Four Years Ago Today He Kicked Me Out. That Was Certainly Not The End Of My Torture, But It Marked The

Four years ago today he kicked me out. That was certainly not the end of my torture, but it marked the beginning of my escape.

I don't know if I would have ever taken the leap and left him on my own. I would like to think that I would have, but I believe I had resigned myself to being invisible forever.

I owe him nothing, but I'm grateful for this date as it helped me begin the rest of my life.

This is a busy time of year for me and I'm getting overwhelmed. That means there's a melt down on the horizon.

See you all soon.

Find you a partner who, knowing you love them, will make oatmeal peanut butter cookies despite hating both peanut butter and oatmeal themselves.

Hi brain, you obstinate fucker. I drank the clear splashy stuff. I ate the green things. I went under that bright fucker up there. I did the thing with the moving and sweating and whatnot. Now make the happy chemical, you lump of fuck.

This is the reminder card for my follow up appointment after my abortion. I've kept it since receiving it in the last few days of 2016. My woman asked why I've kept so many things that hurt and remind me of terrible times.

These scraps corroborate my story. If I don't keep them, the terrible things that have happened to me just become a figment of my imagination; another false excuse as to why I'm not a better adjusted Adult.

Furthermore, and probably the darker side of my trauma response, I've felt I deserve the misery these memories stir up. Comfort is not something I'm entitled to given my sins and finding reminders of that is part of how I can atone. Real pain is penance after all.

I told her. She said all of the right things. The kind, supportive words we all allow to bounce off of us; so unlike the things he would have said, which I would have allowed to soak into my core.

But I will try a little harder, and today I shredded this damn thing.

I watched something that pulled on my heart strings too hard earlier today and I can feel myself sinking into a hole. So I'm attempting to cheer myself up by telling my lady as many dad jokes as I can get my hands on. Her groans from the other room are breathing life back into me.

Got any good ones?