Tublr Girls - Tumblr Posts

Merlin: FEAR ME

The Fandom: Oh my god ur so cute, can I hug u

this is so me

For you, J

I don’t know why I’ve allowed myself to think about you so much for so long.

I feel pathetic and stupid and starkery.

I hate what I’m doing to myself 

I hate that I’ve compared so many people to you

I hate that I feel like I annoy you.

I hate that I thought we could maybe be together but it’s dumb.

I hate that I’m so sad but I have no reason to be sad.

I hate that I have created cathedrals in my mind for you, even after I said I’ll stop.

I hated that when I told you I did, you didn’t understand what I meant.

I hate that only time you ever told me you loved me was when I was sitting on your lap in your car at four in the morning and you didn’t mean it. I’ll say it now though.

I love you.

I hate that I didn’t say it back, even if I wouldn’t have been able to really mean it, but at least I would have meant it more than you.

And I hate that I’ve lost my biggest fantasy.

You have someone new but even if it lasts till tomorrow, I know I still shouldn't try to get you back. 

You’ll never read this and I’m glad.

So, my somewhat ex-lover

This is me, signing off.