I Had Dinner With My Father Right There, Across From Him. Later, When I Was In My Room, He Called Me

I had dinner with my father right there, across from him. Later, when I was in my room, he called me and was like, 'Why aren't you having dinner?' I mean, am I invisible? I guess I am like I used to wonder before, but now I'm pretty convinced yayay

Being the eldest daughter is like them putting a lid on the love shower you soaked up when you were a little kid, all so you don't end up this big-time spoiled brat. Instead, you're supposed to grow up all responsible and mature (which earns you those "you're mature for your age," "you're an old soul" comments). So, you end up being the person everyone turns to when things need straightening, even if you have to push your feelings aside. Eldest daughters become experts at sacrificing, so when they actually let go of things they care about, it throws everyone off. They pretty much become the third parent for their siblings, and sometimes they're even parenting their own parents. And here's the twist – you can't really vent about stuff because you're the oldest daughter. Making compromises becomes your middle name. All of this adds up to bottling up feelings and not really letting your parents in on much. But, when the whole act slips and you finally show how you truly feel, parents come back with, "Why are you so down? You've got a roof over your head, everything you need – some kids don't even have that." So, you end up feeling guilty about opening up. They do care, seriously, but it's mostly about your physical well-being. They're always bugging you about drinking water and eating on time. And their logic? "Who's gonna be stuck next to you in the hospital if you get sick? I've got a ton of important stuff to deal with, you know!" So, you dodge emotions. Then you get blamed and yelled at because your younger sibling gives your parent attitude and somehow it's your fault because you're the oldest daughter. You're taught that oldest daughters have to be soft, kind, and gentle, even when someone's wrong, even when the other person is acting like a jerk – you're told not to lose your cool. How does it start? You know, from simple things like "don't be like that, share your stuff with your siblings," "you're a bad kid for scolding your sibling because they wrecked your project, come on, they're just naive, you can do it again, right?" "You're a grown-up, stop whining about that." So, giving up on things becomes a casual thing, and then your whole life you're seeing yourself giving up on people, hobbies, everything, and you let other people take your stuff without a complaint or a single tear because that's selfish and oldest daughters aren't supposed to be like that.

I heard someone say, "Naps don't help when your soul is tired", and this couldn't be more real

the urge to look at the moon and ask her "do you think, I am good enough?" the urge to let out all the secrets to her that I haven't even told myself out loud

today there was this 'girls talk' assembly in my school and it's about menstruation awareness but the thing was only girls were told to attend this assembly because apparently, only girls should be aware of it and the irony is they were telling us how we shouldn't be hesitant about it, especially in front of the boys and boys were not welcomed there. Like???????

cupid is shooting its shot and I am constantly dodging it bc my attachment and abandonment issues said, "no thank you, we have got enough problems"