Thoughts Of My Soul - Tumblr Posts

CAUTERIZATION

When life gets hard

I get high

Smoke in my lungs

With tears in my eyes

Clouds of bad habits

Billow up at the sky

Say it’s unhealthy,

You’re probably right

But I couldn’t care,

It’s how I get by

Pain is a drug to me

I lack the ability to react emotionally

Pain is normal,

A common thing

Distorting the lines of reality

And even though I know

It may one day kill me

As lethal as it may be

I don’t ever ask it to leave

Desperation… to feel anything

I would let all the hurt, swallow me

And to explain it; there is no analogy

It’s all in my soul, you see

Nothing I could write,

Nothing you could ever read

Could make another human being

Feel just how it feels,

to feel absolutely nothing

03.17.2024

2:45 A.M.

He’s still in the county jail, they haven’t taken him to prison yet. Said his out date would be some time in 2028. I don’t see how it could be that soon, somebody probably miscalculated & I’m not getting my hopes up. I hope I can change in the years that he isn’t around. I hope I can get my shit together. I think I will. I know I will. I’ll be 28 next month. I wanna be happy again.

UNEXPECTED

You take up all the space in my memory

If I’m not with you, you’re in my daydreams

God knows how I fell in love so fast; I'll never understand why

Wish I wasn’t so shy, or I would’ve told you when I saw you the very first time

That when you looked at me, I saw my soul inside your eyes

Was it serendipity? Finally the right time?

Falling for you was different; it was like I could fly

I’m so thankful your path crossed mine

Even if you’re gone, these memories keep our love alive

I just wanted you to know that you’re always on my mind

And while I wasn’t yours and you weren’t mine

I’ve never felt so safe with anyone else in my life

You were an enigma — the strong, silent type

Like you were “once bitten & twice shy”

You were afraid of me, for whatever reason why

Maybe someone lied to you one too many times?

Or did you make a bet with love but it dropped you on a dime?

I know it seems impossible to trust when you’ve been traumatized

But my love is different; it’s patient, it’s real, it’s kind

A life full of pain that you hide behind a smile

But I could see the hurt, it was hidden in your eyes

And I know that I can’t fix you, so I won’t ever try

Instead I’ll love you just as you are — even if you think you’re fucked up, to me you’re just fine

And I promise these things, for the rest of my life:

I’ll have your back, your front, & your side

If you’re ever too weak to stand, I’ll lend you my spine

If a war starts inside your head, I’ll give you peace of mind

If your heart ever stops beating, I’ll shock it back to life

Your wings might be broken now, but I can’t wait to see you fly

No matter the distance and no matter the time

I’ll always, always love you beyond ANY reason why

05.30.2024

4:41 P.M.