Jaune: Ren, We Have To Leave Before They Catch Us, But We Need To Go Get Our Weapons To Stop Ironwoods

Jaune: Ren, we have to leave before they catch us, but we need to go get our weapons to stop Ironwoods crazy plan.

Ren: If we stop Ironwood’s plan, then Salem will able to reach the relics.

Jaune: *Grabs Ren’s shoulder* But if we don’t stop him all the people of Mantle will get killed. It’s like the hypocritic oath of Huntsmen Ren. To not get innocent people killed on purpose.

Ren: ... Jaune.

Jaune: Yes?

Ren: Kiss me.

Jaune: W-What?

Ren: You know you want to.

Jaune: No, I don’t.

Ren: You didn’t just want to kiss me just now?

Jaune: I didn’t.

Ren: Ok... But you’re right. Let’s grab our weapons and stop Ironwood! *Runs  over to weapon locker*

Jaune: Now we’re talking! *Follows*

Ren: Right here. *Opens an empty locker before shoving and locking Jaune inside*

Jaune: What the hell?! Ren! Open the locker!

Ren: You’ll spend the night here. General Ironwood is complicated, but he knows what’s best! *Walks away*

Jaune: Ren? Ren!

Jaune: ... I will kiss you.

Ren: Too late. The moment’s gone Jaune.

Jaune: Ren! We can do more than kiss! Other things! REEEN!!!

Jaune: You are grounded. For...

Nora: 🥺

Jaune: ... Till college.

Nora: For till college?!

Jaune: For till college!

Jaune: What are you doing?

Ren: I'm posting false information on the web.

Jaune: Why?

Ren: It's fun. Someone picks up a strand of false information, spreads it around and before you know it, a panic is created. Then you just sit back and watch the chaos.

Jaune: I really should not have introduced you to Twitter.

Jaune: So you see, the bite that we saw in Fnaf 4 was actually not the previously thought Bite of 87. It was actually the bit of 83, where the crying child dies due to his brother, Michael, shoving him into Fredbears mouth.

Bleiss: *Nods* Mhm. 

Bleiss: (Thoughts) Wow, he’s so dumb.

Jaune: Now, many believe this to not be true, as the source code for Fnaf 4′s teasers left the numbers 8 and 7 everywhere, but this was most certainly a red herring. Not only did the television in the crying childs home showed the date 1983, but Phone Guy back in Fnaf 1 stated the victim of the incident actually survived. Meaning these are, without a doubt, two separate incidents.

Bleiss: Right.

 Bleiss: (Thoughts) God, I wanna choke on his cock~

Jaune: *In hospital bed* Doc says I should make a full recovery. So long as we avoid as much physical contact as we can.

Ruby: Oh thank goodness. Guess we’ll need to be more careful from now on. *Gets ready to leave*

Jaune: Aren’t you forgetting something~

Ruby: Alright you goof. *Chuckles before blowing him a kiss* Get better soon~

Jaune: *Heart flatlines*

Ruby: AAAAUUHHH!!!

Jaune: *staring at Ruby’s thighs*

Jaune: I want them to crush my skull.

Ruby: What?

Jaune: I said this is such bull.

Ozpin: Nora Valkyrie, do you take Lie Ren to be your lawful husband, to love and to hold for as long as you both shall live?

Nora: YES! To eternity if I have to!

Ozpin: *Chuckles* And Lie Ren, do you ta-

Ren: Yes.

Ren: Apologies. I can barely contain my excitement right now.

Nora: Oh Renny...

Jaune: *Cries tears of joy on the side*

Ozpin: Well, with the power vested in me by numerous Kingdoms and the God of Light, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the... best man?

Ren: ...

Jaune: What now?

Nora: Are you screwing around with us Oz? Now of all times?

Ozpin: Don't look at me, Oscar went and got this book at the adult section at the library.

Oscar: Sorry guys, that's my b.

Nora: *Sighs* Well, gotta do things by the book I guess. Pucker up Jauney!

Jaune: Nora, I don't think you have t-

Nora: *Grabs Jaunes head and brings it down for a quick sensual kiss*

Audience: *Gasp in shock*

Nora: *Releases Jaune and licks her lips* Did you eat some of the wedding pancakes?! Those were for later!

Ren: I... can't believe what I just witnessed.

Jaune: *Panicking* R-Ren, I'm so sorry! I-

Ren: We've been planning this wedding for months, and you call that a wedding kiss? *Grabs Jaune by the collar and dips him into a intensely passionate kiss for a full minute*

Audience: 😳

Nora: Oh Renny!~

Ren: Mmmmwa! *Finally releases Jaune before unceremoniously dropping him to the ground.* Now then, shall we? *Offers arm*

Nora: We shall! *Takes his arm as the two walk down the aisle, resuming the ceremony as the audience shrug and clap for the newlyweds*

Jaune: *Lays motionless on ground, trying to regain the soul that was just sucked out of him*