Sometimes I Forget That People Don't Actually Know Or Understand My Thought Processes, So I Confuse Them

Sometimes I forget that people don't actually know or understand my thought processes, so I confuse them by saying shit like:

13 and 15.....so 5

out loud and not explaining because I know what I mean because I had the whole thought in my head. I know that these two characters are 13 and 15, meaning that they're 5 and 7 years younger than another character, but you don't know that because you're not in my head

I can faux purr

I can sound like several different animals

I can squeak

What's next?

I can imitate accents and voices

I can become different people

I can manipulate people and situations

What power will be added to my arsenal next?

DC x DP

Tell me if I got the acronyms right

DC: Disregard Canon

DP: Deify Phanon

(DP could also, possibly, mean "Dote on Phanon")

The 'x', before you ask, doesn't stand for anything. It's a placeholder, like in math

... don't tell any of my former teachers I just said that

Things I think about on the [near] daily

Person (P) 1: You're late.

Person (P) 2: [ruffled, fixing their hair] Sorry, I was...doing things

*stomping getting closer* *door is thrown open*

Person (P) 3: [huffing] He pushed me down the fucking stairs!

P 2: Push is such a strong word. I prefer to say, "giving you a little nudge".

P 3: I'll give you a little nudge when I shove my foot up your ass!

P 2: Hey! Watch your fucking language in front of the president.

-----

*elevator doors close*

Iain: Where's the buttons?

Rob: Oh, no. They've installed voice-recognition technology in this lift. They have no buttons.

Iain: Voice-recognition technology? In a lift? In Scotland? You ever tried voice-recognition technology?

Rob: No

Iain: They don't do Scottish accents.

Rob: Eleven.

Voice: Could you please repeat that?

Iain: Eleven.

Rob: Eleven. Eleven.

Iain: Eleven.

Voice: Could you please repeat that?

Rob: EL-EV-EN

Iain: Who's idea was this? You need to try an American accent. E-leven. E-leven.

Rob: That sounds Irish, not American.

Iain: No it doesn't! ELEVEN.

Rob: Where in America is that - Dublin?

Voice: I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that?

Rob: Try an English accent. Elevin! Elevin!

Iain: You from the same part of England as Dick van Dyke?

Rob: Let's hear yours then, smartass.

Voice: Please speak slowly and clearly.

Rob: SMARTASS

Iain: E-lev-en.

Voice: I'm sorry. Could you please repeat that?

Iain: ELEVEN! If ya don't understand a lingo, away back to your own country!

Rob: Ooo, it's that talk now is it, away back to your own country?

Iain: Oh, don't start, Mr. Bleeding Heart. How can you be racist to a lift?

Voice: Please speak slowly and clearly.

Rob: Eleven. Eleven. Eleven. Eleven.

Iain: You're just saying it the same way!

Rob: And I'm going to keep saying it until it understands Scottish, alright?

Rob: Eleven. Eleven. Eleven. Eleven.

Iain: Oh, just take us anywhere, ya cow! Just open the doors!

Voice: This is a voice activated elevator. Please state which floor you would like to go to in a clear and calm manner.

Iain: Calm? Calm? Where's that coming from? Why's it telling people to be calm?

Rob: Because they knew they'd be selling this to Scottish people who'd be going off their nuts at it!

Voice: You have not selected a floor.

Rob: Aye, we have! Eleven!

Voice: If you would like to get out of the elevator without selecting a floor, simply say "Open the doors, please".

Iain: Please? Please? Suck my wully.

Rob: Maybe we should just say "please".

Iain: I'm not begging that for nothing.

Rob: Open the doors, please.

Iain: 'Please'! Pathetic.

Voice: Please remain calm.

Rob: Oh! My! God! You want until I get up there...just wait for it to speak...

Voice: You have not selected a floor.

Rob: Up yours, ya cow! If you don't let us through those doors, I'm gonna come to America, I'm gonna find whatever desperate actress gave you a voice, and it'll be the electric chair for ye!

Iain: Scotland, ya bastard!

Rob: Scotland!

Iain: SCOTLAND!

Rob: SCOOOOOTLAND!!

Iain: FREEDOM!!

Rob: FREEDOM!!

*elevator doors open with a ding*

Iain: ...Going up?

Bruce figured out their civilian identities pretty quickly. He had to, in order to recruit them. Either way, he knew the names of all of the Justice League heroes and they had no idea who he was.

Most of them either ignored their personas - like Wonder Woman and Green Lantern who didn't talk about their civilian life in costume or vice versa - while others - Superman - sang their own praises as civilians.

Superman's whole having three names thing was useful, and a pretty good cover, but Batman had spotted that the relationship between Clark Kent and Lois Lane was the exact one that Superman and Lois Lane shared, so that was a bit of a moot point.

Personally, Bruce liked his way of keeping people off his tail. Not only were Brucie Wayne and Batman polar opposites, but they were both each other's biggest haters. Although, Bruce publicly admitted that he thinks Batman has the right idea, just not the best execution. While Batman, not on record but definitely heard, has said that Bruce Wayne does good things for Gotham as a whole.

The kids all think it's hilarious, but no one - except Tim, but he's a special case - has managed to cement his civilian and caped identities as being the same person.

Well, maybe Harvey has, but that's because of a lot of reasons. As long as Two Face doesn't reveal that information, and Bruce knows he won't, then all's well.

The point is that Batman knows who the Justice League are outside of capes and masks, but they don't know who he is. Of course, revealing himself would mean revealing his kids, and they wouldn't like that if he was boring about it.

The only natural solution is to be over the top and dramatic about it.

He could keep his name to himself, but where's the fun in that?

Though, it'd be funnier if he managed to keep the appearance of Batman and Bruce Wayne hating each other, especially if he reveals that the Bat Cave is under Wayne Manor.

That'd be funny. His kids would be proud.

His kids will want in on this.

He's got some conspiring planning to do.

Storyboard Part 2

Look, I'm not sex or romance repulsed. I just don't understand them. I can't wrap my head around how or why people feel the way they do.

Frankly, I don't want to understand.

Please don't explain that stuff to me.

There have been occasions where I have asked someone to explain their feelings or how their romantic attraction feels to them, but that's me asking. If I do not ask, do not explain.

I'm not asking you to do this. I'm stating it.

I only bring this up because I can't say this to people in person without people getting pissy. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but when it's people I spend significant amounts of time (whether my own choice or not) with, it gets awkward fast.

Also, I feel like other aros, aces, and aroaces need to say this but can't.