The Amy-verse

The Amy-verse

(or "If I was in that '70s show" part 3) | part 1 and part 2

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from That '70s Show, which is created by Bonnie and Terry Turner and Mark Brazill. I own nothing, except for my original character, Amy Hamilton.

Warning: I'm not fluent in English and this is one of the ways I found to learn on my own. So if you find any mistakes, please let me know :)

1×01

*during a phone call*

Amy: He and his stupid friends didn't invite us to the concert? I don't even know whose concert it is, but I'm offended.

Jackie: I know, but I made him invite us, we are so going.

Amy: Don't we need... tickets?

Jackie: Oh, don't worry. I bought our tickets. Michael complained that they only had five.

Amy: Thanks, J. I'll come over so we can get ready together.

[...]

*the Hub*

Jackie: Michael, who is this guy?

Kelso: Oh, that's Fez, he's a foreign exchange student.

Jackie: Who did we exchange for him?

Amy: Finally, another foreign student.

Jackie: I have to go to the ladies' room. Amy?

Amy: Yeah, me too. Let's go.

Fez: I too must go to the bathroom. Eric?

Eric: It doesn't work that way with guys.

[...]

*bathroom*

Amy, washing her hands: So, Jackie... how much longer am I gonna have to deal with the whole "Kelso experience"?

Jackie, reapplying her lip gloss: Don't worry, I'm gonna put him on the short leash.

Amy, fixing her hair: You think we should start inviting Donna for our bathroom time?

Jackie, after thinking for a second: Yeah, I think she could use some girlfriends.

[...]

*back in the Hub*

Hyde: Kelso, how much longer we gonna have to deal with the whole "Jackie + Amy experience"?

Kelso: Don't worry, I'm breaking up with her.

Hyde: Never gonna happen.

Kelso: It's over, she's cutting into my free time. Also, Amy's always calling me an idiot. I think she talks about me in whatever foreign language she speaks behind my back.

*mechanical workshop*

Jackie: I'll just call my dad.

Eric: Kelso, tell her.

Kelso: He can't take the car outta town.

Jackie: I'm not calling his dad.

Hyde: Jackie, parents talk to each other... about how we screw up!

Jackie: Why would they talk about that?

Eric: They can't help it, say there's a party see and all of our parents are there together...

[...]

Amy, to Jackie, while the gang was doing the hustle: We absolutely can't call my parents. My mom would kill me if she knew I forgot my jacket, even though she told me I'd be cold.

Jackie: GUYS! We are in the middle of nowhere and I have to go to the ladies' room.

Amy and Jackie: Donna!

Donna: Hun?

Amy: Don't ask questions, just follow us.

[...]

*bathroom*

Amy, reapplying her mascara: So, whose concert is it, again?

Donna: Todd Rundgren.

Amy, looking questionably to Jackie who just shrugged: Oh... cool.

Donna: Wait, if you don't know Todd Rundgren, why did you want to tag along?

Amy: It's the principle of it, Donna. There's nothing to do in Point Place, but if I had something planned, I'd invite you guys. Because that's what friends do. I know we are not really friends, but we are stuck together 'till she breaks up with that moron, so...

Jackie: But if I knew your boyfriend's car would break, I'd have stayed at home.

Donna: He's not my boyfriend.

Jackie: Yet.

[...]

Hyde: Well, there's always Jackie.

Kelso: Of course Jackie, I mean, Jackie's gone. But who else?

Eric: Oh, I don't know... Jackie's date?

Kelso: Amy? Yeah, Amy's out.

Fez: He meant you, Kelso.

Kelso: You guys are chopping me out.

Eric: I've had to listen to her for a good hour.

Fez: A really long hour.

Kelso: God hates me.

[...]

Jackie: Oh, I'm so not staying behind. I paid for my ticket, I'm going.

Amy: I did not use my expensive make-up, my pretty red top, and my new denim pants to not enjoy the concert with my bestie. So, who has the tickets?

*the guys all pointed at Hyde*

Amy: Gimme the tickets, Hyde! [he made no motion to move, so she kicked him in the shin and took the tickets] You guys are so easy.

Hyde: Damn it.

Kelso: You took three? Oh, man. Thank you. [he went to give her a hug but she shoved him] What?

Amy: The third ticket isn't for you, dumbass. You were ready to trade mine and Jackie's tickets for the battery. You can choke. As a matter of fact, you can all choke.

Kelso, screaming: UH!

Amy, to Donna: Here, Donna. Girls need to support each other.

[...]

Fez: God does hate you. You do not have a woman's love because your woman's best friend is smarter and stronger than you. But because Fez is a good person, Fez gave up his ticket to keep you company. So... be happy, whore.

Kelso: You didn't give your ticket up, Hyde threatened to beat you up.

Fez: Thanks to you, you sonuvabitch.

Kelso: Are you blaming me for the battery thing?

Fez: Yes, I do not have anyone else to blame, so I am going to blame you. Now, good day.

Kelso: But Fez-

Fez: I said good day! [muttering under his breath] You can choke, whore.

*concert*

Jackie: Amy, where were you?

Amy, a bit breathless: Uh... I went somewhere to do... some stuff.

Jackie: Your lipstick is all smudged, you look sweaty and breathless. Plus, there's a big hickey on your neck.

Amy: Okay, you caught me.

Jackie: What's her name? Is she pretty?

Amy: How do you know it's a she?

Jackie: I just do. Now tell me everything while we go to the ladies' room fix your make-up.

[...]

Amy: I'm sorry, I had to go to the ladies' room quickly to touch up my lipstick, just to make sure it's as red as the blood of dead fascists.

Jackie: And I had to go with her.

Hyde, to Amy: I don't understand how a girl as politicized as you can like things as materialistic, stupid, and superficial as make-up.

Amy: I am politicized enough to know that it's okay to like things traditionally defined as materialistic, stupid, and superficial. I'm not gonna change my tastes just to please the masculine view that an intelligent woman needs to disconnect from her femininity in order not to be like other girls and act within the same behavioral pattern as boys.

[...]

*during a phone call, after the concert*

Jackie: Anyway, what do you think of Donna?

Amy: I don't know Jackie, we barely talked. She seems cool though. Why do you ask?

Jackie: It's just that... you two have so much in common like you're both feminists, you're bi and she dresses like a lesbian-

Amy, giggling: Oh Jackie, I wanna die being your friend. Wait, hold on a second... are you afraid that I might want to be friends with Donna instead of you?

Jackie: No...

Amy: Good, because you don't have to. And besides, we also have a lot in common.

Jackie: Yes, but you love that feminist stuff and I'm not exactly a feminist.

Amy: Jackie, I'm gonna ask you some questions and I want you to be honest.

Jackie, confused: Okay...

Amy: Remember that dress you bought and loved, but you said you couldn't wear it because it was too breasty and people would call you a slut and boys would get the wrong idea?

Jackie: Yes...

Amy: Don't you wish you could wear it without having to worry about those things?

Jackie: Oh, yes. It looked so good on me.

Amy: And isn't it annoying when people assume you're dumb just because you're a teenage girl who likes make-up, cheerleading, and disco?

Jackie: OH MY GOD, yes! I mean, they don't even imagine how hard I study to keep my good grades. They don't even know that cheerleaders can't have bad grades.

Amy: And remember when coach wanted to cut half the cheer squad's money for new uniforms so he could give it to the football team and you stopped him?

Jackie: Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?

Amy: You might not call yourself a feminist, but sometimes you act like one.

taglist:

@kim1918, @supernannygirl704things, @josueperezthl, @snookstheallmighty

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okay, I'm going to be kicked out of the fandom for this but...

hyde is kinda overrated. (don't get me wrong, he's one of my favorites. but I think that since he is the favorite of the general public, people tend to ignore the things he did.)

the way fez's character is portrayed is xenophobic.

kelso was the only one with a plausible and acceptable ending.

eric is funny and all, but his arc is boring. the only thing he did was date donna.

donna had everything to be the best character, and my fav, but they chose to portray her as a tedious love interest. (also, the writers didn't understand the concept of a single woman, because both donna and jackie were almost never single.)

donna and jackie's friendship deserved better.

jackie shouldn't forgive cheating, at least not so easily. (yeah, that includes hyde.)

kitty is the best character. period.

angie, brooke, buddy and wb deserved more.

the members of the gang can be really shitty friends.

season 7 was bad, just not as bad as season &.

kitty and red are the best couple.

donna and jackie (and basically all the female characters) were unnecessarily sexualized.

and last, but not least, I need therapy because I love this show and it's frustrating.

but these are just >MY OPINIONS<.

umm... I want to hear yalls that 70s show controversial opinions...

Fez: See that girl–

Jackie: Watch that scene–

Hyde: Methamphetamine.

Kitty: While we're gone, Eric’s going to be in charge.

Eric: YES!

Red, to Hyde: You’re secretly in charge.

Hyde: Obviously.

feel her breath on my face, her body close to me

can't look in her eyes, she's out of my league

just a fool to believe, I have anything she needs

she's like the wind

you found someone more exciting

the next second you were gone

and you left me there cryin'

wonderin' what I did wrong