Military Science - Tumblr Posts
Math
Geologist: I do more math than you might think
Chemist: I mean, chemical equations are basically mathematical equations. If you think about it (I also do math math)
Physicist: Oh, yeah, it’s all math but we just handwave it
Mathematician: YOU DO WHAT!?
Quantum Physicist: *regularly does math that is literally beyond human comprehension* *now resides in a higher plane of existence*
Engineer: If I don’t do this math correctly PEOPLE WILL DIE
Military Scientist: If I don’t do this math correctly PEOPLE WILL SURVIVE
Topologist: If I don’t do this math correctly PEOPLE WILL BE MOSTLY UNAFFECTED
Philosopher: But what even IS math, really? No seriously, what is it?
Organic Chemist: I kinda forgot how to do math, to be honest
Biologist: I literally only chose this field so I wouldn’t have to do as much math. I love stamp collecting
Biostatistician: wtf
Psychologist: How come evil scientists in movies are always biologists, physicists, chemists, and engineers?
Military Scientist: Yeah! Where’s all the evil mad military scientists!? Do you have any idea how many people I’ve killed using science? How many people that other people have killed thanks to my military theories and formulas?
Astronomer: Uh… yeah. Well, a mad astronomer could make first contact with aliens and convince them to take over the world? That would be a pretty cool villain idea. Of course it is pretty unlikely we'll ever get to meet aliens but y'know...
Meteorologist: Or a mad meteorologist could… like… predict the weather incorrectly. And minorly inconvenience a bunch of people!
Psychologist: Oh, so like you!
Meteorologist: shut up
Geologist: An evil geologist could discover some evil rocks! And add them to his private rock collection so no one else gets to see them! That's just so EVIL!
Anthropologist: Oh, or a mad anthropologist could make real life have regionally and historically inaccurate language, clothing, and architecture, just like in a movie! It’d be completely immersion breaking!
Ornithologist: *gasps* THEY COULD RELEASE LOONS EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD AND ANNOY PEOPLE WITH REGIONALLY INACCURATE BIRD CALLS!
Psychologist: You know what? I was actually an evil mad psychologist this whole time and was trying to manipulate you guys into turning evil, but you all just kinda suck. I don't know if I even want you on my side anymore.
Military Scientist: *whispers into radio* She said I suck, start the bombardment
I DEMAND MORE MILITARY SCIENTIST REPRESENTATION.
I WORK HARD TO MAKE SURE THIRD WORLD COUNTRY'S GET THE FREEDOM THEY DIDN'T ASK FOR, ONE BULLET AT A TIME!
God bless America!
(is this a parody? Yes. Do I want more military scientist in those lil skits you do? Also yes)
Well, I can only say that, much like the elections of those third world countries, you have successfully influenced me to reprioritize my queue. It will be out Monday.
Please don't kill me.
Are any Fields with “Science” in their Name Actually Sciences?
Military Scientist: It’s called “military science” because we apply the scientific method and rigor to military problems. For instance: how many artillery shells are needed to make sure those guys over there are either very dead or are deaf and have crippling PTSD? We’ll just run an experiment to make a formula for that. I got a PhD in this!
Political Scientist: I mean, we TRY to use a more rational scientific approach to politics. Like what policies actually work and which ones just sound like they work. Of course it’s the policies that sound good that actually get the votes so no one really listens to us but y’know
Computer Scientist: I’m not entirely sure if it’s really a science since we made most of this stuff up in the first place, it’s more like engineering, but it sounds cool. Computer science!
Library Scientist: *sighs* Yes, library science is a social science and all the social sciences are sciences, and so are the formal sciences like computer science. You could have easily looked this up. Now, SHHH!
Citizen Scientist: I’m not a real scientist, but I’m doing science!
Mad Scientist: So what if I don't have a real degree? So what if I don't use controls, or the scientific method, or even write anything down?? Neither did Frankenstein! Isn't mental illness and a lab coat enough?!
Christian Scientist: Yeah, I’m definitely not a real scientist. We’re the prayer warrior people. It sounded cool back when science was new, I guess, idk.
Scientist: The heck, this isn't the VShojo convention?
Scientist Stereotypes
Biologist: Can't do math
Theoretical Physicist: Can’t do anything but math
Geologist: Rock collection addict
Military Scientist: Meet the Engineer TF2
Archeologist: Thinks about the Roman Empire more times a day than most men think about sex
Sexologist: Thinks about sex more times a day than most men think about the Roman Empire
Chemist: A pyromaniac and/or is very fun at parties
Science Communicator: Is only fun at parties when everyone else there are nerds
Mycologist/Entomologist: They are VERY interested and passionate about gross things and THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM
Computer Scientist: gay
Military scientist: hey so I made a missile that's just a massive thing of swords.
physicist: ok yeah no that makes sense
Military scientist: Next up I'm going to drop a tungsten rod from so high up it's basically a nuke
physicist: wha- no, that wouldn't work.
Military scientist:
Physicist: anyway, wanna hear about my cool rocket idea that is powered by exploding tiny nukes underneath it? we just need you to invent a cheap nuke that could fit in a suitcase and we'll be to jupiter by- wait, where are you going?
Scientists upon discovering a new species:
Biologist: Oh, cool!
Paleontologist: Oh, cool!
Astronomer: Oh... cool?
Surgeon: Oh, shit.
Psychologist: Oh my god…
Military Scientist: Oooh! Well, this species is about to become *cocks shotgun* endangered. *music drops* *puts on sunglasses*
idea by @applegameisprollytaken
Personal Heroes
Historian: My favorite person from history and one of the most influential people ever was Carl von Clausewitz
Military Scientist: Oh, that was literally what I was gonna say.
Political Scientist: That's funny. Well, my personal hero is Niccolò Machiavelli, he was the father of political science, and just got an undeserved bad rap. The whole “Machiavellian” thing came from a book that actually was written as satire, against that kind of thing, I think.
Military Scientist: Ah, yes, Machiavelli is one of my heroes too. He personally considered his writings on military theory, Dell'arte Della Guerra, to be his own greatest work.
Chemist: Well, uh, Fritz Haber invented artificial fertilizer stopping billions from dying of famine… so he must be fine?
Military Scientist: That same process also made bombs cheap, and he literally invented mustard gas.
Physicist: *cautiously* … Einstein?
Military Scientist: Without his recommendation to do so, the US likely wouldn't have invented the Atom Bomb.
Physicist: OH, COME ON!