it's my drama. appreciate my flaws & learn from my mistakes. it's okay to cry your heart out but don't forget that there's always a second chance. be strong but don't forget to be yourself. you can be wild and carefree but don't forget to be serious at times. oh remember to laugh too! life is amazing and unfair at the same time... deal with it even if it's not the reality that you wanted!
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Day18 Of This Battle: Talking Abt It Only Breaks My Heart.
Day18 of this battle: talking abt it only breaks my heart.
I started talking abt what i feel abt the situation right now and still, it breaks my heart. I try not to let any tears fall coz i dont want them to see how bad & weak i am feeling right now. I am still in the state of shock and just as what my kuya said earlier... my emotions are still high. It's true. I am still in the verge of tears whenever i am alone, i am thinking, or whenever i am not doing anything. And as much as i want to focus on what is happening at tge moment, i can't help but missed out something. It feels like i am not myself. It's crazy coz my attention just shuts off and i keep zoning out. And before i went to bed, i learned that Umpe is nanghihina daw. Nagsuka sya. Ang sakit malaman na wala akong magawa for her. Tawa ako ng tawa kanina, smile ng smile, salita ng salita nung nasa school and after school. Pero ang Umpe ko masama na pala ang lasa. Ang sakit kasi hindi ko alam kung anu na tlga ang nangyayari. Everytime na i try to get on track, some unwanted stuff comes up. All i am asking lang naman is for Umpe to get better and be healthy again. I know i am asking for too much. But i swear, she doesnt deserve this illness. She deserves to live longer and happier. Please God, wag nio pa hayaang manghina ang Umpe. Tulungan nio po sya. Make her stronger and healthier. Please be with her. Please send the Holy Spirit and some angels next to her para po hindi sya mahirapan. Please make her better. Please dear God. Umpe, be strong! I love you and I will continue praying for you. Kukulitin ko si God na pagalingin ka nya. I love you Umpe ko, always and forever.
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minsan sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na strong akong tao at malalampasan ko ito. kaya lang minsan di na umeepekto eh. ganun ata talaga.
walang taong strong pag dating sa taong pinakakamahal mo lalo na kung siya ang mundo mo and he/she means everything to you.
Day 14 of this battle: i wish i am there by your side and let you know that i am back and i will stay with you until we overcome this battle. Be strong! My first day of spring semester. i don't know if i can describe it as a beautiful morning for me after reading some bad news... It sucks that i have to smile and laugh yhroug out the day when i know she is suffering from her pains. Why am i always selfish? Why can't i be sensitive? Before i go to bed every night since i learned her condition, i would always pray to God and ask him to give me her pains & make her health improve. Until now, I blame myself for what she's experiencing now. It is all my fault. I became too self-centered, unapppreciative, and insensitive. I lived my life running hurriedly to the future but i also forgot the most special person in my life who loves me the most. I regret it. I really do. And if i can turn back the time, i would definitely work harder for her. She means the world to me and i am sorry that i can't do anything for her. I love her so dearly but we all know that this thing i call 'love' is useless in times like this. I know things are getting serious each day. As much as i want to deny this, but i already had times where i want to give up everything just because i have no chance left. I am just wasting my time instead of doing something for her. I kept on blaming myself and everyone else. I kept whining. I can't even make proper decisions or think straight. I can only cry to myself coz no one can understand how i am hurting right now. I dont even have someone to talk to and share my thoughts on what is happening right now. It is not yet there but i already feel so ALONE. If i can only give up my life for her just to lengthen her life, i definitely will do it. I already hate waking up every morning for i don't know anymore the reason why i am still here. Can i just be by her side coz i really want to make her feel that i am back? Though i never forgot everything about her, i want her to feel that i am back again and we are together til the end just like how we pictured ourselves when i was young. I want to hug her and kiss her and tell her that i love her so much. I want to thank her and care for her just like how she did for me before. I want to tell her that we are together in this battle and i will stay with her until we overcome this. I want all of this to be possible but how?? I don't even have the chance from the start. I lack of everything. I am useless. I want to make more beautiful memories with her. I still want to watch the sun rise with her, enjoy the beauty of the world with her and simply be by her side... All i want is another chance to be with her and make her happy coz she deserves to be happy.
Day31 of this battle: Mom is flying!
It has been almost a month now. I have no news about Umpe for a week now. I believe I chose not to ask too because I was afraid to know what is really going on. I busied myself with my homework and helping mom packed her things. I guess it was a breather for me too. But now i feel guilty. I wanna call and ask how she's doing. I wanna hear that she's doing a lot better now though i know it is not like that... Good thing my mom is on her way to Batangas now. This gives me a sigh of relief and makes me worry less for Umpe's condition. I know mommy's gonna do everything for her. I believe my mommy. I bet she's currently up in the clouds somewhere above the Pacific Ocean... I can't help but to get excited for her. She's finally going to see everyone after four long years. She will finally get to hug UMPE!!! I wonder if mommy's as excited as I am... How i wish i was next to her so i can hold her hand and tell her to be strong and it will be okay. I know this trip will cause a lot of tears and hurtful memories not only to mommy but also to UMPE. I believe mommy is going to break the news to her so she can get the surgery to remove the big lump on her colon. I wish UMPE will be okay and will allow mommy to help her through this battle. I hope she'll decide to fight and win over this. I am just giving it all up to GOD and praying He will stay by their side all the time, provide them the strength they'll be needing and a miracle for UMPE to stay healthy and happy again. Mommy, please make Umpe happy when you get there. Pleasw hug her for me to let her know how much i love her and i miss her. Please give Umpe a great memory she deserves. Lastly, please take good care of her while you are there... I love you both! *kisses*
It hurts so much to know that I can't do anything for you...
I wish there's someone who can comfort me right now and tell me that this is not really happening. It breaks my heart to know that we are going through this hard times and the only thing i do is cry about it.