She's Upstairs Baking While I'm In The Basement Wrapping Presents. I Keep Laughing As I'm Scrambling

She's upstairs baking while I'm in the basement wrapping presents. I keep laughing as I'm scrambling to hide her gifts every time she comes down to make me do 'quality control."

Four years ago I couldn't even imagine a life this peaceful.

Every fall my mental health dissolves. You can set your watch by it.

I have left a load of clothes in the washer for some days. I didn't forget, I'm just struggling with laundry head wise right now as I'm trying to sort and get rid of things.

If I were in the same situation while with him, he would scream and berrate me, which would put me back into action and the laundry would be in the dryer and hung.

I can tell that I have not yet completed the healing process, because I asked myself if maybe that's what I need.

Work is stressful right now. Most people self soothe and do things that help them destress - take walks, bubble baths, naps.

Me? I reread this blog. The worst bits. The parts that still make me feel nauseous. Perfect time to double down on all those bad feelings.

Hello self-loathing, hello black hole of misery. Sorry, it's been a while.

Not all self harm involves knives or bruising.

Coming up on 3 years this month. Can confirm: best thing he ever did for me.

He cut me off a year ago today.

Best thing he probably ever did for me.