An Abuser Tries To Keep Everybodyhis Partner, His Therapist, His Friends And Relativesfocused On How

“An abuser tries to keep everybody—his partner, his therapist, his friends and relatives—focused on how he feels, so that they won’t focus on how he thinks, perhaps because on some level he is aware that if you grasp the true nature of his problem, you will begin to escape his domination.”

— Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

I hope you can find a way to continue your healing - you deserve nothing less, and everything more. I hope you remember your bravery 🌿

You sent  this at just the right time.  Thanks for the support; I needed it  :)

He's persistent.

This is just what he's been taught will win me back.

You want real world examples of shitty cishet male behaviour being reinforced by societal standards? I'm living that goddam nightmare.

I have no idea why taking steps to heal has to be so damn hard.

I have my group therapy intake tonight. I’m feeling sick.

On Tuesday I had an intake appointment for group therapy at my local women’s shelter.  I had a Personal Danger and Risk Assessment done. The score scale  is out of 30 and a score of 19 or higher categorized you as “In Extreme Danger/At Extremely High Risk”.

I scored a 27.

He’s calling again.

My trainer, who I should probably just refer to as my friend, asked me during our last session what it would take for me to get police involvement.

She made me set a boundary.  So here it is, and you can all call me on it:

If he shows up somewhere I’m at again and I have even a hint that it’s anything other than a wild coincidence, I’ll be pursuing a restraining order through the family court system.

It’ll be 16 weeks no contact on Wednesday.