August

August

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Prompts - 'It is August. My life is going to change. I can feel it.'

The change from July to August passed as easily as it always did, the weather was still warm, birds could still be heard chirping away and yet you couldn’t help but feel off. More than half the year had passed and it had passed without anything remarkable happening. The years had all seemed to pass the same lately and no matter how much you promised yourself this one would be different it seemed it was destined to be anything but. 

Of course just when you give up hope of something great, something remarkable happening, is often when your life changes most. 

It was a regular Monday and you were getting by on nothing but a few hours of sleep as you walked the busy streets with a hot to-go cup warming your hands, mind not completely awake just yet and not at all focused on your surroundings. It shouldn’t have been a surprise when you were suddenly jolted, nearly falling to the floor before a pair of arms caught you. 

“Oh god, I am so sorry, are you alright, love?” You looked up, eyes widening at the man holding you in the middle of a busy London street.

His voice was soft and it washed over you, calming your racing heart from both being crashed into and from the man himself, beautiful and captivating and staring at you. 

Of course, you hadn’t answered him and with a mental slap to your face you cleared your throat and answered the question, straightening up as you did, smiling as the man’s arms didn’t leave you. 

“I’m alright, thank you. Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” You apologised, smiling softly at him, and watching as he mirrored the expression back, your heart seemingly skipping a beat at how beautiful the smile made him look. 

“Oh no, it’s my fault really, completely in a world of my own.” He chuckled and you couldn’t help but grin at him. “Oh bugger, your drink! Let me buy you a new one, if you’re not in a rush of course.” 

You weren’t in a rush thankfully but even if you had been you thought you would have cancelled any plans then and there if it meant being able to spend a single second longer in the man’s presence. 

“Thank you, you don’t have to though.” You told him but he just shook his head, cutting you off before you could say anything else. 

“No, no really I insist.” He told you, finally drawing his arms back with a sheepish smile and you felt the loss immediately but didn’t dwell on it, instead your smile widened as you nodded. 

“Then I’d like that, thank you.” You said and his whole face seemed to brighten up as he shifted his bag on his shoulder before nodding and gesturing for you to follow him. 

What were you doing, this was completely unlike you to go off with a man you’d just met, one that was a complete stranger and yet it didn’t seem like he was. Something about this man seemed to put you at ease, radiating safety and warmth and you were drawn to him immediately. 

You’d been saying you wanted things to change, months passed in the same old cycle and this was a welcome break in the chain. Perhaps August was the month for it. 

“I’m Steven by the way, nice to meet you.” Steven, it suited him nicely. 

“I’m Y/N,” you told him, sending him a smile back, completely unable to help the way it spread across your face as you looked at him. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

The two of you walked side by side, looking to the outside world like a pair of old friends or lovers out for a morning stroll. Steven, for all that he stammered and fidgeted, was surprisingly confident in carrying the conversation, rambling on about whatever came to his mind, asking questions about you, where you were from, what you were interested in and he responded in kind and by the time the two of you came to the coffee shop neither of you wanted to leave the others company. 

“If you’re, well, if maybe by some chance you weren’t busy would you perhaps like to have a drink?” Steven managed to ask and you felt your heart beat faster and your shoulders relax. “With me I mean.”

“Yeah,” you told him with a soft, almost fond breath of laughter as you nodded, watching as he grinned at you, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

As the two of you ordered Steven felt the ball of nervous energy in the pit of his stomach grow, completely outside of his comfort zone and yet something about you put him at ease and made it easy for him to take a breath and relax. 

It wasn’t long before the two of you were seated with drinks in front of you, Steven’s fingers tapping a steady rhythm on the sides of his cup. Somehow this felt more intimate than walking the streets of London, sitting across from each other under the low light of some hole in the wall coffee shop and yet, despite the nerves you both felt, neither of you could think of anywhere else you’d rather be.

“So where were you off to before we crashed into each other?” Steven asked with a grin and you felt yourself relax even more, glad for the easy conversation and the chance to memorise his features some more.

“I was heading to the museum, I have an interview and wanted to get there earlier to make sure I knew where to go.” You told him, watching as he seemed to perk up at the mention of the museum before his eyes widened.

“Oh god, you have an interview and I pulled you away from it. You really didn’t have to-” Steven began but you just chuckled softly, shaking your head, and cutting him off.

“It’s fine, really, my interview isn’t until after lunch, trust me I’ve got plenty of time and I’d rather be here with you than nervously pacing around the museum.” You laughed and watched as he relaxed, a soft laugh escaping him.

“You have an interview though, that’s great!” Steven beamed at you and somehow this stranger opposite you seemed just as excited as you were at the offer and you were glad to have somebody around who shared your excitement. “That’s really amazing, honestly you’ll love it, I worked there for a bit but it didn’t work out.” He told you, his nose scrunching up slightly as he shook his head and you couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Hopefully I’ll love it if I even get the job. What happened with you?” You asked and watched as he turned to look out of the window for a second before shaking his head and turning his attention back to you.

“Oh you know, had a bit of a nasty run in with a jackal and caused some property damage.” He told you, tone so serious that it drew a laugh from you and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing along with you.

“And yet somehow not the worst reason I’ve heard for being fired.” You chuckled before taking a sip from your drink.

Conversation flowed easily from there, somehow you felt like you had known this man, this stranger, for your whole life, like the two of you were long-time friends who hadn’t seen each other for a while and were simply spending time catching up on everything that had happened since you’d last seen one another, except in this case it was catching up on each other’s entire lives.

It was nice talking to Steven, nice to have somebody around who shared the same interests as you, who seemed genuinely interested and listened to every word that left your mouth. Something about Steven made you feel light, feel a happiness that you hadn’t known you had been missing. 

The man was a simply just a stranger who had happened to bump into you and yet here the two of you were, turning an accident into something that would change your futures, would steer you two down a different path, one where your lives became so entwined it would be impossible to remember a time before knowing one another.

You smiled as you listened to him talk, couldn’t help but silently thank the universe or whatever god what listening for sending Steven Grant your way, for having him knock into you and for having you leave for your interview with enough time to spare for meeting Steven. 

Mid-sentence Steven cut himself off, glancing towards the window next to the two of you again causing you to raise your eyebrows and follow his gaze but saw nothing so instead you turned back to him just in time to see his eyes widen as he looked back to you.

“It’s nearly time for your interview!” He told you and your eyes widened as you pulled your phone out, frowning down at the time, easily getting lost in the conversation with Steven and not realising how much time had passed before debating just how much your interview was worth if it meant leaving Steven’s side. 

If you hadn’t been waiting for this job to come around for months you might have genuinely left the interview but you knew you had to leave no matter how much you wanted to stay. Instead you looked back up at Steven with an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry,” You started but Steven cut you off with a smile, shaking his head fondly.

“None of that now, you have to get to your interview. I know you’re gonna smash it.” He told you and again you were almost taken back by how much this stranger seemed to be rooting for your success.

“It was really nice to meet you, Steven.” You hated that you had to leave, wanted nothing more than to sit in this cosy little coffee shop and just get to know everything about the man in front of you. Instead you started to stand but Steven stopped you before you could.

“I, oh god, don’t bugger this up now mate,” you smiled as he spoke to himself, watching in amusement as he shook his head before glancing up at you with a sheepish smile, “I don’t usually, well when I say usually I do mean ever, but anyway I don’t do this but you are really beautiful, I mean look at you, you’re stunning and I would hate myself if I didn’t ask you if I could see you again.” Steven rambled his way through his attempt to ask you out all the while your smile grew wider.

“I’d really like that.” You said, pulling your phone out again before handing it to him, “here give me your number.”

The two of you swapped phone numbers before walking out of the coffee shop together, each heading in opposite directions and pausing to say a goodbye.

“I’m really glad I met you,” Steven murmured, his eyes widening like he hadn’t meant to say the words out loud causing you to laugh softly, “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“I’m glad we met too.” You told him honestly, somehow feeling more of a connection with a man you’d known for less than two hours than with anyone else you had met in a really long time.

“I should let you go then I suppose, big interview and all that.” He smiled and you couldn’t help but mirror the expression. “Good luck, Y/N, not that you need it, they’d be stupid not to hire you.”

“Thank you,” You laughed, knowing you really had to leave now or you’d be late. “I’ll see you soon, right?”

“I should hope so, I think I’d rather like to have you in my life.” Steven said and the words were so honest that you couldn’t help the soft smile that spread across your face, feeling a soft blush on your cheeks as you ducked your head before glancing back up at him.

The two of you finally said your goodbyes, walking away with matching wide smiles before turning back to sneak one final glance at each other. It seemed after weeks, after months of pleading with the world it had finally given you an answer to your questions, a cure to the lonely, repetitive days in the form of Steven Grant. You could feel the shift when you were with him, a moment that you hoped and pleaded would be life changing, echoing Steven’s sentiment and wanting nothing more than to have him in your life.

You really hoped August was the month to change your life and really hoped Steven Grant would become a constant presence at your side. 

__________________

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You Were My Only Hope

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Angstember Prompt - “For what it’s worth, I never gave up on you."

You had been on your own for a long time now, floating through the galaxy and never staying in one place long enough for anybody to know you, hiding your identity and shutting yourself off from the Force completely whilst trying to push through each lonely day without focusing on the emptiness around you.

Obi-Wan had long since taken off, exiling himself to Tatooine to look after the boy, Anakin’s boy. Some days you almost caved and went to the planet but you weren’t quite sure either you or Obi-Wan were prepared to face your past life just yet. The two of you weren’t the same people you had been all those years ago, Anakin’s downfall and death had taken something from both of you that hadn’t yet been replaced.

You had loved Anakin, had loved him more dearly than anything else. You had been praised for how well you followed the Jedi Code but it wasn’t true, for Anakin Skywalker you broke the Jedi Code everyday even if he never knew. You had known he had a relationship with Padmé, though you hadn’t quite known the extent of it, had no idea they were married, but it didn’t stop you from loving him.

Even though Anakin didn’t love you as you loved him, it didn’t mean he didn’t love you in his own way. The two of you had grown up alongside each other in the Temple, you were Anakin’s first and best friend. Whilst Obi-Wan wasn’t actually your Master, he had been in every sense of the word other than officially. You had spent more time training with him and Anakin than you had your own Master and if the Jedi allowed a Master to take on more than one Padawan you knew Obi-Wan would have happily accepted you as his own alongside Anakin. Over the years you became everything to each other, something closer than friends and somehow more intimate than lovers, there hadn’t been anything the two of you didn’t share with each other, at least you’d thought there were no secrets between you right up until Anakin’s fall.

Seeing the destruction he had caused, the death of Padmé, leaving the bodies of children behind in the Temple, helping with the murder of Jedi across the galaxy and making sure that the few who had escaped had bounties on their heads forever, turned your stomach. You knew that if you had had the chance all those years ago you would have done anything to change it, would have given up everything so long as Anakin kept his light.

There was nothing you could do though, Anakin was dead, Obi-Wan had pulled you aside shortly after Padmé had given birth to the children and tearfully told you what had happened on Mustafar, told you that Anakin was gone. The two of you held each other, knowing that nothing would be the same again and you hadn’t stopped the tears that poured from your eyes, soaking the cloak Obi-Wan wore.

From that day on you had been lost, jumping from one planet to the other and it was only when you came across a group of Inquisitors that you were glad you had been running, glad you had shut yourself off from the Force. You had hidden yourself in the shadows, easily blending in with the sketchy figures around you as one of the Inquisitors Force choked a Jedi they had found. You knew this was common, any Jedi found was to be killed, the Empire wouldn’t rest until they were. You had grown numb to it, had seen it happen too many times, in the early years you had wanted to react, wanted to help the Jedi but you knew that meant exposing yourself and you couldn’t do it.

“Where is Y/F/N Y/L/N?” One of the Inquisitors snarled and you felt your eyes go wide and forced yourself to swallow against the sudden lump in your throat.

You knew the Empire was looking for Obi-Wan for whatever reason, over the years you had heard whispers of his name but nobody had found where he was yet, only a few people knew that information and none of you would ever betray Obi-Wan.

The question was, why were they looking for you?

Ever since you’d overheard that conversation you had cut down your time spent on a single planet, making sure to keep your face covered whenever you had to be surrounded by people and kept your head down. You had dodged many Inquisitors in the past few months and again the urge to go to Obi-Wan for help was strong, the urge to reconnect with the Force and call out to Obi-Wan but you never did.

Instead you ran and you hid and you didn’t talk to anybody that wasn’t necessary. You were good but there was only so much you could do without the Force to help you, for it to warn you when danger was near. It didn’t surprise you nearly as much as it should have when you rounded a corner and saw your little shack in the middle of nowhere surrounded by Inquisitors, a ship not too far away.

Without your own lightsaber it really wasn’t a fair fight and it wasn’t long before you were being marched into the ship, a collar around your throat to cut you off from the Force despite you having done that yourself many years ago.

You didn’t say anything though, just let them shove along, rolling your eyes as they gloated about catching you before you were being pushed into a small, dark room. The door shut behind you and you were glad to be separated from the troopers and Inquisitors, if only to be rid of their constant taunting that was nothing more than an annoyance.

You had no idea where you were being taken, you could feel the ship moving and you could feel it making the shift to hyperspace. You spent the journey sitting on the floor, legs crossed as you let your mind wander. Even as a Padawan you had struggled to mediate, your Master hadn’t had the patience to teach you after repeated failures but Obi-Wan was more than happy to sit opposite you and guide you through it no matter how long it took. Mediating without being surrounded by the Force felt pointless but you still tried, if only to pass the time.

At some point your peace was disturbed as the door opened and you opened one eye to see a female Inquisitor enter the room alone. You regarded her for a second longer before letting your eye fall shut again, not giving her a reaction. She waited for the door to shut before she spoke.

“Anakin Skywalker has been waiting a very long time for you.” She told you and you couldn’t hide your reaction.

Your eyes shot open, staring openly at the woman in front of you in shock as your back stiffened with her words.

“What did you just say?” You asked, voice low and cold.

“You heard m-” She started to say but cut herself off, staring back at you for a moment before letting out a laugh, one that showed just how much she enjoyed having some sort of power over you as a smirk spread across her face. “You don’t know.”

“Know what? What do you know of Anakin?” You asked, not having pieced together what she knew.

“You don’t know,” She repeated, glee written on her face as she continued, “You don’t know what became of him.”

“He died.” You said through gritted teeth, annoyed at whatever tactic she was playing.

“Oh no, Y/N. Anakin Skywalker didn’t die, Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader.”

Your blood ran cold at her words, your head already shaking in disbelief because that was impossible. You hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting Vader but when one travelled the galaxy as much as you did you heard the stories. There was no way that was Anakin, no way.

“You really didn’t know.” She murmured, pulling you out of your thoughts and glaring at the smirk that was still on her face. “I guess you are right, your sweet Anakin Skywalker is long gone, Darth Vader is who remains.”

With those words she turned to leave the room, leaving you with that bombshell as you tried to sort your thoughts out. There was no way Obi-Wan knew, he would have told you. He, like you, believed Anakin had died on Mustafar but clearly he had received help, something had happened after Obi-Wan left with Padmé.

Even knowing what you knew about Vader you had to believe that Anakin was still in there somewhere, buried deep down under Darkness. Had you known he was still alive you wouldn’t have wasted years running around the galaxy, you would have done anything you could to bring him back to you.

For the first time since you had shut yourself off from it you wished you could connect with the Force.

It wasn’t long after that you felt the ship land, the doors to your cell were sliding open and two Inquisitors flanked by a handful of troopers were revealed. One of the Inquisitors wrapped their hand around your arm and dragged you along, the other gripping your other arm once you were close to him. You let them lead you through the ship and it took a good few minutes before you arrived in front of two heavy looking doors.

Upon seeing you and the Inquisitors, as well as the troopers who had followed you, the trooper standing guard opened the doors and you were shoved forward. You kept a bored look on your face but it was quickly replaced by a sad look as you saw Darth Vader standing in the room.

That couldn’t be Anakin and yet even without the Force to guide you, you had a feeling in the pit of your stomach, one that turned you cold, that the Inquisitor hadn’t been lying.  

“Leave us.” Vader ordered, his voice modified through the suit, sounding nothing like Anakin.

The Inquisitors and troopers left the room and the door fell shut behind them leaving you alone with Vader. You stood tall, a neutral look masking the pain and sadness you felt, staring into the helmet of Darth Vader.

“You have been difficult to find.” He told you and you couldn’t help but smirk, you had only become aware of the fact that the Empire was after you a few months ago, you wondered just how long you’d had a bounty on your head. “I have you now and you will tell me where Kenobi is hiding.”

You struggled to keep your mask in place, struggled not to let it show how painful it was hearing the hate filter through the mask. How had things fallen apart so badly, how had Anakin Skywalker, the person who had never failed to give you hope all throughout the clone wars, the person who you only ever saw the best in, fallen so hard? How could that boy who looked up to Obi-Wan, who had loved him dearly, not even bring himself to say his name? Only able to spit it out like it was poison.

Where had it all gone wrong?

“It’s really you then isn’t it?” You asked him, despite your neutral face your voice betrayed you, quivering slightly before you forced yourself to take a breath. “I didn’t want to believe her when she said you were Anakin but it’s you isn’t it?”

“Don’t use that name!” He spat, one arm raised with a clenched fist and you found yourself  a few feet in the air, Vader cutting off your breath as he Forced choked you.

It was child's play, you could handle being Forced choked, Anakin knew it as well as you did. You had been through worse during the years of the Clone Wars, suffered worse things than a choking. The Clone Wars had been tough, you’d been kidnapped more times than you could count, tortured even more, Anakin had been by your side throughout it all, you both knew this was nothing.

“Skywalker was weak, he was useless.” Vader said as he stopped choking you and you just about stayed upright as you were dropped to the floor.

“Anakin was never weak and he was far from useless. He was the bravest person I have ever met, he inspired loyalty, he was a hero.” You said, stressing the last word as you gave Vader a look of distaste. “Can you say the same about yourself?”

“You abandoned him, left him to die. Don’t speak to me about loyalty.” Vader snarled and even without the Force you could feel his anger, his pain and frustration.

You had to believe there was more than that there though, that there was some light no matter how small and dim, there had to be.

Anakin couldn’t just be gone.

For years you had lived thinking he had died, alone and in pain, left behind by Obi-Wan. You hadn’t blamed Obi-Wan, you had had years to dwell on it, years to run it through your head and knew full well that if you were in the man's shoes you wouldn’t have been able to kill Anakin either.

Even now as you stood before the darkest and most twisted version of Anakin, knew of all the pain and horror he had inflicted on the galaxy, even now you knew full well if you had the chance you wouldn’t be able to kill him.

You could practically see Master Yoda in your mind, shaking his head in disappointment as he spoke about attachments.

“Abandoned you?” You asked, shaking your own head as you stared at him in disbelief. “I thought you were dead. If I had known, if I had even had an inkling that you were alive, believe me I would have found you myself. I would have done everything I could to break through all the darkness surrounding you.”

“You expected me to believe that?” He scoffed and you glared at him. It was hard talking to him like this, not just because of the anger and the hatred but because of the helmet. Anakin had always been so expressive, his every emotion played out on his face but now the man hid behind the helmet.

“You know I’m not lying.” You told him and he remained silent for a few moments.

“There was a place for you at my side, there still is a place for you.” He told you suddenly, voice quiet but firm and you felt your eyes widen, there was no way he thought you would ever turn to the Dark Side but then again you had once believed he would never fall. “All you have to do is tell me where Kenobi is.”

“You know I would never betray Obi-Wan, Anakin.” You told him and watched as he took a step closer to you, towering over you but you forced yourself to meet the helmet.

“I am not Anakin.” He told you, anger clear in his tone and you couldn’t help the sad smile that pulled at your lips.

“You will always be Anakin Skywalker to me.” You said softly before you were slammed into a wall by the Force, Vader doing nothing more than pinning you against it. “And for what it’s worth, I never gave up on you. No matter how lost you are, no matter how far you stray from everything you once believed in, I never gave up on you, not when I saw what had become of the Padawans, not when the order was given for the Clones to kill us. I still believe in Anakin Skywalker.”

Vader stayed silent, the only sound in the room was that of his breathing, heavy through the helmet. You knew you were pushing it, knew this was a dangerous game but you didn’t care, you had to know if Anakin was still there, still believed in the man you had once known, the man you had spent every day loving.

“You are loyal to a dead man.” He told you finally and you felt your eyes close, desperately trying to think of a way to push through the Darkness. “It makes you weak.”

“Lucky for me then because the man I believe in isn’t dead, I know it. The man who held me when my Master was killed, the man who snuck me out of the Temple in the middle of the night because I wanted to see the celebrations, the man who took more beatings and hits than he needed to just so I didn’t get hurt, the man who helped me see the Light when everything seemed so dark during the war. That is the man I believe in and that is the man I know to be alive, to be within you no matter how deeply you have tried to bury him.” You told him, voice shaking and tears filling your eyes but you forced them back, not letting them fall.

This wasn’t about you, this was about bringing Anakin back.

“You can’t tell me this is the life you wanted Anakin. You’re nothing more than Palpatine’s weapon, he ripped everything from you; Padmé, your child, Obi-Wan and me. And for what, Anakin? What did you get out of it that was worth losing everyone?” You keep your voice soft, watching as his fist clenched at his side and you wished so badly you could see his face.

“None of that matters now.” Vader said after a moment of silence and you hated how you couldn’t hear his real voice, how his emotions were hidden through the helmet, robotic and stoic and not giving away anything. “The man you knew is gone, accept it and give up your weak and foolish hope of his return.”

You shook your head, refusing to do as he said. No matter what happened on this ship, even if he killed you, you would die knowing that Anakin was still in there, that one day, maybe not any time soon, Anakin would break through the Darkness surrounding him. Maybe he would break through himself, maybe he would eventually find Obi-Wan hidden away on Tatooine and Obi-Wan would be the one to break through. It didn’t matter how it happened, all that mattered was that you truly believed it would.

“I will never give up hope for Anakin Skywalker.” You told him, standing straighter and looking at the helmet, his anger and annoyance clear even without the Force helping up and the helmet covering him.

“Enough.” He said, using the Force to lift you off the ground again back still pressed against the wall. “I have grown tired of listening to you talk about a dead man, your pathetic attachment to him makes you weak. You could have joined me, Y/N, you could have joined me. Instead you keep your loyalties to a man long dead and a man who will die at my hands.”

Even though you’d been through worse pain, worse torture, suddenly this felt like the most painful thing you had ever experience, the worst kind of pain imaginable, a type of pain that made you cold and empty inside. There was no fear but something shifted around the two of you and you could practically see the thick Darkness clinging to Anakin.

You knew he was so far into it, knew the chances of you leaving this alive were slim to none and yet somehow you weren’t scared. The thing you felt most was your absolute heartbreak as you faced what had become of the man you loved but you knew he’d come back.

He had to.

“You have tested my patience long enough,” He snarled, stepping closer until there was no distance between you. “Now, you will tell me where Kenobi is!”

As he spoke he raised his hand, stopping you from taking breaths and you could feel his phantom grip tightening on you with each second. You stared at him, stared into the helmet that hid his face from you and knew you were going to die but you were not going to die betraying Obi-Wan or Anakin’s children.

“Anakin,” You choked out, voice a broken whisper as you felt yourself getting lightheaded, “I know you’re still in there, I know you can hear me even if you’re not ready to right now.” It was hard to speak, throat closed up and his grip only got tighter with your words. “I know this isn’t you, it can’t be, not after everything. You will find your way back one day, I know you will and you have to know, even with whatever happens today, I never gave up on you.” Your vision was going bleary as you forced yourself to stay conscious. “I love you, Anakin Skywalker, always have, always believed in you.”

Your words were barely audible at the end, his grip on your throat too tight to breath by now and the last thing you saw before your vision blacked out was the helmet of Vader, emotionless and betraying nothing as you choked out something unintelligible before letting your eyes fall closed.

Vader let go of you, let your body fall to the ground. He walked away, desperately trying to ignore the feeling deep inside of him, buried under a mountain of Darkness, that felt guilty, felt heartbroken and angry. Your final words were a declaration of love, a promise that you had always believed in him.

He stormed out of the room, fists clenched at his side as he forced down that part of him, the part that was Anakin Skywalker, no matter how much he denied it. You had been right, not that he would ever admit it but Anakin Skywalker had always been there, a weakness to Vader. He had thought he had destroyed every bit of Anakin Skywalker, thought he had rid himself of such a weakness but then you had come along and reignited the tiny bit of Light in him that he had never been able to kill.

But now you were dead and there was nobody left in the whole galaxy that believed in him. You were dead by his hands and even though your dying words would never leave Vader’s mind, no matter how much he tried to forget them, there was no hope left in the galaxy for him.

That hope had lived and died with you.

________

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In Another Life

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Prompts - anon - ‘I can’t help but wonder if I told you sooner, would I be where she is now?'

If somebody were to ask James Potter what Y/F/N Y/LN was to him he would have smiled, it would have been a smile that spread across his whole face, a smile that made his eyes light up and he would have told whoever had asked him that Y/F/N Y/L/N was one of his best friends, his family. He would gladly take any chance he could get to talk about you, the same way he did with Sirius, with Remus and Peter too. 

If somebody were to ask you what James Potter was to you it would have been an entirely different reaction, if the person was looking close enough. To some people they would see a smile that seemed sincere enough, would hear you say he was your best friend but other people, if they looked deeper would see a completely different reaction. Sure they would still see a smile but they would notice that it didn’t quite meet your eyes, that it seemed strained, almost shaky. Of course they would hear you say that James Potter was your best friend but they would also hear the sadness behind those words, the longing. Whereas James could talk about you for hours, you would move the conversation on as quickly as you could.

You and James had made fast friends after both being sorted into Gryffindor and after spending seven years together, practically joined at the hip, it wasn't a surprise when you found yourself having romantic feelings for him. It must have been around fourth or fifth year when you realised you fancied him, around the same time everyone else your age was starting to actually like the idea of having a relationship…around the same time James Potter realised he liked Lily Evans.

You watched as he pursued her, watched as childish pranks turned into mature and serious displays of affection that eventually won the girl over. You watched as every moment of their relationship played out before your very eyes. You were the one James turned to when it came to wanting an opinion on important dates, on gifts and you smiled, each time you forced a smile onto your face and shoved your feelings down and helped him whenever he asked.

The moment that broke your heart the most though was when James showed up at your door one afternoon, you remembered it clear as day. He had looked nervous, more nervous than you’d seen him in a long time, and you had immediately invited him in, the two of you taking a seat on the couch. 

“What’s wrong?” You had asked him, watching as he smoothed his palms against his thighs before taking a breath and moving one hand to pull something out of his pocket. 

You physically felt your heart shatter as he opened a black box and presented a ring. It was a beautiful ring and you hated it. 

“What do you think?” James had asked after a few moments of silence passed between you. 

You blinked back the tears, refusing to cry in front of him, and instead forced another smile and looked from the ring to him before nodding, telling him it was perfect. That seemed to be the thing to relax him and a grin spread across his face as he started talking about how he was going to ask her out and all you could do was smile.

With the threat of the war hanging over everyone in the wizarding world, James and Lily decided to marry quickly after the engagement. Nothing extravagant, family and friends gathered together to witness the couple's marriage and you found yourself in line surrounded by other guests, making your way into the venue.

“Bride or groom?” A wizard at the door asked you and all you could do was stare at him for a moment. 

Despite being in love with James Potter you did actually like Lily, she was your friend and it only made your feelings all the more worse. Such formalities seemed strange when you knew them both so well.

“Bride or groom, miss?” The wizard asked you again and you shook your head.

“Sorry, um, groom.” You said in a small voice, stomach in knots as it felt like you were about to step into some sort of nightmare, perhaps you were already in one. The wizard smiled, pointing you in the direction of the groom's side of the room.

You had always known there was no chance of a relationship between you and James, not when he looked at Lily like he did but there was a part of you, a part of you that you hated, that had hoped for…something.

James Potter would always be your almost, the one that was meant to be but never could.

With a deep and shaky breath you smiled at the wizard and forced your feet to move. Once you were in the room your eyes immediately locked onto James. He looked handsome, of course he did, standing at the front of the room, talking with Sirius with a nervous but excited look on his face.

You felt your forced smile soften into something real because despite everything you really were happy for him. He was so in love with a girl who loved him as deeply as he did, he had found happiness even with everything going on. As much as you wished he had found that with you, you were happy for him. 

Despite being happy for him though you really couldn’t wait for this day to end.

It wasn’t long before everyone was seated and the quiet murmurs of conversation stopped as music filled the room and the guests rose from their seats. You stood and turned to the back of the room, breath catching as you saw Lily in the doorway. 

She looked beautiful. 

The dress she wore was gorgeous, hugging her waist and flowing out around her feet, a train following behind her as she walked the length of the aisle, holding a bouquet of flowers and a bright smile on her face that almost looked painful.

Tears welled up in your eyes and you desperately tried to fight them back as you took a shaky breath. It was real before, it had been real from the moment James had shown you the ring but now, watching her, you couldn’t help but wonder how different things could have been. How if you had told James how you had felt all those years ago things might be different. If you had told him would that be you walking down the aisle with a real smile on your face as opposed to the fake one you had worn for years?

Lily Evans really did make a beautiful bride and stood next to James, the pair of them so obviously in love with each other, you couldn’t help but finally let a few tears fall, choking back a sob as they said their ‘I do’s’.

You’d managed to stay to yourself after the ceremony, the party taking place at the Potter’s, which had been decorated as beautifully as everything else surrounding the wedding. Thankfully, James was so busy mingling with guests you had gotten away with isolating yourself, standing to the side of the garden with a drink in your hand trying not to look at the happy couple.

You had tried for years to push your feelings down, to accept that nothing would come from them and that they would only damage your friendship with James. Logically you knew all of that but emotionally you just couldn’t let go. James was one of the few good things in your life, the few solid things that you could always count on and it hurt, it hurt watching them together no matter how irrational it was.

You’d lost track of how many times you’d fought back tears today, cursing yourself as your eyes started stinging against and scrunched them shut as tightly as you could, effectively shutting out the rest of the guests and missing the way James spotted you from the other side of the garden and excused himself from the conversation he was having to make his way over to you, a frown on his face as he stepped closer.

“Hey,” He said softly, knocking his shoulder against yours gently and not missing the way you jumped.

“Hey.” You replied just as quietly, hoping that there was no proof of the fact you were on the verge of tears.

“Why are you over here?” He asked, keeping his voice at the same level, if you were closer to the party you would have struggled to hear each other but this far away it was fine.

You stayed silent for a few moments, taking a breath and forcing another smile on your face before turning to face him.

“Needed a minute,” You finally said and watched as his concerned look seemed to deepen, “How’s married life?” You asked to distract him, pointedly ignoring the pain in your chest at both the topic and the laugh James gave.

“Merlin, if you’d have told me how much talking I’d have to do I might’ve reconsidered the whole thing.” You let yourself chuckle along with him, hoping that it sounded convincing.

“I’m happy for you.” You told him and watched as his chuckle faded into a soft smile. Unable to stop yourself, you leaned your head down so it was resting against his shoulder and James didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around you, letting his head rest on your head, placing a soft kiss to your hair.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my whole life, Y/N/N,” He told you and you could hear the sincerity in his tone, his voice almost a whisper as he spoke, “I just keep thinking, how did I get so lucky, you know? I found my soulmate and I got to marry her, how often does that happen?”

What a question, how often does somebody meet their soulmate and it actually works out for them? You could answer that, you could tell him that people rarely got that lucky and instead would spend the rest of their lives in love with somebody who they could never have, you could tell him that the ache in their chest should get easier to live with but it didn’t, it never would.

You pulled away from James, feeling a new set of tears well up, or maybe they were the same tears, either way you pulled away from him.

“You sure you’re alright?” James asked again, noticing the wetness in your eyes but you just nodded, lips thinning into a smile before you took a breath.

“Congratulations James.” You whispered and turned away from him, making your way across the garden and into the house, missing James’ frown.

You found yourself locked in the toilet, this time you were unable to stop the tears from falling down your face uncontrollably, your back pressed to the door and a hand over your mouth in a weak attempt to muffle any sobs that escaped. 

You knew you had to get back up, knew you had to go back out there and you knew, above all, you had to move on. You knew you could do the first two even if it would take everything in you to go back out but the third one, you knew it was impossible.

You would spend the rest of your life in love with a man you could never have.

Eventually you forced yourself up and splashed some water on your face, trying to get rid of any traces of tears before you left the room and headed back outside…just in time for the first dance.

Sirius spotted you and smiled softly, gesturing for you to join him as he stood with the guests to the side to watch the dance. Music filled the air and the couple started to move beautifully together just as you reached Sirius.

Sirius didn’t say anything, he didn’t take his eyes off of Lily and James but he did wrap his arm around your shoulder and pull you into his chest. The two of you had never spoken about it but you knew he knew. 

You didn’t dwell on the thought though, didn’t care how pathetic you seemed to Sirius, you just kept watching the scene in front of you and couldn’t help but picture yourself in Lily’s place, an unfair thought but one that appeared anyway.

Maybe in some other world you were with James, maybe you were looking lovingly into his eyes whilst he held you close and whispered things that made you giggle. Maybe all these people were watching you and him move around elegantly to the music and maybe somebody else was standing to the side wishing they were you. 

Maybe you were by his side in another life.

But this was the life you had, a life where the man you loved had married another girl, a life where you hadn’t even gotten a chance with him, a life where your days were numbered due to the war and a life where you would never, ever be able to stop loving James Potter.

______

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I've Been Waiting For You

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Angstember Prompt - “Don't look"

It seemed like a lifetime ago you were in an entirely different place, despite the repetitiveness of the days each of them was still different enough that you held your breath every morning when one of the many men watching the growing group of people came in. All different types of people were being held, men, women, girls, and boys of all ages. 

You knew that the day was guaranteed to have some sort of pain, at least one moment but usually more than a handful where you just wanted to curl in a ball and cry. The days were long and the nights even longer, when you finally did have a moment’s peace it was spent on edge, silently begging somebody to come and rescue you, begging for anybody to save you.

One day things changed, it started out much the same as any other day with one of the men barging into the room but instead of yelling for you all to get ready he walked further into the room, two other men following close behind, and made his way to you. The smirk on his face had your stomach churning and you knew something worse was coming.

You hardly put up a fight as your wrists were bound together behind your back, how could you when they hardly fed you? The small bit of food you did get was shared with the younger children, the look of hunger and fright on their faces managed to get you to shove your own hunger down. 

From there you were led out of the room, scared eyes watching your every step until everything went dark as a blindfold was placed over your eyes. You felt your breathing quicken, tears filled your eyes but you scrunched them shut tightly to prevent them from falling, knowing that whatever was about to happen would only be ten times worse if they saw you crying. 

You didn’t know what was to come but you did know that when somebody was taken from the big room you were all forced into they never came back. Screaming could usually be heard once they were taken and everybody assumed the worst from that point.

It wasn’t until you felt the cold air that you paused, the man behind you shoving you forward causing you to stumble over your feet before you righted yourself and continued on. You couldn’t remember the last time you had actually been outside, for so long you had been trapped within the walls of wherever they were holding you and despite your desperate, silent pleas to be rescued you had long since given up hope of it ever actually happening.

You forced a sob that threatened to escape your throat down, knowing that you weren’t actually free, in fact it was probably the opposite. You felt yourself get grabbed by the man behind you, his large hand wrapping around your bicep as he stopped you only to shove you into a car seconds later. You were forced between two of the men that had led you out whilst the other drove, no words being spoken the entire journey as you tried to prepare yourself to die.

You couldn’t say how long the car ride lasted, the blindfold that was still tightly in place prevented you from even taking a guess at what time it was. It seemed to take forever though before the car pulled to a stop and the doors were being opened. 

The man to your right shoved you out of the car, you had almost fallen to the ground if not for one of them catching you by the arm again. He dragged you along with him, the air around you felt colder now so you assumed at least a good few hours had passed since you’d gotten in the car.

You tried to steady your breathing but found it was too difficult, your breath coming out in fast bursts that ached your chest. You flinched as a loud knock filled the silence, the sound of a heavy door opening coming a moment later.

The air in the room was almost suffocating compared to the cold outside but it finally forced a deep breath out of you. Music could be heard alongside several different conversations that you couldn’t make out and the smell of cigarettes and alcohol filled the room. 

You were dragged through the room, walking until you were forced to stop and the blindfold was ripped from you. Despite the darkness of the room you still had to blink hard to adjust to it, low lights that barely lit the room up but did well enough of a job that you saw a group of men all sat around a table, half-drunk glasses scattered in front of them and they all had their attention on you. Hungry eyes darting up and down your figure as you resisted the urge to shudder.

“You always do bring such beauties for me.” A man at the head of the table grinned and you just about suppressed a grimace at the expression. 

“Boss said she’s all yours, payment for the ammo.” One of the men behind you said and this time you couldn’t hide your reaction, it was only a widening of your eyes but you knew the man at the table had seen it as his grin widened wickedly.

“A pretty payment indeed.” He replied, his eyes having yet to leave you even as he waved a dismissive hand to the two men who had escorted you in. 

Once the men had gone the man at the table stood and you forced yourself to stand still as he approached you, his hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before his fingers grazed your cheek.

When he flicked a blade in front of you, however, that’s when you couldn’t hide your flinch, the blade coming closer towards you had you fighting to stay still.

“Relax gorgeous,” He murmured softly, the blade cutting away the rope restraints on your wrists and the man brushing his thumb over the raw skin. “I’ll take real good care of you.”

Months passed much the same as they always had except this time instead of answering to the group of men who had originally taken you, you now answer to Julian. He treated you just as poorly as the others had, fed you just as little though thankfully you didn’t have to share with anybody. You had long since given up on your silent prayers of rescue, came to the realisation nobody was coming, that this was your life now.

Every night without fail you went to bed sore and with tears falling down your face unsure of just how much more of this you could take.

Bruises seemed to cover most of your body, a brutal beating from Julian after a rival gang had betrayed him. You were left curled up, unable and unwilling to move. Months and months of constant beatings and you couldn’t do it anymore. 

You stayed where you were for a while, probably would have stayed there even longer had you not flinched into a sitting position, every part of you aching and protesting the move but the reaction was automatic when hearing a gunshot, the shooter seemed to keep his finger on the trigger for a while as it didn’t pause, it just continued shooting.

Julian ran into the room, pale faced with sweat pooling on his forehead as he looked at you with wide eyes. You didn’t have time to react, before you knew it the man was yanking you up and placing you in front of him as he backed out of the room, his gun stretched in front of him to your right, visible to you as you looked at it in fear, knowing that with one wrong move and the man wouldn’t hesitate to take your life.

Eventually Julian made it to the safe room, it was only small, the doorway disguised so that it couldn’t be found in a situation like this. Julian kept you in front of him, kept his gun raised and the only sound to be heard was his heavy breathing as you tried to stay as silent as possible even with the tears making their way down your face, mixing with the dried blood that had poured from cuts made by his rings earlier. 

The silence seemed to last for hours, tension heavy in the air as the sound of gunshots finally stopped. It was so silent that the sound of heavy boots outside in the hallway could clearly be heard from behind the safe room door, Julian's grip on your arm was painfully tight as he held you in place. You weren’t exactly sure what his plan was, he had made a lot of enemies with other gang members in the time you had known him and not one of them would hesitate to kill you to get to him, all he was doing was buying himself maybe a few more seconds.

The door opened and your eyes widened at the man before you, two guns were held in his hands as he filled the doorway, the light behind him making him look even more dangerous though you supposed the blood covering him also helped with that image. 

The man didn’t move, just stood before the two of you and you felt Julian’s fingers digging into your skin somehow even tighter than they already had been, you were close enough to feel him shaking as he shot his own gun.

You flinched at the deafening noise right next to your ear, tears flowing faster down your face because despite the fact you knew the man wouldn’t keep you alive if it meant killing Julian there was some part of you, some small part that you thought had died a long time ago, that hoped the man would help you get away from this gang, from Julian, but Julian had ruined it.

Your eyes fell shut, not wanting to watch as the man who could have changed your life was killed.

Instead though you heard the sound of the other man’s gun, one single shot came from him before you felt Julian slump forward against your back. You hadn’t even fully registered what had happened, barely felt his weight before you were being pulled away from Julian. The stranger moved the guns to rest on his back as one arm wrapped around your shoulder and the other guided your head to his chest, holding you against him so you couldn’t move.

“Don’t look,” He murmured to you when you tried to pull away to look into the safe room, “He can’t hurt you anymore, I promise.”

With those words you began to sob, for the first time in years you didn’t try to suppress the noise, you just let them out as the man guided you from the building, never once letting go of you. 

By the time you got to the man's van your sobs had calmed into sniffles and shaky breaths even as the tears continued to flow down your cheeks, the man held the door open for you and you climbed in despite your reluctance to let go of him. The man gave you a soft smile, a stark contrast to how he had looked before in the doorway, taking his jacket off and wrapping it around you before shutting the door gently and making his way over to the driver's side.

The journey was silent, you didn’t know where the man was taking you but you didn’t care. It felt easy to trust the man, maybe trust wasn’t the right word but you certainly didn’t think he was a part of another gang. You had met many gang members and none of them had ever been quite as gentle with you.

Eventually the two of you pulled up to an apartment complex and Frank was the first to get out, you sat in your seat staring up at the building unable to remember a time when you yourself had lived in a crappy run down building with family members you couldn’t quite recall. 

You jumped slightly when the man opened the door for you, you knew he had seen it but didn’t comment on it, instead he gave you a small smile and held a hand out for you which you took gratefully. It was slightly overwhelming walking into the building, even more so walking into the man’s apartment and being greeted by an excited dog jumping up at you.

You couldn’t help but flinch as it did, your experience with dogs was limited but the gang had some that they used to scare people and it worked, the dogs weren’t afraid to attack when commanded though you did feel awful for them once you saw exactly how the members trained them to do it.

“Down,” The man commanded, not having to raise his voice or lift his fist to get the dog to listen and you watched in slight awe as the dog whined but did as his owner told him before trotting off to a dog bed in the living room. “He’s a big softie really.” The man told you and you couldn’t help the small, barely there smile that pulled at your lips, something that hadn’t happened in a long time, as the man shot his dog a soft look before turning his attention to you just in time to watch you shiver slightly.

“I’ll get you some clothes,” The man told you, gesturing for you to follow him into a bedroom.

You stood in the doorway, arms wrapping around yourself to fight against the chill. You were glad for the man's jacket covering your less than clothed body. The lack of clothing was something you had long since grown used to, not having been allowed to wear proper clothing since you were taken and you couldn’t but feel excited at the chance to wear some, to actually be warm and covered for the first time in years. 

“They’ll be a bit big but they’ll do,” he said as he handed you some clothing, “Come out when you’re ready.” 

He waited until you gave him a nod before he left the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. You could only stare down at the clothing in your hands for a few moments, brushing your hands along them and feeling how soft they were.

You eventually managed to move again, peeling off the jacket and the little clothing you had before changing into the man’s clothes, blinking against the sudden wave of tears that filled your eyes again, completely overwhelmed at everything around you, at the fact that you were finally free from the men who had taken you, free from Julian and his men.

Once you were done you opened the door, your old clothes bundled in your hands as you looked around and spotted Frank in the kitchen, two steaming bowls in front of him. 

“Give me them,” he said, reaching to take the old clothes from you and not even hesitating to throw them in the trash much to your amusement and you couldn’t stop the small giggle that left your lips, the man’s face lighting up at the sound. “Sit down, got some soup for you, eat as much as you want.”

The two of you sat at the small table, knees brushing against each other as you picked the spoon up and brought it to your lips. Despite it being such a plain meal to most, to you it was the best thing you had tasted. It warmed you from the inside and you couldn’t stop yourself from scooping more into your mouth.

The man ate his own soup at a much slower pace, watching you with amused eyes though a sympathetic smile played on his lips. So many questions flooded his head, how long had you been with Julian’s gang, how long had you been beaten and starved, when had you been taken, were there more of you?

He waited until you had finished, until you had declined another bowl before he broke the peaceful silence that had settled between you as you ate. 

“You got anywhere to go kid? Any family?” He asked gently, not wanting to upset you but if there was somebody out there for you he’d make it his goal to get you back to them.

You shook your head, looking away from him as you did. Obviously you were sad about your family but over the years you had sort of forgotten things about them, you knew the basics, remembered how many people made up your family but forgot what they looked like, forgot exactly where you had lived with them. You were so young when you were taken the few memories you did have were quickly replaced with ones from the first place you had stayed immediately after being taken. 

This life was the only one you truly knew and that was terrifying.

“That’s alright,” Frank told you softly, causing you to look up at him with wide eyes, watching as he reached over slowly and took your hands in one of his to stop you from nervously picking at the skin. “You can stay here.”

“Thank you,” You told him, voice breaking as tears filled your eyes again and several managed to trickle down your cheek, “Thank you for saving me.” 

Frank smiled at you as he leaned over to raise his hand that wasn’t holding yours up, keeping his movements nice and slow so you could see exactly what he was doing. He gently brushed the few tears that trailed down your cheek away, smile widening as you leaned into the touch as he thought about how long it had been since somebody touched you without bad intentions. 

Frank swore in that moment he would never let anybody hurt you again and the people that had already done so were next on his list. He was going to make sure every single one of them paid the price for what they had done to you.

______

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Your Jedi

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Angstember Prompt -  "I thought I might find you here."

When you and Anakin first met you were nothing more than the Senator’s daughter. You knew one day you would have to take your family’s seat in the Senate and dreaded when such a day would arrive. Anakin had heard you complain about it on several occasions, watching you rant as he smiled over at your pacing figure. It never took long for you to calm down once you saw his smile and often ended with you flopping down next to him, your head on his shoulder.

Anakin had been a good friend, brought to your side after several attempts on your life. At first you had resented the Jedi guarding you, insisting it wasn’t necessary but then you had met him, one easy smile was all it took to silence your complaints. 

From there the two of you became fast friends, Anakin taking your protection seriously but he wasn’t stifling like the other bodyguards were. With Anakin he was more than happy to sneak out of your house, more than happy to explore the planet with you so long as you stayed by his side. It wasn’t a shock when you found yourself catching feelings for the young Jedi, you saw him every day and he was always more than kind to you. He treated you like an actual person, somebody who could be joked around with rather than a political ally. 

Even though he treated you normally, he made you feel special. It was in the little things he did, whether it was remembering your order from the little Twi’lek run bakery or knowing when you needed to get away from the palace and getting you out as quickly and discreetly as possible, taking your hand in his and leading you down to the lake on the grounds, the two of you sitting there for hours talking about nothing and everything. 

You let yourself fall further and further in love with the young man even though you knew it would only break your heart. Jedi weren’t allowed to date, they couldn’t form attachments or love others as you wished Anakin could love you. It didn’t matter to you though, you didn’t need Anakin to love you, so long as you had him at your side you could be content with what you had. 

Of course sometimes Anakin was pulled away from you when he was needed for a bigger mission but he always came back and you were always waiting for him. 

There was one particular mission that changed everything for the both of you. 

Anakin hadn’t been able to tell you anything about this mission, not because he wasn’t allowed, which he definitely wasn’t but that never stopped him, but because Obi-Wan commed him in the middle of the night demanding he meet him on another planet and to be prepared for anything. 

You had woken up to Anakin bursting through your door, frantically throwing his robe on and attaching the hilt of his lightsaber to his hip as he explained to you he had to go and would be back soon. 

In his hurried state he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead that had you feeling heat in your cheeks before he left, smiling over his shoulder at you as you called a ‘may the Force be with you’ after him. 

From there, there had been nothing but silence from Anakin for a month and a half. Luckily though you were the daughter of a Senator and if you wanted information it usually wasn’t too hard to get. However, information surrounding the Jedi mission seemed to be on a need to know basis and none of your usual contacts could tell you anything. It didn’t matter though, you had gotten quite used to listening in on conversations, blending into your surroundings so people forgot you were there. 

Anakin and Obi-Wan had been sent on a mission undercover it seemed, from what little you were able to pick up on. Apparently it hadn’t gone well and the man they had been sent for had figured out who they were. 

You took that to mean the worst and after hearing somebody say the Council was worried that they had had no contact with either Jedi your stomach turned sick. It was the longest you had been away from Anakin where you weren’t also able to talk to him and your fear only got worse as the days went by. 

You became more closed off, more and more snappish with people who tried to get you to do your duties. More than once you’d stormed from rooms, uncaring about the scandalised looks, important figures shot you and the embarrassed ones coming from your parents. You barely slept, kept awake at night by terrible dreams of all the things that could be happening to Anakin. You wished more than ever that you had a connection to the Force, wished to have a solid connection in your mind to Anakin like he shared with Obi-Wan so he could tell you where he was, so you could save him like he had saved you more times than you could count. 

You hated feeling so useless, hated that Anakin was out there, trapped on some planet you didn’t even know the name of, with no idea what was happening to him. The only people who knew the full details seemed to be the Jedi Council and they weren’t exactly going to give you any information, no matter how important your parents were. 

More days passed and you were forced into a meeting room, forced to sit in on a Senate meeting between your parents and other Senators from four different planets, you hardly bothered to remember their names. You had no idea what was being discussed, paid no attention and didn’t bother to feign like you were. It didn’t go unnoticed but you missed the looks of disdain from the Senators and the disapproving looks from your parents.

“You will work alongside these people one day,” your father told you once the other Senators left, turning straight to you with a shake of his head. “You have to earn their respect and this attitude is not going to do that. It makes you look like a petulant child. I know you’re worried for your Jedi but that is no excuse for such behaviour.”

You rolled your eyes at his words but couldn’t stop the warm feeling in your chest. Anakin was your Jedi and you had no idea what you would do if he didn't come home to you.

Around the two month mark you were a mess. There wasn't a better word for how you were feeling. With every night that passed the nightmares that plagued you grew worse to the point where you were now on day four of having no sleep. You could barely bring yourself to eat, sick with worry for your Jedi and even the thought of food had your stomach churning. 

One night you woke up panting, sweat pooled on your head as you shot up and clutched the bedsheets. It took you longer than usual to calm down enough that you could breathe properly though your breath still came out shakily.

Unable to sit in your room, you forced yourself out of bed, needing a moment to fight against the shakiness you felt before you slipped into a pair of shoes and threw a robe over yourself. 

Making your way out of the palace was easy enough and without a real destination in mind you found yourself walking the grounds aimlessly, the cold air doing you a world of good. Without meaning to your feet carried you down to the river, body seemingly on autopilot as you were taken to the spot Anakin had found for the two of you long ago. 

It was far enough from the palace that it couldn’t be seen, a giant tree decorated with pink and purple flowers provided shelter from the sun and from anyone who might be nearby. 

It was a beautiful place, one that never failed to calm you. It did the job tonight even if being here sent an ache to your heart. Since discovering this place you had never come here without Anakin and it felt strange to do so now but it also brought you a sense of calm, like you could feel Anakin all around you. 

You wished for his safe return every minute of the day, prayed that the Council would find them and bring Anakin home. Your heart ached for him, your mind filled with words that you had never let yourself speak for fear of him leaving, now wishing he was here to hear every word of it. 

He might not have been able to return your feelings but at least he would know how you felt, he would be able to find peace and warmth in the knowledge that you loved him more than anything in the galaxy, that no matter what you would always be waiting for him. 

Your mind wandered far enough off that you became unaware of your surroundings, unaware of the sun beginning to rise and of the leaves crunching from not far behind you. 

“I thought I might find you here.” A familiar voice, one you had missed for weeks, for months said, causing you to whip your head around so fast it hurt. 

You didn’t say anything for a moment, frozen in place and only able to stare as if it were a ghost before you rather than the Jedi that had come to be yours. 

“Anakin?” You finally managed to force out, voice breaking as tears filled your eyes. 

You were on your feet in a matter of seconds, running straight at Anakin with no warning but it didn’t matter, the Jedi was ready to catch you, arms already open for you. The second you were in his arms, crashing into him so hard he had to take a few steps back just to keep the two of you up, Anakin wrapped you up tightly holding you close to his chest.

You held him back, hands fisting the robes he wore as you buried your face in his chest, tears flowing uncontrollably down your cheeks as you sobbed into him. One of Anakin’s hands shifted to tangle into your hair, holding your head close to him as his other rubbed circles into your back, tears filling his own eyes and some trickling down his cheeks.

“Anakin.” Was all you were able to sob out and Anakin softly shushed you, pressing his lips to the top of your head and letting them rest there, not pulling away from you.

“It’s alright sweetheart, I’m here, I’m back.” Anakin murmured into your hair and you grip tightened on his robes as another sob left you, Anakin continuing to whisper soft reassurances until your sobs finally turned into sniffles and gasps for breath.

“I was so scared.” You whispered into his chest and had you not literally been wrapped around each other he would have missed the words. “I was terrified of what had happened to you.” 

“Look at me,” He said, pulling back only far enough so that he could rest his forehead on yours, the hand in your hair moving to cup your cheek. “I’m ok. I’m so sorry, it was supposed to be an easy mission and then, well everything went as badly as it could but I’m ok, me and Obi-Wan got away and the Council got us out.

Your own hand came up to cup his cheek, your thumb running along his cheekbone as you listened to him speak. Two months he had been captured for, two months he had gone through things that would haunt him for a long time if that look in his eyes told you anything. 

Two months of not knowing, of being sick with worry, all vanished as you looked at him. He was a little skinnier than the last time you had seen him, cheekbones more prominent and he had dark circles under his eyes. There were a few cuts on his face, a bruise you could see fading on his wrist and he looked exhausted.

Even with the exhaustion on his face you could still see how relieved he was, relieved to finally be rescued, to be home, to be with you. For two months his thoughts stayed on you, through every beating and interrogation, through every hit and burn his thoughts stayed on you, on making sure he got out of this so he could see you again, so he could hold you in his arms and never let you go.

To finally be here, to finally have you in his arms, to have you this close to him, to feel your shaky breaths on his face made everything better. It made the pain he still felt more bearable. It was all he had thought about, there were times when he truly thought him and Obi-Wan were going to die, that by the time help came for them they would be long gone. Even when he felt his hope slipping his thoughts still went back to you, of how you would react to hearing the news. Nobody would think to tell you first, to give you warning. As far as the Council was concerned you were nothing more than a mission to him, an order to keep the Senator’s daughter safe because she was an easy target and had absolutely no concern for her own safety. 

And of course that was all you had started out as, a mission for him, a task to keep you alive. It was a mission that if the Council knew just what it had caused, knew the feelings it stirred within Anakin’s mind and heart, they would have regretted it. They spoke so much about how Jedi should not form attachments, how love would lead them to the Dark Side and then forced him onto a mission he hadn’t wanted where he had met the girl of his dreams.

Anakin loved you, more deeply than he had loved anything in his entire life. He could see why the Jedi could think it was a bad thing, all the love he felt for you was overwhelming at times. He knew he would do anything to keep you safe, anything you asked of him without a moment's hesitation. You held so much power over him, power you didn’t even know you held and yet Anakin wasn’t scared, he didn’t think he’d ever be tempted to the Dark Side because of the love he felt for you. If anything, the way you had him wrapped around your little finger and the love he felt was enough to keep him Light Side forever, he would never fall because he knew that wasn’t a path you could follow. You were the best person he knew and he would do anything to be the best person in your life.

Anakin couldn’t help himself, after two months of being tortured alongside Obi-Wan, forced to listen to his Master in pain, forced to spend two months away from you, Anakin was a weak man. He had kept himself back for years, told himself it was not the Jedi way to form attachments but who was Anakin kidding? He knew he felt more deeply than most of the Jedi and for years now he knew he was too attached to you to even begin breaking the string tying you together, the two of you so entwined it would be an impossible task.

Without warning, without hesitation Anakin leaned down. There was hardly any distance between the two of you anyway, foreheads pressed together as you breathed each other's air. He barely had to tilt his head before his lips were brushing against yours, it was a soft touching of lips and yet it created so much electricity between the two of you.

Anakin waited for a reaction before he deepened the kiss but he didn’t get a chance as you pulled him closer, seemingly waiting for his lips against yours for as long as he had been. Once you pulled him close, lips slotting against each other the energy shifted instantly. Gone was the soft, barely there touch of lips and in its place was desperation, longing, fear, relief, too many emotions to name crammed into one messy kiss. 

Anakin’s hands cupped your face, pulling you impossibly closer as your hands moved to his chest, gripping the fabric in your hands as you savoured everything about the kiss, the way his were slightly chapped against your own, the way his hands felt on your face and the way the sparks seemed to fly.

Anakin, unlike you, could feel the Force around the two of you, practically singing in happiness as you kissed each other until you were breathless and then some, only pulling away when the need for air truly became too much. The two of you stayed close though, bringing your foreheads back together and panting as you caught your breath.

“I should get captured more often.” Anakin murmured playfully, smiling down at you and laughing as you pulled away from him, just far enough so you could slap his chest before cuddling back into him.

Anakin smiled into your hair, settling your head under his chin as he held you close, more than content to enjoy this moment. 

“You ever do anything like that again-” You started but Anakin cut you off with a soft laugh and a kiss to your hair.

“Trust me, I don’t plan to ever be away from you for that long again. I don’t know what was worse the torture or not seeing your beautiful smile for two months. Stars, I nearly told them what they wanted to know just to see you again.” Anakin told you, grinning at you as you pulled your head back to look up at him, rolling your eyes at his words but not denying him of the smile that spread across your lips.

“I’m glad you’re home.” You told him softly and his grin faded into a smile as he kissed your forehead and held you to his chest.

The Jedi temple had never truly been his home, he used to think his small hut back on Tatooine was his true home but standing here with you, in your spot by the lake, sun rising and casting a soft orange glow across the planet, he knew in his heart this was his home.

Not the planet, not the beautifully rich palace behind him but the girl in his arms. You were his home, you would always be his home and you would forever have his heart. It was yours to hold, yours to cherish and yours to break. 

If it were anyone else before him he might have been terrified at the thought but because it was you it didn’t even cross his mind to be scared of what was to come. He trusted you with his life, with his heart, with everything. He knew you were the one for him, you were his love and he would do everything he could to keep you and the love between you safe.

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I See You In My Dreams

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Requsted - Yes, @pokey-hedgehog, I'm so sorry this took so long, hope you enjoy it🤎

Prompts -  Forehead kiss, sleepy hug, "I had a nightmare about you and I wanted to make sure you were okay." & "It'll be alright, it was just a nightmare."

You shot upright in your bed, head spinning at the speed in which you’d shifted from laying down to sitting up. The bedsheets moved with you, falling from your chest to gather around your waist as your fingers buried themselves into the fabric. You could hear the sound of your heart hammering in your chest, the sound seemingly echoing around the whole room and your breaths came out in quick little pants that made you even dizzier.

You knew it had been a nightmare, it was one version of the same nightmare you’d been having for months now, each time it ended the same way even if the events leading up to the outcome differed.

Usually you were able to calm down, able to control your breathing and ground yourself with reality. Usually waking up after this nightmare had you lying awake for an hour or so before you finally drifted off again but tonight was different.

Tonight your brain refused to cooperate with the rational side of things, the side that told you Frank was in the room right next to yours, alive and breathing. Logically you knew he was safe but there was a pit in your stomach, anxiety spreading through your whole body as flashes of Frank’s dead body filled your mind and tears began to fall down your cheeks.

Ever since Frank had unintentionally saved you from the gang you had been sold to years ago you had been in his care, no family to speak of and nowhere to call home. You knew at first Frank hadn’t expected you to live with him but after a few months he had confessed to you one night that he didn’t want you to leave, that you always had a space here, had a place that was home. 

Before he had told you that you were still keeping yourself closed off from the man, of course you soaked up his kind touches and soft words, things you hadn’t experienced in as long as you could remember, but you also didn’t want to get too attached, knowing the man would want you gone as soon as possible. Once he had told you he wanted you to stay things shifted between the two of you, you started seeking out his comfort without him needing to initiate it first, now if you were having a bad day you didn’t feel scared to curl up next to him with your head on his shoulder, waiting for his arm to wrap around you and pull you even closer and talk openly with him. 

Life with Frank was easy, it was nice, and you were so glad he had found you all those months ago.

He hadn’t had an easy time getting you out though, you knew every secret that the gang had, people were quite willing to speak around you, not seeing you as a person so much as a thing to be beat on and snapped at. Frank had you behind him, his jacket covering your body as he shot gang member after gang member. You were so relieved to be finally getting out, to see that these men couldn’t hurt you anymore but when one peaked out from his hiding spot, spotting Frank before Frank saw him and fired bullet after bullet you felt your heart stop and your blood run cold, tears falling faster down your face as you began to mourn both your freedom and the man who hadn’t hesitated to pull you out, to put himself between you and the rain of bullets.

In reality, Frank stumbled back with the force of the bullets but otherwise didn’t seem too concerned as he turned his own gun and fired it once, hitting the man straight away and you could only watch through shocked, bleary eyes as his body slumped to the ground lifelessly. When he moved forward but realised you weren’t following him he turned around in concern and you sobbed in relief as you saw the bullet proof vest, Frank’s eyes softening as he pulled you into his arms and led you out of the building, one hand cupping the back of your head to keep you buried against his chest and not able to see him kill more people. 

In your dreams it was always different versions of the same thing. Sometimes Frank didn’t have the protection of the bulletproof vest, sometimes the gunman aimed for Frank’s head, each time you were frozen to the spot, helpless to do anything but sink to your knees beside the lifeless body and sob into his chest. The dreams became more intense, more real, more terrifying the closer you got to Frank. Losing him when he had first taken you from the gang would have hurt but if it happened now you weren’t so sure you would recover.

Finally the overwhelming anxiety and fear became too much as your head produced image after image of Frank dead in a pool of his own blood and you had to pull yourself from the bed, every inch of your body shaking despite the fact that you felt like you were on fire and beads of sweat pooled on your forehead.

You quickly but quietly made your way out of your bedroom door and over to Frank’s. The door was already left half open, something you knew Frank did to let you know you were welcome at any time, something which you were immensely grateful for now as you slipped through the gap and into his room. 

It was still dark outside but the streetlights casted enough of a glow that you could see Frank lying in bed, unfortunately the blankets covered his chest so you couldn’t just quietly confirm that he was in fact still breathing and slip out again. Instead seeing him so still had more tears sliding down your face and your breathing quickening even though it was already impossibly fast already.

You stepped closer until your legs knocked against the bed and huffed a sigh of relief as Frank shifted before his eyes opened, heavy with sleep before they filled with concern and he sat up, immediately reaching for you, and pulling you down onto the bed with him, his arms wrapping around you and pressing you against his chest. Frank rocked the two of you back and forth in an attempt to calm you down but something about seeing that he was alright seemed to cause your sobs to louden and your breathing to become even more erratic.

“M’sorry, m’sorry,” You managed to choke out between sobs but the man just shushed you, continuing to rock you in his arms.

“None of that now, sweetheart.” Frank murmured, pressing his lips to your temple, and feeling how hot and sweaty the skin was. “You’re alright, I’ve got ya, I got ya, kid.” 

“I had a nightmare,” you sobbed into his chest, somehow forcing the words out even with how much your chest hurt from your sharp breaths, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m alright, kid, I’m right here, not going anywhere, you don’t gotta worry about that.” Frank told you softly but firmly as his heart ached at seeing his kid in such a state. 

“You’re okay?” You managed to ask again and Frank pulled you back far enough so you could see his face and the soft, comforting smile he gave you.

“I’m okay, ain’t nothing gonna happen to me.” He promised and with those words you sagged against him, Frank felt the tension leave you as you melted into him, gripping his shirt like it was your only lifeline. “Hey, you wanna copy my breathing for me? Deep breaths in and out for me, yeah just like that, attagirl,” Frank praised, feeling himself relax as your breathing finally began to slow into a normal rhythm. “That’s my girl, that’s my girl, good job, you’re okay, I got ya.” 

It felt like it had been hours but finally your breathing was steady, your chest still ached but you could breathe easier now and your sobs had slowed to sniffles as a result of the constant rocking and comforting words being whispered by Frank. 

Now you were just left feeling exhausted and drained, any bit of energy you had had simply disappeared but you still pulled back slightly, not going far but far enough so you could look up at Frank who gave you a soft smile, letting one of his hands come up to wipe at your cheeks softly.

“I saw you die.” You whispered, afraid that saying the words out loud would make them true but instead Frank’s smile widened a small bit and he shook his head.

“I ain’t dying on you, don’t gotta worry about that.” Frank assured you, using the hand on your cheek to guide your head towards him so that he could lean down slightly and press a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead which you easily relaxed into, making no move to pull away until he did. “It’ll be alright, it was just a nightmare, you ain’t getting rid of me that easy.” 

The words pulled a laugh out of you that sounded strained but still made Frank’s face light up as he looked down at you and you pulled your arms from where they were trapped between your body and Frank’s to wrap them around his waist, Frank not even hesitating to wrap you in his arms again, holding you close.

You felt your eyes become heavy and found them falling shut as you hugged Frank, one of his hands running up and down your back in a way that made it even easier to relax into him and you couldn't help but cuddle further into him, a smile pulling at your lips as you felt more than heard his chuckle from your place against his chest.

You had figured you weren’t getting any sleep for the rest of the night, figured your emotions would be too all over the place and mind too distracted but by the time Frank was repositioning the two of you so that you were laying down in his bed, you resting more on him than the mattress you found you were already more than halfway asleep and couldn’t find the strength to open your eyes again.

The last thing you felt before you fell asleep was Frank’s lips on your head and his softly murmured assurance that he was ok, that you could sleep now and he’d watch over you before you did as he said and drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep safe in the man’s arms, the steady beat of his heart under your head letting you know he was safe too.

___________________

Frank Castle Taglist -

@call-me-a-fool, @sylvies4ever, @lucyysthings, @freeshavocadoooo, @writeroutoftime, @srhxpci @mrslizzyolsen, @shatteredlovesick, @ack3rlevi, @avengersbabe13, @bxmaaa, @lucyysthings