Cephalopoda Traumatizing My Favorite Anti-heroes

Cephalopoda traumatizing my favorite anti-heroes

Why?

After Miraak escapes with the last Dragonborn, I can see tentacles trying to pull Miraak back to apocrypha and Mimi screaming for the ldb to help.

Uncle Mory only has a taste for first dragonborns, apparently, and just doesn’t like the remake as much as the original? Even though it was partly his fault that the original was ruined?

So Miraak screams for the ldb to help but they’re just chill, like Smee and playfully slapping the tentacles away enough to keep him.

Like Captain hook and the Octopus from Peter Pan 2.

Slapstic ensures. By the end of it Miraak’s robes are ruined and he is pretty much in just his mask and his adorkable heart boxers. IF he even wears underwear. I don’t think people had underwear 4000+ years ago.

Elder Scrolls Madlibs pt.3

She woke up at 3 a.m, stagnating and sweating tequila, remembering the awesome end of her best friend she might have had cygnets for. It slurped to remember.

She cynically sat up on the bed and became aware of a debugged, hooded figure in the room. She saw a guy wearing a suit, looking creepy and full of cold beer.

With a noble smile on his face, he started “You deduce rather gaily for a killer... That’s CAPITAL, lass! You’ll need a clear magnetic field for what I’m about to cook up.”

The Bosmer is as loud as Ariel on her first 3 days as a human.

“You prefer drugs, then? As do I, dear child, as do I. Good, now that I got your number, let me fight myself...I am Lucien Lachance, speaker for the death-eaters brotherhood and YOU...”, he pointed abruptly at her “are a FISH!... The dweeb mother has been watching you. Observing as you dab without grocery or remorse. The dweeb mother is most pleased!... That is why I vent here before you; I come with a guide, an i-phone to join our rather hedonistic family...

Trans(lated) Sheogorath

or

SHEOGORATH IS YOGURT

The many names of the (TRANSlated) Madgod.

I attempted to google-translate the bio of some characters and here’s what I got from Sheo:

1.      Sheogorath  (The original, sometimes it got it right)

2.      Seogorath (Close enough)

3.      Sogorad   ( So... Go, you radical person, Sheo probably doesn’t want you)

4.      Shogura (Nani ?)

(looked it up, closest I found was shigure= winter rainshower? apparently... What with the rain and all)

5.      Zigguratgu    (....Cigarettes?)

6.      Schiograt      (A free trip to Italy?  Schiograt-uito?)

7.      Schwegarat   (um... Schweg? As in Swag? Idk)

8.      Geogorath

(Not to be confused with Geogoraph, That’s the Shivering Isles)

9.      George.... (prince of Jordan?)

And last but no least: the detail that was lost in translation.The proof that Sheo is, in fact

10.   Yogurt

FORGET THE CHEESE , SHEO= YOGURT CONFIRMED!!!

Also Bonus:

Translated Jyggalag

1.      Gigaragu

2.      Jigsaw.  (OMMG, that explains a lot)

Elder Scrolls Madlibs pt.2

The Bosmer girl was tired. She had just offed the chump of the Coliseum, I mean the Imperial fighting hole and she took his dysfunctional siphon along with that a de carbonizing fan of an error message named onion head. Whenever she would go near him he would go ‘by Azura, buy a zucchini, buy azathioprine! It’s the grand graphics! Oh I can’t believe it’s you, dabbing here next to me!’’ That little funky fraud was following her and sickening her all week.

She also got an creepy message that said ‘your modding has been observed by devices unknown’.

‘Uh...Ok’’ she thought looking at the creepy script that dished itself at the upper left of the screen, ‘that was rather supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!’... Not to mention that back in Oblivion someone was waiting for this line and then started dancing with watermelons out of his pure joy.

Thankfully, after rescuing some stocky blokes from their own talking giant sweetrolls that they got from a shifty wizard, she was about to level up. After slapping the adorable dork for one last time, she dismissed him and checked into a nice hotel in Bravil. She paid 30 $eptim$ for a room but felt a strange shadow in the area as she was falling sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was traveling to cloud ruler club on a rainy afternoon. Baurus and the others were sitting in a corner dying their underwear and looking rather disturbed. She tried to talk to him but all he said was ‘let them have fake gizmos, we offer fast dysfunction...Don’t miss the cardboard council of the fisheries’

She quoted her unavoidable fan ‘By Azula!’. It certainly looked like they had all been tickled by the intoxicated tiny giraffe cultists of Clavicus Vile!

She went to see Jauffre who was in the main hall but he was reading the rarest  book on Nirn he had the red fox ‘borrow’ from Manimarko for him, that was the original edition of the Epic of John-boy, the Ebony Mudcrab, and was shushing her whenever she opened her mouth to try and ask about Martin.

Then, she heard loud and strange noises from upstairs. She barged into Martin’s room and what she saw was ‘un-unseeable’.

There, on a table, stood a high Martin failing to make a cool pose, wearing a red bikini and holding a tanker full of some weird liquid. ‘‘ Hey babe! Check out the new drink I just invented in honour of my old pal, Sam Guevene! I shall call it.... Martini! Shhh.... It has Skooma in it! Want some? But... BUT...shhhhShhh... Don’t tell the Joff-Joff, he ain’t rad ‘nough fah dis!’

She was about to say something witty but then , out of nowhere, came a pink Dagon, dressed like a paradoxical Christmass tree and Martin turned into a statue of a golden dragon. His last word were were ‘See?! It’s so good that it turns yah into a ledz... legendary golden slug! Haha ! Lol...GASP... Marty out!

# Martini # Dragongod # the last septim # So long Oblivion # gold.”

To be continued....

Daedric Dragonborn Fetish

The five pieces of evidence for the Oblivion Fad of ‘Dragonborn fetish’ are as follows

Piece of Evidence 1: Uriel VII was in oblivion for 10 years, I guess in Dagon’s realm.

Piece of Evidence 2: Sanguine and Martin

Piece of Evidence 3: If you have COC x Martin or COC!Sheo x Dragonborn with Martin as his bestie.

Piece of Evidence 4: Mr. Hentai Thingy with Miraak. Why else would he keep him for so many years? ;)

Piece of Evidence 5: Basically, almost all daedric princes want the ldb as their champion.

SCENE

In Judge Stendarr’s court room:

Judge!Sten : Mr. Daedra, you are being accused by Mr. Akatosh Aedra to having stalked, corrupted, harmed and even indirectly murdered his babies! What do you have to say for yourself?

Daedric princes minus Jyggy-poo but especially Sheo, Mora and Guiny:

What can we say, Dragonborns are HOT!

Akatosh*screaming hysterically, like Draco’s mom after she heard about the hippogriff incident*

Oh my Godhead! U hearin’ this? Punish them! Punish them! Punish them!

*Mara is at his side, with tissues and holding him back*

Judge!Sten: Mr. Daedra, how do you plead?

Daedra: Guilty, Guilty, 10^(Miraak’s age) Guilty! It’s all worth it and you can’t stop us!

Judge!Sten: You are all sentenced to a week of being lock and chained in a room at your Dad’s with Jyggalag babysitting you!

Daedra Translate: Molag Bal

Google-translated Molag Bal. Like Malacath, there is too much modern AU of military and Christian-based cults in here.

Molag Bal: Google Translate

 Molaga Bal - Servant of the leader of domination and spiritual relations, it begs the question that he can catch the spirits of their domination.

Prince Moragbar The ruled and spiritually enslaved prince tried to tie his soul to his land [ Molag ]

 Molaga Bala - the leader of the slave country and tried to convey its spirit.

 Molga Baal - The prince is the Holy Spirit, who is trying to bring contentment and spirit to the kingdom.

 Mareg Bell - The Prime Minister is trying to stay on the moon

Mareg Bell-The incumbent Prime Minister trying to sit down on the moon.

Mulleg Bell - the Prime Minister, as a slave, tries to earn a living in the field.

 Mulleg Bell - Prince of the government as a slave, and tries to take lives in the field.

Prince Moragbar was once known as Mulleg Bell, a slave that was used on the fields. After leading a slave rebellion, he brought contentment to his kingdom and is venerated as the Holy Spirit. He is currently trying to conquer the moon but is unable to stay there due to Gravity issues but does not want to leave.