Hello! You Have Any Recommendations Of Books About NPD And BPD?

hello! you have any recommendations of books about NPD and BPD?

I don’t sadly but I’ll post this ask so that people can hopefully give you some recommendations!

I would also recommend checking out @a-sip-of-milo’s master lists on BPD and NPD because they have links to a bunch of good information/resources.

Yes! And attachment to your source can change. Our co-host, Piper, mostly is pretty separated from her source. She can identify with her source but she knows she isn’t that her even though she has memories of that. So we can read fanfiction about her source friends and girlfriend and it doesn’t bother her too much.

But sometimes she struggles with feeling homesick for her source. Sometimes we can’t read fanfiction of her source or view people shipping her girlfriend with someone else because it upsets her too much.

Source separation isn’t always a constant. Sometimes it’s easier to separate from your source than others and that’s okay.

Plural Culture is wishing more people understood "source separation" is different for everyone and regardless of how they do it, it is actually very important for introjects

Sometimes source separation is just "okay, I'm not actually {source}, but I'm a lot like them and still look at my source and see myself and don't plan to change. But I can acknowledge I am not genuinely them" and that's okay, that's good

Sometimes it's "I look at my source and feel nothing, I've changed my name. I hardly look like my source any more. I don't really identify with it at all." And that's okay. That's good

Sometimes it's "I've accepted I'm not {source}, and I've got a few differences, but I still mostly identify with my source other than that" and that's okay, that's good!

Source separation is not "I can never be anything like my source ever" it is getting an introject to the point where they understand they are not actually their source, and are not suffering because of source memories constantly

I get so tired of seeing people argue about it on sysblr, because I've gone all the way with how a lot of ppl think source separation works

I don't look like my source, I use a different name, I've grown up a lot because my source is like 3 years old and I'm 19, and I don't have a lot of source memories any more either

But my best friend in sys still very much identifies with his source and he's very happy about that. He understands he's not that character, and he's learned how to cope with source memories both good and bad

And he's been told he's "anti recovery" because he's not source separated enough. And it pisses me off so much, because he is! He is as source separated as he needs to be to function.

Source separation looks different for everyone, don't shove one way onto every single introject. Let them figure it out

-Ava

I have permission to beat up the next person who calls Aziraphale “naive” or “gullible”. I swear I can’t go five fix-it fics without seeing at least one “Aziraphale was so naive”.

He is not naive. He is traumatised and trapped in a situation where his abusers holds very real power over the lives of him, Crowley and everyone on the planet.

Wanting to believe the people who raised you are good especially when that’s what you’ve been told your entire life is not naive.

Going back to an abusive situation when it’s that or the universe ends and you never get to see the person you love again is not naive.

Aziraphale is not naive or gullible. He knows what’s going on and he is powerless to stop it but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to try. That doesn’t excuse his actions or dismiss Crowley’s responses. It’s what makes Aziraphale so human. Because he’s so much more complex than people’s anti-Autism victim-blaming 2D stereotype.

If you figure out how to join can you bring me?? Everyone else gets to go and I don’t have any of this stuff 😭 - Ash

(also shame about the water)

system question:

what is it like to live in headspace for most of your life?

genuine question for any CDD/traumagenic systems that ID as trans in some way because we've been struggling with this topic lately

**if you have already done one of these, just pretend it doesn't say "plan" and answer with what you've done — i couldn't figure out how to concisely word this to make it include both those who are planning to or in the process of medical transition as well as those who have already completed their transition

hrt = hormone treatment, so like taking estrogen or testosterone

gender-affirming surgeries = any kind of surgery intended to affirm your gender identity, such as top/bottom surgeries and facial harmonisation/feminisation/masculinisation surgeries

this isn't intended to put anyone down for whatever they choose and nobody use it for that or so help me. there's no right or wrong answer. i just haven't seen much discussion around this anywhere and i'd reeeally like to hear about the experiences of other trans systems when it comes to this because ohhh man has it been a hard thing for us to work out.

edit: please ignore the typo with "hr" instead of hrt, i cannot fix it lol

“Don’t let your disorder define you”

Okay but do you support the people whose disorders do define them?

Do you support people with the chronic illnesses who have had to develop whole lives around their conditions? Do you support the intellectually disabled people whose whole way of thinking is defined by their disorder? Do you support the people with personality disorders who literally have a disorder as a personality? Do you support the autism/ADHD people whose disorder you can’t separate from who they are? Do you support the DIDOSDD people who have multiple definitions of themselves because of their disorder?

Or are you just saying that because a disorder defining someone means you can’t ignore it.