It's Been A Minute And For Once, It's Not Just Because I Was Swiming In The Dumpster After Being Down

It's been a minute and for once, it's not just because I was swiming in the dumpster after being down in a trash bin ☺

No, this time I was gone because I wanted to do something more with my writing and get it seen by more people. While Tumblr has helped my self-esteem (somewhat), it's obviously harder to be seen on here.

Then, it was like the universe heard me and it dropped this post to me.

So after some convincing myself to try, I attempted learning html and......... It was actually pretty fun.

All things considered, I'm no tech person, I dislike math, and cannot stand things that are too technical; but their resources broke it down in a way I could understand and I built my first website from the ground up 🕺

So, if your curious about what it looks like, you can check it out here!

And maybe don't look at it on mobile 😅

Also, obviously, I'm still new to codding so the site looks as basic as basic can be. I'm also waiting to learn javascript, so there's nothing too advanced on there either.

Regardless, I'm extremely proud of myself for sticking with this and trying it out. Physically, I haven't been so well so this is a good distraction while I get better.

But, let me tell you what you can expect to see!

More info about my stories (like how they came to be)

Personal goals for my stories

Excerpts of what I've written

Self-made covers

Character concepts

Funny tidbits about the development of my stories

I'm not finished with everything I wanna do, and some things I'll have to learn how to make, but I eventually plan to have more pages including:

An about me page

Pages for my ideas that are either dead, half-made, or ideas that are nothing more than that.

Some of my fanfictions

A hobbies and interests page

And pages for my 250k word collection of short stories: Quiet Girl

I'm excited for everything I have planned, so if you like what you see here, stop by my page and see if you like anything else!

That's all from me, thanks for reading and I hope things are okay now and they stay okay with you 🍂

So.... I tried NaNo this month and lol, I can't believe I even thought my brain would allow this to work for a second.

I really tried though.

So here's a summary:

The first week: I tried working on an old idea of mine I wanted to re-write. I just couldn't get into it no matter how hard I tried though.

Second week: I got obsessed with Resident Evil and got an idea for another story. So with no planning, I started writing that instead.

Second week P. 2: I assumed I was gonna actually write this new idea, but I kept feeling bad every day and stopped working on everything all together.

Second week P. 3: I decided to build a site after seeing a super cool post.

Third week: I built the site and got obsessed with learning more about coding html.

Every week after that was slowly learning about html, coding, and web design.

In between that time I randomly got interested in a story I "finished" about a year back and started to edit it.

So far, that editing turned into my NaNo.

All things considered, it found a way to work itself out.

With much forgiveness, anyone can go from foe to friend.

Frustrated tears cooled the warm face of the young girl seated by herself outside in the warm summer afternoon. No matter what, this day felt especially bad and her thoughts wouldn’t stop for anything no matter what she did to halt them.

However, the world would have it where she could have no privacy and was soon approached by someone else.

“Cassie?”

She rubbed her face quickly and turned to look at the voice that called her. “Jessica? Why are you here?”

Her eyes looked off. “You’re annoying ass brother wouldn’t leave me alone. He didn’t know where you were so I… figured you’d be here.”

Cassie’s head shook. “How did you know I would be here?”

“Because, dummy, this is where you and… him would hang out isn’t it?”

Thankful she hadn’t mentioned the name, Cassie still felt a twinge in her chest and turned her head away. “I guess so…”

The pair remained in a stiff silence and Jessica made no effort to say anything. Cassie didn’t move and remained sitting on the ground with her knees pulled up to her face. Eventually, Jessica sat down beside her and let out a sigh.

“Can I ask, why you’re out here?”

Cassie just shrugged. “I wanted to be alone.”

“Because?”

“Just because.”

Jessica rolled her eyes knowing they weren’t going to get anywhere. She didn’t know if things were right for her to say considering their relationship up to this point, but she felt a bit like she could say one thing.

Now, it was a matter of if she wanted to say it or not.

Jessica sat on that thought for a while and eventually Cassie shifted to stand up.

“I’m sorry Ren bothered you. I think I’m just gonna head home now.”

Jessica said nothing as Cassie started to walked off. She didn’t get very far before Jessica got to her feet as well and caught Cassie by her arm.

“Hey just… you don’t have to leave.”

Cassie didn’t look back.

“Just, let me say something okay?” Jessica’s grip only tightened and soon she let out a slight groan before speaking. “Were you crying over Aki?” Feeling her arm tense, Jessica assumed she was right.

“I wasn’t crying,” Cassie said with her head turned away.

“Come on already, I know you were crying and I know it had to be because of him.”

Cassie continued to shake her head and she started to yank her arm trying to break away from Jessica.

“Look, I miss him too, and it wasn’t like I had any reason to; but you can’t sit here and cry about him. It’s over and time to move on.”

More violently this time, Cassie pulled her arm and used her free hand to pull as well. “Let go of me!”

“No, just… if you don’t have anyone to talk to, then you can talk to me.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why can’t you? What’s the issue with just telling me something I already know?”

Cassie, with a frustrated tone, said, “because you’ve always acted like you know everything! Even when you would bully me because of some boy.” Jessica’s grip loosened and Cassie was able to pull her arm back to her side.

Trying to ignore the first part, Jessica moved on. “So, he was just some boy to you?”

Cassie sighed. “No, he wasn’t just some boy and you fucking know that.” Cassie ran a hand through her hair. “I just used to think it was so ridiculous that you were actually bullying me because of a crush you had on a guy who was dating someone else.”

Jessica wrapped her arms around her waist. “Yeah, I know it was stupid.” She paused. “But, you can’t blame me. I had no other choice, especially when… I had no chance.”

“So you were aware Aki would never like you, yet you still bullied me to no end?” Cassie scoffed. “I’m not sure how I should feel about that. This whole conversation is making me feel that way."

Jessica kept her eyes away from Cassie’s figure and as the silence fell over them, she could only hear her thoughts trying to answer that exact question. Eventually, Jessica managed to find some words and looked back at Cassie who was scowling at this point.

“I know I should say something like sorry to you, but that would be a lie. I don’t feel sorry for what happened, I feel like I should make it up to you instead.”

“Huh?”

“Like, I know what I did to you. Saying sorry isn’t going to make up for the years I made fun of you, the rumors I spread about you, or even the spiteful things I did to break up you and Aki. So, I feel like maybe I should make it up instead of saying sorry.”

Cassie stared at the girl in front of her. Without very many words, Cassie felt a little off about what she was saying. Not because she didn’t want to hear it, but because it didn’t make sense where this was coming from.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Cassie said, “why would you even want to do that? Why not just leave me be?”

Jessica let out a small breath. “Because, I think you and me are the only two people in the world who knows how the other feels.”

“I’m… not getting it.”

“Come on, you and I are both too smart to play dumb here. You were crying, no matter if you say otherwise or not, and I know exactly how you feel because I also liked Aki.”

Cassie bit her lip listening to Jessica’s words. “Even if that was true, what happened between me and Aki isn’t something I’ll remember forever. I’ll move on because no one cares about just a stupid relationship anyways.”

“I know you don’t feel that way. I don’t know what kind of shit you went through to think that no one would care, but only an asshole would say that to your face.” Jessica paused. “Someone who really cared about you would feel every little sliver of pain you feel no matter how dumb you think it is.”

That seemed to strike a cord in Cassie and her breath caught in her throat. “Wha-what are you saying that for?”

“Because Aki is an extremely nice person who—believe it or not—comforted me as well. I know he said those things to you because he used to say them to me. The only difference being that he was just sympathetic to me.” Jessica’s head dropped. “I can admit now that, yes, I was jealous of what you and him had. So, to see that you lost what I was trying so desperately to get… I know how you’re feeling, Cassie.”

“Like I haven’t heard that a million times. Listen, I don’t need any comforting. Like I said, I’ll move on eventually.”

“And I’m sure you will, but I need you to understand that you don’t have to be by yourself right now. I told you—I know exactly what you’re feeling.” Jessica’s head came up and there, Cassie saw something she never thought she would.

Streaming down her face, were tears that appeared just as cooling as Cassie’s did. Jessica started to choke over her words, but she spoke through it. Through her sobs and coughs, she managed to keep talking.

“I know it hurts… I know you feel like Aki was the only good thing to ever happen to you… I know you want to hug him again, you just want him to tell you everything will be alright.” Her hands went to her face. “Because he always made it seem like things really would be okay.”

Hearing that and seeing Jessica’s strong outburst, Cassie felt the tears she tried to hide come back. Her head dropped into her hands and once again, she started to cry. Jessica moved closer to Cassie and grabbed her, pulling her into a tight embrace. The girls held each other as if letting go would kill them and, in this moment, it felt like it would.

It felt like their hearts were both hurting and this hug was the beginning to mending them. Their hearts that fought for so long to maintain an image that hurt them more than protected them was starting to melt away. This embrace felt like something they both had been missing in the months their hearts were given back to them.

Jessica managed to calm herself and leaned over to see Cassie’s face. She was still crying, but was obviously holding it back by her frame shaking in Jessica’s grasp. Thinking not to bring it up, Jessica spoke about something else instead.

“By the way, Ren didn’t tell me you were here.”

“H-he didn’t?”

“No. I got worried about you when you left school today. I figured something might have been bothering you since you never really opened up about it.” Jessica paused and allowed the quiet to wash over them. “So, are you really okay?”

For a while, Cassie didn’t say anything or even move. Eventually, she said, “no…” Her voice was broken.

“Is there anything that’d help?”

Cassie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never had to deal with something like this before.” Her voice was becoming shallow.

“Okay, that’s fine.” Jessica paused. “I wouldn’t know what to do either, but how about we take it slow? You can talk to me if you want and if not, we’ll spend the summer doing whatever you want.”

Cassie said nothing to this, but it was obvious she was grateful as her shaking calmed significantly. She then gave a slow nod.

“Okay…”

Jessica felt relieved at those words. “Alright, but I really think you should at least let your brother know about this. He can be with you much more than I can.”

Cassie barely got out any of her words, but she finally mustered out a whisper of, “thank you…”

Jessica smiled. “You’re welcome.”

Here's something interesting I learned being a former imagines writer. If you're having a hard time being descriptive, remove pronouns all together.

So sometimes with imagines I would write something gender neutral and it always forced me to be WAY more descriptive.

Here's an example:

She found herself lost in hallway. Not just because she was unfamiliar with the location, but because her mind was elsewhere. She was occoupied with anything but the exit.

Here's the gender neutral version:

For more than reason, Sam was lost in the hallway. Not just because this was unfamiliar location, but because the idea of finding the exit wasn't the most important thing right now.

Is this part important to the plot?

No, but it is important to me.

Here again after my usual hiatus this time though it was because of real world shit, aka setting appointments to get my teeth removed yay but I wanted to post something.

So, just today (or yesterday it's 2am for me) I finished a page on my website about an idea I got about a game idea. This is pretty common for me, but I wanted to share it here in case anyone was interested :D

Anyways, here's a little preview and you can read the full thing here if you want.

I was also considering making proofs of concepts about some of the mini-games I talked about and other collectables, but who know if I'll get around to that with all the other ideas I have in my head.

Either way, that's the post~

🍂