It's Been 4 Weeks Since The Betrayal. But I'm Done. I'm Done Crying. I'm Done Mourning Over Something

It's been 4 weeks since the betrayal. But I'm done. I'm done crying. I'm done mourning over something that was long gone. My friend really opened my eyes today. The person I once loved and cared for moved away from me mentally and emotionally away from me before they physically moved away. Their words and actions did not aligned with someone who still had "feelings" or "cared" for me. Words are cheap, actions are louder. I see their actions very loud and clear now.

I feel very foolish now thinking back on those last few weeks we spent together. Do I have regrets? Yes. Should I have known better? Yes. Did I hoped we would get back together? Yes. I blurred the lines between thinking we were still in a relationship when in reality all we had was a sexual relationship. My friend was right he was in it just for the sex not because he still had "feelings" for me. Guys can detached their feelings from sex. That's all it was to him a few fucks before he left. Already checked out mentally and emotionally. Did I know they were right for me? No. I invested more love into a person who wasn't willing to invest the same love into me or us, or even themselves.

I see that now. I see their actions loud and clear. I have cried and grief long enough. They will no longer have power over me. I have given them too much power over me. They don't deserve a place in my mind, heart or soul. They are no longer in my life, therefore they no longer matter. They are gone and so are the memories of us.

I have spoken my truth. Now I must begin my healing process. I will be a better person. I will be stronger. I will be love because I deserve love.

I am loved.

I am appreciated.

I am worthy.

I love me.

I love my life.

I love my family and friends.

I love my sense of humor.

I love my smile.

I love me.

I won't wish them all the best because that would be a lie. I don't wish them all the worst either. I simple wish them what they deserve, whether it's good things or bad things, that's between them and karma.

They know what they did. It's on them, not me.

Still can't believe his new gf was born in 2001. Funny how you went up to now down. Must be nice to date someone so much younger than you are. Must have a lot in common too since you're both in your 20s.

Funny how things turn out the way they did.

It happened like its supposed to happen. Can't change it, can't deny it. Can't say it's not happening cause it is. Can't compare either. At the end of the day I was good to you and I'm still good and worthy.

Yesss.

“You lied. And I think that’s what hurts the most. That I wasn’t worth the truth in your eyes.”

–4:07 PM

Good morning all and happy Friday.

I'm coming to terms with my break up. Why I say "my" break up is because I never fully broken up with him. In my mind and heart. I don't know why I expected him to stay single and not date. That's not fair. I guess I was still hung up onto this notion that there is still an "us" when in reality there is just me. It was because I haven't moved on and he has. Maybe he had already moved away from me emotionally and mentally before he physically did. That's why it's easier for him to move on and not be so broken like I am.

I was still holding on to something that was no longer there. There is no longer an "us", there is no longer him and I, we will never be together again. There's now him and his new person. They get to make memories together while ours is long in the past.

Yesterday was hard. Kept thinking about you and what you were doing. I know you don't like to celebrate your birthday but maybe this new person changed your mind. Maybe you went away together, to spend time together and be with each other. Maybe you just drank because of the situation you placed us both in. I don't know, I don't know because I'm no longer in your life. I'm no longer part of your routines. I'm not longer part of your world anymore. Therefore I'm no longer part of you. It's hard. Three plus years with the same person now suddenly being separated from them completely is hard. Takes time to adjust. Knowing they have someone new is hard to handle as well. That person is with them, know their routines, know their well being, knowing where they are, what they're thinking, what their feelings are. Knowing everything while I know nothing.

But I'm trying to take it day by day. Make peace with reality and let go of what once way. What we once had was beautiful. Can't look back on it now but someday I will be able to and remembered my first love fondly.

Hope everyone have a good weekend. Habe a beautiful day. Stay positive and be blessed for all you have.

We were once strangers than you become part of my world, took over my heart, took over my mind, took over my soul and body.

Now we are back to being strangers.

What an asshole you are. You've been talking to her for so long while we were still communicating. You're a coward and a liar. Only immature and insecure people ghosted people.

I'm pissed thinking about the time line of how this all played out. How you had all these opportunities to tell me but you didn't. You're a coward for showing me, you're immature and petty.

You wanna flaunt your new relationship for me to see? FU and your new relationship!

Karma will come for you. What goes around comes around.