' ,

𝗗𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗲𝘃𝘀𝗸𝘆 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘆, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘁

Fyodor sees himself as hollow. The only thing that should fullfill him is faith, God, future visions. And yet, his mind, his flesh desires more than this.

Still, Fyodor doesn't see himself as an individual, but rather an instrument for Heaven's will.

Dostoevsky barely has any personal preferences and hides them well. The only consistent drive he is open about is a desire to be around beauty: classical music, delectable food, gorgeous people.

As if being around perfect and good-looking stuff can clench Fyodor's self-disgust.

Every time Dostoevsky is lavished with nice things, he feels like a rat, crawling into a royal palace. He doesn't deserve any of that. Not after everything that happened.

And yet, his little heart can't help but tremble every time someone gifts him an earthly pleasure: good wine, sweet tea, a peaceful atmosphere; people tending to him, surrounding him with all the comfort he needs. Fyodor can get addicted to it easily. But it never lasts.

There is a part deep inside of him that never relaxes, never gives into safety. Maybe, it's the part that ultimately broken or the one that belongs to God. It's restless and unstoppable.

Every time it wakes up, Fyodor's compulsion to save destroy the world takes over. Something triggers Dostoevsky, reminds him of his ability and he is back on his feet, searching for a way to fix everything.

Fyodor can never enjoy a good life for long enough. Every time he does, his drive drags him back into sewers,

where memories of peace

can only haunt him.

𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 “𝐰𝐡𝐲”: 𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡

Nikolai grins, when he hears: “Why are you doing this?”. Gogol pretends to answer this question with delight, not to show that he's terrified. Of what? Not having the answer to "why". He hates this word so much. It triggers his self-doubt, non-stop questioning of himself, everlasting mistrust of every thought that he has.

Nikolai feels a pit opening up inside his stomach. If they ask him “why”, it means his actions don't make sense. They don't understand the meaning behind his deeds. Maybe, it doesn't exist?

Gogol doesn't know “why” himself. Fyodor Dostoevsky gave him the answer he liked. But was it a real answer to Nikolai's “why?”. The doubt lingers, no matter how much he wishes it would disappear. Why is he like this? Will he feel better when he finds out eventually?

𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢'𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐞

Will Kolya be happy to give his body to Fyodor? Not as an act of revenge against morality. But as a present from one friend to another.

Before that, Gogol didn't have anything Fyodor could appreciate. Neither his philosophical jokes nor whimsical emotions ever touched Fyodor in a way he wanted.

But now, Kolya has something Fyodor can grow to like. Nikolai's body with no soul inside. A new vessel ready to go! This is something his dearest friend will enjoy.

Dostoevsky might even thank him for disappearing! Isn't it amazing, indeed? Now Gogol won't have to fear his friend dying and leaving him behind. It's delightful, it makes Kolya want to fly!

𝐅𝐲𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐂𝐢𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐚𝐥

Bill Cipher, “the Book of Bill”:

"... I don't need anyone, I NEVER HAVE, and I DON'T MISS ANY OF THEM! I'M FINE!".

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Character card letter”:

“I'm always alone. And this is fine by me. Has been, and always will be”.

Yes, they're both “fine”. Only Bill screams into the void, and Fyodor becomes one.

So what do we have here? Two infinity-old almost-immortal demons, who destroy themselves just to prove they can be alone forever.

Spoiler alert: they can't. And they despise the vulnerability that's still left inside of them.

Well, at least Bill's in therapy. But he is also at the point of breaking. Fyodor is still holding on, I guess? But barely.

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Love your analyses! They're very nice to read and touch a lot of internal conflicts C: ♡♡♡

Thank you so much! •O• I love dissecting character motives and contradictions within, yet I'm always a bit scared that it's boring to read about. But your words made me feel so happy and proud 😤 Now I feel inspired to write even more stuff!