The Last Summer Dairies - Tumblr Posts

The Last Summer Dairies..

Last summer was slow, painfully slow, with nothing to do and no one to talk to, bored, silent, lonely.. and so my mind has all the time of the world to think - over think - everything and anything cause why not, I used to write stuff that stings my mind randomly.. I spilled my thoughts and the flow of words into the papers soaking them in the ink of my favourite black pen.. now I wanted to put that whole collection here one by one reminiscing every memory - or thought - again!!

Welcome to my Last Summer Diaries..

capturing the moments (intro?)

Intro pt2

Someone's intro~

To my someone

To my someone 2

coming soon..

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The Last Summer Dairies (intro?)

Capturing the moments..

To treasure a moment, to stop at that instance, to savour all of it while it ends.. We capture the moments on cameras, the photo's being the proof that we stopped time in that instance, in that exact moment and captured all of it in the photo! It's good until we get so obsessed with capturing the moment than actually living in the moment! For a 'no mobile at hostel' girl like me, capturing moments is through writing. Staining papers with all the memories I savoured, I captured my "worth stopping the time" moments!

- 10 july, 2023

(p.s. not everything in this collection is about capturing memories, some are just raw emotions or random thoughts too!)

Tags : #the last summer diaries

The original copy as on 20230710 .. as the original has some grammatical errors I edited the above post a bit and still not sure if it's all correct lol, typo's in my blood ;) also I scribbled everything that's on my mind very fast, so don't mind my writting-

The Last Summer Dairies (intro pt2!)

(back then..) in the events of capturing the moments only with pen and papers and addressing it along with my opinions, I forgot that I've got nowhere to keep them all in one place. Everything was here and there, scattered around, wrapping me up like a cacoon. So i thought why can't I just put them all together in one place, in one book.

Memories from somewhere in the middle of May to until today (when I wrote this) marking the starting of July past 10 days! I had them all in pieces.. no order, no dates, I don't even remember when I wrote the oldest of few. So I'm putting all the pieces together randomly cause each and every one of them is a standalone.

This journey of collecting all those spilled moments of memory fragments, put together into one big piece is exciting and interesting! So let's dig into the past reminiscing the moments which then were only captured on papers. And we bring them all together and make this binding collection of dead trees all fresh and crisp, just ready to be stained by my beautiful moments in ink!

Happy or sad, every moment is beautiful in its own way and I would never want it to be anything else, I would never want it to be changed even in the slightest..

- 10 july, 2023

Tags : #the last summer diaries

The Last Summer Dairies

Someone's intro~

Last summer, as told in the intro, was very boring and still, but I'm chaotic tho! So was my friend. I always tell her how I make a better boyfriend for her than anyone else can if only I was boy and lol we both know I'm not lying.. tho the last summer dairies was supposedly a memory capture memoir there's nothing much left in that summer to capture, I spent my time reading, annoying my bestie, and writing this dairies.. so most of the content would be me just having a sudden surge of motivation after reading a certain page of a book or me just writting the most romantic, cheesiest and flirtatious love letters to my 'someone', my bestie, proving or rather teasing, that only I make the best boyfriend for her. So the someone in my letters is just my pookie ;)

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The Last Summer Dairies

To my someone :

You..

What have you done to me?!

For, you're not all the perfection of the universe, nor the most beautiful of all 8 billion!

When I first saw you..

Thought you are good and kinda 'reserved'

I don't quite remember it but I must've judged you, you too!

After all I'm a just a human and definitely not the best of my kind, who got both good and the bad nestled inside them..

You're not perfect either..

Nobody is..

But it's your imperfections that shined bright, flawed but real is what you are.. to me..

The love that's gradually filling up my heart - for you - has crushed all yours flaws, my eyes can only see you if it is to adore you and love you.. i thought the love made your flaws invisible but no, it made them look even more beautiful, every flaw, every scar, every tear, they're beautiful and pure.. for, judging you has far left my dictionary..

Idk how you do it, still, the same magic tricks. Every. Freaking. Day.. I'm spellbound.. it's that little smile of yours that does all the tricks i guess.. that smile, that gets all the butterflies in my tummy to flutter wildly.. you're a witch..

Your presence feels like a whole firework display during my darkest of nights..

Whenever I look at you, I feel like those hero's in movies or soap operas, gawking at the female lead, her sight alone played a 100 drums in his hearts along with a background song and suddenly everybody in the street is a undercover dancer. The heavy breeze that surprisingly never makes her hair frizzy but let is flow beautifully making her look the prettiest. And the 'full teeth display' smile is suddenly so beautiful?? How?? Love?? All of this.. which I once considered cringe is now my reality. The irony! The audacity! Love again? Goddamn you!!

Whenever I see you, I felt like the time's tricking me. As if it halted for a moment, a brief moment to admire you.. woah now I'm officially mad?! In love..?! Cheesy! But real :( the time stopped for a moment, for my eyes to capture your every detail, every flaw, and still adore you. The time, it feels painfully slow but awfully fast wherever I'm with you..

The voices inside me always taunted me, but when I'm with you they sing classic romantics?! The worse singers became the enchantress, the sirens, the muses, the nine circes. See, look at what your presence made me. What is so special about you?? To love you so deep and mad.

But then, I realised, you're not special, you're just YOU. A normal, joyous, chaotic yet adorable you! A human, like me. Cause what are you to be so special and flawless??? A doll? That I can choose beforehand, for how you should look and behave? A doll I can pick out of several others, pick the flawless one, the best of all from the carefully displayed showcase?? But you're not a doll.. you're a human, like me, in flesh and blood, with a heart that pumps and a mind that wanders around, with scars that glimmer gold and flaws that flaunts in silver. I have not chosen you because you're best of all, I haven't even chosen you to begin with, I just love you.

You're not stood out of the crowd but among the crowd caring everyone.. You're not ace of everything but jack of all trades enough to survive.. You're not a popular celebrity nor a high profile officer.. for now.. under every thing, beneath every layer, You're just YOU.. a normal human, fighting her own battles, loving her people while living her best life as she possibly can.

As selfishly as it might sound to you but I'm glad you're not special, for, I'm just as average and normal as you are, a typical human, so if you are special then I wouldn't have met you ever! You stayed as YOU, nothing special but also just specially you.. and so it was easy for me to have met you and be with you and find the lost lights of my life within your warmth.

You were never mine to begin with..

You were never unrecognizably special..

You're just YOU and now..

You're just mine..

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The last summer dairies

To my someone :

I don't know about happily ever after, cause I feel we're not meant for 'forever', we part and we live life on our own and might never get to see eachother or even if we do we may be too grown-up or too hesitant/awkward to start a conversation like we do now.. who knows? Who knows what future has in store for us..

Eventually everything ends like it meant to be, not everything can stay with us for an eternity, not even our own flesh and blood. Then why shall I dwell on the possible loss or departure in future, instead of cherishing the moment cause it won't last long, why shall I fear all the what if's and destroy what's happening?

So for the every moment that I've spent with you, I've learnt to cherish it, I've learnt to cherish our time together. It's like a part of you, part of us - a memory - that I'd carry with me till my last breath, even if we're together or just somewhere far away.

I realised I don't wanna name 'us'. I feel we're beyond every bond, every relationship tag that we humans invented. I believe, to love someone doesn't require any tags, all it requires is a heart full of love. To name us or to tag us, is to limit us, to limit our love only to the tag that describe us. If I tag someone as a friend or family I can only love them as such, nothing more. And I feel I love you limitless, tho platonic it has no limits I guess, so I don't wanna tag us and hope you never ask for one, it might sound silly or look like a messed up situation ship, but trust me I just love you, like a person who love another person without any reason, without any tags.

Sometimes I feel like we're romantic in a way, like damn I flirt with you more than I possibly could with my future someone, and we're definitely the friendliest cause we are, we're what not?? We're everything! So baby why limit us with a tag? Why limit our love?!

After all I've said and wrote for you, if you still question your position or the priority I give to you in my life, you're as dumb as a rock! I said what i said.

No tag means no importance?? Just cause I said you're more than a friend but couldn't say what you exactly are meant you mean nothing to me?? You think! When I wanted tagless and limitless love for us, you - unaware and insecure of your role - asked me to limit us?! I understand your inner turmoil but bruh you're dumb sorry!

I may have many people in my life with different tags and different priorities,some might even meant more than you but that doesn't mean you're any less, you remain the same, you remain as the same tag less, strong, pure and silly bond I've got. You're not this, not that, you're everything. Not romantic nor platonic, just soulful.

Remember even if I got hit by a huge, like very huge truck (if!!) And got diagnosed with amnesia, then remember that it's the body, the mind that is effected not my heart or soul. I might forget about your existence, the bodily materialistic existence, but your love remains the same. I might still feel the tears forming in my eyes when I see you in the hospital ward who came to check on me after the incident, I might struggle to remember you but my heart already dwells up and squeezes out the love in form of tears off my eyes, a heavy unknown yet familiar lump forms in my throat cutting the oxygen supply, all cause my heart still loves you while my mind forgot about your existence.

That is how pure our bond is..

That is how pure my love is..

I loved you, neat and clean..

Soulfully and heartfelt..

and will ever do! 𖹭

Tags : #the last summer dairies

Author's note : Idk why half my summer dairies were filled with the love letters I wrote to my bestie (ik I said no tags but it's as in the love, it's beyond the love I show for any friend, while l call her ma or momma, I still describe her as my bestie to the world) but trust me there's other stuff too.. right?!