Im So Sick Of Second Guessing Everything I Do. Every Little Thing. I Just Want To Feel Good About A Decision
I’m so sick of second guessing everything I do. Every little thing. I just want to feel good about a decision for once and not be afraid of doing something wrong or of being rejected.
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More Posts from Sickandinlove04
I don’t even have any words to describe how I’m feeling about him right now. It’s weird. I’m feeling very empty about the situation.
I’m having a day where the realization of my limits of being sick is hitting. I just want to get married and be a stay at home mom someday. I can barely fold laundry and put it away without feeling tired. Putting dishes away is exhausting. It took me two hours to clean one bathroom once bc I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up. But I’m the ridiculous one who has to prove I can do it even though I cried most of the way through it. I can’t imagine a day where I feel healthy enough to take care of kids and clean the house and cook and do everything that needs to be done. I can’t see that future and it hurts. Because that is the only thing I have ever wanted for my future. I don’t have a dream job and I can’t just travel and move as I’d like to. Honestly most days I can’t even see myself in the future. When I was in high school I didn’t think I’d live past 20. Not sure why 20 but it was 20. I can’t see myself having a future. Much less a future where I’m happy and living a normal ish life.
I’m having a bad day mentally. I feel like I’ll never be good enough. I feel like no one will ever love me. I feel like I’m made to show love to others but never get it in return. I feel like I’ll never get over him. I feel like I’ll never find the one. I feel like I’ll never be happy again. But tomorrow I will put on a happy face for work and my family and I will hold it all inside.
I have no one to talk to. Not even my family. Everything hurts. I’m so alone.
I’ve been blaming you for my sadness bc it’s easier to blame someone else than to realize that all this hurt is from myself. I’m sorry if that has somehow affected you. I know you never really cared about me so I doubt you care what I do or think. But you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry.