Good Morning All And Happy Friday.

Good morning all and happy Friday.

I'm coming to terms with my break up. Why I say "my" break up is because I never fully broken up with him. In my mind and heart. I don't know why I expected him to stay single and not date. That's not fair. I guess I was still hung up onto this notion that there is still an "us" when in reality there is just me. It was because I haven't moved on and he has. Maybe he had already moved away from me emotionally and mentally before he physically did. That's why it's easier for him to move on and not be so broken like I am.

I was still holding on to something that was no longer there. There is no longer an "us", there is no longer him and I, we will never be together again. There's now him and his new person. They get to make memories together while ours is long in the past.

Yesterday was hard. Kept thinking about you and what you were doing. I know you don't like to celebrate your birthday but maybe this new person changed your mind. Maybe you went away together, to spend time together and be with each other. Maybe you just drank because of the situation you placed us both in. I don't know, I don't know because I'm no longer in your life. I'm no longer part of your routines. I'm not longer part of your world anymore. Therefore I'm no longer part of you. It's hard. Three plus years with the same person now suddenly being separated from them completely is hard. Takes time to adjust. Knowing they have someone new is hard to handle as well. That person is with them, know their routines, know their well being, knowing where they are, what they're thinking, what their feelings are. Knowing everything while I know nothing.

But I'm trying to take it day by day. Make peace with reality and let go of what once way. What we once had was beautiful. Can't look back on it now but someday I will be able to and remembered my first love fondly.

Hope everyone have a good weekend. Habe a beautiful day. Stay positive and be blessed for all you have.

Today is exactly a month since the situation happened. Also happens to be the 9th and a Tuesday as well. No communication from him, still cold silence. What did I expected? Respect, honesty, loyalty, decency between ex lovers and friends? Yes, I expected all of the above. That was my expectations. But I've learned you can imposed your expectations onto others because it always leads to disappointment.

Disappointed with how he chose to handle this situation. To handle our history and past together. He choose her over my feelings and my heart. Speaks volume about him and how he feels about me. There's a say:

How they treat you is how they feel about you. Don't try to decode or make excuses. It's simple. If they act like they don't care, they don't care.

Three plus years of being best friends and lovers gone in a moment. We are no longer friends nor are we enemies. We're just strangers who have memories of each other. This isn't how I wanted us to end. Can't change it. It happened and is happening.

Exactly to the date we broke up you've moved on. Moved on without saying goodbye to me. Just left.

Better to see your true character now than later.

I'm feeling frustrated and angry throughout the whole day. I'm frustrated because I still think about him and how he gets to move on. Posting pics of his new love and enjoying his life while mines is full of emotions. I'm angry because he's still a coward and staying silent.

He always said he hated Tuesday because they always bring bad news to him when he was working. Now he has ruined Tuesday for me too because I found out about his lies on a Tuesday.

Fuck him and fuck his new relationship. I meant what I said about karma. Whether he deserves good things or bad things, that's between him and karma.

What goes around comes around my friend.

Still can't believe his new gf was born in 2001. Funny how you went up to now down. Must be nice to date someone so much younger than you are. Must have a lot in common too since you're both in your 20s.

Funny how things turn out the way they did.

It happened like its supposed to happen. Can't change it, can't deny it. Can't say it's not happening cause it is. Can't compare either. At the end of the day I was good to you and I'm still good and worthy.

Tonight I listened to a podcast about forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean that you're excepting what happened to you is ok. Forgiveness means let it go so you're free and no longer tied to your past.

You forgive because you love yourself so much because you don't want to keep hurting yourself for what happened. What happened cannot be changed. But you can forgive and let it go so you can free yourself.

I want to forgive their wrong doing towards me. I want to let go of the past so I can be free for my future. I want to, but I am not ready. I haven't heal therefore I am not ready to forgive. One day I will be able to wish it will, bless it and wish it its own freedom. That day is not today.

I'm a work in process and I'm working on healing me so I can love me more. I know they are hurting too, but at this moment I don't care. I just don't care enough to feel bad for hurting them with my truth. They say hurt people hurt people. It's a vicious cycle that humans are engaging in.

Today was a little better, but the heart still hurts. No more talking about the situation. Can't change it. Still hurts coming from someone you once loved so much.

I never cut the emotional string between him and I. I knew we were never getting back together but the feeling and emotions were still there, that's why it hurts so much more.

Been thinking about the times we spent together and I do missed him, missed us. Missed having my person. Missed having a best friend, a travel buddy, date nights. Missed the sex, missed the connections. Missed the kisses.

But he has moved on, made that loud and clear for me to see. Now he has someone else to do all those things with him and I have no one but my pain and heartache.

Life is unfair sometimes. 💔

My heart hurts. My mind is not at peace. I want my heart and my mind back. I want to let go and not think about the hurt, the anger and the betrayal. I want me back. Love is great when its great, but it can also lead to many heart aches and many tears. Having your heart broken by the same person twice fucken sucks!

I want to be done and move forward like it never happened.