Depressing Words - Tumblr Posts

My ocean

It's odd. When I'm truly sad about something I can't cry. No matter how much I want to, my body won't let me, it's some perverted form of torture. The pain wells up inside me but never finds release, the tears never fall. So it keeps building up and building up until I've reached my breaking point. Then it all tumbles out at once. I breathe so much that I suffocate on air, I cry so much that I drown in my own tears and I scream so much my throat swells and closes. I'm violently thrown into the crashing waves of my emotions that have been forced into isolation for so long. And every time, I almost die.

Senses

I can't see anything. I can't see the clouds of impenetrable smoke, The old demons that finally awoke From their slumber that's seemed to last forever, Yet they seem to reappear whenever. But I will close my eyes, And make myself blind. I can't hear anything. I can't hear the echoing screams that haunt my dreams, The pleading that screeches from inside of me, Constantly yelling, begging for release But I will cover my ears. And make myself deaf. I can't feel anything. I can't feel the sharp claws that maim my skin, The powerful hands that wrap around my neck, The buried feelings that I kept, Within, and the demons still find their way in. But I will burn my nerves. And make myself unfeeling.

There's a void that dwells inside of me, It's getting so deep that's it's hard to breathe, I've tried to fill it with countless things, But none of them ever seem to succeed. False icons professing their love, Claiming they'll meet me in the skies above, Can only numb the pain for so long, When you realise that they're always gone. Their perfected code illicit response, That's meant to make me finally feel loved, And yet I listen to the computers' buzz, Realising how false my comfort was.

Hanahaki disease

Heaving, The flutter in my lungs grows each time I inhale. Choking, It's enamouring flocculence rises up my throat as my face turns pale. Coughing, Its softness caresses the inside of my mouth as its scent infatuates my senses. Spluttering, It reveals its scarlet shade from the corner of my lips, prohibiting denial-filled sentences. Gagging, The clusters of sweetness drift forward, spilling themselves onto floor. Crying, The petals have made me breathless once more. Weeping, They could make the prettiest rose ever cited. Sobbing, But they'll never flow together, because this is Unrequited.

The familiar emptiness blooms from my chest, I'll keep crumbling until there's nothing left, Until all I am is a bittersweet memory, Maybe then, you'd think to remember me. Since the beginning I've been collecting the pieces, I've been fixing all of you, battling all of your demons, But when did you ever consider how I would feel? Inflicting damage nonchalantly, you never cared about me. I've always been here so you've never had to worry, You've never thought to hold your tongue in front of me, So don't be surprised when I leave all of you behind, When I finally make my life mine.

Hanahaki disease

Heaving, The flutter in my lungs grows each time I inhale. Choking, It’s enamouring flocculence rises up my throat as my face turns pale. Coughing, Its softness caresses the inside of my mouth as its scent infatuates my senses. Spluttering, It reveals its scarlet shade from the corner of my lips, prohibiting denial-filled sentences. Gagging, The clusters of sweetness drift forward, spilling themselves onto floor. Crying, The petals have made me breathless once more. Weeping, They could make the prettiest rose ever cited. Sobbing, But they’ll never flow together, because this is Unrequited.

Mercilessly, I throw daggers at everyone around me,

I carve my “confidence” into my surroundings

And cut anyone that ever doubted me.

Carelessly, my sharp tongue slices wounds into others,

Until my blade is used so frequently it dulls

And you can’t tell the difference between it

And a bitter breeze.

But my own sharp tongue cuts my mouth,

And I choke on my words until my throat bleeds,

My wounds never heal and they keep getting deeper,

Until I can hardly feel anything.

No matter how hard I try to stop,

I lose every battle against myself

And my relentless words will continue to cut,

Until none of my “self” remains.

Reply

I cling on to your every word,

Your every expression, sigh, whisper,

I desperately try to learn,

All of your mannerisms, gestures, features,

I hit send and I tremble awaiting your response,

I overthink our interactions when they’ve long passed,

My anxiety builds until the weight is too much to bear,

And you continue the torture without a single care.

My Ship pt 1

I traversed the stormy sea day and night,

I felt the wind in my hair, the salt on my tongue and had no plight,

I set course to wherever the wind blew me,

And after years of not knowing what home is,

I decided I’d try and find an island,

A safe haven, with golden sands and shallow, peaceful waters

So I found you.