9-1-1 Lone Star Masterlist

9-1-1 Lone Star Masterlist

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- Soon You’ll Get Better

- Happier Than Ever

Hold You To That

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Prompt - ‘A person could hold a longing in them all their life, but every now and again it broke the surface and breathed.’

Sometimes it was easier to distance yourself from a situation, when you could see it playing out in front of you, could see that you were only setting yourself up for heartbreak, setting yourself up to fail, it was easier to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.

It was the smart thing to do, taking yourself away from the situation would save you a world of pain, of hurt, of wasting your nights away thinking about the what if’s. And you were smart, you usually put yourself first and could deal with things not going your way.

But when it came to him…god you felt like you were the dumbest person alive. You’d tried at the beginning, you really had tried to step back, to put some distance between the growing friendship when you realised your eyes gazed at his smile for too long, when you realised you were doing anything to hear his laugh, you really had taken a step back and thought of the pros and cons.

There hadn’t been too many cons but there was one major one that stopped you telling him how you felt.

Penelope Garcia also liked him.

You could see it a mile away, could see it in the way she insulted him and complained about him behind his back. You could see it in the stolen glances both of them risked and the smiles that pulled at their faces when the other looked away.

You knew letting your feelings develop would only hurt you but by the time you had realised they were there it was too late.

Luke and you had been fast friends, it hadn’t taken more than a conversation or two for you to feel comfortable around him; to start smiling naturally around him. The two of you worked well together, easily able to read each other without a word and moving together silently to catch whatever unsub you were dealing with. It hadn’t taken long for Hotch to notice and the two of you were paired together more often than not nowadays.

The close bond you’d developed at work bled into your personal lives and it wasn’t long before you were spending as much time at the other's house as you were your own. Luke had a draw of your things in his place, clothing and toiletries swapped from your to go bag into his draw and bathroom, his hoodies had found their way into your closest as his own spare sets of clothes lay in their own draw and a collection of Roxy’s toys and spare bowls occupied a corner of your living room like they’d always been there.

By the time you realised you liked Luke it was too late, you and Luke’s lives were so connected, the daily routines you had made around each other were too developed. You tried putting some distance between the two of you, tried keeping it professional and only seeing him at work but Luke hadn’t let that last for more than a few days before he called you out on why you were avoiding him. Obviously you hadn’t been able to tell him the real reason and that had left you standing in front of him like an idiot as your mouth opened and closed before you were saved by Hotch calling you all into brief on the newest case.

Distance hadn’t worked, so instead you tried just shoving your feelings down. Naturally that also didn’t work but there wasn’t much else you could do. It was hard to hide how you felt, watching as Penelope and Luke went back and forth with each other and having to hide how much it hurt you was difficult at the best of times but when you were surrounded by some of the best profilers in the country…well it was nearly impossible. Thankfully though most of the team hadn’t noticed, you were pretty sure Rossi knew from the sympathetic looks he shot you but he had never called you out on it so you didn’t mind you hadn’t completely been able to hide it.

It had been years since Luke had joined the team and not much had changed, Luke and Penelope had only gotten more comfortable around each other, you had continued to fall harder and harder for Luke as each day passed and kept on shoving it so far down until it hurt.

“Y’know,” Rossi said from your side, causing you to startle as you hadn’t heard him. You had been too busy watching Luke lean against the counter, giving Penelope a soft smile as she had her back turned to him, their words not loud enough for you to hear from your desk. “Sometimes we put other people’s happiness above our own too much.”

You turned away from the break area and looked at Rossi who was leaning against your desk, looking at you with a soft look of concern.  

“Rossi,” you began with a sigh, “I’m not about to ruin my friendship with Penelope just to get rejected.”

“Who said anything about rejection?” Rossi shot back, his lips twitching upwards as you rolled your eyes and gestured discreetly over to the pair.

“Seriously, Rossi? Aren’t you meant to be one of the best profilers? They like each other, I’ve known that for years now so any hurt I’m feeling is on me.” You told him, trying to keep your voice firm but it shook a little, betraying you, not that you could hide much from Rossi.

“Y/N,” Rossi sighed, bringing his hand up to rest on yours but you shook your head and pulled away from him as you stood from your seat.

“Please just drop it, Rossi.” You pleaded softly and Rossi just nodded at you sadly, watching as you walked away.

Luke’s attention was pulled away from Penelope and over to you, his smile softening as he watched you and Rossi talking amongst yourselves. It only took a moment before his eyebrows knitted together as he watched you swallow hard, your jaw tensing as you listened to whatever Rossi was saying. It was when you stood up that he took a step forward without meaning to, noticing how shaky your hands were even as you clenched them in a fist to hide it.

He watched as you left the room and missed the way Rossi’s eyes followed him as he left after you.

“Hey,” he called and watched as you tensed before seemingly forcing yourself to relax as you stopped and waited for him to catch up to you with a few quick strides. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” you told him as you looked past his shoulder rather than at him. “Rossi and I were just, it doesn’t matter, everything’s fine.”

“Y/N,” he murmured softly and watched as your jaw tightened slightly, “c’mon talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you told him, keeping your voice as even as you could before taking a steadying breath. “Listen, if there was something to talk about I’d tell you, ok?” You lied and watched as Luke looked over you once more before nodding.

“Alright,” he said with a smile and you felt yourself relax, sure maybe you and Luke would never be a thing and you would spend so much time longing over what could have been but Luke was still here, he was still smiling at you, he was still your friend and that was enough.

It had to be.

“You wanna get some lunch?” He asked you, keeping his tone light and smile in place. “My hands cramping from all this paperwork.”

You laughed and suddenly Luke felt his smile become more real, of course he was still worried over whatever you and Rossi had been talking about but if you wouldn’t talk to him then the least he could do was take your mind off it.

“Sure, I could use a break.” You answered and mirrored his expression back to him even if it did carry a hint of sadness in it, you would savour any moment you had with Luke, dating or not.

“Good, my treat.” He insisted and when you went to open your mouth he shushed you before he broke out into a grin and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him as he led you to the elevator.

And so it passed like that for a long time, you forcing yourself to be content just being Luke’s friend, watching as him and Penelope settled into whatever kind of relationship they had going and your feelings for Luke just never letting up, never giving you a break.

You thought it might have been easier when Penelope left, much as you hated the thought because you loved Penelope, she was one of your best and closest friends, but not having to watch her and Luke every day at work made it easier to ignore your feelings, ignore the hurt you hated feeling when you saw them together.

It had been easier for a while until covid hit and the team was pulled apart, you and Luke were pulled apart. Where Luke, JJ and Rossi got to stay with the BAU, Spencer and Matt had been sent on secret missions that only Emily, with her promotion, and the other FBI higher ups were allowed to know about, Tara had been sent well honestly you were even sure where she was now but you hadn’t seen here in too long and then there was you.

You had been requested back with the FBI’s Undercover and Sensitive Operation Unit, a job you had worked for years prior to transferring to the BAU. You hadn’t minded at first, honestly you hardly protested at all, Emily promised it was a three month assignment and then everyone would be back together and as much as the thought of not seeing Luke for three months ached another part of you needed it.

But now it had been three years, the undercover mission you had originally been assigned to long since complete, along with four others and here you were in California deep undercover as you worked a drug case. You and Luke hadn’t seen each other for more than a few minutes in nearly two years and now here you were on opposite ends of the country, not even able to call each other for fear of blowing the operation.

Thankfully you were nearing the end of this operation, waiting on one last bit of evidence that would find all the big names in jail before the week was over. It only took two more days before you were in a hotel room, dreading the call where you’d have to decline another operation because…honestly you were drained. You missed your team, you’d done three years of back to back undercover work and you just wanted to go home.

You missed your friends, missed your own bed, your own identity. You missed Luke. God, you missed him so bad. You didn’t know what was happening with him anymore, three years ago the two of you couldn’t have imagined going a day without seeing each other yet alone nearly two years.

You used to love your position with the undercover unit but after spending so much time with the BAU you knew that was where you were meant to be. Just as you sat on the bed and picked your phone up to call Emily and plead with her to get you back it lit up with a call from Luke.

You felt some of the tension leave you just seeing his name before your eyes went wide and you quickly answered it. Luke never called, he knew it was dangerous to call you and you hadn’t let him know your operation was over.

Something was wrong.

“Hey, can you talk?” He asked, a smile on his face as the video call connected but he kept his voice hushed.

“Luke,” You breathed out, cursing yourself as you felt your eyes sting at hearing him for the first time in months, you took a shaky breath before nodding. “I finished my op today, I was just about to call Emily and then you.”

“Oh thank God!” Luke breathed a sigh of relief as his smile broke out into a grin, “I’ve missed you, Y/N/N.”

“I miss you too.” You choked out, feeling the tears you’d tried to blink away well up and you shook your head as you let out a shaky laugh. “I miss you so much.”

You didn’t care if Luke pieced it together, didn’t care that right now you were just too tired to push down your feelings, didn’t care that they had been dragged up to the surface so abruptly and it was too much. You didn’t know if Luke and Penelope were together, you knew they had gone on a date before everything had been ripped apart so you hadn’t exactly been able to keep up to date with how it had gone but right now you didn’t care.

You just wanted Luke.

“Hey, hey, you’re alright.” Luke murmured softly, his own eyes tearing up as he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffed as you wiped at your eyes, “I’m sorry, I’m just so tired, Luke. I just want to come home, I miss everyone so much, I miss you. I’m gonna call Emily and see if she can arrange for me to come back because I can’t do another six months away.”

“Well then I’m glad I called,” Luke smiled and your eyebrows knitted together as you looked at him but before you could say anything Luke spoke, “we’ve got a situation down here and we need you back.”

You let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob causing Luke to grin at you through the phone and you grinned back even as more tears slid down your cheeks.

“Thank you.” You managed to choke out and Luke’s smile widened even more.

Luke had briefed you on what they had so far which, admittedly, wasn’t much. He gave you the rundown and had one of the new tech analysts send you over whatever else they had so once you boarded the plane you filled the five hour flight with getting up to speed with the case.

By the time you landed it was already midday so you got an uber to your apartment, took a quick shower and only spared half of a longing glance towards your bed before changing into some work clothes and heading over to join everyone else.

You felt a wave of relief hit you once you were in the elevator and nearly cried with happiness as the door opened and you could see your desk. You walked in and saw through the window that everyone had gathered in the round table room so made your way up the stairs and stood in the doorway.

It only took a moment for Emily to glance over at you before her face lit up and she made her way over to you, her arms already open and you easily went into them wrapping your arms around her and forcing yourself not to cry.

“Oh it is so good to see you.” She said and you could only nod into her shoulder and grip her a little bit tighter. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get you back sooner.”

You nodded again into her shoulder and pulled away from her, giving her a shaky smile. You opened your mouth to tell her it was ok but you were stopped when you saw movement behind her, glancing over her shoulder to see Luke standing up and staring at you with wide, also watery, eyes.

“Y/N.” Luke said softly, so softly you almost didn’t hear him, especially over the sound of your heart pounding in your chest.

Emily looked between the two of you as she stepped aside but you hardly noticed her any more as you took two steps forward, Luke moved forward to and pulled you into his arms, you practically melted into them, unable to stop the tears as you buried your head in Luke’s chest and he gripped the back of your jacket tightly in his fists.

“I missed you so much.” He whispered into your hair and you nodded against him, letting out a shaky breath before you were able to speak.

“I missed you too, every day, every single day.” You told him, the words muffled against his shirt but he heard them clearly and you squeezed your eyes shut tightly when you felt him press a gentle, lingering kiss to the top of your head.

The two of you didn’t move, content to stay in each other’s arms after going so long without seeing each other, needing to feel the other against you, hear them breathing and feel them in your arms to reassure yourself that they were here. You probably would have stayed like that all day if you were interrupted.

“Alright, alright we get it, you two missed each other.” Rossi said, causing you to jump slightly and feel more than hear Luke’s chuckle. “But other people missed you too, kid.”

You grinned into Luke’s chest even as your cheeks were stained with tears before pulling away, looking up at him and feeling your cheeks heat up to see him smiling so softly at you. You finally glanced away and looked over to Rossi who winked at you causing you to laugh softly before you let him pull you into a tight hug.

“I missed you too, Rossi.” You murmured, brushing one hand up and down his back as you lowered your voice slightly, knowing that everyone else in the room could still hear but it didn’t matter. “And I’m really sorry I couldn’t be here for you-”

“Hey now, none of that.” Rossi interrupted and pulled you away from him before placing his hands on your cheeks and gently brushing the tears away causing you to smile sadly at him. “I’m okay and you’re back now, nothing else matters.”

Your heart ached as you looked at Rossi, losing Krystall had taken its toll on him but he was right you were back and he was ok, things would be ok. Rossi patted your cheeks gently before he pulled you close and placed a kiss on your forehead causing your smile to brighten.

“It’s really good to have you back, kid.”

And you were back, immediately thrown into work with no more catching up with anyone. It was impossible to crack anything without Penelope and your heart ached something fierce when Luke offered to go and try to get her back. You’d forgotten how much this bit hurt, for three years you hadn’t had time to dwell on it, too wrapped up in your undercover work to even think about your actual life but now it was like you never left.

You shook your head and focused back on the case at hand, working away until Luke walked back into the room and handed a hot mug which you took gratefully.

“How’d it go with Penelope?” You asked and watched as he shook his head with a frown.

“I get it, you know?” He said and your eyebrows knitted together as you waited for him to carry on. “This job takes its toll on all of us but her, it took everything she had and she never complained. I hate that we’re trying to drag her back into this.”

“If there was another option you’d take it, even if it took longer to crack the case, you’d take it to protect Penelope. This isn’t on you, Luke, whatever happens in this case, if Penelope comes back and it’s too much, that’s not on you.” You assumed they were together, they had to be, it had been years since their first date and there was no denying their chemistry, so you’d sit back like you always had and not get it in the way of that, no matter how much you selfishly wanted to after being away for so long.

“God, I’ve missed having you around.” Luke breathed out and you smiled over at him. “When this case is over I’m taking you out for dinner, it’s my turn to buy.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” You laughed and shifted closer to him, close enough that your arms brushed against each other and you hesitated for a moment before letting yourself have one selfish moment, Luke wouldn’t think too much of it, you’d been gone for so long it made sense you’d be a bit more clingy.

You let your head rest against his shoulder and felt Luke relax into the touch as he gently rested his head on top of yours, tilting slightly so he could press a kiss into your hair as he did. Neither of you spoke, both of you were content where you were.

That brief moment of peace was all you were able to steal before you were separated again, Luke working with JJ on finding a connection as you stayed with Penelope, who had thankfully come back because you seriously didn’t know how you were going to finish this case without her.

You desperately wanted to ask Penelope about her and Luke, wanted to know as badly as you didn’t want to know but you couldn’t ask her yet. Now wasn’t the time, right now you had to focus on the case.

“I’m telling you I hate this guy, hate him! I mean first he brings me back to this job and I love you people, Y/N, you know I love you with my whole heart but I was out! And then he refuses to work with me, like I’m the problem, me! And now, now Rossi and Emily are teaming up and making me work with him.” Penelope ranted as the two of you walked to the ballpen, a smile on your face as you listened to her.

God, you really had missed being back.

“Good luck.” You grinned as you made your way over to your desk, Luke already leaning against it, as Penelope turned to glare at you before disappearing into the room with Tyler Green.

“Think Rossi will be able to get anywhere with him?” You heard JJ ask as you joined them, leaning against the desk next to Luke who was looking towards the briefing room with a fond grin.

“I think the real question is, will he survive Garcia? It looks like Tyler Green is Garcia's Most Hated." Luke said, amusement clear in his tone and you smiled even as you felt a pang of hurt at the affection in his voice.

“Sounds like you miss it, buddy.” Tara said with a grin and Luke chuckled warmly as he turned back to you all.

“No. He can have that title.” Luke said, the fondness in his expression staying even as you got to work on the case, pointedly ignoring every time you and Luke brushed against each other.

The case seemed to lead to more dead ends than anything else, victims and witnesses refusing to help and share their story, share who their attacker was, it was driving you crazy.

“Here,” Luke said, handing you a warm to go cup and a sandwich from the coffee shop down the road. “You look like you can use a break.”

“God you’re the best, Luke Alvez.” You grinned as you took the items from him and both sat at your desk. “I feel like I can’t complain though, I mean this case is rough but I’ve missed being here.”

“We never did get a chance to talk about your undercover ops.” Luke prompted after swallowing a bite of his own sandwich. “I know you can’t say much but are you ok? I mean from what little you told me and what I was able to piece together from Emily, it seems like it was just back to back assignments with no chance to breathe.”

“I don’t know, I mean, it’s the unit I worked with before the BAU so I already knew how hard it was but…I don’t know, Luke. I mean I’m tired, I’m exhausted but I also haven’t had a moment to think about adjusting back from that to this. It’ll hit me at some point, it always does, but I guess we’ve been so busy here it just hasn’t yet.” You told him, wishing you could go into detail but even if you were allowed to you wouldn’t share it with anyone, especially Luke, he didn’t need to know the horrors you’d seen out there.

Luke reached over and cupped his hand on your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting it rest there as he spoke.

“You call me, the second it hits you, you call me and I’ll be there.” Luke promised and gave you a stern look that caused you to smile before you nodded.

“I promise.” You swore and Luke nodded once seriously before a smile broke out on his face and he switched the conversation to a lighter topic and if your gaze stayed locked on his smile for longer than necessary, well you were allowed to be a little bit selfish sometimes.

“Give me a minute,” you interrupted Luke as you watched Penelope leave the briefing room looking shaken. Luke turned to follow your gaze and frowned in concern but watched the two of you leave together and he knew Penelope was in good hands.

“Hey, what happened?” You asked softly as the two of you entered Penelope’s office.

“I don’t want to talk about it but that guy, Tyler Green, is a jerk and he infuriates me.” Penelope fumed and you nodded at her, knowing her well enough to see she’d shut down even more if you carried on questioning her.

“Alright, so we won’t talk about it.” You agreed easily and she turned to face you with a grateful look. “We’re still waiting for leads to be verified so I’m free until they call me away.”

“How are you?” Penelope suddenly asked and you frowned at her, did you really look so bad that both Luke and Penelope were concerned? “Sorry, I just meant, this whole Sicarius thing has been constant since we both came back, I missed you like crazy and we’re together again and haven’t spoken about anything but this stupid case.”

“I’m okay,” you told her, unsure why you were lying so easily to her but hadn’t been able to tell Luke the same thing. “Once this case is over we’ll have a girls night but for now, I really just want to focus on this case.”

“You’ll tell me if you need anything, won’t you? Even just a hug.” Penelope asked and you couldn’t help but chuckle warmly at her as you nodded, a surge of love filling you as you looked at your best friend.

This is why you stayed silent all those years, why you let yourself fall in love with Luke Alvez without a word. It was because you loved Penelope Garcia, she was your best friend and if Luke made her happy then you would never get between that.

“What’s going on?” You asked Luke as you slipped back into the bullpen a while later and Luke shifted closer to you as he filled you in on the new lead, telling you that there was something connected to Sicarius in Georgia.

“JJ, Luke, I want the two of you in Georgia by nightfall.” Emily commanded and you couldn’t help but frown slightly, watching as Luke’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he glanced between you and Emily, even JJ looked slightly surprised you and Luke weren’t being paired together.

“Um, yeah sure, on it.” JJ murmured as she tapped Luke’s arm and gestured for him to follow her.

“Be safe.” You told him softly and he took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze before nodding and turning to follow JJ and you could only watch him leave before turning to Emily who spoke before you could.

“I need you in with Tyler Green, Garcia refuses to work with him, see if he knows anything about Benjamin Reeves and get him and Garcia on the case together.” She said, passing a file to you before turning on her heel and walking away.

You sighed before heading into the briefing room and placing the file down.

“You’re new.” Tyler said as he lifted his gaze to you and you nodded at him.

“Agent Y/L/N.” You told him before jumping right into why you were here. “Benjamin Reeves, does that name ring a bell to you?”

“Well hello to you too,” he muttered but you just sat down next to him and pulled the tablet close to you. “Reeves, no, never heard of him. Should I have?”

“Maybe, he’s a possible Sicarius connection we’re looking into, could be nothing, could be something.” You explained, turning to face Tyler. “ Reeves had a thing for biting people, a wannabe cannibal.”

“Now that rings a bell.” Tyler told you and you raised an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue. “Look up the term ‘overbite’, you should get something.”

It took you a few minutes to pull the servers up, you weren’t bad with technology but you were no Penelope Garcia and all of this looked like a different language to you. Eventually you had overbite searched up and results appeared. You and Tyler went through the chats together, him explaining the private chats to you as you searched for something.

“I don’t get it.” You murmured to yourself causing Tyler to raise an eyebrow at you.

“Get what?” He asked when you didn’t say anything else and just continued to stare at the screen.

“A rich kid like him, he has everything, there’s no way Sicarius found a way to convince Reeves to kill himself when things got bad. This Sicarius, much as I hate the bastard, is smart, he’s planned for every version of events, every contingency, so why bring Reeves in?” You questioned, not so much directing them to Tyler but needing to work through it aloud.

“Think about it,” Tyler said and you turned to look at him expectantly. “Sicarius has this whole operation, something like this costs money. Your Reeves guy, he’s the funding, I’d bet Reeves knows all about Sicarius’ operation and he has special privileges.”

“But soon enough Reeves’ will just be a loose end.” You realised, standing up to go and tell Emily they needed to find Benjamin Reeves.

You didn’t have a good feeling about this.

Before you left the room you turned to Tyler, you needed Penelope on this case and Tyler seemed to be proving useful.

“Listen, we need to know everything Reeves and Sicarius are talking about. We need to find out what their plans are. This could be our shot at Sicarius. Now I can’t do it, you don’t know where this private forum is but…” You said watching the man sigh before he interrupted you to finish your sentence.

“Penelope can. Fine, bring her back in.” He told you and you laughed at him before shaking your head.

“I have a serial killer to help catch, you’re gonna have to grovel and get her back yourself.” You grinned at him and watched him put his head in his hands. “Talk to Rossi, he’s good at messing up with women and winning them back.”

“Emily!” You called as you watched her enter the room, jogging down to meet her half way. “Tell me you still have Reeves’ here.”

“No, he was let go.” She told you and you cursed softly causing her to frown. “What is it?”

“We need to get to him. Now.” You told her and you were already moving past her, nearly knocking into the Deputy Director.

Both of them followed you out and into one of the SUV’s as you filled Emily in on your theory that Reeves’ was a lot closer to Sicarius than any of you had originally thought, that Reeves could be the one to lead you to the head of the network.

“Fuck!” You cursed as you all entered the house and saw the Senator dead on the floor, bite marks clear on her face and body and you turned away from her, not able to feel anything but anger at the thought of your best lead slipping away.

The ride back to the office was quiet and you prayed Penelope had managed to find something, no doubt that Tyler would have listened to you and convinced her back to the case. You checked your phone before getting out of the car and forced yourself to breathe when you saw Luke hadn’t texted you back.

As you and Emily walked in Tara was already making her way over to you with a tablet in hand.

“Benjamin Reeves' jet just touched down at the Municipal Airport in Whitfield County, Georgia." She told you both urgently.

“What?” You said, frowning as you snatched the tablet of her and read over it.

“That's where he said the ‘buried treasure’ was.” Emily murmured as she looked over your shoulder and down at the tablet.

“Something's not right.” You said as you pushed the tablet into Emily’s hands and pulled your phone out, already pulling up Luke’s contact.

“What...he should be flying to Brazil. Why would he lead us to more evidence?” Emily asked in confusion as she thought back to their conversation.

“You think it's a trap?” Tara asked her but Emily shook her head.

“No. I think Benjamin Reeves is a patsy and he's too dumb to know it.” She said.

“I’m calling Luke, I’ll let him know him and JJ have company.” You said, phone already against your ear as you spoke.

“Hey Y/N/N, we’ve just got here, how’s everything back there?” He asked and you felt a shiver of fear run through you, something really wasn’t right with this case and it had you on edge. Every part of you wanted to tell Luke to fall back, that it was a dead end and to come home, part of you wanted to scream at Emily for not letting you go with Luke.

“Reeves is coming to you.” You said instead and pushed everything down into the same space you kept your feelings for Luke. “His jet just landed there, be careful Luke.”

“Hey, I’ll be fine.” Luke assured but something in you wasn’t letting you relax.

“Luke,” you breathed into the phone and you heard him tell JJ to wait a second, there was some rustling and you assumed he was taking the phone off speaker and moving a few steps away from JJ.

“Talk to me, what’s wrong?” He asked and you shook your head, seeing Tara and Emily looking over at you and you followed Luke’s lead as you moved into the hallway.

“I don’t know, ok? I just-Luke, I have a really bad feeling about this one.” You told him, not wanting to worry him but you always trusted your instincts, you’d rather Luke be overly aware of his surroundings and nothing happening than have him let his guard down and Reeves get the upper hand.

“Alright, okay, I trust you, Y/N. We take this one seriously, careful every step of the way. I’ve got JJ watching my back.” Luke assured and you took a shaky breath that he picked up on. “Hey, I promise you I am going to be back with you soon.”

“God, I hate Emily for not letting me go with you.” You mumbled into the phone and let Luke’s laugh wash over you.

“Yeah, right now I’m pretty glad she kept you there if you think something bad is going down out here.” He told you and you couldn’t help the fond eye roll that escaped you. “Rather have you worrying back there than risk anything happening to you out here.”

“Just be careful, ok?” You asked softly and you heard his voice soften too when he spoke.

“I promise.” He told you seriously, causing you to nod even though he couldn’t see you. “We’re gonna head out now, satellite found a hidden door, our body cams and radios are gonna be on the whole time, alright?”

“Alright. Just…I’ll see you soon, yeah?” You asked and you could hear the smile in his voice when he replied.

“Yeah Y/N/N, I’ll be home soon.” He said and the two of you let the silence wash over you before you finally pulled the phone away and hung up, heading to the briefing room where everyone else was already set up.

“We’re live.” Penelope said as the screen showed both body cameras and she pointed out which was which.

You moved over to stand at the table, the radio in front of you and you felt like you couldn’t breathe, hardly let yourself blink as you scanned the screens in search for anything.

You really didn’t like this.

The team around you spoke but you paid them no mind, only listening when Luke’s voice came through the radio.

“We’re going in.” He announced as you watched him pull the bunker door open and you stood straighter at his words, dread filling you as they entered.

Luke walked in first and JJ followed after him, giving you perfect sight of both Luke and the bunker. At first it just looked like the other shipping containers that had been found but then you saw something, something the others hadn’t clocked yet.

“Oh my god.” You whispered and startled when a cell phone rang in the container.

“What the hell is that?” You heard JJ ask but your hand pressed the button on the radio before anyone could register what was happening.

“Luke, get the hell out, it’s a bomb!” You yelled into the radio and watched as Luke shouted at JJ to get out.

Then the cameras went out and you could only stare at them in horror.

“Luke, Luke, come in.” You said into the radio but there was no answer. “Luke, please.”

The team around you spoke but you couldn’t hear them, you continued to plead into the radio, begging for Luke to answer you until you were pulled away and only then did you snap back to reality to see Rossi looking at you in concern but before he could say anything Penelope called your attention to the screen.

“Oh! Oh! One of the camera’s is back online.” Your head shot around, tears falling harder down your cheeks when you realised it was JJ…Luke’s was still out. “Where’s Luke? I take back every mean thing I ever said about him. Please let him be ok.” Penelope said before excusing herself to see if she could get communications working from her office.

You didn’t have it in you to be hurt by the blatant reminder that him and Penelope were a thing, you didn’t care, you just needed him to be ok.

You turned to leave the room but Rossi caught you by the arm and gently spun you around to face them, Emily raised an eyebrow at you as Rossi spoke.

“Where are you going?” He asked and you shook your head as you tugged your arm free from his light grip.

“Georgia.” Was all you said before turning to leave again but Emily stopped you this time.

“Y/N, wait-”

“I’m going, Emily!” You snapped as the tears fell harder down your face. “You already stopped me going once, you’re not stopping me again.”

“Douglas,” she said after giving you a hard look, “it’s time.”

The Deputy Director didn’t say anything, just looked from Emily to you before nodding and gesturing for her to go. You didn’t know what they were talking about and honestly you didn’t care, you were going to Georgia.

You pressed the button for the elevator and shot Emily, Tara and Rossi a confused look as they stood with you but before you could ask what they were doing Garcia came up to them just as they stepped into the elevator.

“Where are you- you’re going to Georgia. Driving or…oh,” Penelope managed a smile as she nodded at you all, piecing together something you hadn’t. “Return it filled up and not just with fuel. Bring them home.”

“We will,” Emily said confidently enough that you believed her and you just hoped she was right. “Wheels up.”

Your eyes widened as you turned to look at her, you hadn’t asked but with all the politics and budget cuts it made sense why the jet hadn’t been mentioned. You didn’t think too much about it though, just thankful you had a quicker way of getting to Luke.

The hour-long flight felt like forever. Rossi sat next to you on the plane but other than holding your hand and letting you squeeze it tightly in yours he didn’t try and comfort you. You hadn’t stopped crying, you needed to see Luke with your own eyes, praying to God he was alright.

“Oh, thank God.” Emily said as you arrived on the scene and JJ and Luke made their way over to you.

You had frozen a few steps behind Emily, Tara and Rossi when you saw Luke. He looked fine, a bit beat up but considering what had just happened he looked fine. Your eyes filled with tears again and Luke’s gaze immediately drifted past the other three to land on you, making his way over to you just in time to catch you in his arms as you wrapped him in a tight hug.

Luke hugged you back just as tightly, burying his face in your hair and struggling to hold back his own set of tears as he heard you sob into his chest as your fingers dug into his back with how tightly you held him.

The others watched on as they spoke quietly among themselves about what had happened but Luke shut them out and focused solely on you. He knew he loved you, hell he’d known that for years now, but he never realised just how much until he’d nearly been taken away from you. Before he passed out, not even registering if he was ok or not, his thoughts had been consumed with you, regret from not telling you how he felt, guilt that you were watching him die through the body cam, sadness that he’d never felt your lips against his.

He swore to himself he was going to tell you.

“I’m alright, cariño, I’m alright.” He murmured into your hair and you shook your head, shifting into the hug like you could bury yourself further in his chest. “Yes baby, I’m ok, I promise.”

It took a few more minutes until you were able to pull away from each other and even then you didn’t go far, your hands coming up to cup Luke’s face, his hands covering yours as he ran his thumb across your knuckles.

“Next time I’m coming with you.” You told him shakily as tears continued to slide down your face and Luke chuckled as a tear slid down his cheek.

“Not a chance.” He answered and you just shook your head. “But the next time you have a bad feeling about something I’m listening.”

Luke leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead, murmuring once more that he was fine, before he wiped at your tear stained cheeks.

To nobody’s surprise Reeves turned up dead and Sicarius was missing again. With all the evidence from the container turned to ashes there wasn’t much you could do but head back to Quantico.

You were exhausted by the time you got onto the jet and were asleep against Luke in seconds of being up in the air. Luke wasn’t complaining though, he just wrapped his arm around you and pulled you even closer.

“So does your brush with death mean you’re finally ready to tell her how you feel?” Rossi asked once he was sure the girls were distracted and you were asleep.

“You’ve been pushing this for years now, Rossi.” Luke sighed, looking down at you in his arms and thinking about how right it felt. “Every time I told you no, I couldn’t risk our friendship, couldn’t risk losing her.”

“And now what are you telling me?” Rossi asked with a smile, knowing full well what the answer was but wanting to hear the younger man say it.

“I’m telling you that I nearly died today.” Luke said steadily and paused for a moment, Rossi didn’t say anything, knowing he needed to sort through his thoughts. “I nearly died today and the last thing I thought was I really hated that Y/N was watching this. I didn’t want her to see that, Rossi.”

“I know you didn’t, kid.” Rossi told him, thinking back to your reaction back in the briefing room, watching you shut down, plead with a dead radio and snap at Emily.

“I’m telling you I love her.” Luke finally confessed out loud. “I love her and I have for longer than I know and I already lost so much time with her when she was sent back to the undercover unit and I nearly lost the rest of my life with her today. I can’t risk having another day where she doesn’t know, even if she doesn’t feel the same, I don’t care anymore, I need her to know how I feel.”

Rossi sat back in his seat with a smug look of satisfaction that had Luke rolling his eyes and suppressing a smile. For years now Rossi had been hounding him over when he was going to make his move, he knew if this worked out for the two of you he’d never heard the end of it from the man.

“Attaboy.” Was all Rossi murmured before the two of them settled into silence and Luke let himself savour the feeling of you in his arm.

By the time you were walking back in the building Tyler Green had been released without charges for his cooperation, another lead came up and Luke and Tara were being assigned to it and before you could say anything Penelope rushed over and took JJ and Luke into her arms.

As Luke, Emily and Tara worked on the death row inmate lead you and Rossi sat in the briefing room with Penelope in an attempt to pull up anything about what Sicarius’ next plan was. Like most of this case though it seemed impossible to find a solid lead even  after the hours you'd spent reading through the forums.

It was when you had moved to comparing the victims that Penelope’s phone rang and you glanced at her questioningly as she excused herself in a hurry, turning to look at Rossi who just shrugged and turned back to the boards in front of you.

“Here,” You said as you handed Luke a mug of coffee before pulling a chair up next to him at his desk, “you look like you need it.”

“Thanks.” Luke sighed tiredly as he brought the mug up to his lips, you were able to catch a soft smile before it was hidden by the mug. “This case is exhausting.”

“No luck with the death row inmate then?” You asked and he sighed again, a deep and tired one that you felt deeply, you were all running on even less sleep than usual as this case took up every moment of your time.

“We have a guy who’s prepared to die to keep the man he loves safe. The boyfriend just came in and gave us evidence that Herrera couldn’t have committed the murder because they were together. Now Tara and her girlfriend are fighting but at least we got the guy off death row.” Luke filled you in between sips of coffee and you watched him lean back in his chair and let his eyes fall closed.

“And I thought me and Rossi were having fun scrolling through post after post of wannabe serial killers.” You chuckled tiredly causing him to turn his head and smile softly over at you. “How are you holding up anyway? I feel like we’ve barely had a minute after coming back from Georgia.”

Luke let out a chuckle as he nodded, bringing his hand up to rub at his face before letting it fall, he seemed to hesitate for a moment before reaching across and taking your hand in his, his thumb brushing across your knuckles as he locked eyes with you.

“Y/N, I heard that bomb go off and I didn’t know what was gonna happen.” Luke sighed and you squeezed his hand softly, trying to offer some comfort without interrupting him. “I figured I could have died, now I know Sicarius timed it perfectly and warned us but then, I didn’t know if I was gonna live or die and my only regret, the only thought in my head was-”

“Y/N, Luke!” Penelope exclaimed loudly, her heels clicking against the floor as she ran into the bullpen and just like that whatever peaceful, hopeful moment that had settled between you and Luke vanished as you jumped, his hand pulling away from yours as he turned to Penelope, your gaze staying on him a second longer before you turned and faced her too. “Meeting room, now!”

Luke turned to glance at you and you shrugged before following the other woman into the room where JJ, Emily and Rossi were already gathered. You took a seat next to Luke, desperately trying to ignore the way your knees brushed together and forced yourself to focus on Penelope informing everybody about her theory on how Sicarius hunted.

It felt like there had been a shift in the case with the new information and you wanted to be happy over it, hell you were happy, for the first time since you’d been called in it actually felt like you could catch the unsub. But then there was the Luke of it all. You had been so close, Luke’s hushed words felt like the confession you’d wanted for so long and you were so close.

“Y/N, I need to talk to you. Now.” Penelope said as when everyone but you and Luke left the room. You glanced at Luke who just shrugged at you before Penelope pushed him out of the room, Luke letting her with a laugh.

“Penelope, are you alright?” You asked as she paced in front of you, her hands fidgeting with each other before she stopped in her tracks to look at you.

“I kissed him.” Penelope rushed out and you stared at her in confusion as you waited for her to continue only for her to stay silent as she looked back at you with wide eyes.

“You kissed who?” You prompted, eyebrows frowning as you glanced out of the window, your gaze falling on Luke but not sure why Penelope would seem so flustered over kissing her partner.

“I kissed Tyler.” She clarified and your head shot around to face her as your eyes widened in shock.

“You kissed Tyler Green?” You exclaimed and she shushed you even as she nodded, confused as she watched your frown deepen. “What the hell, Penelope?”

“I know, I know I said I couldn’t stand him and that he was a jerk but you know…and he ended up not being so bad and I kissed him.” Penelope rambled but when she saw you shake your head she paused. “Are you ok?”

“What about Luke?” You finally asked, keeping your tone even despite being furious with her. For years you’d pined after Luke but kept it to yourself so she could be happy with him and now she was here, quite casually telling you she had kissed another guy whilst her boyfriend was sat in the next room.

“Luke? What does Luke have to do with this?” She asked, seeming genuinely confused causing your eyebrows to knit together. Neither of you said anything for a long moment before Penelope broke the silence. “Oh my god, you think me and Luke are dating.”

“You’re not?” You asked in confusion, head spinning at the new information.

“We went on one date three years ago.” She told you with a slightly panicked laugh and you could only stand there and stare at her wide eyed. When you continued to stay silent Penelope’s eyes widened and she stared at you in shock. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!”

“Penelope!” You hissed stepping closer to her and risking a glance out of the corner of your eye to see the team had turned to look up to the window at her raised voice.

“You like Luke!” She exclaimed and you could do nothing but collapse into one of the seats, unable to deny the statement but still reeling from learning that the one date you knew about was all that had happened between them. “Oh my gosh, you like Luke and you didn’t tell me! I mean I know he’s y’know,” she said and pulled a face, “Luke, but you two would seriously be so cute together!”

“Wait, you’re not mad at me?” You asked, feeling like you were drowning with how confused you were. “I thought you liked Luke. I thought you were together this whole time.”

“Y/N, me and Luke had one date, it didn’t go anywhere. Did I like him? Sure but I wasn’t heartbroken that we were better off not dating. Wait, is that why you never said how you felt about him? How long have you been keeping this a secret?” Penelope asked and she seemed genuinely upset for you.

You felt way too overwhelmed right now and leaned your elbows on the table, resting your head in your hands as you took a shaky breath before looking back at her to see her sit in the seat next to you.

“You always had this love-hate thing from the beginning,” You stared, knowing you wouldn’t be able to leave without answering her questions. “You didn’t need to be a profiler to see the chemistry between the two of you, everyone knew something would happen between you and him. So I kept my mouth shut.”

“Wait, you’ve liked him since he joined?” Penelope asked sadly and you just shrugged.

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t say straight away. I mean we hung out together outside of work after he’d been here for a month or two, I spend as much time at his place as I do my own, you know? At some point I started, I don’t know, I wanted to be with him.” You told her, looking down at your hands as you messed with them to avoid her eyes. “But I, I saw the way you looked at him when he looked away, I saw the way he smiled at you when you called him names. I didn’t want to mess with anything between you two and then when I came back, I just assumed the two of you had finally gotten together.”

“There was never anything between us. I mean sure we flirted but it wasn’t serious. Maybe it could have been years ago but too much time passed and nothing happened.” Penelope sighed and you glanced up to see her frowning. “You should have told me.”

“Yeah, now I know that.” You murmured, your mind on all the time you could have potentially had with Luke. “You really don’t like him?”

“Y/N, if I wanted Luke Alvez I would have done something a long time ago to have him,” she told you, “plus I probably wouldn’t have kissed Tyler, who by the way is so hot.”

You let out a shaky laugh before nodding to yourself. Now things were looking up, the case seemed like it might actually be possible to solve and Luke words from before that you desperately wanted to believe were leading into a confession seemed like a more realistic outcome now.

“Sorry, I have to take this.” Penelope said apologetically but you just smiled at her as she answered it, standing up and gesturing for her to stay in the room as you left.

You kept your head down as you walked out of the room, thoughts racing a mile a minute as you made your way out of the bullpen area, missing movement from the corner of your eyes as Luke broke away from the rest of the group. You hadn’t realised he had followed you out until he jogged up beside you and caught your hand in his, stopping you in your tracks.

“Hey,” he said softly as he stood in front of you, his eyes filled with concern. “Is everything alright? Things looked pretty serious between you and Garcia.”

You hesitated a moment, it would be so easy to tell him now. There was nothing to stop you, no fear of losing two of your closest friendships lingering over you anymore.

“The thought in your head,” you said, causing him to frown slightly in confusion at the change in topic, “the thought in your head when the bomb went off, what was it?”

Luke’s face shifted to recognition as he looked back at you after glancing around at the people walking through the hallway. He shook his head before he gestured for you to follow him, not that he needed to as he kept his hand in yours as he pulled you into one of the empty meeting rooms.

“How much I regretted not telling you how I feel about you.” Luke said once the door was closed and he turned back to you. “How I’ve been in love with my best friend for years but I wasn’t brave enough to ever tell you.”

As he spoke he got closer to you, raising his hand to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone and you felt frozen to the spot, scared to breathe in case you shattered the moment and he pulled away.

But Luke wasn’t going anywhere, not now that he had finally managed to force the words past his lips. He leaned down and rested his forehead gently against yours as he waited for you to say something.

“I thought you died,” you finally choked out, watching as his face softened and his other hand came to rest on your waist. “I thought you died and I hated myself for not telling you that I’ve been in love with you for as long back as I can remember.”

Your words were quiet, barely more than a whisper but with how close you were pressed against each other Luke heard them clearly. A grin broke out on his face, he tried to reign it in but it was impossible when the person he’d fallen so hard for was telling him his feelings were returned.

His eyes glanced down from your eyes to your lips and he watched as you smiled back at him. It was all the permission he needed to lean down and press his lips to yours. The kiss was nothing more than a brushing of lips first before it turned into something more. Luke’s hand on your cheek made its way up to your hair, fingers tangling in the strands, as he pulled you impossibly closer with the hand around your waist before pressing you against the wall. Your hands found themselves pressed against his chest as you let yourself explore it and the kiss…

The kiss was filled with a mix of emotions, so much passion, so much longing, so much desperation. This was a kiss that was years in the making, a kiss both of you had only let yourselves dream about, neither of you thinking it would ever become a reality.

You were forced apart when both of your phones chimed at the same time, Luke pulling away first and the pair of you breathing heavily as you caught your breath, Luke’s forehead coming back down to rest against yours as he grinned at you and you mirrored the expression back.

“I promise you, cariño, the second this case is done I am taking you out.” Luke promised and you couldn’t stop the breathless laugh that escaped you as you nodded and put his shirt back into place.

“I’ll hold you to that, Alvez.” His smile seemed to get even wider as he ran his hands through your hair, smoothing the strands he had held.

Your phone’s pinged again and Luke sighed before dipping his head down one more to press a rushed kiss against your lips. When he pulled away for a second time he pulled his phone out and showed you that you were both needed back in the briefing room.

As the two of you entered Luke held your chair out for you and you felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled at him before sitting down, glancing over at Luke as he rested his hand on your knee but he focused his attention on Emily though you could see the smile pulling at his lips.

When you finally looked away from him you caught Rossi and Penelope’s gaze. Rossi looked at you with a proud smile on his face, even if it was slightly smug and you couldn’t help but smile back at him as he winked at you. Penelope’s face had broken out into a full on grin that wasn’t entirely appropriate considering what Emily was saying but you let your smile widen as you looked at her, glad things had worked out and she wasn’t mad at you.

As Emily spoke you sat back in your seat. Luke liked you back, something you never thought would happen and wished like hell you had just spoken to Penelope about this years ago but it didn’t matter now. Now all you needed to do was solve the case, something that seemed possible now, especially with the motivation of a date with Luke at the end of it.

__________

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He's Coming For You, I Promise

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Angstember Prompt -  "You have to wake up. Please wake up, for me."

It wasn’t that your Master didn’t trust you to go out alone, you knew he didn’t doubt your abilities but he did prefer having you close by, preferred to have you within arms length so that if a situation happened to turn bad he could keep an eye on you. You didn’t hate his protectiveness but you did wish that during one of the few times he had let you go off without him after much arguing on your behalf, wanting to prove you could do something without his help, that it didn’t go terribly wrong.

Thankfully he hadn’t sent you in completely alone but still the one man he had sent with you was fairing just as well against the droid army, who were definitely not supposed to be there, as you were. Cody and you were back to back with one another, him blasting as many droids as he could whilst you used both your lightsaber and the Force to do the same.

The mission was supposed to be fairly easy, the Jedi Council had enough intel about this base to know that it had been abandoned fairly quickly and that there could be information that was useful to them left behind. You had it on good authority that there may be a few droids who were left but the army had been taken.

It should have been a straight forward mission, you and Cody walk into the base, search it for anything that could help the Jedi and leave. Maybe take down one or two droids whilst you were there but nothing overly taxing.

Instead you and Cody had landed and it had been quiet, no defences, no droids, nothing but the abandoned base you were promised. It wasn’t until you got to the door that the droid army flooded out, surrounding you on all sides before you could even register what had happened. From there it all seemed to be a blur until you saw Cody go flying to the floor and you were blocking hits from every direction.

It was useless to fight back, impossible to gain the upper hand against so many droids. You tried to use your comms link to alert your Master, to alert anyone who might be listening, but at some point during the fight the comms link that rested on your wrist had been hit and only silence came from it.

Sweat ran from your forehead and your breathing was coming out in pants as you continued swinging your lightsaber in one hand and the other was directing droids into each other, tossing them as far back into each other using the Force as possible in a desperate attempt to gain the upper hand.

You fought back as hard as you could, mind screaming in hope that Obi-Wan would sense your distress through the Force wherever he might be. Just like the comms link you only heard silence. 

One of the droids managed to catch you off guard, somehow landing a hit that had your lightsaber flying out of your hand and your hand itself was left in burning pain. Before you even had time to react, to use the Force to guide your lightsaber back to you, shocks ran throughout your entire body as you twitched and screamed before everything turned dark.

“And once Master Windu and his men have completed the ground assault we’ll come in from here and here,” Anakin instructed, his gaze on the holo map as he pointed to different points of entry. 

The words were lost to Obi-Wan, he had been listening to his former Padawan until he felt something that had him tensing, hand moving towards the lightsaber on his hip as he tried to figure out exactly what was wrong.

“Master?” Anakin asked, finally looking away from the map and over to Obi-Wan, taking in his far away look and tense form. “Master!”

“Something’s wrong.” Obi-Wan murmured, a frown on his face as he felt fear through the bond you shared and his heart almost stopped as he felt the bond go silent. “Have we had word from Y/N or Cody?”

“No Sir, they haven’t checked in yet.” Rex told him and Obi-Wan felt panic building inside him. 

“Anakin, you’ll have to lead this mission without me and send my apologies to Master Windu.” Obi-Wan told him, already ordering for a cruiser to be ready for him as he turned to leave.

“Wait, Master!” Anakin called, following Obi-Wan and stopping him with a hand to his arm, “What’s happening?”

“Something has happened to Y/N, maybe Cody too. I have to go.” Obi-Wan told him shortly, tugging his arm away from Anakin and making his way to the hangar bay, glancing towards Anakin as he continued to follow him.

“You’re sure they’re in danger? Maybe they’re just-” Anakin began, knowing full well how quickly missions could turn and make it impossible to check in.

“They’re in danger, she’s, Y/N’s in danger, Anakin, and I sent her there.” Obi-Wan told him, desperately trying to keep his emotions at bay, to stop the onslaught of images that invaded his mind of all the things that could be happening to you. “I sent her there.”

“Master,” Anakin said, struggling for words. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d saw Obi-Wan like this, “She’ll be fine-”

“You can’t guarantee that Anakin.” Obi-Wan protested, cutting Anakin off again.

“Yes I can because you trained her and even if something has happened she’ll still be fine because you’re going to make sure she is. She knows you’re coming, Obi-Wan.” Anakin told him, the two of them coming to a stop outside of the cruiser and Obi-Wan turned towards his old Padawan, worry clear in his eyes but his shoulders did drop a little as the tension left them at his words. “Bring them home safe, Master.”

As you came back to yourself you groaned as shocks pulsed throughout your entire body. You tried to open your eyes but found they were too heavy, your entire body felt heavy, your body being forced to stay upright making you feel every bit of pain from the shocks.

“Sir?” You heard somebody call and it took a few moments to register that the voice belonged to Cody.  You tried to answer him but all that left your lips was another pained groan as your body jolted weakly as it was shocked once more. “Can you hear me?”

It seemed like an eternity passed before you managed to pull your eyes open, blinking them shut harshly despite the fact the room wasn’t that well lit. After a few more seconds though you managed to open them properly and looked over to where Cody was being held next to you, his own body pulsing with the shocks.

“Where are we?” You managed to ask weakly, crying out softly as more shocks hit you.

“I’m not sure,” Cody told you, pausing to let out a pained grunt before continuing, “nobody has been in since I woke up. I can’t send word to the General either.” He told you, nodding down to the broken comms unit on his wrist.

“Obi-Wan,” You began but cut yourself off as the shocks seemed to get worse all of a sudden, one after the other in rapid motion, the intensity of them increasing with each one and you couldn’t stop the tears that poured down your face. “Obi-Wan please,” You started to say but the pain became too much and you slipped off again.

Obi-Wan could hardly remember the trip to the planet you were on, what he did know is that it was much too far away. It was just over two days after he had set off that he was landing on the planet's sandy ground, cursing himself for sending you so far away, anything could have happened to you in the two days' travel.

Since he couldn’t land outside the base he had landed a few klicks away, thankfully it wasn’t too far a distance and before long he could see the base as well as the damage you and Cody must have caused before something happened to you.

The number of droids was alarming to say the least, dozens of them lay defeated at his feet and these were just the ones two people were able to take down, Obi-Wan shuddered to think just how many there had been. Clearly their intel had been very wrong, to go from an abandoned base to one protected by a droid army.

As he walked further down towards the entrance he paused as something glistened under the suns and felt his heart sink as he saw your lightsaber laying there, knowing you wouldn’t lose it unless something had happened to you.

Obi-Wan shook his head as he picked it up before he forced himself to move, no time to think about what it meant now, the only important thing was getting you out alive.

“You have to stay awake, Y/N.” Cody said from somewhere at your side but your eyes remained shut.

You had no idea how long you’d been here, in the time you had been there though multiple creatures had entered the room, all of them demanding information about things you didn’t even know about. You were only a Padawan and told them as much, it wasn’t like you were a member of the Council, you had no idea of the information they knew.

Still the creatures refused to believe you and each of them had different tactics to make you talk, all of them ending with you sobbing, bleeding, screaming and pleading for Obi-Wan. Your body was exhausted and battered, your throat was painfully sore from the screaming and you struggled to stay awake. When they weren’t torturing you they had you held up in a containment field and continued to shock you every few seconds, your body never getting a single moment of relief.

“Open your eyes, Sir.” Cody demanded hoarsely, he wasn’t in as bad a state as you were, having only been bound and shocked repeatedly. You knew he would have traded places with you in a heartbeat but the creatures only wanted you, they figured a Padawan of a Jedi Council member must hold all the knowledge Obi-Wan had.

“Obi-Wan,” You managed to choke out, tears silently running down your face as each breath pained you. “Obi-”

“He’s coming for you,” Cody promised and you tried to open your eyes, tried to look over at him but it was so hard to move your body. “He’s coming for you, Y/N, I promise but you have to stay awake, you hear me?”

You wanted to tell him that yes, you heard him but your body refused to cooperate, refused to do as you wanted it to. Instead you felt yourself drifting off again, Cody’s voice eventually fading into nothing as you lost consciousness. 

The base was a large, almost factory-like building with many doors and although Obi-Wan managed to enter the base without much difficulty, taking out a droid or two, he was having a much more difficult time locating you now that he couldn’t feel you through the Force though he refused to think about that too much, refused to let himself think about what it could mean.

“Oh no, a Jedi.” One of the droids said once Obi-Wan had made his way deep enough into the building to find a section that had much more activity.

“Where is the girl?” He asked, lightsaber raised at the ready.

When he received nothing but threats he was quick to take down the droids until one remained and he watched as it dropped its gun to point down a long corridor. With a nod he made quick work of that droid too so it didn’t alert whoever was holding you of his presence. 

He made his way down the corridor, lightsaber in front of him lighting his path down. He listened as he passed each door and began to lose hope in this direction, figuring the droid had been lying when he saw two more stood in front of a door a few more steps away from him.

Obi-Wan didn’t hesitate to move forward, quickly dismantling the two droids before letting out an annoyed huff when he tried the door only to realise it could only be accessed with a facial scan. It didn’t take him more than a second to jam the lightsaber through the door, cutting a circle big enough for him to get through and using the Force to quickly move the piece.

“General?” He heard a hoarse voice from inside as he climbed through to see Cody. “General, she needs you.”

At those words his attention turned to where Cody nodded, his heart stopping as he saw you being held up, your body was slumped in on itself. From where he stood at the door he could see bruises and blood and he could only watch in horror as your body weakly jolted as shocks assaulted you.

Quickly he snapped himself out of his frozen state and ran over to you, easily freeing you from the binds holding you in place and catching you as you fell. It didn’t take him much effort to pick you up, carrying you in his arms as he made his way to Cody, freeing him from his binds too and handing him a blaster.

“It’s good to see you, Sir.” Cody said, relief clear in his voice and Obi-Wan nodded as he tightened his grip on you though still being careful of the many wounds. “She knew you’d come.” 

Those words sent a warm feeling through him and he had to force it down until he knew you were going to be ok. 

“It’s good to see you too, now let’s get out of here.” Obi-Wan said and thankfully whoever was holding you still didn’t seem to know Obi-Wan had broken in and rescued the two of you. There was no struggle getting out of the building, Cody dealing with a few droids here and there but nothing like when you had first arrived.

It was as you all boarded the ship the droid army flooded out of the building and Obi-Wan was quick to start the engine and put some much needed distance between you and them, narrowly avoiding the shots being fired at them.

“What in the stars happened out here?” Obi-Wan asked Cody, glancing back to where he had placed you in one of the seats, his robe wrapped around you as you remained unconscious. 

“There were so many of them, Sir, no matter how hard we fought back, more of them kept coming. They got me first, I-I should have protected her but-”

“Cody, this isn’t your fault.” Obi-Wan assured but the trooper just sighed before continuing.

“I woke first and we were being held in that room. Nobody came in whilst I was awake but once Y/N woke these creatures came and started,” Cody cut himself off as fury ran through his veins, hating how useless he had been, not able to free himself to help you, “Sir, they tortured her, they wanted information about a holocron? Something about all future Jedi? I don’t know, Sir, but they seemed to think Y/N had the information they wanted. She’s been in and out of consciousness for a while but passed out not long before you got there.” 

The rest of the trip was fairly silent. It was a two day journey back and in that time you hadn’t woken up once. Obi-Wan had to force himself not to panic, to focus on getting you back home and straight to the medical facility. 

Cody had taken over flying the ship after a day's rest with the instruction that Obi-Wan should be with you and Obi-Wan was hardly going to protest to that. As he sat beside you, holding your hand gently in his as his thumb brushed the bruised skin he couldn’t stop the tears that came to his eyes. 

“You have to wake up.” He whispered to you as he lifted your hand to his lips, pressing a soft gentle kiss to the back of it as he let the tears fall down his cheeks. “Please wake up, for me.”

His desperate plea received no response and he could do little more than sit by your side and cry until he was forced to collect himself as Cody landed the ship and he lifted you into his arms again. 

Anakin was already waiting in the hangar bay along with Rex, a medical droid beside them and transport waiting to take you to the medical facility. He shot Anakin a thankful look, his former Padawan nodding back with a sympathetic smile before his gaze strayed down to you in Obi-Wan’s arms. 

Obi-Wan lay you down as gently as possible, his robes still covering your body and most of the visible bruises, though the two who had gathered to greet you winced at the cuts and bruises on your face, Obi-Wan having cleaned the blood as best he could on the journey back.

“I have to check in with the Council,” Obi-Wan announced after the medical droid promised to take you over to the medical facility, “Cody make sure you’re treated too.”

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin protested as the medical droid and Cody left with you, “the Council can wait, she needs you now.”

“I’m not sure what help I can be to her now, Anakin. At least by speaking to the Council we can arrange further investigation into exactly what happened out there.” Obi-Wan told him but truthfully all he wanted to do was follow you, hating to be separated from you when he’d only just gotten you back.

“Well fill me in and I’ll inform the council of what happened out there.” And in that moment Obi-Wan had never been more thankful for the man in front of him, a grateful smile spreading across his face as he reached up to squeeze Anakin’s shoulder.

“Thank you Anakin.” He said, trying to get across just how much he meant those words and the smile Anakin gave him in return showed his meaning was clear and so with that he told Anakin what Cody had told him before parting ways and making his way over to you.

By the time he arrived at the medical facility you were still being patched up by the medical droids, bacta salve covering most of your body as they worked on stitching cuts Obi-Wan hadn’t even seen. He stood back and let them work though he desperately wanted to be next to you. He noticed Cody in the bed next to yours, armour completely removed as he rested, the exhaustion finally taking over knowing that the two of you were home and safe. 

The medical droids seemed to work on you for hours but eventually they pulled away from you, running one last check to make sure you were ok before they left, one of them making their way over to Obi-Wan.

“Is she going to be ok?” He asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“She has suffered severe electro shocks, we cannot confirm how much harm this has done until she is awake. She may be fine, sore but fine, or she may lose feeling in certain areas. The burns will heal with repeated treatments. Her breathing is stable after the shocks caused some difficulty. Her wounds are treatable, repeated treatments will see them clearing up though some may scar. She will be fine.” The medical droid told him and Obi-Wan almost sobbed in relief at hearing last those four words.

“Thank you,” He said tearfully, “When will she wake?”

“I cannot say. After the abuse her body has withstood it has forced itself to shut off, both to stop feeling the pain and because of the exhaustion she felt. It could be a matter of hours or days but she will wake.” The droid said and Obi-Wan drew a shaky breath, nodding his thanks before making his way over to the chair that had been left at the side of your bed.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Obi-Wan whispered, the words mumbled against the back of your hand that he had taken in his and brought up to his lips to press a gentle kiss to, “I should never have sent you out there, I should have been with you.”

Eventually Obi-Wan’s tears stopped falling and it wasn’t long until he fell asleep with his head resting on the bed, hand still entwined with yours.

Days passed with no movement from you, Obi-Wan only had the constant beep of the heart monitor telling him you were ok as he sat by your side day in and day out. There was a war going on outside the room, one that he should be involved in, giving orders to men who counted on him and yet he found that he didn’t care. Anything that took him away from your side wasn’t worth it.

Thankfully Anakin hadn’t hesitated to fill Obi-Wan’s space, telling his Master that he would make sure everything was going to plan and his only job was making sure you made a full recovery. Obi-Wan hadn’t thought he could feel more grateful towards Anakin than he had the day he’d arrived back at base with you but his former Padawan continued to prove him wrong.

Even though you had yet to wake your injuries were healing themselves, the burns had eased, the bruises had faded and most of your stitches had been removed. The only thing left was for your body to overcome the exhaustion so that you could wake up. 

“How is she doing?” Anakin asked as he entered the medical facility, Rex, Ashoka and Cody, who had been released some days ago after receiving the all clear, all in tow.

“Still sleeping.” Obi-Wan sighed, his thumb brushing against the back of your hand. 

“She’ll wake soon, Master.” Anakin assured as he sat on your other side, reaching up to brush a piece of hair back from your face. 

Obi-Wan didn’t doubt Anakin’s words, he knew you were strong, knew that you’d push through but the waiting was agonising, all he wanted was for you to open your eyes, to see that you were ok.

You come back to wakefulness and the first thing you noticed was that you couldn’t feel any pain, a few aches here and there but nothing compared to the pain you had felt the last time you were awake and blessedly you couldn’t feel any more shocks. 

You tried to pry your eyes open but found they wouldn’t cooperate which sent a spike of anxiety through you, you wanted to open them, wanted to see where you were and if you were safe, you wanted to know that Cody was ok.

A soft, quiet voice stopped you from attempting to open your eyes and you felt an overpowering sense of relief and happiness once you were able to identify just who the voice belonged to. 

“I really do wish you’d wake up, Y/N.” He whispered, he wasn’t alone in his worry for you anymore. Your friends' worry grew with each passing day and the medical droids had been stumped after two weeks passed with no movement from you. “We all miss you. I miss you, Y/N, I miss you terribly despite being by your side everyday. I miss your laugh, I miss seeing your eyes, miss seeing them light up. I shouldn’t care so much for you, I know the Jedi would condemn me for having such an attachment to you but I find it impossible to stop myself when it comes to you. I wish I were brave enough to tell you but- that doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you get better. I should never have sent you to that base, I should have been by your side the way it has been since our first day together. I just- I really wish you’d wake up.”

You couldn’t move if you wanted to but in that moment you were glad you were frozen, not wanting a single twitch of your finger to cut Obi-Wan’s words off, not when they were the very ones you’d longed to hear. 

You felt the gentle kiss pressed to the back of your hand, felt his thumb brushing against the same place but no more words left his lips. You didn’t mind, more content to feel his touch as it soothed your panic away over your frozen state. 

Even if you couldn’t move yet, even if you couldn’t force your eyes to open, it didn’t matter. You knew you were safe, Obi-Wan had saved you and he was sitting by your side. Whenever Obi-Wan was around you knew you were safe, knew that no harm would come to you and that helped you drift off into an actual sleep for the first time in weeks. 

The second time you woke you were worried you were still in that base, bound and waiting for any chance of rescue but then you felt the hand in yours and knew you were safe, knew Obi-Wan’s words and soft touches hadn’t been a dream but instead it was reality and you found this time around you could blink awake. 

Your eyes were heavy and it took a few attempts to pry them open but eventually you managed, scrunching them shut against the bright lights in whatever room you were in, probably the medical facility if Obi-Wan had his way and you weren’t conscious to fight him over it. 

You couldn’t stop the soft smile that spread across your face as you saw Obi-Wan, his hand was still holding yours but he was slumped over in the uncomfortable chairs the medical facility had, his head resting on the mattress next to your hip. You could see his face clearly and the dark circles under his eyes, had he stayed with you this whole time? That’s what he had said, right, ‘I miss you terribly despite being by your side everyday’.

Your smile grew wider until it was taken away as pain spread through your body as you tried to shift, Obi-Wan immediately sitting up, worry clear in his bleary eyes. 

You saw the exact moment his sleep-addled mind recognised you were awake, watching as his eyes widened and he seemed to freeze, only able to stare at you in shock. The shock quickly faded into relief, his shoulders relaxing at seeing your eyes open for the first time in however long it had been. 

“Y/N,” he said, the word so soft, barely a whisper like he was afraid he was dreaming this moment, like the second he spoke the scene would shift back to your unconscious body. 

You couldn’t stop the tears that filled your eyes at hearing his voice. Even though you had seen him, seen the medical facility and knew Obi-Wan had saved you there was still some part of you that needed something more, needed to hear Obi-Wan again to know you were truly ok. 

“It’s alright, Y/N,” Obi-Wan told you, keeping his voice soft as he watched tears flow uncontrollably down your cheeks. Sobs of relief, of fear, of overwhelment leaving you and he was quick to move from the chair to join you on the bed, enough room on it for him to lay down next to you and pull you into his chest. “You’re ok, I have you now.”

You clung to Obi-Wan’s robe, letting him surround you completely both in the Force and in person, his comforting, soothing presence letting you know just how safe you were. Obi-Wan’s whispered words of comfort, of praise, washed over you and you could do little else but lean into the man, letting him hold you, fingers running up and down your arm as he somehow pulled you even closer.

You couldn’t say just how long you lay there for just letting Obi-Wan hold you but eventually your tears turned into little sniffs. You made no move to pull away from him, attempting to burrow yourself deeper into his chest and smiling when you felt the man chuckle.  

“You’re safe.” Obi-Wan promised you, mumbling the words into your hair before placing a soft kiss there. “I have you, you’re alright.”

“Obi-Wan,” you whispered into his chest, gripping the fabric of his robe even tighter in your fist, “Obi-Wan.”

“I’m here, dear one, I have you now.” Obi-Wan assured you.

“Thank you,” you said, repeated the words a few times before Obi-Wan shushed you, silencing you gently and bringing one hand up to cup the back of your head, playing with your hair causing you to relax further into him, eyes falling closed knowing you could drift off again safe in the man’s arms, knowing no harm could come to you so long as were here.

________

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Prompt - ‘Now this is an open-shut case I guess I should've known from the look on your face.’

Whenever Buck was around things were just easier. He made everything around him lighter, always there with a warm smile and would do anything for anyone. It hadn’t taken long for the two of you to become friends, to be inseparably joined at the hip. It wasn’t just that you worked well together, able to read each other without needing words, you were close once the shift ended, whereas most people who spent as much time as you did with your colleagues would part ways, you and Buck left together and spent hours at each other's side.

You knew that your feelings for Buck went deeper than just friendship, it was obvious to anybody looking at the pair of you that you were half way in love with the man. It was also painfully obvious that Buck was right there with you but you couldn’t see it, not even when the others told you about the way Buck looked at you, not even when they insisted that the two of you would be perfect together.

When you looked at Buck you couldn't see how he felt, sure he was all soft smiles and gentle touches but he was the same with all his friends. You couldn’t guess from the look on his face that he could want more than what you had.

You often found yourself getting lost around Buck, gazing at him whilst he spoke as you tried to see what the others claimed was obvious but you never could. Occasionally you thought something could have been there, some longing glance or adoring look but you always shook your head, convincing yourself that you were just seeing what you wanted to see.

You were content with what you had though, you had to be otherwise it would drive you crazy, you had to be because if you weren’t it meant you’d mess up what you already had with Buck and you couldn’t do that. You’d rather silently pine whilst dreaming about what it would be like to love Buck and be loved back than not have him around at all.

It drove the others crazy that neither of you could see what could be, how easy it would be for the two of you to have one little conversation that would lead to so much happiness. They'd watched you and Buck from day one, seen the way your eyes were immediately drawn to him as Bobby introduced you to the team, saw the way Buck jumped at every opportunity to show you around and helped you with the copious amounts of chores given to you as a probie.

The two of you were perfect for each other, you could go from bantering and teasing into deep and meaning conversations, you were capable of getting Buck to let down his walls, him telling you things he had never shared with anyone before, likewise Buck was probably the person on the planet who knew you best. Whilst it was tempting to shake the two of you by the shoulders until you saw sense or lock you in a room until things were resolved everybody knew that you and Buck had to do this alone, with or without their intervention it was pretty much guaranteed that you two would get together.

It wasn’t just in the way you and Buck could flip between serious and playful when the situation called for it. It was the way you would take one look at Buck, needing only a second to scan his features, before you disobeyed Bobby’s direct orders and followed Buck into a burning building, trusting his judgement and following where he went without a second thought, knowing you’d follow him wherever he went for as long as he’d have you whether it was into his car on the way home or into the flames. It was the way he wrapped his arm around you so casually drawing you closer to him, the way his hand squeezed yours so softly in the truck whenever he could see a call had affected you. It was the way you sat on the counter as you watched him dance around as he spent hours cooking a meal just for the two of you. It was the little moments that would be so meaningless to others that you held close, that made you fall further and further for Buck.

There were so many times you’d just wanted to beg him to show you he felt the same, beg him to take your hand and never let go. You were content with what you had but you could selfishly want more too.

Despite the fact that both of you wanted so badly, nothing happened between the two of you for years, long painful years filled with the most beautiful memories. By this point you knew it was love, there wasn’t another word for the rush of emotions you still felt whenever Buck smiled at you, whenever you watched him scoop Christopher up to greet him, when you watched him punch at the bags in the gym, when he held you in his arms, it was love.  

The others liked to joke that it would take a miracle for you and Buck to finally see that you had practically been dating for all this time. It seemed the universe agreed with the sentiment of wanting you and Buck together but instead of a miracle it gave you a tragedy instead.

It was a call that sounded bad from the get-go and by the time you rolled up to the scene the fire was out of control, already engulfing the two buildings to the side of it. If it was bad outside it was even worse inside. Obviously you were used to feeling the heat of the flames way too close for comfort, it was the job after all, but something about this one felt different, the flames engulfed everything around them, the ceiling was collapsing in on each floor, cutting off exits. Smoke was thick in the air as you made your way through the building, Buck ahead of you as he cleared the way before helping you through.

In the distance a floor or two up you could hear a child crying hysterically, choking on tears and smoke but at least they were still breathing. You and Buck didn’t know how much time you had but it wasn’t long so the two of you tried to work your way upwards, the stairs not an option anymore. You made it up one floor, the sweat pouring off both of you when the radios cracked to life.

“118, evacuate the building.” Bobby’s voice called through and Buck’s head whipped around to look at you, his eyes shifting from yours to the ceiling, the child’s cries closer now. “I repeat evacuate the building, it’s been declared too unstable, it’s going to crumble any moment.”

You and Buck stayed silent, gazes locked on each other for a few seconds as the rest of the team confirmed they were moving out.

“Buck, Y/N, come in.” Bobby called and Buck shook his head.

“What do you want to do?” You asked him, knowing already what his answer would be. Neither of you would be able to leave without at least trying.

“I’m not leaving.” Buck told you and you nodded that was all you needed and you gestured for him to carry on. “Y/N/N, you gotta leave.”

“Not happening, Buck. Hurry, we don't have long.” You told him, seeing the wide eyed soft look he was giving you behind his helmet and any other time you’d be lost in that expression, thinking it over and over but right now wasn’t the time.

“Take my hand.” Buck said as he struggled over the rubble, holding a hand out to help you and you slid your hand into his palm, even with the heavy uniform you couldn’t help but savour the moment.

Bobby’s voice called through the radio again and as you and Buck headed towards the crying child you listened to Buck arguing with him, refusing to leave before turning the radio off completely.

“If we get out of here alive Bobby’s gonna kill you for that.” You told him and couldn't help the pull of your lips as he laughed before pulling himself up another floor, using the rubble to help him.

“Yeah probably but what else is new?” He grinned, holding his hand out again for you and you let him help you pull you up.

The whole building seemed to shake and Buck grabbed onto your arms, pulling you closer as you waited for something to happen, neither of you breathing until a few seconds passed and the building just about stayed standing.

The sound of the child’s screeching cries snapped you back into action, both of your heads turning right in the direction before Buck let go of you with a nod. You nodded back and followed after him with careful steps, keeping your eyes on Buck and desperately trying to focus on him and not the building that was minutes away from collapsing.

“I got her!” Buck called as he climbed through the rubble and picked the child up, she couldn’t have been more than four, her face red and tear stained as more flooded down her cheeks. “C’mere kid, I gotcha.”

Buck picked the girl up and she went willingly, clinging to Buck’s neck as he walked back over to the pile of rubble blocking the room.

“Hey, I’m gonna pass you to my friend, is that alright? She’s real nice and she’ll take care of you.” Buck murmured to the girl and you couldn’t help but smile as he pried her fingers off him and gently passed her through the gap he had made. “That’s it, you got her.”

Just as you took the girl from him the building gave another violent shake that had you and Buck freezing again, the girl letting out a cry as she buried her head against your coat. This shake was worse than the one earlier and lasted longer and you felt sick to your stomach as you kept your eyes on Buck. Buck went to say something, you could see his mouth opening before he frowned and looked up just as the building shook again and before you could even register what was happening Buck had disappeared from view and where he had stood was now filled with rubble.

You were frozen to the spot for a few seconds before you let out a shuddering breath, head shaking as tears filled your eyes.

“Buck!” You yelled, knowing it was wrong but you placed the girl against the opposite wall and began trying to dig your way through the rubble, desperately calling Buck’s name as you struggled against the heavy pieces of ceiling.

“Buck please, come on!” You sobbed before snatching your radio from your coat and calling for Bobby.

“Y/N, what happened? The two of you need to get out of there now!” Bobby ordered but you shook your head, tears falling down your cheeks as you struggled to breath. “Y/N!”

“Bobby,” You choked out, “Bobby I’ve got a kid here but I can’t, I can’t leave him, Bobby, please.”

You would be surprised if Bobby could make out your words, your breath coming out in quick panicked gasps and you were choking on tears as you let the radio go to keep trying to dig through the rubble, making no progress, every time you moved one piece three more seemed to fill its place.

The radio was silent for a few moments before Bobby’s voice came through again.

“Stay where you are, I'm coming in.” Bobby told you and before the radio cut off you could hear somebody protesting but you didn’t care. Bobby would come in and get the girl and you knew you weren’t leaving without Buck.

The flames were closing in and you knew you didn’t have long left. From below you could hear footsteps and you looked towards the room Buck was trapped in and the flames quickly creeping towards the opening you’d used to get onto this floor.

You picked the girl up again and ran over to the opening, already seeing Bobby, Chimney and Eddie coming towards you, putting out as many of the flames as they could. You were already lowering the girl down and Chimney was quick to grab her but you didn’t stick around after that, you were instantly back at the pile of rubble, gloved hands desperately trying to free Buck.

“Buck, Buck please, please I need you. I can’t lose you, not you.” You sobbed out, pleading with anyone who would listen to just let Buck be ok. There was so much left unsaid between the two of you and you promised yourself you’d tell him everything, you’d tell him you loved him, tell him you didn’t ever want to picture your life without him at your side, you tell him everything if you got the chance to.

You hadn’t even heard Bobby and Eddie join you until you saw their hands dragging rubble away too. The building gave another shake but this time you didn’t freeze, you kept digging, kept pleading, kept sobbing. You needed to get Buck out.

Finally, finally, you managed to get into the room. The ceiling had caved in, crashing down into the room and bringing furniture from upstairs through with it. It was bad but thankfully not bad enough that you couldn’t move around the room. Your eyes found Buck immediately, trapped underneath a piece of rubble, a cut on his head was bleeding and his eyes were closed.

Between the three of you, you managed to free Buck from the rubble, you couldn’t see if he was more injured than just the head wound with the coat covering him but you prayed that he was fine, he had to be because you didn’t know what you’d do if he wasn’t.

The building was shaking now, the foundation ready to crumble and Bobby and Eddie wasted no time in lifting Buck between them and quickly but carefully carried him from the building. Just as Buck was being loaded into the ambulance you heard a rumble and glanced behind you just in time to see the building cave in on itself, the two next to it following in suit.

You didn’t care though, just climbed into the ambulance next to Buck and sat still as you watched the paramedics assess him. Silent tears made their way down your face but you couldn’t stop the choked sob that escaped you when they took his coat off and saw a blood soaked shirt underneath.

The paramedic cut the shirt off to reveal a wound that was still bleeding, the blood seemingly just pouring out. It looked like a piece of the rubble or something else that had fallen through when the ceiling had managed to practically slice him deeply from his stomach across to just above his hip.

“Is he gonna be ok?” You asked and the paramedic shot you a look before getting to work on cleaning and trying to stop the bleeding.

It was still bleeding when you got to the hospital.

They rushed him into surgery as soon as he was out of the ambulance and you followed him into the hospital, told to wait in the waiting room. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do so you did nothing, you stood where they had left you, people moving around you like you were nothing more than a ghost, only able to stand and stare at the doors Buck had been taken behind.

You had no idea how long you stood there, still as a statue with tears falling down your face, but eventually there was a hand on your shoulder. You still didn’t move but you at least registered when Bobby moved to stand in front of you, his own eyes teary but ever the leader he didn’t let them fall, not whilst his team needed him.

“Come on, there’s a room for us to wait in.” Bobby told you softly but you barely heard the words, they sounded like you were underwater, drowning in fear and panic and you could do nothing but wait and see if you’d sink or swim.

Bobby gently took your hand in his and you let him lead you through the halls of the hospital, paying no attention to your surroundings. The rest of the team were already in the room, looking up when you entered but you barely even saw them. Bobby just shook his head and led you to one of the seats, softly pushing you into it before taking the seat next to you.

You didn’t know how long you had sat there, staring ahead but not seeing anything, your thoughts racing, picturing a million and one different scenarios. There were so many things you wanted to say, needed to say. If something happened to Buck, if the worst case scenario happened and he didn’t know you loved him, it would haunt you for the rest of your life.

Bobby’s hand periodically squeezing yours in a gentle but firm grip was the only thing keeping you grounded to reality. Hours passed by without you noticing, no doctors had entered the private waiting room the team had been given. No news was good news though you supposed, it at least meant that Buck was still alive and that was all you could ask for right now.

Eventually though somebody did interrupt the silence, a tired looking doctor entered the room and everyone was immediately on their feet, not daring to breathe as they waited to hear the verdict.

“Mr Buckley made it through the surgery successfully,” the doctor told you all and there was a collective sigh of relief throughout the room, your hand squeezing Bobby’s tightly. “We were able to stop the bleeding and stitch up the wound on his stomach.”

“So he’s going to be ok?” Eddie asked and you felt your heart stop as the doctor was silent for a beat too long. “He’s gonna be ok, right?”

“The wound on the stomach won’t be an issue. It’s the head wound we’re worried about. After taking scans we can see swelling but won’t be able to determine how serious it is until Mr Buckley wakes up.” The doctor said and you felt a fresh wave of tears fill your eyes.

“And when will he wake up?” Bobby asked, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye  before focusing on the man.

“I can’t say for sure, it could be a matter of hours or it could be days.” The doctor informed you honestly and you took a shaky breath, speaking for the first time in hours.

“Can we see him?” You asked, voice cracking on the words and you felt Bobby’s thumb brush along your skin comfortingly.

“I’m afraid only one of you will be allowed in the room with him and visiting hours will be over in an hour.” The doctor said before giving the group directions to Buck’s room and excusing himself.

“Go on then, Y/N/N.” Eddie said, causing you to look over at him with a frown but before you could say anything he spoke again. “He’d want it to be you.”

You were silent for a few moments, looking around at the rest of the team who smiled and nodded at you and you suddenly felt a huge burst of love for these people who had become your family. When you turned to Bobby he smiled softly down at you before giving your hand one last squeeze and letting go.

“Thank you.” You managed to choke out before leaving the room and following the doctor's directions.

You had to pause outside of his room before you could enter, looking in through the window at Buck in the bed. He looked peaceful, he didn't look like he was in pain, paler than he should have been and a line of stitches trailing up into his hairline from his forehead.

You took another shaky breath before forcing your feet forward and into the room, sitting down on the edge of the only chair placed next to the bed and taking Buck’s hand in yours carefully.

“I don’t know if you can even hear me,” You said after a long beat of silence where you could only run your eyes across his features. “But if you can, I really need you to wake up, Buck, because I can’t lose you. You’re the best thing in my life and the thought of you not being here with me-”

You cut yourself of with a choked sob, leaning forward until your forehead rested against your joined hands. For so long it had been you and Buck, inseparable, the closest of friends, never seeing one without the other. Of course in your line of work it was always a possibility that something would happen but you tried to ignore it, until moments like this, until you couldn’t anymore. You knew full well you were all in with Buck, in it until the end, just like how you knew that if you hadn’t been able to get him out of that building before then you wouldn’t have left either.

“You have to come back to me because there’s so much I need to tell you, so much I should have already said but I couldn’t but we don’t know what’s gonna happen and we should take every chance we can to be happy, right? And it’s you Buck, it’s always been you who makes me happy. It’s always been you.” You told him, knowing he couldn’t hear you but still it felt good to say it out loud. “Because I love you, Buck. I knew from the moment I met you that one day it would be love.”

You didn’t say more than that, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak through the tears and quiet sobs. Time seemed to pass too quickly because before you knew it a nurse was knocking on the door, giving you a sympathetic smile as she told you visiting hours were over.

You nodded at her and stood up, wiping at your cheeks and ignoring the way more tears replaced them and instead leaned down to place a kiss to Buck’s cheek, letting yourself linger there for a few seconds before pulling away with a whispered goodbye. Once you left the room you only managed to get to the end of the hallway before your knees gave out and sobs wracked your body.

You never hit the floor though, strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you into a chest, fingers carding through your hair. You couldn’t make out what the voice was saying but you could feel the rumbles. You couldn’t see through the tears but that didn't matter, the arms felt safe and your hand came up to clutch at a shirt.

You didn’t remember moving but you felt yourself being sat down on a chair and brought deeper into a pair of arms. You couldn’t say how long you sat like that for before the sobs turned into shuddering breaths and the world started to come back to you.

“There you go, that’s it, just breathe.” The voice was saying and you pushed away from the chest when you recognised it as Bobby’s voice. “You’re ok, take it easy.”

“What are you still doing here?” You managed to choke out, voice hoarse from how much crying you’d done today.

“I wasn’t going to leave you alone. I already called Athena and told her I’d be staying with you tonight, you wouldn’t mind the company would you?” Bobby asked and again you felt so much love fill you because you had no doubt that if it wasn’t Bobby insisting on being her for you it would be one of the others.

“Thank you.” You told him sincerely, nodding your head whilst desperately trying to choke back more tears. “Seriously Bobby, thank you.”

“It’s what families are for.” Bobby shrugged like it was no big deal but both of you knew how meaningful it was, this team who had become a family, who loved each other so deeply meant everything.

Since you’d rode in the ambulance and Bobby had followed behind in the truck, Bobby ordered the two of you an Uber, waiting outside in the cool air for it to arrive. It wasn’t long before you were home, taking a shower because the smell of smoke and fire clung to your skin.

It felt wrong to be here when Buck was still at the hospital, he should be here with you, but there was nothing more you could do tonight. Tomorrow you’d be back at his side bright and early until you were forced to leave again but for right now you let Bobby gently push you onto the couch and press a warm mug into your hands.

It went on like that for days, you were at the hospital every day and Bobby sorted the time off for you back at the station. You didn’t think you could pull yourself back to work if you tried, the thought of doing the job without Buck at your side was unthinkable.

Bobby had taken to picking you up every night from the hospital, it was an unspoken arrangement, you just left Buck’s room and the man was always there waiting for you. Each night he took you to his and Athena’s, who welcomed you with open arms and a warm meal that they both made sure you ate, knowing full well you weren't eating at the hospital.

It was on the fifth day that things changed, two days after hearing doctors murmur about their concerns of Buck not waking up yet, five days of sitting at Buck’s side for hours on end, talking away about anything and everything just to fill the silence.

On the fifth day you entered Buck’s room the minute the hospital allowed visitors and took up your regular seat, taking his hand in yours before placing a soft kiss to the back of his. It was how you started every morning visit. The first few hours nothing happened and then just after twelve you heard a groan fall from Buck’s lips, your head snapping up at the noise.

You stared at Buck, wide eyed and not daring to blink as if it would ruin any chance of him waking up. It took a while but you watched as Buck’s face scrunched up before he swallowed heavily, tilting his head to the side and shifting to get comfortable before he finally managed to force his eyes open.

When he saw you you were already crying, silent tears trailing down your cheeks as you smiled at him in relief.

“What happened?” Buck managed to slur out before he started coughing with how dry his throat felt and you wasted no time pouring water into a cup and holding it to Buck’s lips. “Are you ok?”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly at the question, here Buck was finally waking up after five days of recovering, stitches on his head and stomach after being crushed by rubble and he was asking if you were ok.

God, you loved him.

“Are you ok?” You asked instead, watching as his lips twitched upwards. “Are you in pain? Should I get a doctor? I should definitely get a doctor.”

You went to stand but Buck stopped you, tightening his grip on your hand and keeping you in place. You turned back to face him and that’s when you saw it. It was the look, the one the others kept telling you about, the one with soft eyes filled with love and adoration, the one with a smile that to most people wouldn’t seem particularly special but if you knew what you were looking for you could see it was so important. It was the look and you were finally seeing it, you couldn’t convince yourself you were looking into it too much, couldn’t convince yourself your mind was playing tricks on you because it was right in front of you and it was beautiful.

“Don’t go.” Buck murmured, his voice hoarse and not able to go above a whisper but you heard the plea clearly anyway. “Just…just stay with me.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” You told him honestly, squeezing his hand and not able to look away from his face.

Eventually you were able to snap yourself out of trance you regularly seemed to get lost in around Buck, long enough so that you could fill him in on what had happened and how long he’d be out of it. As you spoke Buck never lost that soft look, never once let his eyes wander away from you and it took all your strength to bite your tongue and not tell Buck how you felt.

Until you realised that you didn’t have to do that anymore. You had promised yourself you’d tell Buck and maybe half an hour after he’d woken up from a five day slumber wasn’t the best time but suddenly you felt the overwhelming urge to do it, feeling like you couldn’t wait another day.

“What’s wrong?” Buck asked, his attention solely on you so he noticed the shift in your features, the slight crease in between your eyebrows, the way your head tilted as you looked at him but your mind was clearly somewhere else.

“I thought you were gonna die.” You forced out around the sudden lump in your throat, frown deepening because those weren’t the words you meant to say. “I thought you were gonna die and I was so scared. Once that rubble came down so did so many regrets, so many things I wanted to tell you but I was too scared to but then you were gone and I needed you to know them because you couldn’t die without knowing.”

“Knowing what?” Buck asked softly, already guessing where this was going, already feeling warmth spreading through his chest at the chance that you felt the same way he had, that he hadn’t been pining alone.

“Without knowing that seeing you is the highlight of my day, without knowing that any day I let pass without talking to you, it just isn’t a good day. Without knowing how deeply I care about you, without knowing that I trust you more than anyone, that I’d follow you wherever you went. You were lying here and I didn’t know if you were going to wake up and the one thing above everything that I needed you to know is that I am so in love with you.” You told him, not taking your eyes off him and watching his face soften even more if it were possible, watching as his eyes watered slightly but he managed to keep any tears from falling.

“Y/N,” he breathed out, unable to say anything for a moment but you weren’t worried, you didn’t take it as a bad sign, you couldn’t, not now that you’d seen that look.

You had to curse yourself slightly because how had you missed that look, it had been years of Buck looking at you like that and you’d missed it. If you had seen that look so long ago any questions regarding Buck’s feelings for you would have been an open-shut case, you would have known from the look on his face that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“I’ve wanted to hear that for so long, wanted to tell you that for so long because it’s true, I love you more than I thought I could love anyone. For so long I didn’t think I was capable of loving somebody like I love you, I thought I was too messed up from everything. But then I met you and, Y/N/N I knew from the moment I met you that you were going to be so important. I should have told you years ago but I couldn’t see how somebody like you could feel the same way. But I love you, Y/N, I love you so, so much.” Buck told you, the two of you smiling at each other with matching grins, so happy it was almost too much but you both basked in the feeling.

And everyone was right, nothing changed when the two of you started dating. You came into work together and left together, you stayed over at each other's places until you had found yourself all but moved into Buck’s place already and it just became second nature to call his place home. The only difference was now there were no secret feelings, no wishful, longing glances. Now you could say that’s my man and Buck could take your hand in his, now you kissed Buck whenever you wanted just because you could and neither of you took a day together for granted, not when you had spent so many years pining where you could have been together so now you made sure to savour each day.

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Haunted by the Look in Your Eyes

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Angstember Prompt -  “It was all a lie.”

The day your life fell apart started out like any other. You woke up in bed, Javier was already awake and smiling at you, the sunlight dancing over his skin making him look even more beautiful. The two of you managed to drag yourselves out of bed and get ready for another day working on the Escobar case, long hours that saw little progress though that part hardly surprised you. 

Javier had left work early, telling you and Steve he had a meeting with an informant. You had tried to find out who Javier’s newest informant was, you knew it wasn’t his regular girl Vanessa or any of the other workers, but Javier refused to tell you, said he didn’t want you to know anything in case it went bad. That was enough to set you on edge but Javier never budged and you eventually stopped asking.

You had stayed at the office for a few more hours, no new information coming across your desk and eventually Steve and you called it a day, the man offering to drive you back to the apartment complex since Javier had left. 

As you said goodbye to Steve and headed up the flight of stairs to your shared apartment with Javier nothing felt wrong, nothing in you was screaming that this was it, this was the moment your world fell to pieces. Instead it felt like any other day. You walked into your apartment, dropped your bag by the door and headed into the living room.

It wasn’t until you saw Javier sitting on the sofa, head in his hands and a file on his lap that you realised something was wrong, though nothing was warning you just how wrong things were about to get.

“Javi?” You called softly and watched as the man jumped, as if he hadn’t heard you walk into the apartment.

It wasn’t until he looked up at you that you realised something was truly wrong. His eyes were red as if he had been crying, something that immediately set you on edge because in the entire time you’d known Javier you couldn’t ever recall seeing him cry. He also looked absolutely heartbroken, his eyes were wide as if almost pleading for something, his hair messy from where he had clearly been running his hands through it.

“Javi?” You asked again when it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything, your own voice shaking slightly as you were left in suspense.

“Tell me it’s not true.” He pleaded, voice breaking as he spoke in a way that made your heart ache. The words had your eyebrows knitting together in confusion, shaking your head as you failed to understand what he was saying. “Tell me you're not working for Escobar.” 

Your knitted eyebrows loosened as your eyes widened, you swallowed against the sudden lump in your throat as you tried desperately to think of something, anything to say. It was a tense few moments of silence as you and Javier stared at each other.

“Please,” Javier begged, face crumbling as the silence stretched, “tell me you’re not with that bastard.”

“Javi,” was the only word you seemed to be able to stutter out, Javier’s eyes fell closed as his hands grabbed the folder in his lap. “Why-” but before you could ask he was holding it out to you and you took it with shaky hands.

You swore in that moment your heart stopped beating as you pulled photographs out of the folder. There, clear as day, was you sat across from Pablo Escobar. There were at least nine photographs, all from different days and all of them clearly showing you and Escobar together. You couldn’t look away from them, even as your stomach churned, it wasn’t until Javier spoke that you remembered he was in the room.

“You’re working with him.” Javier said, he didn’t question it, he didn’t need to. Right now to him it was obvious who your loyalty was to and it certainly wasn’t to the DEA, wasn’t to him.

“Javier let me explain.” It was your turn to plead with the man now, to beg him to just listen to you but there was a look in his eyes, heartbroken and defeated, that had your blood running cold, somehow knowing that no matter what you said to him it was already too late.

“All this time you’ve been working with Escobar. What were the two of you laughing this whole time about how easy this was for you?” Javier taunted, heartbreak and betrayal being disguised with anger and hate.

“It's not like that.” You protested but Javier just scoffed at you, finally standing up to turn away from you. “It’s not!” 

“Of course it’s like that! You’ve watched us nearly kill ourselves trying to get even the smallest bit of information about Escobar, watched us come so close to him only for him to escape and this whole time it’s been you telling him when to run!” Javier snapped, his words becoming louder and louder as he spoke.

“I didn’t have a choice!” You snapped back, tears filling your eyes as you silently begged the man to listen to you. “When Pablo Escobar comes into your house, surrounded by men armed with more weapons than you can count and threatens you, you don’t tell him no, that’s not an option. You say ‘si Don Pablo’ and you do whatever he tells you to do.”

“And Escobar told you to sleep with me? To get me to open up to you, to fall for you?” Javier yelled turning back to face you, hands running through his hair again before they came to rest on his hips. “That was Escobar’s grand plan?”

“Javier-” You pleaded but he cut you off.

“Was that Escobar’s plan or was that something you did all on your own? What, did you get a kick out of fooling the DEA agent?” He scoffed, trying to shove down the too many emotions that were coursing through his veins.

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with you!” You exclaimed, the words coming out of your mouth before you could even process them. You felt your own eyes widened, watched as Javier’s widened at the confession you hadn’t meant to let slip out but you didn’t regret it, wished like hell you could have said it at any other time but you didn’t regret it. You couldn’t, it was time to be honest with him, you owed him that much. “When Escobar ordered me to work for the DEA my plan was to give him the bare minimum, to give him just enough information to keep me alive but enough for him not to suspect I was keeping anything from him, enough for you to be able to surprise him. I never meant to get this close to you, never meant to let you get involved with this but then- Javi, nothing between you and me was a lie.” 

“It was all a lie.” Javier told you coldly, “You’ve lied to me since the moment we met.”

“I couldn’t tell you the truth, surely you can see that. You of all people know exactly what Pablo Escobar is capable of.” You told him, still fighting to keep your own tears where they were, not letting them fall.

“You didn't think I would have helped you?” He snapped, “You don’t think I would have done everything to keep you safe?” 

“Javi-” You started but he cut you off again.

“No, I would have helped you, I would have burned the world to keep you safe but you didn’t trust me.” The words were filled with hurt and betrayal, his eyes shining with tears even as he glared at you.

“That’s not fair and you know it.” You told him, hurt clear in your own voice as you blinked harshly, desperate for the tears to go away.

“No, you know what’s not fair is the girl I let down every damn wall for has done nothing but lie to my face, watched me work my ass off and beat myself up day after day, watched me blame myself for not being quick enough to catch the bastard when you’ve been feeding him information that leads to his escapes. That’s what is not god damn fair!” Javier fumed, pacing back and forth as he spoke.

You knew he was right, knew you were in the wrong. How could you hold him on the nights where it got too much for him, nights where he could do nothing but blame himself, nights where he had worked without sleeping before the exhaustion hit him, all the while you were the one telling Escobar when and where the DEA were going to be.

You just wished he would see things from your point of view, the one of a scared woman, alone in Colombia, the one surrounded by Escobar’s men, men who weren’t shy about showing off their weapons, all the while the man himself sat before you with a plan to get you into the DEA and promises that disguised threats about what would happen should you refuse. 

But you knew Javier was angry, too angry to even begin seeing things from your perspective and you couldn’t blame him. This was a man who had built his walls so high and so thick as to keep everybody out and yet had knocked them down as easy as a house of cards just for you, the man had shown a side of himself that hadn’t been seen by anyone for a very long time and you had just shown him why he had built those walls in the first place.

You couldn’t blame him for being angry, couldn’t blame him for whatever he decided to do next. You wished things could be different, you had known from the second he had asked you out for drinks that nothing good would come from getting close to the man and yet you had let yourself get to know him, let him get to know you, watched as his walls fell down and yours crumbled for him.

“You’re right,” you finally said after a long beat of silence, your voice broken and defeated as you finally looked away from him. Your gaze fell down to your feet as the tears that filled your eyes threatened to finally fall. “It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair.”

There were no words spoken for a while, only silence filled the apartment. You couldn’t remember a time when silence was the only thing to be heard, usually the TV played quietly in the background, the radio playing a song that made Javier pull you into his arms as the two of you cooked in the kitchen, the man twirling you around, the sounds of laughter filling the space. The silence felt wrong but you wished for it to return once Javier broke it. 

“Leave.” He finally said. The single word, cold and emotionless, sent an ache through your chest as you looked towards him again. Wide, watery eyes pleading with him but he just shook his head before you had the chance to open your mouth. “Just, just leave, leave the DEA, leave Colombia. Just leave.”

You wanted to beg him to hear you out. You wanted to desperately scream and yell at him to understand that you had no choice, that you were powerless against a man like Pablo Escobar. 

You knew leaving Colombia would be near impossible, what with the amount of people Escobar actually owned in the city he’d be notified as soon as you started packing your bags. Yet you couldn’t be mad at Javier’s request, not when you knew it wasn’t out of hatred or malice. You knew that to him this was the only option he could give you, the other being he would have to turn you over, tell everyone you were spying, that you were passing highly sensitive information that people had risked their lives to get right over to Pablo Escobar. 

Javier still cared about you despite how badly you had messed up.

You had known you should have told him. Maybe not in the beginning when you didn’t know him from anybody else but after the two of you became friends, became more than friends, once the two of you started sharing stories of your lives, secrets you had never planned on telling anybody, once you started to trust one another, that’s when you should have told him. There were so many chances to tell him Pablo Escobar was threatening you, that you had simply been with one wrong person, happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and somehow ended up being dragged into a world you were completely unprepared for. Instead you buried it, pretended you were a real DEA agent, with a real boyfriend and forgot how easily it could be taken away from you, forgot that you wouldn’t be the only one hurt by this.

Looking at Javier through watery eyes was heartbreaking, his own eyes were teary though he was doing a better job at hiding it. You could see the way his jaw clenched and how his knuckles were almost white at his sides. After a few moments you nodded, swallowing against the lump in your throat. 

You knew you had to leave, how you were going to do that you didn’t know, all you did know was that Javier wasn’t going to forgive you, not for this, not when you were the one thing stopping him from getting the man he wanted.

You had gone from somebody he had fallen in love with to everything he was fighting against in a matter of minutes.

“I really am sorry, Javi.” You managed to choke out, the tears finally making their way down your cheeks and for a moment Javier looked like he was going to step forward, his hand twitching upwards as if to wipe your tears away before it clenched even tighter and he nodded back, moving so you could walk past him.

It was one of the hardest things you had ever had to do but somehow you forced your feet to move, forced yourself to walk past Javier and tried to ignore the feeling of your world falling to pieces as your hand touched the door knob. You stood there for a moment, frozen as you realised this was the last time you’d see Javier, the man you were in love with, the man who had every reason to hate you. 

You took a deep breath and opened the door. As much as you wanted to turn around you forced yourself not to, not to turn and beg and plead with him, instead you respected his request and mustered up enough strength to walk out of the apartment. The door fell shut behind you and you let your head fall back against it, eyes falling shut in an attempt to control yourself, to try and calm the tears until it was safe to break down.

Now you were truly on your own, the man you loved had shown you one final act of mercy by not turning you over but you knew that was all he would give you. The look in his eyes would haunt you for a lifetime, no amount of running would get it out of your head.

Pablo Escobar had truly ruined your life but you didn’t doubt for a second that he would pay for what he had done. You hoped that with you out of the way, no longer there to give the man the warnings he demanded, that Javier could do what needed to be done. 

The man was going to pay.

_________________

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The Story of Us

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Angstember Prompt -  “I hope it's worth it.”

You could still remember the first day you had met Peter Parker, despite the years that had passed. You remembered your eyes meeting across the room, remembered him walking up to you in the cafeteria and asking to join you for lunch, you remembered the sparks that seemed to fly instantly, the way the conversation flowed easily between you like you’d known each other for years rather than the few moments you had. The boy before you had made you laugh like no one had before, had made you feel more at ease than you’d ever been and from there you knew he was going to be important to you. 

You loved telling the story of how you and Peter met, loved sharing how the two of you had gone from two people alone in the cafeteria to best friends to dating, loved how people smiled and gushed over how cute it was. 

Telling the story of how Peter had asked you out was another favourite of yours, it was a story you hoped you were telling years down the line to anyone who would listen, a story you could recite in your sleep. Telling them how he had he had invited you out into the city on New Year’s eve, telling them how you stood surrounded by people cheering and laughing, of how Peter had nervously pulled you close and told you how important you were to him, about how he couldn’t picture his life without you and how much he cared for you. He had timed it perfectly somehow and by the time you were grinning up at him, overwhelmed with happiness, he had cupped your cheek, giving you a chance to pull away from him if you wanted before he pressed his lips to yours softly just as midnight struck, even as people cheered around you the noise seemed to fade as you could only focus on Peter.

From there not much had changed between you and Peter, you already spent so much of your time with the other, shared everything between the two of you, the only thing that really changed was that you could kiss freely now instead of having to shove the urge deep down for fear of messing your friendship up. 

The first year of your relationship passed in a blur of happiness, you and Peter falling harder in love with each other every day. Of course you had had a few arguments here and there but nothing serious and nothing that wasn’t resolved the same day. Everything between you and Peter seemed perfect, like you were in a fairy tale. 

So the moment everything changed you felt it straight away, it felt like your world had shifted, like things were falling out of place when Peter began to pull away from you. You tried to figure out what had happened, replayed every moment of the last few weeks in your head but couldn’t come up with anything that would have upset him.

It wasn’t like he pushed you away completely but he had definitely put distance between the two of you. It wasn’t until Ben died that the wall between you came crashing into place and it wasn’t like you couldn’t understand his pain, his grief but despite attending the funeral, despite Peter gripping your hand throughout the service he pulled further away, completely ignoring you for days at a time.

You had tried to be there for him but he wouldn’t let you and so you allowed him his wish to be alone, to hopefully work through everything. It wasn’t until he came to school with bruises that you finally had enough, weeks passing since the funeral, and pulled Peter into an empty classroom.

You tried to talk to him, tried to ask him where the bruises came from and why he was being so distant. Peter had just rolled his eyes, his exhaustion clear and only adding to his tenseness. He had told you he was fine, that the bruises were nothing, he told you to stay out of it, that whatever he did was none of your business. You had only been able to scoff at him, shaking your head in disbelief before walking out of the door leaving Peter to regret his words as he slumped tiredly against the wall but he couldn’t stop himself from pushing away from you. 

Ben’s death was already on his hands, he refused to put you in danger too.

From that day things had changed, Peter’s resolve to keep away from you only strengthening as he settled into his role as Spider-Man, hating the distance between you, hating the first secret he had to keep from you but knowing it was necessary. He’d rather have you alive and away from him than at his side but dead. He knew he was picking Spider-Man over you but after Uncle Ben…he could save people now. That was his responsibility.

You yourself had gone from being able to walk into any room and knowing your place was a spot next to him, a seat he always made sure to save for you no matter how many people were hanging out in your group, to standing alone, awkwardly in the cafeteria, scanning the room for an empty seat in the span of a few weeks. 

You didn’t know what page the two of you were on lately, didn’t know what was going to happen between you. You hoped that he would sort through whatever it was that made him feel like he had to distance himself from you, hoped he’d come back to you but as time passed you found yourself losing hope. 

It was clear he was keeping something from you, a secret that he refused to share. It was strange, the two of you had always been so openly honest with each other, never feeling like you had to hide anything, not with how much you trusted each other but now it was clear you’d done something to lose that trust, to make him think he couldn’t tell you things.

As time passed and Peter continued to shove you away despite your countless attempts to show him you were still there for him, to show him you still loved him you felt his walls building themselves higher and higher, too thick for you to be heard from outside them.

Not speaking to Peter was agonisingly painful, having gone from spending everyday with him to not even being able to speak two words to him because he rushed away from you hurt more than anything. You wondered, as you lay in bed alone, if it was killing him, if it was tearing him up, the same way it was you. You wanted to know just what you had done, just what had happened for him to become so closed off from you, wanted to know when your love story seemed to turn into a tragedy, so sure that it wouldn’t have a happy ending.

Spider-Man quickly made a name for himself and Peter was aware of the public opinion, of the supporters he had and of the enemies he was making. He was aware people tried to piece together who the man under the mask was and aware of how much some people wanted him gone. His bruised eye and busted lip as well as his sore muscles really hammered home just how much some bad guys really hated him but he was doing the right thing, just last night alone he had stopped several muggings, webbed a guy who was about to shoot up a shop and stopped a guy as he followed a woman home.

He was doing the right thing, he knew he was and yet as he saw you across the room, alone with an air of sadness around you, doing your best to seem busy even when he could tell you weren’t, his heart ached. He watched as you fiddled with the ends of your sleeves, saw how uncomfortable you looked and he knew it was wrong, the image was completely wrong because you weren’t supposed to be sad, you weren’t supposed to have a frown on your face and he was supposed to be next to you. 

Instead he stayed as far away from you as possible, avoiding you so that you wouldn’t find out his secret. He couldn’t risk you, he would never do it. He knew you’d have rolled your eyes at him, knew you’d be furious at him for making the decision for you without giving you a choice but he couldn’t lose you. If somebody did somehow put together that Peter was Spider-Man then they would surely exploit every weakness he had and you were the biggest one he had. He would never put you in that position, no matter how much it hurt to see you this way.

He was doing the right thing, it was a mantra he repeated in his head, forcing himself to remember it every time he saw you.

Being forced to see Peter every day at school, to see him and not be able to touch him, to even speak to him was tearing you about, it felt like you were losing your mind. It was clear that whatever had caused him to pull away from you wasn’t going to fix itself. Peter seemed more than happy to hold onto whatever it was keeping you apart than to hold onto you. It was a thought that cut you deep, at one point you thought you were worth more to him than that but clearly not. As the days passed it became more and more obvious that when you told the story of you and Peter it wouldn’t be about love anymore but more about your descent into madness as you struggled to understand how things had gone so wrong.

You knew the relationship was done but neither one of you had uttered the words and despite knowing that it was the unavoidable outcome you were still scared for the ending, at least now there was the tiniest shred of hope but you knew it wasn’t worth holding onto anymore. All you wanted to do was curl up in his arms, tell him you missed him but you couldn’t, you didn’t even know how to speak to him anymore and yet despite the fact that no words had passed between the two of you the silence was louder than anything.

You had been waiting for it and yet when it happened it felt like you hadn’t been prepared at all, not when Peter walked up to your locker after school, running a hand through his hair as he asked if the two of you could talk. You’d nodded of course, knew logically how this conversation was going to go and yet somehow, somehow there was still a part of you hoping this was him ready to put aside whatever had happened and work it out together.

The two of you walked for a while until you came to a quiet spot and sat down side by side on an empty bench. It was a nice day out and you kind of hated it, it felt like it should be pouring rain, maybe storm clouds hanging over your heads whilst this conversation happened but instead there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun shone brightly.

“I’m sorry, Y/N/N,” Peter began, finally breaking the silence that had settled between the two, “I’m so sorry for everything.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat as tears stung your eyes but you tried to blink them away as best you could, knowing there wasn’t a different ending to this story and wanting to get it done with, knowing it was going to hurt more the longer it was dragged. 

As you sat at his side you allowed yourself a moment to draw comfort from having him this close, allowed yourself a moment to memorise him, not knowing if you’d have the chance again. There were so many things you wanted to say to him, were sure there was so much he wanted to say to you but those words would go unspoken, kept only for yourselves to know, never to be shared.

“Will you at least tell me what I did?” You pleaded, the question had been plaguing you for so long now and you just wanted an answer.

You watched as Peter turned to you, his own eyes wide and watery as he shook his head, hand reaching out for you before he pulled it away. You took a shaky breath, desperately trying to keep your tears at bay, wanting nothing more than to feel his touch but knowing you couldn’t.

“No, no baby,” Peter said, wincing as the word slipped out of his mouth without him meaning to but carrying on anyway, “this isn’t because of you, this is all me.”

“What happened? I thought we were happy.” You figured you weren’t going to get a solid answer, you thought you deserved one but weren’t holding your breath.

“We were. I’m sorry Y/N, I really am but I just…I have to protect you, even if you hate me at least you’ll be ok, you have to be ok and you won’t be, not around me. I can’t lose you, Y/N.” Peter told you, the words falling from his lips like he couldn’t stop them, him rambling as you looked at him in confusion, not making sense of the words.

“Peter, what are you talking about? I’ve always been ok around you, I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you. You’re saying you can’t lose me and yet you’re the one walking away from us.” You couldn’t understand his reasoning. Confusion, anger, sadness all running through you as you looked at him.

“I can’t explain it, Y/N/N.” He whispered, looking away from you and down at his hands resting in his lap. “I want to, I really do but I can’t.” 

His voice was thick with emotions, tears pooling in his eye, threatening to fall as were your own but you only took another breath and sat up straighter on the bench. This wasn’t the ending your story with Peter deserved, it wasn’t the one you ever thought it would get and yet here the two of you were, saying goodbye to everything you had together. 

“I really hope it’s worth it.” You told him, voice barely a whisper as you choked back tears, standing from the bench. 

You watched Peter straighten, watched his hand lift again to pull you back before he decided against it. He knew he had to let you go, knew it was the right thing even if it didn’t feel like it. He couldn’t risk losing you, you were too important to him. 

Even so, as he watched you walk away from him, keeping his eyes on you until you disappeared from view he couldn’t help but think about your last words. Was being Spider-Man worth it? Yes it was, he made a difference, he saved people but having to lose you to do it left him feeling empty.

You forced yourself to walk away, forced yourself to hold the tears back until you were far enough away from him before you had to stop, sitting on the stairs of a random apartment block to finally letting the tears fall freely, not caring about any glances sent your way.

It seemed like such a terrible ending, so many good memories, amazing experiences together. The way he made you feel had just been thrown to the side, no longer good enough for him. It hurt more that you still didn’t know the reason behind the decision, hated that your mind would always focus on the what if’s now. This was not the ending you deserved with Peter, your story was supposed to be good, it had been good and yet the ending was playing out clearly in real time with you, alone, sobbing in the streets of New York and Peter left alone, still sitting on the bench with his own tears falling down his face.

That was the end of the story of you and Peter.

/

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