Math

Math

Geologist: I do more math than you might think

Chemist: I mean, chemical equations are basically mathematical equations. If you think about it (I also do math math)

Physicist: Oh, yeah, it’s all math but we just handwave it

Mathematician: YOU DO WHAT!?

Quantum Physicist: *regularly does math that is literally beyond human comprehension* *now resides in a higher plane of existence*

Engineer: If I don’t do this math correctly PEOPLE WILL DIE

Military Scientist: If I don’t do this math correctly PEOPLE WILL SURVIVE

Topologist: If I don’t do this math correctly PEOPLE WILL BE MOSTLY UNAFFECTED

Philosopher: But what even IS math, really? No seriously, what is it?

Organic Chemist: I kinda forgot how to do math, to be honest

Biologist: I literally only chose this field so I wouldn’t have to do as much math. I love stamp collecting

Biostatistician: wtf

For No Nut November I’ve invented the Arete Labs Nut Emancipation Grill (inator)™©℗ which annihilates all nut materials on contact. That's right, no chestnuts, hazelnuts, pecans and walnuts allowed inside MY testing chamber!!

My Nemesister, who is allergic, thinks she can use it to screen food for peanuts. I dunno why. Peanuts aren’t scientifically speaking actually a nut, they’re a bean.

Question: what if the hero is gay and has a crush on the villain.

don't ask why I'm asking you

-totally not a superhero

Are you seriously asking for relationship advice from me? The person who famously has gay crushes on all their nemeses but is a perpetual loveless boyfail too shy to honestly admit their feelings and too oblivious to notice when they're reciprocated?

I'd say to just invent a love ray inator. I don't know why mine never seem to work on the hero even though they work on test subjects, but hey third time's the charm, right?

I have this henchman whom I see only as a childhood friend who really seems to idolize me for some reason which is why they are my henchman even though they seem to be a nice and sensitive guy at heart.

So a while ago I experimented on him with magical gamma radiation to give him the ability to transform into a giant rage monster. Thought that would help him with the whole ‘not evil’ thing. It didn’t seem to work, though. I guess radiation really does just give you cancer and not superpowers, huh?

Anyways, completely unrelated, shortly after that a new superheroine nemesis appeared that is a magical girl with emotion based powers wearing a pastel pink, white, and blue dress. And for some reason she always seem to show up to foil my plans right when my henchman isn’t there to fight her! 

So I got an instant crush on her which isn’t even unrequited! It’s like she already knows me! Unfortunately our forbidden love would never work out because #hero x villain relationships just too based. Also because she keeps foiling my plans and giving me radiation poisoning

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that's it

Nah, that can't be right. I'll just keep trying! 👍

besides maybe some might want them to be the first to make a move 👉👈

or are trapped in a trope filled pataphysical romance narrative loop of will-they-won't-they with no definite conclusion because forces beyond our comprehension farm it for likes👉👈

maybe😊

Question: what if the hero is gay and has a crush on the villain.

don't ask why I'm asking you

-totally not a superhero

Are you seriously asking for relationship advice from me? The person who famously has gay crushes on all their nemeses but is a perpetual loveless boyfail too shy to honestly admit their feelings and too oblivious to notice when they're reciprocated?

I'd say to just invent a love ray inator. I don't know why mine never seem to work on the hero even though they work on test subjects, but hey third time's the charm, right?