Healing Me - Tumblr Posts

It's been 4 weeks since the betrayal. But I'm done. I'm done crying. I'm done mourning over something that was long gone. My friend really opened my eyes today. The person I once loved and cared for moved away from me mentally and emotionally away from me before they physically moved away. Their words and actions did not aligned with someone who still had "feelings" or "cared" for me. Words are cheap, actions are louder. I see their actions very loud and clear now.

I feel very foolish now thinking back on those last few weeks we spent together. Do I have regrets? Yes. Should I have known better? Yes. Did I hoped we would get back together? Yes. I blurred the lines between thinking we were still in a relationship when in reality all we had was a sexual relationship. My friend was right he was in it just for the sex not because he still had "feelings" for me. Guys can detached their feelings from sex. That's all it was to him a few fucks before he left. Already checked out mentally and emotionally. Did I know they were right for me? No. I invested more love into a person who wasn't willing to invest the same love into me or us, or even themselves.

I see that now. I see their actions loud and clear. I have cried and grief long enough. They will no longer have power over me. I have given them too much power over me. They don't deserve a place in my mind, heart or soul. They are no longer in my life, therefore they no longer matter. They are gone and so are the memories of us.

I have spoken my truth. Now I must begin my healing process. I will be a better person. I will be stronger. I will be love because I deserve love.

I am loved.

I am appreciated.

I am worthy.

I love me.

I love my life.

I love my family and friends.

I love my sense of humor.

I love my smile.

I love me.

I won't wish them all the best because that would be a lie. I don't wish them all the worst either. I simple wish them what they deserve, whether it's good things or bad things, that's between them and karma.

They know what they did. It's on them, not me.

Tonight I listened to a podcast about forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean that you're excepting what happened to you is ok. Forgiveness means let it go so you're free and no longer tied to your past.

You forgive because you love yourself so much because you don't want to keep hurting yourself for what happened. What happened cannot be changed. But you can forgive and let it go so you can free yourself.

I want to forgive their wrong doing towards me. I want to let go of the past so I can be free for my future. I want to, but I am not ready. I haven't heal therefore I am not ready to forgive. One day I will be able to wish it will, bless it and wish it its own freedom. That day is not today.

I'm a work in process and I'm working on healing me so I can love me more. I know they are hurting too, but at this moment I don't care. I just don't care enough to feel bad for hurting them with my truth. They say hurt people hurt people. It's a vicious cycle that humans are engaging in.

Today was a little better, but the heart still hurts. No more talking about the situation. Can't change it. Still hurts coming from someone you once loved so much.

I never cut the emotional string between him and I. I knew we were never getting back together but the feeling and emotions were still there, that's why it hurts so much more.

Been thinking about the times we spent together and I do missed him, missed us. Missed having my person. Missed having a best friend, a travel buddy, date nights. Missed the sex, missed the connections. Missed the kisses.

But he has moved on, made that loud and clear for me to see. Now he has someone else to do all those things with him and I have no one but my pain and heartache.

Life is unfair sometimes. 💔

Today is exactly a month since the situation happened. Also happens to be the 9th and a Tuesday as well. No communication from him, still cold silence. What did I expected? Respect, honesty, loyalty, decency between ex lovers and friends? Yes, I expected all of the above. That was my expectations. But I've learned you can imposed your expectations onto others because it always leads to disappointment.

Disappointed with how he chose to handle this situation. To handle our history and past together. He choose her over my feelings and my heart. Speaks volume about him and how he feels about me. There's a say:

How they treat you is how they feel about you. Don't try to decode or make excuses. It's simple. If they act like they don't care, they don't care.

Three plus years of being best friends and lovers gone in a moment. We are no longer friends nor are we enemies. We're just strangers who have memories of each other. This isn't how I wanted us to end. Can't change it. It happened and is happening.

Exactly to the date we broke up you've moved on. Moved on without saying goodbye to me. Just left.

Better to see your true character now than later.

I'm feeling frustrated and angry throughout the whole day. I'm frustrated because I still think about him and how he gets to move on. Posting pics of his new love and enjoying his life while mines is full of emotions. I'm angry because he's still a coward and staying silent.

He always said he hated Tuesday because they always bring bad news to him when he was working. Now he has ruined Tuesday for me too because I found out about his lies on a Tuesday.

Fuck him and fuck his new relationship. I meant what I said about karma. Whether he deserves good things or bad things, that's between him and karma.

What goes around comes around my friend.