Heart Broken - Tumblr Posts
Tonight I listened to a podcast about forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean that you're excepting what happened to you is ok. Forgiveness means let it go so you're free and no longer tied to your past.
You forgive because you love yourself so much because you don't want to keep hurting yourself for what happened. What happened cannot be changed. But you can forgive and let it go so you can free yourself.
I want to forgive their wrong doing towards me. I want to let go of the past so I can be free for my future. I want to, but I am not ready. I haven't heal therefore I am not ready to forgive. One day I will be able to wish it will, bless it and wish it its own freedom. That day is not today.
I'm a work in process and I'm working on healing me so I can love me more. I know they are hurting too, but at this moment I don't care. I just don't care enough to feel bad for hurting them with my truth. They say hurt people hurt people. It's a vicious cycle that humans are engaging in.
Today was a little better, but the heart still hurts. No more talking about the situation. Can't change it. Still hurts coming from someone you once loved so much.
I never cut the emotional string between him and I. I knew we were never getting back together but the feeling and emotions were still there, that's why it hurts so much more.
Been thinking about the times we spent together and I do missed him, missed us. Missed having my person. Missed having a best friend, a travel buddy, date nights. Missed the sex, missed the connections. Missed the kisses.
But he has moved on, made that loud and clear for me to see. Now he has someone else to do all those things with him and I have no one but my pain and heartache.
Life is unfair sometimes. 💔
Today is exactly a month since the situation happened. Also happens to be the 9th and a Tuesday as well. No communication from him, still cold silence. What did I expected? Respect, honesty, loyalty, decency between ex lovers and friends? Yes, I expected all of the above. That was my expectations. But I've learned you can imposed your expectations onto others because it always leads to disappointment.
Disappointed with how he chose to handle this situation. To handle our history and past together. He choose her over my feelings and my heart. Speaks volume about him and how he feels about me. There's a say:
How they treat you is how they feel about you. Don't try to decode or make excuses. It's simple. If they act like they don't care, they don't care.
Three plus years of being best friends and lovers gone in a moment. We are no longer friends nor are we enemies. We're just strangers who have memories of each other. This isn't how I wanted us to end. Can't change it. It happened and is happening.
Exactly to the date we broke up you've moved on. Moved on without saying goodbye to me. Just left.
Better to see your true character now than later.
4/20 today. Missed getting high with you 😞
Saw this posted yesterday on Reddit. It hit me hard because it's so true. Very hurtful, but very true. Still working through these thoughts and feelings. Hurts very much knowing that they knew they hurt me but they did it anyways because they're a weak coward. Because they choose themselves and their selfish ways instead of doing the right thing.
My account will be paid in full when the time comes.
Some days I missed you. I missed our connection, our communication, our time together. I want to reach out hoping to get a response from you. Hoping you missed me too. Miss us. But than I remembered what kind of person you have become and I hate myself for missing you when you don't even miss me.
I still care while you don't. I still miss while you've moved on. I still love while you love someone else.
It's almost 4 months and some days it still feel fresh. Like the lie and betrayal just happened yesterday. You're so heartless and cold.
Everywhere you are I hope...I don't know what to hope or wish for you because in this moment I don't hope or wish nothing for you. Call be petty, call be bitter...whatever I don't care today.
Today I'm putting my feelings and emotions ahead of yours and whatever is happening or not happening to you I don't care.
You shouldn't matter today or ever again. I didn't matter to you than nor now, therefore I should treat you the same as you did me.
~I am not broken and neither are my emotions. It's my heart that is broken. And until he is mended, I will not feel love. But feeling love is just what my heart needs.~
-a poem of a new kind
~What if the reason you feel like you missed out on something is because in a past life, you had experienced that exact thing?
What if the reason I feel like I miss you is because at one point in time, we didn't drift apart?
What if we are nothing but memories that faded lifetimes ago?~
-a poem of a new kind
Stop This Train | John Mayer
No I’m not color blind I know the world is black and white Try to keep an open mind but… I just can’t sleep on this tonight
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tw : bpd, depression, SH, dissociation, derealization, depersonalization, paranoia, emotional/physical ab*se, bullying, drugs, trauma, traumacore, eating disorder
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The hardest thing is watching your best friends fall in love with the boy that you loved first.
I dropped everybody to be with you, then you dropped me. And now I have nothing.
Just the other month you told me you loved me, now I'm lucky enough to even get a hello from you.
I still care for you so much that I have to think of all the wrong things you did to me just to sleep at night.
They say you gotta fail to succeed. Well you’ve put me down long enough, it’s time to move on in life.
Stop flirting with my crush! Even though they don’t know I exist!
I put my blood, sweat, and tears to what we had. And you didn't appreciate any of it.