get to know you better, baby-bat.” Grayson gently assured. “You’ve been here for around a year and we barely know you.”
Damian tutted, “And who’s fault is that exactly?”
His. It was his fault.
Damian knew that it was his fault that no one wanted to get to know him. He was the unwanted one. The one no one expected.
He was an Al Ghul.
A murderer.
He has so much blood in between his fingers and he hasn’t even reached the age of eighteen.
Drake scoffed, “You didn’t exactly make it easy for us to get to know you.”
Of course, he’s right. Drake is always right.
“And am I supposed to care about that?” Damian retorted, “I don’t need plebeians like you to understand me. People like you aren’t-”
“Damian.” Grayson’s stern voice cut through the room like a whip. “Enough.”
“But he was- I didn’t-“ Damian’s voice sounded pitiful in his ears. “Drake was the one who started it.”
The teen scowled at him, narrowing his eyes at Damian. “Why am I not surprised that you’re shifting the blame to me?”
“I’m not shifting the blame towards anyone!” Damian screamed in frustration, trying to get his brothers to understand. “I'm telling the truth!”
The emotions that trashed inside of him for weeks have finally begun to still. As if even they’ve grown tired of trying to figure everything out.
Nothing made sense anymore.
One moment, his brother would act like how his mother would describe a family. Caring, loyal, and loving.
Then the next, they would remind Damian of how the League treated him. Cold, worthless, and unworthy.
Weren’t they supposed to be the good guys?
“What’s going on here?”
Damian turned and saw his father’s muscular frame towering over the door. The tone of his voice was calm, but Damian could see how his blue eyes seemed to rage, demanding for answers.
Damian forced his face to become neutral as he tried to explain the situation. “Father, I was ju-”
“You know, the usual.” Drake interrupted him, “The demon child acting like a brat, throwing his weight around like he owns the place.”
“I was not-”
“Damian.” his father’s voice was coated in the familiar intonation that Damian could never recognize. Was it disgust? Annoyance? Anger? A mix of all? “We’ve talked about this.”
No, they haven’t.
His father barely acknowledged Damian unless he was reporting a mission, or if he did something wrong. Sadly, it was mostly the latter.
If it wasn’t for all the training that Damian’s received, he would’ve flinched from the way his father looked at him. His gaze was filled with disgust. As if Damian was nothing but a piece of gum stuck in his shoe that he couldn’t remove.
As if he was a burden.
But isn’t that what he was?
His father gave him a final glance, “I’m benching you from being Robin until we get this attitude of yours under control.”
He heard someone mutter an “If that’s even possible.”
When Damian heard his father’s footsteps become inaudible, he forced his head up.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Grayson dragging Drake out of Damian’s room. When their eyes met, the oldest Wayne only sighed before shaking his head at Damian.
He knew Grayson well enough to know what his I-am-very-disappointed-in-you looked like.
“You should apologize.”
“What?”
“Apologize,” Todd slowly repeated, as if he was talking to a child. “You should apologize to Tim.”
“Why would I need to apologize for something that wasn’t my fault.”
Todd shut his eyes and clenched his fists before walking past Damian, muttering to himself.
“I knew we shouldn’t-”
“-bothered to try.”
“-deserved everything that happened-”
That was the last thing Damian heard before he heard his door slam shut.
Suddenly, the events of the night have finally plummeted itself towards Damian’s head.
No more Robin.
Damian felt his chest tighten and his heart seemed to race at speeds that could rival the Flash. Everything around began to spin and he couldn’t help but let out a small, frightened breath.
What was wrong with him?
His feet seemed to tremble and he fell on the floor. The room began to heat up.
The sun was against him. It was like all it wanted to do was burn Damian’s skin until there was nothing left.
Was he sweating?
Damian was definitely sweating. Why was he sweating? It’s the middle of Winter.
He couldn’t breathe.
Is he going to die?
He didn’t even get a chance to prove himself to his father.
Though, his mind couldn’t help but contemplate the possible scenarios of when they find him in the middle of his room, dead.
Would his father cry? Or would he just be relieved? Relieved at the fact that he didn’t have to watch over Damian anymore. Would they be happy that the Wayne family was finally back to being normal? Now that the smudge of brown was gone from their picture-perfect portrait.
“Calm down.” He heard a calming voice mutter, “Deep breaths.”
“Ummi?” Damian’s voice sounded muffled as his vision began to fade into the darkness, “Are you taking me home?”
A silhouette bent down to give Damian an embrace.
He didn’t feel anything but he still heard his ummi’s voice. “Deep breaths,” she repeated.
Damian forced himself to focus on the light as he followed the instructions. He couldn’t fail his ummi. She was the only one who ever loved him for him.
In
Out
His head began to ease up. The pain was slowly going away.
In
Out
He could feel his legs, it no longer felt like a mountain was on top of them.
In
Out
His vision slowly cleared up. He could see shapes begin to form as the light steadily took over the darkness.
He was going to be okay.
“Ummi?” his voice cracked.
There wasn’t anyone there.
He felt tears form on the corner of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.
If he cried, it meant that Damian was weak. That he was useless. And he wasn’t.
Right?
His brothers probably hate him again because of his stupid little outburst. He was so stupid.
His father banned him from being Robin, so he probably won’t be able to see his teammates for the time being.
Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut?
He was all alone again.
He didn’t have enough energy to move to his bed, so he hugged his knees closer to his chest as he tried his hardest to keep his tears at bay.
Everything was back to normal.
Note:
(Damian’s emotions have been building up for quite a while now. He’s confused and frustrated. A dangerous combination for someone who wasn’t allowed to express how he felt throughout the beginning of his life.
And from my experience, it’s the smallest things that just make a person break. So when Damian was blamed for something that wasn’t his fault, he just lashed out.
Sorry for the lack of updates from the past two weeks. School sucks. It’s like my teachers barely give me any work throughout the school year just so they could dump everything in May.
Hopefully, this chapter didn’t disappoint you guys too badly. And if it did, give me some nice constructive criticism in the comments. I love reading them, no matter how harsh.)
I'm not sending insults! These are death threats. :)
Arrioe I can insult high standing individuals all on my own thank you.