Open Or Close Casket

Open or close casket

How much of yourself is supposed to be given in the name of love? What are the rules for living independently, dependently? Can I breath with my own permission? Am I allowed to feel what I want without you!?

At what point, is affection and consideration, gestures willingly done without force?

People say being single is terrible. I say being single is a book that needs to be written. Single people witness couples people go through there ups and downs. Single people believe it or not! Know most of your intimate Intricacies as well your inadequacies too. All in the name of being heard. I listen!

Relationships are conventionally thought to be two people who admires so much that they rather be together than a part. In today’s world it’s almost always how hard can you make me cum. How much can you give me for this pleasure? Well if you don’t know. Im single who’s ready to mingle. But! Many of my close friends are not. One in particular is the Enchantress. A woman so beautiful, she is said to make even the most of (homo) reconsider if he is.

You see, she’s been in a relationship with this man for two going on three years now. A relationship that was budding like the spring equinox were in. Often I’d see her rushing into a cab leaving us behind. While we were in a group setting. Usually I would consider this being rude. But! I too know the bee sting of love. Her man is a doctor who originally from South America. But! Was raised here in the states. My friend has a taste for the luxurious things in life. She chooses to be with a man who has what it takes. Than a man she’s have to build up and be drained from. And No! She has her own. And yes! She does identify, occasionally, as a gold digger.

The way she puts it, is that men. No matter where, on the planet choose to be with a naturally bountiful woman. A woman who can and does understand his emotional, physical and spiritual needs. So why not be with a man who can make this bond, a enjoyable one. Never having to worry about the price on a tag. Or the amount on a dinner bill. To focus on what she’s naturally capable of doing. Giving birth and tending to their children.

I had a hard time, honestly; viewing her perspective at first. Until I first hand had seen what women go through in romantic settings. How they are expected to always give up or tend to more than their partners. This too can be implied to feminine gay men, who are the submitters in there relationship. You see, to me submission is an act of great trust. It is one of the most valuable things any person can give to one another. Now! For the sake of this post. I’ll do my best to stay on topic. However. Straight men or other identifying people can submit to their wives and partners too. It’s a bond. Which is why people kill for love. In the case of the enchantress, I have seen her do this over and over. To the point that I don't understand why she gives him so much privilege. Time after time I see how each time he chips away from her. Little by little there's parts of her light that grows dimmer and dimmer. I wonder How thins will turn out in the end.

At the end of the day all we or me, can do is help her see what's happening. After all, to many people, love is blind.

The desire of the heart is what makes her so vulnerable to his actions. She's not unaware of how things are for her. She see's she feels and she knows. there's been times when I tell her to think about it all. Think about how you would feel in the future with this man. When you wed this is what you wed into. You take on him, his burdens, his mother, even his children and the 1st baby mama! Yes! I said it 1st. that's coming up later ronin much detail.

I have to say, when you choose to bind yourself or anyone else you must think of how hard it is to be them. Love spells are not something to be played with because in fact they are not love spells. they are domination spells and binding spells. Actions that strip or lessen the will of another. That is why you must make sure the person loves you on their own accord. And not just" like" you! She herself has said the root has worked stuplendidly. And yes she said she waited for him to love her before she loved him. Or loves him. But! What spell could be so, If he's already being worked on? Regardless of the spell cast on to this man. Or even for future knowledge. You must be clean of the eyes that lay on you. You must have a clean subject to work on. Paint you canvas with your herbs and candles. But! if the cloth or canvas is stained with that of another. What say you do? What do you do. And that is nothing! Or nothing but! Clean. And this is where I believe the Enchantress trouble's lie. She fell for a canvas that's been soiled and cast upon. And like a woman in love. She did not clean and or wait. She did not see the signs or what had been done. Only what her heart desired, She saw what her spells have brought her. A man of her wishes.

The desires of the Enchantress is that:

A man who can love, even through the dullest of pain, sharpest of blades. That he'd be able to continue to push through and try.

A man who's wealth goes beyond that of his first, second and even third born children. A wealth that is not worried for. Where the children can be sing gleefully and be most gay.

A man who puts his wife's needs before his own and expect the same in return.

But! these are only but a few mutters I was able to hear from the parched lips of my sister witch. For her spells are hers. I myself prefer the scrying of my crystal balls and tarot work. With the watchful eyes of the "MIST" people to do my bidding. I think that spells are last resort. Unless other wise absolutely needed. Manipulation I feel is just as good, if not better. Because The mind and heart wants what it wants. And that can undo or break through, poke through any spell or any binding. And that to me is the case with the enchantresses relationship. No magic or spell. Hell.....not even being bound by spirit can change the internal conflict a man has regarding the love lost from a parent or his first love. Or the hearts true desire. To me this is why men need to learn to own there feelings. I have seen many spells undone though actions and not intention because their hearts desire are else where.

There will be things said and things seen that may make this union be more than just questioned! I must go for now Dear Tumblr. Until then................................ To be continued.

this is creepyish I like it!

The Sixth Trial by Jorge Mascarenhas

Was it really worth it?

Dear Tumblr Diary

Was it really worth it? I have to say that yes! I know everyone and their mothers are talking about the slap that was seen around the world. Being that I’m more of a will smith fan. Than I am of Jada pinker and or Chris Rock. I have to say this to me, was seen a long time ago. Not Will Smith going up on stage SLAPPING the living shit out of Chris Rock. But! Will Smith standing up for himself as a person. I say person rather than man. Because in my eye’s your gender, sex (Identity) in that aspect has nothing to do with standing your ground and demanding your respect. Over the years I have seen how many people, celebrities or those who frequent them. Try and emasculate him, provoke him or taunt in one way or another. I’m not a person who’s big on pop culture or whats in the happening now. As an outlier, when things are big. Big enough to catch my attention. I give it!

Over the years, This red table from his wife, daughter and mother in law has come up. And other aspects of there lives have come into the public eye. Which in a patriarchal society, has made will smith seem like too much of a passive guy. "Seem" being the operative word here! I’ve always liked will smith because of his down to earth humor and relatability. I too, am his completion. And goofy like him too. I guess like most fans I have attached aspects of my identity to him and his success. I think thats why most people go really hard for there Idol. Or a celebrity that makes them feel.

I too know the ways of suffering in silence. I know how it feels to bite your tongue. And keep a pretty smilie face on for optics. It has to be hard for him in ways that we could and or only imagine. I do not have children and nor am I married to a woman who’s free to spill the beans about our personal matters. Now! Small disclaimer! (I don’t know shit about there personal lives) He for all intensive purposes can be just as guilty as her with having entanglements. BUt! The reason for this post is to share why I agree wit this, "SLAPPING" of the rock. The Chris rock, you see from other sources and even from both of their statements on social media they have Identified each other as friends. But! Would a friend constantly poke fun of you. Especially with a room full of people he could have chosen to poke fun at.

Almost every time I have seen Will smith in the media before this incident, It was deeply heart felt. When listing to him, either podcasters talk about him or when on YouTube videos of his being shown. It seemed to me there was always more behind that mans eyes. I believe, he felt that he could not choose wisely. I may be wrong. Fuck I am wrong because with everyone getting a divorce. He could HAVE left her! Or her leave him!? But they choose to stay together.

Was the joke a really bad joke no! But! When sources on TV and other social media outlets confirm that Jada has a medical condition. It makes it all the worse. Will smith on hot97 and other platforms is always in someone’s mouth. And who knows what was said between the couple about her condition. NOt!!!!! to mention as a gay man! My hair is everything to me. I like how it’s an extension of myself expression and Identity. So I can totally see this being that for any women. Especially a celebrity. I share in her pain in knowing that something thats out of her control is happening to her body. How she has to change her thoughts. Not to mention, her self perception is going to be a real eye opener for her.

She has brought up time before that she & Tupac have been in love. She to me has not gotten over that. Has not moved on or even properly grieved his death. I again can relate to wanting to love someone and it being snatched from you. Taken with out notice. Only to deal with the remains. It’s nothing you can do but! Deal!

Maybe these scenarios, are what we’re running in the thoughts of Will Smith. How he’s always shrugging things off. Letting things go. Being passive about the amount of disrespect that thrown him. There’s always the straw that breaks the camel’s back. And talking about backs. The way the internet has show support! I have to say is funny, But! Fucked up. I myself had to take a MOMENT and realize I too play in to his man’s mental help.

This persons feelings are being disregarded! When people are constantly checking him about how he should behave and not how it’s ok to be. To just be. He’s a mentor, father, probably someone’s brother or cousin. He’s a husband. All titles, many people on this planet can relate to. Was rock wrong? I’m still indifferent about it because the statement says He did not know. And being that they are celebrities. He has his brand to run. And they have their own to run as well. As the women around always say “ MInd the business that pays you” and well, In Chris rocks case, It didn’t pay that well on stage. But!!!!! I have to say that he did handle that very well. Even when Will smith kept it going from his seat! He kept his composure.

I’m from the hood. So! For me one smack ain’t gonna kill no body. It night get you knocked out. But, It ain’t gonna kill no one. I

too funny

spring

What is it, you fight for?

I keep asking myself the question. What is it that I fight for! This question, sprouted in thought because I feel that this planet is sooo fucking ghetto. I’m not saying that I have been on other’s. Or even know wha it’s like. But! What I am saying is that It has to be better some way some how!!! Why is it that we have to pay to live on this planet and for what! Also not to mention we're also kept in line by some fictional being that regulates how well you deal with bull shit it decides to put you through. To me! None of this makes sense. What so fucking ever.

Today I was on the metro north train. Headed from Yonkers to Grand Central. Me not paying any mind to whats going on around me. Because I’m busy being face down on my phone scrolling through “Tic Toks” to make me laugh or to feel righteous abut some social injustice done right. That I did not notice that I made it to yankee stadium. Where all of my alarms bells and whistles have gone off. Because a bunch of loud and drunken white folks have gotten on from the game.

You see I’m not always around white folk. And when and or if I am, It is because I have to be. This was crazy all of them were very loud. And very drunk and very disturbing. The group started chanting, fuck Biden. And other game like chants. I had no problem wit what they were saying I just had an issue with the volume. I became super perturbed and even greatly annoyed. My ears flickered and my face, it rested like it never rested before. This resting bitch face, felt so legendary that it could have starred in its own Movie. A movie that literally is made up of grunts and looks. I felt like a cat among dogs. I see why they sit there and make faces now. When all you are doing is sitting there trying to relax before your 12 hour shift in the hot loading dock.... and boom!!!! This wave of drunken entitled people come and just took over.

I’m writing about this because, These spaces they take up when they enter, is crazy. It’s almost as if the energy gets warped. Like a real ilife glammer spell is casted before your eyes. I had to ask myself. If any person of color were to come in to such a public space and create such a nuisance. Would it have been accepted or even tolerated. As they chanted in camaraderie of fuck the president or even when being vaguer with other statements. Would it have not been challenged? I started to feel unsafe. As a sea of people who are Notoriously known for violence when intoxicated. Started to take over the car I was in. It’s really the first time in my life that I felt like an other. Not for my sexuality like I usually do. But! Because of my skin!

Now! They did not do anything to me. They did not intimidate me. And! They did not have anything to do with me. My point is that in black and brown spaces. We’re inclusive of everyone in the space, "usually". We acknowledge and for the most part tolerate others as much as we can. We see each other. And we in a way create a psychic safe space. You can agree to disagree. But! As a spiritualist and psychic. What I learned is that white people don’t always do that! But! Expect you to provide it. They walk around with is hard energy and take, take, take. I truly believe the mentality they posses is a cancer to this planet. This statement even ones for those who think like them. It’s tiring and annoying at this point in life. And I’m only in my mid 20’s This planet really needs a reshaping. A restart.

I just wanted to go to work. I’m tired. And this is how I fight this fight called the human experience. But! I don't wanna do this anymore. I’d rather live in the woods with the tree spirits and animals where I know at least there intentions are true. Where if there’s a real fight it’s because of survival. True grit! Not a created problem and blame the person who’s living in it,the issue.

Pike recently has become obsessed with the nebula light in our livingroom.