New Writing - Tumblr Posts

"ripoff Y2K Roblox character"

How did I come up with that?

Don’t underestimate yourself. If you’re determined, nothing will stop you.

A.R. Geiger

Like you.

I will never have silky, long hair that cascades down my back, I will never have gorgeous eyes that are the perfect shade of black, I will never be so kind that the world is grateful, I will never be so beautiful that the world is hateful. Simply put: I will never be like you. My abnegation barely runs skin deep, My emotions are something that only I keep, I won't do something to get his attention, No one ever knows I'm feeling tension. Simply put: I am not like you. I have never dreamt of a simple life, Pretty pinks are something I've never liked, I've never been as gentle as a soft breeze, I've never been able to make his knees weak. Simply put: I have never been like you. But I've at least been like me.

My ocean

It's odd. When I'm truly sad about something I can't cry. No matter how much I want to, my body won't let me, it's some perverted form of torture. The pain wells up inside me but never finds release, the tears never fall. So it keeps building up and building up until I've reached my breaking point. Then it all tumbles out at once. I breathe so much that I suffocate on air, I cry so much that I drown in my own tears and I scream so much my throat swells and closes. I'm violently thrown into the crashing waves of my emotions that have been forced into isolation for so long. And every time, I almost die.

Senses

I can't see anything. I can't see the clouds of impenetrable smoke, The old demons that finally awoke From their slumber that's seemed to last forever, Yet they seem to reappear whenever. But I will close my eyes, And make myself blind. I can't hear anything. I can't hear the echoing screams that haunt my dreams, The pleading that screeches from inside of me, Constantly yelling, begging for release But I will cover my ears. And make myself deaf. I can't feel anything. I can't feel the sharp claws that maim my skin, The powerful hands that wrap around my neck, The buried feelings that I kept, Within, and the demons still find their way in. But I will burn my nerves. And make myself unfeeling.

Pride poem

Your beautiful smile that radiates joy And your silky hair that floats in the wind, Proves to me that you're better than any boy, And that this could never be a sin. The feel of your hand when it's interlaced with mine, And your beautiful eyes in their bright blue shade, Proves to me that I could only meet you once in a lifetime And that this is how we were made. I've admired you with a thousand looks, I've felt you with a thousand touches, I've loved you with a thousand kisses. Now I can come out of the closet because you've taught me what love really is.

Hanahaki disease

Heaving, The flutter in my lungs grows each time I inhale. Choking, It's enamouring flocculence rises up my throat as my face turns pale. Coughing, Its softness caresses the inside of my mouth as its scent infatuates my senses. Spluttering, It reveals its scarlet shade from the corner of my lips, prohibiting denial-filled sentences. Gagging, The clusters of sweetness drift forward, spilling themselves onto floor. Crying, The petals have made me breathless once more. Weeping, They could make the prettiest rose ever cited. Sobbing, But they'll never flow together, because this is Unrequited.

Persephone

Don’t look for me.

For I am buried under the sand that you deposited in the bottomless sea,

I suffocate everyday but I can’t scream whilst you’re not listening,

I’m trapped in the time that you created and when I think I can breathe, the air is forced out of me.

I could reach out my withering hand and have you pull me from the dark,

But I’d rather claw my way through the hot pit to which I have been cursed,

I’ll choke, blinded as I fight my way upward, forcing your prison away,

Instead of accepting your hand, as you planned me to do, tying me to your eternal winter,

When I could be greeted by Spring if I only rely on me.

So, don’t look for me.

For I’ll be gone by the time your boredom forces you to wonder,

All that will be left is a whisper by the shore,

But when you realise the mistakes you made, saturated with your unquenchable hate

I’ll be floating with the clouds on the warm Spring air,

And I’ll be so big and so far away that I’m untouchable,

And when you look at me from the sand below, all you might receive from me is a brief hello.

So please, don’t look for me.

I’ll make it on my own.

Mercilessly, I throw daggers at everyone around me,

I carve my “confidence” into my surroundings

And cut anyone that ever doubted me.

Carelessly, my sharp tongue slices wounds into others,

Until my blade is used so frequently it dulls

And you can’t tell the difference between it

And a bitter breeze.

But my own sharp tongue cuts my mouth,

And I choke on my words until my throat bleeds,

My wounds never heal and they keep getting deeper,

Until I can hardly feel anything.

No matter how hard I try to stop,

I lose every battle against myself

And my relentless words will continue to cut,

Until none of my “self” remains.

The hardest thing is feeling you everywhere.

I see your reflection in my morning coffee,

I feel your warmth in the summer breeze,

I hear your whispers in my favourite songs,

But I still can’t find you.

I

I smile.

Shoulders square, back straight, feet planted firmly in the ground.

If I squint slightly when I laugh it’s more believable.

They won’t notice.

I speak.

Voice loud, strong, pitch low, it bellows through the room.

If I raise my voice on every-other syllable it sounds more believable.

They won’t notice.

I move.

Averagely-paced, deliberate movements, flowing slightly.

If I lean forward with purpose as I walk it looks more believable.

They won’t notice.

I’m getting better.

They never notice, they never will.

I’m fine. Really.

No one would suspect me,

Because I’m the best actress alive,

That’s the only thing I’m certain of.

So when I say I’m fine,

They believe me.

And now, they don’t even ask.

“These two events can occur simultaneously. Being happy with what you have and who you are whilst wanting to improve upon your life and yourself. You’re allowed to be content and discontent, satisfied and unsatisfied, appreciative and longing. It may seem contradictory, but it’s not. You have to know what you currently have to know what you want. And if you don’t value what you have now, you’ll never value what you gain.”

-Happy New Year

Reply

I cling on to your every word,

Your every expression, sigh, whisper,

I desperately try to learn,

All of your mannerisms, gestures, features,

I hit send and I tremble awaiting your response,

I overthink our interactions when they’ve long passed,

My anxiety builds until the weight is too much to bear,

And you continue the torture without a single care.

God

I thought that you were perfect,

Perfect for me,

And that we were a perfect combination

But now I see.

When you wronged me, I tried to look inwards to decipher,

What I had failed to do, what made me unlikeable.

But I was foolish and naive to believe that you were flawless,

And like a false icon, I clung to you for guidance.

Not a single apology was expected of you and it was my fault,

I treated you like some twisted domestic god,

So now it’s my time to accept our flaws,

And destroy the pedestal I placed you upon.

I was wondering why you two began to effortlessly blend,

You both seemed to constantly go hand in hand,

It troubled me for weeks,

Was there something wrong with me

That forbade me from entering your sacred ring?

Then it all came to fruition,

An epiphany at midnight, as sweet and natural as birds first flight;

The toxic group together with incredible might,

What better way for you to wallow in self-pity,

Than to gather in small numbers and complain about how you’re living?

So I’ve decided that I won’t let it trouble me any longer,

And for that I believe I am much stronger.

My Ship pt 2

I halted all expeditions and ended my adventures,

I threw my anchor overboard and stilled my ship,

I flung my caution to the wind and promised I’d never turn back,

I abandoned my freedom so I could feel security with you.

But when I left my ship unattended to enjoy this island paradise,

You slashed my sails and destroyed my masts,

You were like a parasite.

My Ship pt 3

So when I was forced to flee,

To escape your toxic clutches,

I left half of what I was,

With my ship destroyed and rusted.

A cautionary tale for young travellers at sea,

Do not stop at any nearby beach,

Your trust will be exploited and your kindness betrayed,

Remain free on the sea for all your days.

I’ve been working through a labyrinth.

Large stone walls,

Shrouds of darkness,

Sharp turns and endless paths,

Sometimes the walls narrow and squeeze the air out of my lungs,

Sometimes they’re so far away that I don’t know where I’m wandering; a void...

Fears creep up on me,

Tears blur my vision,

My darkest shadows seem to bleed into every crevice,

I scream and shriek,

Paralysed by my own mind,

I run down the same paths,

Loop around myself,

Over and over I get lost,

Anxiety cripples me until

I can’t move.

But sometimes after waves of miserable failure,

I take the right turn

And I find it.