Shootingscar - A Daydreamer's Diary!

He has everything..

He has peace..

He has freedom..

He has loyal people..

He's loved..

But..

He wanted more..

In the circle of thriving for power and greed, he lost everything he once had..

From :

"what's a life without power?"

To:

"what's a life with power to control one's body when their mind and heart despises you the most?"

He realised the cost of his greed..

Everything he paid with, for the power that's so useless..

He realised he's the most powerless he's ever been with all the power he ever dreamt of..

Am I overreacting ?? The question that haunts me constantly to the point idk if my emotions are valid, and so i ended up bottling 'em up till I was named the "cold emotionless rock at heart girl' all for hiding the little girl and her emotions inside the deepest corners of my heart and mind so that I can fight the reality while keeping her safe. The only way out for the suppressed emotions was to write 'em all, pouring every little thing I felt, staining the papers not only with ink but with many forbidden thoughts and forgotten feelings.

One of such overflowing midnight thoughts :

OVERREACTING??

Why shall I just react when I can overreact?

when I feel the flooding sarrow that's weighing my heart till I can't stand myself, why shall I just say 'I'm sorry' for things i never did or why shall I forgive, instead of writing a 50 page essay about how messed up you are to make me sick at mind and throw it on your face?!

when there's a 1000 volcanoes erupting inside me burning my insides to ashes till there's nothing left to feel, why shall I just say shut up and leave as if nothing happened when i can shout till I make ur ears bleed and ur eyes tear with guilt for the horrors you made me live in ?!

When I felt like a broken glass with a million pieces shattered around too afraid to walk on but too weak to pick them, why shall I cry in a corner voicing down my tone to not get caught hiding my pain when I can shatter your non existent pride making you aware of the deeds that brought me terror for your great satisfaction?!

...

If you're passionate about something that mortals find somewhat intimidating. You really do have a sexy brain!

"I am a mosaic of everyone l've ever loved, even for a heart beat."

Living Mosaics - by Hannah Hassler

Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry.

-Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

The Last Summer Dairies (intro?)

Capturing the moments..

To treasure a moment, to stop at that instance, to savour all of it while it ends.. We capture the moments on cameras, the photo's being the proof that we stopped time in that instance, in that exact moment and captured all of it in the photo! It's good until we get so obsessed with capturing the moment than actually living in the moment! For a 'no mobile at hostel' girl like me, capturing moments is through writing. Staining papers with all the memories I savoured, I captured my "worth stopping the time" moments!

- 10 july, 2023

(p.s. not everything in this collection is about capturing memories, some are just raw emotions or random thoughts too!)

Tags : #the last summer diaries

The original copy as on 20230710 .. as the original has some grammatical errors I edited the above post a bit and still not sure if it's all correct lol, typo's in my blood ;) also I scribbled everything that's on my mind very fast, so don't mind my writting-