Sparks Fly

Sparks Fly

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Prompt - ‘I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.’

Warnings / This fic contains smut - you can skip it if you want, you won’t miss anything!💜

Notes - Happy Speak Now month! Request a fic for any of the remaining Speak Now tracks, click my masterlist to see which songs are left!!💜

The problem with Matt Murdock was that you had known from the moment you had met him that he was a bad idea. At first he had been all pleasant smiles and soft words but once you had gotten to know him his words turned flirty and his smiles were charmingly attractive. You were glad for the fact he couldn’t see you, glad for the fact he could never witness you blush under his gaze, see as you shifted in your seat or watch the way your breath hitched when he stood too close.

Everything about Matt was a bad idea, falling for him was the worst one though. As much as that man loved flirting with you and everyone else in his general vicinity, you knew at the first sign of real feelings he would run and hide, ignoring it because he was so scared of something you didn’t understand.

You’d met Matt by chance, running into Foggy first after your boss rented out the office space opposite theirs and he invited you inside. The two of you were fast friends but meeting Matt, letting his hand wrap around yours as he introduced himself, feeling sparks between you, you had known then and there it was a bad idea to stick around Nelson and Murdock and yet after that first day you seemed to spend more time in their office than you did your own.

It went on for months, Matt oblivious to how you felt whilst you silently pined. You couldn’t count how many times you’d lost yourself in a daydream, your traitorous thoughts creating all sorts of impossible scenarios where Matt would just grab you, pull you close and kiss you until your lips were swollen and you struggled to breathe.

You knew Matt was a good person, even if he did have a reckless streak, one you’d bore witness to yourself and heard about in length from Foggy. You knew that he would never date somebody seriously, preferring to sleep around rather than stay with one person, you knew you should let go of your crush for him but it was impossible.

Some days you were convinced Matt knew how you felt. When the three of you went to a bar together after work and he sat a little too close to you, his knees brushing against yours and your arms rested against each other. You knew he couldn’t see the way you glanced at the way he sat so close, knew he couldn’t see your smile as you resisted the urge to shift close and yet you always caught a smirk on his face aimed in your direction, some flirty comment following it.

It didn’t matter because you knew for Matt it wasn’t nothing but a fun little game to flirt the night away with you. It didn’t matter how much you told yourself it was just a crush when you knew your feelings went beyond that because nothing would come from them.

“Let me walk you home.” Matt insisted like he did after every night spent at the bar. It had been over a year since you’d met him and he had never once failed to make sure you got home safe, despite your insistence that you’d be fine.

“You don’t have to.” You told him, a scripted response that Matt had come to expect in the time he’d known you and you didn’t need to see him without the red tinted glasses to see he was rolling his eyes behind them.

“I’m gonna walk you home.” He grinned at you causing you to laugh as he headed off in the direction of your apartment, you following him straight away.

Matt walked by your side, close enough that if you were brave enough you’d be able to reach out and brush your hand against his, thread your fingers together and feel his hand against yours. He was close enough that if you turned to face him and leaned up you could press your lips to his.

He was close enough to touch and yet the distance between you seemed wider than ever.

“Everything ok?” Matt asked softly, startling you out of your thoughts and you prayed that he hadn’t somehow been able to tell what you had been thinking about.

“Sorry, lost in my own head.” You chucked, hoping he’d let you brush it off and change the subject but Matt was never one for letting the people he cared about suffer, always wanting to do something to make it better.

“Seems to happen a lot.” Matt stated and you tensed slightly, Matt noticing straight away but he didn’t let it show. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

Did you know that? Sure, of course you did, you could talk to Matt about anything, anything except for the fact you were in love with him, anything expect for the fact that all you could think about was him kissing you right now on the sidewalk, how you wanted nothing more than for him to tell you that he felt the same way.

“I know.” You smiled, letting all the things you most desperately wanted to say go unsaid. “But there’s nothing to talk about.”

Matt clearly didn’t buy it if the frown on his face was anything to go by and as much as you hated putting it there, as much as you hated lying to him you knew it was easier this way. Losing Matt would hurt infinitely more than silently wishing for him.

Matt knew what was eating you up, he knew that you were as desperate for him as he was for you. If it had been anyone else, if he had met you years ago he wouldn’t have hesitated to cup your cheek and drag you in for a kiss, he wouldn’t have given a second thought to taking you to bed, he wouldn’t have wasted any time in making you his.

But it wasn’t years before, it was now and now he had Daredevil in his life. He couldn’t risk another person getting hurt because of him, he was already risking more than he’d like with Foggy knowing but you…he couldn’t risk anything happening to you because of him.

And yet he wanted you. He wanted you so bad. Hearing your heart rate speed up when he brushed his hand against yours, feeling the heat spread to your cheeks when he made a suggestive comment, hearing the way your breathing hitched when he wrapped his arm through yours, knowing you wanted him was driving him crazy.

He felt like a man starved when it came to you, barely holding back from his desires to just give in and kiss you, to feel how good you felt for him, he wanted you. He knew he had feelings for you and all he wanted to do was act on them.

The rain started to fall when you were five blocks from your apartment and began to pour down by the time you were two blocks away. Matt’s hand found yours and you felt the same familiar sparks you always seemed to feel whenever he touched you shoot through your hand.

Matt took off in a run and you had no choice but to follow after him, the two of you laughing and gasping for breath by the time you stood under the small roof at the door of your apartment complex.

The rain had stuck Matt’s suit to him, his hair flat against his head as droplets fell down his cheek and nose. You wanted to reach out and brush his face, wanted to follow the path of the rain drops and trail kisses all the way down to his lips.

Matt could hear the way your heart had sped up even more, having nothing to do with the rain and everything to do with whatever thoughts were running through your head. He wanted to know what you were thinking, wanted to give you whatever you wanted, he was torn, so close to throwing everything out the window and giving in.

The two of you went silent as you turned to each other, your eyes drawn to Matt’s lips and you watched as he ducked his head, watched as he went to lean in before you closed your eyes.

“I should go.” Matt breathed out and you bit back a huff of disappointment, letting your eyes open to look at his sad smile.

“Okay.” You murmured, debating on whether you should be the one to take the risk and close the distance between you, suddenly so sure that Matt wanted you, but you weren’t brave enough.

You knew you’d spend the rest of your life regretting that.

You didn’t want to spend the rest of your life regretting it though, even if Matt couldn’t give you what you wanted you knew he wanted at least one night with you and you’d do anything for it, anything to feel how electric Matt’s kisses were, anything to feel how good his hands running along your body could feel, anything to run your fingers through his hair to pull him into a kiss.

You watched as Matt stepped out into the rain, watched him walk to the end of your street before freezing. You decided you were going to be brave, didn’t let your mind become overwhelmed with all the reasons this was a bad idea and instead followed him out in the rain, feeling a shiver run down your spine and not knowing whether it was from anticipation or the cold.

Matt seemed to have the same idea, turning around on his heel and meeting you halfway, cupping your face in his hands and practically smashing your lips together in a rushed and messy kiss, your noses knocking against each other as your hands gripped his wet suit.

The kiss was everything you had thought it was going to be, if you thought Matt brushing against your hand was enough to send a rush of electricity through you then it wasn’t nothing compared to the sparks flying as he kissed you.

The two of you stayed out in the rain kissing until you had to pull away for air, both of you drenched through but not even noticing as Matt rested his forehead against yours, the two of you breathing heavily against each other.

Matt gave you a second longer to catch your breath before his lips were on yours again, this time his hands found your hips and he nudged you until you were walking backwards towards your apartment, Matt managing to pull himself away so you could open the door before he attached himself to you again, the two of you somehow managing to get up the stairs without breaking apart.

Matt slammed your back into the door, pulling away from your lips to nip at your neck, trailing kisses and pausing to suck bruises into the skin causing you to muffle soft moans as you tried several times to open your apartment door.

Once you were inside Matt wasted no time moving you both to the bedroom, by the time the two of you got there you had both been stripped off your wet clothes and left only in your underwear. Matt sat down on the bed first and pulled you on top of him so that you were straddling him, feeling how hard he was for you.

You moaned as you ran your fingers through his hair, he wet locks tangling around your fingers and you tighten your grip to pull him into another rough kiss, Matt groaning into as you grinded against him, his hand moving towards your hips and dragging you closer, bucking up into you.

“Fuck Y/N, need you so bad.” Matt grunted into your neck when you finally pulled away from each other, his hands running up and down your body causing you to moan.

You shifted down Matt’s body, trailing kisses down his chest until you settled in between his legs, wasting no time in removing his boxers and moaning at the sight of his hard cock, already leaking with pre-cum.

Matt couldn’t stop himself from thrusting into your mouth when your lips wrapped around the head of his cock, forcing his dick half way into you before he restrained himself, listening as you choked and moaning loudly, his hands gripping your hair as you took a breath before you started sucking on his cock like you were made for it.

Matt felt himself hit the back of your throat, moaning even louder as he felt you relax and take him even further. You were making such a mess, he could feel your drool all over his cock, leaking from your mouth and down your chin, he could feel your gaze on him, knew your eyes would be bright and wide especially when he stilled you with the hand in your hair and took over, letting himself lose control as he thrusted himself deep into your mouth.

He had to force himself to pull out before he made an even bigger mess on your face, tempting as the thought was, he needed to be inside of you, needed to feel how good you felt on his cock.

Matt shifted you so that you were laying underneath him, as he settled in between your legs he dipped his head down to smash his lips against yours and feeling the mess you had made had him groaning into it before he pulled away.

You moaned loudly when you felt the head of Matt’s cock pushing at your entrance, spreading you open and stretching you wide. Your hand gripped the bedsheet as you felt him push deeper into you, already feeling fuller than you’d ever felt before he was fully inside you.

Matt kissed you again as he pushed his cock fully inside you, feeling the way you stretched perfectly around him, unable to stop the moans and grunts that escaped him. You were so tight on his cock, the little gasped breaths that left you as he stretched you out ran straight to his cock.

The way he could hear your heart hammering against your chest had him thrusting into you after giving you a minute to adjust to him and you were crying out in pleasure as he set a rough pace, slamming in and out of you like he couldn’t control himself, his fingers rubbing against your clit causing your toes to curl and back to arch as you fisted the sheets and moaned mindlessly.

Matt trailed kissed down to your neck, tasting sweat against your skin as your head fell to the side and he wasted no time in covering your skin in even more bruises, marking you as his whilst he slammed into you, whispering praises, telling you how good you felt, how perfect you were, how much he loved feeling you on his cock.

Eventually it was all too much for you and your hands found Matt’s shoulders, fingers digging into his skin as you felt yourself come apart, practically seeing sparks fly as you came on his cock whilst he continued thrusting into your sensitive pussy, his fingers still rubbing at your clit causing you to whimper and gasp.

Matt continued thrusting into you, feeling like he was in heaven when he felt you cumming all over his cock and lasted only a few moments longer before he stilled, burying his face in your neck and cumming inside you, giving a few lazy thrusts before he managed to pull himself out of you.

You felt a trail of cum leave your pussy, groaning at how empty you felt now that Matt had left you, the man laying on top of you and trailing lazy kisses along your chest, your hands moving up into his hair, running your fingers through it gently and smiling as he leaned into your touch.

“What is this?” You couldn’t help but ask after a while, keeping your voice soft so as not to disturb the peace between you.

Matt knew he couldn’t leave now, not now that he had had you. He wanted you to be with him, he wanted to be with you in every way possible. He’d do everything he could to protect you, to keep Daredevil and the trouble that seemed to follow the masked vigilante far away from you.

“I love you.” Matt confessed, smiling as he felt your heart stutter before speeding up. “I was scared but I love you, Y/N/N, I want you to be mine.”

“I’d like that.” You murmured, letting your lips press against his hair. “I love you too.”

You were ecstatic, for so long you had thought you would never know what it would be like to have Matt feel anything other than friendship for you and now he was here, in your bed, telling you he loved you. It was better than all your wildest dreams, holding Matt close and falling asleep in his arms, glad you had been brave enough and knowing you wouldn’t have to live the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you’d just kissed him in the pouring rain.

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Last Kiss

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Prompt - ‘But I never planned on you changing your mind.’

Notes - Happy Speak Now month! Request a fic for any of the remaining Speak Now tracks, click my masterlist to see which songs are left!!💜

You could safely say that falling in love with Peter Parker was the easiest thing you had ever done. Everything about him was easy to fall for. He had been your best friend for as long as you could remember, for so long it had been the two of you against the world. He had been there for all the good moments in your life and you had been there for his.

You’d known for years you were in love with him, long before either of you confessed it to each other. You had thought of telling him for a while but every time you’d thought you’d built the courage to do it you always backed out, not wanting to ruin your friendship.

It wasn’t until nearly two in the morning on some random night in fall when you heard a tapping on your window that things changed. You awoke with a groan, not having been asleep for long but exhausted from the day before.

At first you weren't sure what had woken you up, ready to just brush it off and let your eyes fall shut again. Just as you shifted in your bed, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself you heard more tapping and sat up with a frown.

It took a couple of moments for you to realise it was coming from your window and you felt a smile pull at your lips, wrapping the blanket around yourself because the room was cold. You climbed out of your bed and pulled your curtains back to see a masked Spider-Man grinning at you.

You were quick to push the window open, smile dropping as you took in the busted lip, bloody cheek and blackening eye. Peter didn’t seem all that fazed about it as he climbed in through the window, quickly catching a book he had knocked on his way in before it could make a noise and closed the window for you.

“Fun night?” You asked as you made your way to your desk, pulling out the med kit you kept handy ever since you’d found out that the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man happened to be your best friend.

“Yeah, it was great!” Peter grinned, causing you to wince as more blood leaked from his lips, Peter ignoring it as he relayed the events of his night, making himself comfortable on your bed.

As he spoke you gently got to work on cleaning the blood coming from the different spots on his face, knowing that his healing factor would take care of the rest and in just a few hours you wouldn’t even be able to tell that he had been hurt.

“Better?” You asked as you threw the bloody wipes onto your nightstand, along with the med kit, too tired to bother putting them away.

“Thank you.” Peter nodded, smiling softly at you before he pulled himself off the bed.

As he stripped out of the suit and opened your wardrobe for a pair of clothes you’d stolen from him months ago you fixed the blanket and settled back against the pillows, stealing a glance or two before he was dressed and climbing into bed with you.

The two of you had been sharing a bed since you were kids, back then it was fine, easy, he was just your best friend then but now, now it was different. It was harder to ignore your feelings when you were pulled against a warm chest, Peter’s arms wrapping around you, holding you close to him.

You were so stupidly in love with him that it hurt some days.

“Thank you for always patching me up.” He murmured into your hair and you smiled into his chest, smoothing your hand along his shirt.

“Somebody’s gotta watch out for Spider-Man whilst he’s saving the world.” You laughed, feeling the rumble of Peter’s chest as he chuckled.

The two of you were quiet for a while after that, your eyes had drifted back shut and you let yourself relax even more against Peter, selfishly savouring the way he felt wrapped around you, memorising the way his thumb automatically stroked soothingly up and down your hip, cherished the way you’d never felt quite as safe as you did in Peter’s arms.

“I love you.” Peter whispered into the dark, the words catching him by surprise.

He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He hoped you had fallen asleep, hoped you hadn’t heard his whispered confession and yet another part of him wished you were awake to hear it. He wanted you to know that you were the one for him, that he’d been in love with you for longer than he could remember.

You were silent for a moment, not daring to move as though it would break the spell and Peter would take the words back, play them off as a joke. It took you a few more seconds before you were able to force yourself to move.

You shifted out of Peter’s grip only far enough away so that you could look over at him with disbelief on your face. It wasn’t that you didn’t believe Peter couldn’t love you, it was just that you had never let yourself think he could love you the way you had loved him for so long.

“Y/N/N,” Peter started, torn between backtracking or just admitting it all over again, thankfully he was saved from having to decide when you smiled at him and reached out to cup his cheek, your thumb gently brushing over his already healing cut.

“I love you too.” You whispered back to him, watching as he froze for a second as if he wasn’t registering the words before a smile broke out and his whole face seemed to light up the dark room.

“Really?” He couldn’t help but ask and you laughed softly as you nodded, Peter leaned in and pressed your lips together, both of you smiling too much for it to be more of a brushing of your lips before Peter pulled you even closer and kissed you properly, the kiss soft and slow as he cupped your own cheek.

By the time the two of you were forced to pull away for air, you were dizzy and breathing heavily, Peter resting his forehead against yours and feeling just as intoxicatingly dizzy as you did.

Your first kiss with Peter turned into two then three until you couldn’t recall how many kisses were shared on that first night alone, neither of you able to stop until the pull of exhaustion forced you away from each other and you were able to fall asleep in his arms, not having to feel guilty for how much you enjoyed it anymore.

It went on for months, you and Peter shocking nobody when you announced that you were dating. Aunt May pulled you into a hug and told you she’d been waiting for you two to figure it out since you were six years old causing you both to laugh and share smiles.

Everything was perfect. The two of you were made for each other. You weren’t surprised that nothing much seemed to change between the two of you, Peter and you were still attached at the hip both during and after school, Peter still knocked on your window more nights than not to crawl into your bed after patrolling, the only difference now was that the two of you could be open with how you felt and that you could pull him down for a kiss whenever you wanted.

“You look gorgeous, love.” Peter said as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, resting his head on your shoulder as you looked at each other through the mirror.

Peter had never been shy with the compliments, even before you started dating he always seemed to want you to know how beautiful you were and yet somehow they never failed to make you blush.

“You don’t look so bad yourself, handsome.” You smirked, turning around in his hold to drape your arms around his shoulders, leaning in to press a kiss against his lips.

The two of you were finishing getting ready to head to Gwen’s, her parents were away for some business trips and since school had just ended it seemed like the perfect time for somebody to throw a party.

As you headed in you felt Peter’s hand resting against the small of your back. That was another thing about Peter, he seemed incapable of keeping his hands to himself around you, there was always some part of him attached to you.

You weren’t complaining of course, you loved that Peter wasn’t afraid to show you off, you loved the feeling of him close by. Peter had always felt like home, felt safe, you would never push him away.

Peter was like the life of the party whenever he walked into a room, he didn’t care who anyone was, he’d say hi to you if you were popular or not, he’d pour you a drink and hand you some snacks and draw you into a conversation if you looked left out.

It was truly a wonder how people hadn’t figured out he was Spider-Man, both of them cared so much for other people, always willing to take a hit before he’d let someone else take it, always looking out for others.

Peter headed off to get you both a drink and you found Gwen in the crowd, letting her pull you in for a hug before she immediately started talking to you. You laughed along with her, joining in with the group she was with and were only pulled away when Peter found you with two drinks in hand.

You smiled at him, continuing with what you were saying before you were cut off by Peter’s lips pressing against yours and you couldn’t help but laugh into it as the others around you cooed and giggled.

“I was talking.” You said once he pulled away, Peter grinning down at you as he passed you a drink.

“Sorry, you just look so beautiful tonight.” He told you, causing you to roll your eyes playfully even as you blushed.

A few drinks later and Peter stumbled over to you, a happy grin on his face, his eyes bright as he wrapped himself around you, nuzzling into your neck and placing soft kisses against your skin.

“Dance with me?” He whispered into your ear, placing a kiss against it.

You weren’t usually one for dancing but Peter kept pressing kisses along your shoulder and you couldn’t help but give in to him, letting him lead you to the living room which seemed to have been turned into a dance floor for the time being.

Dancing with Peter was just as intoxicating as all of thing involving Peter seemed to be, the way his arms wrapped around you, gripping your hips as he pulled your back to his chest, moving against you, his lips still mouthing at your neck whilst he nudged you to tilt your head for him as you moved to the beat of whatever song was playing.

Peter danced with you for a song or two before he was pulling away from your neck, trailing a series of kisses up to your ear.

“Let me take you home?” He whispered, his voice thick and heavy with want and you wanted him just as badly, nodding against him and letting him lead you out of Gwen’s place and back to yours.

You had noticed straight away when something shifted, Peter knocked on your window less and less as the weeks went on, the two of you were so close that you felt the loss immediately. When the two of you were together he acted differently, pulling away more and more and if you thought that was bad in public it was even worse.

Suddenly Peter, who was usually so open with his affection for you, treated you like you were a stranger. It was strange to go from having him always with you to him pulling away. You had tried to accept that maybe he just needed some distance, you did spend a lot of time together, maybe he just needed to be alone for a bit.

But after weeks passed where you would go days without receiving a reply from him, without feeling his arms around you or his lips against yours you didn’t know what to do. Something was obviously wrong but instead of talking to you about it he was pushing you further and further away.

Peter, meanwhile, was freaking out.

He had been swinging through the city, ready to call it a night as things seemed to be quiet and head over to your house when he heard somebody frantically calling out for him. His spider senses immediately honed in on the voice and he swung faster towards it, dropping into a crouch in front of a scared girl.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, scanning the scene for any danger but other than the girl's pale face and shaking hands there wasn’t anything out of place.

“Spider-Man,” she breathed out, looking at him in fear. “He told me to give you this.”

The girl held out a large thick envelope that caused Peter to frown. He hesitated for a moment before he took it off her but didn’t open it just yet.

“Who gave this to you?” He asked, watching as she shook her head.

“I don’t know, he just grabbed me and dragged me down here. He told me I had to make sure you got that or he’d hurt me.” The girl began to cry and Peter shushed her gently, pulling her up and wrapping his arm around her.

“I’m really sorry, will you let me walk you home?” He asked her softly and spent the next twenty minutes walking through New York, making sure the girl got home safely before he swung a few blocks away.

He landed on a rooftop and sat down, opening the envelope and feeling his heart stop when a picture fell out. It was a picture of you with Spider-Man and when he tipped the envelope out he saw dozens more of the two of you together, thankfully each time he was fully suited and masked.

‘The itsy, bitsy Spider-Man sure would be crushed if something happened to his little girlfriend.’

Peter’s blood ran cold as he tried to run through all the people he had dealt with recently but couldn’t think of anybody who would be furious enough to stalk him and threaten you. He had always been nervous about mixing you and Spider-Man but you both thought you were being careful.

Clearly he was wrong and now you were in danger because of him.

Putting space between you made Peter feel like the biggest jerk in the world but he knew if he told you it would cause you to panic. He didn’t want you looking over your shoulder every second of the day, startling at every sound you heard and being too scared to leave your apartment.

He was torn. Being away from you hurt but he had to protect you. He never thought he’d have to choose between you and Spider-Man, you had accepted his masked side immediately but now he had to protect you even if you never knew.

“Will you stop!” You exclaimed as you tried to catch up to Peter, the man had gotten good at avoiding you. “Seriously, tell me what’s going on!”

“There’s nothing going on.” Peter insisted as he stopped walking to let you catch up to him.

“Don’t lie to me, don’t do that. I haven’t seen you in weeks and you’re telling me we’re fine?” You cried, hating the way tears stung at your eyes but suddenly you were exhausted, being away from Peter for so long was wrong.

“Baby,” he sighed, stepping closer to you to cup your cheek. “I’m sorry, ok, I just…you’re right there is something wrong but not with us.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.” You pleaded and Peter’s own eyes filled with tears as he shook his head, leaning down to press your foreheads together and just savouring the feeling of having you so close.

“I love you so much.” He murmured, leaning down to press his lips against yours, kissing you so softly, so carefully, like you’d break if he was too rough.

“Peter, please just talk to me.” You begged when he pulled back but he shook his head again.

“I can’t baby, I can’t.” He told you tearfully, leaning in to kiss you one last time before pulling away. “Just do me a favour please.”

“Anything.” You told him sincerely, worried for him and wanting nothing more than to help him.

“Tell me you love me.” He asked, looking at you with wide, watery eyes that made your heart break.

“Of course I love you, you know that right?” You asked and he nodded at you, his lips thinning into a line as he fought back tears.

“Yeah, yeah I know that Y/N/N.” He forced his lips into a smile, taking you in before he knew he had to leave. “I gotta go baby.”

You went to open your mouth but Peter just shook his head, murmuring an apology before he raced away from you, leaving you standing in the street, watching as he blended into the crowd of strangers.

If you had known that would have been your last kiss with Peter you would have held him close a bit longer, you would have made it last until you were both gasping for breath, you wouldn’t have let him walk away without an explanation like the many years of your friendship, of your love meant nothing to him.

But you didn’t know that would be your last kiss with him, not until you got a call from Peter whilst you were in the shower. You hadn’t heard the phone ring but you smiled once you sat on your bed, changed into a pair of clothes you had stolen from Peter, to see a voicemail from him, it had been over a week since the last time you’d seen or heard from him.

“Um, hey…hey baby.” Peter said shakily and your smile immediately turned into a frown. “God, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I should be doing this in person but I can’t, I can’t because it’d kill me to see you cry. I…Y/N, I have to break up with you. I’m so sorry, baby but I gotta. It’s for the best.”

For the best? How was him breaking up with you for the best?

“You did nothing wrong, Y/N, you need to know that. This is all me and God, Y/N, one day I promise you, one day I’m gonna make up for all of this but right now…just know that I love you so much, baby, I really do love you.”

Tears were streaming down your face by the time the message ended and you were left in silence, the only sound was your occasional sobs as you struggled for air.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, you and Peter were meant to be it, you were meant to be with only each other, that’s what you promised each other. It was always supposed to be you and Peter against the world.

Now you were alone, with no explanation as to why only a promise that he would fix it one day. You weren’t sure how he was supposed to fix this when he couldn’t even stomach being in the same room as you.

You and Peter had planned a future together, it was impossible to see it without him. You didn’t want to see it without him. You weren’t supposed to have a last kiss with him, he wasn’t supposed to be something you missed.

You were so set on a future with Peter, thought he was so sure about one with you that the idea of him changing his mind had never even occurred to you. You wish it had though because then maybe you would have expected this a little bit but nothing could have prepared you for this.

You didn’t want this to be the end of your story with Peter, this was never how you’d imagined it to end and yet there was nothing you could do to change it, the only thing you could do was hope that one day Peter kept his promise and made things right again.

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Innocent

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Prompt - ‘Who you are is not where you've been, you're still an innocent.’

Bucky was glad for the serum running through his veins when he entered his fifth day without any sleep. He could still feel the pull of exhaustion, the heaviness of his bones and the way his eyes stung with the effort to keep prying them open when they fell shut for too long but the serum made it slightly more bearable.

He knew his therapist would tell him it was unhealthy, that he had to deal with this, find ways to cope. He knew Sam would say he had to talk about it, say that he didn’t mind sitting with him and just let Bucky talk until he felt better but he knew there was no feeling better.

How could he feel better? He was alive and his dreams haunted him each night, viciously reminding him of each person he killed, each person that died by his hands without him feeling a single shed of remorse.

He knew logically that wasn’t him, the fact he couldn’t sleep, the fact he felt sick to his stomach was proof that he did feel guilty but it didn’t matter. It had happened and he had done it, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t fight back against HYDRA, he should have, he should’ve been stronger, he should have stopped them.

Now they were gone and Bucky was left alone.

Truly alone.

Steve had left and even though Bucky had sent him off with a pat on the shoulder, had given the man the approval he needed before leaving, it had killed Bucky. It was the first time he had been in his right mind for longer than he could remember and he was alone, his only connection to a life long gone had left him behind.

The Soldier was no longer in his head either, not that he was torn up about that loss. Some days it felt strange, the Soldier had taken up so much space in his mind, he had been the one in control for longer than Bucky had ever been and now it was empty, quiet. Some days Bucky found himself just standing in a room, expecting the Soldier to take the lead only to remember he was alone now.

It was just him.

Sam had tried to help him but it was no good. Bucky pushed him away, not ready to deal with the reality of his life, not ready to accept what had happened to him. He agreed to see the therapist because he had to but she was no help either. Bucky left their sessions feeling worse than he ever had most days.

Still right now he knew he had to do something, sitting on the floor in the quiet of his apartment, the only light in the room coming from the street lights outside. He needed to get out, he didn’t care that it was late, it’s not like he had anywhere to be in the morning.

It took a great effort to pull himself from the floor but he somehow managed it, heading into his bedroom to shrug on a fresh pair of clothes, knowing he hadn’t changed for longer than was acceptable. He’d need a shower too at some point but couldn’t stomach the thought of it just yet.

The cold air hit him as soon as he left his apartment and he was glad for it when he felt more alert. He had no destination in mind, just picked a direction and let his feet carry him. There were plenty of bars open at this time and as much as he wanted to drink until he passed out he knew it was a useless wish, the serum running through him would barely let him feel a buzz from the alcohol, let alone make him forget anything.

Eventually he came across a small hole in the wall cafe. The lights were still on, a soft orange glow leaking out onto the streets and it was empty beside one man typing away at his laptop and two teenagers with papers scattered across their shared table.

He didn’t know what it was about the place but Bucky let his feet carry him to the door, pausing to take a steadying breath before opening the door.

The first thing that hit him was the warmth, a sudden change for the chill outside, then there was the smell. The smell of baked goods floating through the air made Bucky’s shoulders lose some of their tenseness as he stepped into the cafe and let the door close behind him softly.

The pair of teenagers didn’t look up at the sound of the bell, nor did the man typing furiously on his laptop. The only person who acknowledged his presence was a woman who stuck her head out of a door behind the counter, letting him know she’d be just a minute.

Bucky was content to wait, walking towards the counter and looking at the displayed goods, not too filled but there was a good selection especially considering the time. The place was nice too, it reminded him of somewhere he couldn’t quite remember, a memory just out of reach.

The place had a homely feel to it, soft lights instead of harsh white ones lit the space and the place was decorated in pastel colours that complimented each other nicely with bits of greenery littered around the room. For some reason he felt safe here, it could have just been because nobody seemed to recognize him or maybe there was just something about this place.

“Hey,” A voice pulled Bucky from his thoughts and he shook his head slightly before turning his gaze to you. “What can I get for you?”

The first thing Bucky noticed about you was how beautiful you were. You radiated the same kind of warmth the cafe did, smiling at him like he was a friend you’d known for years rather than a complete stranger, like he wasn’t a deadly killer.

He couldn’t tell if you knew him, most people did whether it was because they’d learnt about Bucky Barnes, best friend to Captain America or they’d see the news stories about the Winter Soldier. You didn’t flinch, didn’t pause, didn’t stare at him or gawk, didn’t take a step back. You just smiled at him as you leaned on the counter top waiting for him to reply.

It had been a long time since Bucky had spoken to somebody who didn’t know what he had done, to somebody who’s immediate first reaction upon meeting him wasn’t to run as fast as they could away from him.

“Um, a coffee please.” Bucky forced himself to say, suddenly aware of how croaky and dry his voice was after going days without talking to anybody.

“Sure thing, nothing to eat?” You asked, the smile never leaving your lips as you moved to start making his coffee for him.

Now that you mentioned it he couldn’t exactly remember when the last time he had actually eaten anything was, his stomach aching with hunger as he glanced back towards the treats with a new found appetite.

“Yeah actually, whatever you’d recommend.” Bucky answered and attempted a smile which he knew came out as nothing but a weak twitching of the lips but it was the thought that counted.

“Well in that case you have to try these.” Your smile morphed into a grin and Bucky couldn’t help but stare at you, feeling his anxiety and fear slipping away the longer he did.

When he finally did manage to pry his eyes away from your smile he looked down to see a plate of muffins that made his stomach long for food even more so than it had before. You set the plate down in front of him and he waited for you to turn back to making his coffee before he picked one up and took a bite.

Just as you turned back to hand the man his coffee you watched as his eyes lit up and he looked down at the muffin like it was the best thing he ever held.

“Good right?” You couldn’t help but chuckle, watching as the man’s eyes snapped up to meet yours.

“They’re amazing.” Bucky praised, the smile hadn’t left your face since you walked out of the back room but he still noticed how you brightened up even more at the compliment, thanking him sincerely before excusing yourself to finish up an order for tomorrow, leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts.

This was better, loathe as he was to admit it, getting out of the apartment was good. It was easier to ignore the reminders of what he had done, sat in the cafe that radiated warmth and goodness. The quiet noise of the two teenagers talking, the rustling of pages and the repetitive taps of the man’s keyboard, the soft music playing from somewhere in the back were all things he could focus on and he felt calmer than he had in weeks.

“Haven’t seen you around here before.” You said as you came back out into the front of the cafe, talking softly to the man so you didn’t disturb the others in the cafe. “You new to the city?”

“Born and raised here.” Bucky offered after a moment of hesitation. “Been away for a while though, decided to take a walk and found this place. It’s nice.”

“Thanks, it’s my family’s business. I took the night shift to help them out, plus I get to help myself to whatever treats are left over from the day so it’s not a bad gig.” You laughed and watched as the man’s lips pulled into a small smile.  

Bucky didn’t know what it was about you. Since Wakanda, since he was back in his own mind alone without the Soldier, he had found it difficult to talk to anyone, whether it was Sam or his therapist, the few times he had tried to talk to a pretty girl had gone terribly.

But there was just something about you that made it a bit easier to find some words, that made him want to try and say something. The fact that this was the longest conversation he had had with somebody in weeks wasn’t lost on him and he was so glad he had found this place.

You kept up a steady stream of conversation, not put out when Bucky seemed to pause for longer than was necessary before he answered in a low voice, rough for not being used. You were curious about the man but he looked like the world was weighing heavily on his shoulders so you stuck to light conversation, keeping it open enough that he could jump in whenever but not pressuring him to speak.

Bucky didn’t know how long he’d stayed in the cafe but eventually his muffin and coffee were gone, as was the man who had been sitting alone in the corner. He felt lighter than he had in a long time and could feel the exhaustion creeping back up on him even after his coffee.

He figured he should try and get some sleep, hoping that a good outing would be enough to ward off the memories.

“It was nice meeting you!” You smiled when Bucky politely excused himself, finding that you genuinely meant the words. Working in the cafe meant you met all sorts of people but none stood out to you quite like he did.

“Nice meeting you too.” Bucky said, finding it was easier to smile back at you before he made his way home, ready to sleep nightmare free for the first time in weeks.

A few weeks passed before Bucky stumbled his way down to your cafe again.

He had been doing good, ever since he had left you that first night he hadn’t had nightmares, not to say that his dreams had been pleasant but they weren’t keeping him awake for days on end.

Now though he was relieving more and more missions every night, seeing the faces of the innocent people he’d murdered to get to his target, seeing how cold and cruel he was capable of being.

When the bell chimed to let you know somebody had come into the cafe you looked up with a smile that faltered when you saw the man from a few weeks ago. His hair was dishevelled, his skin pale with a light sheen of sweat covering it and his eyes looked haunted in a way you had never seen before.

By the time he had made it to the counter and into the seat he had occupied last time he was here you had forced your smile back onto your face, not letting any sympathy shine through. The man didn’t need some stranger feeling sorry for him, so you wouldn’t give him that instead you could offer him a safe place to let his mind switch off for a while.

“Hey again! I was hoping you’d be back, I just made a batch of brownies and I think I’ve got the recipe just right. You wanna try one?” You asked, jumping right into conversation to hopefully pull the man from his thoughts.

Bucky looked over at you with wide, watery eyes, taking a minute to register what you had said before nodding hesitantly, watching as you busied yourself with fetching the brownies from the back and bringing a few out on a plate.

“You want a coffee to go with that?” You asked and watched him nod again. “Great, I’ll get that ready for you. Honestly, I’m glad you came back tonight, this place has been dead for hours. I suppose the kids have finished with their finals though, you remember those two that were here the other week? Yeah they practically live here but during exam season they take up permanent residence on that table.”

Bucky appreciated how you said nothing about the state he was in, glossing past it like it wasn’t even worth mentioning. He focused on your words, so thankful you didn’t seem to be expecting a response, just filling the silence with words he could follow and grab onto, a grounding link to reality.

Bucky let time pass without acknowledging it, focusing solely on you, listening to you as you told stories of growing up in New York, of growing up in the cafe and all the different types of people that stopped by, telling him about your favourite customers and the rudest ones. He was proud when he managed a few small smiles and even one chuckle but he hadn’t been able to find the strength to speak but you didn’t seem to mind, something that made him feel even more relaxed in this place, even more relaxed with you.

Bucky only pulled himself out of the safety of the cafe when he saw the first signs of the sun coming up, knowing you wouldn’t be around much longer anyway and a part of him felt guilty for having you put up with him for so long.

“Thank you.” Bucky managed to croak out as he stood to leave watching as your bright smile turned soft.

“Thank you, lord knows I needed the company tonight.” You told him and Bucky smiled back at you. “You’re always welcome here, you know?”

“Thank you.” Bucky said again, even though the words were whispered you could still hear how grateful he was for you to have said it.

“See you around.” You said softly, watching him go until he disappeared from view.

Bucky was back again two nights later, still not as talkative but he was able to speak this time around. He shared stories of growing up in Brooklyn trying his best not to slip up and reveal that his childhood was a lot further back than you guessed, trying not to let it slip that the childhood best friend he spoke about was Steve Rogers, Captain America.

You listened intently to everything Bucky shared with you, wanting to know anything he was willing to tell you. You couldn’t say what it was about this man who seemed so down on his luck but you wanted to know everything about him.

Eventually Bucky showing up at the cafe became a regular part of your routines, he showed up more nights than not. Some nights he was silent, just needing you to fill the space with whatever came to your mind and other nights he was like a whole different person, so confident and eager to talk and share parts of his life with you.

It had been months since you’d first met him and you knew you were falling for him, you thought you had been since that first day but now you were sure.

“You know who I am, don’t you?” Bucky asked suddenly one night causing you to tense for a moment, a frown spreading across your features.

It was a bad night for Bucky, he’d been here a few hours now and not said much. The cafe was empty, silent whilst you contemplated how to answer but eventually just nodded your head.

“Yeah, I knew who you were the first time you showed up here.” You told him honestly, remembering how shocked you’d been to see Bucky Barnes in your cafe but you had hid it well.

“You should have told me to stay the hell away.” Bucky muttered and you felt your features soften into a sad smile.

“I was never scared of you. You’ve been coming here for months, we’ve been alone together for most of that and you’ve never made me feel anything but safe.” You said, watching as he looked at you in shock before shaking his head.

“Safe?” He spat the word like it was poison. “I’m a monster.”

Your heart ached for the man. You had known a bit about the Winter Soldier before meeting Bucky but hadn’t researched it once you had met him, it felt wrong to do it, you figured when the time came the man would share his story with you if he wanted to.

“I don’t know your whole story but I do know it wasn’t your fault. I know you didn’t ask for what those people did to you. I know you’re not the monster, they are.” You told him, voice low and firm causing Bucky to look at you with wide eyes, desperately wanting to believe you but unable to.

“But I should have been stronger.” He whispered, a choked out sentence that broke your heart.

“Listen I can’t even begin to imagine what sort of hell you’ve been through but I do know you, this version of you, the one that you should be so proud of because you aren’t what they made you, who you were is not who you are now. You’ve got so much more to look forward to, a whole life to live as happily as you can, a big fuck you to the people who are hopefully gone.” You chuckled slightly, tears filling your eyes as you took Bucky’s hands in yours.

“Thank you.” Bucky croaked out, his own tears welling up in his eyes as he squeezed your hands gently in his. “Thank you.”

“I’m really glad you found this place.” You whispered to him, smiling shakily at him.

Bucky held your gaze, pulling his hands from yours before making his way around the counter that separated you. His flesh hand came up to your cheek, you willingly letting him tilt your head up towards him as he looked down at you with a soft smile, eyes red from where the tears stung at them.

“I’m glad I found you.” He whispered back, leaning down and pressing his forehead against yours.

Your eyes fell closed as you pressed forward, closing the space between you and feeling a rush of warmth run through you as your lips connected. The kiss was soft and gentle, neither of you needing to rush it even though it had been building for months. You took your time, savouring the feeling of Bucky’s lips against yours, the taste of cupcakes and coffee on his lips was intoxicating and you knew you were done for, there was no going back after this, you were all in.

When the two of you pulled away you were both silent for a moment, needing the chance to catch your breath. Bucky’s forehead rested back against yours, his thumb brushing along your cheekbone as he smiled down at you with you smiling softly back up at him.

“I can’t promise I’m any good at this anymore.” Bucky murmured and you laughed softly. “But I really want to try, if you’ll let me.”

“I like you, Bucky. I already know you have bad days, I want to be there for all of them. I don’t care how hard it is, I want to be with you.” You told him honestly, closing the distance between you again to kiss him softly.

Bucky pulled you close, wrapping his metal arm around you to hold you against him, promising himself he’d get this right. You were right, he was alive and HYDRA was dead, all those monsters wouldn’t live to see another day and Bucky had the chance to live the rest of his life happier than they could ever imagine.

He wanted that.

He wanted that with you.

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Not Leaving You

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Prompt - "You need to leave."

Requested - anon

The Doctor never said more about his past than he had to. Most of the people who travelled with him never asked too many questions, too caught up in the life that came with knowing the Doctor to ask about who he really was. When they did ask he gave them just enough to stop asking. 

He didn’t know what was different about you. When you asked he found he didn’t mind sharing a part of himself with you, a part of himself that nobody else knew. He couldn’t say for sure why because it ached his hearts terribly to talk about a life long gone but it was a little bit easier with you at his side.

You were a curious thing too, he’d lost count of how many times he’d lost you, you wandering off, too distracted by something or other and ready with a million and one questions by the time the Doctor finally did find you.

He knew sooner or later you’d be curious about him too, once you found out he had two hearts that had taken up about a week’s worth of conversation, you asking questions about Time Lords and what else was different about them, not knowing that there were no more Time Lords out there and missing the sad look that the Doctor forced off his face.

He had taken you to a planet he had found many, many years ago, one that made his chest feel warm and a smile pull on his face as you repeated the name after him, the word Zirafell sounding as beautiful as the planet itself coming from your lips. He had never shown it to anyone before but there was something so extraordinarily different about you that he wanted to share all his hiding spots and secrets with you.

The two of you were sitting in the field, the TARDIS parked not too far away. The grass was littered with little pink and blue flowers and a lilac lake glistened under the two suns in front of you.

“Where are you from anyway?” You asked softly, breaking the peaceful silence that had settled between you causing the Doctor to look at you in surprise but you kept your gaze on the lake.

“Me? Oh nowhere really.” The Doctor answered after a few beats of silence, watching as a frown pulled at your face.

“Everyone’s from somewhere.” You told him, finally turning to face him and seeing the discomfort on his face. You wondered whether to push it but before you could decide the Doctor spoke again.

“Not me. Not anymore.” The Doctor sighed and you stayed silent for a moment, just looking at him.

His gaze was on something just passed your shoulder, refusing to look at you as his mind played memories from long before you could even imagine. You wanted to know what he was thinking about though, wanted to know what put that sort of look on a person's face. 

“You could always go back home.” You told him, keeping your voice soft.

The Doctor looked back at you, a sad smile spreading across his face. You hadn’t seen that smile in a while, of course you’d seen it plenty when you’d first met him. A sad man sitting alone looking like his whole world had fallen apart around him and there was nothing he could do about it.

It took some time but eventually he told you about the people he’d lost and how travelling with him was dangerous. He had told you he’d take you home, that he’d understand if you wanted to leave but you just wrapped your arms around him, pulling him in for a hug, smiling into his chest when he gripped you tight.

“Not even I can do that.” The Doctor laughed softly, no amusement in it as he turned to look out at the lake. He never wanted to talk about it, about all that pain and suffering, about what he had done and yet sat here with you, he wanted you to know that sad, angry, lonely part of him. 

“My home’s long gone, Y/N.” The Doctor said after a long silence where you had figured he wasn’t going to share anything with you. “It was a beautiful place, you’d have loved it. I’d love to have shown you. The Time Lords, my people, the universe was so much brighter with them in it. People would cheer when they saw one and now, now they’re gone, my planet’s gone.”

“What happened to it?” You asked, voice barely above a whisper as you looked at him, his eyes glazed over. 

“There was a war.” He told you, swallowing around a lump in his throat. “It doesn’t matter, but nobody won that day. Nobody ever really wins I suppose. Everyone died. Everyone but me.”

When you first saw the Doctor, before you knew who he was, you just referred to him as the sad man. Watching him now you couldn’t think of a better way to describe him, the sad man, the sad man who was all alone in the universe, the sad man who had lived through the destruction of his whole planet, his whole race.

The sad man with a magical box who spent his life bringing hope everywhere he went.

“The last of the Time Lords.” You murmured, remembering what a woman from several months back had hissed to him, at the time the Doctor brushed it off when you asked questions, now you knew why. 

“The last of the Time Lords.” The Doctor agreed just as quietly and neither of you said anything else, there was nothing left to say so you rested your head on his shoulder, his coming to rest on top of yours as the two of you stared ahead at the lilac water.

From that day onwards you and the Doctor were closer than ever, he shared more of his life with you and you found yourself falling a little bit more for the man as each day passed. It was a dangerous thing to do, falling in love with the Doctor and yet you let yourself fall, not bothering to question if he would catch you but enjoying the fall while it lasted.

You felt closer with the Doctor than you had with anyone you had known back home, not a single day went by where you regretted leaving, regretted choosing the Doctor over your old life. You knew you’d make the same choice over and over again. You could never give the Doctor up.

Months passed since that day, months where you and the Doctor would spend your nights floating through the galaxy, legs hanging over the TARDIS door as the Doctor told you about the different stars and planets that surrounded you with such fondness, months were he took your hand in yours and you couldn’t help but smile, savouring the feeling of his thumb running softly across the back of your hand as he pulled you along, tugging you back to him when you went to wander off. Months were you and the Doctor traded secrets in the quiet of the night, things that you’d never have dreamed of sharing with anyone else and yet knowing the whispered words were safe with each other.

“You’ll love this one, Y/N/N!” The Doctor told you with an excited grin on his face, hurrying you to put your coat on causing you to laugh before he finally grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the TARDIS, pausing long enough to lock the box before the two of you were off.

“Welcome to Thucruiruta.” The Doctor beamed at you and you couldn’t help the gasp that escaped you as you finally looked around.

The planet was beautiful, the sky was golden and all sorts of creatures were moving around you, so many things demanded your attention and the thing that won it was the Doctor squeezing your hand.

“It’s beautiful, Doctor.” You breathed out, watching as the Doctor’s grin softened and you didn’t even try and stop yourself from smiling back, leaning into him before letting him lead the way.

The Doctor was eager to show you everything, used to your curiosity and the hundreds of questions you came up with, more than happy to show off and answer them, making his way through the stands and insisting you try all the different foods on display. 

It was hard to imagine such a perfect day taking a turn but you had also gotten used to trouble following the Doctor by now, so when an explosion sounded not too far in the distance you immediately turned to the Doctor, waiting for him to do something.

It didn’t take him more than a second to grab your hand, pulling you into the heart of the danger and you went along with him willingly. You knew you always would, you never gave it a second thought, you knew that you would always follow the Doctor no matter where he went.

You gasped as you took in the scene, people were scattered all over the floor, some crying out and others not moving at all. You gripped the Doctor’s hand in yours and he squeezed back before moving further into the chaos, looking around for some clue as to what had happened.

There was a child on the floor, a deep cut in their green skin as blue blood poured from it. You pulled your hand from the Doctor’s and made your way to the child’s side as the Doctor pulled the sonic screwdriver out to try and find what had caused the explosion. 

“You alright?” You asked softly, pulling your jacket off and using a sharp bit of rubble to rip the end of your shirt in lieu of a bandage. 

“Hurts.” The kid whimpered and you gave her an encouraging smile, warning her it might sting as you tied the torn material around her arm as tightly as you could.

“Good job, that’ll be good until we can get you to your family.” You told her standing up and holding a hand out for her, pulling her up by her uninjured arm and looking around. “Where was your family?”

You watched as she pointed the way you had come from, away from where the explosion was and you glanced over your shoulder to see the Doctor glaring down at the sonic, a furious expression you couldn’t ever remember seeing on his face that sent a shiver down your spine.

“Come on then, let’s see if we can find them.” You said, pulling your gaze from the Doctor and forcing the uneasy feeling you suddenly felt in the pit of your stomach away, leading the young girl away from the scene.

Even in the sea of screams and shouts for friends and family you managed to find the young girl's family quite easily, her mum falling to her knees and wrapping her arms around her daughter, mindful of her arm after she winced. 

You stayed long enough for the family to thank you tearfully and the girl to hug you before you pushed your way through the crowd and looked around for the Doctor, frowning when you couldn’t see him.

You made your way further into where the explosion had gone off, gasping when something sharp dug into your arm, looking to your left to see a tall figure beside you, sharp teeth visible as the thing grinned down at you and pushed you forward, dragging you alongside it and not even pausing as you fought back against it.

There was a slimy sort of wet texture to the creature and you couldn’t stop yourself from wincing as it’s nails drew blood from you, the thing snarling the whole time until it pushed you onto the floor and you were staring at sharper nails and blue feet, looking up to see more than a dozen of the things standing together.

“Let her go.” The Doctor’s voice sent a wave of relief through you and your head snapped around to look at him. “Now.”

The Doctor’s voice was cold, so devoid of any emotion that it scared you. The creatures, however, didn’t seem at all phased by him and instead laughed at the Doctor.

“The Doctor always was too fond of the humans.” One of the creatures laughed, sending a wave of spit flying from his mouth. “Too bad he can never save his precious little pets.”

That seemed to hit a nerve with the Doctor and you had heard the stories of his past companions, of how much danger they had been put in simply by being with him. You knew it was scarred on his two hearts, every loss, every defeat, every life lost, every life he blamed himself for.

“The Doctor’s not good at saving anybody.” Another one called, amusement clear in its voice, “Poor little Doctor, all alone, no Time Lords around anymore.”

The creatures all laughed together and you winced as you watched fury take over the Doctor. It seemed these creatures had history with the Doctor, at the very least they knew exactly what buttons to press to tear him apart.

The Doctor looked different, he didn’t look like the Doctor you had seen every day, he looked like a whole different person. Cold fury in his eyes, mouth set in a thin line and his knuckles bone white from the grip he had on the sonic.

“You will let her go and you will leave this planet.” The Doctor told them, voice low and commanding the attention of everyone.

You could only stare at him, fear in your eyes, not sure who you were more afraid of in that moment. Usually you could read the Doctor easily, always seeming to know what his next step was but right then, in that moment you didn’t know what he was going to do.

“Or what, Doctor?” One of them spat but you didn’t bother looking behind at them, keeping your gaze on the Doctor. “The last time we met you were a coward, what’s changed?”

“What’s changed?” He shot back, taking a step forward and you felt your breath catch in your throat at his tone. “What’s changed? The last time I showed you mercy. That was a mistake. I won’t make the same one twice. Now leave.”

“Or what?” It asked again, tone hard as the creatures refused to move.

“Or I’ll burn this entire planet with you on it.” The Doctor said without hesitation and your eyes widened, staring at him in shock.

“You wouldn’t, the Doctor wouldn’t harm innocents, not in the name of revenge.” One of them laughed but it sounded nervous, like it didn’t believe its own words and looking at the fury on the Doctor’s face you had to agree with it.

“Do you really want to test that theory?” The Doctor asked, the silence stretching as the creatures all looked at each other. “All I have to do is press this button and you’ll be dead before you realise it.”

The Doctor held the sonic up and you shook your head, not that he was looking at you but you couldn’t believe him. He wasn’t bluffing, he wasn’t improvising whilst he came up with a plan to deal with this without harming anybody. He was being deadly serious.

You were terrified of the man before you. He wasn’t the Doctor, not the Doctor you knew anyway.

“Liar!” A creature yelled and the Doctor gave it an unimpressed look before going to press the button but you stood up before he could.

“Don’t!” You shouted, reaching a hand out like one would around a scared animal, locking eyes with the Doctor for the first time since you’d been pushed onto the floor. “Don’t.”

“Y/N, you don’t know what these are.” The Doctor told you, his thumb hovering dangerously close to the button on the sonic. 

“I don’t care. This isn’t you, you’re the Doctor! People look to you for hope, you’re not a murderer, don’t do this! Don’t become them.” You pleaded with him but his face was still set with cold fury and you feared there was no changing his mind.

“Get to the TARDIS and don’t look back.” He instructed and you immediately shook your head.

“No.” You told him. “No, I’m not letting you do this. There are millions of innocent people on this planet and you will not destroy them for whatever grudge you’re holding.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you need to leave. Now get on the TARDIS, Y/N!” The Doctor snapped and you felt tears sting your eyes but held your ground.

“No. If you’re going to burn this planet you’ll do it with me on it.” You said, voice shaking as tears made their way over your eyes, hating that you didn’t know what the Doctor was going to do.

“Get on the TARDIS.” The Doctor commanded through gritted teeth but you shook your head again.

“I already told you I’m not leaving.” You told him, blinking away the tears as they carried on running down your face.

The Doctor held your gaze, the small part of him that wasn’t consumed with anger and hatred felt guilt and hurt as you looked at him like you were terrified, like he was the monster instead of the creatures behind you. 

“Leave.” He spat out, not taking his gaze of you as he addressed the creatures. “Get off this planet and if I ever see you again I won’t show a shred of mercy.”

The creatures wasted no time scurrying away, hurrying over to their ships and taking off just as quickly, leaving you and the Doctor staring at each other. Just as the Doctor opened his mouth, you cut him off.

“Take me home.” You told him, suddenly feeling drained.

“Y/N,” he sighed but you just shook your head at him, moving past him and making your way back towards where the TARDIS was parked, using your key to unlock the box and letting yourself in.

The Doctor sighed to himself, rubbing a hand across his face before pocketing the sonic and following after you, desperately trying to think how he could salvage this. He hadn’t wanted to let himself fall for you but over the year and the months you’d spent at each other’s side he couldn’t help it.

Now he was losing you because he had held onto a grudge from so many years back.

The anger had taken over him to the point he couldn’t control himself but you could, you stopped him even when he didn’t think he could be stopped.

When he walked into the TARDIS you were sitting in one of the chairs, looking away from him as he quietly worked on setting a course for Earth, hoping you would change your mind before you got there.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, watching you closely. He could tell you were listening but you didn’t say anything. 

“Those creatures, Y/N…” He trailed off and you finally looked over at him, seeing him take a deep breath before he spoke again. “Those creatures are called Eelvo’s. I met them a long time ago, long before I had this face. I lost somebody because of them and I let them go.”

“You don’t kill people.” You told him, your voice quiet but firm and the Doctor sighed as he came and sat next to you. 

“I have bad days, Y/N. Days where I am not a good man.” The Doctor told you, ashamed of himself, ashamed that you had seen him like that. He had never wanted that.

“Doctor, today I was more scared of you than any of those other things.” You said softly, glancing at the Doctor as he shut his eyes and swallowed thickly around a lump in his throat, fighting back tears.

The last thing he had ever wanted was for you to be scared of him.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know what happened, seeing them again after so long, seeing the destruction they were still causing, the pain and lives they were still taking…” The Doctor trailed off, a single tear making its way down his cheek.

You sighed softly, reaching over to take his hand in yours and giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. You were still unsure, still hadn’t liked seeing the Doctor so furious but he was still the Doctor, he was your Doctor again and seeing him in pain was the last thing you wanted.

“I’m sorry, Y/N/N, I never wanted you to hate me.” He whispered, his voice breaking around the words and you felt your heart break with them.

“I don’t hate you, Doctor.” You told him honestly, “I’ve never seen you like that and I didn’t like it but I don’t hate you. I’m not sure I could ever hate you.”

The Doctor smiled over at you sadly and you returned it, squeezing his hand again.

“I’ll take you home.” He whispered and you frowned, you had asked him to take you home but the thought of actually leaving the Doctor behind sent an ache through you.

“How about Zirafell instead?” You asked him, a small smile pulling at your lips as he looked over at you in surprise. 

“You sure?” He asked, a hopeful note in his voice and you nodded, watching as his shoulders lost the tension in them and he let out a small breath, nodding himself before standing up and moving around the console to change the course, hoping that the two of you would be alright. 

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@ajordan2020, @nyx2021, @etanordoesbullsh1t, @book-fic-reader, @buckystrash, @queen-who, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @kodiakwhiskey, @alexxavicry, @instabull, @rosesinmars, @freeshavocadoooo, @audrie-bryant, @leothesquishy, @etanordoesbullsh!t

Thank you so much for reading!

pls pls pls do something with Andrew!Peter and Last Kiss for the Speak Now masterlist

i love this one, thanks for requesting it!💜

i hope you like it!!