This Is Why You Should Always Drink On An Empty Stomach

This is why you should always drink on an empty stomach

There was once a big oaf named McGill,

Who quite stupidly drank himself ill.

He threw up wine corks,

Two meals with three forks

And a chewed-upon five dollar bill.

Top:

"I founded the U.S. Mint. It's pretty obscure. You probably never heard of it."

Bottom:

"I don't need a peg leg; I have peg teeth."

Edit: Sorry, the bottom should say "One Dollaaaaaarrrrrr!"

A Crude (Yet Creative) Crossover

First, let me introduce you to the lovely Jill and Alice: Nyphomanical Jill Used a dynamite stick for a thrill. They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil. Nyphomanical Alice Used a dynamite stick for a phallus. They found her vagina In South Carolina And her asshole in Brazil.

Before we progress, a short chemistry lesson: dynamite consists of a chemical called TNT which is short for TriNitroToluene.

Now that we've all gotten to know each other rather intimately and brushed up our chemistry vocabulary, I present to you The Great Poetry Mashup:

Higgledy piggledy, Alice of Limerick Nymphomaniacally Tried something new: Heterosexual Use of the chemical Trinitrotolulene's Foolish to do.

Source: Hic et ubique's post on this discussion thread.

Math! It's delicious !

I generally adhere to the "traditional" classification of limericks; that is, the poem must be dirty, perverted, somehow sex-related, or simply gross to qualify as a "proper" limerick. However, every once in a while I come across a "clean" limerick that I like so much that I have to make an exception. The anonymous poem below is one of such exceptions.

A mathematician named Klein

Thought the Möbius loop was divine.

Said he: "If you glue

The edges of two,

You'll get a weird bottle like mine."

If you are not familiar with the concept Klein bottles or Möbius loops, I highly suggest utilizing Google and/or Wikipedia as they are quite weird and a lot of fun (and you can easily make yourself a Möbius loop to play with!).

For further reading: Acme Klein Bottles has a whole page of Klein bottle cartoons and limericks. It's awesome; you should check it out.

I will formally conclude this post with some spiffy Möbius loop/Klein bottle animation.

Möbius loop

Klein bottle

Klein bottle with highlighted Möbius loop

And finally, a Klein bottle hat that I might just have to order for myself...

Too soon?

Hoitily-toitily

SNL's Samberg had

Asked an alluring young

Lady to dance.

Finding some privacy

Andy excitedly,

Anti-climactically

Jizzed in his pants.

Let it be known: I am one of those rare New Yorkers who actually likes pigeons, but I still think this song is the bee's knees.

No pigeons were harmed in the making of this film.

...probably.

Edit: Turn on the Closed Captioning - it makes the entire experience feel like an avant-garde art film.