Martial Arcs - Tumblr Posts

My very bad takes on rwby ships (the well known ones atleast. And yes most are jaune)

(i do not represent anyone except myself so do not judge others based on me because if you do. That's YOUR problem. Not the peoples you think I represent)

Hoi! I think its time I get crucified. Kidding obviously. This community isn't completely toxic, that much is obvious. Now let's get the obvious ones out the way

Bmblb.

Ok... time for the one I don't wanna touch because I don't have nice things to say.

Ok first. I don't mind this ship. Wanna get that out of the way because unlike most would assume. I don't hate or love this ship.

BUT. I got problems with how it was made fucking cannon. First off, fuck you rt and your "from the beeginning". I don't fuckin care how much you try to cover your incompetent asses. If the pants don't fuckin fit. Don't fuckin wear them!

Second. There was no real build up (you can argue there was. But it wasn't good. Anyone could have done a better job than rt). The only real thing that could "prove" this was planned was that yang "flirted" with Blake. Now you might be saying-

"oh but she explained her trauma to Blake that clearly means shes interested in her" in which. NO. Yes this moment is VERY good basis to build off these twos dynamic. And if rt kept building onto this by having yang slowly break down Blake's wall before eventually getting her to open up, I would be applauding rt for it, hell I would be a fan of it probably because for these two, it fuckin works! Blake clearly is alot more reserved and is rather prickly meanwhile yang is the rambunctious, ass-whooping, badass, and overall awesome ball of joy (sounds weird saying especially since yang is my favorite character). yet rt dropped the fuckin ball the moment sun showed up. Now I love sun and i enjoy black sun. But for the love of GOD if this shit is from the beginning than this clearly proves it was fucking not!

After volume three who did blake spend most of the time with in menagerie and rt was clearly trying to push? Not bmblb! BLACK-FUCKING-SUN. Let's give a round of applause to RT for making the dumbest decision of saying bmblb was planned from the start because bitch it was not.

And what did we get for yang. Oh only her trauma from one losing an arm and the fact she has PTSD from it. Oh yeah let's not forget the fact yang had ABANDONMENT ISSUES. Yet the moment her and Blake meet back up suddenly it doesn't fuckin matter because Weiss managed to somehow fix it by telling yang that Blake had suffered as well (i know that's not exactly what happened but point is I fuckin HATE the scene where Blake rejoins the team and yang is just "OK! I totally still don't have problems with the fact you left me and the team at both my and our teams lowest moment." Personally fuck you rt)

.....where was I again? Oh yeah rwby ships. So before I fuckin lose it at rt's incompetence at story telling, developing a romance and character building- let's move on to..... whiterose.... SON OF A BIT-

Whiterose

Look does the fact I don't care for BB and the fact I hate white rose with such a burning passion make me look like a misogynistic homophobic asshole a bad thing? Yes. But I just can't enjoy this damn ship because I just find it so FUCKING BORING!

I get it, it's "opposites attract". But I just don't care because this is so boring and basic that I can't even be glad a gay ship is actually popular instead of the same boring straight pairings.

I don't care if ruby could help Weiss be less of a bitch. Because that troop has been done to fucking DEATH.

There's not even the fact that it be a middle finger to Weisses dad because guess what he's already got his comupance and is also you know, FUCKIN DEAD. There's no satisfaction from any of this ship for me. Is it a bad ship? Fuck no we aren't even going to cover THAT!

But do I like this ship and hope it'll be cannon? No. And if it is? I won't care and I'm not even gonna celebrate it. You can take a fat piss on my grave before I say whiterose becoming cannon is the only option.

Now what ship is next- oh. Oh no. It's the ship everyone enjoys.

Arkos

Look I'm already gonna get fuckin crucified for my opinion of WR and BB. I don't feel like pissing off even MORE people!

... ok fine I'm saying my opinion.

I don't care for this ship. I don't care for pyrrha and I'm actively glad she is dead.

I won't even elaborate because this ship is dead and will gladly piss on its grave.

Rest in piss arkos. Overrated as fuck!

Next up is... rose garden. Finally a ship I dont mind supporting... but also... one thats gonna be hard to say

Rose garden

Look... their just fuckin cinnamon rolls and I love it!

"but you hated arkos yet both jaune and pyrrha were cinna-"

Uhp! No! None of your bullshit. But I will explain.

I don't care for arkos because I don't care for the fact pyrrha has no development. Not even a personality. She was always "the one girl that has feelings for jaune" which don't get me wrong, jaunes one of my favorite characters but I prefer the character he would be shipped with are actually characters and not... cardboard.

Now thankfully Oscar does not suffer the same fate. He's not infatuated with ruby, he is just a "kid" who just found a wizard stuck in his head and now he's off into a war he never knew about. He was timid (batshit terrified even) and yet when he sees the courage shown by the cast he slowly tries to be like them. with the moment between ruby and Oscar being a moment I fuckin love. Oscar is being honest and asking ruby why, why does she keep fighting? Keep marching into a unknown war that could very well kill her. And ruby simply answers by admitting she Is aware she might die, she even lost good people during the fall of beacon but she kept going because she wanted to be a huntress, she wanted to HELP people.

One of the many reasons I love rose garden is because these two fuckin dorks grow WITH each other instead of the simple "oh I'm the love interest of the main character I'm gonna be a cardboard cutout of the character I should be!".

I can't put it into proper words but I just love rose garden.

Whiteknight

Wait... are we actually talking about white knight and not another ship that I probably don't care about and get crucified because of them?

FUCK YEAH!

Gentlemen and ladies. I am proud to say I am whiteknight trash because damnit I love this ship.

I will say it now this ship is the shit that gives my Tumblr account LIFE. And like rose garden I can't even find words to describe how this ship makes me my brain go up with dopamine. This ship is just my favorite ship. Weiss and jaune have had so much buildup. Starting with jaune being a idiot and trying to flirt with a very much more cold Weiss (HA) To Weiss laughing at jaunes reaction to his voice after the high of depression that was V9! The little smile jaune had as he heard Weiss giggle. To the mother fuckin mature scene that has skyrocketed to memehood! I just love this ship because it is just everything I want out of a romance subplot!

Knightshade

Oh... oh we already at some.... unpopular ships.

Now this isn't exactly ship related as pyrrha was to arkos but I just don't like Blake, so you might be thinking "oh then you must hate knightshade". Well..

You.

Are.

WRONG!

I don't know why I like it I just like knightshade. It's cute, it's got enough crack to make it a crack ship, and the memes! The. Fuckin. MEMES.

God I love knightshade.

Knightfall

So... how do I say this?

I love this ship. Not joking I love this. I'd be peeved if this became cannon but as syndrome once said

"OH COME ON! YOU GOTTA ADMIT THIS IS COOL!" (Man was a salty man and died like a BITCH)

As to why?

The

Fuckin

ANGST!

I could write an entire fanfic of jaune and cinder fighting each other for days on end until jaune fucking loses but instead of killing him cinder just lets him live. To continue to fight as she gets some sick enjoyment from the attention.

That's all. (Also cinder please choke me with your thighs-)

[GLITCH HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY BANNED.]

Alright I'll behave. No thirsting, now onto.... Lancaster.... you know I can't tell if I want to be killed or be celebrated as a fuckin gift because this list is bizarre as fu-

Lancaster

.... where do I begin?

Ok I should probably state this now. I love this fuckin ship despite how... cliche it really is. I want these two dorks to be fuckin happy but I just can't say whole hearted this is my otp. It's just not for me, I'm sorry. But as you all know I have written.. some.. Lancaster fanfics (I am absolute jaune shipper trash, you can Bury me before I say any jaune ship is terrible except THAT! Even arkos ain't bad just overrated!)

But... yes I like this ship that why I'm writing fanfics in the first place I like alot of jaune ships (despite how much I hate THAT!) Because we'll most female characters that I pair with jaune have atleast some form of interaction. (Except silent knight. I just like that one because I like the "small murderous and tall gentle" dynamic. But we aren't covering silent knight.)

Now thats all I could say for Lancaster but there's one more sister that I wanna talk about but first.

For runner up on this list. Drum roll please.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Thank you-

.....

Huh I guess that drummer wasn't as dumb-

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Ok fuck you, your fired!

Now for runner up on this list (mainly because I like it but I don't have much to say-)

Martial arcs

(ha bet y'all rat bastards weren't expecting me to list a gay ship that I liked.)

Now all I have to say is.

🎶let them be fucking gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!~

OH YEAH!🎶

Now onto... my favorite one thats not white knight. The one, the only, the truest form of "what the fuck is glitch snorting"-

Dragon slayer

This is the one ship that has continued to be a ship I love dearly.

To me yang and jaune feel like they would be each other's wing(wo)man and would just be an ride to watch.

There wasn't even any evidence in why this ship could happen. But I still love it. Y'all can call it "just a write inserting themselves as jaune" but let me say this.

Dragon slayer is the Pinnacle of the most wholesome moments! Not even Lancaster can compare to the intimacy of this ship and yes! I AM TALKING OUT OF MY ASS BECAUSE I LOVE THIS STUPID SHIP AND AINT NO ONE TELLING ME I SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

....

Ok I think that's enough talking about Rwby ships for one Day because I've caused three things.

1) probably pissed off arkos, BB, and WR shipers.

2) weirded out quite literally everyone with my batshit insanity.

3) probably started a debate on what I mean when I say "THAT!"

Anyway have a great day/night/or what other time it is bitches, bros, and non-binary rat bastards

I'm off to get crucified because OH BOY did I probably poke the bear.

In a Better World 2: ripping off this band aid early

Ozpin: Lie Ren, Pyrrha Nikos, Nora Ren and Ilia Amitola, you retrieved the white rook pieces, and will form team APRL(April) lead by Ilia Amitola!

(Ilia barely containing the urge to shift full pink with embarrassment and joy)

Weiss (Offstage applauding her friend): It was the obvious pick, i mean her only real competition for being a team leader was me, and since i’m on a different team it was a sure thing!

Ruby: Then why were you sweating and looking so nervous?

Weiss: Because your cape is crooked! now straighten it out, it will look bad when i’m formally made team leader if my team is in such a state!

(Jaune with Oscar sitting on his shoulders applauds and waves to the group)

(Pyrrha Smiles blushes and sheepishly waves back,)

(Lie Winks at him and gives him a finger gun,)

(Both notice the other’s flirting and lock eyes the first salvos have been fired, the war the blond himbo is on,)

Blake: *Walks into movie theatre, only to see Jaune sitting by himself* Wait, Jaune? Weren't you on a date?

Nora: *Head pops up from Jaune’s lap* He is.

Blake: Oh... Oh, I see. Wait, Nora, aren't you dating Ren?

Ren: *Head also pops up from lap* She is.

Blake: Ah, I see.

Blake: ... Wait.

Ozpin: Nora Valkyrie, do you take Lie Ren to be your lawful husband, to love and to hold for as long as you both shall live?

Nora: YES! To eternity if I have to!

Ozpin: *Chuckles* And Lie Ren, do you ta-

Ren: Yes.

Ren: Apologies. I can barely contain my excitement right now.

Nora: Oh Renny...

Jaune: *Cries tears of joy on the side*

Ozpin: Well, with the power vested in me by numerous Kingdoms and the God of Light, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the... best man?

Ren: ...

Jaune: What now?

Nora: Are you screwing around with us Oz? Now of all times?

Ozpin: Don't look at me, Oscar went and got this book at the adult section at the library.

Oscar: Sorry guys, that's my b.

Nora: *Sighs* Well, gotta do things by the book I guess. Pucker up Jauney!

Jaune: Nora, I don't think you have t-

Nora: *Grabs Jaunes head and brings it down for a quick sensual kiss*

Audience: *Gasp in shock*

Nora: *Releases Jaune and licks her lips* Did you eat some of the wedding pancakes?! Those were for later!

Ren: I... can't believe what I just witnessed.

Jaune: *Panicking* R-Ren, I'm so sorry! I-

Ren: We've been planning this wedding for months, and you call that a wedding kiss? *Grabs Jaune by the collar and dips him into a intensely passionate kiss for a full minute*

Audience: 😳

Nora: Oh Renny!~

Ren: Mmmmwa! *Finally releases Jaune before unceremoniously dropping him to the ground.* Now then, shall we? *Offers arm*

Nora: We shall! *Takes his arm as the two walk down the aisle, resuming the ceremony as the audience shrug and clap for the newlyweds*

Jaune: *Lays motionless on ground, trying to regain the soul that was just sucked out of him*

Jaune: Ren, we have to leave before they catch us, but we need to go get our weapons to stop Ironwoods crazy plan.

Ren: If we stop Ironwood’s plan, then Salem will able to reach the relics.

Jaune: *Grabs Ren’s shoulder* But if we don’t stop him all the people of Mantle will get killed. It’s like the hypocritic oath of Huntsmen Ren. To not get innocent people killed on purpose.

Ren: ... Jaune.

Jaune: Yes?

Ren: Kiss me.

Jaune: W-What?

Ren: You know you want to.

Jaune: No, I don’t.

Ren: You didn’t just want to kiss me just now?

Jaune: I didn’t.

Ren: Ok... But you’re right. Let’s grab our weapons and stop Ironwood! *Runs  over to weapon locker*

Jaune: Now we’re talking! *Follows*

Ren: Right here. *Opens an empty locker before shoving and locking Jaune inside*

Jaune: What the hell?! Ren! Open the locker!

Ren: You’ll spend the night here. General Ironwood is complicated, but he knows what’s best! *Walks away*

Jaune: Ren? Ren!

Jaune: ... I will kiss you.

Ren: Too late. The moment’s gone Jaune.

Jaune: Ren! We can do more than kiss! Other things! REEEN!!!

Jaune: You know, you guys didn’t have to bring me along on your honeymoon. 

Nora: Aw, it was no issue Jaune. Right Ren? *Holds onto Rens arm*

Ren: Of course. Afterall, it was the least we could do after forgetting your birthday.

Jaune: It wasn’t that bad. Besides, you guys were busy preparing for your wedding, so it wasn’t your faults you forgot.

Nora: Either way, we thought you could enjoy the sights while we did some... newlywed activities. *Giggles like a child, still excited from their recent union*

Jaune: *Chuckles at Nora as he sets down their bags* Well, I guess all I can say is thanks. I’m gonna go grab the last of the luggage. You two just kick back and relax, alright?

Ren: Much appreciated Jaune. *Nods as he and his wife hold one another close, about to close in for a kiss*

Jaune: *Before leaving, he remembers something and pulls out an odd envelope from his pocket* Oh yeah, Ren, I almost forgot, this came in the mail before we left.

Ren: *Raises an eyebrow as he takes the envelope, opening its contents right as Jaune leaves the room*

Nora: Ooh~ That must be our marriage license.

Ren: Nora, this isn’t a marriage license. It’s a... restraining order?

Nora: *Shocked* Oh nuts! I was in such a rush I just grabbed the first form I saw and filled us both in.

Ren: It says we can’t be within... 25 yards of one another.

Nora: But 25 backyards is like... A lot! We got to get this fixed right away!

Ren: Nora, we need to file this to court if we wanna cancel it. And that may take a few days.

Nora: But... Our honeymoon. If we leave, we can’t enjoy it here. We’ve been looking forward to this for months.

Ren: I’m sorry, but unless we wanna risk breaking the law... again, there’s not really any other option.

Nora: No! I refuse! There’s gotta be something we can do to at least enjoy our honeymoon here, without getting in trouble, and until we can get this restraining order sorted out.

Jaune: *Kicks door open before coming in the rest of the luggage* Whew! Got the rest of the luggage guys! Anything else you two need before I head out?

Nora: ...

Ren: ...

RN: *Nod at one another*

Nora: Oh Jauney~ Do you think you could do us a big, BIG, favor?

Jaune: 🤨 ?

(Morning)

Nora: *Eating a nice stack of  chocolate chip pancakes*

Jaune: *Pops in with a bouquet of pink lotus flowers*

Nora: *Smiles as she takes them, waving outside the window to Ren, whom is currently doing some yoga*

(Afternoon)

Ren: *Driving a jet ski through ocean*

Nora: *Laughs joyously as her and Jaune water ski, her sitting atop his shoulders*

Jaune: *In absolute agony, trying his best to keep his balance, hold up Nora, and not vomit from the speed they were going*

(Evening)

Ren: *Ballroom dances with Jaune before releasing him with a spin*

Jaune: *Miraculously maintains his spin as he elegantly makes his way to Nora*

Nora: *Catches him before dropping him down onto the floor in an attempt to dip him*

(Night)

We see Jaune in bed with someone, sweat dripping down his body as he thrusts wildly into them from above. The creaking sound of the bedframe could be heard 5 rooms over, the frame threatening to fall apart with each thrust, as well as the feminine wails of pleasure from his partner. This stops, as with one last push, the two let out loud sensual moan as they climax together, Jaune grinding himself as deep as he could as he filled them to the brim. Sliding himself out, Jaune moves over to the side of the bed, catching his breath before grabbing and pulling up his pants.

Jaune: So... Like that?

Ren: *Pants in exhaustion as he sits himself up* Yes... Just like that. Nora will love it. So don’t keep her waiting.

Jaune: *Sighs* Hope my aura’s ready this. *Stands up and cracks his back before rushing off to go break out Nora’s*

Ren could hear his footsteps as Jaune made his way over to the guestroom, where Nora had been patiently waiting. The rooms here had such thin walls, he wouldn’t be surprised if Nora had heard every bit of him and Jaunes passionate fornication. In fact, he wouldn’t be surprised if that only aroused her more.

Nora: Took ya long enough! Now come to mama fearless leader~ 

Ren lets out a small smile as he hears Jaune and Nora quickly begin their own bout of sexual intercourse, sounding just as wild and passionate as his own, if not more so. A yawn escaping his mouth, Ren decides it’s time to get some shut eye, excited to see what the next day brought them. Afterall...

That was just the first day of their honeymoon.

(2 Weeks Later)

RWBY: *Waiting by the bullheads to greet the newlyweds once they returned*

Ruby: *Eye widened as her friends came into view* Hey, there they are!

Yang: It’s about time. *Squints her eyes in confusion* Wait, why are those two standing so far apart from one another?

Blake: *Shrugs* Beats me. Looks like they enjoyed their time though.

Yang: *Smirks* How much you wanna bet it’s because they spent most of it breaking in their bed?

Weiss: Do you have to make everything so vulgar Yang?

Yang: Jeez Weissy, it’s just a joke. No need to be such a pru... Is Vomit Boy ok?

Blake: He looks like he’s been drained of every ounce of vitality he had.

Ruby: You think Ren and Nora had him do a lot of work for them?

Before they could continue, they watch as Jaune collapses onto the ground. The team quickly rushes over to their friend, wondering if he was alright. They come across Ren and Nora, having not moved to check on their leader for some reason, instead lower their heads in grief for their fallen teammate.

Ren: He was a good man.

Nora: *A tear fall down her cheek* And virile lover.

Ren: ... Yes.

RWBY: *Looks at the two in confusion, no clue as to what was even happening... that is until one of them happened to remember something*

Yang: ... Wait. Does this have something to do with joke restraining order I sent you?

traditional art for a change!

ren and nora showing their leader some love(they've missed him so much)

Jaune + Ruby: *Resting in the shade*

Nora: *Racing towards them* JAUNE! RUBY!

Jaune: Huh?

Ruby: So loud. It's way too hot for your craziness, Nora.

Nora: Ren's getting hit on!

JNR: *Running through the streets at top speed*

Jaune: Formation B!

NR: Roger!

Ren: *Talking to a girl*

NR: Renny!

Ruby: *Latches onto him* Who is that woman?! Have you forgotten the night you toasted to my eyes?! That night!?

Nora: *Also latches onto him* Was it all a lie when you said your time with me was the most enjoyable of all?!

Ren: ... What?

Jaune: Could you not touch him so casually, please... YOU HOMEWRECKERS?!

Ren: ?

Jaune: Renny has guitar practice with me now. Let's go home, Renny. Today, I'll have you master "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star~." *Wink*

Ren: *Turns to the girl* Please, don't mind them. Keep going straight ahead and you'll reach the station.

Random Girl: Thank you so much. *Bows before leaving*

JNR: Huh?

Ren: Alright, seriously, what was that? Could you guys not, please? You're embarrassing me.