More On My Lab Rat Au:

more on my lab rat au:

so geralt was the first success for his specific testing ability. and that was to be a bio-weapon. he's mutated, he was forced into experiments without consent, and all geralt knows is that he hurts and that he can't feel and that his brothers and father figure is right outside this isolated room that he cannot escape from.

geralt uses swords and magick just like the other witchers, but geralt is... better for lack of better words. he's stronger and he has more energy, and he's the Best out of all of them.

which is why the creator sent him into further testing, pumping him with even more chemicals and making him suffer every damn day. soon, his hair turns snowy white and scars remain permanent on his face and chest. his teeth become sharper and more inhumane.

so they have to put a... mask - a muzzle of sorts (think of those techy masks that cover basically half of your face including your nose) since he began to lash out and become more wolf-like.

they tried to take it off of him to let him breathe, but two caretakers suffered immensely from burns and deep cuts. they didn't survive. so geralt has to wear that mask permanently, only having it open for him to eat.

once a month.

they starve him, never having him eat too much, never letting him get strong enough to break his encloser.

lambert, eskel, and vesemir all try to talk to him, but it's no use since the walls are too thick. it soon becomes common to hear the wails and howls of the wolves because of their lost brother.

geralt and lambert were very close, like an older brother with a younger one. they stuck close, comforted each other when there were night terrors, etc. eskel was geralt's best friend and brother as well. vesemir was a father figure and always took care of his pups.

they were all angry when geralt got taken, but lambert was fucking furious.

because how dare they take away his best friend? his brother? his family?

they had to muzzle lambert for a while as well.

then jaskier comes along, one of the best scientists around yet a dorky one filled with personality. most hated him. the creator found him intriguing. so he let him roam.

this man loves music (something uncommon in the apocalyptic world) and plays it whenever he can. he plays an old instrument, a lute, and he sings constantly. even when he's working.

the other scientists despise it, but they don't bring it up since he's, well, the best.

then, jaskier meets vesemir, lambert, and eskel. they immediately see something different in this adult man, something brighter. a light in the darkness, if you must. eskel asks questions, vesemir comments and tells him stories, lambert watches and stays quiet.

he had another outburst. the muzzle is back on, restricting his speaking ability but not restricting his breathing or snarling.

but he doesn't snarl as jaskier's eyes widen in horror, and he doesn't back up when his hands hesitantly come up. he doesn't trust him, but there's something different about him.

the mask clicks off.

silence as it drops.

then

"thank you"

and jaskier gives him a sympathetic smile, weaves his hand through his hair and lets his head drop against lambert's.

soon after, jaskier discovers the room where they keep geralt. he discovers how he's the only other person who can open it without permission. he discovers the wolfish man curled up in a corner, whimpering at the sound of his approach before jumping up with a snarl behind that mask.

the snarl falls when geralt sees jaskier.

they stare.

one thought flits through their minds

who are you

Modern AU where Geralt is ex FBI and runs a true crime podcast with his overly exuberant and terribly dark humored husband Jaskier with expert guest forensic pathologist Yennefer and the occasional appearance from his brother Eskel who is 100% a believer in aliens and government cover ups.

They once recorded the conversations at Thanksgiving dinner and just posted it unedited.

Fans want to hear more from Vessimir, but only on the topic of how pretentious Geralt was as a child.

No one knew Jask and Geralt were married til season 5 when Jask says 'babe' (which is common bc he's just constantly over affectionate) and Geralt responds with 'darling' and the fans go buck wild.

They post a little 5 minute montage of wedding photos/clips in response to all the questions with the caption "no shit Sherlock?" Bc Geralt thought it was obvious.

They actually end up solving a cold case one time and Lambert is SO annoyed with the attention they're getting and the smug looks Jaskier gives him.

Meet and greets get wild. All the booze. They go WAY over time on any and all panels bc they're just so into it and Geralt wants to hear all the theories regardless of how stupid they are bc "its important in any investigation to think outside the box"

Geralt throwing Jask over his shoulder when he gets too excited (and angry) over a suspect in that one cold case he cannot stop thinking about.

Valdo runs a podcast himself that started true crime but morphed into roasting Jask and trying to prove their theories wrong. He doesn't upload for three months when they solved the cold case.

Geralt has a rant at least once every couple episodes on proper crime scene and evidence collecting procedure. He's sick of these lazy deputie's and officer's shit.

Jaskier cries often. Our boy is empathetic af and fans start sending kleenexes to the studio they record in. Pretty soon they have to tell people to stop bc there's just too many. They donate them to shelters and preschools.

They are asked for merch so they do tshirts and tank tops with images of blue latex gloves, evidence bags, and long tweezers with the text "don't be fucking lazy" and there's a couple different versions with names of shitty coroners (Fami Malik anyone?) or cops that threw entire cases by fucking up the chain of evidence.

Guys I could go on forever.

I saw this post this morning and I can’t stop thinking about it so I do hope you don’t mind me adding to this.

Okay, let’s start with Triss, because yes. Her obliterating threats like that with plants and trees is fucking awesome to think about (sorry not sorry but hot too). Not only can she do that but maybe if her anger is starting to really show and simmer into a boil, the plants around her start to grow rapidly. Not too fast, but it’s pretty noticeable. Let’s say her and yen are sparking up conversation with some young mages, who are just a load of pricks. Triss, being ticked off by something they do/say, starts to quiet down and a mean frown makes home on her face, but also the plants around them start to grow, and Yen being mindful and not really paying attention to the youth, decides that maybe it’s time for these ass bags to get the hell out of there before Triss does something about it. It’s just lovely to think of Triss getting mad and she’s standing in a field or a brick road with weeds and plants growing in between and they just grow slowly as her magic is slowly overtaken by anger.

Eskel, my sweet man, is probably one hell of a fighter. Sure I love to think of him as smart and well thought out, but when I say “one hell of a fighter” I mean he just doesn’t really think and starts acting without the thought process. He’s very in the moment with his anger. If this man is pissed off, he’s probably grab the thing closes to him and wham the shit out of whatever is pissing him off. Chair? Yep. Scorpions saddle? Most likely. You name it, he probably used it to knock a man out. A bonus is since I like to think that him and Jaskier are cool and close friends do to the love of poetry, I wouldn’t doubt he once or twice grabbed the bards lute to beat a man. I think that shows how in the moment he is with his anger, don’t think just get rid of the problem. Another side note is maybe he doesn’t get to angry easily and really feeds off other people’s annoyance and anger? Some clown going off in the square and people hate it? Eskel to the rescue, let him just grab something real close.

For Vesemir, I think this man (being the oldest Witcher left) would be fucking dangerous if he was angered. It would be very hard for someone or something to get onto his nerves, let alone made him feel angry towards it. He’s got a lot of years under his belt, he’s made peace with himself, and I think that’s scary about him. Unlike Eskel who’s in the moment, Lambert and Geralt always being in the mood to fight, Vesemir is a calm man who’s already planned out how to take you out the moment he sees you. He does not loose character, and he’ll tell you how you’ve made him angry, tell you how he’s going to take care of the problem. The boys haven’t seen him truly angry, but I feel they all have a secret promise to not fuck with Vesemir if he seems or smells the slightest of upset.

I see your feral Jaskiers, Geralt’s, Yennfers, and Lamberts (that’s just his personality...). And I completely support them.

But might I ask,

WHERE ARE MY FERAL TRISSES, ESKELS, AND VESEMIRS?!

I WANT TRISS TO KILL A MAN BY GROWING A FUCKING TREE INSIDE HIM UNTIL HE FUCKING B U R S T S!!! GIVE THIS GIRL A S WO R D. LET HER SWING IT AROUND AND FIGHT SOMEONE!!! CRUSH SOMEONES BONES INTO DUST!!!

I WANT MORE ALZUR’S LEGACY ESKEL FUCKING KILLING A MAN WITH A CHAIR!!! I WANT THIS MAN TO STOP BEING NICE AND GO FUCKING APE SHIT!!! BREAK SOMEONES ARM WITH JUST HIS GRIP. DESTROY SOME ASSHOLES FACE WITH HIS FISTS!!!

I WANT VESEMIR SNAPPING AND DESTROYING AN ENTIRE TROOP THATS AFTER HIS SON AND GRANDDAUGHTER!!! I WANT THIS MAN TO GO G O D MODE!!

I see your feral Jaskiers, Geralts, Yennfers, and Lamberts. And I love them. But now I raise you, “I am tired of being nice. I do just wanna go ape shit.” Squad, Triss, Eskel, and Vesemir.

It’s called fashion, look it up. 

Here’s some WIP’s of my role-reversal au!

Yennefer as a Witcher, Geralt as a bard and Jaskier as mage~

I definitely want to do more, so expect to see a lot more art of these fools

real talk: the reason geralt takes so long to invite jaskier to kaer morhen? he doesn’t want a witness to the stupid shit he and his brothers get up to

namely, the Witcher Winter Olympics

each winter, all good little witchers flock home to rest, relax, catch up, yadda yadda

but holed up in one place for months, when they’re used to traveling wherever the Path takes them?

they get bored

it happens easily and very quickly

and then they get stupid creative

and thus the Winter Games

each day, someone will propose a challenge or competition to be completed or won. anything is fair game, as long as it can be vaguely shoehorned into one of these categories: strength, endurance, agility/dexterity, mental acuity, and why not?

some past examples of events include:

strength - greased up arm wrestling; chicken fights; can i knock you out with one pillow hit; who can resist trying to pet this cute cat we found the longest (this one’s more emotional strength but it counts); horse deadlifting; how many boulders is too many boulders; how many tears can we put in this shirt by flexing hard enough; toss a witcher

endurance - who can slav squat the longest; playing strip gwent, outside, in the snow, in the middle of the coldest night of winter; who can eat the most spicy peppers; obligatory drinking contests; who can hang upside down like a bat the longest; most days staying awake; stop hitting yourself

agility/dexterity - steal stuff off of/put stuff on vesemir without him noticing; drunken obstacle course; who can fold laundry the fastest and neatest (a vesemir suggestion); who can sneak up and startle the bejeezus out of the others the most in a day; drunk hide and seek; the most delicate needlepoint; fastest potato peeler; the floor is lava

mental acuity - limerick writing contest; who can craft the pun that induces the most rage; arts and crafts; psychological warfare; stupid debate club; name 5 things you like about yourself (another vesemir suggestion); jeopardy game night (topics include: which witcher?, potion making for dummies, did you even read the bestiary?, swords and scab”bards”, pop culture, etc); chopped-style cooking competition; best prank

why not? - truth or dare; diving competition in a lake of drowners; most creative bong; who can stay on this wyvern we stumbled across the longest; crazy hairstyle competition; can only speak in questions the entire day; which things mixed together will make the biggest explosion; how many of these weird berries can we eat before we die; shadow puppet theatre; trust falls at the most inopportune times; weirdest hookup story

yes, there are opening/closing ceremonies

yes, medals are awarded at the end of the season

yes, vesemir is the judge and only he knows the complicated points algorithm

(yes, he actually just gives out random points, which can be influenced by how much you have annoyed/bribed him that day)

just the boys being boys