The Last Summer Dairies (intro Pt2!)

The Last Summer Dairies (intro pt2!)

(back then..) in the events of capturing the moments only with pen and papers and addressing it along with my opinions, I forgot that I've got nowhere to keep them all in one place. Everything was here and there, scattered around, wrapping me up like a cacoon. So i thought why can't I just put them all together in one place, in one book.

Memories from somewhere in the middle of May to until today (when I wrote this) marking the starting of July past 10 days! I had them all in pieces.. no order, no dates, I don't even remember when I wrote the oldest of few. So I'm putting all the pieces together randomly cause each and every one of them is a standalone.

This journey of collecting all those spilled moments of memory fragments, put together into one big piece is exciting and interesting! So let's dig into the past reminiscing the moments which then were only captured on papers. And we bring them all together and make this binding collection of dead trees all fresh and crisp, just ready to be stained by my beautiful moments in ink!

Happy or sad, every moment is beautiful in its own way and I would never want it to be anything else, I would never want it to be changed even in the slightest..

- 10 july, 2023

Tags : #the last summer diaries

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appears to look bright until you hear them speak.

- Alan Dundes

Am I overreacting ?? The question that haunts me constantly to the point idk if my emotions are valid, and so i ended up bottling 'em up till I was named the "cold emotionless rock at heart girl' all for hiding the little girl and her emotions inside the deepest corners of my heart and mind so that I can fight the reality while keeping her safe. The only way out for the suppressed emotions was to write 'em all, pouring every little thing I felt, staining the papers not only with ink but with many forbidden thoughts and forgotten feelings.

One of such overflowing midnight thoughts :

OVERREACTING??

Why shall I just react when I can overreact?

when I feel the flooding sarrow that's weighing my heart till I can't stand myself, why shall I just say 'I'm sorry' for things i never did or why shall I forgive, instead of writing a 50 page essay about how messed up you are to make me sick at mind and throw it on your face?!

when there's a 1000 volcanoes erupting inside me burning my insides to ashes till there's nothing left to feel, why shall I just say shut up and leave as if nothing happened when i can shout till I make ur ears bleed and ur eyes tear with guilt for the horrors you made me live in ?!

When I felt like a broken glass with a million pieces shattered around too afraid to walk on but too weak to pick them, why shall I cry in a corner voicing down my tone to not get caught hiding my pain when I can shatter your non existent pride making you aware of the deeds that brought me terror for your great satisfaction?!

...

Quotes :

Living Mosaics

Intelligence is sexy

Save me from my mind

Clockwork Angel

A day away

It's all lies darling

All is well

Diaries of Virginia Woolf

Isolation

Do it now

Pretending

I don't feel particularly proud of myself. But when I walk alone in the woods or lie in the meadows, all is well.

- Franz Kafka

If you're passionate about something that mortals find somewhat intimidating. You really do have a sexy brain!