Don't Let Me Go - Adam Stanheight / Reader

Don't Let Me Go - Adam Stanheight / Reader

This one is inspired by Selena Gomez's song, Slow Down.

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In a blaze of neon laser-lights and dazzling sparkles you found yourself in a loud, crowded, nightclub. The beat of the music above blended into the walls and floor. Your eyes followed all the shining, glittering, flashing lights that pounced across the dance floor. Your mouth felt dry and your mind felt fuzzy, your chest was tight and your eyes were stinging. Something about this made you excited. You waded through the sweaty river of people. You deliberately passed the bar; you’d come by yourself and needed a clear head to drive. 

You maneuvered around the place slowly, taking in the scenery, the scents, and the activity. In all four of the corners  were two or more young drug addicts shooting up or vaping. Noises were coming from the closets; either loud thudding or desperate moaning - of the two you didn’t know which was better. It smelled like canned beer, and burnt cigarettes. 

You scanned the crowd for someone as you went. You didn’t know who you were looking for, just anyone at this point. You were single, but it had been a long time since your last relationship - three years perhaps? You wanted to try again, but you didn’t know how. Maybe trying a nightclub wasn’t the way to go? There WERE a lot of people here, though… so that was good. Maybe you’d find someone after all?

You spotted a young man leaning against one of the walls, his head back, hands in his pockets, and a cigarette propped up in his mouth. He seemed to be enjoying the solitude, however you wondered if he’d be bothered by you, if you approached. You couldn’t help noticing the way his white shirt hung on his body. Maybe you’d just found a target of interest?

You approached him nervously, keeping your eyes on the floor. “Hello, sir?” You asked quietly. “You look lovely tonight. Are you with anyone?”

He opened his eyelids slightly, to look down at you from an angle. “Who’s asking?”

You shifted your feet, and looked at him. “I am.”

The man straightened his back and looked at you properly. You felt his eyes scan up and down your sides. “Oh…” he breathed. “No, I’m here by myself.”

You raised your eyebrows and gazed up at him. “Really?”

“Really. Now what’s this about? Obviously you didn’t walk up to introduce yourself.”

You stretched your hand out to him. “F/N L/N!” You stated promptly. “But no, you’re right. There was more than that. I was looking for a friend tonight, and you seemed nice.”

The young man smiled back at you. “I’d be damned if I was anything but. Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Adam.” He adjusted his shirt with a quick jerk of his wrist. “Adam Stanheight. Faulkner Stanheight, if you want to get fancy.” He leaned down so that his face was inches away from yours. 

You smiled shyly. “Mind if I keep you company this late night?”

“How can I turn down such a pretty person? Please, I’d love you to.”

You chuckled nervously and leaned up against the wall. It was a little quieter over here despite being surrounded by blasting music. You were content. “So, what’s a handsome fella like you, doing at a nightclub all by himself?”

Adam smirked around his cigarette. “Enjoying a good ol’ smoke. That’s why I’m here.”

“Oh, really? It’s a passtime to smoke in nightclubs?” You asked sarcastically.

“Maybe find a nice chick… or fella…” He turned to face you again. “Especially ones with a little sense of humor.” He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. 

You giggled self-consciously. “Oh… why thank you…”

“Now you answer. Why are YOU all by yourself?”

You sighed, and looked past Adam out the window. It was dark out there, not even a street lamp was on. You couldn’t see anything except for the navy blue, pitch black, sky. It looked dismal. Earnestly, you told him the truth. “I don’t know. I guess I thought it was a good time to try again. I haven’t… been like this for three years.”

Adam pushed himself closer to you, seemingly intrigued by your story. He put out his cigarette and tossed it into the nearest ashtray, all while keeping his eyes fixed on you. “So, you chose to have a conversation with me?”

“Uh…” you shrugged. “Yeah. I’m not looking for anything right now, only a friend. I was planning to just… let the friendship evolve and see where it takes me.”

 Adam moved even closer. You could feel his warm breath on your lips. “I would be honored to help you rediscover what love is like…” 

You felt chills run up your spine, and you gazed into this man’s brown eyes. “You… You’re really that fond of me?”

“I can’t help it.” He grinned at you. “I’m sucked in by your charm.”

Your face went bright red. You felt hot suddenly. Having such a cute man tell you that you looked good made you feel confident, but also made you feel awkward. You laughed nervously. 

Adam tousled your hair. “I like your voice,” he said seriously. 

You kept your eyes on the floor. “Thanks…”

Adam stepped closer to you. It amazed you that neither of you were physically touching at this point. He brushed his fingers through your hair with one hand and with the other he cupped your cheek. He came even closer. 

Now you were touching. His chest was slightly pressing on yours and your legs were starting to get tangled together. You looked up. His eyes were right there! Everything was so close to you, it made you dizzy. 

“Woah… hi…” you whispered. 

“Hi…” Adam whispered back. 

You stayed like that for several minutes. Adam slowly kept getting closer and closer to you until finally he had you in an embrace so loving and affectionate that you couldn’t believe you were you. You felt like someone else, then you realized this was happening. You snuggled closer to him, your head on his chest, his arms around your body, and his right leg holding you up. You were warm, and happy. This  was the best time of your life. You closed your eyes.

In the blissful moment of relaxation you were taken aback by the sudden pressure being added to your fragile lips. It was a slow and gentle brushing on your mouth. You moaned out loud in surprise and leaned away from Adam, thus breaking apart from his kiss. 

Gazing up at the man in awe, you realized how close you were standing to him. Your head got foggy and your hands got sweaty. You turned away from him. Adam seemed to realize his mistake. “Was… that too soon? I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

But you were perfectly fine. You couldn’t even believe what had just happened. “It was wonderful!” You exclaimed. 

“You looked so… pure… I couldn’t resist.”

You nodded in understanding, and turned back to Adam. Confidence was rising inside you steadily and you kissed him again, swifty, lustfully. Adam took his hands in yours and leaned even closer - if that was even possible. You sighed into his mouth a couple of times out of desperation. “I haven’t felt another’s lips in so long.”

“I’m glad I could be the one to fix that,” Adam whispered in your ear seductively.

You shivered at his words. “Thank you. You’re really good at it.”

“Is there anything ELSE I could help you with?” He gave you a wink. 

You shook your head. “N-Not yet…”

“I can change that, if you’d like?”

“Oh…” You blushed. “No thank you. Not yet, at least.”

“Sure,” Adam leaned back against the wall, his arms over his chest once again. “You’re really too pretty to be all alone like this,” he said. 

“I’d say the same about you,” you replied cheesily. 

Adam stepped away from the wall, and held his hand out to you. “Care to dance, Y/N? It’s been kind of a quiet night. Why not add some cream to our coffee, yeah?”

You giggled shyly at his analogy, and took his hand. You let him take you to the dance floor, where he pulled you close, super close - like so close that your lips were almost touching one another’s - and began to guide you into a waltz. He moved forward, you moved back. You put your head on his shoulder, and reveled in his smoky scent. 

You went around once, then twice, then three times, then four times. All sense of time went out the window. You just kept moving. Your bodies were so close. All you wanted was to feel his body right next to yours… all night long… 

It was too soon to be thinking like that, and you knew it. You discarded the thought immediately. But your movements were slow, like you were in a time lapse of zero-point-twenty-five; a slowed version of the song playing above. Your breath was loud, your heart was heavy, your vision was dark. 

Five times around now.

You just wouldn’t stop. You couldn’t. Neither of you. It was like you were stuck on repeat. Rewinding everytime it was getting close to the end. You didn’t want it to change. You were happy. It had been so long since you’d felt arms around you. 

Felt your heart beat like it was lovesick.

Felt your stomach doing butterflies.

Felt someone else’s body heat.

Felt someone else’s heartbeat.

Felt a closeness to someone you’d never met before.

Felt like someone loved you. 

You hugged Adam at last, still moving in a waltz, but no longer keeping up the position.

Six, seven, eight, nine, times around. 

Damn, this was too good for you. You didn’t deserve this, did you? You only met this guy right now. You knew nothing about him yet. But that’s what second dates were for, right? 

You were in denial. You wanted to love again, but you were scared. You felt like it was too soon. How had you found the perfect guy by accident, your first time in three years? Were you just that lucky, or was he not what he said he was? Or was your fate just perfect? 

Fuck. You were indeed in love. And there was nothing you could do about it.  

Adam pulled his fingers through your hair slowly, and you breathed in carefully, allowing your mind to relax. What the fuck were you doing, letting yourself loose like this with someone you didn’t know? Another deep breath, and yet another spin around. You’d lost track at this point. Was it eleven or twelve? You breathed in again, and you could hear Adam’s rhythmic breathing slow to match up with yours. 

In together, out together. In together, out together. 

Once. 

Twice.

Three times.

Again and again, again and again.

Around, around, around. 

The only thing that told you the laser-lights were flashing were the red and orange stripes flickering across your closed eyelids. Your movements were starting to waver, so were Adam’s. You danced until, finally, you both came to a stop. You raised your head up searchingly. “What’s wrong?” You asked it like you’d known this man for years. 

He answered it like he’d known you for years. “Thought… It was getting late. You need a ride home? I can take you.”

“No,” you said instantly. “I… shouldn’t…”

“You’re right. Let me call you an uber. I’ll pay.”

“No.” you leaned into him, pushing him back. “It’s getting closer to the end, hit rewind…” You mumbled inaudibly. 

“Hmm?” Adam asked quietly. 

“Let’s keep going.” You insisted, turning again. This made thirteen. “I’m not ready to leave yet.”

Adam smiled into your hair, and started again. “Okay. We can stay for as long as you want. I guess I don’t really have anywhere to be tomorrow.”

“Good,” you whispered as you started waltzing around the dance floor once more. It was quiet as the night dragged on, and a cool breeze started to blow in through the open window, but for you the night would never end. You wouldn’t have it any other way. You were just happy that you’d found someone to spend a little time with. 

You were able to get away from your dreary life at home and open up to someone. To talk with someone. To feel someone. Finally, you were getting on with your life. You were so relieved to be passing this blockage. 

You pressed your cheek against Adam’s chest, turned your nose up, smiled, emotion so strong within you, your mind was numb. In a haze of satisfaction, you raised your head, your vision blurring from the neon lights. Adam’s face was darkened, but even so there was still kindness showing in his eyes. His lips were just within eye level, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. You parted your lips slightly, almost hesitantly, then put your mouth on his, stretching up on your toes to reach better. 

The dopamine rush engulfed you; clouds departing to reveal the sun after a rainy day. You gasped, your mind spun, Adam kissed you back. The warm flavor was like rosy, poofy, wedding cake. The way in which it filled your mouth so silkily was fascinating, and how the supply was just endless. You would never run out of anything here. Not from a source as strong as this! And, with this in mind, you dove in deeper, all with the intent of keeping Adam Stanheight from going home.

It worked. Of course it did.   

Car Ride - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N This is inspired by Chasing colors, by Marshmello!

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You felt refreshed. The sunlight warmed your skin, the wind blew in your hair, and the sound of the squeaky tires made you excited. You gripped the steering wheel tightly in your clasp, as the music blasted your ears. The roof was rolled all the way down so that you were in direct contact with the outside atmosphere. Adam Faulkner was beside you, but you were so focused on the road that he kept flickering in and out of your vision. You could smell the cigarette smoke coming from the passenger’s side, where Adam was located.

Bright, rainbow, lights flashed wildly in your eyes. You found it hard to keep your eyes on the road, but you could see well enough to have an idea of where everything was situated. You were going down fast. Fast, fast, fast. So very fast. You loved it.

“Y/N,” Adam mumbled around his cigarette. “Don’t you think you should slow down a little bit?”

You squinted your eyes, trying to see around the rainbow streaks of light. You grunted. “No way.”

Adam blew out on his cigarette, and then leaned over to you. He kissed your cheek gently, and started combing his fingers through your hair. You could feel his body heat creeping up your skin.

“A-Ahh,” you stammered.

Faulkner nuzzled your cheek, and whispered “I miss you over here. When will we be home?”

“Um… I don’t know…” You grumbled. “Sorry. I’m not going home yet.”

Adam kissed you again, and then sat back in his seat. He continued to smoke. You rounded a corner aggressively, your tires skidding all along the black pavement, screaming at you all the while. You never let up from the gas. Not once. You took delight in watching the trees and fields and other cars pass by so quickly you couldn’t even tell what they were. They all looked like colorful blurs at the side of your vision. You liked it for some reason; you were pretty sure it was because it took your mind off reality.

There was a break in the music, putting the car in total silence. Adam took this moment to speak. He said, “I just don’t want you getting hurt, Y/N. Will you please slow down? It’s really not your time to join…” he looked up at the sky.

You let out a condescending scoff. Adam could be so overprotective of you. “Baby, I’m not gonna get hurt. This is all just good fun. You worry too much, won’t you relax? Just for right now.”

“I mean… your life matters, don’t you know that? Please, stop the car.”

Your mind went blank suddenly. You couldn’t even believe the words you were hearing. “I’m not here to kms!” You shouted at him. “I’m here because I need to relax. Christ, Adam, take a chill pill.”

“I… didn’t think that…” Adam stammered slowly. “I was just worried that you might get in an accident.”

“Oh my god, baby, why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” Adam inhaled once again on his cigarette.

“Referring to me in singular, like you’re not here with me.”

“Oh yeah…” Adam mumbled. “I guess I wasn’t really thinking straight.”

“What does that mean?” You asked him incredulously.

“I’m just not as worried about myself as I am about you. I love you. I don’t want you to leave this world.”

“Oh, so it’s okay for you to go?”

“Well… no, that’s… I didn’t mean it like that. Of course I value my life, but… you come first.”

You shivered, getting a weird sense of dejavu. You looked at him in suspicion, but Adam only pointed out the windshield. “Look at the road!” He exclaimed.

You brought your eyes back to where they should have been. Nothing was out of sorts, but Adam was being his usual, anxious self.

“Holy shit, Y/N. You can’t just do that!”

You sighed heavily, and grabbed the steering wheel harder. “Sorry. Sheesh.”

“Are you trying to get yourself… Are you trying to get us killed!?”

He had to correct himself? You asked yourself. What the fuck is going on with you today, baby?

“I always go this fast, what are you talking about?”

“You know the speed limit is thirty five, right? What is this?” He peered over your shoulder to get a glimpse. “Sixty!?”

You rolled your eyes. “What’s the matter, Adam? I don’t understand! You’re being strange.”

Adam was oddly silent. He raised the cigarette to his mouth again, and didn’t answer you. You licked your lips nervously, unsure of the situation. You just wanted everything to be normal. “I know it’s been rough after everything that’s happened. I’m just glad you’re able to go on rides with me. It makes me feel really happy.”

Adam took a deeper breath on his cigarette and let it out slowly. The conversation ended after that, and the music popped back on. You weren’t really in the mood to listen to it anymore, but it gave you something to concentrate on, so you didn’t turn it off.

Your vision blurred, the rainbow lights flashed once more. You kept your eyes open though, for Adam. Adam would be panicking if you closed your eyes. Adam didn’t say anything even though he could see you losing yourself. You were impressed by that.

The drums and guitar bounced around the car and echoed in your ears. Synthesizer calmed your nerves and the beat was steady. You enjoyed everything that you were hearing. You sighed. “Are you okay?” You asked Adam.

His voice was quiet when he spoke, and his words seemed to fade in and out throughout the sentence. “I don’t want you to go through what I went through.”

“Is that what you’re worried about?” You smiled in amusement.

“I don’t want you to end up like me.”

Confusion engulfed you. “What?”

“Oh, look at that,” Adam whispered gravely, looking into the rearview mirror.

You followed his gaze. There were red and blue flashing sirens coming up behind you. You started to slow down. “You think they’re after me?”

“Eh,” Adam shrugged. “More or less, I suppose.”

Adam’s indifference concerned you. “What?”

“Let’s just see what they have to say.”

“I don’t get it…” You told him. “Why doesn’t this concern you?”

“Who said it didn’t?” Adam shot back, and then rolled up his window.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “You want me to suffocate on your secondhand smoke!?”

Adam flickered in front of you. Your eyes stretched wide in alarm and you backed away. Adam moved again, and a shadow flickered across his face. You realized that it was only a shadow. You couldn’t really relax after that though.

Turning, you met the officer who had been tailing you. “Excuse me,” he said.

You bowed your head respectfully. “I’m sorry sir. I was unaware of what street I was on,” you lied. “It won’t happen again.”

“I’m not here for your speeding,” the policeman said casually.

You tilted your head at him. “What?”

“I think a friend is looking for you. Do you recognize this name?” The officer handed you a paper with a name and birthdate on it.

Your hands trembled as you looked at it. That was your best friend’s name! “W-What happened? Are they okay!?” Your heart beat increased drastically. Fear pulsed through your veins. You didn’t want to find out that they were dead!

This can’t be happening! I’ve seen way too much death recently!

Adam scoffed at you suddenly. “You act like you haven’t though,” he commented. “You pretend like everything’s okay, when you know it’s not. Come on baby, put two and two together.”

You looked over at him. He had his eyes closed and his head leaned back on the headrest. His cigarette was held perfectly in the corner of his mouth, and his hands were folded together on his stomach. He looked perfectly relaxed. Your mouth flapped open and closed uselessly.

Was he reading my mind?

“Your friend is fine,” the officer said calmly, interrupting your train of thought.

“Oh, well that’s good-”

“L/N,” the man said straightforwardly. “I just need you to step out of the car. You’re not allowed to be driving. And not to mention, you’re not supposed to be unsupervised.”

“ ‘Unsupervised’?” you looked to your right. Adam was still sleeping next to you. You poked him, and he looked at you darkly. “I’m not.”

“ ‘You're not’?” The officer asked you in contempt. His eyes flashed around the car quickly, and then he leaned down in front of you. “Well, where’s the other person?” His voice dripped with superiority.

Your mind was running at one hundred miles per hour. You were trying to wrap your mind around this concept. You gazed at Adam again. Adam had his arms over his chest now, a smug look on his face. “Tell him… Go on, now. Tell him who you’re with.”

Confused, you said softly, “Adam… I don’t understand… Please help me understand.”

“Adam?” The officer asked in disbelief. “L/N, I’m sorry but… your boyfriend died in Jigsaw’s game three months ago.”

Your flushed face turned to him in anguish. “What!? No, you’re insane, you must be! Adam’s been here the whole time, I’ve been riding with him the whole time, you can’t be serious!”

The policeman simply wrote something down in his notepad. Nonchalantly, he inquired, “Your friend wants to know if you’ve taken your medicine today.”

“My medicine? What medicine, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“This?” The man held up a red bottle. Something in your mind snapped. You recognized it from somewhere.

“That… is mine…” You clumsily admitted. “I don’t know why I need it.” You looked at Adam for help.

Adam blew smoke into your face, you coughed and glared at him. “I knew it was a bad idea to be speeding,” he informed you offhandedly.

“Adam, stop!” You wailed, and grabbed his shoulders. You shook him. “Please help me! Please, I don’t understand what’s happening! I miss you, that’s all! I just want to know what’s going on!”

Adam took his cigarette and put it in your hand. “Take the medicine. Go back to your friend, and remain there.”

“But I don’t want to leave you!” You cried. You buried your face into his shoulder. Adam held you close. “That’s why I stopped taking the medicine!” You gasped once the words left your mouth. “That’s why… I drove down here. I was going to your apartment.”

“Not a good idea,” the policeman cut in.

“ ‘Someone already moved in there’,” Adam said knowingly.

“Someone already moved in there,” the policeman said right after. His voice was serious.

You shuddered. “But I want to stay with you. You seem real. You give me everything I need.”

“Well, maybe that’s because it’s not quite all your imagination…” Adam breathed.

“So you are real?”

Adam frowned. “I shouldn’t be,” he said at last.

“So you are!?”

“Take your pills,” Adam advised.

“No, I don’t get what you mean.”

“You will,” Adam promised, then leaned back into the seat. He didn’t take his cigarette from you.

Cautiously, you turned back to the man, who was waiting awkwardly for your psychotic break to be over. “I’ll take them,” you said uneasily. “I’ll take them for Adam. He wants me to.”

The officer gave you a cup of water, and a pill from inside the bottle. You swallowed it easily. It was way more easy than you were expecting, almost like you’d done this many times before.

“L/N, can you please get out of the car? I need to take you home.”

You clambered out of the car reluctantly, Adam was still sleeping inside. “What about…?”

The condescending officer looked at you empathetically. His demeanor changed to something more light. “Don’t worry. Adam will be okay. You know he’s safe where he is, right?”

You stared at the car miserably. “No,” you said honestly.

The officer gently pulled you into the police car and started to take you home. “What’s in your hand, sweetie? I’m sorry, I call everyone ‘sweetie’ regardless of their gender.”

You felt safer now. Your mind was starting to relax. You opened your hand slowly, and looked into it. Adam’s cigarette was still resting there, burnt up and put out. You were in no mental state to understand how Adam’s cigarette was in your physical hand while he himself was not here at all. You rolled it back and forth between your palms during the whole ride.

Emptiness swam inside your stomach, and filled up your lungs. You couldn’t really breathe around the tightness. Finally the medicine started acting up. You felt yourself resurfacing, felt yourself regaining your thoughts.

You stumbled into your best friend’s arms, and let them hold you. You were getting an earful from them but you couldn’t hear the words. Behind your friend’s back, you unfolded your palms again. Not even registering your friend’s embrace, you only focused on your belongings.

You could almost feel Adam in your hand at this moment. Just having the cigarette in your fingers was mesmerizing. If you couldn’t be with Adam again, then you refused to let this thing go. Ever. That was just how your life was gonna be. There was nothing anyone could do about it. You closed your fingers around it protectively, secretly. No one would ever find THIS.

Anything For You - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N This one's inspired by Disturbed's song You're Mine. (Lol i need new creativity...)

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You looked at yourself in the mirror. Your clothes were portrayed neatly on your body, your hair was tied back nicely and your shoes fit closely on your feet. You grumbled at yourself in disgust. You pulled a bag from your closet and looked at it with your formal outfit. It was square and blocky, it didn’t look good with your outfit but it was the only one you had. It was five thirty, you were supposed to be meeting with Adam Stanheight in a half hour, but for some reason you were reluctant instead of excited.

You’d been on two dates with him already, both of which had been exceptional, however at this point in time you were having anxiety and doubts. You wondered if Adam would think you were pretty enough. Smart enough. Good enough. He had expressed multiple times that he DID think you were pretty, and smart, and good enough. You were still worried about it though.

You took down your hair, and readjusted it. You tied it, and untied it. Tied it, untied it. This went on for several minutes until you decided not to bother at all. You left it how it was before. Then you grabbed your bag and walked out the door.

Adam Faulkner was waiting for you by the door when you arrived. He smiled at you warmly and offered out his arm. “Hello, beautiful.”

You slunk in next to him, and bashfully looked around the yard, wondering where your nosy neighbors were at that exact moment. You felt very self conscious. “H-Hi… Where are we… going?”

Adam was patient with you. He didn’t try to rush you into anything. “Well, I was thinking about going out to dinner. Is there anywhere you want to go specifically?”

You kept your gaze on the ground. “N-No… Not really.”

“No? Okay.” He gestured to the car. “Well, let me take you out anyway.”

You got into the passenger’s seat awkwardly, and folded your hands in your lap repeatedly. Adam sat down next to you confidently. He seemed to know exactly where he was going. You hummed a song to yourself quietly, not wanting to interrupt the silence.

“How’s your day been?” Adam asked.

You thought about his question for a few minutes. “Lonely,” you said at last. “I don’t really know. I don’t feel that great today.”

Adam shortly pulled to a stop in a grassy lot. A tiny garden was just up ahead, you knew because you’d been there before. It was shrouded by trees and vines, and brush. Various flowers were in the middle of the small clearing, making a cute combination of pinks, reds, oranges, and purples. Azaleas, roses, marigolds, and catmint made up the arrangement. It smelled wonderful.

You looked over at Adam, your fine clothes feeling thin, as though they weren’t really there. Your bottom lip trembled, and your face flushed white. You felt dizzy. “Wh-Wh-What are we doing here?”

Adam took your hand and helped you out of the car. He took you into the garden hastily. You tripped after him, puzzled. What had led Adam to bring you here? Weren’t you getting dinner? “I just want you to relax, Y/N. Tonight is about you.”

“What?” You mumbled. “But… It’s OUR date…”

“Well,” Adam shrugged. “Maybe it’s FOR both of us, but it’s ABOUT you. Come on, I’m trying to cheer you up. You’ve looked sad for a couple days now.”

You hung your head. “I… don’t understand. Weren’t we going out to eat?”

“If that’s what you want. It didn’t seem to appeal much to you. But anyway, I came here to make you feel better.” He brought his hand up to your cheek. “I love you.”

You looked away, feeling awkward. How could you possibly be loved by someone? “Uh…”

Adam pushed you onto the grass. You feel on your butt roughly. “What?”

Adam sat next to you. “I love you…” He hummed out musically.

You kept your gaze on the ground and didn’t say anything. Adam leaned down so that he was laying on his back, staring at the sky, with his arms under his head. “I love it here,” he told you. “It’s so nice and comforting.”

You felt your heart flutter a little bit. What was that feeling? Why did it… tickle so much? “Yeah. It’s gorgeous,” you agreed halfheartedly. Though you were hesitant, it was still your opinion. You really DID like it here.

But something was unnatural. Liveliness was stirring inside you. But… you never felt alive, that wasn’t something that happened to you usually.

Laying down on your stomach, you muttered, “Why do you love me?”

You felt Adam shift behind you. He sat up and dropped his arm around your shoulders. You sighed, and relaxed under him. You felt… good for the first time in a long time. “Because, you’re the most special person in my life, Y/N. You make me feel things so unexplainable… it's unreal. I enjoy our time together. I enjoy how you make me laugh. You’re brilliant, Y/N, and I hope you realize that.”

You sighed, and rolled over so that you were facing him. Adam looked down at you peacefully. You felt warmth spread through your whole body, and you gazed into his face warily. “Adam…” You squeaked desperately. “You know… you mean a lot to me, as well. It’s been such a long time since I felt something so good. After everything that’s happened lately… it’s been hard for me to be strong. But… You know everything that I need. I care for you so much.”

Adam smiled, and tilted his head to the side. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here for you whenever you need it. I want you to be happy. And I’m never going to leave you. Ever.”

You wrapped your arms around Adam’s neck, and he lowered himself on top of you. “You’re never, EVER, gonna leave me?” You whispered quietly into his ear. “But what if… What if you CAN’T be there?”

Adam huffed. His warm breath passed down your neck. “ ‘Can’t’?” He repeated, amused. “What do you think I’m going to be doing? I’ve made YOU my first priority.”

You shivered under him, and almost started crying. Adam’s words made you feel so good, and you hugged him closer. “I love you.”

Adam nuzzled your cheek. “I love you, too.” He pressed a kiss to your sensitive collar bones, and you moaned out.

What was this? Why did you actually feel… okay? It was a slow rising in your stomach and chest that made you feel safe. You looked into Adam’s eyes. All that you ever needed was right there in front of you. How had it taken you so long to realize? There was a numbness in your mind that you hadn’t felt in a very long time; it was like you were finally letting go of your insecurities.

You had never realized that one could do that. You always thought that you were destined to be alone and depressed all the time. You were surprised that you could actually let go of your fears and betrayals and just live life. It was Adam that did that to you. Without him, you would still be a hermit inside your labyrinth of walls. You’d never be able to get out again. But something was stirring deep within you. Your mindset was changing ever so slightly. If only you could feel that you deserved the love you were receiving.

Adam’s lips had gone from your neck to your chin during your musing. You’d barely even felt them, but now that they were creeping up on your lips you were drawn to them once more.

Sparkling waves of bliss coated your mouth. “I get it now,” you mumbled around his lips. “I’m better when I am with you, you deliver me from the pain in my life. Easy now to recognize, all the misery I have been through, it was beating me to submission ‘till the day you arrived.”

Adam pulled back for a moment and looked at you. “Those are some powerful words, Y/N.”

“All true. I’ve realized that the feelings you make me feel are positive. Strength I had lost was revived, and building inside and we both know why. ‘Cause you’re mine.”

“Romantic,” Adam whispered wryly.

“Don’t go,” you whimpered sadly. “Please. I don’t like being alone.”

Adam rubbed his thumb across your cheek. “We can’t stay here forever.”

You let out a sob. “Please…”

Stanheight sighed. “I was hoping to drop by a client’s house tomorrow.”

“Can I come with you?” You asked immediately.

Adam gazed at you in amusement. “When I said ‘leave’ I didn’t mean it physically.”

“Well, I need you physically with me,” you groaned.

“Alright,” Adam agreed. “You can come.”

“Does that mean you’re going to stay with me?”

“I suppose I don’t have a choice now, do I?”

“Being with you makes me feel good,” you spluttered self consciously. You could feel heat crawling up your cheeks like you were a jungle gym. It made you feel vulnerable.

“How can I say ‘no’ to that? Of course I’ll stay with you.”

You smiled at him shyly. “Thank you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I just really need this right now.”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I understand that we all have times when we feel really low. And that’s why I’m here: to lift you up again.”

You nodded. “Alright.”

Faulkner kissed you again, blurring reality and fantasy together. You hardly had time to get a breath before you were making-out. His warm lips on yours, his soft hands under your shirt, his scent in your nose. It made you dizzy, and you closed your eyes, trying to get more of him, trying to feel more of him. All your mind could concentrate on was the persistence of his mouth. How it made you feel, how it knew what it was doing. It lulled you and hyped you up at the same time.

God, this was wonderful.

Finally after a long time, you were pulling away. It could have easily been as long as a half hour, but to you it felt like mere seconds. You were stunned and your lips felt like they were buzzing slightly. You blinked. “Woah…” you whispered.

Adam picked you up off the ground, and carried you back to the car. “Y/N, I need you to understand. I’m here to make you whole again.” He dumped you into the passenger’s seat. “To help you rediscover, and resurrect someone who’d died.”

“Wow,” you drawled slowly. “That’s a lot.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“This is why I need you.”

Adam took the wheel and gave you a wink. “I’m here for you always.”

You sank back into the chair, and fastened your seatbelt. Adam took you home, though he didn’t plan on leaving you all alone tonight. Obviously, you needed some self care and affection. He didn’t want you to suffer this by yourself. He loved you so much, and he wanted you to see that just as he did. You were perfect, no matter what you thought or said about yourself. And he would get you to see it, too. One day.

Right now though, unfortunately, was not the day. Some work would need to be put into this, but he believed in you, even if nobody else did. To him, you were the most important thing in his life, seeing you so down made him feel unhappy as well. But the future was clear and bright to him, even though it wasn’t for you. Easily, Adam could already see all the great things that you and him were going to accomplish together.

All it took was just a little bit of faith…

And you would learn that, too.

Sweet Sensations - Adam Stanheight / Reader

18+ story.

Woah, hi. I've been experiencing severe burnout. But, here's something I managed to pull up - without the help of a song, what?

This inspo behind this was pretty much, 'try to make it sexual'?

18+ Soooo yeah. Read at your own risk this story is for a mature audience.

Adam Stanheight locked eyes with you for the first time that night. They were tired and dreary, but lustful all the same. He nuzzled your nose slightly, and massaged your cheeks. You had been out of town for a month or so, and hadn’t had much time to catch up. But now that you were back, you felt right at home. Adam was obviously enjoying himself. 

“I missed you!” He exclaimed, kissing you down your neck. 

You moaned a little bit, and smiled. “I missed you, too, Adam…” 

“I’ve not been able to stop thinking about you,” Stanheight confessed, bringing his head up to look you in the eyes. You sighed in disappointment, longing for the feeling of his lips on your skin once more. 

“Oh really?” you asked. “What have you been thinking about?”

Adam kissed you briefly on the mouth. “Oh…” he murmured. “NSFW stuff…”

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Go on…”

“No,” Adam said shyly. “You wouldn’t like it…”

“Try me,” you whispered longingly. 

Adam examined your naked body. You could feel his gaze travel down your body almost like a physical feeling. Soft, and silky, his gaze gave you chills as he took in your nudity. He kissed you on the cheek and you felt warmth rush your cheeks. You were incapable of stopping the smile that crossed your face. “Mmmh… Use your imagination.”

You shivered, and cocked your head to the side. “I want to know,” you begged. “I want to know what you’re seeing in your head…”

Adam’s hand traveled slowly down your sensitive body, making stops in a couple of certain places. You moaned out immediately, desperately. He rubbed on your inner thigh, and moved cautiously inward. You flinched at his gentle touch. “I’d rather try to show you…”

Overwhelming feeling took over your mind, which made you gasp and grab the edge of the sofa. Sparkles twinkled in your eyes, and filled your stomach. “A-Adam…” You choked. 

“What?” Adam brought both his hands up to your cheeks. One set was wet and the other set was dry. 

The intense feelings you were feeling before dissolved, and left you feeling empty. You gasped, trying to ignore the blood rush between your legs.  Blinking, you mumbled, “Th-th-that felt really good.” 

Adam scoffed, and smirked down at you. “Really?”

You felt your cheeks get bright red, and you found it hard to make eye contact. You got nervous, and timid. “Yeah…” You admitted quietly. 

“Awe,” Adam purred, and caressed your cheek. “So cute. Look at me, Y/N.”

With lots of effort, you forced yourself to look in Adam’s eyes. You saw major satisfaction and confident power glinting in Adam’s eyes. Obviously he was enjoying himself. A lot. You couldn’t say anything. You were so… melted… 

“What?” He asked teasingly. “Cat got your tongue?”

You bit your lip nervously, feeling another blood rush in between your legs. “Ahh…”

Adam Stanheight dropped his gaze downward. “Oh,” he whispered. He messaged your sensitive parts again, with both hands this time. 

You closed your eyes, and rolled your head back, monstrous pleasure cascading all over you like a thunderstorm of rain. Your mind went blank and you gripped the couch again. “Adam!” You exclaimed, feeling a rise of pressure within. 

Adam giggled. “Like that?”

“Mmh.”

“The only thing missing is the rope.” He smirked at you. “Otherwise, it’d be a perfect replica of my daydream.” You grit your teeth, your heart thundering and your mind reeling. You moaned loudly, as Adam finally finished you off. 

For a few moments there was bliss. Crashing immense gratification thrashed through your whole nervous system, and you went limp. You felt Adam’s strong body on your lithe one, and you could smell his smokey scent. 

“Adam…” You whispered. “Mmmmh.” Your body went limp, and you breathed deeply. Exhaustion filled your limbs, and chest. 

But Adam wasn’t done yet. “Don’t forget about me…” He growled into your ear. You could feel him rubbing on your right leg. 

“Sorry, Adam…” You whispered. 

“Why don’t you make it up to me?” He uttered, and tipped your head up so that you had to look him in the eyes. There was love in his expression, but you could see his sexual hunger. 

Once again, shyness consumed you, and you burrowed your eyebrows worriedly. “Y-Yeah…” You let out a nervous breath. 

“Great.” Adam smiled gratefully. “I love you.”

Before you could answer, you had Adam thrusting in your soft hands. Gasping, you moved your hands mechanically, automatically, the way you knew he liked it. Mostly he got himself off, but he seemed really pleased to have your hands on him, touching him, pleasuring him. You enjoyed feeling him in your hands, and when it was over, you almost longed to feel it again.

Adam came down to lay on top of you, looking into your eyes, and kissing you, and breathing in your mouth, and whispering in your ear. “Thanks, Y/N. You’re so good to me. You’re so good at obeying.”

“Oh… you know… I was just trying to satisfy you. I was-”

Adam kissed you on the mouth roughly. He caressed your cheeks with both hands. “Shut up…” He murmured nicely. “Just say you love me.”

Chills ran up your back. “I… I love you…” 

“I love you more.”

“I love you most,” you said proudly. 

“Tch, that’s cute. But at least I love you so much to actually get you off, doing the work…” His voice was low and teasing, and you could feel another blood rush. 

“Oh…”

Adam chuckled in amusement. “Sweetie…” The power in his tone made you stiffen, and look him in the eyes. “Gracious girl/boy. That look keeps me awake at night…”

You  gasped at his words. “Oh, Adam…”

“So does the memory of your voice,” Adam added smoothly. 

Another throb between the legs. “Fuck…”

“And the feeling of your body.”

“Fuck me again!” You blurted out into the atmosphere.

Adam looked at you in surprise, seemingly impressed with your bluntness. “Who’s getting a little demanding?” He asked amusedly. “You want me to take care of you again? I had no idea you were so needy.”

You whimpered. “Sorry, Adam, I didn’t mean to… I’m just so…” you trailed off. 

Adam chuckled. “I turn you on that much?”

You blushed and looked away from Adam’s eyes. “I-I-Yeah… You’re so good at teasing me.”

“Baby, please. It’s not that hard.” He sounded scornful, but you knew it was all part of the game. You hugged him closer. “Alright. I’m done fucking around. You don’t deserve that. You deserve all my love.”

You swallowed, as Adam started round two. You heaved a sigh as Adam started rubbing on you once again. You choked as he messaged you slower than before, harder, dragging out the feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. The process continued until you couldn’t stand it. Adam loved tearing your feelings up your nerves but he did know when to stop. And then he fucked hard. 

Relishing the burning hot pleasure in your body, you closed your eyes, and yowled his name. So, fucking sensitive. So much more sensitive than the first time, and holy shit… “Oh god…” you gasped. 

Adam laughed. “You don’t even know what to do with yourself, do you?”     

“What am I supposed to do?” You wheezed. 

“Dunno,” Adam replied, dragging your hand down to his ‘Problem.’ “You could always…”

You started massaging him roughly, not even trying to tease him or provoke him. And together you both finished, though one of you might’ve been a lot messier at the end.

You laid back against the pillows, and grabbed Adam’s hands in yours. Now he looked tired, rather than lustful. He was snuggly, rather than turned on. “I love you,” you said. 

“I’d think so,” Adam said offhandedly. “You’ve married me. You’ve fucked me. You’ve committed yourself to me. You better love me.”

You waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. “Adam?”

“Hm?”

“I love you…”

“I love the way you go limp when you’re coming.”

Flabbergasted, your mouth fell open and you put your arm over your face in embarrassment. “A-Adam!” 

Adam only gazed down at you even more satisfyingly. “I speak only the truth.”

“W-Well, you didn’t have to say that…”

“Would you have preferred I said ‘I love the way you squirm when you’re embarrassed’?”

You flushed even more, and put your other arm over your face. “S-Stop…”

“Just like that…” Adam sighed. 

“Just… Tell me what I want to hear…”

“I… la la…”

You frowned at him unhappily. “Why do you do this to me?”

“Do what? I’m only making you happy.” Adam gave you an innocent smile. 

You forgot all your embarrassment. “Oh… you’re right.”

“I know…”  Adam whispered. “I usually am.”

“Fuck you,” you scoffed. 

“I love you, Y/N,” Adam purred into your ear. “I love you.”

Valentine's Day - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N, it's getting close to V-Day, everyone, and tbh I'm lonely irl, but I always have Adam, and now you do, too! ;)

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Another year, another lost Valentine's Day. You of all people shouldn’t be the one sitting at home with no one by your side. Even the weather was trying to be supportive, with all it’s sunshine and clear skies. There would have been a time when you went diving straight into that blissfulness and lost yourself in a playful craze, but… your soul had broken apart after the first breakup. Just like an apple on the tree; it was happy and alive until it wasn’t needed anymore. Cast away by the mother, like a miserable excuse for a child, never to return again.

Still, your heart was beating, and that meant you hadn’t quit. It ached, sure, and your mind felt like it was rotting, but otherwise you hadn’t quit, no. You hadn’t given up. Not yet. The thing was, there was something that kept coming back to you, even stronger than that of the last time.

Why?

Why did Cupid treat you like this? Why did she insist on breaking your heart over and over again? Why wasn’t there anyone that was meant for you? If Cupid planned everyone’s love-lives, then why had she been avoiding yours? What was wrong with your love-life? WAS there anything wrong with it? Maybe it was just yourself?

In any case, the facts still remained. You were alone on Valentine’s Day, without a single piece of chocolate or a cheerful looking flower. You didn’t even have an ounce of energy to turn on the living room light that was only one scoot away from you on the couch.

Fuck. Everything hated you.

The spoon shifted deeper into the hard block of ice cream. (Favorite ice cream) was so delicious! It almost lifted your spirits up from the hole they were in but… eating ice cream alone wasn’t nearly as fun when you could share it with someone. All your friends had people! Cupid had given them someone to take care of on Valentine’s Day, and all you got was a handful of ice cream in the dark.

This was so unfair.

Amidst your sulking on the tattered cushions of your old sofa, came the slow rustle of footsteps from beyond the condo door. There was excited chittering and laughter from your neighbors, as they presumably let some of their girlfriends or boyfriends into their rooms, but it didn’t seem to be coming from those suspicious footsteps. It was quieter after some time, but the soft susurrus of steps seemed to persist ever onwards.

You contemplated what that sound was. Perhaps it was only the prehistoric pipes giving way to their confines after such a long endeavor of life? Or perhaps it was the swish-swoosh of your neighbor's broom sweeping over the dusty vents? Maybe one could tell, but you could not.

They dragged up and up and up, those footsteps. Not once did they falter, not once did they stumble, not once did they retreat; the footfalls simply repeated. Until at last, after the final serve of ice cream was finished up and swallowed, the sound stopped.

You didn’t know what to do with yourself. You’d have been asleep right now, if it wasn’t for the abrupt change in your surroundings. What was that, anyway? Was it not the poor pipes? Was it not your soulless neighbor?

And then there it was! A teeny-tiny knock rumbling on your front door.

How could this be so? You were supposed to be alone on Valentine’s Day!

In a very sluggish manner, you stood up from the couch. Your insides were cold from the previously eaten ice cream, and your heart was heavy from the previously stated facts. But somehow you managed to get yourself to your feet, and still hopelessly miserably, you did in fact, unlock the door.

Behind it was a young man that you recognized. His brown eyes were unmistakable. His clothes, tattered and loose, were memorable - or perhaps his appearance was memorable? He was quite handsome, of course.

You stepped back slowly, your mind reeling. This didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel accurate. As you placed one foot behind the other, everything slowed down. It was like moving in slow motion. You could feel your hair blow forwards, the edges of your clothes did as well. You were walking backwards in the wind. Sound stopped, so that it was all just a lackadaisical emptiness, like being underwater.

You kept walking, tediously, backwards. Your eyes were fixed on the newcomer - distraught and unblinking - while your mouth hung open slightly - astonished and bemused.

What the fuck was happening?

The man came walking in, just as fast as you, followed by the strange slithering sound. His movements were lazy, as he looked up from the floor and brought his hands up to his mouth. The click of his lighter resonated around the entire room, ringing for some minutes afterwards. He took a deep breath in, which too was enhanced by some magical hearing aid that had not been there before. You felt yourself grow weak and you reached your hands out backwards, looking for the couch.

He put his lighter back into his pocket, and now you could see the cigarette in his left hand. He blew out on it and smoke filled your vision completely. You stumbled, as the world came back to you once more.

You crashed down, painfully, onto the hard cushions of your couch, white noise filling your ears now as well as the traffic outside the window and the people talking outside your door. The man was approaching quickly by now, a look of alarm on his face. You realized that you knew this man!

“A-Adam Faulkner?” You choked out, feeling dizzy.

Adam’s light voice made your heart flutter. He knelt over you, his hands resting on your shoulders in an attempt to support you. “Woah. What’s wrong, Y/N? Have you eaten anything today?”

You tried to remember what REAL food you had eaten, but it felt like such a long time ago. “I had… ice cream…” you mumbled awkwardly.

“That’s it!?” Adam left you on the couch to go rummage through your fridge. He came back with a sandwich. You hated sandwiches.

“Why do I have to eat that?”

Adam shoved a piece into your mouth unexpectedly, and you gagged but started chewing anyway. “Because you’re faint as fuck, and I don’t want you passing out on me.”

You took the sandwich from him miserably, and ate it slowly. You grimaced every time you had to bite it. “What are you doing here?” You asked. “Don’t you have like… a girlfriend to see?”

Adam sat back into a chair across from you, and continued smoking. “What? Are you crazy? You think anyone would want to date me?”

Your heart pounded suddenly, and your cheeks flushed red. “Oh… Right… I’m sure no one… would…” You cleared your throat awkwardly, trying to end the stupid sentence that you had started.

“So, what got you eating ice cream in the darkness all by yourself on Valentine’s?” Adam questioned curiously. You stared at him blankly, as if your eyes alone could get the words across. “Oh come on. You didn’t really think no one was gonna come see you?”

You shoveled more sandwich into your mouth. At this point you would rather eat this than have to answer his question. Instead, you asked, “What got you to come all the way up to some single person’s house on Valentine’s?”

“ ‘Single’?” Adam wondered. “That works well for my plans, actually.”

You gazed at him in dismay, starting to get the idea he was implying. You finished your sandwich swiftly after that, wanting to look pretty for what MIGHT be coming up. “Let me get dressed! Oh my god, I can’t believe you had to see me like this.” Suddenly, you had newfound motivation…

Adam seemed a little off guard by your major mood change, but he rolled with it. “Sure. I mean, whatever you like. I think you look good in what you have on.”

“I’m still in my pajamas though.”

Adam shrugged. “I guess it makes undressing easier.”

At first you didn’t think much of the comment, until you were in the bathroom. And then you realized his implication. Adam was flirting with you… or trying to. You started smiling. Now that you thought about it, it was really cute. You dressed hastily, and then presented yourself to Adam cautiously. It had been awhile since you had done anything like this.

Adam smiled at you. “There you are. Looking beautiful, as usual.”

You giggled. “Oh, stop. I don’t know what’s gotten into you.” You were embarrassed by his sudden affection.

Faulkner raised an eyebrow. “Maybe it’s nothing?” He suggested. “Maybe I’m just enjoying Valentine’s Day?”

You were completely flabbergasted. “Enjoying Valentine’s Day with me?” You were almost unsure it could be possible.

Adam leaned in close and finally got to the point of his visit. “I want to change your social status from single to taken.”

You laughed out loud. “Cheesy!”

Adam laughed with you. “I had to say it as soon as I thought of it.”

“So, is THAT why you’re here? To give me a cheesy pickup line?”

“Hey,” Adam said defensively. “It was cheesy, but… I was being honest.”

You stared at him, your mind going blank. “W-What?”

“Come on, Y/N. You’re not that dim. Or do you need me to spell it out for you?”

You shifted your feet, unable to believe your ears. You didn’t realize Adam felt that way about you. Had this been an all-time-thing, or was he joking with you? You’d been in love with Adam ever since your first meeting, but… you never thought that the feelings could be mutual. Besides, if Adam had felt this way about you for so long, then why hadn’t he done anything about it? Why was THIS year the year that he opened up?

“I… don’t get it…” you stammered.

“What’s there to get? I really like you.”

“But… I never knew… If I knew, I wouldn’t have waited so long. I thought that… you were with someone else.”

“Who else?” Adam asked skeptically. “I haven’t dated since… since Jigsaw…” He shook his head vehemently. “But, that was a long time ago. I feel ready to try again. So… does this mean… you don’t want-”

“No!” You interrupted. “I do want this! I’m so sorry for complicating it, I was trying to understand everything. It didn't make sense.”

“It’s okay,” Adam said, and pulled you into a hug.

You could hear your heartbeat in your ears. It was so loud you could have sworn the whole condo could hear it. Your face and hands were hot, and you felt faint again, but not because of hunger; it was out of happiness.

You wrapped your arms around Adam’s waist and rested your head on his chest. It was odd to you how one’s outlook on life could change within a day, all depending on the set of circumstances a person was put into. That morning you had been despairing, but now - nearly twelve thirty - you were in perfect bliss. You were just so glad to have someone of your own this Valentine’s Day.

“Hmm…” you sighed. “Perhaps Cupid doesn’t leave everyone in the dark?”

“Huh?” Adam looked down at you, a look of utter bewilderment on his face.

You glanced back up at him. “Oh, sorry. It was nothing.”

Adam placed you on the couch. “What do you want to do now? I was gonna take you to lunch.”

You straightened your back, and dusted your clothes out. “O-Of course, Adam. I’d love to.”

Adam put out his cigarette and tossed it into the wastebasket. He leapt to his feet and went racing to the door. He looked back at you, and gestured you over with his hand. “Come on, Y/N. This is gonna be the best day of your life!”

You followed him out the door hesitantly, a small smile on your face. It was cold outside, but you couldn’t care less about the weather. The mere presence of Adam Stanheight was enough to keep you warm. “I’m excited,” you whispered bravely, closing the door behind you and staring out into the rain. “I haven’t done this in a very long time.”

Falling For You - Adam Stanheight / Reader

This was inspired by a Three Days Grace song, Over and Over. :) First story in five months, enjoy! 

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Fury, resentment, passion, repetition, falling, falling, falling. Always falling into that pit of bitterness. Red curtains pulled back, hot steam dripping from the window, and the whole world flipping over. You were so angry! Outraged at yourself, as you watched Adam leave through the window, heart beating fast, and breath coming slow. Your hands pulled at the red, fluffy curtains, boiling up, up, up until you thought you’d explode. You shut the curtains closed for the fourth time, and stalked to the bedroom in your apartment, hoping to get some sleep tonight, but you didn’t want to lay on the bed. You weren’t even a little bit tired. 

That feeling crept back into you again, the loneliness, the emptiness, the deadness. You felt like nothing without him, but you tried to convince yourself you didn’t. You were desperate, that's what you told yourself, every single time. 

No matter, you felt those feelings every damn day, but you knew better. Adam wasn’t the one to blame for this, YOU were. You couldn’t get over him. You, you, you, you, you, you.  

The bitterness revamped itself suddenly, causing you to crash to the floor, clutching your head in frustration. Terrible, terrible, frustration. You slammed your fists into the wooded floor of your apartment, your mind reeling, trying to get over your feelings. But Adam’s face stayed in your mind, so fresh, and you screamed. 

The pain of having him leave ate at you. You got to your feet, taking deep, calming breaths. You had to be strong in order to overcome this, but you didn’t like it. What was wrong with you? Why did this always happen? Why couldn’t you stay at home? Why did you have to do the same thing every time? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

You took cautious steps toward the door, despite your better judgment. Your heart tried to climb back into your chest, but it slipped and fell back down, and you knew what you had to do. 

“I feel this shit everyday,” you grumbled wretchedly, fighting with the cold doorknob. It was sticky. You forced the door open with vigor, and the pained creak it made made you flinch. “Why do I do this?”

You headed down the stairs, your stomach churning with unhappiness, but your heart beating with love. You needed this. No, you needed HIM. You needed ADAM. “So here I go again…”  You ran out the door, screaming Adam’s name, begging him to come back, begging him not to leave you again. And there you went, chasing him down again, like every time. Like last week. Like two weeks before. Like three weeks before. Like fifty-two weeks ago. You couldn’t stop. Over and over. Over and over, you fell for him, and you didn’t try to, but it kept happening, like a song on repeat. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.  

“Adam!” You shouted, as you ran around the corner. There he was, sitting in his car, having a smoke break before leaving you for the week. Your heart melted into a puddle. He was so attractive. He was… perfect… Your fury dissipated. Just seeing him made you happy. Seeing him with that damn cigarette caused you to stumble over your feet. You breathed a sigh of relief. 

He’s still here…  You realized. Oh, geeze. Why do I do this? 

You walked up to his car, and greeted him gently. “Hi…”

“Y/N.” Adam sounded surprised to see you standing at his car window, even though it was a weekly tradition. He should have been used to this. “How are you?”

“I’m… I’m…” Words left your brain as soon as he asked the question. 

“Awe, cat got your tongue?” He blew on his cigarette. 

“No, no. It’s only just… I don’t want you to go.”

Adam was silent, as he focused on his cigarette. 

Your heart had palpitations, as you fell for him once again in your lifetime. “Oh boy,” you whispered, trying to get a hand on your feelings. “I don’t really feel like that…”

“Hmm?” 

“Nothing…” You gasped anxiously.

“Mmmh.” The responses were so similar but you could hear the difference. This one was more dubious sounding than the first. It killed you having to lie to him. It killed you telling him it was nothing. It killed you trying to leave him. 

“I should get going.” You forced the words out through gritted teeth. 

Adam only gave you a disbelieving squint of his eyes, but he never took his lips off the cigarette. Those soft, thin, lips… Oh how you wanted to kiss them. 

His hollow cheeks… His lithe body… His long legs… 

Oh, fuck…

You wanted to mark him. Make him yours. But you also knew what was best for you. Knew you shouldn’t date your coworker. Knew he was a bad idea. It took so much energy to walk away from him, when he made your mouth water like this. You felt good next to him. You didn’t want to go back home. You didn’t want to wait till next week. You knew better, but you wanted him instead. 

I’ll just keep wasting all my time, if I don’t confess now. 

“Hey, Adam…” You murmured, walking closer to the car. 

Adam Stanheight put out his cigarette, sensing this was going to be important. He gazed into your eyes expectantly, but didn’t say a word. He was patient with you, and so gentle, and kind.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” You asked him nervously, your heart tearing into your ribcage, screaming at you that this was wrong. You were so weak, and you leaned through the window. “Please.”

“Sure. All you had to do was ask,” Faulkner replied smartly, and you got red in the face, heat making you dizzy, and you fell to the ground, crying. 

Adam got out of the car nonchalantly, and knelt down in front of you. “Y/N,” he said seriously. “What’s wrong?” He hugged you, and you hid your face into his shoulder. 

“I don’t want you to go,” you choked out again. You were so on edge you didn’t feel right. You didn’t know how to feel. You didn’t even know what you wanted to say to Adam.

And Adam smiled. He knew. Even if YOU didn’t, HE did. “Y/N…” 

Your mouth was suddenly being pressed up against by his thin lips, grounding you, bringing you back into real life. His kiss was excruciating, lulling. “I love you,” he said breathlessly. 

“I try not to…” you admitted.

“Let me hear you say it.”

“I fall for you,” You replied. “You make me fall for you.”

Over and over… You added silently to yourself. 

“You don’t even try to.”

Adam kissed you again, and the world started spinning. Faster, faster, faster. So fast, you couldn’t even see the trees, they were all blurring together. And your lips locked with Adam’s so perfectly, so evenly. This was right.

“Who’s quitting?” Adam asked. 

He was joking, but you answered so quickly, it shocked both of you. “I will.”

Adam studied you. “That’s nice of you.”

“I’d do anything to be with you,” you blurted.

“Yes, I know,” Adam said casually, like he was expecting you to say that.

“So many thoughts that I can’t get out of my head,” you confessed. 

“What kind?” Adam inquired, leaning in close.

You felt goosebumps arise all over your skin. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll tell you,” you breathed out.

Adam kicked his car door closed with his left foot, and came to walk beside you. “No, please. I’d like you to SHOW me.” 

You could feel him pressing up against you so insistently, rubbing your back longingly, and you were so weak, too weak. You looked up at him, eyes as big as a deer’s. “For sure.” You made a promise, and promises were hard to break.