Gustavio Was Miffed. When Exactly During Their Hook Up Did Luke Swallow His Nipple Ring? Whatever. Gustavio

Gustavio was miffed. When exactly during their hook up did Luke swallow his nipple ring? Whatever. Gustavio was ordering delivery from the food store. So far he had Crisco, cherry vodka and prunes. Was 22 too old for Ramen Noodles? That was ageist. Working on that obviously but the damage done. Anything else?

The pool always turned milky when Chris thought of jockstraps or Brad forgot the cereal and the bowl.

Was he Brad or Chris??! Damn it. Why did his underwear speak Greek?!? This wasn’t helpful. Hmmmm.

Maybe he’d go find their other neighbor. The one that’s not Luke. Becky. Yes. Her. She solved this predicament once b4 when Brad and Chris crossed wires during that epic and admittedly traumatic staring contest.

Now what did SHE look like?! He couldn’t remember. All girls looked the same. Becky only moved in a few months ago. It takes at least a year b4 any gay man can start telling them apart.

Well, back to Greek then.

Brad and Chris thought to celebrate the new elevator in their three story dream house with a pool party. Having lived in Barbie and Ken’s former pad for a year now, what they were really celebrating was the dreaded ‘lump curse’ did not befall on either of them. Ken and Ken’s doctor said if their units didn’t mound over in the first year they’d be fine. In their brand new pink and purple Speedos, Brad and Chris were fine indeed. Exceedingly so. Perhaps they do a similar get up on Wednesday when Ken hosts Hump Day Happy Hour at the local Cantina. It is a hole in the wall but for whatever reason the whole thing just works.

I first feel the need to say that’s my BF Brad. Don’t worry too much. He’s been through worse.

Brad walked in a church once when he was 15 only because there was literally a tornado across the street & it was the closest building around. It was destroyed but luckily Brad managed to lodge himself between the pews so the giant cross with a man nailed to it didn’t crush him but rather provided a twisted sort of shelter from the rest of the debris. For three hours Brad was trapped with this chiseled nearly naked dude with thorns in his head obviously in horrific pain hovering right over him.

Brad still has nightmares. I cringe just from recounting the story. I have never seen a twister myself but I do know Helen Hunt vanished essentially overnight like plastic straws and Dorothy didn’t deserve being discounted by her uncles when she just wanted to share her dream.

She was knocked unconscious by flying debris. Poor kid. Can you imagine? I can’t support the film for that reason and of course the unforgivable special effects. Terrible. Just terrible. I mean they were criticized by the people of the day. Take a moment to read the original reviews. It’s very telling.

Did you know stealing pets is still not even a law in most places? Why are we stealing pets anyway? There’s the beginning of your problem. I can tell you that much.

Here’s what else I can say from 22 years of experience. 19-throw-it-away, stop recycling Pandora’s box, and create something to last a lifetime. No one does their research, we spin instead of provide context and no one will admit to themselves they already think. We need more than fabricated reason, a Google education, and a river cruise through Egypt to get through life you know. I tried them all and look at where we are. Where is that anyway? Never mind. It will come to me.

Now, before you say anything and to answer your question… Yes. It feels nice to get out. Lot’s going on but nothing going on. Do you know what I mean? BTW’s, please let me know if I’m putting words in your mouth. I’ve been talking to one person now for more than a year and you are my first contact since the onset of the pandemic. I should probably ask for your names huh?

(A short pause)

Ok. Let’s give this another whirl. Yeah?

Aloha. I’m Chris. We may get to my other half later. Do u frequent the Venetian pool often?

Ohhhh. Wait. Hold up. I remembered where we were but still f-d it up. It’s been a minute so forgive me. I forgot to ask your names. What are they? Then, I desperately need to know where you got your matching Brittany Spears halters. They absolutely rule.

Drugs Rock n Roll Bad ass Vega Whores Late Night Booty Calls Shiny Disco Balls

Well that’s cute Chris but where’s our super hot boy model in training? You know… Jose. I can’t see him by any light right now. For whatever reason you’re wearing his suit and I don’t really care how or why. My concern at the moment is the birthday cake I’m holding for him. It’s made of chocolate ice cream and cost $100.