"She's Going To Sit Alone. Right At That Same Table Where She Built It All. Her Happiness, Her Courage,

"She's going to sit alone. Right at that same table where she built it all. Her happiness, her courage, her perseverance, but most importantly, where she met all of her friends. Now it's all crumbling down to her fingertips. She closes her eyes and tries to dream herself away into a reality where all of that still exsists, but she can't. It's all blank without the real thing... Without the real them. Complete nothingness. She can't even remember their voices. Everything is fading away from her. And everytime, she blames herself for something that she couldn't control. They've all left now; her friends. The girl lifts her head and stares at them. They're all happy. They all prance around, discussing random topics she used to talk about with them all of the time. She even sees her crush holding hands with her best friend. They don't even notice her. All of them go sit at their new table, completely forgetting about what once was. She weakly smiled as tears fell down her cheeks. Her heart ached for them. For someone. But she had no one. She put her head back down and waited for an escape. She pulled her sketchbook and poetry journal closer to her. They may only be objects, but they are all she has now. She pours her heart out crying. She couldn't hold it in any longer. Her fears were reality, and she somehow had to stay strong in this. But how could she stay strong when she wasn't going to be remembered by any of them? Was it all pointless to make memories in the first place? She just wanted to disappear. She then heard whispers all around her. It sounded like her friends, but that couldn't be. She lifted her head up and rubbed her eyes. A boy with a pretend smile and a sympathetic gaze pulled me into a hug.

"You're going to be okay, we're all going to be okay. I promise."

She cried into his chest until they all gathered around her and tackled her into a group hug.

Her friends.

They were here.

"I'm sorry for the mess I've created," She shyly whispered, "haven't you forgotten me, yet? I would've."

"How could we forget about you?" A raven haired boy asked, "We've been right here the whole time."

- Dreaming of Wolves//Vent

(I just... Sobbed while writing this.)

Personality Quirks/Quirks in General I Have:

-Flinch at physical contact

-Can't navigate for the life of me, but once I have a path down, I will never not go that path

-Can't solve most school locks

-Always paranoid that someone is going to hurt me. Mostly stab or shoot me.

-Paranoid of people behind me, that's why I never turn my back on people. Literally.

-Can't eat in front of people because I'm messy, and another reason.

-Literally the most mess of a person you will ever meet.

-I use literally too much.

-I cry over everything. I know I'm over emotional.

-But some reason, can't show weakness in front of strangers/my parents.

-I have a very, very good long term and short term memory.

-I always have a weird way of thinking and cannot follow the way teachers teach me.

-Due to my number phobia, both clocks and math are hard for me to deal with.

-Seriously. I have no idea what goes on during math. I just pretend to know what I'm doing.

-And also, I have a schedule for sleeping due to the phobia of numbers.

-I need every friend of mine to give me a gift, preferably a plushie, once we get close because I need something that reminds me of them + bares their smell in case I lose that person.

-I am too much of a perfectionist and can't stand when things are out of order.

-If the house is messy/my room, I can't work, sleep, and I become restless.

-I have a MASSIVE fear of losing my friends/my friends being killed my enemies.

-That's why I'm overprotective of them.

-I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, and always get broken in the end.

-I either trust completely or not at all, there's no in between.

-I have two personalities, the way I see me, and the way my friends see me. Both are very accurate to who I am.

-I constantly struggle with balance in my life.

-If you are my enemy, yoU'RE GOING DOWN. I will not let you hurt my friends. Ever. Fight me.

-I have an overwhelming fear of school shootings/mass shootings and always prepare myself for one.

-I watch scary documentaries and then go to sleep and have nightmares.

-I count nightmares as just dreams.

-I remember all of my dreams. I frequently lucid dream, but just see what happens instead of controlling myself.

-I seem chill, but I'm super uptight.

-I am drawn to people that have the "bad boy" look.

-I read too many X Readers because I need to feel loved.

-I love people watching.

-When I have a crush, I'll stalk them online.

-Animals always consider me their mate for some reason??

An open letter to future me:

Alright. Here we go. I'm a bit nervous to write this, because if I know myself right now, you are just waiting to read this and cringe at it. I'm sorry. I hope you aren't mad at me.

First of all, self, I know right now I have absolutely no hope and no self esteem for any bright future, but I have a feeling, a singular feeling, that you're going to go far. Maybe not me, but you. I hope you remember me, though. It's okay if you leave me behind. Change is necessary, but don't forget what was once here. Never let me fade away from your mind. Let me strengthen you. And let me remind you to heal and comfort the shattered child inside of you. She needs you. Her fight with her demons is slowly failing. She needs you to protect you. I need you to protect me. I need you to protect yourself. Draw your sword, your bow, and call upon your heart and please - come save us.

Save yourself. But save everyone else too. Save everyone you can. You might not be able to save everyone, and that's okay, but you tried. You tried. You tried so hard. I know. And it's okay. Breathe. It's okay. You tried.

Saving other people has been such a big fear and big strength of yours. I think you knew that you'd never be able to save yourself, so you tried to save everyone else, and when you couldn't, you blamed yourself. You must try to save yourself before you can try to save anyone. Trust me. You are still worth saving. You still can be saved. I promise.

This war within yourself, it has yet to be completed. There has to be a white flag somewhere, right? There has to be peace somewhere. Every war has an ending. Don't give up. The war will be over soon. I give my heart and hope to you. I give you my swords, but I hope you find a way to put your demons to rest without violence. Your demons will transform into something more beautiful. You only have to learn how to heal them too, as you are healing yourself. Your scars may stay the way they came, but they are not a reminder of your present or future. They will heal emotionally, not physically. They are your reminder that you are a warrior; a fighter. You can get through this. You got through that, this is no different. You are not your scars. You are not your past. You can do anything you dream of. Pull yourself together, kiddo. Paint a smile, a true one. You got this.

Your friends? They are your everything. But - you are my everything too. The love you show everyone else? I equally feel that for you and more. I love you. So, so much. I am so proud of you. You deserve every great thing in this world. You may be a mess, but your my mess, and I promise you, this mess is a painting. Some just need to look closer. Don't you dare care what anyone else thinks about you. You are a pretty awesome person. A pretty darn great one. You are trying to be a better person everyday, and that is what counts. You try to be better - you try to change for the better everyday. I love you for that. You may not be perfect, and that is okay. I'm not going to tell you to stop reaching for perfection, but don't be hard on yourself. You are getting better everyday. I am so proud of you. I'm proud. I'm proud. I'm proud. Screw the others who never told you that. Screw the others who never loved you. Screw them. I love you. And I frickin care about you. So much. I miss you, too. In every way.

You are worth it. You are loved. You are so much more than you think you are. You are so strong. And to those who said you could never, prove them wrong. Prove them all wrong. I promise you, you will do everything you want. You have time to become the person you want to be. You have time. Change is scary, believe me, we used to fear it, but change is so good and so necessary. Embrace it. Embrace this world everytime you get. Embrace my words. When no one else loves you, I'll be here. I'll always love you, because I know deep down, even if you hate me, I know you still love me. That's why we're alive. We're giving each other chances. That's what is important. This life is worth living. This game is worth playing. Remember me. Remember this letter. Remember my words. They will stick.

Your friends are so important to you, but I want you to know that everything you have said to them, I say back to you. Look in the mirror and smile, my friend. Please. Do it for me. Because whoever looks back at you is enough. Look down at your hands. You are enough. Through every broken crack, you are enough. Let the light overtake you. Let the happiness seep in a illuminate your whole. I give you what is mine, take my heart, my soul, carefully heal yourself with your needle. Stitch yourself back together. Unfold your wings. It's time to soar. And it's time to let go.

Take care of our friends for me, okay? Tell them I love them. And I miss them. Tell them those words everyday. Spend time with them. Forgive people who wrong you and defend what you believe is right. Regret nothing. Absolutely nothing. Live your life the way you want to, not the way they pressure you to.

I hope you've gotten out of your bad situation. I hope you don't turn back. I hope you've gotten into that one relationship you were dying for. I hope you love that person with your whole heart. I hope they are your soulmate. I hope that they give you the love that you deserve. I hope you heal everyone you come in contact with. I hope you give them everything you hav, but leave love for yourself. I hope you talk about your problems and start a much needed conversation. I hope you meet those artist and poet people that you've been dying to have conversations with. I hope you have deep conversations at midnight. I hope your friends come and visit you. I hope you can have those really cool sleepovers at your own house. I hope you get your dream house. I hope you become everything you want to be.

I hope you make so many memories that you are overfilled with joy.

I hope you give yourself everything you deserve.

To all of the heartbreaks and to all of the scars we still have. To past me, present me, and future me, and to the friends who have shaped us,

Future self, you are doing great. I love you.

- Past me

Fun Facts About Me (Part Two):

- I fall for the shy and quiet nerds >:D watch out

- I also fall for the funny extroverts

- My favorite Pokémon is Ninetales

- I once ate a dandelion

- I once jumped down a whole flight of stairs

- Scaring me is incredibly easy if I trust you

- If I don't, I already expect it so beWARE

- Animals are drawn to me for some reason?

- I'm bad at convos

- I say 'y'all' when referencing people at my school

- I will say "I hate you" to your face if I mean it

- I have no regrets

- My family is actually super poor

- My house is always a mess except my room

- I am the only introvert surronded by extroverts in my family.

I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT

To prove something to a friend, please

REBLOG IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

LIKE IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS DON’T BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

I never really got a childhood. Sure, I had a beginning, but a troubled one. I became an escapist from day one, always flying to my imaginary world instead of the real one. I didn't like reality, and frankly, I still don't because of the people inside them. I had to grow up too fast. They pushed me into the blinding reality, and I got hurt. They laughed when I fell in my hole, and they never helped me get back out. I never forgave them for that. Now, as I look back, my beginning was stolen, my middle was me realizing it, and what will my end be? All I want is a happily ever after, something of fairy tales. I want to be the girl raised by wolves, or protected by the forest creatures. I want to find someone who makes me feel so loved I won't even have to doubt it anymore. I need something to prove me wrong that my end won't be as tragic as how it all was written in the start. It's time I pick up the pencil. It's time I start rewriting my life.

- Dreaming of Wolves// Short Stories