Wizard Stuff - Tumblr Posts

This is why I use elementals bound to my will rather than the undead.

Why would I bother with sentient thralls that I need to invest time and effort into the wellbeing of when I can have robots animated by the sheer magical energies of the outer planes ?

Smh average necromancy L

Average Conjuration W

Reminder to provide your undead with therapy. Just because they're no longer alive doesn't mean they don't have feelings, too.

Tale proper care of your undead thralls, fellow necromancers. That's honestly the key to a strong undead army; be a kind leader to your troops.

Average warlock of Dendar the night serpent

I want to kill the sun

Disclaimer: Killing the sun will kill you do not try this at home

PSA for my fellow wizards

Do not attempt use hydra stem cells as a steroid !

I was experimenting on my homunculus as one does when I had a brilliant idea, since when a Lernean hydra has one of its heads chopped off it grows back two I had the idea of using Hydra stem cells and integrating them within the homunculi muscles.

The idea being that as you work out your muscles receive microscopic damage that would now instantly grow back twice as much

As a result my Homunculus would rapidly become, as the youth might say "yoked or perchance shredded or maybe even Jacked" then through our soul link I too would become large and muscular with little to no effort.

There was however one small problem

I did not account for the idea that the cells would interact badly with the body and be unable to tell what is damage

As a result my Homunculus and through the soul link I too rapidly become a massive mess of hundreds of limbs in a roughly spherical shape filled with bundles of organs.

It was most unpleasant

I had to move my soul into a clone body

Any wizards who know what to do pls help !!!

There has been a breech in between my trash dimension (the demi plane I use as a bin ) and the para-elemental plane of dust ! Even worse my automatic waste disposal system blasts the rubbish with lightning

As a result when I next opened my trash dimension to throw away some expired potions....a huge wave of statically charged dust came out and stuck to everything!!!

There is dust in my clothes

Dust in every corner of my tower

Dust in my forbidden library

There is even dust in my inner sanctum

And even worse because of the static charge it sticks to things so I can't simply brush it away and it's nonmagical in nature so I can't dispel it either !

What should I do ?

Welcome to wizard garage sale

Everything must go

(I'm moving to a new tower in another plane of existence and I can't take it all with me, because of import laws )

Talking skull £30

will tell you all about steam trains

Anti candles £12 each

produce darkness instead of light

Spare Spell book £25

Mostly conjuration and transfiguration spells

Komodo dragon familiar -NA-

Needs to go to a loving home. To be adopted not bought.

Magic beans £60

Will grow overnight into a magic beanstalk

Low level spell scrolls £1.50 each

Flying magic bicycle £499.99

Vintage, Top speed Mach 3, slightly scratched paint otherwise in good condition

Animated suit of armour £64

Named Reginald. (Warning not stainless. Reginald needs to be cleaned regularly to prevent rusting )

Assorted knick-knacks thingamajigs and doohickeys, 99p each. By one get one free

Enchanted Banjo £40

when played spits fire at 2300°C

Sturdy cauldron £28

Seen better days but still usable

Evil Cursed Sofa bed of despair £10

I don't know if it's the magic or just the design but this sofa bed is always just a tiny bit less comfortable than you can possibly bear. It's also possessed by an Eldritch entity.

(reblog and tell me what you bought so I can keep track of stock and record my sales. I don't want to be caught by the magic IRS, they use dragons )

We have

Cloak of bees

Conjure lesser Florida

Dispel caffeine

Dashamirs despicable damp towel

Waltz of the peonies

Frog rain

Inflict intrusive thoughts

Refrigerate teeth

Detonnate pie

Crack screen

Hovolitz outrageous haggler

Psychic bagpipes

Barnaby's bouncing beam

Instant culinary ageing

Aura of banana

Scatter

Throngle

Mighty muscles of mayhem

Greater nuh uh

Resonant impact

Instant tidying of ilmater

Welcome to wizard garage sale

Everything must go

(I'm moving to a new tower in another plane of existence and I can't take it all with me, because of import laws )

Talking skull £30

will tell you all about steam trains

Anti candles £12 each

produce darkness instead of light

Spare Spell book £25

Mostly conjuration and transfiguration spells

Komodo dragon familiar -NA-

Needs to go to a loving home. To be adopted not bought.

Magic beans £60

Will grow overnight into a magic beanstalk

Low level spell scrolls £1.50 each

Flying magic bicycle £499.99

Vintage, Top speed Mach 3, slightly scratched paint otherwise in good condition

Animated suit of armour £64

Named Reginald. (Warning not stainless. Reginald needs to be cleaned regularly to prevent rusting )

Assorted knick-knacks thingamajigs and doohickeys, 99p each. By one get one free

Enchanted Banjo £40

when played spits fire at 2300°C

Sturdy cauldron £28

Seen better days but still usable

Evil Cursed Sofa bed of despair £10

I don't know if it's the magic or just the design but this sofa bed is always just a tiny bit less comfortable than you can possibly bear. It's also possessed by an Eldritch entity.

(reblog and tell me what you bought so I can keep track of stock and record my sales. I don't want to be caught by the magic IRS, they use dragons )

Have you ever heard of "Arcane aura architectural elongation" ?

It's the reason most old wizards live in towers.

You see air is more magic conductive than rocks or other solid , (hence why casting a spell on someone you can see through direct line of slight is easier than casting a spell on someone the other side of a wall. )

Well if spells are regularly cast within a building for years at a time then the following process will occur

The residual magic energy will rise upwards towards the ceiling and apply an upward force as it makes it's way through the building. The inherent nature of magic as something that causes change and growth unless otherwise curtailed means that this free magical energy will alleviate that pressure by simply very slowly growing the building. Every spell you cast your house will grow about a millimetre taller. Meaning if you cast a dozen spells a day then each year your house will grow 4.38M. within just a decade of a wizard living in it a house will have become a tower. Luckily this process also thickens the lower walls meaning that the tower remains structurally sound.

Although it can result in wizards butting heads with local housing estates who may consider these towers an eyesore, hence why wizard towers are also in the wilderness as the wizards don't want to deal with getting planning permission for a process they don't even control.

I have a new dark spell for my fellow wizards

Components, verbal,sematic,matterial (consumed )

A handful of peanut shells and a feather

I cast....inflict allergy to favourite food !