- I Hardly Recognised You.

- I hardly recognised you.

Was it really you? The one I was convinced that I’d lost all those years ago? Your lustrous black hair ran down your shoulders and tickled your biceps. That skin; so soft and pure that whilst your skin lay so smooth, your jaw was prominent and sharp - like you were. “This is almost déjà vu” I chuckled to myself. Ten years ago, I stood right here. Miserable. Miserable that you’d left me. When you left me, my whole world turned upside down - like my smile. The smile which previously illuminated my face had now done what you did best; left me when I needed it most. This feeling was all to familiar so it had to be you. Despite my irrefutable thoughts, one question still circled my mind like current in a circuit. Was it really you?

I was wondering why you two began to effortlessly blend,

You both seemed to constantly go hand in hand,

It troubled me for weeks,

Was there something wrong with me

That forbade me from entering your sacred ring?

Then it all came to fruition,

An epiphany at midnight, as sweet and natural as birds first flight;

The toxic group together with incredible might,

What better way for you to wallow in self-pity,

Than to gather in small numbers and complain about how you’re living?

So I’ve decided that I won’t let it trouble me any longer,

And for that I believe I am much stronger.

My Ship pt 1

I traversed the stormy sea day and night,

I felt the wind in my hair, the salt on my tongue and had no plight,

I set course to wherever the wind blew me,

And after years of not knowing what home is,

I decided I’d try and find an island,

A safe haven, with golden sands and shallow, peaceful waters

So I found you.

Mercilessly, I throw daggers at everyone around me,

I carve my “confidence” into my surroundings

And cut anyone that ever doubted me.

Carelessly, my sharp tongue slices wounds into others,

Until my blade is used so frequently it dulls

And you can’t tell the difference between it

And a bitter breeze.

But my own sharp tongue cuts my mouth,

And I choke on my words until my throat bleeds,

My wounds never heal and they keep getting deeper,

Until I can hardly feel anything.

No matter how hard I try to stop,

I lose every battle against myself

And my relentless words will continue to cut,

Until none of my “self” remains.

There's a void that dwells inside of me, It's getting so deep that's it's hard to breathe, I've tried to fill it with countless things, But none of them ever seem to succeed. False icons professing their love, Claiming they'll meet me in the skies above, Can only numb the pain for so long, When you realise that they're always gone. Their perfected code illicit response, That's meant to make me finally feel loved, And yet I listen to the computers' buzz, Realising how false my comfort was.

The hardest thing is feeling you everywhere.

I see your reflection in my morning coffee,

I feel your warmth in the summer breeze,

I hear your whispers in my favourite songs,

But I still can’t find you.